My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 1, Episode 20 - Other People's Houses - full transcript

Go on, I'll be right there.

Man, oh, man, you mean
you got this all to yourself?

Yeah.

Oh, I know I put it in here.

Your own telephone?

An extension.

Brother!

Imagine, having
privacy in your home.

Boy, Hank, you sure got it made.

She must have put it someplace.

Hey, what's this?



Your folks aren't sending you

to boarding school,
are they? No.

They're not sending me.

Boy!

No problem,
Hank, I-I'll help you.

What happened, Hank?

Nothing, Mom.

I was just looking
for my... Oh, Hank.

It's not hurt, Mom.

I-I'm sorry.

Uh, this is Robbie Douglas, Mom.

Hi, Mrs. Ferguson.

Douglas?

Do you live over on Mill Street?



Yes, ma'am.

Well, your next-door
neighbor Mrs. Pearson

is a very old friend of mine.

She talks about
you boys all the time.

Where's my baseball glove, Mom?

Well, it's on the
hook... I put up for it.

I didn't see it.

Well... Nice meeting
you, Mrs. Ferguson.

Come back again, Robbie.

I will.

Uh, don't forget,
dinner's at 6:00.

Will Dad be home?

Not till tomorrow. Okay.

Well, see you later, Mom.

See you later.

Well, you're home
early, ain't you?

What happened to the meeting?

Well, we needed
eight for a quorum,

and a quorum didn't show up,

so we gave the whole
thing up and came home.

Oh.

We do this once
every month, you know.

Well, Chip, what
are you doing there?

Making breakfast
rolls? For geography.

Oh. It's a relief map of the
North American continent.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those
raisins threw me a little.

They're the capitals.

Bub, what is that program
you've got on there?

That's Gilfoil's Amateur Hour.

How long has Robbie
been practicing?

Almost an hour.

It's a toss-up which goes
first, his lip or my eardrums.

Hey!

When are you going
to sound the all-clear?

Oh, I tell you.

Since that kid
took up the trumpet,

it's been like trying to study

in the middle of a cat fight.

Dad, when they
sold you that thing,

didn't they include a mute?

I've got to play loud

or else I... I can't hear myself

on account of the TV and...

Watch where you're going!

You almost smashed
the Allegheny.

Do this kid always
have to have something

laying around in
the living room?

You get sore at me if I
try and work in my room.

My room! Mine.

Easy, men.

One thing I do like about
your trumpet playing...

It's so peaceful when you stop.

A guy can't win.

I get bawled out
if I don't practice,

and I get bawled out when I do.

We want you to practice, Robbie.

Where?

How about the garage?

Yeah. That's about
the only spot left.

Boy, did I see a
neat place yesterday.

Hank Ferguson's house.

Oh. Is that George
Ferguson's son?

I guess so.

Those people know what
a house ought to be like.

What's so special about
this Ferguson place?

Well, there's... there's no
mixing bowls laying around

or... or moldy dough,

or flea-bitten dogs
in their living room.

And their place doesn't
look like a Chinese laundry.

And there's no
radio blasting around

when Hank has to practice.

He doesn't get shoved
into the dining room

when he's got
something important to do.

He's got a swell
room, all to himself.

And a phone, where he
can talk to someone in private

without having to
hide inside the closet.

Yeah? No kidding?
He's got his own phone?

Hank doesn't have any
brothers or sisters, does he?

Are you kidding?

You know, it made me feel
good just to go inside that house.

Hey, look out!

Everything's so nice and quiet.

Some guys just got it made.

If he likes Ferguson's
house so much,

why doesn't he move in?

Yeah. Then I'd have
a room of my own.

Well, Chipper, you'd
better go to bed, huh?

I didn't get the
Rockies very high.

Well, you can make them
higher tomorrow, okay?

Okay.

Oh, don't bother
to pick up that stuff.

I'll clean it up for you.

Take your map if you want.

I'll be up and hear
your prayers in a minute.

Good night. Come on,
Tramp! Come on, boy!

