My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Delinquent - full transcript

Man, it's amazing.

Last week, $31 worth of junk.

And look at it now.

You know, with a
larger control unit

and an acoustic suspension
unit, we'd really have hi-fi.

It's sure been a drag trying to keep
this whole operation a secret from Jean.

I'm glad we can
use your basement.

Nobody will ever think
of looking for us here.

Keep the crowd back.

Get the search
lights on the window.

Stand by with your riot guns.



Clancy, give me
that loudspeaker.

Mike's never going to
get his homework done.

Jean, would you turn
that down just a little.

Mrs. Hotchkiss is
on the warpath again.

And she says if we don't hold
down on the racket over here,

she's going to phone the police.

We've got you
surrounded, Charlie.

The jig's up.

Throw out your gun.

You're going to have to
come and get me, copper.

Well, Mike, it's about time.

Shh. It's the movie.

Charlie.

Roberta.



Why did you come back?

Oh, Charlie, the whole
neighborhood is surrounded.

The police department
means business this time.

Oh, Charlie, give yourself
up while there's still...

Time's up, Charlie.

Oh, Charlie, I'm
frightened, Steady, kid.

I've been in tighter
spots than this.

What's your answer, Charlie?

Here's my answer, copper.

Oh, Charlie, was that necessary?

Charlie!

Charlie, speak to me.

They got me, my darling...

I wonder why Mike's so late?

Shh, shh.

Oh, Charlie.

Oh, Charlie...

there was so much good in you.

For an additional $6.50 we could
have added a rumble suppressor

and completely
eliminated turntable noise.

You know, it's a
wonder that Jean

hasn't found out about this.

Oh, she knows something's amiss.

Yeah, I've been
dodging her like mad.

What's the matter
with this thing?

This is what comes from
working under too much pressure.

Well, it would have been easy
if I could have told somebody.

It's impossible to keep
a secret at my house.

Jean practically lives there.

Oh, Charlie.

Oh, Charlie, does
it hurt very much?

Yeah, it does, Roberta.

But what is my hurt
compared to yours, baby?

I wonder where Mike can be?

I'm sorry you ever got
mixed up with a loser.

He's working at the market.

To me, Charlie, you will
always be a winner, in a way.

Look, Tim, it's my present
for my girl for her birthday.

Now will you relax?

I just don't like
surprises, Mike.

Well, it's not for
you... it's for Jean.

She's already started
asking me questions.

What am I going to tell her?

Tell her anything... just
use your imagination.

I don't have one.
I'm a technician.

Oh, Charlie...!

Oh, Roberta...

High-stepping girls,
snazzy roadsters, cocktails...

I haven't seen
Mike for three days.

Well, he was over to
your house last night.

No, he wasn't.

I haven't seen Mike
since last Sunday.

Well, that's funny.

He says he's been
working with Tim Weede...

but I think he's
found another girl.

Oh, Charlie, why'd you
have to go turn bad?

Oh, Charlie, I would
have surrendered with you

if you'd only...

But Roberta, you've
committed no crime.

Oh, Charlie, my only
crime was loving you.

No, no, no, no, the woofer
has to go on the right

and the tweeter goes right here.

See, the 300 cycle speaker
baffles are designed to balance...

300 cycles, 3,000
cycles, I don't know...

It's relatively simple.

Now, listen, according
to Ohm's law, electric...

Oh, Tim, let's not go through
Ohm's law again tonight.

Oh, Charlie...

Oh, Charlie, what
happened to the clean-cut,

right-thinking boy
I used to know?

Where the heck could Mike be?

Why wouldn't you
listen to me, Charlie?

I'm worried, Bub,
really worried.

Oh, Charlie, I'm
so afraid. Kiss me.

What a bunch of junk.

Shh.

If you'd only listened to me.

Oh, Charlie... why, Charlie?

Oh, why?!

Why? Why?! Why?!

Why?!

What are you doing here?

He isn't back yet.

Yeah, well, you
better get back to bed

before Bub catches on.

