Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 8 - And the Whiner Is... - full transcript

Jim what are you doing.

Working on my material for the Humboldt awards dinner.

They've asked me to emcee this year.

You know sometimes I just crack myself up.

Gee the humboldts. Aren't the nominations due soon?

They're out today Murph.

I know this because when I woke up this morning
I had this strange feeling of impending doom.

Then I realized oh yeah it's Humboldt day.

For the ninth year in a row I'll be nominated then
for the ninth year in a row I'll lose to Murphy's.

Oh what does it matter Frank.

It must be such a thrill just to be nominated.



May I have the envelope please.

Gee Miles, what have you got there.

I hold in my hand the 1989 Humboldt
Award nominations in a sealed envelope

which was delivered to me by
bonded messenger only moments ago.

I am now opening the envelope.

I am now removing the list of nominations.

I will now read the list.

But before I do I just want to say that
no matter what happens you're all winners.

Each one success belongs to all because
we're the kind of well-oiled machine.

You just get it done Miles, some of us have jobs.

Okay, spot reporting, do we care about that.

I don't think so.

Meteorology, I didn't even know they had a category.

Sports, who cares?



Miles, just read the list.

Outstanding broadcast news reporting.

Dan Rob the student uprising in
Tiananmen Square, big surprise.

Mike Wallace, sad day for the FBi.

What somebody lost the keys to the Plymouth.

Oh Murphy Brown for Jesse Jackson
the man behind the rainbow.

Oh, Murphy! congratulations.

Oh again Frank Fontana the Exxon Valdez journey to disaster.

Have a chance to be humiliated at a formal dinner.

I'm still happy.

Oh I hate this you know I'm not
going to be Awards this year.

You got to wear a tux.

You got to get a date

If you win, she expects you to be great.

If you lose, it's a pity thing.

I'll be your date.

Frank come on you gotta go.

Guys why don't we all go out for lunch together it'll be
our own way of celebrating, as a matter of fact I'll buy.

Your own.

Well guys guys there's one more nomination.

It's Corky sherwood a woman's touch at west point.

Oh, my god! i can't believe it! can you believe it?

No, i don't.

No, i can't.

This is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me.

I never expected it.

Even though i was hoping, i thought my looks would be a burden
i'd have to shoulder for the rest of my professional life.

Oh, Murphy, Murphy, Murphy! i really want to win.

I know you're not supposed to say that but i really do.

Not that i want you to lose, Murphy or
you either, Frank, but you're used to it.

Oh, i don't know what i'm saying.

I can't sleep for the next two weeks. i can't work today.

I'm going to have to call my mother.

I'm not saying this tuxedo was old but I found a ticket stub in
the pocket for the Ford's Theater production of our American cousin.

God, he's telling another story.

What am I doing here.

Unless there's something in me that craves humiliation.

Everybody's looking at me and I could
tell you exactly what they're thinking.

He's a loser a masochist nine years and
he still shows up that poor pathetic idiot.

Frank if you don't shut up I'm gonna slap you.

Go ahead I'd probably like it.

So I said to the Pater I know your route to magicians
but I won't pay extra to have the rabbit clean.

Is this on.

Anyway I'm with the awards.

Ladies and gentlemen.

The nominations for this year's ever Humboldt award
for outstanding achievement in broadcast news reporting.

Okay everybody this is it no matter who
wins I want you to remember one thing.

Say my name you only have to
mention it once that's all I ask.

Okay the nominees are.

Mike Wallace for a sad day for the FBi.

Murphy Brown for Jesse Jackson the man behind the rainbow.

Dan Rob for the changing face of China
the student uprising in Tiananmen Square.

Frank Fontana the Exxon Valdez journey to disaster.

And Corky Sherwood for a woman's touch at West Point.

And the winner is Corky Sherwood.

Gee, Corky won.

How great for her.

Oh my god thank you.

I don't believe it.

My heart is beating a mile a minute.

I won!

I have so many people to thank.

My teachers, my friends, my
parents edward and bootsy sherwood.

But most of all I have to thank the people of fYi.

Frank fontana, jim dial, john, scott, ernie, carl, our crew.

Earl in the mail room, the man who brings us donuts.

In the morning...

I hope I'm not forgetting anybody.

But mostly I want to thank Murphy Brown.

The very first time I saw Murphy on Tv.

I couldn't have been more than I don't know eight or nine,

but i said to myself, When I grow
up I want to be just like her.

And now I am.

Murphy you're an oak tree
weathered by time yet still strong.

