My Three Sons (1960–1972): Season 1, Episode 19 - Organization Woman - full transcript
Steve's sister, an efficiency expert, pays a visit and within a few days transforms total chaos into a smooth, efficient household.
Come in, Frank.
Harriet, you almost ready to go?
Right on time. That's my boy.
I'll just be a moment.
Sorry, dear.
Got a little behind
schedule, but...
Harriet...
I know how you
hate to wait. Yeah.
Wasted time is time
never to be regained.
Harriet... Right? Right!
Rule number one:
Never keep an
efficiency expert waiting.
Is that what you
were going to say?
Harriet! Got my ticket?
Your seat reservation's all set.
Uh, you'll have to
confirm reservation,
though, on the return trip
eight hours before
time of departure.
Well I'll just get my purse
and gloves, and we're off.
Harriet.
Every day in every way,
I'm growing more
and more efficient.
Let's go.
Frank? Frank?
Frank? The bags.
Ready to say good-bye.
I haven't even had a
chance to say hello.
Please, darling,
I hope we're not going
to have another quarrel.
I know how you hate
my disorganization,
but I'm trying, Frank,
I really am trying.
Harriet, you're not
listening to me again.
Well, I am too listening.
What did you say?
I said I wanted to kiss you.
Oh, is that what you said?
I wanted to kiss you hello
before I had to
kiss you good-bye.
Oh, Frank, I'm sorry.
It's just been so long
since I've seen Steve
and Mike and Robbie
and... and Chip.
I bet he's grown so.
Harriet, look, I don't mean
to compete on the same level
with your brother
and nephews, but...
Oh, Frank.
And Bub, dear old Bub.
Boy, it's nice to
see Aunt Harriet.
She sure picked
a fine time to visit,
all this virus
running around town.
What do you mean
running around town?
That virus has
settled right down here
at 837 Mill Street.
And that's not any
newfangled virus.
It's just a common,
ordinary, old-fashioned,
everyday, blow-your-nose cold.
And I got it good.
Oh, Robbie, I got all
my junk out of the way.
You can bring your Aunt
Harriet's stuff in here now.
Is Aunt Harriet a
real kind of aunt
or a babysitter kind of aunt?
What you talkin' about, Chip?
She's Dad's sister,
you know that.
Yeah.
Hey, will you quit shoving?
Come on, Robbie!
Robbie, don't keep
pullin' and tugging.
I gotta get in here.
Gangway, I got my hands full.
Robbie, come on now, back up.
Let me have that shoe.
Ow! Get off me!
He's standing on my head!
Come on, Robbie, let
me have some room.
Don't try to... Will
you just let go of it!
That's the funniest thing
I've seen since my boss
got his tie caught in the
mimeograph machine.
Thanks.
I used to be great at
untangling kite strings.
I, I can't hold it.
Hey!
Hold it, fellas. Stand still.
Doggone it, Harriet, we
should have had all this done
before you got here.
Oh, don't be silly.
I wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
You've got lots
to look forward to.
Nothing but bottlenecks
and traffic jams
24 hours a day around here.
I just wish Frank could see it.
What a challenge for
an efficiency expert.
Who's Frank?
Too darn bad Steve had to
be out of town for half your visit.
Oh, well, we'll have
a week together.
Who's Frank?
Frank's the one that keeps on
"gonna be our uncle"
one of these days.
Very nicely put, Robbie.
Well, there you
are. All unsnarled.
Thank you, Harriet.
What we need around
here is a little organization.
What we need around
here is a lot of organization.
As Frank would say, it's a
challenge, a real challenge.
I warned you!
Now I'm gonna
blast you out of there!
For heaven's sake!
Please! Now knock it off!
I'm not gonna knock it
off till you get out of there!
I'll get out of here when I'm
darn good and ready and I...
Well, I'm not gonna go...
Now go downstairs and wait!
Boys, look, you don't
have to talk that loud.
Fellas, now come
on. Please be quiet.
You always put my
towel on the wet floor.
You're not making sense.
Hey!
You boys want waffles
for breakfast or not?
Waffles? Mm-hmm.
Boy, I'll say.
With sausage or ham?
Or both if you want it.
Well, it sounds great.
Waffles?
If you'll all pitch in
and help me work out
a little surprise
for your father.
Well, what kind of a surprise?
Well, when your
father comes home,
I'd like him to walk into
an organized household
where everything
functions efficiently.
I don't get it.
She means surprise
Dad by knocking off
all the stupid arguments
we're always having.
Stupid? Look who's
talking. You should talk.
I mean, you're always
hogging this bathroom.
Look, how can you
have an organized house
when this kid keeps yelling?
Gee, you're at it again.
Kid! Who you calling
kid, knucklehead?
I'm calling you a kid.
You get in this
bathroom, you make a...
Why, see? That's
just what I mean.
