My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 1, Episode 32 - The Musician - full transcript
Robbie pretends to be someone he is not in order to impress a girl. He claims he likes classical music since she enjoys it.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Gee, that was great.
Oh!
Hi.
You like Beethoven?
Oh, is that what
you were playing?
One of his sonatas.
I didn't know he was that good.
I'm Elizabeth Martin.
Oh, I'm Douglie Robas.
I mean... I mean my
last name is Douglie.
I mean, my first name is Robas.
No, Rob... Bob... Bobert.
Oh, I have an uncle named Bob.
He's a wonderful person.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I like Bob, too.
But, uh, Elizabeth's
a better name.
I mean for you, not for me.
Um, I haven't seen
you around here before.
Oh, I use the hall to
practice in once in a while.
The piano is old, but it
has an excellent tone,
and I can play as loud as I want
without disturbing anybody.
Yeah, I like to do that, too.
Oh, here.
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Um, in fact, I think I'll start
practicing here more often.
You play the trumpet, Bob?
Oh, sort of.
Where do you got to school?
Glenmore.
I love the trumpet.
Oh, Glenmore.
That's the big school
on the hill, isn't it?
That's right.
Which do you like to play,
popular or classical music?
Oh, I play one about
as good as the other.
Except I prefer things
like... Beethoven.
Glenmore... that's a
girls' school, isn't it?
300 of us.
Maybe we could work
on a duet together.
Hey, yeah.
And I can accompany you.
Oh, yeah... maybe we could.
300 girls...
Hey, it's too bad they
don't take in boys, huh?
I... I guess I better be going.
It's late.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
Would you like a
malt or something?
I promised I'd be home at 3:00.
Oh, well, you better go then.
Yeah.
Or a soda?
Well, I've got a better idea.
Why don't you come home with me.
Hey, yeah, sure, why not?
Sure.
Oh, bring your trumpet so we
can start working on the duet.
We can?
Sure.
Well, okay.
I just hope you know
the piano part to reveille.
Just a minute.
Up and down, up and
down, up and down.
The doorbell never
rings when you are near it.
Always the milkman
or the gardener.
Oh, it's something all the time.
Oh, hello, Elizabeth.
Hi. Sorry I forgot my key.
Oh, well... This is Bob...
The morning you remember
them, then I will worry.
This is Bob Douglas.
Oh, hello.
Bob?
Bob?
Hello.
Hello... Good afternoon.
Your mother's upstairs
looking for your
father's dinner jacket.
I will tell her you're home.
You know how she is
about these dinner parties.
Hey, is this that
beat-up old barn
just outside of town?
Uh-huh, Mother painted it.
No kidding.
Gee, imagine hanging
a picture of an old barn
inside a house like this.
Come on, I'll put
my things away.
Oh, Lady, you sit there
with that innocent
look on your face,
when you've been
running around the house
all day, I bet. Huh?
Whoa.
Boy.
Man.
This is really nice.
Yes, it is until you
have to clean it.
Oh, yeah.
Boy.
Just drop your books anywhere.
This is Lady.
No kidding.
I've never seen a
dog like that before.
Don't let that name fool you.
Three seconds before we came in,
you can be sure
she was on the sofa.
You'd think she'd
never been told
to stay off the furniture.
We try to keep our
dog off the furniture, too.
I guess all that happens
is that he keeps us off.
You have a dog, too?
What kind is it?
Um... I never noticed.
How long have you
lived here, Elizabeth?
Oh, about a year.
Guess you must have
a lot of friends, huh?
Well, a few. The ones at school.
All girls, huh?
Oh, yes.
Any boys?
When we give parties.
You give many parties?
Mm, some.
Oh.
Do you want to work
on the duet now?
Oh, yeah... Um...
Why don't we just
talk for a little while?
Oh, okay.
Let's sit down.
What would you
like to talk about?
What are you taking in school?
The usual stuff... science...
literature, Latin.
Oh, I'm taking Latin, too.
Yeah?
You know, I can't figure out
why knowing how to
say "farmer" in Latin
is going to help
me get through life.
