My Name Is Earl (2005–2009): Season 1, Episode 3 - Randy's Touchdown - full transcript
To cross yet another injustice off his list, Earl vows to get his brother Randy the football touchdown denied to him in high school.
YOU KNOW THE KIND OF GUY
WHO DOES NOTHING
BUT BAD THINGS...
AND THEN WONDERS WHY
HIS LIFE SUCKS?
WELL, THAT WAS ME.
EVERY TIME SOMETHIN' GOOD
HAPPENED TO ME,
SOMETHIN' BAD
WAS ALWAYS WAITIN'
AROUND THE CORNER.
KARMA.
THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
I HAD TO CHANGE.
SO I MADE A LIST
OF EVERYTHING BAD
I'VE EVER DONE,
AND, ONE BY ONE,
I'M GONNA MAKE UP
FOR ALL MY MISTAKES.
I'M JUST TRYIN'
TO BE A BETTER PERSON.
MY NAME IS EARL.
[ Earl Narrating ]
EVER SINCE MY DIVORCE, WINNING
$100,000 IN THE LOTTERY...
AND DISCOVERING
THE CONCEPT OF KARMA,
I FEEL GREAT.
[ Beeping ]
AND THE MORE BAD THINGS
I CROSS OFF MY LIST,
THE MORE KARMA REWARDS ME.
CLEAN LIVIN'.
RANDY, THERE'S SOMETHING
TO BE SAID ABOUT WAKING UP...
AND FEELING
LIKE A GOOD PERSON.
"U-R AN ASS."
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
JOY.
WELL, IT WASN'T ME,
ALTHOUGH I DO AGREE
WITH YOUR CAR--
YOU ARE AN ASS.
- [ Kids Laughing ]
- UM, JOY?
FINE! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
CALL THE POLICE?
PLEASE DO. I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
WITH THEM WHERE YOU AND YOUR
BROTHER GOT THAT REFRIGERATOR.
HOLD IT. DON'T CALL THE POLICE.
THEY STILL GOT MY PICTURE UP
OVER AT THE CIRCUIT CITY.
LOOK, JUST LEAVE
MY STUFF ALONE, OKAY?
HOW 'BOUT YOU GIVE ME
HALF THAT LOTTO MONEY, AND THEN
MAYBE I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE?
YOU KNOW I NEED
THAT MONEY SO I CAN MAKE UP
FOR THE THINGS ON MY LIST.
YOU AND YOUR STUPID LIST.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR KIDS?
YOU HAVE A FAMILY
TO SUPPORT.
- THOSE AREN'T MY KIDS, JOY.
- THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
THEY HAVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED
TO A CERTAIN QUALITY
OF LIFESTYLE...
THAT YOU PROVIDED FOR 'EM
WITH ALL YOUR CROOKERY.
I TRIED TO GET THEIR NEW DADDY
TO FILL YOUR SHOES, BUT DARNELL
IS NOT CUT OUT FOR CRIME.
[ Video Game Beeping ]
[ Gasps ]
I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T OF DID THAT.
THAT'S OKAY.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
I THINK I HAVE
A LITTLE CANDY BAR IN HERE.
YOU WANT A LITTLE CANDY BAR?
WHERE'S MY GRANDFATHER'S
CUCKOO CLOCK?
- I PAWNED IT.
- WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
CIGARETTES GROW ON TREES?
[ Earl Narrating ]
EXCEPT FOR SCOLIOSIS,
THE ONLY THING MY GRANDFATHER
PASSED DOWN TO ME
WAS THAT CUCKOO CLOCK.
AND I COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT
OF MY FAMILY'S ONLY HEIRLOOM
SITTIN' IN A PAWNSHOP.
YOU SURE YOU WANNA GET
GRANDPA'S CUCKOO CLOCK BACK?
THAT THING
ALMOST PUT MY EYE OUT.
WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE.
YOU KNEW WHAT TIME IT WAS.
HOW MUCH IS IT GONNA COST?
THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT
OF VENDING MACHINE DOUGHNUTS
YOU'RE HOLDING THERE.
I'M GETTIN'
AN EXTRA HUNDRED
FOR ROSIE.
AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE,
I MIGHT AS WELL CROSS
NUMBER 58 OFF MY LIST--
FIXED A HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL GAME.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
HUT!
[ Earl Narrating ]
AFTER SITTING ON THE BENCH
ALL YEAR,
THE COACH TOLD RANDY
HE WAS FINALLY GONNA
GET A CHANCE TO PLAY.
I SAW THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY
TO MAKE A BET WITH ROSIE,
OUR LOCAL BOOKIE
AND PAWNSHOP OWNER.
I BET A HUNDRED DOLLARS
ON RANDY'S TEAM... TO LOSE.
GOOD LUCK.
OF COURSE
I DIDN'T NEED LUCK.
I HAD RANDY.
2-16! HUT!
[ Crowd Booing ]
[ Crowd Groaning ]
HUT!
[ Man ]
AH, YOU FOOL!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[ Jeering ]
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BUM!
I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE ROSIE'S FACE
WHEN I PAY HER BACK.
YOU DISGUST ME, EARL HICKEY.
FIXIN' A GAME.
I SHOULD PULL YOU THROUGH
THIS TALKIN' HOLE AND STOMP ON
YOUR SWEATY LITTLE TEA BAG.
WHAT'S UP, ROSIE?
HOW YOU BEEN?
YOU HAD ONE CHANCE
TO FEEL WHAT IT WAS LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN,
AND YA THREW IT ALL AWAY
JUST BECAUSE YOUR WORTHLESS
BROTHER ASKED YOU TO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
THAT WAS TRUE.
[ Whistle Blows ]
HUT!
[ Man ]
RUN! RUN!
BLOCK HIM!
