My Name Is Earl (2005–2009): Season 4, Episode 19 - My Name is Alias - full transcript
Darnell's father uses Earl and Randy to track Darnell down and tell him that he can get his old identity back if he agrees to do one more top secret job for The Agency.
My name is Earl.
I got a chance to seeJoy and Darnell...
after they went into Witness Protection,
but Randy hadn't...
and he was really missing his friend.
Hey, Earl.
Hey, Scarecrow Crabman.
As the days went by...
I tried to keep
a brave front up for Randy...
but when he wasn't around,
I found myself missing everybody too.
I'm looking for Darnell Turner.
Sorry, but he's not-
I don't know anyone named Darnell Turner.
Isn't that Darnell Turner?
Who, this?
Uh, got me.
Uh, this was here when we moved in.
The previous tenant probably left it behind.
- Isn't that you?
- Wow. Yeah.
Yeah. He does kinda look like me.
But if he calls that mess a mustache-
Still, crazy world.
My mistake. Thank you for your time.
Look. This isn't the first time
I've been cuffed to something...
so if you're trying to freak me out-
There's a bomb in the briefcase
attached to your wrist.
If you don't want your neighbors
to pick up pieces of you out of their azaleas...
you'll tell me where Darnell Turner is.
What are azaleas?
While I was imagining myself as azalea fertilizer...
Darnell was coming home to a surprise ofhis own.
Oh, hey, baby. I didn't hear you come in.
Boys, I know shootin' hookers is fun,
but it's too loud. Headphones on.
So, when did the boys get an Xbox?
I'm sorry, Darnell, but I had to get it for 'em.
They're not making any friends
based on their personalities.
I mean, you've seen that routine they got
worked out where they pick each other's noses.
It's our bad for laughing so hard
the first time they did it.
But you know we can't afford luxury items.
We can't afford not to fit in.
Look. You just worry about selling more insurances
and leave everything else to me.
I'll try, baby. What's for dinner?
Oh, we already ate.
I miss us eating dinner as a family.
You think this is easy on me?
I'm working my butt off.
I had to come up with
three different disguises...
to make people think
we got a maid, a nanny and a gardener.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
time for Carlos to mow the lawn.
I'm telling you.
I don't know who you're talkin' about.
Hey, Earl.
Me and fake Darnell had a blast.
We played darts.
I let him drive the El Camino.
He scratched the back fender.
- Tell me where Darnell is.
- Look.
He-He doesn't know where Darnell is. I swear.
Just leave my brother alone.
It would kill me if anything happened to him.
That's good to know.
I know I always make you say you love me
before we go to sleep...
but if someone's threatening
to torture or even kill the thing you love...
that's when you can keep it to yourself.
All right, fellas. You got about five minutes
before this bomb goes off.
Okay. You-You let my brother go,
and I'll tell you what I know.
- Fair enough.
- No!
Think aboutJoy, Darnell and the kids.
You can blow us up. We're not afraid.
Don't worry. I got a plan.
Hey. Call me if you want to live.
I'm on speed dial two.
- Okay, Randy. What's your plan?
- All we have to do...
is open up the bomb, say "I hope this works,"
close our eyes and cut the blue wire.
I've seen it a million times on TV.
It's easy.
What do we do now, Randy?
I think that we go to commercial.
- I'm calling Thomas.
- I need a beer.
- Damn it, Randy. Now what do we do?
- I don't know.
- I can't reach the phone!
- We're ready to talk!
- Thomas, we're ready to talk! We're ready to talk, Thomas!
- I can't reach the phone!
#The girl from Ipanema goes walking #
# And when she passes, each one she passes #
# Goes ahhh ##
There are a few things
I need to get off my chest before we die.
First, your teeth are not whiter than mine.
All right. That's it.
Is there anything you need to say to me?
And if it's that your teeth are whiter than mine,
we have a big problem.
Randy, we're not gonna die.
We just need to knock this pole down.
Come on. Push.
