My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 2, Episode 14 - Chip Leaves Home - full transcript

Boy, that was a dumb movie.

All they do is kiss.

Yeah, how come grown-up
people kiss all the time?

I don't know.

Mike says you
get so you like it.

Boy, I was sure scared

when that kid ran
away into the jungle.

I wasn't.

Neither was I.

How come you said you were?

Uh, I just wanted to
see what you would say.



If there was a
jungle around here,

I'd run away to it any old time.

I bet. You're just saying that

'cause there's no
jungle around here.

There is, too.

How about that
park way across town

with all those trees and
bushes and the tennis courts?

Well, who wants to run away
to a clunky old tennis court?

I bet you'd be scared
to run away to anything.

Even a grocery store, even.

I would not. You would, too.

I bet you'd be
scared. I would not.

You would, too. Want
to get something to eat?

Sure. Let's go.



Ow... ooh!

Where is that kid?

Boy, if I find
him, I'll... I'll...

I think Bub's sore at somebody.

There you are.

There you are!

What are you trying to do,
raise my insurance premium?

Jeepers, Bub. What did I do?

You left your marbles
on my kitchen floor.

That's what you did.

Should we ask him
for something to eat,

or wait till he stops yelling?

When they passed out the brains,

did you have to stand
at the end of the line?

Boy, everybody sure
hollers at your house.

What did I do?

What did you do?
You just fixed it

so that the two neatest girls

at school won't even
speak to me. But I...

Didn't I tell you, if Alice
called this morning,

to tell her I was
at the library?

I did.

When a girl called,
I told her you said,

"If Alice calls, tell
her I'm at the library,

no matter where I am."

That wasn't Alice.

And you're never
supposed to say...

Oh, forget it. I should
have known better

than to trust a
dumb kid like you.

Doesn't everybody
make you feel dumb

when they yell at you like that?

Yeah.

I think I'd better go.

Nobody's in the mood
to get us anything to eat.

Marbles all over
my kitchen floor.

I nearly wound up in the oven.

Uh, Chip...

Whatever you're
going to say, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to do it.

I'm going to my room.

Your room?

Just 'cause you got your
junk scattered all over it.

I can't find my
bed half the time!

Hey, hey.

You guys are
being a little rough

on the kid, aren't you?

He deserves it. Yeah.

No, seriously, you guys,
Chip is at a very sensitive age.

We're studying about it
in my psychology class.

Now, you've just
done an awful thing.

You embarrassed him
in front of his best friend.

Now, that right there is
enough to make him sick...

Physically ill.

It's liable to incur a
rebellious reaction.

Perhaps even cause
a severe trauma.

Well, he's had the chicken
pox and the measles,

so he might as well
have the trauma.

No, really, Bub.

Just remember that
he is at a difficult stage.

Don't push him too
far, or he will rebel.

He might even run away.

What?

Dad? Yeah, Chip?

I didn't say that. Can
I ask you something?

Sure.

Oh, man, everybody
knows who's the ding-a-ling.

Uh, who you going to believe?

What's on your mind, Chip?

I was just wondering
about something.

Oh?

Like what?

Well, would you miss me if I
wasn't around here anymore?

Oh, I guess we
might miss you a little.

Why, you thinking of
leaving or something?

No. I was just wondering.

Hmm. Where is my evening paper?

Somebody bring it in?

Chip, come back here.

Oh, for the...

Jeepers, I thought you read it.

I was just putting some
stuff in my scrapbook.

I'm sorry.

Chip, will you do me a favor?

If you should change your
mind and decide to leave,

would you do it
tomorrow night before the

evening papers comes?

This sort of thing

makes it just a little difficult

to keep up with what's
happening in the world.

Hey, what's the matter

with all these dumb pens
in this house anyhow?

Mike's got the only
other one in the house,

and he's using it.

Oh, man, this
worked this morning.

Look out, Robbie!

Aah!

Why did you hog
up all the pens, Chip?

Gee, Robbie, I didn't know
you were going to use them.

And besides,

the cartridges make
real neat missiles.

Oh, man, Ms.
Fisher's going to kill me

if I don't finish
this assignment.

You know, you're the
world's biggest pest.

Why don't you go somewhere
else and get out of my hair.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Good-bye, Tramp.

I got to go now.

Please don't cry.

I left a note for
Robbie to read to you.

I can't take you with me,

'cause I don't know
where I'm going.