[ Groaning ]
[ Earl Narrating ] MAYBE I
DIDN'T JUST CHEAT THE BOOKIE.
MAYBE I CHEATED RANDY TOO.
I TOOK AWAY HIS ONE CHANCE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
RANDY, DO YOU
REGRET THE FACT THAT YOU
NEVER GOT TO FEEL...
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?
UH, I GUESS
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL
TO GET LIFTED UP BY PEOPLE.
I NEVER BEEN
LIFTED UP BEFORE.
IT LOOKS FUN.
I THINK I HAVE TO PUT YOU
ON MY LIST, RANDY.
I TOOK AWAY YOUR TOUCHDOWN.
I GOTTA GIVE IT BACK.
HOW IN THE WORLD
ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?
THIS MAY SOUND CRAZY,
BUT I-I THINK YOU HAVE TO
GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL.
[ Cuckooing ]
THAT WAS WEIRD.
[ Earl Narrating ] I NEEDED
TO GET RANDY A FAKE BIRTH
CERTIFICATE FOR HIGH SCHOOL.
LUCKILY,
THAT HOMOSEXUAL FELLOW I KNOW
WORKS AT A COPY PLACE.
THANKS FOR DOING THIS,
KENNY.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME
OUT OF THE CLOSET.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE
WERE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ME.
I'VE WORKED WITH BRUCE
FOR YEARS AND DIDN'T KNOW.
OH, YES, YOU WILL COLLATE!
HERE YOU GO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE
LOOKED GREAT.
ALL WE NEEDED WAS A FAKE FATHER
TO SIGN THE PAPERWORK,
AND WE WERE IN.
TRANSFER STUDENT, HUH?
[ Synthesized Voice ]
I TRAVEL A LOT FOR WORK.
[ Earl Narrating ]
WITH FOOTBALL SEASON
ALMOST OVER,
I WANTED TO MAKE SURE RANDY
GOT A CHANCE TO PLAY,
SO I PICKED THE SCHOOL
WITH THE WORST TEAM
IN THE LEAGUE.
[ Inhaler Squirting ]
HOW WAS YOUR
FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL?
GREAT. I REALLY ENJOYED
SCIENCE CLASS.
DID YOU KNOW
THAT BEFORE WE WERE HUMANS,
WE WERE MONKEYS?
REALLY? WHAT WERE WE
BEFORE MONKEYS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER
BEING A MONKEY.
WHERE'S MY CAR?
WHAT?
I PARKED MY CAR
RIGHT HERE.
SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR.
MY MONEY. MY MONEY
WAS IN THE CAR. RANDY,
MY MONEY WAS IN THE CAR.
WHO'D WANNA
STEAL YOUR CAR?
IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP
WITH "ASSTRONAUT"
PAINTED ON THE SIDE.
JOY.
- WHERE IS IT, JOY?
- WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE GUYS
DOWN AT IMPOUND?
YOU HAD MY CAR TOWED?
YUP. MAYBE IF YOU GAVE ME
SOME OF THAT LOTTO MONEY,
I'D FIND BETTER THINGS TO DO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
IT WAS AT THAT POINT
I REALIZED JOY HAD NO IDEA...
THAT MY MONEY
WAS ACTUALLY IN THE CAR.
HEY, EARL. JOY HAD NO IDEA
THAT YOUR LOTTO MONEY
WAS IN YOUR CAR.
OW! OH!
[ Hisses ]
I BUSTED OPEN
MY RUG BURN.
[ Earl Narrating ]
JOY'S FALL BOUGHT US
A LITTLE TIME,
BUT GETTING THE CAR
WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
IT SEEMS I OWED SOME MONEY
ON UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.
$3,000?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ Earl Narrating ]
I KNEW I COULD PAY HIM IF I
COULD JUST GET TO THE CAR,
BUT THESE AREN'T THE KIND
OF GUYS YOU WANNA LET KNOW YOU
HAVE CHANGE IN YOUR ASHTRAY,
MUCH LESS $100,000
UNDER YOUR FRONT SEAT.
WHAT'S UP
WITH THE FOOTBALL?
I PLAY FOR NORTHWESTERN HIGH.
I'M GONNA SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
NORTHWESTERN HIGH?
WHAT ARE YOU,
IN THE 17th GRADE?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I'M HERE TO PICK UP MY CAR.
NOPE! IT'S NOT HER CAR.
THAT'S MY CAR.
MY NAME'S ON THE TITLE TOO.
I DON'T GIVE
A RAT'S ASPIRIN BOTTLE
WHOSE DAMN CAR IT IS.
I'M GONNA GIVE IT
TO WHOEVER GIVES ME $3,000.
SIR, CAN I HAVE
THIS MAGAZINE
FOR A COLLAGE?
ONE OF THE CHEERLEADERS
WAS OUT SICK TODAY,
AND WE'RE GONNA
DECORATE HER LOCKER.
[ Earl Narrating ]
I KNEW NEITHER JOY OR I
WOULD BE ABLE...
TO COME UP WITH $3,000
WITHOUT SELLING A KIDNEY,
SO I CONCENTRATED MY EFFORTS
ON SOMEHOW GETTING TO THE CAR.
I DON'T KNOW, EARL.
MAYBE WE SHOULD THINK
OF ANOTHER WAY. I MEAN,
ELECTRICITY HURTS.
I USED TO SNEAK MY CAR OUT
OF HERE ALL THE TIME. THEY ONLY
TURN THIS THING ON AT NIGHT.
SEE?
COME ON.
LET'S GET THAT MONEY.
WAIT FOR IT.
- NOW.
- [ Screams ]
[ Thudding ]
[ Earl Narrating ] WHILE I WAS
BUSY TRYING TO GET TO MY CAR,
JOY WAS TRYING
TO GET A LOAN FOR $3,000.
