My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 17 - Second Time Around - full transcript

The more efficient, uh,

pressurized
synchronization mechanism,

wing camera and empennage.

Can you think of anything else

that might give us
a smoother flight?

Yeah. The weather.

No. I'm meeting Miss Brandon.

I don't know whether
she's here... Steve!

Steve Douglas, of all people!

Well, hello, Pam.

I thought you'd probably
joined the astronauts.



How are the boys?
They're fine, thanks.

And your father-in-law?

He's very well. Good.

Oh, uh, Pam, this is Ed Giles,

our West Coast representative.

Ed, this is Miss Pamela... Oh.

Oh, dear. Pamela MacLish.

It was all my fault.

Now, that's all right.

I've always wanted
a soggy empennage.

Won't you, uh, join
us, Miss MacLish?

Well, Ed, I think we'd better
be getting back to the plant.

And my luncheon
date is-is waiting.

Oh.



Good-bye, Steve. Good-bye.

Awfully nice to
have seen you again.

Nice to see you again.

You know, I'll always remember

that one lovely dinner we had.

That lovely dinner
with candlelight.

Yes.

Good-bye, Mr. Giles.

Uh, well, sit down.

Only, uh, one dinner?

Yes, uh, well, she's
a very attractive girl.

She's a good cook, too.

It's just that, uh, well, I
got the idea she wanted

to cook all my meals, and, uh,

I guess she scared
me off a little.

One dinner and you
let him get away?

Really, Pam.

You should be expelled
from the female race.

Well, Meg, a girl can't
just throw herself at a man.

At least I can't.

Well, you like him, don't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, then don't just
sit here looking wistful.

For heaven's sakes,
do something about it.

What's his situation at home?

Well, he's a widower,
and he has three boys

and an Irish father-in-law.

An Irish father-in-law?

Mm-hmm.

Well, how wonderful.
There is your reason

for dropping by once in a while.

What is?

The Daughters of
the Emerald Isle.

They're going to bring

those dancers over here.

You mean, to ask him to...

Oh, Meg, I couldn't do that.

Oh, hi, there.

Hi.

Do you remember me, Mr. O'Casey?

Of course I do.
You're Miss MacLish.

But Steve isn't home.

Oh, but it isn't
Steve that I want.

It's you.

Me?

How come?

Because you're an Irishman.

Oh, well, come in,
won't you? Come in.

Thank you. Yeah.

You see, I'm with the
Daughters of the Emerald Isle.

Oh, well,

Steve takes care of all those
things down at the office.

Oh, no. No, it's
nothing like that.

You see, the Daughters
of the Emerald Isle

are trying to get advanced
pledges to buy tickets

to bring a group of Dublin
dancers to this country.

May I count on
you for... for two?

Please?

Just for dear old Ireland.

Oh, well, for dear old Ireland.

Oh, thank you.

You're a darling.

Just a darling.

Oh, uh, Bub, never mind
looking for my Spanish book.

I just remembered
that I left it at school.

Chip, come on. Let's go, Chip.

See you, Bub!

So long, Bub. See you later.

Oh, hi, Mike. Robbie.

Hi, Miss MacLish. Well,
so long. We'll see you.

Got to go to school. Oh.

Hi. Hi.

They do have manners,
but they didn't put them on.

Oh, they're fine boys.

Yeah. I, uh, well,
I couldn't resist

coming by to tell you how much
luck your pledge has brought us.

Oh?

The Dublin Dancers are
practically on their way.

Well, that's fine.

There's some coffee left.

Well, that's wonderful.
I'd love a cup.

In the kitchen. Oh.

Your family certainly
leaves the house early.

And messy.

Why don't you sit over
there, Miss MacLish?

Thank you.

Now, here's a cup
of nice, hot coffee.

Oh, wonderful.

You know, when I was
making out my report,

I realized that I'd neglected
to get your full name.

My full name? Mm-hmm.

Well, my full name is

William Michael Francis
Aloysius O'Casey.

Oh.

Did you know that the
literal translation of "William"

is "resolute, strong"? It is?

You know, "William"
seems to suit you

much better than "Bub."

It does?

Mm.

May I?

May you what?

Call you William?

Of course.

Good.

Has, um, has
everybody left the house?

All but one.

One?

Yes. Tramp.

Tramp?

He's our dog.

Oh.

Jeepers, Mike, how come you
don't drive us home every day?

Listen, by the time I get
all my stuff off the campus,

to your schools... Hey,
you going someplace, Bub?

