Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 2 - Anchors Away - full transcript

.

WELL...

YOU MUST BE MY NEW SECRETARY.

HI, I'M MURPHY BROWN.

HELLO.

PATRICIA GRUNWALD.

LET ME JUST GET RIGHT TO THE POINT, PATRICIA.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INSTITUTIONALIZED?

OH, GOODNESS GRACIOUS, NO.

I SORTED YOUR MAIL. I ADJUSTED THE TEMPERATURE IN YOUR OFFICE

AND TOLD OFFICE SERVICES AND TOLD THEM



TO FIX YOUR TYPEWRITER WITHIN THE HOUR OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

THIS IS GREAT.

WELCOME ABOARD, PATRICIA.

BE SURE AND WRITE YOUR BIRTHDAY ON MY DESK CALENDAR.

YOU'RE ABOUT A SIZE SIX, RIGHT?

MORNING, MURPHY.

COME JOIN THE OTHERS.

I HAVE A BIT OF NEWS.

FRANK, CORKY, YOU'LL WANT TO HEAR THIS.

WHAT'S UP, JIM?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I'M GOING ON ASSIGNMENT.

ASSIGNMENT? WOW!

IT'S VERY EXCITING.



THE BRASS CALLED

ASKED ME TO GO COVER LIBYA, WHAT WITH THE RECENT EVENTS.

GEE, JIM, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON ASSIGNMENT SINCE...

WHEN WAS YOUR LAST ASSIGNMENT?

JUNE, 1973.

TO THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN.

WE WERE IN THE THICK OF WATERGATE.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THOSE CLEAR NIGHTS

WITH ONLY THE GENTLE HUM OF THE PAPER SHREDDERS

MARRING THE PRISTINE SILENCE.

GOD, I'VE MISSED IT.

WELCOME BACK TO THE FRATERNITY!

A LITTLE ACTION, DANGER

LIFE ON THE ROAD.

YOU WILD MAN!

GET MARRIED, FRANK.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

I'LL KEEP THE OLD ANCHOR CHAIR WARM FOR YOU.

I'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

CHECK IN WITH MY PRODUCER AND CREW.

WE'RE LEAVING AT MIDNIGHT.

TONIGHT? THAT DOESN'T LEAVE US MUCH TIME.

I BETTER CALL PHIL.

MAKE IT 7:00. I'LL TELL EVERYONE.

HEY, NOW, NO NEED TO MAKE A FUSS.

WHAT THE HELL, MAKE A FUSS.

WHAT'S EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT?

OUR TRADITIONAL WAR ZONE SEND-OFF PARTY.

LAST CHANCE TO BLOW OFF STEAM. YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY YOUR CRONIES TELLING OLD STORIES

TILL YOU STAGGER OUT INTO THE MORNING SUN

WITH THE SMELL OF CIGAR SMOKE IN YOUR HAIR

AND STALE BEER ON YOUR CLOTHES.

THAT'S YOUR IDEA OF A PARTY?

MAYBE AT THE END OF THE NIGHT

WE CAN ALL SNAP EACH OTHER WITH TOWELS.

I LIKE IT.

LET'S GET CRACKING.

WE'VE GOT PLANS TO MAKE.

LET ME HELP.

I'LL CALL THE FLORIST.

LUCKILY, THE FALL ANNUALS ARE IN.

GOOD MORNING.

HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

THAT'S RIGHT, I'M BAMBI YOUR SPECIAL TELEPHONE FRIEND.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

OOH, GRRR. HI, JEFF.

ARE YOU READY TO ENJOY A DEEP AND UNBRIDLED ECSTASY

THAT EXPLODES BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS?

GOOD, BECAUSE AS SOON AS I GET YOUR VISA OR MASTERCARD NUMBER

BAMBI'S GOING TO TEACH YOU ALL SORTS OF NICE LITTLE THINGS.

EXCUSE ME.

BAMBI JUST GOT SENT BACK TO THE FOREST.

THIS IS THUMPER.

AND SHE'S TELLING TO GET OFF THE PHONE AND

STOP CALLING HERE BECAUSE...