Well, now that the
animals are settling,

maybe I can get
some studying done.

Hmm. His own phone, huh?

Don't get any ideas.

You know, Bub, this
place does look a little

like it was just
declared a disaster area.

It's a living room, isn't it?

So we're living in it.

Yeah, I know, but
we get so used to it

that it starts
looking normal to us.

But then Robbie gets a look

at something like the
Ferguson house and...

Oh, he was just mad

on account of what we
said about his trumpet.

No, no. I don't think so.

He's got a point.

And a boy his age ought to
have a room of his own, too.

Did you? Well, no, but...

Well, neither did I.

I know, but, if it's possible,

a kid ought to have his
own room. You know that.

The natives are
restless tonight.

Hey, Dad, the bathroom
faucet's stuck again!

There's water all
over everything!

We're back.

Well, you two are home early.

Well, Hank said he was tired.

Some salesmen Dad
knew were at the restaurant.

I wanted him to stay and
talk, let me come on home.

Every other
Wednesday's our night out.

I'm with those guys all week.

Have a nice dinner?

Sure.

He always orders the same thing.

Can't get him to
try anything new.

Anything's okay.

I... I'm sorry.

Well, if you're tired, dear,

why don't you
just run up to bed?

I want to talk
about Graystoke's.

Can't that wait?

Well, I... I sort of wanted to
make the change at midterm.

Well, that's less
than a month away.

I don't know how you
got this idea in your head.

Well, you said yourself

the military discipline
would be good for me.

Graystoke's is so far away.

Well, it's a good school,
and the tuition's not too high.

I'll work summers
to help pay my way.

It's not the money.

Then can I go?

You'd be leaving
all your friends.

I haven't got many.

Are you in trouble at school?

No. No, I'm not in any trouble.

You're not... running away
from anything, are you?

I just want to go
to Graystoke's.

All right.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

You'll send in the enrollment
and admission fees right away?

Well... I'll see you
in the morning, huh?

Good night, Hank.

Night, Hank.

You know, I've been thinking

it might be good to have
Hank's friends over more often.

Perhaps to dinner or overnight.

Yeah.

Don't expect Hank to change
his mind about Graystoke's.

Here we are.

Thank you.

I don't know what it is,
but it sure looks pretty.

It's chocolate mousse.

No kidding. Moose?

Mmm!

I'll get it.

Hey, it's good!

Thank you, Robbie.

Boy, you'll never get
swell chow like this

at any boarding school.

It'll be okay.

That was Wilkinson.

He wants me to meet
him at Plainfield tomorrow.

Looks like another
weekend session.

But, George, I promised to spend
the weekend with Aunt Martha.

Poor Claire is so tied down.

I did think it would do
her good to get away.

I forgot about that.

I guess I'll just have
to call Wilkinson back.

I don't mind staying here alone.

Oh, no, dear. We
couldn't do that.

Why not? I'd be okay.

Hey, why don't you stay at
my house over the weekend?

That's nice of you, Robbie.

But we couldn't ask your
father to take care of Hank.

Oh, my dad won't
mind. He loves crowds.

Besides, it'll be nice

to have someone around
who agrees with me.

Mom, could I?

Boy, Hank. Wait till I tell Bub

I had a moose for dessert.

Bub, who took my
other shoe tree?

Just a minute!

Come on in.

Hello. We might as
well go up to my room.

Oh, Robbie, it's for you.

He just came in.

Hank Ferguson, my brother Mike.

This is my other brother, Chip.

Hi. Hi.

I'll be with you in a second.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Trish.

When's dinner gonna be ready?

It'll be ready when it's ready.

Jeepers, Bub,
nobody eats this late.

You eat early, late
and in-between times.

Hang on a second, Trish,
I-I can't hear you, okay.

Hold it, now. Beep, beep!

Hold it, Stirling Moss. Hey.

Now, just turn the
engine off. Hey.

Whose idea was it to use
my shoe tree as a doorstop?

Is that what that is?

Yes, that's what that is.

Oh, Bub, this is Hank Ferguson.