We need something heavy,
something with a lot of weight. How about, uh-
- Ow! Jerk!
- Sorry. I'm just trying to-
Ow! Jackass!
Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
Hold on. Wait. Wait. Wait.
We're brothers.
Let's not turn on each other in...
what could be the last few moments of our lives.
You're right.
- Ow!
- That one was just to make us even.
Fair enough.
Well, I guess this is good-bye, Brother.
I can't say good-bye. Hug me.
Maybe then,
after the explosion, our bits will be mixed up...
and God will have to take us to heaven together.
Randy!
It didn't go off. We're alive.
Huh. One of the blue wires must have got loose.
- Randy.
- It's not broken.
It's not a real bomb.
I thought by handcuffing you to fake explosives
you'd give up Darnell's location.
Hmm. You didn't crack.
Yeah. You guys would make good soldiers.
That's what the guy in the Wal-Mart parking lot
is always telling us.
Yeah. He says that because we-
Sneak attack!
Ow!
Gentlemen,
let's just be done with the violence.
- What do you say?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure.
Good. I'd hate to have to kill
a couple of my son's friends.
Wait. You're-You're Darnell's dad?
Tell us some embarrassing stories about him.
- Wait. How-How do we know you're not lying?
- Ah.
Can't you see the resemblance?
D- Darnell always told us his dad died
in the American-Canadian War.
No. And you guys ought to read more.
I'm not surprised Darnell
didn't tell you about me.
I wasn't a great dad.
Darnell's dad wasn't much of a father...
but he was one of the best
covert government agents...
which meant having drinks after work
with the boys had a whole different meaning.
To Communism!
So he didn't have much time
for day-to-day parenting.
It's your son. He fell down
some stairs and broke his arm.
Tell him this telephone number
is for emergencies only.
In fact, sometimes he nearly
forgot he had a family at all.
Wait a second.
- What day is it today?
- Uh, I think it's the 14th.
Oh, crap!
Run out to Walgreens and get me
a belated birthday card.
We're in Angola.
I don't know where Walgreens is.
- Hey. Where's Walgreens?
- What is Walgreens?
- Tell me where Walgreens is!
- I don't know!
So you were in the- the C.I.A. or the F.B. I?
Even more secretive than that.
Don't tell me. I.R.S.
PBS? TCBY?
- Actually, well, see-
- B.Y.O.B.
Son, you're gettin' on my last nerve.
So, b-because you're in
some secret organization...
that's why Darnell has to be in
the Witness Protection Program?
Uh, it's complicated, but basically, yes.
See, I wanna trust you,
but you did just handcuff us to a bomb.
A fake bomb.
When you gonna let it go?
Just-Just take the picture to Darnell.
He'll verify who I am.
Look. Now, I just wanna get right by my son.
No matter how difficult
our relationship has been in the past...
every boy needs to know
that his father loves him.
How do I know that's a real tear?
Taste.
We're going.
So we left Thomas at the trailer...
and took the picture
to find out if it really was Darnell's dad.
You told me your daddy died in a Ferris wheel
accident. That's why you'll never ride 'em.
I don't ride them because you refuse to obey
the "No Rocking" sign.
Plus, I didn't wanna talk about my dad.
Two birds.
Darnell, I've missed you so much.
You gotta come back to Camden.
You'll never believe it.
We've got a black president now.
Zip it, dummy. Darnell.
The truth is, my father and I...
have a long, complicated history
that I didn't want to delve into.
That's when Darnell told us
the story about his entire life as Harry Monroe.
From an early age,
Thomas saw that his son was exceptional.
So, like any good secret agent would...
he shipped his son off for spy training.
Shaken. Stirred.
And eventually, Darnell went from
special training to special ops.
Dad. What a surprise.
It's been so long. How's everything at home?
All your grandparents are dead,
and we painted the kitchen.
Here are your orders.
Your flight leaves in 45 minutes.