You better not let
Caesar hear you say that.
Who?
Caesar... he's sitting
right beside you.
Oh!
So that's what the
old boy looks like.
I wonder if he had
as much trouble
with Latin as I'm having.
Uncle Bob gave it to Mom and Dad
as part of their
wedding present.
Romantic, isn't it?
Romantic?
Here's the rest of
his wedding present.
Uncle Bob found
this coat of arms
in a little out-of-the-way
book store in Paris.
He made the frame himself.
No kidding.
"Omnia Amor Vincit."
"All love he conquers."
"He conquers all love"?
"He loves to conquer all"?
How about "Love Conquers All"?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but I thought
"love" was a verb.
You know, amo,
amas, amat, amatis...
Amamus.
Huh?
"We love."
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Amatis.
"You love."
Plural.
Yeah... You know
how to say it in French?
What?
"I love."
Sure. J'aime.
What?
J'aime.
Gem?
No. J'aime.
Juh... em?
You have to sort
of pucker your lips...
Jeugh... Jeugh?
Jeugh.
Jeugh?
I think the French have
it all over the Latins.
I do, too.
Elizabeth?
Yes, Bob?
There's something
I'd like to ask you.
What is it?
Do you go steady with anybody?
No.
Gosh.
Do you?
No.
Oh.
Amo, amas, amat.
J'aime, tu aimes, elle aime.
Oh, now listen, Elizabeth,
he's been over to your
house four nights in a row.
Why don't you come
over here for a change?
Do you like steak
and kidney pie?
Well, yes, very much, but...
Well, I'm glad you do,
because that's exactly
what we're having.
Hey, Bub, I'm home.
Now just a second, Elizabeth,
I think he just came in.
Somebody wants you
on the phone... Bob.
Elizabeth.
Brother, what'd you say to her?
Oh, nothing very much.
I just told her how messy
you are in the bathroom
and how crummy you
keep your own room.
And I did mention
about the little birthmark
you got on your...
Oh, my gosh, Bub, you didn't?!
You're right, I didn't,
but it's a good idea.
Say, Elizabeth, I...
Tell her 6:30.6:30?
Okay, Bob, I'll be there.
You will? Where?
Oh, Mother's calling me.
Thanks so much for
inviting me to dinner,
and I'm looking forward
to meeting your family.
Oh.
But, Eliz... I'll
be right there.
Well, you can call me
back later if you want,
and I'll see you
tomorrow night. Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, boy, what a crummy deal.
Bub, we just can't invite
a girl like Elizabeth
into this house.
Why not? She sounded
like a nice, intelligent girl.
You don't need to
be ashamed of her.
Oh, Bub, you're all mixed up.
It'd be like inviting
Martha Washington
or one of those ladies, down
to a hamburger joint for dinner.
Are you kidding?
Who's all mixed up?
Well, you know what I
mean. Hey, everybody!
We did it!
We beat them!
Bryant 54, Plainview 52.
The last...
What are you doing
with my guitar?
It's not your guitar.
What do you mean...?
Hey, look out!
You're gonna break all my rocks!
There, you see?
That's why I can't
invite her here.
What's wrong with that?
You're usually in the middle
of a deal like that yourself.
And listen to me.
If I ever catch you Hi, gang.
Playing around
with this thing again,
I'm gonna break
it over your head.
Dad, Bub says he's
doing me a favor...
Dad, Dad, did you see
what he did to... Mike, Mike.
Would you hold it down a minute?
Wh-What did you say?
I said Bub thought he
was doing me a favor,
but what if they do this
kind of thing tomorrow night?
You got to be on my
side this time, Dad.
Tell them what I mean.
I still don't know
what you're saying.
Bub invited Elizabeth Martin
for dinner tomorrow night,
and Robbie's
ashamed of us again.
Oh.
Well, gee, Dad, it'd
be like Sir Lancelot
having to eat dinner
at an army mess hall
with Lady Genevieve.
Guinevere.
What happened to
Martha Washington?
Uh, she died.