Everybody's going
in different directions.
Now what we all
have to do is get going
in the same direction.
But as Frank says,
the boat won't move
unless everyone
pulls his own weight.
How 'bout it? Well, okay.
I'm willing to try
if you can stuff it
into his head. Fine.
I'll work out a plan
of organization tonight
and go over it with you
during waffles in the morning.
Yeah, well, how am I...?
And now for our first
step towards efficiency,
Robbie, you use my
bathroom downstairs. Good.
And Mike, you hurry up so
Chip can brush his teeth. Okay.
When your father gets home,
I'll have this house
so organized,
he won't recognize it.
Can we have some pancakes
with some blueberry syrup with it?
Now don't worry.
It's really very simple.
Of course, for the
first couple of days,
we can expect
a little confusion,
but by the end of the
week, we should be able
to give your father a real
surprise for his homecoming.
Well, waffles in the
dining room, huh?
Kinda fancy.
Kitchen's for cooking,
dining room for eating.
Now these are your
individual activity charts.
The abbreviations
on the obverse side
can be decoded by means
of the key on the reverse side.
Whoosh!
I'm about ready for
another waffle, Harriet.
Coming right up.
Hey... Jeepers, Aunt Harriet.
Here at 7:30, I've
got A, B and C.
I can't read it. What's it mean?
And Chip's only got BT.
And here down at 3:00,
I have S, P, and BP.
And Chip only has LS. How come?
You don't even know what
you're complaining about.
Turn it over and read it.
Oh! BK, "breakfast," I,
"ironing," L, "laundry."
Wow! Look at all the
stuff that Bub has to do.
Brother! Between 8:30 and 9:30,
he's got a WD, DD, and P,
D, A, CK and L and CSP. Wow!
Better look out, Harriet,
you're gonna spoil me.
I'm liable to get used
to this getting up late
and having
breakfast fixed for me.
GU means "get up."
I get up at... 7:15.
Right. You're
catching on quickly.
Now, let's have a
little quiz to make sure
we understand this much
before I give you the rest.
Harriet, these are the
best waffles I've ever eaten.
Thank you.
Now, ready, everybody?
7:45. What about you, Bub?
No, thanks, I couldn't
eat another bite.
These are good, I tell you.
No, we're going
to have a dry run.
Pick up your individual
chart with the key on the back.
My what?
Here, this is yours, Bub.
Just read across.
Oh, uh... Now, 7:45. Chip?
BT. Brush teeth.
Right.
Robbie?
MB. Make bed.
Good. Mike?
DR. Dress.
Uh-huh. And, Bub?
Bub?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, SBKT and L.
Sounds like some
Eastern railroad.
Now, check your key.
What?
Well, here, Bub,
it's on the back.
See? At 7:45, you SBKT and L.
Serve breakfast to Tramp
and then do the laundry.
Serve breakfast to Tramp?
Heh! Let him get
his own breakfast.
Yes. Now, you will notice
that I staggered the use
of the bathroom
and the telephone
and scheduled
separate breakfasts.
I think that will eliminate
some of the major bottlenecks.
That way, Bub, you can get
CTWD, DD, PDA, CK and L, and CSP
out of the way so you can
KK and GL at 10:00. Clear?
Everyone all straight?
GU... get up.
WFS... wash face and shave, huh?
Now, these two floor
plans of the house
indicate to me an
ideal traffic pattern.
The downstairs is
the little complex.
But with the
exception of the flow
from the living
room to the kitchen
and from the front
door to the living room,
all traffic bears to the right.
Simple?
Looks like a bunch of
ocean currents to me.
Yeah. The upstairs looks
like the Japanese currents,
and, uh, and the downstairs
like the Gulf Stream.
Hey, Harriet, you
got me getting up
and washing my face
before the chart even starts.
Well, actually, you don't have to do
these things above the line when it says.
Anytime between 5:00 and 6:00 is
all right, or even earlier, if you wish.
Oh.
Now, upstairs you will note
that all traffic
bears to the right.
Regarding the downstairs,
you would do well
to study the use of the doors.
What's that?
Time to LV... sorry,
you'll have to MV
and CU and BT as best
you can this morning.
Come on, let's go. Hurry, now.
Oh, no, don't take your plates.
I'll take care of that.
Not that way.
I'll put up some signs
later, it'll explain why not.
Okay. Hurry, now, let's
go... can't be late, you know.
You have to hurry to
be on time to school.
And if you study your
charts during the day,
I'm sure we'll be on schedule
by this afternoon. Bye.
Hurry, now.
Oh, Harriet. This
simple apparatus
will keep us on schedule
to start with. Harriet.
Of course, these audio
stimuli will be obsolete
as soon as we start
responding kinesthetically.
Harriet, I can see
where I GU and WFS
between 5:00 and 6:00,
but where do I BUB?
What?
BUB?