Hey. There's about to be
a Donkey Kong kill screen...
in the game tent, if you're interested.
Darnell was the agency's best...
until one day the agency asked him to go too far.
I wondered how long it would take the Americans
to send someone to kill me.
Why is it you are so
threatened by a pediocracy?
You're Wong Wa, king of the Opti nation?
Oh, well.
At least I lived longer than my father.
Fire when ready.
- You were successful?
- No.
There must be some kind of mistake.
He's a nine-year-old kid.
No. He's a nine-year-old socialist who wants to
nationalize the diamond mines.
He saw a Veggie Tales about sharing,
and it's turned his head all around.
Thinking about
the little boy made Darnell start to question...
all he had given up for the agency...
which made him question why the agency
was asking him to do all this to begin with.
And even though he wasn't in the navy...
Darnell testified before something called
a"sub committee"...
and nearly brought down
his father's entire agency.
My father never forgave me for testifying.
The whole agency wanted me dead.
That's why I had to go into Witness Protection.
So your dad turned you into a trained assassin.
My dad would make me hold
the flashlight when he'd work under the sink.
Sometimes dads suck, but you gotta get past it.
Look. He even gave me
a belated birthday card for you.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
- Wh-What's the big deal?
- Wake up. He didn't like the card.
Hello, Dad.
Hello, Son.
Let's do this.
Darnell hadn't seen his father in years, and...
it wasn't the happiest of reunions.
Stop blocking. I'm your father.
You weren't a father. If you were a father,
you would've coached my archery team...
or taught me falconry
or at least given me a hug once in a while.
I knew what kind of life lay ahead of you...
and I didn't want you
to be soft like your brother.
- What brother?
- That's not important.
You robbed me of a childhood
and apparently of a brother.
Oh. Hey. This is a waste of time.
I trained you too well.
Neither one of us is gonna land a punch.
You're right.
I learned some things in the streets.
I'm getting too old for this crap.
Look. If I can find you,
so can anyone at the agency.
Your two friends-
they're brave, but they're idiots.
The tall one can't even tell the difference
between a tear and saline solution.
- What do you want?
- I want to give you a chance...
to make up for what you did to the agency.
So you can stop running.
You can go back to living your life again.
- What would I have to do?
- One last mission.
- And then I'm out? No strings attached?
- Yes.
- Uncle Sam has agreed to wipe the slate clean.
- Uncle Sam the government...
or your freaky brother who used to pay me
a hundred dollars to rub his feet?
The government.
Darnell knew working
for the agency again could get him killed.
But to Darnell,
eating TVdinners alone was no life at all.
So he'd do anything
so they could be the family they used to be.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Hey, Crabman!
Hey, Earl.
Where am I? What's going on?
Helicopter. Secret mission.
My father brought you along
to make sure I cooperate.
He has trust issues.
I promise, no long-term harm will come to you...
unless, of course, harm comes to me,
in which case, I doubt you'll survive.
But I prefer to focus on the positive.
Okay.
I'm gonna give you a shot to knock you out,
so you don't see anything you're not supposed to.
But if you need to cry, now would be a good time.
Thank you.
Hello?
Oh. Hey, Pat.
Thank you for taking the boys.
I'll be happy to take yours
next week, if you want.
"Dear baby, sorry about
laying all this on you in written form. "
Randy, they're gone.
Earl, don't move.
Do not move.
# There's a man who leads
a life of danger#
- # To everyone he meets #
- Thank you for this artifact.
P. Diddy will pay a pretty penny,
once I hammer it into the hood of a Bentley.
Here you will find the man you seek.
- # Another chance he takes #
- He's awake.
# Odds are he won't live
to see tomorrow #
# Secret agent man #
# Secret agent man #
- # They've given you a number#
- Don't worry. We'll get out of this.
- # And taken away your name #
- Uh, it's cool.
- # Beware of pretty faces #
- My contact lens popped out.
# That you find #
# Apretty face can hide
an evil mind #
You don't tell me what I want,
I'll kill your wives one by one.