I wonder what he'll say when he
finds out what he's been doing?

How do you know
what he's been doing?

I don't.

But whatever he's been doing,
he's been doing it for a week.

Yeah.

I haven't seen him all day.

He didn't eat his breakfast,

and he hardly even
touched his dinner.

I bet he's in some
kind of trouble.

Who's in some kind of trouble?

Nobody.

Well, you're going to
be in some kind of trouble

if you don't get back
to bed... right now.

Okay, we're going, Bub.

Darn popcorn... the more
you eat, the drier you get.

I wonder what he'll say

when he finds out
what he's been doing?

Maybe he'll chain him up.

Do you think he would? Sure.

For how long? Who knows?

Maybe forever.

Oh, Charlie.

Charlie, hush.

Charlie... Oh, Charlie!

Charlie?

Charlie?!

Oh, Charlie!

If you'd only had
proper guidance.

Good-bye, Charlie.

Good-bye, Charlie.

Another fabulous big
hit movie presented by...

How long will
Mr. Douglas be in Denver?

He's flying home tomorrow night.

Why?

I just want to talk to him.

About Mike?

I see.

Good night, Bub.

Good night, Jean.

Mike.

Mike.

Mike. Are you out of gas?

No, I'm just trying not to wake
up the whole neighborhood.

Where were you tonight?

We were going to
study, remember?

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

I left the screen
door open for Tramp.

Let's go see.

You see what you made me do.

You woke the kids up.

I woke 'em up?

You seem awfully upset, Mike.

Are you in trouble?

Well, I am now.

Are you guys down here again?

No, we were just going to...

Oh, come on, we
might as well tell him.

He'll find out sooner
or later anyway.

Promise you won't get sore?

I'm no promising anything.

Now what's the deal?

We heard him coming in.

You tend to your own
business and get to bed.

Well, I'm tired of it.

He's been sneaking
off every night.

Only for a week.

A week?

He's got himself
a new girlfriend.

Well, that's just dandy.

What about Jean?

Jean?

He never cared about her.

And she doesn't like him either.

Are you kidding?

He's been running through
her flower beds at night.

I think she's afraid of him.

And he stole her best shoe
and buried it in the backyard.

I can't stand
out here all night.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Mike?

Look, Jean, I'm tired.

Dog tired.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Aw, this just
doesn't make sense.

It's disgraceful.

Positively disgraceful.

Are you going to tell Dad?

None of your business.

Now you two hit the sack.
Get to bed. Okay, Bub.

Up at this hour of the night.

Come on, the two of you.

Better try the front door.

Good night.

Night.

Jeepers, Bub, I don't know
what I'd do without him.

Now, now, don't worry, Chip.

We'll work this out some way.

Now, you get up to bed, go on.

What's got into him anyhow?

Darned kid.

Acting like some
kind of wild animal.

Hey, Mike... Bub. Bub.

I know he's in
some kind of trouble.

Is there anything I can do?

Now, Jean, you just go to
bed and leave everything to me.

The boys told me what
he did to your good shoe.

And I'm sure sorry.

Did you see him?

Bub just chased him
around the front of the house.

Oh, boy. He's in for it now.

Oh, I see you hiding
there in the bushes.

Come out of there.

Mike, come on out of
there now. The jig's up.

Oh, it's you, is it?

Well, come on.
Anyhow, you come on.

Come on in. Come on, Tramp.

Attaboy.

Where do you think
he's been going

these past few nights?

Robbie says he's
got a new girlfriend.

I knew it. I just knew it.

Oh, I caught you, huh?

Sneaking into bed
with all your clothes on.

The jig's up Michael Francis.

Huh?

How can you
treat Jean like that?

Trampling on her flower bed,

stealing her shoes and
burying 'em in the backyard.

How can you treat a
nice young girl like that?

Now, don't tell me you
haven't had proper guidance!

Oh, for crying out loud.

Friday is Jean's birthday, Bub.

Tim Weede and I have...