If I go to India or
someplace like that,

if you get lost, it will
be real bad for you,

'cause I don't think they
can read your tags over there.

I got to go now.

Well, Pete, I'll see you
down at headquarters.

Be sure you lock up good.

Been a lot of trouble
around here lately.

Tramp.

Tramp, will you get out of here?

Can't you see
I'm trying to sleep?

Chip, will you please

take your dog downstairs?

Chip, will you make him stop?

Chip?

Chip?

Chip?

Criminy sakes.

He's really done it.

Dad? Hey, Dad!

Operator, would you
give me the police?

And hurry up.

Hello.

Hello, police?

I'd like to report
a missing child.

Yes, I'll hang on, but
hurry it up, will you?

This is partly my fault, Steve.

I feel awful.

Me, too, Dad.

Yello. Yes, yes.

I'd like to report
a missing child.

Well, he goes by
the name of Chip.

Uh, Chip Douglas.

837 Mill Street.

Yeah... yeah, I'm...
I'm Steven Douglas.

I'm his father.

Yes, of course, it's
the same address.

Uh, hold it just a
minute, will you, Officer?

Sudsy's mother
hasn't seen him, either.

Uh, yes, Officer.

He's nine years old.

How tall is the
boy, Mr. Douglas?

Well, he's about, uh...

How tall would you say Chip is?

Oh, about four-foot-three.

He's about five-one.

Four-foot-eleven.

Uh, I'm sorry, Officer.

I can't tell you
exactly how tall he is.

He's, uh... well, he's
the average height

of a nine-year-old boy.

Well, he's average weight.

Maybe a little chubby.

Blond hair.

Crooked little smile.

Crooked little smile.

Now, let's not get
whimsical, Mr. Douglas.

If we're going to find the boy,

we have to have an
accurate description.

What was he wearing
when he left home?

I don't know what
he was wearing.

If I'd seen him leaving,
I would have tried

to stop him, now, wouldn't I?

You weren't at home at
the time, Mr. Douglas?

The boy was left alone?

No, he wasn't left alone.

He left while we
were all sleeping.

That means he could
have been out all night.

Is he a chronic runaway?

No, he's never
run away in his life.

Look, the quicker
we get off the phone,

the quicker you
can get your men out

to look for him...
is that right?

There will be five
squad cars on the streets

in five minutes, Mr. Douglas,

but first, I have to
have a complete report.

It's regulations.

Now, then.

Is there any history
of emotional instability,

or is he under any
kind of therapy?

No, he's under
no kind of therapy.

He's a... he's a
normal, healthy boy

who's never given
us a minute's trouble.

There's always a
first time, isn't there?

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Now, let's not get ourselves
out of control, Mr. Douglas.

It never helps in
situations like this.

I'm not getting out of control.

I'm perfectly calm.

I just want to tell you
that I've lost my son, and...

Have you searched the
house thoroughly, Mr. Douglas?

Look, Officer,

I don't seem to be
getting through to you.

Our little nine-year-old
boy has run away.

He's probably alone someplace.

He left a note and everything.

He's gone!

Have you searched the
house thoroughly, Mr. Douglas?

Under beds, in closets,
in the basement?

Have we searched the house?

Of course we've
searched the house! We...

Oh, oh, just a minute, Officer.

Have we looked for him
every place in the house?

I'll check the basement, Dad.

Well, I'll look upstairs.

Oh, I'll go with you, Mike.

Uh, just a minute, Officer.

Would you hang on, please? What?

Does he get along
well with other children?

Yes, of course, he gets
along with other children.

Any luck?

Not yet.

What's he barking for?

What's the matter, Tramp?

Of course.

That's the logical place.

Why didn't we
think of it before?

I don't know.

Hold him.

Here, Pet.

Come here, boy. Come here!

Come here!

Bub.

Why, that little dickens.

Well, let's go
down and tell Dad.

Officer, I told you.

He left us a note saying
he was running away.

Uh, he didn't leave
it with us exactly.

He left it with our dog.

Dad!

Dad, we found him.

Just a minute, Officer.

You found him?

Sound asleep in the attic.

In the attic?!

Officer, uh, there's
been a little mistake.

Uh, you can forget
the whole thing.

Yes, that's right, we found him.

Ye-Yes, and even though
we pay our taxes, I...

I'm sorry I took up
so much of your time.

That's quite all
right, Mr. Douglas.

Always glad to be of service.

Well, another day, another kook.

How do you like that kid?