I'm going downstairs if you
mugs would get out of my way.

I'll get it.

I'll get it. And
tuck your shirt in.

No sense running around your
own home looking like slobs.

Beat it.

Boy, how classy can you look?

Yeah.

Well, things could be worse.

Tim Weede's grandfather's
studying trombone.

Beat it.

Wow. You two guys are
about a half hour early.

Well, you didn't tell us
today's pinochle game

was going to be formal.

And my patent leather
pumps are being half-soled.

Can't a guy clean
himself up a little bit

without you two clowns
making a big deal out of it?

Come in, come in.

You'd better let us
do the heavy work.

I wouldn't want you
to soil that jacket.

Be like adding one
spot to a leopard.

Now, don't deal
till I come back.

Here they are. Your two
tickets to a little bit of Ireland.

Oh, thank you.

I, uh, I wondered if Steve
was around anywhere.

I thought maybe I might be able

to talk him into
the two I have left.

Oh, I'm sorry, but
Steve's at the office.

Oh.

Well, in that case, William,

I'll just hold on to these.

William?

Oh, hello, Mike. How are you?

Uh, late. I got to
go. Excuse me.

That's a very interesting
tie you've got on.

Oh, do you like it?

Uh, Weber and
Fields gave me that.

The nearest he ever
got to Weber and Fields

was when they were
playing Philadelphia,

and he was in Scranton.

Well, you know, I seem
to have the impression

that you're the best
cook this side of Ireland.

And the other side, too.

Why?

Well, you see, I
planned to give a dinner

for this group of Dublin Dancers

the night they
opened here and, uh...

Well, they're so very Irish.

I hoped you'd show me

some of your
authentic Irish recipes.

Sure. Sure, I will.

You know what I'll do?

I'll show you how
to make an Irish stew

that will have everything
in it but a leprechaun.

Oh, William, that's wonderful.

Oh, thanks ever so much.

Oh, would tomorrow
afternoon be all right?

Tomorrow afternoon's fine.

Good. Uh, about 2:00?

2:00. Bye.

See you then.

Yes. Bye.

Where's Max?

He'll be right back.

I just asked a simple question.

Where's Max?

He went down to the corner
for some cigars, William.

Well, how come I
didn't see him leave?

Well, he went out the back way.

He didn't want to embarrass you

in case you were
smooching or something.

"O mischief,

thou are swift to enter in the
thoughts of desperate men!"

Doesn't Steve even
stay home on Saturdays?

I mean, I still have these two
tickets, and he is on my list.

Well, you'd better
get him off your list.

The only chance he would have

of seeing that show is if they
put it on down at his office.

Now I'll add some
of this diced lamb.

Looks good, too.

Mm-hmm.

Gosh, imagine me planning a
dinner for the Dublin Dancers.

I've got such stage fright,

I can't even think
of an Irish tune.

Well, when you're
making Irish stew,

you only got one choice.

But Irish tunes...

Well, you got your
pick of a million.

Well, that's just the trouble.

♪ Over in Kilarney ♪

♪ Many years ago ♪

♪ My mother sang a song to me ♪

♪ In voice so sweet and low. ♪

Ah... Remember that one?

That's a beauty.

Now we'll put the lid on

and let it simmer a little.

♪ 'Twas just a
pretty Irish ditty ♪

♪ In her quaint,
old-fashioned way ♪

♪ And I'd give the
world if she were here ♪

♪ To sing that song today ♪

♪ Ba da la ba ba bum ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra li ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ Children, it's ♪

♪ "Hush, now don't you cry..." ♪

Jeepers. What's the matter
with your grandfather?

Oh, he sounds like
that when he's happy.

Boy, I'd sure hate to
hear him when he's sore.

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ That's an Irish lullaby. ♪

Hey.

Hmm...

"Well-known character actor, 82,

"honeymooning in Acapulco

with his bride of 33."

Hi, Bub.

What you reading?

The, uh, market report.

What would I be reading?

Say, don't you guys
ever pick up the junk

around here on the
floor? Hold this. Here.

Hey, where's Tramp?

Miss MacLish took
him out for a walk.

I thought I saw him out there.

Why?

Nobody ever takes
Tramp for a walk.

He knows the neighborhood
better than we do.

Now, don't be asking
me all these silly questions

and help me pick up this junk.

There.

Bub? Yeah?

In the last couple of days,

I-I've noticed there's been
something on your mind.