HEY, BABY.
DARNELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN HERE?
I TOLD YOU
TO WAIT IN THE CAR.
IT'S HOT OUT THERE.
BABY, I'M TRYING TO GET
A LOAN HERE, OKAY?
LOOK, YOU KNOW
I DON'T SEE COLOR,
BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE NEVER
GONNA GIVE ME $3,000...
IF THEY SEE ME HERE
WITH A BLACK MAN, OKAY?
DARNELL, IT'S NOT ME!
IT'S AMERICA.
I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.
SO, THEY TELL ME YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR A LOAN.
YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE CAR.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE REALLY ONLY NEED THE MONEY
FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR OR TWO.
[ Whispers ]
SAY SOMETHIN' BLACK.
[ Earl Narrating ] JOY DIDN'T
REALIZE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOU'RE BLACK OR WHITE.
YOU CAN'T BORROW MONEY
AGAINST A RENTED
1972 TRAILER...
WITH A DOCUMENTED
CARBON MONOXIDE LEAK.
I'M SORRY.
- NICE PULL, BROTHER.
- RIGHT ON.
HEY, EARL?
I NEED $20 TO ENTER
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
RANDY, ALL MY MONEY'S
IN THE CAR.
BESIDES,
YOU'RE GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN,
NOT DECORATE LOCKERS
AND ENTER THE SCIENCE FAIR.
COME ON.
IT'S ONLY $20.
HE'S ALREADY GROWING
HIS POTATO.
JUST PUT THE BOOKS DOWN
AND HELP ME THINK.
IF WE DON'T FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO BREAK INTO THE IMPOUND YARD
AND GET MY MONEY,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
EAT THAT POTATO.
OH, HEY, EARL.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
IT'S CALLED
A TROJAN HORSE.
[ Earl Narrating ] AND THERE
IT WAS-- A GREAT IDEA THAT WE
NEVER WOULD HAVE FOUND...
IF I HADN'T MADE RANDY
GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL.
KARMA STRIKES AGAIN.
[ Earl Narrating ]
INSTEAD OF A WOODEN HORSE,
I WAS GONNA USE A CAR.
I CALLED THE ONLY GUY
I KNEW THAT HAD ONE THAT
ACTUALLY WORKED-- KENNY.
I'LL JUST HIDE IN THE TRUNK,
AND YOU PARK THE CAR
IN FRONT OF A HYDRANT.
ONCE I'M TOWED
INTO THE IMPOUND,
I'LL HOP OUT, GET MY MONEY,
HEAD ON OVER TO
THE HIGH SCHOOL AND WATCH
RANDY SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
SOUNDS LIKE
A SOLID PLAN, EARL.
[ Earl Narrating ]
KENNY'S A GOOD GUY,
BUT, TO BE HONEST,
HIS FRIEND MADE ME
A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
THIS IS SO EXCITING!
LET ME JUST
GET IN THE CAR.
DAMN. I'M TOO BIG.
- I'LL DO IT.
- REALLY?
AFTER EVERYTHING
YOU'VE DONE FOR ME,
IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
WOW. THANKS, KENNY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN FIT
IN THE TRUNK?
I'VE SEEN HIM FIT
INTO A TRUNK.
[ Giggling ]
STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT!
YOU STOP IT!
YOU STOP IT!
WHY DON'T WE ALL STOP IT, OKAY?
LET'S SHUT DOWN THE HORSEPLAY.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
ONCE THE CAR IS IN THE IMPOUND,
HOP OUT, GET MY MONEY...
AND MEET ME
AT THE FOOTBALL GAME.
[ Earl Narrating ]
WHILE I WAS TRYING
TO GET THE CAR,
RANDY WAS GETTING PSYCHED.
ARE YOU READY?
I'M READY.
ARE YOU READY?
I'M READY. YOU READY?
I'M READY!
ARE YOU READY?
OW.
[ Whimpers ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
WHILE RANDY WAS
GETTING PSYCHED,
JOY WAS STILL TRYING TO
GET HER HANDS ON $3,000.
I SOLD ALMOST EVERYTHING WE OWN,
AND ALL I GOT WAS $1,500.
- THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
- I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GONNA
GET ALL THIS MONEY FROM.
WATCH MY BACK.
[ Mouthing Words ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR MY PLAN, THE TROJAN
HORSE WAS ON ITS WAY.
ONLY, INSTEAD OF A HORSE STUFFED
WITH A BUNCH OF GREEKS,
WE HAD A LE CAR STUFFED
WITH ONE TINY GAY.
WHICH MEANT I WAS FREE
TO ENJOY THE GAME.
AND I WANTED RANDY
TO HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT,
SO CATALINA CAME TOO.
I EVEN INVITED
HIS FAKE DAD.
[ Synthesized Voice ]
PUSH 'EM BACK.
PUSH 'EM BACK. WAY BACK!
YOU CAN STOP NOW.
STUPID GUY
AT THE RECYCLE CENTER ONLY
GAVE ME EIGHT DOLLARS...
FOR THAT WHOLE CART
FULL OF CANS.
- WE'LL NEVER MAKE
ENOUGH MONEY THIS WAY.
- YOU THINK?
THESE CANS ARE
JUST TOO DAMN SMALL.
THEY PAY BY THE POUND.
WE NEED HEAVIER CANS.
HEY, WHAT IS THIS THINGY
MADE OUT OF?
[ Grunts, Groans ]
[ Earl Narrating ] RANDY WAS
HAVING MORE TROUBLE ON THE FIELD
THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED.
I THINK ALL THOSE YEARS
OF SLEEPING ALL DAY
AND DRINKING ALL NIGHT...
HAD CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.
HE LOOKS WOBBLY.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, RANDY!