Now, look, Robbie...
Dad, the Martin's house
is so quiet and refined, and
they eat in the dining room,
and they have servants,
and they play Beethoven,
and-and they talk in
foreign languages and...
Sometimes the language
around here is pretty foreign, too.
I know a French
poem. Well, never mind.
I learned it in the navy.
Bub.
What's the matter with that?
It's a foreign language.
Don't you see, Dad?
If Elizabeth ever comes
here, I'll never see her again.
Now, look, Sir Lancelot,
regardless of how you feel
about your home at the moment,
Lady Guinevere has been invited
to the Douglas mess hall
for dinner tomorrow night.
Now, either you go
through with the invitation,
or you better stop seeing her.
Stop seeing her?
Well, if this girl means
that much to you,
it's about time you let her
see the kind of family you have.
And the sooner, the better.
Okay.
One of these days, when I'm
a broken-down old bachelor
with just my bitter memories,
remember you're the one
who invited Elizabeth
here to dinner, not me.
Darned kid, he's more
trouble than he's worth.
Try to do him a favor, and
that's the thanks you get.
Well... You were gonna
say something, Bub?
Sure.
I, uh, just wanted you to know
how, uh, sorry I am that
your father had to work tonight.
Bub, you, uh, you
already said that.
I'm sorry your father
couldn't be here, too.
So am I.
Maybe he could show
me what fork to use.
Just use the one
you always use, Chip.
I used that one, but I still
have two forks left over.
How about a little more steak
and kidney pie, Elizabeth?
Oh, I'd love some, Mr. O'Casey.
Elizabeth, you don't
have to be polite.
I mean it, it's delicious!
Do we have to listen
to that crummy music?
That happens to be Beethoven.
You going someplace, young man?
Oh, no.
Sir.
What's that?
I don't hear anything.
That's our dog.
Your dog.
What do you mean, my dog?
He sleeps on your bed
more than he does on mine.
Well, can't he come in?
He sounds very unhappy.
Uh, no, he isn't allowed
in the dining room
while we're eating.
Is he, Chip?
No, 'cause we always
eat in the kitchen.
Chip, get him out of here!
Boy! He's a smart dog.
I'm sorry. I'll get a
sponge or something.
Oh, don't bother. It
hardly touched me.
Whose dog do you
suppose that is?
I'll take care of it.
It's all right, it's
just a little water.
It won't stain anything.
Phew!
Tramp, you smell just like
the Pearson's new lawn.
Hey, Elizabeth, you
know how many sacks of...
Certainly was a nice day
today, wasn't it, Elizabeth?
What's wrong with that?
Look how many sacks of...
- Chip!
Never mind.
Course, you never can tell
when one of those
rain storms will come up.
Hey, Elizabeth, we
used 40 sacks of...
Chip, now, I've
asked you nicely.
But I was just
gonna... Knock it off!
Oh, hi, Robbie.
How's the party going?
Sorry I'm late, but things
kind of piled up on me at the...
Robbie?
Hey.
Hey, Bob, it's Dad.
Are you there?
I don't think so.
What?
Part of me is here, and
part of me is out there.
I'm kind of scattered
all over the house.
Oh.
Here, uh... sit down, hmm?
Come on, sit down.
Do you feel all right?
I don't feel anything.
Not happy, not sad.
Not here, not there.
Just kind of like the
fumes of an exhaust pipe.
I'm, uh, I'm not quite sure
I know what you mean.
Part of me is trying
to be the kind of guy
Elizabeth wants me to be.
And another part is trying to
be a good sport with the family
like you want me to be.
And the rest of me is just
sitting here in the kitchen,
wondering what the
other two parts are doing.
It's kind of funny.
I just can't describe it.
It's just...
Well, I'd, uh, I'd say you were
doing a very good
job of describing it.
Yeah.
Did you ever feel like there
were two great big hairy hands
that were clutching
at your windpipe?
Well, no, not lately.
I can't breathe.
I can't talk.
Well, you're
squeezing your throat.
Don't do that. Stop it.