Well, that's your name.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, let's hurry and CT and WD
so we can DD and TDA at 8:45.
BUB.
I'm so fouled up, I don't
even know my own name.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry I overslept.
I don't know what's the matter
with that darn alarm clock.
Well, I know why
mine didn't ring.
I forgot to set it.
And another thing,
I don't know how I'm gonna L,
FL, and ST all at the same time.
I'll L.
Fine thing, five days we
operate with clockwork precision.
And here on the day
Steve is coming back...
What's the matter with
you, Tramp, can't you read.
Get down. I'll feed you next.
Hey, kids, we LV in 25 minutes.
Chip, BK right now.
I'm the one who
gummed up the works.
And after I spent 20 minutes
on the phone last night
bragging to him about
the big surprise we have.
Oh, that's all right.
He probably won't
show up till after lunch.
And by that time, we'll
have everything in shipshape.
Don't worry.
Late. Right.
Hurry. How long? Five.
Robbie, BR and MB,
so you can BK in five.
They're up to
their little surprises.
That's it.
Hurry.
Robbie!
My gosh, Dad's home
already. Jeepers, Dad, it's you.
Oh, hi, fellas.
You're early.
Yeah. Well I, uh,
thought I'd surprise you.
Say, what are those
signs? We're late.
Well, that's normal.
Oh, I gotta BR and CT.
He's got to what?
Yeah, and I gotta BK
so I can BT and LV in 15.
You what?
Okay, BTR.
Hey, Mike, get
going, DRMB and CU
so you can... Bub,
what's going on?
Oh my gosh!
Harriet, don't go in the dining room,
Steve's here. You haven't done BKD yet.
Robbie, you know better
than to use this door.
Get out of the way!
Robbie, for heaven's sake.
Hi, Harriet.
No, oh, no.
What are you doing here?
You weren't supposed
to be here till after lunch.
What's this thing here?
Are you still here?
Get going. Hi, Mike.
Dad.
Hurry. SBKM.
How come you're home?
Well I thought I'd
surprise you all, but...
Hurry, Mike.
But you knew we were
trying to surprise you.
Gangway, coming through BKM.
I, I know, Harriet.
Well just sit down, Steve.
We'll try to fit you
in somewhere.
You forgot to CU the BR again.
I did not, that's Chip's mess.
Okay. Time to LV.
Oh no, come on, boys, hurry up.
Time to leave. Time to leave.
Come on team, come on Chip.
You can eat it on the
way, don't worry about it.
Hurry up, Robbie.
Not that way,
Robbie, you can read.
I forgot, Harriet.
Here are your books.
Snap to.
Come on, Mike, you
don't need to do that.
Here are your books. Where
are my books, my jacket...
Will you shut it off?
There we go, Robbie.
Hurry up you guys,
I'm late with my WD.
Steve, will you
please shut it...
Oh, the phone.
Answer the BT, Tub. What?
I mean, Bub.
That's a boy, come on.
Hello.
There you are. Yeah.
Hurry up you, three,
four, get out of here.
Time to LV.
Chip, come on. Bye, Dad.
See you later. Bye.
So long, Dad. Hello, hello.
Harriet... Hello.
Hmm?
Oh. I'm Steve
Douglas, your brother.
I used to live here.
Now wait a minute, Steve,
I haven't had my coffee yet.
Harriet, will you tell me
what's going on around here?
What's all this?
That, dear brother, was
going to be your surprise.
This floor plan.
Do you mean we have a
traffic pattern in the house?
That's why I couldn't
come in the back door?
You can only go
out the back door?
So this is the reason for all
that WPA ICB MF CC talk.
Harriet, what are you
trying to do around here?
I had it all done
till you showed up.
Now look, Harriet... No
bottlenecks, no traffic jams.
Maybe according
to your standards,
we, according to your standards...
No fights over the bathroom...
we haven't operated too
efficient around here, but...
Frank says our only hope
in this world is efficiency.
I was lucky enough
to get off of this,
off of this Baltimore
project early...
We have to schedule
our time, he says.
Sooner than I thought... I get your
house running like a well-oiled machine...
I come here to surprise
you and what do I get?
When a big 6 foot 2 monkey
wrench like Steve Douglas...
I walk in the front door and
nobody looks like I ever entered.
Frank says efficiency
is our only answer.
Nonsensical lingo.
Frank says, if we
don't get efficiency,
then we're all
gonna go to the dogs.
Frank says? Franks says, that's
all he's been doing for six years.
If you're both such
efficiency experts,
why don't you schedule
a time to get married?
I'm sorry, Harriet.
Well, we better CT and WD
so we can KK and GL at 10:00.
Well, Steve... Oh...
Where are you
going? I may be back...
if my sister can fit
me into her schedule!
Hey! You can't go out that door.
Oh, yeah?
My gosh, he did.
Bub! It's 5:00.
