My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 1, Episode 26 - Small Adventure - full transcript

The Douglas' have their own small adventure when Steve is out of town on business. Tramp comes home with a live stick of dynamite and it is somewhere in the house.

What the heck?

For crying out
loud, what... Hey!

What's going on around here
at this hour in the morning?

Did you hear that?

What are you doing here?

Did I hear that?

You and your imitations
of the second World War

are getting too darned good.

That wasn't me.

Here, Tramp!

Give it to me.



They're dynamiting
over by the hill.

You know, where they're
putting in the new road?

Well, I want you to
go and tell those guys

that Saturday morning
is my morning to sleep.

And they can find another time

to make all that doggone racket.

Hey, neat! Come on, Tramp,
let's go watch them dynamite!

Oh, no, you don't!
No, you don't!

Stay right here.

But you said.

I was just talking
through my hat.

Now, you keep
away from that place.

If I'm gonna put up with you,

I want you all in one piece.



Aw, Bub.

Hey, Ed.

Yeah?

Now that you're retiring,

what are you gonna
do for excitement?

I don't know.

Shoot off fireworks
on the Fourth, I guess.

Yeah, stick pins in
balloons at parties.

Yeah, it looks like we
shook down enough

for them to work on a while.

Yeah, that was a
good one all right.

If the first one didn't
wake the neighborhood,

that one sure did.

Doggone it, Chip!

Five days a week, it's like
pulling teeth to get you up!

Now that it's my turn to sleep,
you're up at the crack of dawn!

What-What in the name...?

Sorry, Bub.

Good morning. Are you up?

Oh, no, no, I-I-I'm
sound asleep,

dreaming of a happy land where
school kids have sense enough

to sleep in on a
Saturday morning.

Well, tomorrow's Sunday.

We can sleep in then.

Oh, yeah?

Well, then who's
gonna meet your father

at the airport at 6:30
tomorrow morning?

Oh, yeah, I forgot
all about that.

What the heck are you guys
doing up at this hour anyway?

Doing our chores!

Well, Chip's raking leaves,

I'm cleaning up the bedrooms
and... Raking leaves?

Then why doesn't he
take that .50 caliber rake

in the backyard?

Heck, that's no fun.

I know it's no fun, but
that's where the leaves are.

Now get going.

Aw, Bub.

Quietly.

Now, look, Mike,

you've got all day
to do these chores.

Why in tarnation
do you have to be

waking the whole
neighborhood up at this hour?

Well, gee, Bub, you
don't have to get sore.

I'm just as pleased as punch.

Don't you see me smiling?

Yeah, but you're usually
griping all day Saturday

that we don't get our
work done soon enough.

And here we're trying to
get everything finished early

so you won't get sore.

I mean, Jean and I
have that picnic deal...

Jeepers, Tramp, how am
I gonna clean up this yard

if you're gonna keep bringing
everything back to me?

That's right.

I'm a mean, grouchy old man,

with three angel
boys for grandsons.

For crying out loud, Tramp,

I'm trying to work!

Tramp.

No, I didn't mean that.

Then why don't you say what
you mean? Quiet, will you?

That's the trouble around here.

Okay, okay! No one
ever says what they mean.

You want to chase something so bad?
- What did you do, get out

Then go find this. the wrong
side of the bed this morning?

Listen, the only
right side of the bed

at this hour is
the sleeping side.

Dumb old dog.

Maybe I can get my
clunky chore done now.

Now, look, I've asked
you nicely to knock it off.

Next time, I'm gonna get tough.

Guess it's too
early to call home.

Saturday morning, the kids
are probably sleeping in a little.

Besides, if I call,
what would I say?

Hi.

Just called to say hello.

No, no, nothing's wrong.

Just called to say
hello, that's all.

No, there's nothing wrong.

Yeah, I know it's
Saturday morning.

I know it's early.

Okay, I'm sorry I woke you up.

No, for the last time,
there's nothing wrong.

I just called to say hello.

Does something have to be wrong

every time somebody
calls somebody?

Okay.

Yeah, well, I'll... I'm
coming home tomorrow.

I'll see you then.

Good-bye.

No, no, I just, just calling
to say hello, that's all.

Good-bye.

How do you like that?

Make a friendly little
call to my own home,

and I get balled out for it.

Okay, just for that,
I won't call them.

What are you looking for, Ed?

Buried treasure?

Don't move.

What's the matter?

What were you saying
about buried treasure?

You flipped or something?

All I see is a old muddy stick.

Yeah, and if you want
to see a real explosion,

just try playing catch with it.

Hey, I've never seen
one like that before.

Hold it!

What's the matter?

It's only dynamite.

Yeah.

Losing your nerve?

After 40 years in the
business, you're afraid of

a little stick of dynamite.

I tell you what.

You give me a half an
hour to get away from here...

A way away from here...

Then you just pick
her out, gentle-like,

hold her about two feet
above the ground and drop her.

Yeah.

Or maybe... maybe
hit her with something.

Just a little love tap.

Then you tell me what happens.

Or, well, I guess maybe

I'll just read about
it in the papers.

We work with this
stuff all the time.

How come this one's so touchy?