I can't find any words.
Everything's just...
Robbie, will you tell me
just what seems
to be the problem?
Oh, there's no problem.
Except working all day and...
I-I mean, Bub fixed the dinner,
and Mike and Chip
cleaned the house all day,
and the record player
all over the table...
Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute...
I mean, I can't, Dad,
because I just can't!
Look, hold it. I
been working all day!
Hold her, hold her, hold her.
Now, let's take it easy.
I can't understand
what you're saying.
That's better.
Now, let's have
another go at it.
Now, I think I vaguely heard
the word "dinner"
in there someplace.
What about it?
Well... Easy, now.
Well, Bub worked all
day to fix a nice dinner.
Yeah.
And Mike, Chip and
I cleaned the house
the cleanest it'll
ever be. Mm-hmm.
And there was good
music in the table
and the silvery flowers were
all over the record player!
Take her easy, take her
easy. Take it easy, Rob.
Well... We had flowers
all over the place
and-and silver on the table
and good music
in the record player.
And you know what? What?
It couldn't have been a
more messed up dinner party
if we'd tried to louse it up.
What about Elizabeth?
Is, uh, she still here?
No.
I don't think so.
I think she just went
out with Beethoven.
Isn't she a little young
to be running around
with a fellow that age?
I'm not laughing at you, Rob.
Oh, that's okay, Dad.
Go right ahead, I don't mind.
Look, you've got to keep
your sense of humor.
How can you keep something
when everything's lost?
All right, Robbie.
You stay out here and
feel sorry for yourself.
Okay.
That does it.
I guess I'm gonna be a
broken down old bachelor
before I even get
out of high school.
I thought you only went for
that long-haired
stuff like Beethoven.
I like all kind of music.
I was just playing
Beethoven to please you.
Oh, yeah?
Gosh, you could play
"Chopsticks" on the harmonica
and I'd like it.
We could have hamburgers
in the kitchen and-and I'd like it.
Rob... uh, I mean, Bob.
It's your chorus.
Yeah, come on, Bob.
It's your chorus.
Hmm?
Robbie.
♪ ♪
Gee, that was great.
Oh!
Hi.
You like Beethoven?
Oh, is that what
you were playing?
One of his sonatas.
I didn't know he was that good.
I'm Elizabeth Martin.
Oh, I'm Douglie Robas.
I mean... I mean my
last name is Douglie.
I mean, my first name is Robas.
No, Rob... Bob... Bobert.
Oh, I have an uncle named Bob.
He's a wonderful person.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I like Bob, too.
But, uh, Elizabeth's
a better name.
I mean for you, not for me.
Um, I haven't seen
you around here before.
Oh, I use the hall to
practice in once in a while.
The piano is old, but it
has an excellent tone,
and I can play as loud as I want
without disturbing anybody.
Yeah, I like to do that, too.
Oh, here.
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Um, in fact, I think I'll start
practicing here more often.
You play the trumpet, Bob?
Oh, sort of.
Where do you got to school?
Glenmore.
I love the trumpet.
Oh, Glenmore.
That's the big school
on the hill, isn't it?
That's right.
Which do you like to play,
popular or classical music?
Oh, I play one about
as good as the other.
Except I prefer things
like... Beethoven.
Glenmore... that's a
girls' school, isn't it?
300 of us.
Maybe we could work
on a duet together.
Hey, yeah.
And I can accompany you.
Oh, yeah... maybe we could.
300 girls...
Hey, it's too bad they
don't take in boys, huh?
I... I guess I better be going.
It's late.
Yeah.
Bye.
Bye.
Would you like a
malt or something?
I promised I'd be home at 3:00.
Oh, well, you better go then.
Yeah.
Or a soda?
Well, I've got a better idea.
Why don't you come home with me.
Hey, yeah, sure, why not?
Sure.
Oh, bring your trumpet so we
can start working on the duet.
We can?
Sure.
Well, okay.
I just hope you know
the piano part to reveille.
Just a minute.
Up and down, up and
down, up and down.
The doorbell never
rings when you are near it.