YOU CAN DO THIS!
I NEED YOU TO SCORE, BUDDY.
WHERE THE HELL IS KENNY?
[ Barking, Snarling ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
UNFORTUNATELY FOR KENNY--
[ Gasps ] HELP!
THE AFTERSHAVE HE WAS WEARING
ATTRACTED DOBERMANS.
HELP!
[ Announcer ] WITH 12 SECONDS
LEFT ON THE CLOCK HERE
IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,
BESIDE THIS RUN,
THE ROCKETS--
THIS IS HIS LAST CHANCE
TO SCORE.
GIVE ME THE BALL.
I'LL GET IT IN THE END ZONE.
I HAVE TO. READY?
[ All ]
BREAK!
COME ON, RANDY!
ON THREE. HUT, HUT! GO!
[ Crowd Groaning ]
[ Horn Blows ]
[ Man Shouting ]
[ Man ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[ Earl Narrating ]
I FELT HORRIBLE.
I HAD SET RANDY UP TO FAIL.
I FELT LIKE I TOOK AWAY
HIS TOUCHDOWN ALL OVER AGAIN.
I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO UPSET,
HE WALKED HOME.
[ Horn Honking ]
HEY, EARL HICKEY!
I RAISED THE $3,000.
WHERE'S YOUR KARMA NOW, DUMMY?
- HEY, EARL.
- HEY, CRAB MAN.
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Earl Narrating ] I KNEW AS
SOON AS JOY GOT TO THAT IMPOUND
YARD, MY LIFE WOULD BE RUINED.
WITHOUT MY HUNDRED GRAND,
I'D HAVE TO GET A JOB,
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TIME
TO CROSS THINGS OFF MY LIST.
SO, I STARTED RUNNING.
AND I RAN
AS FAST AS I COULD...
FOR AS LONG AS I COULD.
BUT EVENTUALLY, ALL THOSE YEARS
OF SLEEPING ALL DAY
AND DRINKING ALL NIGHT...
CAUGHT UP WITH ME.
THE MEN IN YOUR FAMILY
DON'T WORK OUT A LOT,
DO THEY?
WE NEVER GOT CAUGHT UP
IN THE WHOLE PHYSICAL
FITNESS CRAZE, NO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT JOY WAS
ON HER WAY TO STEAL MY MONEY,
BUT I WAS ALSO STARTING TO
REGRET WEARING FLANNEL BOXERS
ON SUCH A HOT DAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL
MY MONEY'S GONNA BE GONE.
MY LIFE IS OVER.
WHERE I GREW UP,
WE HAVE THESE THINGS
CALLED BANKS.
[ Horn Honking ]
YOU TWO NEED A RIDE?
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
HOW'D YOU GET MY CAR?
I PAID THE $3,000
TO GET IT OUT.
WHAT? HOW?
I FIXED THE GAME AGAIN.
I FUMBLED THAT BALL
ON PURPOSE.
AND THIS TIME, INSTEAD OF
BETTING A HUNDRED DOLLARS,
I BET 3,000.
SO YOU WERE JUST FAKING IT
WHEN YOU LOOKED SO TIRED
ON THE FIELD?
NO, THAT WAS REAL.
I THREW UP FOUR TIMES.
WAIT. WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME ABOUT THIS?
'CAUSE I KNEW
YOU AND YOUR KARMA LIST
WOULDN'T LET ME DO IT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AREN'T YOU HAPPY?
NO, I'M HAPPY.
I'M HAPPY I GOT THE MONEY BACK,
BUT I DID IT AGAIN.
I FORCED HIM TO GIVE UP
HIS TOUCHDOWN. I CAN'T
CROSS IT OFF THE LIST.
EARL, YOU DIDN'T
MAKE ME DO THIS.
I DID IT BECAUSE
YOU'RE MY BROTHER
AND I WANTED TO.
I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
BUT DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S ABOUT
THE SAME FEELING I GOT...
WHEN I DROVE UP AND SAW
THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING LEFT TO DO.
CATALINA.
[ Chuckling ]
WHOO-HOO!
PUT ME DOWN.
I DON'T LIKE IT!
I DON'T LIKE IT!
[ Earl Narrating ]
FIRST THING WE DID THE NEXT DAY
WAS PAY ROSIE BACK...
THE THREE GRAND WE WON
BY FIXING THE GAME.
NEEDLESS TO SAY,
SHE WASN'T TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE PATHETIC,
EARL HICKEY!
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR KENNY,
HE EVENTUALLY
MADE ENOUGH NOISE THAT SOMEONE
CAME AND RESCUED HIM.
AS IT TURNED OUT,
HIS DRAKKAR NOIR ATTRACTED
MORE THAN JUST THE DOGS.
KENNY TOLD ME LATER
THAT HE AND HIS NEW FRIEND...
SPENT A LOVELY WEEKEND TOGETHER
IN WINE COUNTRY.
I WAS JUST GLAD TO HEAR
BRUCE WAS NO LONGER
IN THE PICTURE.
AND NOW THAT I HAD
MY MONEY BACK,
I WAS ABLE TO GIVE RANDY
20 BUCKS TO ROUND OUT
HIS HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE.
"PARTICIPANT." NICE.
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR JOY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
THAT'S THE BEST PART
OF THE WHOLE STORY.
I'M SO EXCITED!
SNIFF THIS.
WE'RE GONNA BE RICH.
[ Laughing ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Crashing ]
[ Angry Grunting ]
HOW AM I GONNA GET THE CAR
OUT RIGHT NOW?
DARNELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO GET THE CAR OUT?
[ Earl Narrating ]
KARMA. YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.
WHO DOES NOTHING
BUT BAD THINGS...
AND THEN WONDERS WHY
HIS LIFE SUCKS?