Starting with the hot one.
Fakira! Okay, okay. I will tell you.
The anthrax will be released
from the, uh, A.C. duct...
in the northwest corner of the building.
# Secret agent man #
# Secret agent man #
# They've given you a number##
This might be a bad time,
but I need to use the bathroom.
You're wearing a diaper.
Crabman?
Hey, Earl.
- Is it over?
- I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
- Nope. Just the one. Is it over?
- Yeah. It's over.
And we're sorry we had to
knock you out so many times.
Forty-five, to be exact.
You're gonna want to drink a lot of water today.
W- W-Will there be any side effects?
Ge- Ge- Ge-
Just that.
Engine's failing!
We're goin' down!
Not enough parachutes!
Earl, you get the first parachute...
because you're a civilian-
and more importantly, because you're a friend!
Thanks, Crabman.
Just in case I never see you again,
I just wanna say-
Ge- Ge-Ge-Ge-
I feel the same way!
Ah!
Whoo!
- Here. Take it.
- No!
This is an order, Agent Monroe!
You're no longer my commanding officer!
But I'm still your father, and I love you.
I've waited so long for you to say that.
I'm not leaving without a hug first!
- There's no time!
- I'm not accepting that excuse anymore, Dad!
Darnell speaks seven languages...
and has a black belt
in three styles of fighting that end in "do. "
He's gonna be fine.
And Earl has a real nice smile
and can play "Wipe Out" on his stomach.
He's gonna be fine too.
We just gotta be strong.
That's Earl!
Everyone was safe.
And Crabman would never again have to
pretend to be anyone other than who he was-
a loving husband, a great father...
and one of the best friends I ever had.
Coming up, it was a busy day in world news.
A theft in Cairo's Royal Egyptian Museum...
the crash of a military helicopter
in the Bay of Bengal...
and a bomb containing enough anthrax
to kill everyone in Western France...
mysteriously failed to detonate.
Now it's time to take a look at
last week's Camden school bus report.
Shh.
Don't worry, I'll never say a-
Let's eat.
I got a chance to seeJoy and Darnell...
after they went into Witness Protection,
but Randy hadn't...
and he was really missing his friend.
Hey, Earl.
Hey, Scarecrow Crabman.
As the days went by...
I tried to keep
a brave front up for Randy...
but when he wasn't around,
I found myself missing everybody too.
I'm looking for Darnell Turner.
Sorry, but he's not-
I don't know anyone named Darnell Turner.
Isn't that Darnell Turner?
Who, this?
Uh, got me.
Uh, this was here when we moved in.
The previous tenant probably left it behind.
- Isn't that you?
- Wow. Yeah.
Yeah. He does kinda look like me.
But if he calls that mess a mustache-
Still, crazy world.
My mistake. Thank you for your time.
Look. This isn't the first time
I've been cuffed to something...
so if you're trying to freak me out-
There's a bomb in the briefcase
attached to your wrist.
If you don't want your neighbors
to pick up pieces of you out of their azaleas...
you'll tell me where Darnell Turner is.
What are azaleas?
While I was imagining myself as azalea fertilizer...
Darnell was coming home to a surprise ofhis own.
Oh, hey, baby. I didn't hear you come in.
Boys, I know shootin' hookers is fun,
but it's too loud. Headphones on.
So, when did the boys get an Xbox?
I'm sorry, Darnell, but I had to get it for 'em.
They're not making any friends
based on their personalities.
I mean, you've seen that routine they got
worked out where they pick each other's noses.
It's our bad for laughing so hard
the first time they did it.
But you know we can't afford luxury items.
We can't afford not to fit in.
Look. You just worry about selling more insurances
and leave everything else to me.
I'll try, baby. What's for dinner?
Oh, we already ate.
I miss us eating dinner as a family.
You think this is easy on me?
I'm working my butt off.