Always the milkman
or the gardener.
Oh, it's something all the time.
Oh, hello, Elizabeth.
Hi. Sorry I forgot my key.
Oh, well... This is Bob...
The morning you remember
them, then I will worry.
This is Bob Douglas.
Oh, hello.
Bob?
Bob?
Hello.
Hello... Good afternoon.
Your mother's upstairs
looking for your
father's dinner jacket.
I will tell her you're home.
You know how she is
about these dinner parties.
Hey, is this that
beat-up old barn
just outside of town?
Uh-huh, Mother painted it.
No kidding.
Gee, imagine hanging
a picture of an old barn
inside a house like this.
Come on, I'll put
my things away.
Oh, Lady, you sit there
with that innocent
look on your face,
when you've been
running around the house
all day, I bet. Huh?
Whoa.
Boy.
Man.
This is really nice.
Yes, it is until you
have to clean it.
Oh, yeah.
Boy.
Just drop your books anywhere.
This is Lady.
No kidding.
I've never seen a
dog like that before.
Don't let that name fool you.
Three seconds before we came in,
you can be sure
she was on the sofa.
You'd think she'd
never been told
to stay off the furniture.
We try to keep our
dog off the furniture, too.
I guess all that happens
is that he keeps us off.
You have a dog, too?
What kind is it?
Um... I never noticed.
How long have you
lived here, Elizabeth?
Oh, about a year.
Guess you must have
a lot of friends, huh?
Well, a few. The ones at school.
All girls, huh?
Oh, yes.
Any boys?
When we give parties.
You give many parties?
Mm, some.
Oh.
Do you want to work
on the duet now?
Oh, yeah... Um...
Why don't we just
talk for a little while?
Oh, okay.
Let's sit down.
What would you
like to talk about?
What are you taking in school?
The usual stuff... science...
literature, Latin.
Oh, I'm taking Latin, too.
Yeah?
You know, I can't figure out
why knowing how to
say "farmer" in Latin
is going to help
me get through life.
You better not let
Caesar hear you say that.
Who?
Caesar... he's sitting
right beside you.
Oh!
So that's what the
old boy looks like.
I wonder if he had
as much trouble
with Latin as I'm having.
Uncle Bob gave it to Mom and Dad
as part of their
wedding present.
Romantic, isn't it?
Romantic?
Here's the rest of
his wedding present.
Uncle Bob found
this coat of arms
in a little out-of-the-way
book store in Paris.
He made the frame himself.
No kidding.
"Omnia Amor Vincit."
"All love he conquers."
"He conquers all love"?
"He loves to conquer all"?
How about "Love Conquers All"?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but I thought
"love" was a verb.
You know, amo,
amas, amat, amatis...
Amamus.
Huh?
"We love."
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Amatis.
"You love."
Plural.
Yeah... You know
how to say it in French?
What?
"I love."
Sure. J'aime.
What?
J'aime.
Gem?
No. J'aime.
Juh... em?
You have to sort
of pucker your lips...
Jeugh... Jeugh?
Jeugh.
Jeugh?
I think the French have
it all over the Latins.
I do, too.
Elizabeth?
Yes, Bob?
There's something
I'd like to ask you.
What is it?
Do you go steady with anybody?
No.
Gosh.
Do you?
No.
Oh.
Amo, amas, amat.
J'aime, tu aimes, elle aime.
Oh, now listen, Elizabeth,
he's been over to your
house four nights in a row.
Why don't you come
over here for a change?
Do you like steak
and kidney pie?
Well, yes, very much, but...
Well, I'm glad you do,
because that's exactly
what we're having.
Hey, Bub, I'm home.
Now just a second, Elizabeth,
I think he just came in.
Somebody wants you
on the phone... Bob.
Elizabeth.
Brother, what'd you say to her?
Oh, nothing very much.
I just told her how messy
you are in the bathroom
and how crummy you
keep your own room.
And I did mention
about the little birthmark
you got on your...
Oh, my gosh, Bub, you didn't?!