WELL, THAT WAS ME.
EVERY TIME SOMETHIN' GOOD
HAPPENED TO ME,
SOMETHIN' BAD
WAS ALWAYS WAITIN'
AROUND THE CORNER.
KARMA.
THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
I HAD TO CHANGE.
SO I MADE A LIST
OF EVERYTHING BAD
I'VE EVER DONE,
AND, ONE BY ONE,
I'M GONNA MAKE UP
FOR ALL MY MISTAKES.
I'M JUST TRYIN'
TO BE A BETTER PERSON.
MY NAME IS EARL.
[ Earl Narrating ]
EVER SINCE MY DIVORCE, WINNING
$100,000 IN THE LOTTERY...
AND DISCOVERING
THE CONCEPT OF KARMA,
I FEEL GREAT.
[ Beeping ]
AND THE MORE BAD THINGS
I CROSS OFF MY LIST,
THE MORE KARMA REWARDS ME.
CLEAN LIVIN'.
RANDY, THERE'S SOMETHING
TO BE SAID ABOUT WAKING UP...
AND FEELING
LIKE A GOOD PERSON.
"U-R AN ASS."
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
JOY.
WELL, IT WASN'T ME,
ALTHOUGH I DO AGREE
WITH YOUR CAR--
YOU ARE AN ASS.
- [ Kids Laughing ]
- UM, JOY?
FINE! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
CALL THE POLICE?
PLEASE DO. I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
WITH THEM WHERE YOU AND YOUR
BROTHER GOT THAT REFRIGERATOR.
HOLD IT. DON'T CALL THE POLICE.
THEY STILL GOT MY PICTURE UP
OVER AT THE CIRCUIT CITY.
LOOK, JUST LEAVE
MY STUFF ALONE, OKAY?
HOW 'BOUT YOU GIVE ME
HALF THAT LOTTO MONEY, AND THEN
MAYBE I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE?
YOU KNOW I NEED
THAT MONEY SO I CAN MAKE UP
FOR THE THINGS ON MY LIST.
YOU AND YOUR STUPID LIST.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR KIDS?
YOU HAVE A FAMILY
TO SUPPORT.
- THOSE AREN'T MY KIDS, JOY.
- THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
THEY HAVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED
TO A CERTAIN QUALITY
OF LIFESTYLE...
THAT YOU PROVIDED FOR 'EM
WITH ALL YOUR CROOKERY.
I TRIED TO GET THEIR NEW DADDY
TO FILL YOUR SHOES, BUT DARNELL
IS NOT CUT OUT FOR CRIME.
[ Video Game Beeping ]
[ Gasps ]
I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T OF DID THAT.
THAT'S OKAY.
ARE YOU HUNGRY?
I THINK I HAVE
A LITTLE CANDY BAR IN HERE.
YOU WANT A LITTLE CANDY BAR?
WHERE'S MY GRANDFATHER'S
CUCKOO CLOCK?
- I PAWNED IT.
- WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU THINK,
CIGARETTES GROW ON TREES?
[ Earl Narrating ]
EXCEPT FOR SCOLIOSIS,
THE ONLY THING MY GRANDFATHER
PASSED DOWN TO ME
WAS THAT CUCKOO CLOCK.
AND I COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT
OF MY FAMILY'S ONLY HEIRLOOM
SITTIN' IN A PAWNSHOP.
YOU SURE YOU WANNA GET
GRANDPA'S CUCKOO CLOCK BACK?
THAT THING
ALMOST PUT MY EYE OUT.
WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE.
YOU KNEW WHAT TIME IT WAS.
HOW MUCH IS IT GONNA COST?
THAT'S AN AWFUL LOT
OF VENDING MACHINE DOUGHNUTS
YOU'RE HOLDING THERE.
I'M GETTIN'
AN EXTRA HUNDRED
FOR ROSIE.
AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE,
I MIGHT AS WELL CROSS
NUMBER 58 OFF MY LIST--
FIXED A HIGH SCHOOL
FOOTBALL GAME.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
HUT!
[ Earl Narrating ]
AFTER SITTING ON THE BENCH
ALL YEAR,
THE COACH TOLD RANDY
HE WAS FINALLY GONNA
GET A CHANCE TO PLAY.
I SAW THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY
TO MAKE A BET WITH ROSIE,
OUR LOCAL BOOKIE
AND PAWNSHOP OWNER.
I BET A HUNDRED DOLLARS
ON RANDY'S TEAM... TO LOSE.
GOOD LUCK.
OF COURSE
I DIDN'T NEED LUCK.
I HAD RANDY.
2-16! HUT!
[ Crowd Booing ]
[ Crowd Groaning ]
HUT!
[ Man ]
AH, YOU FOOL!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[ Jeering ]
GET OUT OF HERE!
GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BUM!
I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE ROSIE'S FACE
WHEN I PAY HER BACK.
YOU DISGUST ME, EARL HICKEY.
FIXIN' A GAME.
I SHOULD PULL YOU THROUGH
THIS TALKIN' HOLE AND STOMP ON
YOUR SWEATY LITTLE TEA BAG.
WHAT'S UP, ROSIE?
HOW YOU BEEN?
YOU HAD ONE CHANCE
TO FEEL WHAT IT WAS LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN,
AND YA THREW IT ALL AWAY
JUST BECAUSE YOUR WORTHLESS
BROTHER ASKED YOU TO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
THAT WAS TRUE.
[ Whistle Blows ]
HUT!
[ Man ]
RUN! RUN!
BLOCK HIM!
[ Groaning ]
[ Earl Narrating ] MAYBE I
DIDN'T JUST CHEAT THE BOOKIE.
MAYBE I CHEATED RANDY TOO.