WHAT?

OH, ALL RIGHT.

I'M HOT, I'M HOT.

I'M ON FIRE.

YES, YES, FASTER, SLOWER.

OH, BOY, OH, BABY.

OH, BABY, OH...

TYPICAL.

Jim: AND THIS LAST ONE'S FROM MURPHY.

OH, OH.

I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE MY FAVORITE.

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY, JIM.

THANK YOU, MURPHY.

TWELVE CANS OF DEODORANT, DRIED PRUNES,

AN INFLATABLE COMPANION...

I'D SAY THIS NEWSMAN IS READY TO BE SHIPPED OFF.

THANK YOU, ALL.

WHEN YOU GET BACK I JUST KNOW

YOU'LL ENJOY THE PLACEMATS I GAVE YOU.

NOBODY TOLD ME.

HOW ABOUT A SPEECH FROM THE MAN OF THE HOUR?

All: JIM, JIM, JIM...

ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN.

FRIENDS, I'M GLAD I HAVE YOU ALL IN ONE PLACE

BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO SAY SOMETHING

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY...

HEY, EVERYBODY.

SORRY I'M LATE.

HAD TO PICK UP MILLER.

THIS IS MILLER REDFIELD, FROM OUR HARTFORD AFFILIATE.

MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME

BECAUSE IT'S HIS FIRST NETWORK TEST.

FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS HE'LL BE FILLING IN FOR JIM.

AND HE'LL DO A DAMN FINE JOB, I'M SURE.

JIM DIAL.

WELCOME.

JUST REMEMBER WE ALL HAD TO GO THROUGH

THAT FIRST NETWORK EXPERIENCE.

I KNOW YOU'LL DO FINE.

THANKS, JIM.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR CONFIDENCE.

LISTEN, I FEEL LIKE I'M INTERRUPTING SOMETHING HERE.

NOT AT ALL.

THIS IS JUST MY OLD REPORTER'S HAT.

MY OLD REPORTER'S COAT...

THE BRA IS NEW.

EXCUSE ME. I'M GOING TO MINGLE.

HERE ARE THE PEOPLE

YOU'LL BE SITTING AT THE DESK WITH.

MY BUNCH, MY GANG, MY COMPADRES

AND, I SHOULD ALSO ADD, MY FAMILY.

FRANK FONTANA, CORKY SHERWOOD,

MURPHY BROWN.

IT'S A PLEASURE REALLY.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT A THRILL THIS IS FOR ME.

I'VE WATCHED YOU AND ADMIRED YOU AS JOURNALISTS

FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

THANKS. THAT'S NICE.

IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

ABSOLUTELY.

OKAY, FOLKS, LET'S NOT WEAR HIM OUT.

I'LL BUY YOU A BREWSKI.

I HATE HIM.

ME, TOO.

WHAT KIND OF NAME IS "MILLER"?

SOMETHING SMELLS FUNNY HERE.

WHY DO WE NEED A SUBSTITUTE ANCHOR?

WHAT IS THIS, THE TONIGHT SHOW?

LOOK, WE'RE REPORTERS.

LET'S FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU TAIL THE NEW GUY.

I'LL TAKE MILES.

SO MILES, WHAT'S THE DEAL ON THIS GUY?

WHY'D WE GET HIM?

HIS CONTRACT UP WITH ARROW SHIRTS?

OH BOY, I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

YOU HATE TO MAKE NEW LITTLE FRIENDS, DON'T YOU?

MILES, LET ME LAY THIS OUT FOR YOU. JIM IS SENT ON ASSIGNMENT

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SHANGRI-LAS ARE OFF THE CHARTS.

A SUBSTITUTE ANCHOR IS BROUGHT IN FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

I THINK THE NETWORK'S PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS

AND JIM'S GOING TO LOSE.

NO WAY. IT'S JUST A NETWORK TEST. I'M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER.

THERE'S NO WAY THEY WOULD MAKE A CHANGE WITHOUT MY INPUT.

IF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING WAS TRUE, IT WOULD MEAN I WAS...