Hi. Where's Robbie?

He's on the phone.

We're, uh, planning on
slicking this place up soon.

Looks okay to me.

I don't suppose it looks
anything like your house.

Not at all.

Hank, did you meet everybody?

I-I think so.

Come on, then.

Go away, will you, Tramp?

- Come here, will you?
- Beep, beep!

I'll break one of your
heads if you don't behave.

Maybe I'll break both of them.

Now, pick this stuff up.

Uh, this'll be your bunk.

Swell.

Chip's stuff here.

Here are clean sheets
and pillow cases.

Thanks, Bub.

I keep telling you guys
to straighten this place up.

Hank, I hope you'll be able

to put up with us
for a night or two.

I just wish my
mother could see it.

You want to help me
change the sheets, Hank?

Sure.

I got to get my stuff.

Hey, come on, Chip!

Will you get out of here?

It's my room, too, you know!

Hey, Hank, what do you think...

Hey, Chip, you're not gonna

bring all this junk
into my room.

Oh, yes, I am.

Oh, no, you're not. Bub!

Hey, Bub, will you make him

clear out of here and
leave Hank and me alone?

Getting my stuff.

Not roller skates and that tent.

What is this?

You don't need this stuff.

Yes, I do.

And take that bale
of hay with you.

Hey, Bub, come on, tell this
kid that he can't bring this stuff.

Come on now, you fellas, get
out of here and leave Robbie alone.

He has a guest.
Okay, but will you

tell him to put this stuff in the
closet? Show a little respect.

Okay, okay. Help him
get this junk out of here.

Help him? I don't want this
stuff! I'll get the rest later!

It's a lazy man's load.
Let him out of here.

Come on, get out.

Here. All right.
Chip, you cannot...

I could make this house

look like something, too,

if I didn't have to double as
upstairs maid and bouncer.

Brother, what a guy's got
to put up with in this house.

Yeah.

Let's take this top spread off.

We just got to do
something about

that darn kid and
his rock collection!

You're wanted on
the phone, Hank.

He'll be here in just a
minute, Mrs. Ferguson.

You know, Saturday is
housecleaning day around here,

and Hank's been
giving us a hand.

Keeping house for four
other fellas is no picnic.

Here.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Hello?

Hank?

Well, how are you getting along?

Swell, Mom.

Well, Claire didn't

go away after all,
so I came home.

You could have
stayed here with me.

I don't have to come
home now, do I?

No, Hank, of course not.

Hey, somebody stole
the vacuum cleaner.

Good job. Where's
the vacuum cleaner?

Chip's using it, Bub.

What, out in the backyard?

Yeah, it's great for leaves.

I just wanted you to know
where you could reach me.

Okay, Mom.

Well, have a nice time.

Bye.

Here I come, Robbie.

Hey!

George?

Are you with us this morning?

I'm sorry.

I didn't sleep well last night.

I'll wake up pretty soon.

I was saying, your first
big problem will be Huston.

He just isn't
doing a job for us.

Hard to figure out, too.

He's smart, has
a fine background.

But he just can't
seem to reach people,

get his point across.

That happens.

Maybe you can help him.

If I ever knew a salesman

who could communicate
on every level, it's you.

Maybe... Huston
is... trying too hard.

You beat him, Hank!

Oh, right there!
You lost, Robbie!

He beat you buy a mile, Robbie!

You beat him! Right here!

You know, part of
Huston's trouble is

that he has nobody
but himself to think of.

You and I are lucky to have
wives and kids to work for.

Gives a man purpose, incentive.

Did you find it, George?

Oh, yes.

Are you ready?

Yeah. Roger.

On your mark, get set... go!

Oh, nice slide!

What's going on here?!

Oh, we're polishing
the floor, Bub.

You're what?!

Come on in and look at it.

I should say I will.

Come on, let me look.

Looks pretty good, doesn't it?

Not bad. Yeah.

Hey, the upstairs
hall is even better.

Come on, you guys. Oh, boy!

Yeah, let's go! Come on!