I TOOK AWAY HIS ONE CHANCE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
RANDY, DO YOU
REGRET THE FACT THAT YOU
NEVER GOT TO FEEL...
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?
UH, I GUESS
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL
TO GET LIFTED UP BY PEOPLE.
I NEVER BEEN
LIFTED UP BEFORE.
IT LOOKS FUN.
I THINK I HAVE TO PUT YOU
ON MY LIST, RANDY.
I TOOK AWAY YOUR TOUCHDOWN.
I GOTTA GIVE IT BACK.
HOW IN THE WORLD
ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?
THIS MAY SOUND CRAZY,
BUT I-I THINK YOU HAVE TO
GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL.
[ Cuckooing ]
THAT WAS WEIRD.
[ Earl Narrating ] I NEEDED
TO GET RANDY A FAKE BIRTH
CERTIFICATE FOR HIGH SCHOOL.
LUCKILY,
THAT HOMOSEXUAL FELLOW I KNOW
WORKS AT A COPY PLACE.
THANKS FOR DOING THIS,
KENNY.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME
OUT OF THE CLOSET.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE
WERE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE ME.
I'VE WORKED WITH BRUCE
FOR YEARS AND DIDN'T KNOW.
OH, YES, YOU WILL COLLATE!
HERE YOU GO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE
LOOKED GREAT.
ALL WE NEEDED WAS A FAKE FATHER
TO SIGN THE PAPERWORK,
AND WE WERE IN.
TRANSFER STUDENT, HUH?
[ Synthesized Voice ]
I TRAVEL A LOT FOR WORK.
[ Earl Narrating ]
WITH FOOTBALL SEASON
ALMOST OVER,
I WANTED TO MAKE SURE RANDY
GOT A CHANCE TO PLAY,
SO I PICKED THE SCHOOL
WITH THE WORST TEAM
IN THE LEAGUE.
[ Inhaler Squirting ]
HOW WAS YOUR
FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL?
GREAT. I REALLY ENJOYED
SCIENCE CLASS.
DID YOU KNOW
THAT BEFORE WE WERE HUMANS,
WE WERE MONKEYS?
REALLY? WHAT WERE WE
BEFORE MONKEYS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER
BEING A MONKEY.
WHERE'S MY CAR?
WHAT?
I PARKED MY CAR
RIGHT HERE.
SOMEONE STOLE MY CAR.
MY MONEY. MY MONEY
WAS IN THE CAR. RANDY,
MY MONEY WAS IN THE CAR.
WHO'D WANNA
STEAL YOUR CAR?
IT'S A PIECE OF CRAP
WITH "ASSTRONAUT"
PAINTED ON THE SIDE.
JOY.
- WHERE IS IT, JOY?
- WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE GUYS
DOWN AT IMPOUND?
YOU HAD MY CAR TOWED?
YUP. MAYBE IF YOU GAVE ME
SOME OF THAT LOTTO MONEY,
I'D FIND BETTER THINGS TO DO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
IT WAS AT THAT POINT
I REALIZED JOY HAD NO IDEA...
THAT MY MONEY
WAS ACTUALLY IN THE CAR.
HEY, EARL. JOY HAD NO IDEA
THAT YOUR LOTTO MONEY
WAS IN YOUR CAR.
OW! OH!
[ Hisses ]
I BUSTED OPEN
MY RUG BURN.
[ Earl Narrating ]
JOY'S FALL BOUGHT US
A LITTLE TIME,
BUT GETTING THE CAR
WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
IT SEEMS I OWED SOME MONEY
ON UNPAID PARKING TICKETS.
$3,000?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
[ Earl Narrating ]
I KNEW I COULD PAY HIM IF I
COULD JUST GET TO THE CAR,
BUT THESE AREN'T THE KIND
OF GUYS YOU WANNA LET KNOW YOU
HAVE CHANGE IN YOUR ASHTRAY,
MUCH LESS $100,000
UNDER YOUR FRONT SEAT.
WHAT'S UP
WITH THE FOOTBALL?
I PLAY FOR NORTHWESTERN HIGH.
I'M GONNA SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
NORTHWESTERN HIGH?
WHAT ARE YOU,
IN THE 17th GRADE?
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I'M HERE TO PICK UP MY CAR.
NOPE! IT'S NOT HER CAR.
THAT'S MY CAR.
MY NAME'S ON THE TITLE TOO.
I DON'T GIVE
A RAT'S ASPIRIN BOTTLE
WHOSE DAMN CAR IT IS.
I'M GONNA GIVE IT
TO WHOEVER GIVES ME $3,000.
SIR, CAN I HAVE
THIS MAGAZINE
FOR A COLLAGE?
ONE OF THE CHEERLEADERS
WAS OUT SICK TODAY,
AND WE'RE GONNA
DECORATE HER LOCKER.
[ Earl Narrating ]
I KNEW NEITHER JOY OR I
WOULD BE ABLE...
TO COME UP WITH $3,000
WITHOUT SELLING A KIDNEY,
SO I CONCENTRATED MY EFFORTS
ON SOMEHOW GETTING TO THE CAR.
I DON'T KNOW, EARL.
MAYBE WE SHOULD THINK
OF ANOTHER WAY. I MEAN,
ELECTRICITY HURTS.
I USED TO SNEAK MY CAR OUT
OF HERE ALL THE TIME. THEY ONLY
TURN THIS THING ON AT NIGHT.
SEE?
COME ON.
LET'S GET THAT MONEY.
WAIT FOR IT.
- NOW.
- [ Screams ]
[ Thudding ]
[ Earl Narrating ] WHILE I WAS
BUSY TRYING TO GET TO MY CAR,
JOY WAS TRYING
TO GET A LOAN FOR $3,000.
HEY, BABY.
DARNELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN HERE?
I TOLD YOU
TO WAIT IN THE CAR.