Time to S and DC,
so we can FD in 30.
Let's see, Chip's
OD, and Robbie, um...
Isn't he scheduled home now?
Well, that's funny.
I wonder what
happened to my chart.
Did you see Steve?
Steve?
Yeah, the wagon's
in the driveway.
I thought he'd be down here.
Bub... did you do
anything with my charts?
No, I didn't.
Where are they?
Well, I'm not sure,
but I'm afraid I have
a pretty good idea.
Oh, Harriet, I've
just been trying
to work out my schedule here.
Now, uh, Chip is in
the bathroom at 7:30,
but after he's out of
there, it's clear, isn't it?
So I could BT at 7:40
while, uh, Chip is BK'ing
and Mike is, uh, DR'ing
and Robbie's MB'ing, hmm?
Steve... I'm getting on to this.
I could get up at, say, 7:00...
No, but then I'd have a
BK problem, wouldn't I?
I mean, I'd have to
eat breakfast with Bub,
and that's no good, is it?
I mean, it's, uh,
it's more efficient
if we all eat our meals alone.
Yeah. Well, here, here at 7:45,
this would be all right,
wouldn't it, Harriet, now,
if I had, uh, BK with TR?
I mean, uh,
breakfast with Tramp.
Yeah, th-that's how I'll do it.
So we'll say, uh... BT at 7:40,
and then, of course,
I'll have to rush...
and have breakfast
with Tramp at 7:45.
Wait a minute. Hmm?
I know what'll fix it.
Hey, wait a minute!
Harriet!
Hand me the downstairs
traffic pattern, please.
What are you doing?
I'm doing what I should
have done a long time ago,
about six years, to be exact.
Robbie? ROB: Got to hurry!
Come here a minute. I'm late!
No, you're not. Come here.
Hey, you're going the wrong way!
Hey, what's the deal?
Well, it looks like
we're going back
to our old two-way traffic.
Look out, will you?
You're messing up the schedule!
Another thing Frank says...
Schedules work for you,
Ooh! Not you for them!
Sorry. Harriet, you're
going the wrong way.
I've been going the wrong way
for quite a while.
Oh!
Sorry, Aunt Harriet, but
you're going the wrong way.
No, Chip. I'm going
the right way, finally.
By the way, this
is Steve Douglas.
He's your father.
Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
I'll try and fit you in...
Jeepers, what happened to the
charts? Who ruined our schedule?
I did... before it ruins you.
Are you kidding?
I've had a hot shower
five days in a row.
Yeah, and I finally got
the telephone all to myself.
Nobody horned in
on my TV all week.
Oh, it was a darned
efficient plan, all right.
Everybody got to school on time,
and nobody ran out of hot water.
No hassles over the
telephone or the TV.
In five days, it got rid of
every disorganized thing
about this house, including
all that inefficient smiling
and laughing and...
saying of good mornings
and welcoming of fathers
when they come home.
Jeepers, what does that mean?
That means that I resign
as the Douglas
efficiency expert.
As of now, I stop teaching you
how to operate like machines,
and you can start teaching
me how to behave like a human.
And now, Steve,
if you'll take care
of the upstairs traffic pattern,
I have a phone call to make.
Sure, I'd be happy to.
Well, looks like we won't
be needing these anymore.
I guess I'll never get
another hot shower
for the rest of my life.
And I just got it learned.
Why don't you fellas
take these things
and throw them out in the
incinerator and burn them up, huh?
Well, I'm not
gonna burn mine up.
Now that Harriet's got my
housecleaning organized,
I'm gonna stick to it...
those parts I like.
Hello, Frank?
Look, dear... Oh,
no, you don't, Harriet!
I'll do the talking this time,
and you can just
sit there and listen!
What's that?
I didn't say anything.
Oh.
Harriet... I'm glad you called,
because I was just
about to call you.
You know, Harriet,
this is the first time
in the six years
of our engagement
that we've been separated,
and I've been doing a
lot of thinking about us.
Well, Frank, that's...
I know, Harriet,
you think I'm perfect.
Well, I'm not.
You think my office is
such a model of efficiency.
Well, it isn't!
You-you should
look inside my desk.
Paper clips, Harriet,
mixed up with rubber bands,
and-and letters, three
weeks unanswered.
All right, now.
Well, Frank...
My living as an
efficiency expert.
But the glove compartment
of my car is a regular rat's nest!
Boys, try to... try to
keep it a little quiet.
Harriet's talking on
the phone, you know.
I'll get you!
You know, Steve, I'm glad
you could drop in. Thanks, Bub.
And I've been trying to
behave like I thought you...
Chip and Robbie.
Chip.
Get off the furniture, Tramp.
I'm not an automatic train!
I don't want to
marry a-a computer!
All right, boys.
I want to raise children,
not adding machines!
We're just a couple of
time-saving machines
who've been
wasting a lot of time!