Well, I've seen sticks like this

that stand up under
a pretty good blow.

Then the next minute,

bee buzzing would set it off.

That's why they
quit making them.

How long has this
thing been sitting here?

Well, as far as I know,

nobody's used any
dynamite up here since,

oh, before the war.

That's over 20 years ago.

Yeah.

And age hasn't
mellowed it any either.

She's loaded with nitro

and just aching to go off.

All right, all right, I give up!

I'm up. Oh, hi, Bub.

You go on back to bed.

Saturday's your day to sleep in.

I've got everything
under control in here.

Looks like it.

Come on, Bub, go
back and get some sleep.

Where's the
horseradish? Horseradish?

What are you doing
with those peanuts?

Oh, it's a surprise.

Now, you go on back to sleep,

and I'll call you
when it's ready.

Yeah, well, what
are we we having,

horseradish with
peanuts over easy?

Aw, Bub, I'm making
a horseradish omelet

with peanut pancakes.

Horseradish omelet
with peanut...?

What are you trying
to do, kill us off?

Well, that takes
care of this baby.

Wonder how come
that thing didn't go off

with that last blast of ours?

Ah, it was probably
buried too deep.

Or... maybe we just live right.

Who knows why?

Hello.

Hello.

Op-Operator, uh... good morning.

Operator, uh, the
phone just rang here,

and when I picked it
up, there was nobody on.

I wonder, uh...

This Mr. Douglas; I'm in the...

Yeah, 1244, that's right.

Steven Douglas.

Look, could you
check on that call

and see, uh, where it came from?

Uh, whether we
were cut off or...

Would you do that?

You don't think there's another
one lying around here, do you?

It'd be one chance in
a million if there was.

But we'll keep the signs
up and send in a crew

to cover the area just in case.

I was digging right where
that thing was buried.

That's right.

You almost had a little
retirement party of your own,

about 30 years
before you figured on it.

Oh. Good morning.

You have no Steven
Douglas registered?

Th... Look, I'm Steven
Douglas, and I'm in 1244,

and I've been here for
three days, Operator.

Well, I don't... Look,
all I asked was...

The-The phone rang here,
and when I picked it up,

there was nobody on, and
I asked you to check on it.

Yeah, would you please do that?

All right, uh, you
call me back then.

Right.

No wonder I haven't
had any phone calls.

What if something
were wrong at home?

What if they... what if
they tried to call me?

Tramp, where did
you dig this up?

Go help somebody else, will you?

Bet you I could throw
this in with my left hand.

Chip, telephone.

If it's that clunky old Doreen,

tell her I'm in Seattle
with Dad, on business.

Tell her yourself.
But make it snappy.

I'm expecting a call from Jean.

Oh, for gosh sakes.

- Hey, come on, beat it, Tramp.
- Okay, so long, good-bye.

Hey, Bub, have you
seen my rocket launcher?

It was probably
in Robbie's omelet.

He threw everything else in it.

I noticed you ate it.

Sure. Had to do something
to get rid of the taste

of your peanut pancakes.

We'll be lucky if we make
it through the morning.

In fact, I may die any minute.

Who's got the laundry basket?
- I do.

Look out, Tramp. You
want to get stepped on?

Okay, Robbie, you
ready down there?

Aye, aye, sir. Ready?

Aim... Fire.

Bombs away.

That all?

Not quite.

Not quite. This'll do it.

Robbie, here's one more.

And one of you guys better get

your gear off the steps.

Boy, around here, you
take your life in your hands

just walking down stairs.

I wonder if Robbie cleaned out
that garage like I asked him to.

Those old newspapers
and paint rags

and paint buckets...

Spontaneous combustion...

It could burn the
whole place down.

Here's the launcher.

Now where's the hammer?

Why don't you look in your room.

And while you're
looking in your room,

why don't you make your bed.

What for? Nobody's going
to see it except Robbie.

Oh, you brought me a stick, huh?

Well, come on.

Oh, you want to play.

I wonder if Mike had
that left rear tire recapped

on his jalopy like he
said he was going to.

Come on now, Tramp.

Come on.

Let me burn that up
with the rest of the junk.

You don't want
that dirty old stick.

Oh, come on, Tramp.

I haven't got all day.

Better call home.

All right, Tramp, that's a boy.

Yeah, give it... Come on.

Doggone it, Tramp!

Uh, good morning.

This is Mr. Stevens
again... I mean Douglas.

I'd like to place a
long-distance call.

I'll speak to anybody at...

Bring it right here.

Okay, now come on, Tramp.

Come on, I'm tired.

That's a boy.

It's for me!

Oh, the line is busy.

Look, Operator, I've
got to talk to my...

No, no, it's not an emergency.

Yeah, well, keep trying,
and call me, will you please?

Thank you.

Who's on the phone
this hour of the morning?

Oh, it'll be a lot of fun. Yeah.

Then I thought
tonight after the picnic,

we can go to the show.

I hear the picture's
a real gasser.

Yeah, it's about some monster

who goes around
blowing up whole cities.

Yeah.

Good morning.

Well, how can it still
be busy, Operator?

Well, keep trying, will you?