IT'S HOT OUT THERE.
BABY, I'M TRYING TO GET
A LOAN HERE, OKAY?
LOOK, YOU KNOW
I DON'T SEE COLOR,
BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE NEVER
GONNA GIVE ME $3,000...
IF THEY SEE ME HERE
WITH A BLACK MAN, OKAY?
DARNELL, IT'S NOT ME!
IT'S AMERICA.
I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.
SO, THEY TELL ME YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR A LOAN.
YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE CAR.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE REALLY ONLY NEED THE MONEY
FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR OR TWO.
[ Whispers ]
SAY SOMETHIN' BLACK.
[ Earl Narrating ] JOY DIDN'T
REALIZE THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOU'RE BLACK OR WHITE.
YOU CAN'T BORROW MONEY
AGAINST A RENTED
1972 TRAILER...
WITH A DOCUMENTED
CARBON MONOXIDE LEAK.
I'M SORRY.
- NICE PULL, BROTHER.
- RIGHT ON.
HEY, EARL?
I NEED $20 TO ENTER
THE SCIENCE FAIR.
RANDY, ALL MY MONEY'S
IN THE CAR.
BESIDES,
YOU'RE GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN,
NOT DECORATE LOCKERS
AND ENTER THE SCIENCE FAIR.
COME ON.
IT'S ONLY $20.
HE'S ALREADY GROWING
HIS POTATO.
JUST PUT THE BOOKS DOWN
AND HELP ME THINK.
IF WE DON'T FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO BREAK INTO THE IMPOUND YARD
AND GET MY MONEY,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
EAT THAT POTATO.
OH, HEY, EARL.
HOW ABOUT THIS?
IT'S CALLED
A TROJAN HORSE.
[ Earl Narrating ] AND THERE
IT WAS-- A GREAT IDEA THAT WE
NEVER WOULD HAVE FOUND...
IF I HADN'T MADE RANDY
GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL.
KARMA STRIKES AGAIN.
[ Earl Narrating ]
INSTEAD OF A WOODEN HORSE,
I WAS GONNA USE A CAR.
I CALLED THE ONLY GUY
I KNEW THAT HAD ONE THAT
ACTUALLY WORKED-- KENNY.
I'LL JUST HIDE IN THE TRUNK,
AND YOU PARK THE CAR
IN FRONT OF A HYDRANT.
ONCE I'M TOWED
INTO THE IMPOUND,
I'LL HOP OUT, GET MY MONEY,
HEAD ON OVER TO
THE HIGH SCHOOL AND WATCH
RANDY SCORE A TOUCHDOWN.
SOUNDS LIKE
A SOLID PLAN, EARL.
[ Earl Narrating ]
KENNY'S A GOOD GUY,
BUT, TO BE HONEST,
HIS FRIEND MADE ME
A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.
THIS IS SO EXCITING!
LET ME JUST
GET IN THE CAR.
DAMN. I'M TOO BIG.
- I'LL DO IT.
- REALLY?
AFTER EVERYTHING
YOU'VE DONE FOR ME,
IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
WOW. THANKS, KENNY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN FIT
IN THE TRUNK?
I'VE SEEN HIM FIT
INTO A TRUNK.
[ Giggling ]
STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT.
YOU STOP IT!
YOU STOP IT!
YOU STOP IT!
WHY DON'T WE ALL STOP IT, OKAY?
LET'S SHUT DOWN THE HORSEPLAY.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
ONCE THE CAR IS IN THE IMPOUND,
HOP OUT, GET MY MONEY...
AND MEET ME
AT THE FOOTBALL GAME.
[ Earl Narrating ]
WHILE I WAS TRYING
TO GET THE CAR,
RANDY WAS GETTING PSYCHED.
ARE YOU READY?
I'M READY.
ARE YOU READY?
I'M READY. YOU READY?
I'M READY!
ARE YOU READY?
OW.
[ Whimpers ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
WHILE RANDY WAS
GETTING PSYCHED,
JOY WAS STILL TRYING TO
GET HER HANDS ON $3,000.
I SOLD ALMOST EVERYTHING WE OWN,
AND ALL I GOT WAS $1,500.
- THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.
- I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GONNA
GET ALL THIS MONEY FROM.
WATCH MY BACK.
[ Mouthing Words ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR MY PLAN, THE TROJAN
HORSE WAS ON ITS WAY.
ONLY, INSTEAD OF A HORSE STUFFED
WITH A BUNCH OF GREEKS,
WE HAD A LE CAR STUFFED
WITH ONE TINY GAY.
WHICH MEANT I WAS FREE
TO ENJOY THE GAME.
AND I WANTED RANDY
TO HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT,
SO CATALINA CAME TOO.
I EVEN INVITED
HIS FAKE DAD.
[ Synthesized Voice ]
PUSH 'EM BACK.
PUSH 'EM BACK. WAY BACK!
YOU CAN STOP NOW.
STUPID GUY
AT THE RECYCLE CENTER ONLY
GAVE ME EIGHT DOLLARS...
FOR THAT WHOLE CART
FULL OF CANS.
- WE'LL NEVER MAKE
ENOUGH MONEY THIS WAY.
- YOU THINK?
THESE CANS ARE
JUST TOO DAMN SMALL.
THEY PAY BY THE POUND.
WE NEED HEAVIER CANS.
HEY, WHAT IS THIS THINGY
MADE OUT OF?
[ Grunts, Groans ]
[ Earl Narrating ] RANDY WAS
HAVING MORE TROUBLE ON THE FIELD
THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED.
I THINK ALL THOSE YEARS
OF SLEEPING ALL DAY
AND DRINKING ALL NIGHT...
HAD CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.
HE LOOKS WOBBLY.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, RANDY!