I had to come up with
three different disguises...
to make people think
we got a maid, a nanny and a gardener.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
time for Carlos to mow the lawn.
I'm telling you.
I don't know who you're talkin' about.
Hey, Earl.
Me and fake Darnell had a blast.
We played darts.
I let him drive the El Camino.
He scratched the back fender.
- Tell me where Darnell is.
- Look.
He-He doesn't know where Darnell is. I swear.
Just leave my brother alone.
It would kill me if anything happened to him.
That's good to know.
I know I always make you say you love me
before we go to sleep...
but if someone's threatening
to torture or even kill the thing you love...
that's when you can keep it to yourself.
All right, fellas. You got about five minutes
before this bomb goes off.
Okay. You-You let my brother go,
and I'll tell you what I know.
- Fair enough.
- No!
Think aboutJoy, Darnell and the kids.
You can blow us up. We're not afraid.
Don't worry. I got a plan.
Hey. Call me if you want to live.
I'm on speed dial two.
- Okay, Randy. What's your plan?
- All we have to do...
is open up the bomb, say "I hope this works,"
close our eyes and cut the blue wire.
I've seen it a million times on TV.
It's easy.
What do we do now, Randy?
I think that we go to commercial.
- I'm calling Thomas.
- I need a beer.
- Damn it, Randy. Now what do we do?
- I don't know.
- I can't reach the phone!
- We're ready to talk!
- Thomas, we're ready to talk! We're ready to talk, Thomas!
- I can't reach the phone!
#The girl from Ipanema goes walking #
# And when she passes, each one she passes #
# Goes ahhh ##
There are a few things
I need to get off my chest before we die.
First, your teeth are not whiter than mine.
All right. That's it.
Is there anything you need to say to me?
And if it's that your teeth are whiter than mine,
we have a big problem.
Randy, we're not gonna die.
We just need to knock this pole down.
Come on. Push.
We need something heavy,
something with a lot of weight. How about, uh-
- Ow! Jerk!
- Sorry. I'm just trying to-
Ow! Jackass!
Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow!
Hold on. Wait. Wait. Wait.
We're brothers.
Let's not turn on each other in...
what could be the last few moments of our lives.
You're right.
- Ow!
- That one was just to make us even.
Fair enough.
Well, I guess this is good-bye, Brother.
I can't say good-bye. Hug me.
Maybe then,
after the explosion, our bits will be mixed up...
and God will have to take us to heaven together.
Randy!
It didn't go off. We're alive.
Huh. One of the blue wires must have got loose.
- Randy.
- It's not broken.
It's not a real bomb.
I thought by handcuffing you to fake explosives
you'd give up Darnell's location.
Hmm. You didn't crack.
Yeah. You guys would make good soldiers.
That's what the guy in the Wal-Mart parking lot
is always telling us.
Yeah. He says that because we-
Sneak attack!
Ow!
Gentlemen,
let's just be done with the violence.
- What do you say?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure.
Good. I'd hate to have to kill
a couple of my son's friends.
Wait. You're-You're Darnell's dad?
Tell us some embarrassing stories about him.
- Wait. How-How do we know you're not lying?
- Ah.
Can't you see the resemblance?
D- Darnell always told us his dad died
in the American-Canadian War.
No. And you guys ought to read more.
I'm not surprised Darnell
didn't tell you about me.
I wasn't a great dad.
Darnell's dad wasn't much of a father...
but he was one of the best
covert government agents...
which meant having drinks after work
with the boys had a whole different meaning.
To Communism!
So he didn't have much time
for day-to-day parenting.
It's your son. He fell down
some stairs and broke his arm.
Tell him this telephone number
is for emergencies only.
In fact, sometimes he nearly
forgot he had a family at all.
Wait a second.
- What day is it today?
- Uh, I think it's the 14th.
Oh, crap!
Run out to Walgreens and get me
a belated birthday card.
We're in Angola.
I don't know where Walgreens is.
- Hey. Where's Walgreens?
- What is Walgreens?