Hey, now wait a minute!

You gotta promise
to keep this a secret.

Oh, no! Oh, no, you don't.

Just until Friday!

Well...

Good. Like I said,
it's her birthday.

And Tim Weede and I
have been building a hi-fi.

Hey, Robbie, there
he goes again.

Where?

Over there.

Aw, heck, he's gone.

But he just got home.

That's the way he is.

He comes home just
long enough to eat,

and then he sneaks off again.

Same thing last
summer. For three weeks!

Why, I had no idea.

Well, what do you
expect of a stupid mutt?

Robbie!

Oh, did you get
that resistor thing?

Yeah, I got good news for you.

I traded the old chassis
for a Slade woofer!

Hey! Hi.

Who's "Woofer"?
Thanks for waiting, Mike.

Oh, that's okay.
We just got here.

Who's Woofer?

It's just a guy.

Yeah.

Woofer. That's an odd name.

Woofer what?

Woofer, uh... Uh,
Slade. Woofer Slade.

Woofer Slade?

He's not from
around here, is he?

Oh, darn it!

Oh, it's probably just the
carburetor float, huh, Mike?

It's a very simple
adjustment here.

Got a screwdriver there, Mike?

Yeah.

Tim, where is Woofer from?

Oh... uh... Ohms. Ohms.

Ville. Uh, Ville.

Ohmsville!

Ohmsville?

Ohmsville. Yeah.

It's a real live wire
town downstate.

♪ Oh, there's no
place like Ohmsville. ♪

Huh, Tim?

Scoo-be-do.

Well, Jean, here you are.

What kind of a gang is it?

Oh, it's a pretty
complicated unit.

Yeah, they, they
operate on cycles.

Motorcycles?

Yeah. From a 100 to 300 cycles!

Good heavens!

It's a pretty
hot set, all right.

They always got a rumble going.

I am the rumble suppressor.

But I thought Woofer
was the head of the gang.

Oh no, Tim's the Mr. Fixit.

He's the real brain
behind the set.

How on Earth did you
ever get mixed up in all this?

I have always
been interested in it.

But I thought, well,
isn't it dangerous?

What if you get caught?

Mike! Mike, wait a minute!

Hi, Jean.

Have you seen Tramp?

No, I haven't.

Is your dad home yet?

No.

Here, Tramp! Here, boy.

Here boy.

Come on.

Here, Tramp! Here, boy.

Here, boy. Come on!

Where were you
this afternoon, Bub?

Shopping.

Well, there was a
policeman at your house.

Yeah?

Mrs. Hotchkiss
probably complained

about the TV being too loud.

Have you seen Mike?

Nope.

Well, what did he say last
night when you talked to him?

Now, just don't ask so
many questions, Jean.

You'll find out soon enough.

Oh, Mike!

The heat's on, Jean.
Can't talk to you now.

I'm not trying to pry,

but did you know the police
were by this afternoon?

It's probably nothing,
but... The cops, huh?

They rounded up the whole mob.

Looks like we're
the only ones left.

The two of us...
against the law.

Things might get messy.

Get out while you can.

Mike!

Mike, please, I
have to talk to you!

Oh, hi, Jean! Sorry
I frightened you.

Did you think I was
gonna run you over?

Oh, Mr. Douglas,
I'm so glad it's you.

Glad to be home.

I was afraid you
were the police.

Boy, am I starved.

I didn't get a chance
to eat dinner...

Mr. Douglas, wait a minute!

I have something to tell you.

The police?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, Tim,
I gotta hand it to you.

Did you see the look on
Jean's face when you said,

"The two of us against the law"?

With an imagination like yours,

you ought to write
science fiction.

This has really been a
refreshing discovery to me, Mike.

I wonder why it never
showed up on my aptitude test.

Dad!

Hello, Mike.

Uh, hello, Mr. Douglas.

If you fellas are
trying to hide that,

and I gather you are, you're
not doing a very good job of it.

Uh, how was Denver, Dad?