We're ready to
call out the marines,

and he's up in the attic.

Sleeping like a baby.

Well, he's going to sleep
on his stomach from now on.

Oh, now wait a minute, Dad.

Let me talk to you before
you do anything hasty.

I'm not going to
do anything hasty.

Corrective, I
believe, is the word.

Believe me, he won't
pull another stunt

like this for a while.

But don't-don't you see, Dad?

Chip did this to get attention.

So, the best way to
handle this is to ignore him.

Ignore him?!

After the way he's had
us all stewing around here?

Right. If you let him
know how upset you are,

he'll have a weapon to use.

Anyway, Dad, if-if you're
going to talk to him reasonably,

at least wait till
you cool down.

I'm not going to talk
to him reasonably.

I'm going to spank him.

Dad, please, let Chip
stay up in the attic.

Just pretend we
don't know he's there.

Ignore him completely.

Oh, you mean, uh,

let him do a little
stewing himself, huh?

Boy!

Well, how-how long do
you think he'll stay up there?

Well, what does it matter?

He's perfectly safe up there.

Anyway, believe
me, he'll be down

as soon as he gets
hungry and lonely enough.

And speaking of hungry,

now that the crisis is over,
how about some breakfast?

That's a good idea, Bub.

Okay, Mike, we'll wait a while.

Well, his guilt feelings

will make the
situation intolerable.

He'll be down within an hour.

Well, he'd better be,

because I'm not going
to make two breakfasts.

Excuse me, Bub.

Excuse you, sure.

If there's a moving object in
sight, you never miss, do you?

Either you need glasses
or radar equipment.

Dad, I looked all
through the basement

and all through the
garage, and he's not there.

Oh, we found him,
Robbie. He's up in the attic.

No kidding? What's
he doing up there?

Rebelling, taking a stand.

Against what?

Against certain
members of this family

whom he thinks
don't understand him.

Well, heck, I have to
share a room with him.

I understand him.

It's just that I don't
like him sometimes.

Well, I guess maybe

Chip feels that way
sometimes, too, Robbie.

He's entitled to
his feelings, too.

I just hope we're
doing the right thing.

I, uh.. I hate to think of him
up there alone and frightened.

Well, if, uh... if this
experiment's going

to work, Dad, he has
to feel some discomfort.

I suppose so.

Hey, couldn't I just go up
there and hit him one, Dad?

No, you couldn't,
Robbie, and stop that.

Just can't help feeling
sorry for the little guy, though.

He's probably
waking up about now.

Lonely, deserted, hungry.

Say, uh, Bub, what time is it?

Five minutes later than
the last time you asked me.

Mike, you said you thought
he'd be down in an hour.

It's way past that now.

I know, Dad.

Well, he's... he's
showing more hostility

than I thought he would.

He's showing good sense.

He got out of doing the dishes.

He's probably afraid
to come down now.

Probably up there
crying his eyes out.

How was your trip, John?

Okay. If you need some
wad, I'll back it up for you.

Whoa.

Well, this whole
thing is getting

to be just a little silly.

And basic child
psychology or not,

if that boy isn't
out of that attic in...

Oh, come on, Dad, relax.

Nothing can happen
to him up there.

No, he could have fallen out

of the attic window,
couldn't he?

Oh, dry up, Robbie!

Hmm.

Come on, Tramp, come on.

Got to move over there.

I'll tell you, Dad.

Chip is as safe in the attic
as he is in his own bedroom.

Well, can't he
suffocate in the attic?

Not if he's fallen
out of the window.

Will you two cut that out?

Dad, I've, I've got it.

Chip wants to come
down, but he can't,

because he's ashamed to face us,

so what we've got
to do now is to...

is to let Chip know we miss him.

Let him come down gracefully.

I'm sorry, Mike, but I can't
go along with this anymore.

I'm going to get him right now.

But... I'm going with you.

But Dad, don't you see?

This is so important
for his future adjustment.

Well, I'll take care of his
future adjustment in the future.

Come on, Dad,
just-just try it, huh?

Boy, it, uh...

It sure is lonely around
here without Chip.

Oh, Mike, this is ridiculous.

I ought to go up there
and... Please, Dad.

Well, all right.

I'm worried sick.

I wish he'd come home soon.

Well, I sure miss his
help with the dishes.

It just isn't the
same without Chip.

If he doesn't come down here

in 15 minutes, I'm
going up there and...

I'll bet he doesn't know
how much we miss him.