- Tell me where Walgreens is!
- I don't know!
So you were in the- the C.I.A. or the F.B. I?
Even more secretive than that.
Don't tell me. I.R.S.
PBS? TCBY?
- Actually, well, see-
- B.Y.O.B.
Son, you're gettin' on my last nerve.
So, b-because you're in
some secret organization...
that's why Darnell has to be in
the Witness Protection Program?
Uh, it's complicated, but basically, yes.
See, I wanna trust you,
but you did just handcuff us to a bomb.
A fake bomb.
When you gonna let it go?
Just-Just take the picture to Darnell.
He'll verify who I am.
Look. Now, I just wanna get right by my son.
No matter how difficult
our relationship has been in the past...
every boy needs to know
that his father loves him.
How do I know that's a real tear?
Taste.
We're going.
So we left Thomas at the trailer...
and took the picture
to find out if it really was Darnell's dad.
You told me your daddy died in a Ferris wheel
accident. That's why you'll never ride 'em.
I don't ride them because you refuse to obey
the "No Rocking" sign.
Plus, I didn't wanna talk about my dad.
Two birds.
Darnell, I've missed you so much.
You gotta come back to Camden.
You'll never believe it.
We've got a black president now.
Zip it, dummy. Darnell.
The truth is, my father and I...
have a long, complicated history
that I didn't want to delve into.
That's when Darnell told us
the story about his entire life as Harry Monroe.
From an early age,
Thomas saw that his son was exceptional.
So, like any good secret agent would...
he shipped his son off for spy training.
Shaken. Stirred.
And eventually, Darnell went from
special training to special ops.
Dad. What a surprise.
It's been so long. How's everything at home?
All your grandparents are dead,
and we painted the kitchen.
Here are your orders.
Your flight leaves in 45 minutes.
Hey. There's about to be
a Donkey Kong kill screen...
in the game tent, if you're interested.
Darnell was the agency's best...
until one day the agency asked him to go too far.
I wondered how long it would take the Americans
to send someone to kill me.
Why is it you are so
threatened by a pediocracy?
You're Wong Wa, king of the Opti nation?
Oh, well.
At least I lived longer than my father.
Fire when ready.
- You were successful?
- No.
There must be some kind of mistake.
He's a nine-year-old kid.
No. He's a nine-year-old socialist who wants to
nationalize the diamond mines.
He saw a Veggie Tales about sharing,
and it's turned his head all around.
Thinking about
the little boy made Darnell start to question...
all he had given up for the agency...
which made him question why the agency
was asking him to do all this to begin with.
And even though he wasn't in the navy...
Darnell testified before something called
a"sub committee"...
and nearly brought down
his father's entire agency.
My father never forgave me for testifying.
The whole agency wanted me dead.
That's why I had to go into Witness Protection.
So your dad turned you into a trained assassin.
My dad would make me hold
the flashlight when he'd work under the sink.
Sometimes dads suck, but you gotta get past it.
Look. He even gave me
a belated birthday card for you.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
- Wh-What's the big deal?
- Wake up. He didn't like the card.
Hello, Dad.
Hello, Son.
Let's do this.
Darnell hadn't seen his father in years, and...
it wasn't the happiest of reunions.
Stop blocking. I'm your father.
You weren't a father. If you were a father,
you would've coached my archery team...
or taught me falconry
or at least given me a hug once in a while.
I knew what kind of life lay ahead of you...
and I didn't want you
to be soft like your brother.
- What brother?
- That's not important.
You robbed me of a childhood
and apparently of a brother.
Oh. Hey. This is a waste of time.
I trained you too well.
Neither one of us is gonna land a punch.
You're right.
I learned some things in the streets.
I'm getting too old for this crap.
Look. If I can find you,
so can anyone at the agency.
Your two friends-
they're brave, but they're idiots.
The tall one can't even tell the difference
between a tear and saline solution.
- What do you want?
- I want to give you a chance...
to make up for what you did to the agency.