Fine.

Oh, Mike, it's beautiful.
Where did you get it?

Well, actually, Tim and I...

The-the truth of the
matter is, Mr. Douglas,

the Pentagon has
commissioned us to assemble...

Tim!

Uh, Dad, can I talk
to you for a second?

Mike... Mike,
where did you get it?

Hi.

Oh, hello, Andy.
What brings you here?

Official business.

I sure never thought I'd fine
a delinquent in your family.

Oh, Mike...

It's no wonder with nobody home.

Came by this afternoon,
been calling all day.

If it hadn't been for me, he'd
have been locked up right now.

Oh, Officer, won't you please be
lenient? Now wait a minute, Jean.

Let's not jump to conclusions.
But it's his very first offense!

You tell Mrs. Barton that.

She's good and mad.

You ought to see the
tunnel he dug under her fence

trying to get into
her back yard.

Mike!

What are you looking at?

You know how particular she is

with that pedigreed
poodle of hers.

If this happens again,

Tramp's gonna
end up in the pound.

Tramp? Tramp?

Oh, for a minute
there, I thought...

I'm just too busy to act as a
dogcatcher, even for friends.

I'm sorry it happened, Andy.

But I will say it's a relief

to know that Mike doesn't
have to go to the pound.

I don't understand all this.

I don't either, Jeanie.

Mike, why don't you
straighten Jeanie out, hmm?

And you can
straighten me out later.

I'll put Tramp in the house

so he doesn't go
gallivanting again.

Pretty nice hi-fi.

Did you boys build it?

Yes, sir.

How many cycles in the woofer?

150 to 1,100 cycles.

Come on. In the house,
you delinquent you.

Come on, Andy, I'll
walk you back to your car.

Well, I'll see you kids later.

This your leash? Yeah, thanks.

I don't know what's
going on in there,

but I think we're
better out of it.

Well, what's this all about?

This was a mere
subterfuge, Jean, to cover up

a highly secret activity.

Tim...

You see, Mike and I, we're
pretty deeply involved...

Tim, thanks, buddy, but this
is no time for science fiction.

But what was all that
talk about a gang?

Well, I, I can't tell you, Jean.

Why can't you tell me?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Well, don't you trust me?

Why do you have to
be so darn curious?

Andy, we certainly appreciate
your keeping an eye on Tramp.

Well, you know how Mrs. Barton
and that white poodle of hers.

You're just going to
have to watch him closer.

Well, you've got my word for it.

We won't let him
out of our sight.

All right, all right!

If you just have to
know, it's a hi-fi set!

Tim and I built it!

It's a surprise... for
your darn birthday!

What?

Happy birthday.

We put in a genuine
Slade woofer.

Runs from 150 to 1,100 cycles.

Cycles... Slade
woofer... Woofer Slade...

That wild set from Ohmsville.

Michael Douglas, what a
terrible trick to play on me.

And I thought you'd grown up.

You and your, your childish
game-playing have ruined

stereophonic
sound for me forever!

Every time I hear "hi-fi,"

I'll remember what a
fool you made of me!

Good-bye!

Mike... May I have this dance?

Hi-fi sounds pretty good.
Yeah, nice rich tone.

Well, you better tell
'em to keep it down

or you'll have me back out here.

I'll do it, Andy.

We sure don't want Mrs.
Hotchkiss complaining again, do we?

No, we sure don't, Andy.

If you don't mind,

I think I'll put the
garage door down.

We don't want to
annoy the neighbors.

Thanks, Dad. And now
we can turn it up a little.

Yeah, but not too
loud. It's getting late.

Tramp! Tramp!

Mike!

Mr. O'Casey, would you

please turn your TV down?!

You're gonna get in
trouble with Mrs. Barton!

Tramp!

Tramp! Tramp, come back here!

Tramp, you come here!

You're gonna wake up
the whole neighborhood!

Hey, you guys, what's
going on out here?!

Shut that thing off!

You'll wake up the
whole neighborhood!