OUT OF THE LOOP.

SO YOU'RE OUT OF THE LOOP.

YOU CAN STILL GROW UP TO BE VICE PRESIDENT.

EXCUSE ME.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED DIGGING.

OH, GOD. I'M OUT OF THE LOOP.

YOU KNOW, MILLER, I HAD AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT WE TAKE YOU TO DINNER TONIGHT?

KIND OF, GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, JUST US JOURNALISTS?

THAT'D BE GREAT MURPHY, BUT CAN I TAKE A RAIN CHECK?

I STILL HAVE TO FIND A PLACE TO STAY.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN, THE NETWORK ISN'T PUTTING YOU UP AT A HOTEL?

SURE, BUT THAT'S JUST TEMPORARY.

I HAVE A REALTOR COMING TO PICK ME UP IN...

WHOA, 15 MINUTES.

THEY WANT ME TO START LOOKING FOR A HOUSE HERE IN WASHINGTON.

LISTEN, I GOT TO RUN. IT'S GREAT MEETING ALL OF YOU.

I'LL SEE YOU ON THE SET.

...AND WE'RE INTO COMMERCIAL.

POWDER THEM IF YOU GOT THEM.

YOU BELIEVE ALL THE SUITS HERE TONIGHT?

I FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOING TO SELL ME A POLICY.

IT'S JUST THE NETWORK.

DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU, FRANK. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO THEM.

MURPHY, WHEN I INTRO YOU AFTER THE BREAK

I THOUGHT WE SHOULD ENGAGE IN A LITTLE FRIENDLY REPARTEE.

I WROTE SOME LINES FOR YOU ON THESE NOTE CARDS.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO... SEE, I'VE NOTICED THAT THE SHOW COULD USE

A LITTLE LOOSENING UP.

AUDIENCES LOVE SPONTANEOUS BANTER.

MILLER, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW

BESIDES THE MEANING OF THE WORD "SPONTANEOUS."

I DON'T BANTER.

IT WOULDN'T BE PLEASANT FOR ANY OF US.

YOU KNOW, MURPHY...

I REALIZE IT'S NOT EASY

TO TEACH THE PROVERBIAL OLD DOG THE PROVERBIAL NEW TRICK

BUT IT'S A TOUGH NEW WORLD OUT THERE.

WE CAN'T JUST INFORM.

WE HAVE TO ENTERTAIN TOO.

WELL, SOMEDAY YOU'LL AGREE WITH ME

IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF THE FUTURE.

NOW, LOOK...

PLACES, PEOPLE!

THANK YOU, MURPHY. HERE WE GO IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO...

WELCOME BACK TO F.Y.I.

I'M MILLER REDFIELD, SITTING IN FOR JIM DIAL. WHO'S ON ASSIGNMENT IN LIBYA.

WE'RE ABOUT TO GO LIVE TO LIBYA

WHERE IT'S THIS MORNING OVER THERE-- TONIGHT HERE.

TELL ME, MURPHY...

THANKS, MILLER.

IN RECENT DAYS

LIBYA HAS RETURNED TO THE HEADLINES.

WE KNOW THAT THE ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW

THE GOVERNMENT OF COLONEL MOAMMAR KADAFI

HAS APPARENTLY FAILED.

JIM, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING OVER THERE NOW?

As you can see, Murphy

there are still pro-Kadafi demonstrators in the streets. Mostly here for our benefit.

JIM, WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE FATE OF THE GENERALS WHO ATTEMPTED THE COUP?

A good question, Murphy. According to our sources

they were seen in the company of armed guards last night.

JIM, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE COMPANY.

One moment.

(speaking Arabic)

Murphy, we are apparently being told

we cannot report from here.

It is unclear whether they mean this location...

or report at all.

JIM, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING?

They want us to turn off the camera.

(shouting in Arabic)

Do not turn off camera.

(shouting)

All right now, I've had just about enough

of these shenanigans.

This is a network broadcast.

You are going to allow me to wrap it up!

Then we turn off the camera!

That's all I have to report right now.