Spreading your old branches to give shelter
to the new life springing up at your roots.

I thank you Murphy and take the torch you passed me.

I won!

Dadda Dadda Dadda.

Here it is!

Isn't it beautiful?

I'm going to put it right in the middle
of the table for all of us to enjoy.

After all.

It's not just mine it belongs to all of us.

Hands off Frank.

I just polished it.

Meeting Miles meeting meeting meeting.

I've got an idea.

Why don't we get down to business.

Now Murphy about the Brady Bill
which is up before Congress again.

Right now as you know the bill supports a national
seven-day waiting period before purchase of a firearm.

The outcome will affect everyone
I think it should be our top story.

Sounds good Murphy.

I have a great idea. why don't give it to Corky.

Frank what do you have.

Excuse me Miles.

Murphy Frank's talking.

Miles I have done an enormous
amount of research on the Brady Bill.

Research I spent many many months collecting.

And I'm guessing that you'd like me
to go into your office with you now.

And look at all of it.

That's right.

I thought you'd want that.

I thought it all morning.

In the shower.

During breakfast.

On the drive over here.

When i stopped at the store to buy tums...

Okay Miles you got five seconds to tell
me why you're giving the top story to Corky

or I'm getting out my rubber bands and
paperclips and straightening your teeth.

Look Corky just won a very prestigious award.

Now the spotlights on her.

And the network wants to use the
Humboldt to hype this week's show.

I hate this.

I know Murphy look it's just one story.

Let her spread her wings by this time next week all this
Humboldt stuff will be over and life will get back to normal.

Dingdong.

I'm sorry to interrupt but are
you going to be very long, Miles.

If you want me to do the lead story next week.

I'm going to have to meet with you in my office.

Of course there's not very much room in there.

Especially with all my flowers and gifts.

And now this.

You know I'm just noticing something.

My office is a lot smaller than Murphy's.

My furniture.

We really need to talk.

John, have you seen my agent?

He said he was flying in for the show tonight.

Nope, haven't seen him.

So, Corky, what did you decide?

Two door four door.

I could see you in a convertible.

What are you talking about Frank?

The car.

That the show gives you when you win the Humboldt.

That's how Murphy got her car now that you won a Humboldt.

Oh man nobody's talked to you yet have they.

No.

I feel terrible maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

I'm sure it's just an oversight.

Guys, my earpiece is dead. I'm gonna need another one.

Tell them no deal.

They include expenses or we walk.

What are we running a charity.

This is my little Corky Oh.

Ah how are you sweetheart.

Oh okay I guess.

They won't let me keep my award on the desk
during the show because it blocks Frank.

That's so petty.

Excuse me.

May i help you?

Yeah kid yeah be a sport run
downstairs give me a cup of coffee.

The leaded kind, none of that wimpy decaf.

I think there's been a mistake.

I'm Miles silverberg, executive producer of fYi.

No, am i embarrassed.

We've talked on the phone.

Al floss.

Great to meet you.

Children.

Children are running this business. babies.

Al floss. i'm a big fan.

Al floss.

Al floss.

I know, you're my agent too, remember?

Places.

People. three minutes to air.

Miles, my earpiece.

Right.

Miles, over here.

Who am I to tell you how to do
your job but take a look at the set.

Do you know what I'm seeing.

What are you seeing.

You've got Blondie's at both ends.

They look like bookends.

You could put Frank in Corky's seat.

Murphy over there and then put Corky in Murphy's chair.

Try it see how they play.

These things I can see yeah.

There's only two minutes left the air.

I don't have time to change it all around.

Now oh sure I understand.

What they can't get up walk three steps around.

Never watch the show being taped in the booth.

It's fascinating go through that door.

I'm backing up I'm mighty away.

I can see how you got where you are.

You are a smart kid so you know your time here is limited.

Believe me I know one day you're
talking to London on your car phone

and the next day you are refilling the salad bar at Denny's.

Things change like that, why.

Because your star isn't happy.

Hey there's no ice in my water.

Ice for miss sherwood!

Ice for miss sherwood!

Ice for miss sherwood!

Ice for miss sherwood!

Guys, don't worry about my earpiece.

It's not like i need it.

When it's my turn to talk, just have jim smack me.

How am I supposed to do the lead story with
a copy like this I don't even understand it.

Semi-automatic
weapons uzis, ak-47s...

It's too complicated.

Just say big guns.

That's all.

Big, loud guns!

Hi, Corky.

Does it look like i have time to chat?!

So Corky how's the story going.