You're right, I didn't,
but it's a good idea.
Say, Elizabeth, I...
Tell her 6:30.6:30?
Okay, Bob, I'll be there.
You will? Where?
Oh, Mother's calling me.
Thanks so much for
inviting me to dinner,
and I'm looking forward
to meeting your family.
Oh.
But, Eliz... I'll
be right there.
Well, you can call me
back later if you want,
and I'll see you
tomorrow night. Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, boy, what a crummy deal.
Bub, we just can't invite
a girl like Elizabeth
into this house.
Why not? She sounded
like a nice, intelligent girl.
You don't need to
be ashamed of her.
Oh, Bub, you're all mixed up.
It'd be like inviting
Martha Washington
or one of those ladies, down
to a hamburger joint for dinner.
Are you kidding?
Who's all mixed up?
Well, you know what I
mean. Hey, everybody!
We did it!
We beat them!
Bryant 54, Plainview 52.
The last...
What are you doing
with my guitar?
It's not your guitar.
What do you mean...?
Hey, look out!
You're gonna break all my rocks!
There, you see?
That's why I can't
invite her here.
What's wrong with that?
You're usually in the middle
of a deal like that yourself.
And listen to me.
If I ever catch you Hi, gang.
Playing around
with this thing again,
I'm gonna break
it over your head.
Dad, Bub says he's
doing me a favor...
Dad, Dad, did you see
what he did to... Mike, Mike.
Would you hold it down a minute?
Wh-What did you say?
I said Bub thought he
was doing me a favor,
but what if they do this
kind of thing tomorrow night?
You got to be on my
side this time, Dad.
Tell them what I mean.
I still don't know
what you're saying.
Bub invited Elizabeth Martin
for dinner tomorrow night,
and Robbie's
ashamed of us again.
Oh.
Well, gee, Dad, it'd
be like Sir Lancelot
having to eat dinner
at an army mess hall
with Lady Genevieve.
Guinevere.
What happened to
Martha Washington?
Uh, she died.
Now, look, Robbie...
Dad, the Martin's house
is so quiet and refined, and
they eat in the dining room,
and they have servants,
and they play Beethoven,
and-and they talk in
foreign languages and...
Sometimes the language
around here is pretty foreign, too.
I know a French
poem. Well, never mind.
I learned it in the navy.
Bub.
What's the matter with that?
It's a foreign language.
Don't you see, Dad?
If Elizabeth ever comes
here, I'll never see her again.
Now, look, Sir Lancelot,
regardless of how you feel
about your home at the moment,
Lady Guinevere has been invited
to the Douglas mess hall
for dinner tomorrow night.
Now, either you go
through with the invitation,
or you better stop seeing her.
Stop seeing her?
Well, if this girl means
that much to you,
it's about time you let her
see the kind of family you have.
And the sooner, the better.
Okay.
One of these days, when I'm
a broken-down old bachelor
with just my bitter memories,
remember you're the one
who invited Elizabeth
here to dinner, not me.
Darned kid, he's more
trouble than he's worth.
Try to do him a favor, and
that's the thanks you get.
Well... You were gonna
say something, Bub?
Sure.
I, uh, just wanted you to know
how, uh, sorry I am that
your father had to work tonight.
Bub, you, uh, you
already said that.
I'm sorry your father
couldn't be here, too.
So am I.
Maybe he could show
me what fork to use.
Just use the one
you always use, Chip.
I used that one, but I still
have two forks left over.
How about a little more steak
and kidney pie, Elizabeth?
Oh, I'd love some, Mr. O'Casey.
Elizabeth, you don't
have to be polite.
I mean it, it's delicious!
Do we have to listen
to that crummy music?
That happens to be Beethoven.
You going someplace, young man?
Oh, no.
Sir.
What's that?
I don't hear anything.
That's our dog.
Your dog.
What do you mean, my dog?
He sleeps on your bed
more than he does on mine.
Well, can't he come in?
He sounds very unhappy.
Uh, no, he isn't allowed
in the dining room
while we're eating.
Is he, Chip?