So you can stop running.
You can go back to living your life again.
- What would I have to do?
- One last mission.
- And then I'm out? No strings attached?
- Yes.
- Uncle Sam has agreed to wipe the slate clean.
- Uncle Sam the government...
or your freaky brother who used to pay me
a hundred dollars to rub his feet?
The government.
Darnell knew working
for the agency again could get him killed.
But to Darnell,
eating TVdinners alone was no life at all.
So he'd do anything
so they could be the family they used to be.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Hey, Crabman!
Hey, Earl.
Where am I? What's going on?
Helicopter. Secret mission.
My father brought you along
to make sure I cooperate.
He has trust issues.
I promise, no long-term harm will come to you...
unless, of course, harm comes to me,
in which case, I doubt you'll survive.
But I prefer to focus on the positive.
Okay.
I'm gonna give you a shot to knock you out,
so you don't see anything you're not supposed to.
But if you need to cry, now would be a good time.
Thank you.
Hello?
Oh. Hey, Pat.
Thank you for taking the boys.
I'll be happy to take yours
next week, if you want.
"Dear baby, sorry about
laying all this on you in written form. "
Randy, they're gone.
Earl, don't move.
Do not move.
# There's a man who leads
a life of danger#
- # To everyone he meets #
- Thank you for this artifact.
P. Diddy will pay a pretty penny,
once I hammer it into the hood of a Bentley.
Here you will find the man you seek.
- # Another chance he takes #
- He's awake.
# Odds are he won't live
to see tomorrow #
# Secret agent man #
# Secret agent man #
- # They've given you a number#
- Don't worry. We'll get out of this.
- # And taken away your name #
- Uh, it's cool.
- # Beware of pretty faces #
- My contact lens popped out.
# That you find #
# Apretty face can hide
an evil mind #
You don't tell me what I want,
I'll kill your wives one by one.
Starting with the hot one.
Fakira! Okay, okay. I will tell you.
The anthrax will be released
from the, uh, A.C. duct...
in the northwest corner of the building.
# Secret agent man #
# Secret agent man #
# They've given you a number##
This might be a bad time,
but I need to use the bathroom.
You're wearing a diaper.
Crabman?
Hey, Earl.
- Is it over?
- I'm sure you have a lot of questions.
- Nope. Just the one. Is it over?
- Yeah. It's over.
And we're sorry we had to
knock you out so many times.
Forty-five, to be exact.
You're gonna want to drink a lot of water today.
W- W-Will there be any side effects?
Ge- Ge- Ge-
Just that.
Engine's failing!
We're goin' down!
Not enough parachutes!
Earl, you get the first parachute...
because you're a civilian-
and more importantly, because you're a friend!
Thanks, Crabman.
Just in case I never see you again,
I just wanna say-
Ge- Ge-Ge-Ge-
I feel the same way!
Ah!
Whoo!
- Here. Take it.
- No!
This is an order, Agent Monroe!
You're no longer my commanding officer!
But I'm still your father, and I love you.
I've waited so long for you to say that.
I'm not leaving without a hug first!
- There's no time!
- I'm not accepting that excuse anymore, Dad!
Darnell speaks seven languages...
and has a black belt
in three styles of fighting that end in "do. "
He's gonna be fine.
And Earl has a real nice smile
and can play "Wipe Out" on his stomach.
He's gonna be fine too.
We just gotta be strong.
That's Earl!
Everyone was safe.
And Crabman would never again have to
pretend to be anyone other than who he was-
a loving husband, a great father...
and one of the best friends I ever had.
Coming up, it was a busy day in world news.
A theft in Cairo's Royal Egyptian Museum...
the crash of a military helicopter
in the Bay of Bengal...
and a bomb containing enough anthrax
to kill everyone in Western France...
mysteriously failed to detonate.
Now it's time to take a look at
last week's Camden school bus report.
Shh.
Don't worry, I'll never say a-
Let's eat.