It's nice to be back
to the good old
planned disorganization.
♪ ♪
Harriet, you almost ready to go?
Right on time. That's my boy.
I'll just be a moment.
Sorry, dear.
Got a little behind
schedule, but...
Harriet...
I know how you
hate to wait. Yeah.
Wasted time is time
never to be regained.
Harriet... Right? Right!
Rule number one:
Never keep an
efficiency expert waiting.
Is that what you
were going to say?
Harriet! Got my ticket?
Your seat reservation's all set.
Uh, you'll have to
confirm reservation,
though, on the return trip
eight hours before
time of departure.
Well I'll just get my purse
and gloves, and we're off.
Harriet.
Every day in every way,
I'm growing more
and more efficient.
Let's go.
Frank? Frank?
Frank? The bags.
Ready to say good-bye.
I haven't even had a
chance to say hello.
Please, darling,
I hope we're not going
to have another quarrel.
I know how you hate
my disorganization,
but I'm trying, Frank,
I really am trying.
Harriet, you're not
listening to me again.
Well, I am too listening.
What did you say?
I said I wanted to kiss you.
Oh, is that what you said?
I wanted to kiss you hello
before I had to
kiss you good-bye.
Oh, Frank, I'm sorry.
It's just been so long
since I've seen Steve
and Mike and Robbie
and... and Chip.
I bet he's grown so.
Harriet, look, I don't mean
to compete on the same level
with your brother
and nephews, but...
Oh, Frank.
And Bub, dear old Bub.
Boy, it's nice to
see Aunt Harriet.
She sure picked
a fine time to visit,
all this virus
running around town.
What do you mean
running around town?
That virus has
settled right down here
at 837 Mill Street.
And that's not any
newfangled virus.
It's just a common,
ordinary, old-fashioned,
everyday, blow-your-nose cold.
And I got it good.
Oh, Robbie, I got all
my junk out of the way.
You can bring your Aunt
Harriet's stuff in here now.
Is Aunt Harriet a
real kind of aunt
or a babysitter kind of aunt?
What you talkin' about, Chip?
She's Dad's sister,
you know that.
Yeah.
Hey, will you quit shoving?
Come on, Robbie!
Robbie, don't keep
pullin' and tugging.
I gotta get in here.
Gangway, I got my hands full.
Robbie, come on now, back up.
Let me have that shoe.
Ow! Get off me!
He's standing on my head!
Come on, Robbie, let
me have some room.
Don't try to... Will
you just let go of it!
That's the funniest thing
I've seen since my boss
got his tie caught in the
mimeograph machine.
Thanks.
I used to be great at
untangling kite strings.
I, I can't hold it.
Hey!
Hold it, fellas. Stand still.
Doggone it, Harriet, we
should have had all this done
before you got here.
Oh, don't be silly.
I wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
You've got lots
to look forward to.
Nothing but bottlenecks
and traffic jams
24 hours a day around here.
I just wish Frank could see it.
What a challenge for
an efficiency expert.
Who's Frank?
Too darn bad Steve had to
be out of town for half your visit.
Oh, well, we'll have
a week together.
Who's Frank?
Frank's the one that keeps on
"gonna be our uncle"
one of these days.
Very nicely put, Robbie.
Well, there you
are. All unsnarled.
Thank you, Harriet.
What we need around
here is a little organization.
What we need around
here is a lot of organization.
As Frank would say, it's a
challenge, a real challenge.
I warned you!
Now I'm gonna
blast you out of there!
For heaven's sake!
Please! Now knock it off!
I'm not gonna knock it
off till you get out of there!
I'll get out of here when I'm
darn good and ready and I...
Well, I'm not gonna go...
Now go downstairs and wait!
Boys, look, you don't
have to talk that loud.
Fellas, now come
on. Please be quiet.
You always put my
towel on the wet floor.
You're not making sense.
Hey!
You boys want waffles
for breakfast or not?
Waffles? Mm-hmm.
Boy, I'll say.
With sausage or ham?
Or both if you want it.
Well, it sounds great.
Waffles?
If you'll all pitch in
and help me work out
a little surprise
for your father.
Well, what kind of a surprise?
Well, when your
father comes home,
I'd like him to walk into
an organized household
where everything
functions efficiently.
I don't get it.
She means surprise
Dad by knocking off
all the stupid arguments
we're always having.
Stupid? Look who's
talking. You should talk.
I mean, you're always
hogging this bathroom.
Look, how can you
have an organized house
when this kid keeps yelling?
Gee, you're at it again.
Kid! Who you calling
kid, knucklehead?
I'm calling you a kid.
You get in this
bathroom, you make a...
Why, see? That's
just what I mean.
Everybody's going
in different directions.
Now what we all
have to do is get going
in the same direction.
But as Frank says,
the boat won't move
unless everyone
pulls his own weight.