No, 'cause we always
eat in the kitchen.
Chip, get him out of here!
Boy! He's a smart dog.
I'm sorry. I'll get a
sponge or something.
Oh, don't bother. It
hardly touched me.
Whose dog do you
suppose that is?
I'll take care of it.
It's all right, it's
just a little water.
It won't stain anything.
Phew!
Tramp, you smell just like
the Pearson's new lawn.
Hey, Elizabeth, you
know how many sacks of...
Certainly was a nice day
today, wasn't it, Elizabeth?
What's wrong with that?
Look how many sacks of...
- Chip!
Never mind.
Course, you never can tell
when one of those
rain storms will come up.
Hey, Elizabeth, we
used 40 sacks of...
Chip, now, I've
asked you nicely.
But I was just
gonna... Knock it off!
Oh, hi, Robbie.
How's the party going?
Sorry I'm late, but things
kind of piled up on me at the...
Robbie?
Hey.
Hey, Bob, it's Dad.
Are you there?
I don't think so.
What?
Part of me is here, and
part of me is out there.
I'm kind of scattered
all over the house.
Oh.
Here, uh... sit down, hmm?
Come on, sit down.
Do you feel all right?
I don't feel anything.
Not happy, not sad.
Not here, not there.
Just kind of like the
fumes of an exhaust pipe.
I'm, uh, I'm not quite sure
I know what you mean.
Part of me is trying
to be the kind of guy
Elizabeth wants me to be.
And another part is trying to
be a good sport with the family
like you want me to be.
And the rest of me is just
sitting here in the kitchen,
wondering what the
other two parts are doing.
It's kind of funny.
I just can't describe it.
It's just...
Well, I'd, uh, I'd say you were
doing a very good
job of describing it.
Yeah.
Did you ever feel like there
were two great big hairy hands
that were clutching
at your windpipe?
Well, no, not lately.
I can't breathe.
I can't talk.
Well, you're
squeezing your throat.
Don't do that. Stop it.
I can't find any words.
Everything's just...
Robbie, will you tell me
just what seems
to be the problem?
Oh, there's no problem.
Except working all day and...
I-I mean, Bub fixed the dinner,
and Mike and Chip
cleaned the house all day,
and the record player
all over the table...
Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute...
I mean, I can't, Dad,
because I just can't!
Look, hold it. I
been working all day!
Hold her, hold her, hold her.
Now, let's take it easy.
I can't understand
what you're saying.
That's better.
Now, let's have
another go at it.
Now, I think I vaguely heard
the word "dinner"
in there someplace.
What about it?
Well... Easy, now.
Well, Bub worked all
day to fix a nice dinner.
Yeah.
And Mike, Chip and
I cleaned the house
the cleanest it'll
ever be. Mm-hmm.
And there was good
music in the table
and the silvery flowers were
all over the record player!
Take her easy, take her
easy. Take it easy, Rob.
Well... We had flowers
all over the place
and-and silver on the table
and good music
in the record player.
And you know what? What?
It couldn't have been a
more messed up dinner party
if we'd tried to louse it up.
What about Elizabeth?
Is, uh, she still here?
No.
I don't think so.
I think she just went
out with Beethoven.
Isn't she a little young
to be running around
with a fellow that age?
I'm not laughing at you, Rob.
Oh, that's okay, Dad.
Go right ahead, I don't mind.
Look, you've got to keep
your sense of humor.
How can you keep something
when everything's lost?
All right, Robbie.
You stay out here and
feel sorry for yourself.
Okay.
That does it.
I guess I'm gonna be a
broken down old bachelor
before I even get
out of high school.
I thought you only went for
that long-haired
stuff like Beethoven.
I like all kind of music.
I was just playing
Beethoven to please you.
Oh, yeah?
Gosh, you could play
"Chopsticks" on the harmonica
and I'd like it.
We could have hamburgers
in the kitchen and-and I'd like it.
Rob... uh, I mean, Bob.
It's your chorus.
Yeah, come on, Bob.
It's your chorus.
Hmm?
Robbie.