Well, never mind all
that psychology jazz.

I feel fine.

Well, I'm sure
you do, but, uh...

If you ever want to
talk about anything,

you know where to find me.

I mean, sometimes it
helps to communicate.

Just communicate
yourself upstairs, Charlie.

Ah, 82 years old, huh?

Well, I-I must be a kid
compared to that old dude.

Hey, Bub!

Yeah?

That's probably Miss MacLish.

Get it, will you, Chip?

How come she's always
hanging around here?

Don't ask me a lot of questions.

Get it, will you?

Okay. What did I tell you?

You want me to stay here
with you, Mr. 'O Casey?

No, I don't, Sudsy.

You go with him.

It was only the
dry-cleaning man.

Oh?

What's that goofy smell?

Well, that's some
stew I'm cooking.

How come the stew
smells like shaving junk?

Lately, this whole kitchen
smells like a drugstore.

Don't ask a lot of funny
questions around him.

Get out, you two, before
I chop your ears off.

Come on. Hike.

Have a good time out there.

Hi! Hi!

The door was locked.

Yeah.

Ah, he's a good boy.

Did he behave himself?

Uh-huh. Here's his leash.

Yeah. Thanks.

You know, we're gonna have a...
a new guinea pig for our Irish Stew;

Steve's finally
coming home to dinner.

Oh, good!

Well, I-I mean, it's
good you did the cooking.

I got it!

Hello?

Dinner's almost
ready. Can't you stay?

I'd love to. Good.

Okay, bye, Dad.
That was Dad, Bub.

He's stuck at the office again.

Bill, bill, bill,
bill, bill, bill.

"Stews Your Irish
Mother Used To Make."

"The Kitchen
Trail To Tipperary."

Bub! Bub?!

He isn't home, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mike. Where is he?

He's driving Miss MacLish home.

Oh.

Bub doesn't drive.

Well, Miss MacLish
is driving him.

He's gonna take a cab back.

Well, doesn't that
strike you as being

a rather impractical
arrangement?

Yeah, sort of. We were gonna
ask him about those books.

He didn't get them.
Robbie did. Robbie did?

Yeah, well, he has some
kind of a weird idea that...

It is not weird. Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi, Dad. I was gonna explain
all about that to you, Dad.

Okay, explain it.

Well, Bub's changed.

Bub's changed?

Well, I saw him this morning.

He looked just the same to me.

It's in the afternoon
that it begins, Dad.

That's when he gets into those

kooky ties and then starts
soaking himself in perfume.

Dad, he's even got a
mirror in the cookie jar.

A mirror in the cookie jar?

That's right, Dad.

Boy, that... that
Miss MacLish comes

over almost every day now.

She does?

She really turns him on.

Well, she's getting
him to teach her

how to make all
those Irish dishes.

That's funny. She's
not Irish, she's Scottish.

Well, anyway, Dad,
I figured that maybe

if we found her some of
those real authentic recipes

from Ireland, well, maybe
she'd leave Bub alone.

I told him that wouldn't work.

Now just a minute, fellas.

Bub is entitled to have
his own friends, you know.

Oh, sure, but this
is a little ridiculous.

Now wait a minute.

We mustn't take Bub for granted.

As I said, he's entitled
to his own friends,

his own interests and...

Well, he can certainly
spend his time

any way he wants to.

And if he wants to spend
it with Miss MacLish,

that's up to him.

Yeah, but, gee, Dad...

Robbie, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,

but butting into
other people's lives

is the most thankless
thing anyone can do, so...

Dad, suppose he decides
he wants to go steady

with her or something.

Robbie, don't be ridiculous.

He's your grandfather,
and she's...

Well, he certainly has
more sense than that.

Here we are.

Thank you, sir. Welcome.

Are you sure I can't
call a cab for you?

No, no. I'll pick
one up on the way.

You know, walking
keeps a fellow fit.

Well, thanks again.

You know, Pam, I've
been thinking that...

Yes, William?

Well, with this shindig
coming up, and, uh...

I'm kind of stuck
with these two tickets,

and I know you'll be
going yourself, so...

why can't we just go together?

Well, I don't see
why we can't at all.

We will, provided
you will come and go

to my dinner party with me.

After all, you should be
there to take some bows.

Well, I don't want
to take any bows.

You know what I mean.

After the party, we could,

you know, go someplace

and hear some music and maybe...

have a couple of dances together

and, uh... sort of
make a night of it, huh?