YOU CAN DO THIS!
I NEED YOU TO SCORE, BUDDY.
WHERE THE HELL IS KENNY?
[ Barking, Snarling ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
UNFORTUNATELY FOR KENNY--
[ Gasps ] HELP!
THE AFTERSHAVE HE WAS WEARING
ATTRACTED DOBERMANS.
HELP!
[ Announcer ] WITH 12 SECONDS
LEFT ON THE CLOCK HERE
IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,
BESIDE THIS RUN,
THE ROCKETS--
THIS IS HIS LAST CHANCE
TO SCORE.
GIVE ME THE BALL.
I'LL GET IT IN THE END ZONE.
I HAVE TO. READY?
[ All ]
BREAK!
COME ON, RANDY!
ON THREE. HUT, HUT! GO!
[ Crowd Groaning ]
[ Horn Blows ]
[ Man Shouting ]
[ Man ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[ Earl Narrating ]
I FELT HORRIBLE.
I HAD SET RANDY UP TO FAIL.
I FELT LIKE I TOOK AWAY
HIS TOUCHDOWN ALL OVER AGAIN.
I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO UPSET,
HE WALKED HOME.
[ Horn Honking ]
HEY, EARL HICKEY!
I RAISED THE $3,000.
WHERE'S YOUR KARMA NOW, DUMMY?
- HEY, EARL.
- HEY, CRAB MAN.
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Earl Narrating ] I KNEW AS
SOON AS JOY GOT TO THAT IMPOUND
YARD, MY LIFE WOULD BE RUINED.
WITHOUT MY HUNDRED GRAND,
I'D HAVE TO GET A JOB,
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TIME
TO CROSS THINGS OFF MY LIST.
SO, I STARTED RUNNING.
AND I RAN
AS FAST AS I COULD...
FOR AS LONG AS I COULD.
BUT EVENTUALLY, ALL THOSE YEARS
OF SLEEPING ALL DAY
AND DRINKING ALL NIGHT...
CAUGHT UP WITH ME.
THE MEN IN YOUR FAMILY
DON'T WORK OUT A LOT,
DO THEY?
WE NEVER GOT CAUGHT UP
IN THE WHOLE PHYSICAL
FITNESS CRAZE, NO.
[ Earl Narrating ]
IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT JOY WAS
ON HER WAY TO STEAL MY MONEY,
BUT I WAS ALSO STARTING TO
REGRET WEARING FLANNEL BOXERS
ON SUCH A HOT DAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL
MY MONEY'S GONNA BE GONE.
MY LIFE IS OVER.
WHERE I GREW UP,
WE HAVE THESE THINGS
CALLED BANKS.
[ Horn Honking ]
YOU TWO NEED A RIDE?
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
HOW'D YOU GET MY CAR?
I PAID THE $3,000
TO GET IT OUT.
WHAT? HOW?
I FIXED THE GAME AGAIN.
I FUMBLED THAT BALL
ON PURPOSE.
AND THIS TIME, INSTEAD OF
BETTING A HUNDRED DOLLARS,
I BET 3,000.
SO YOU WERE JUST FAKING IT
WHEN YOU LOOKED SO TIRED
ON THE FIELD?
NO, THAT WAS REAL.
I THREW UP FOUR TIMES.
WAIT. WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME ABOUT THIS?
'CAUSE I KNEW
YOU AND YOUR KARMA LIST
WOULDN'T LET ME DO IT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AREN'T YOU HAPPY?
NO, I'M HAPPY.
I'M HAPPY I GOT THE MONEY BACK,
BUT I DID IT AGAIN.
I FORCED HIM TO GIVE UP
HIS TOUCHDOWN. I CAN'T
CROSS IT OFF THE LIST.
EARL, YOU DIDN'T
MAKE ME DO THIS.
I DID IT BECAUSE
YOU'RE MY BROTHER
AND I WANTED TO.
I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
BUT DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
TO SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S ABOUT
THE SAME FEELING I GOT...
WHEN I DROVE UP AND SAW
THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING LEFT TO DO.
CATALINA.
[ Chuckling ]
WHOO-HOO!
PUT ME DOWN.
I DON'T LIKE IT!
I DON'T LIKE IT!
[ Earl Narrating ]
FIRST THING WE DID THE NEXT DAY
WAS PAY ROSIE BACK...
THE THREE GRAND WE WON
BY FIXING THE GAME.
NEEDLESS TO SAY,
SHE WASN'T TOO HAPPY ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE PATHETIC,
EARL HICKEY!
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR KENNY,
HE EVENTUALLY
MADE ENOUGH NOISE THAT SOMEONE
CAME AND RESCUED HIM.
AS IT TURNED OUT,
HIS DRAKKAR NOIR ATTRACTED
MORE THAN JUST THE DOGS.
KENNY TOLD ME LATER
THAT HE AND HIS NEW FRIEND...
SPENT A LOVELY WEEKEND TOGETHER
IN WINE COUNTRY.
I WAS JUST GLAD TO HEAR
BRUCE WAS NO LONGER
IN THE PICTURE.
AND NOW THAT I HAD
MY MONEY BACK,
I WAS ABLE TO GIVE RANDY
20 BUCKS TO ROUND OUT
HIS HIGH SCHOOL EXPERIENCE.
"PARTICIPANT." NICE.
[ Earl Narrating ]
AS FOR JOY,
WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?
THAT'S THE BEST PART
OF THE WHOLE STORY.
I'M SO EXCITED!
SNIFF THIS.
WE'RE GONNA BE RICH.
[ Laughing ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Crashing ]
[ Angry Grunting ]
HOW AM I GONNA GET THE CAR
OUT RIGHT NOW?
DARNELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO GET THE CAR OUT?
[ Earl Narrating ]
KARMA. YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.