Tramp's so
lonesome, he won't eat.

Let-let's go downstairs.

All right.

15 minutes, I'll
give him, that's all.

Okay, okay, okay.

Well, that's 15 minutes.

That does it.

Oh, but, Dad...
Now, no more, Mike.

I said that does it.

Ain't this awful?

Up and down, up and down.

I'm commencing to feel like the
lead horse on a merry-go-round.

Oh! Excuse me,
Bub. I didn't mean to...

Don't worry about a thing.

I'll just phone my
insurance man,

have him add
collision to my policy.

I can't believe it.

It doesn't fit the
pattern at all.

What's up?

Operator, Operator,
give me the police.

Just-just...

Hello. Uh, this is
Steven Douglas.

I called earlier about
a missing child, and...

Yes, yes, I'll hang on.

Will somebody please tell
me what this is all about?

Yes. We're... Well,
he's nowhere outside.

Well, of course not.

He's up in the attic.

No, he's not in the attic.

I guess he was in the attic,
but he certainly isn't there now.

Uh, yes, Off... yes, yes, this
is Steven Douglas, Officer.

I called you this morning
about the boy that was missing.

I thought you found him.

Yes, we did find him,
but he's missing again.

Is there any reason why

he would have run away a
second time, Mr. Douglas?

No, no, no, of course not.

There wasn't any reason for
him to run away the first time.

When you found him
this morning, Mr. Douglas,

exactly what did you do to him?

I didn't do anything to him.

I mean, we didn't find him.

We-we found him,
but we didn't see him.

I mean, I didn't see him.

Now, don't get
hysterical, Mr. Douglas.

Are you sure he's
gone this time?

Of course, I'm sure he's gone.

I wouldn't be calling
you if he weren't gone.

Well, we'll be over
in about five minutes.

Oh, have a picture of
the boy ready for us.

Well, all right. Thank you.

They want a picture of Chip.

Who... Where's
a picture of Chip?

There's one up in my room.

Me and Chip at the
church. Go and get it.

I feel awful, Dad.

I don't know what to say.

Well, don't say anything.

We did everything right
according to my textbook.

Well, textbooks
don't always provide

all the answers to life, Mike.

- Just remember that.
- Hey, you guys?

Huh? Chip's up in his room.

In his room?

What's he doing there?

He's in bed, sleeping.

Sleeping?

Well, what do you know?

I don't know nothing.

So if you guys don't mind,

I think I'll go and
make a prune whip.

Chip?

Chip Douglas, I'm...

Dad. Robbie, you stay
out of this. I'm going to...

Dad, did you know you had
an old train set in the attic?

Boy, it's neat.

You mean to tell me

that's what you were
doing up in the attic?

Playing with my old train?

I'm sorry.

On second thought,

maybe you'd better
smack him at that, Dad.

Robbie, I told you to
stay out of this. Now...

Yeah, let Dad handle this.

Well, look, would you
both get out of here?

Robbie, out. Both of you.

Come on.

Oh.

Do you realize that you
had us practically frightened?

I didn't mean to worry you, Dad.

Well, you did worry us, Chip.

Want to see the train? No,
I don't want to see the train.

I want to have a serious talk.

Told these officers
we found Chip,

but they insisted on
looking for themselves.

Where did they go?

What, Chip and Dad? Yeah.

Well, they're up in
the attic playing trains.

They're up in the
attic, playing trains.

They're up in the
attic, playing trains.

Well, it's been nice.

You're new, so if you
should ever get a call

from a Mr. Douglas
at this address,

forget it.

You know what I mean, buddy?

Pass.

Make sure every wheel
is on the track, Chip,

or the train just won't go.

Yeah, I know.

Dad? Hmm?

I didn't really
want to run away.

I know, Chip.

How come I ran away anyhow?

Well, sometimes
things don't always go

just the way we
think they ought to.

Sometimes we

get the feeling that we
aren't loved or needed.

Then it all kind of
piles up, and, uh,

well, we just have to
do something about it.

I think maybe you ran
away just to find out

if we really loved
you around here.

I guess you found that out, huh?

Do you want to run
the train for a while?

Oh, sure, if you don't mind.

No, go right ahead.

It's been a long time.

Let's see now. Which is
the... Which is forward?

Whoa, whoa.

No, no. The other way.

No, the other way.

Oh... oh, there she goes.

Sure runs good.

Yeah.

Trains don't sound
like that anymore, Dad.

They go beep, beep, beep.