May I tell you something?

You are the dearest
person I know.

Night.

Do plates while
Rob's getting the silver.

Yeah.

Forks and towels... Oh!

Oh, fellas...

Aw, Dad, why can't
we just eat out?

Now, look, everything
doesn't have to fall apart

just because Bub isn't going
to be here for dinner one night.

Now let's be calm.
Pick up the silver.

Somebody get a towel.

We'll wipe it all off.

Well, what are
you all gaping at?

Uh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Jeepers, how come all of
a sudden, Bub has got...?

That must be Pamela.

Now don't wait up for me.

I may be late.

Very late.

Hey, Dad, how come Bub...?

Never mind, Chip.

Now what are you looking at?

Big bale of hay.

Well, hello, young fella.

Would you mind calling
your grandfather to the door?

Pinochle bums.

I'll get it.

Who are those two men I just...?

William, why, you
look just wonderful.

Yeah?

That suit and the vest
and the tie; wonderful.

You really like 'em?

Mm, very much.

How about that pin?

Perfect.

Well, some people have a knack

of cleaning up pretty
good, you know.

People do.

Shall we go?

All set. All right.

Oh, uh, you know, tomorrow,
if you have a minute,

it might not be a bad idea
to get your hair trimmed.

All right, if you say so.

Now shall we go?

Fine.

Sure.

He can't be in love with me.

Well, Pam, I didn't
think so either

until I saw that toupee,
and then I knew.

That's why I asked
you to meet me here.

Oh, Steve... oh,
I'm so sorry, I...

Well, of course, I'm very fond
of Bub as who wouldn't be?

I mean, he's just about the
dearest person I know, but,

well, I didn't expect
anything like this.

Oh, my, I'm sure you didn't.

But, uh, something has
to be done about it, Pam.

Yes... I know.

Steve, couldn't I just
go on being his friend?

Well, I guess you could
as long as Bub understands

that it's friendship on
your part and nothing more.

Well, couldn't you t...?

No.

No, that wouldn't be right.

I've got to be the
one who tells him.

Is he still sitting there?

Yep.

Boy, how can anybody
just sit in the same spot

for two whole days
and stare at nothing?

They say sometimes
a shock will bring

people out of these
emotional retrogressions.

Yeah, well, we've been
doing all the cooking.

That ought to be a
big enough shock.

We got to find something

to make him care again.

Hey, you suppose we've
been pampering him too much?

I mean, maybe we shouldn't
bring him his slippers

and do the dishes
and set the table.

Those are all his jobs.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, maybe supper.

Oh, hi, Chip.

Has he moved yet?

No.

Is he still sitting there?

Yeah, he's got a terrible
emotional possession.

Harold Roebuck said if
you sit in one spot too long,

you'll turn into a rock.

Yeah, well, you
tell Harold Roebuck

we'll let him know
if that happens.

Chip, can you put those away?

Okay.

Is he watching
television or something?

Uh-uh.

Heck, he hasn't
even started turning

into a rock yet.

Hi, boys.

Hi, Bub. You feeling better?

I feel fine, fine.

Come on, Sudsy, let's go.

We'll come back and stare
at him some other time.

Chip and Tramp
busted your dishes!

I wasn't anywhere near them!

Are those our good dishes?!

Are they?!

How come you're using

good dishes in the first place?!

I was standing clear over here.

Mike said it'd be okay.

What's Mike got to do with it?!

You know what
these dishes cost?!

Well, what are a
few dishes, Bub?

"Well, what are a
few dishes, Bub?"

And I beat my brains
out, going downtown

looking for a sale
to buy these things!

Your Dad works hard all week

to get enough money in
his pocket to pay for them!

Now clean this place up!

All of you do
something around here!

What are you laughing at?

Nothing, Bub, nothing.

"Nothing, Bub, nothing."

I want this place
cleaned up in five minutes,

or you don't get any dessert!

Get out of the way, Tramp.

Boy, what a noisy grandfather.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Dad, Dad, he's hollering again.

He is?

Yep! He sounded like he
wanted to smack somebody. No?

Yeah, and I'm not
even in the family.

Boy, it was neat, Dad.

He's hollering again?

Yeah! Just like the old times.

That's fine. That's fine.

Well, what are you-all
standing around here

for like a bunch of ninnies?!

Pick up those broken dishes!

Steve, you're the father.

Can't you get them
to clean this place up?!

Yes. Well, let's do
it! Get them, come on.