How 'bout it? Well, okay.
I'm willing to try
if you can stuff it
into his head. Fine.
I'll work out a plan
of organization tonight
and go over it with you
during waffles in the morning.
Yeah, well, how am I...?
And now for our first
step towards efficiency,
Robbie, you use my
bathroom downstairs. Good.
And Mike, you hurry up so
Chip can brush his teeth. Okay.
When your father gets home,
I'll have this house
so organized,
he won't recognize it.
Can we have some pancakes
with some blueberry syrup with it?
Now don't worry.
It's really very simple.
Of course, for the
first couple of days,
we can expect
a little confusion,
but by the end of the
week, we should be able
to give your father a real
surprise for his homecoming.
Well, waffles in the
dining room, huh?
Kinda fancy.
Kitchen's for cooking,
dining room for eating.
Now these are your
individual activity charts.
The abbreviations
on the obverse side
can be decoded by means
of the key on the reverse side.
Whoosh!
I'm about ready for
another waffle, Harriet.
Coming right up.
Hey... Jeepers, Aunt Harriet.
Here at 7:30, I've
got A, B and C.
I can't read it. What's it mean?
And Chip's only got BT.
And here down at 3:00,
I have S, P, and BP.
And Chip only has LS. How come?
You don't even know what
you're complaining about.
Turn it over and read it.
Oh! BK, "breakfast," I,
"ironing," L, "laundry."
Wow! Look at all the
stuff that Bub has to do.
Brother! Between 8:30 and 9:30,
he's got a WD, DD, and P,
D, A, CK and L and CSP. Wow!
Better look out, Harriet,
you're gonna spoil me.
I'm liable to get used
to this getting up late
and having
breakfast fixed for me.
GU means "get up."
I get up at... 7:15.
Right. You're
catching on quickly.
Now, let's have a
little quiz to make sure
we understand this much
before I give you the rest.
Harriet, these are the
best waffles I've ever eaten.
Thank you.
Now, ready, everybody?
7:45. What about you, Bub?
No, thanks, I couldn't
eat another bite.
These are good, I tell you.
No, we're going
to have a dry run.
Pick up your individual
chart with the key on the back.
My what?
Here, this is yours, Bub.
Just read across.
Oh, uh... Now, 7:45. Chip?
BT. Brush teeth.
Right.
Robbie?
MB. Make bed.
Good. Mike?
DR. Dress.
Uh-huh. And, Bub?
Bub?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, SBKT and L.
Sounds like some
Eastern railroad.
Now, check your key.
What?
Well, here, Bub,
it's on the back.
See? At 7:45, you SBKT and L.
Serve breakfast to Tramp
and then do the laundry.
Serve breakfast to Tramp?
Heh! Let him get
his own breakfast.
Yes. Now, you will notice
that I staggered the use
of the bathroom
and the telephone
and scheduled
separate breakfasts.
I think that will eliminate
some of the major bottlenecks.
That way, Bub, you can get
CTWD, DD, PDA, CK and L, and CSP
out of the way so you can
KK and GL at 10:00. Clear?
Everyone all straight?
GU... get up.
WFS... wash face and shave, huh?
Now, these two floor
plans of the house
indicate to me an
ideal traffic pattern.
The downstairs is
the little complex.
But with the
exception of the flow
from the living
room to the kitchen
and from the front
door to the living room,
all traffic bears to the right.
Simple?
Looks like a bunch of
ocean currents to me.
Yeah. The upstairs looks
like the Japanese currents,
and, uh, and the downstairs
like the Gulf Stream.
Hey, Harriet, you
got me getting up
and washing my face
before the chart even starts.
Well, actually, you don't have to do
these things above the line when it says.
Anytime between 5:00 and 6:00 is
all right, or even earlier, if you wish.
Oh.
Now, upstairs you will note
that all traffic
bears to the right.
Regarding the downstairs,
you would do well
to study the use of the doors.
What's that?
Time to LV... sorry,
you'll have to MV
and CU and BT as best
you can this morning.
Come on, let's go. Hurry, now.
Oh, no, don't take your plates.
I'll take care of that.
Not that way.
I'll put up some signs
later, it'll explain why not.
Okay. Hurry, now, let's
go... can't be late, you know.
You have to hurry to
be on time to school.
And if you study your
charts during the day,
I'm sure we'll be on schedule
by this afternoon. Bye.
Hurry, now.
Oh, Harriet. This
simple apparatus
will keep us on schedule
to start with. Harriet.
Of course, these audio
stimuli will be obsolete
as soon as we start
responding kinesthetically.
Harriet, I can see
where I GU and WFS
between 5:00 and 6:00,
but where do I BUB?
What?
BUB?
Well, that's your name.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, let's hurry and CT and WD
so we can DD and TDA at 8:45.
BUB.
I'm so fouled up, I don't
even know my own name.