Oh just fine what I've got is a
lot of footage of overweight men.

In plaid shirts and elmer fudd hats shooting things.

Ah then let me ask you this.

Would you like a little extra help, you know, maybe

another one of the anchors, somebody
help you pull it all together.

Just what are you saying Miles.

Are you saying that I can't handle the lead story.

Is that what you're saying.

Well I'll tell you something.

Even if I have to stay in that editing room all night.

I am going to do the greatest lead
story you ever saw you just wait.

Antigua.

I don't speak Spanish Frank.

What do you want.

Oh I was just gonna say that if it were up
to me I would pick Antigua, for your trip

What trip?

oh-ho-hoo. Me and
my big mouth again.

Someone get my agent on the phone!

Oh god Jim what am I gonna do.

She's obviously in way over her head.

I was thinking maybe I'd ask Murphy to help Corky out.

I'd say that idea falls somewhere between
very brave and unbelievably stupid.

Hey there Murphy.

You still mad at me.

Mmm-hmm mad at you till the end of time.

Gee end of time.

That's pretty mad.

Well it's not that I blame you.

But you know my back was against the wall on this.

What do you want.

I need your help Murphy.

I know I insulted you.

I was short-sighted.

Insensitive.

I'm sure I'll ever be able to make it up to you.

I'm gonna try Murphy.

And I'm gonna hold on to the hope that you'll be able to
see past your differences with me and do the right thing.

And that's to help Corky out of this Jam.

You?d do it for the show Murphy.

Will you do it.

No.

Okay.

Murphy if this is your decision.

Then I'm just going to have to.

You're going to have to do what.

What are you going to do Miles.

I'd rather not frighten you unnecessarily.

Smiley's my makeup.

I wear since my breakup with you.

Baby baby baby take a good look at my face.

You'll see my smile looks out of place.

If you look closer it's easy to trace.

The tracks of my tears.

What's with the hood ornaments?

They're awards, eldin.

And this is just the b list.

You know how many I have.

So many I ran out of shelf space.

You know there's a story behind each one of these.

Oh gotta go.

Don't worry, eldin.

I won't bore you with the small
details of my past victories.

Do you know why.

Because its history eldin.

It's forgotten.

All anyone's thinking about now is that I'm a loser.

A loser.

Loser.

I'll get it.

It's probably many handsome men wanting to be with you.

Oh it's you.

I must look terrible.

Where's Murphy?

Murphy I know I should have called.

I didn't mean to barge in on you but I need to talk.

Can i offer refreshments while we visit?

I said I need to talk to Murphy.

Just leave us alone eldin!

Do you know that's the first time you said my name.

She knows my name.

And a thousand violins begin to play.

Gee Corky have you done something different with your hair.

I just spent eight hours watching
film clips of senators and congressmen

talking and talking and their lips kept
moving and their voices were echoing

until they just blurred into one very
big man who look like mr. potato head!

Oh I can't breathe Murphy.

I don't think I'm breathing.

Sure you are.

Well see you tomorrow.

But what am I going to do.

Everyone's going to turn on FYI

To see what the humboldt winner's done next.

And they're going to see this.

You've gotta help me Murphy.

Ah gee Corky I'm afraid I'm pretty busy with my own story.

Please, Murphy, please, please!

Please.

Corky, come on.

You're sweating.

I wish i'd never won that stupid award.

Come on, Corky.

Come on, come on.

I told you that award is nothing but a hunk of glass.

Well, maybe to you.

But it means something to me.

I really wanted it, Murphy.

I thought it would mean I was good.

I guess someone as successful as you.

Wouldn't know what i'm talking about.

Maybe i do.

Maybe I know how easy it is to kill an afternoon replaying
in your head the moment when your name was called.

And now you put the award in a special place.

Where it's the first thing you see in
the morning and the last thing at night.

You have it in your purse don't you.

No.

Listen to me Corky.

The first step is admission.

You can't carry it around with you forever.

Now come on give me the Humboldt.

Give it to me.

I can't.

It's a crutch Corky.

Get the monkey off your back.

Realize that doing your best work is the true reward.

Now come on.

We'll just take this one day at a time.

I'll hold this for you till you show me you can handle it.

Now why don't you go home and get cleaned up.

I'll meet you at the office in half an hour.

You mean you're going to help me.

I'm gonna help you.

Oh, Murphy, thank you.

You know...

For a while there, i thought i finally made it.

I've caught up with Murphy.

Boy was I wrong.

But I'm gaining on you.