Operator, would you
call next door please.

No, no, I'm sorry, I don't
mean here, I mean there.

Yes, the number
is Larson 7-3601.

Yes, I'll wait.

Well, I can't think of
anything else to say.

That line is busy, too, huh?

Well, keep trying,
will you, Operator.

Keep trying on both of
them, and call me, hmm?

Yes.

And the name is not
Stevens, it's Douglas.

Maybe all the phones in
the neighborhood are busy.

Maybe there's a major
disaster of some kind.

Maybe... maybe they're
all trying to call fire engines

and ambulances, and...

Come on now, Douglas, you're...

letting your imagination
run away with you a little.

The Pearson's phone is
busy and our phone is busy

is because Mike
is talking to Jean.

It's as simple as that.

But this early on
Saturday morning?

Okay. Yeah, I'll talk
to you later. Okay.

The heck with it.
I'll use my shoe.

Yes?

Yes, this is Mr. Stevens.

No answer?

Operator, how can the
phone be busy one minute

and no answer the next?

I'm sorry, I didn't
mean it was your fault.

Look, keep ringing, will you?

This is an emergency.

I know I said that.

But it wasn't
then, but it is now.

Will you keep ringing? There
has to be somebody there.

Hello.

Chip! Chip, why didn't
somebody answer the phone?!

What's going on
there?! Is something...?

Hi, Dad. Have you
seen the hammer?

The hammer?

Look, Chip, what's going on?

I looked in the garage.

Chip, will you listen to me?

Where's Bub?

He doesn't know
where it is either.

Chip, look, I didn't call
all the way from Seattle

to find out about a hammer.

Now, will you tell me what's
going on there, what's wrong?

Don't you kids ever
get off the phone?

Who are you talking to?

Dad.

Yeah? What's he want?

He doesn't know where
the hammer is either.

What do you mean you don't
know where the hammer is either?

You were the last one to use it.

You know what time those
kids got me up this morning?

It's no wonder you leave town.

I guess that's about the only way
you can get any peace and quiet.

Hey, Bub, we got any glue?

Yeah, it's up
there with the soup.

For Pete's sake, Bub, will
you stop talking for a minute?

Tell me what's going
on there, what's wrong?

What do you mean wrong?

Why should there
be something wrong?

Hey, here's the hammer.

Where in tarnation
are you, at the airport?

I thought you didn't have
to be home till tomorrow.

Is something wrong?

No, no, there's
nothing wrong here.

You know you can trust me
to take care of things, Steve.

I watch these guys like a hawk.

Believe me, nothing goes
on that I don't know about.

Robbie... Robbie will you
turn that radio down a little.

Chip!

Hold on a minute,
will you, Steve?

There seems to be
a little problem here.

He, Bub, watch this.

Bub?! Bub?!

Operator!

Operator! Operator!

Operator!

Wow, what a blast.

There goes my tennis game.

Your tennis game?
What about our picnic.

Must have struck
someplace close by.

How do you like that.

A minute ago there
wasn't a cloud in the sky.

Robbie, check the
upstairs windows.

- It's going to pour any minute.
- I'll take the downstairs.

Oh, Chip.

Come on, Chip, let's go.
Put your bike away, come on.

Okay, as soon as
I nail this together.

Operator?

Come on, Chip, I
said get your bike in

before it floats
away. I'm coming.

Now, I mean now.

Be sure and check my
bedroom window, Robbie.

I won't have to
take a bath tonight.

What do you think
I'm doing right now?

Hey, Chip, did you
close our window?

Get in there, Chip.
Now don't bump yourself.

Take it easy now.

Tramp! Tramp!

Come back here.

Tramp, haven't you
got enough sense

to come in out of the rain?

Tramp, you want to
catch cold? Tramp!

Tramp, if you don't get in here,

you're going to have to
spend the day out there.

I'm not going to have you
messing up the house, you hear?

Yes, Operator, I
was trying to get you.

I was disconnected.

I don't know exactly
what happened, but...

Oh, I'm still connected.

Everything's all safe upstairs.

Hello.

Hello, Robbie.

Dad, I thought
you were in Seattle.

Well, I am.

I, uh... I just
called to say hello.

Oh. Hello.

Hello, Rob.

Boy, Dad, talk about bad luck.

Here I finally make
a date to play tennis

with Marilyn Turnthurston

and it's raining
like pitchforks here.

Yeah, lightning, thunder.

Thunder, huh?

I guess that's what I heard.

Hey, maybe we
can go to a movie...

if she has any money.

Hey, Dad, do you think it'll
clear up by this afternoon?

It's a little hard to
tell from here, Rob.

We, uh, we had a big storm
coming up here a while ago,

but it seems to have
passed right over.

In fact, the sun's shining now.

Yeah, well, I sure
wish I was with you.

My whole Saturday's
washing right down the drain.

Yeah. Good-bye.

Operator... Good
morning, Operator.

This is Mr. Douglas...

I mean Mr. Stevens in 1244.

That's right...
Mr. Douglas Stevens.

I left a call for 7:00. Would
you change that to...?

Just cancel it,
will you, Operator?

Thank you.