♪ ♪
I'm sorry I overslept.
I don't know what's the matter
with that darn alarm clock.
Well, I know why
mine didn't ring.
I forgot to set it.
And another thing,
I don't know how I'm gonna L,
FL, and ST all at the same time.
I'll L.
Fine thing, five days we
operate with clockwork precision.
And here on the day
Steve is coming back...
What's the matter with
you, Tramp, can't you read.
Get down. I'll feed you next.
Hey, kids, we LV in 25 minutes.
Chip, BK right now.
I'm the one who
gummed up the works.
And after I spent 20 minutes
on the phone last night
bragging to him about
the big surprise we have.
Oh, that's all right.
He probably won't
show up till after lunch.
And by that time, we'll
have everything in shipshape.
Don't worry.
Late. Right.
Hurry. How long? Five.
Robbie, BR and MB,
so you can BK in five.
They're up to
their little surprises.
That's it.
Hurry.
Robbie!
My gosh, Dad's home
already. Jeepers, Dad, it's you.
Oh, hi, fellas.
You're early.
Yeah. Well I, uh,
thought I'd surprise you.
Say, what are those
signs? We're late.
Well, that's normal.
Oh, I gotta BR and CT.
He's got to what?
Yeah, and I gotta BK
so I can BT and LV in 15.
You what?
Okay, BTR.
Hey, Mike, get
going, DRMB and CU
so you can... Bub,
what's going on?
Oh my gosh!
Harriet, don't go in the dining room,
Steve's here. You haven't done BKD yet.
Robbie, you know better
than to use this door.
Get out of the way!
Robbie, for heaven's sake.
Hi, Harriet.
No, oh, no.
What are you doing here?
You weren't supposed
to be here till after lunch.
What's this thing here?
Are you still here?
Get going. Hi, Mike.
Dad.
Hurry. SBKM.
How come you're home?
Well I thought I'd
surprise you all, but...
Hurry, Mike.
But you knew we were
trying to surprise you.
Gangway, coming through BKM.
I, I know, Harriet.
Well just sit down, Steve.
We'll try to fit you
in somewhere.
You forgot to CU the BR again.
I did not, that's Chip's mess.
Okay. Time to LV.
Oh no, come on, boys, hurry up.
Time to leave. Time to leave.
Come on team, come on Chip.
You can eat it on the
way, don't worry about it.
Hurry up, Robbie.
Not that way,
Robbie, you can read.
I forgot, Harriet.
Here are your books.
Snap to.
Come on, Mike, you
don't need to do that.
Here are your books. Where
are my books, my jacket...
Will you shut it off?
There we go, Robbie.
Hurry up you guys,
I'm late with my WD.
Steve, will you
please shut it...
Oh, the phone.
Answer the BT, Tub. What?
I mean, Bub.
That's a boy, come on.
Hello.
There you are. Yeah.
Hurry up you, three,
four, get out of here.
Time to LV.
Chip, come on. Bye, Dad.
See you later. Bye.
So long, Dad. Hello, hello.
Harriet... Hello.
Hmm?
Oh. I'm Steve
Douglas, your brother.
I used to live here.
Now wait a minute, Steve,
I haven't had my coffee yet.
Harriet, will you tell me
what's going on around here?
What's all this?
That, dear brother, was
going to be your surprise.
This floor plan.
Do you mean we have a
traffic pattern in the house?
That's why I couldn't
come in the back door?
You can only go
out the back door?
So this is the reason for all
that WPA ICB MF CC talk.
Harriet, what are you
trying to do around here?
I had it all done
till you showed up.
Now look, Harriet... No
bottlenecks, no traffic jams.
Maybe according
to your standards,
we, according to your standards...
No fights over the bathroom...
we haven't operated too
efficient around here, but...
Frank says our only hope
in this world is efficiency.
I was lucky enough
to get off of this,
off of this Baltimore
project early...
We have to schedule
our time, he says.
Sooner than I thought... I get your
house running like a well-oiled machine...
I come here to surprise
you and what do I get?
When a big 6 foot 2 monkey
wrench like Steve Douglas...
I walk in the front door and
nobody looks like I ever entered.
Frank says efficiency
is our only answer.
Nonsensical lingo.
Frank says, if we
don't get efficiency,
then we're all
gonna go to the dogs.
Frank says? Franks says, that's
all he's been doing for six years.
If you're both such
efficiency experts,
why don't you schedule
a time to get married?
I'm sorry, Harriet.
Well, we better CT and WD
so we can KK and GL at 10:00.
Well, Steve... Oh...
Where are you
going? I may be back...
if my sister can fit
me into her schedule!
Hey! You can't go out that door.
Oh, yeah?
My gosh, he did.
Bub! It's 5:00.
Time to S and DC,
so we can FD in 30.
Let's see, Chip's
OD, and Robbie, um...