Hey, Robbie, can I try once?!

This is gonna be a blast!

Come on! CHIP: Yeah! Look out.

Hello.

Oh.

No, I'm sorry, you
have the wrong number.

That's all right.

Hey, Steve, you down here?

I'm right here, Bub.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm trying to
figure out if there isn't

some way we can, uh, build
a room down here for Robbie.

It's just so much waste space.

Oh. Well, good luck.

Hey, come on, you guys!

Give me that! Hey, guys! Hey!

Throw it to me!

Throw it to me!

Here! Here we go!

Handoff! Get out
of the way, Tramp!

Give me that! Hey, mine!

Go back!

Hey, come on, Mike, come on!

Hey, that's no fair!

Yes, it is! Here, Hank!

Hey! Want it?!

Hey!

Robbie, okay, get back!

Well, they seem to be

a little bit wilder than
usual this weekend.

Maybe I better
try some tear gas.

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Come on! All right, Chip!

I had it! Here!

Hey, you guys!

There it is, Robbie!

Dad!

I-I'm sorry.

All right, all right, you guys.

Uh, B-Bub, this...

What have you done,
turned loose an earthquake?

Bub, this is Hank's father.

Mr. Ferguson?

All right, I hope you guys
are proud of yourselves.

I really don't know what
to say, Mr. Ferguson.

Your Dad's right.

Steve's a good father.

What we need around
here is some organization

and a little more discipline!

You know, Steve tries.

He-he really tries.

I think it's about
time you fellas realize

that this is a home,
not a football field

or a circus ring.

You gripe the way
things look around here

and the noise and all that.

Raising three boys
is not easy, you know.

All right, then.

So right here and now, there's
gonna be some strict changes.

New rules.

And the first one is:

no keep away games inside.

And the second...
You're making a mistake.

Huh?

It's taken me only two
minutes in this house

to see that your
family's got something,

something worth keeping.

Why, you, you
enjoy living together,

sharing everything!

Don't spoil it, or you'll
end up sharing nothing,

except maybe a feeling of
relief when you get outside.

And pretty soon, you
won't even want to c...

I-I-I'm sorry.

I, I had no right to talk
that way to you, Mr...

O'Casey.

Well...

I, uh, I just dropped
by to, to make sure

that, uh, Hank was all right.

Laura.

I-I was next door...
visiting the Pearsons.

And since it was so close, I...

I wanted to see Hank.

So did I.

And now that I
have, I'm going home.

You're coming with me.

We have a lot of
house-wrecking to do

if we're ever going
to build a home.

Yes, George.

We'll see you tomorrow, Hank.

Sure, Dad.

Nice meeting you, Mr. O'Casey.

Thank you.

Well, I guess he
kind of told me off.

Yeah.

Boy, your dad's a
real neat guy, Hank.

He sure is.

You know... I've been thinking.

Maybe I'd be smarter
to wait till next fall

to start at Graystoke's.

Sure.

By then, you may not
even want to go at all.

Yeah.

Well, I'll just get the
place cleaned up.

Yeah, that's what we'll do.

We'll put his bathroom right
in here, where the plumbing is.

Shower here, washbasin there.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, no.

He'll have to go through
bathroom to get to his bedroom.

That's no good.

Robbie wants a private room,

and I get clobbered.

Who said I wanted
a private room?

You did, don't you remember?

Are you kidding?

Half-pint there

couldn't get along without me.

Who couldn't?

If I'd keep my
nose out of things,

I'd be a whole lot better off.

And from now on, that's
exactly what I think I'm gonna do.

I don't see how you stand him.

One night, and he's
already got my room

looking like a-a gravel pit.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Hey, Mike, that's no fair!

Get him, Tramp. Get
out of here, Tramp.

Get him. Get out of here.

It's funny what a
guy can get used to.

Landing here and a flight
of stairs down this way.

So, he comes down the stairs

and goes right into
his bedroom here.

Yes, that ought to
work out very well.

We spend the summers here
and go to Florida for the winter.

Because we got no furnace.

Ooh!