Isn't he scheduled home now?
Well, that's funny.
I wonder what
happened to my chart.
Did you see Steve?
Steve?
Yeah, the wagon's
in the driveway.
I thought he'd be down here.
Bub... did you do
anything with my charts?
No, I didn't.
Where are they?
Well, I'm not sure,
but I'm afraid I have
a pretty good idea.
Oh, Harriet, I've
just been trying
to work out my schedule here.
Now, uh, Chip is in
the bathroom at 7:30,
but after he's out of
there, it's clear, isn't it?
So I could BT at 7:40
while, uh, Chip is BK'ing
and Mike is, uh, DR'ing
and Robbie's MB'ing, hmm?
Steve... I'm getting on to this.
I could get up at, say, 7:00...
No, but then I'd have a
BK problem, wouldn't I?
I mean, I'd have to
eat breakfast with Bub,
and that's no good, is it?
I mean, it's, uh,
it's more efficient
if we all eat our meals alone.
Yeah. Well, here, here at 7:45,
this would be all right,
wouldn't it, Harriet, now,
if I had, uh, BK with TR?
I mean, uh,
breakfast with Tramp.
Yeah, th-that's how I'll do it.
So we'll say, uh... BT at 7:40,
and then, of course,
I'll have to rush...
and have breakfast
with Tramp at 7:45.
Wait a minute. Hmm?
I know what'll fix it.
Hey, wait a minute!
Harriet!
Hand me the downstairs
traffic pattern, please.
What are you doing?
I'm doing what I should
have done a long time ago,
about six years, to be exact.
Robbie? ROB: Got to hurry!
Come here a minute. I'm late!
No, you're not. Come here.
Hey, you're going the wrong way!
Hey, what's the deal?
Well, it looks like
we're going back
to our old two-way traffic.
Look out, will you?
You're messing up the schedule!
Another thing Frank says...
Schedules work for you,
Ooh! Not you for them!
Sorry. Harriet, you're
going the wrong way.
I've been going the wrong way
for quite a while.
Oh!
Sorry, Aunt Harriet, but
you're going the wrong way.
No, Chip. I'm going
the right way, finally.
By the way, this
is Steve Douglas.
He's your father.
Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
I'll try and fit you in...
Jeepers, what happened to the
charts? Who ruined our schedule?
I did... before it ruins you.
Are you kidding?
I've had a hot shower
five days in a row.
Yeah, and I finally got
the telephone all to myself.
Nobody horned in
on my TV all week.
Oh, it was a darned
efficient plan, all right.
Everybody got to school on time,
and nobody ran out of hot water.
No hassles over the
telephone or the TV.
In five days, it got rid of
every disorganized thing
about this house, including
all that inefficient smiling
and laughing and...
saying of good mornings
and welcoming of fathers
when they come home.
Jeepers, what does that mean?
That means that I resign
as the Douglas
efficiency expert.
As of now, I stop teaching you
how to operate like machines,
and you can start teaching
me how to behave like a human.
And now, Steve,
if you'll take care
of the upstairs traffic pattern,
I have a phone call to make.
Sure, I'd be happy to.
Well, looks like we won't
be needing these anymore.
I guess I'll never get
another hot shower
for the rest of my life.
And I just got it learned.
Why don't you fellas
take these things
and throw them out in the
incinerator and burn them up, huh?
Well, I'm not
gonna burn mine up.
Now that Harriet's got my
housecleaning organized,
I'm gonna stick to it...
those parts I like.
Hello, Frank?
Look, dear... Oh,
no, you don't, Harriet!
I'll do the talking this time,
and you can just
sit there and listen!
What's that?
I didn't say anything.
Oh.
Harriet... I'm glad you called,
because I was just
about to call you.
You know, Harriet,
this is the first time
in the six years
of our engagement
that we've been separated,
and I've been doing a
lot of thinking about us.
Well, Frank, that's...
I know, Harriet,
you think I'm perfect.
Well, I'm not.
You think my office is
such a model of efficiency.
Well, it isn't!
You-you should
look inside my desk.
Paper clips, Harriet,
mixed up with rubber bands,
and-and letters, three
weeks unanswered.
All right, now.
Well, Frank...
My living as an
efficiency expert.
But the glove compartment
of my car is a regular rat's nest!
Boys, try to... try to
keep it a little quiet.
Harriet's talking on
the phone, you know.
I'll get you!
You know, Steve, I'm glad
you could drop in. Thanks, Bub.
And I've been trying to
behave like I thought you...
Chip and Robbie.
Chip.
Get off the furniture, Tramp.
I'm not an automatic train!
I don't want to
marry a-a computer!
All right, boys.
I want to raise children,
not adding machines!
We're just a couple of
time-saving machines
who've been
wasting a lot of time!
It's nice to be back
to the good old
planned disorganization.
♪ ♪