There is confusion here.

but apparently, Kadafi is indeed still in power.

This is Jim Dial reporting live.

INCREDIBLE!

NOW YOU BE CAREFUL OVER THERE.

WE BRING IT TO YOU AS IT HAPPENS, AMERICA.

I'M MILLER REDFIELD.

FOR ALL OF US AT F.Y.I...

GOOD NIGHT.

AND WE'RE OUT!

NICE WORK, PEOPLE.

THAT'S ONE FOR THE VCR's.

I'VE NEVER SEEN JIM LIKE THAT BEFORE.

WHAT A MAN.

TALK ABOUT GUTS.

GOT TO HAND IT TO HIM. HE'S STILL GOT IT.

YEAH, AND LOOK WHO'S REAPING THE GLORY.

Frank: MILLER'S JUST A FAKE JIM.

FAKE.

I HATE THAT FAKE JIM.

WHAT IS THIS, A WAKE?

WE CAN'T JUST ROLL OVER AND LET THIS HAPPEN.

MEETING TONIGHT, MY HOUSE.

YOU GOT IT.

I CAN'T GO.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I'M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER.

I'M MANAGEMENT. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET INVOLVED.

I'M SORRY.

WE UNDERSTAND, MILES.

YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THE NETWORK...

AFTER ALL, THEY JUST PUT A KITCHENETTE IN YOUR OFFICE.

COME ON, I LOVE JIM. YOU KNOW THAT!

THAT'S OKAY, MILES. WE WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO COME BETWEEN YOU

AND YOUR NEW LITTLE FRIDGE.

COME ON, GUYS.

LET'S GO.

Corky: I JUST DON'T GET IT.

HOW COULD THE NETWORK WANT TO HIRE SOMEBODY LIKE THAT?

HE'S NOTHING BUT A SUPERFICIAL, BLOND AIRHEAD.

HE'S GOING TO GIVE US ALL A BAD NAME.

YOU MOVE WITH THE BEAUTY AND THE GRACE OF A GAZELLE

DID ANYONE EVER PAINT YOU?

WELL, YES, I HAD A PORTRAIT DONE IN...

NO, NO, NO.

I MEAN PAINT YOU.

FRANK..?

COULD WE STICK TO THE PROBLEM HERE?

WHAT IF WE GET A LETTER-CAMPAIGN GOING

FORGET IT. IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG.

WHY NOT JUST GO TO THE NETWORK

AND TELL THEM HOW WE FEEL?

THAT JIM HAS DEPTH AND EXPERIENCE

AND MILLER'S A MEAT-PUPPET.

COME ON. THE NETWORK HAS TO LISTEN TO REASON.

OH, HELP ME, I'M HALLUCINATING.

I'VE GOT IT!

SHH! SHH! SHH!

LET'S SHORT-CIRCUIT HIS EARPIECE

AND FRY HIS BRAINS OUT.

COME ON. THAT'S DISGUSTING.

ALTHOUGH... ALTHOUGH...

THERE IS SOMETHING TO BE SAID

FOR MAKING HIM LOOK BAD ON THE AIR.

I LIKED IT THE MOMENT I HEARD IT.

COMING BACK, PEOPLE.

SATELLITE FEED, STAND BY.

IN FIVE, FOUR...

THREE, TWO...

(coughing)

JIM DIAL HAS BEEN ON THE SCENE IN LIBYA...

A COUNTRY GRIPPED IN FEAR SINCE LAST WEEK.

TONIGHT IN A CONVERSATION WITH MURPHY BROWN

HE'LL BRING US UP-TO-DATE ON DEVELOPMENTS THERE.

...THERE, IN LIBYA, WHERE HE IS.

...AND HAS BEEN.

AND FROM WHERE HE'S

REPORTING TO US.

...ABOUT SOME...

OVERTHROWING TAKING PLACE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, MILES?

STAY ON MILLER.

SILVERBERG SAYS STAY ON MILLER.

TAKE IT.

TAKE IT.

Hello, Washington, do you hear me?

YES, JIM, WE HEAR YOU.

SO, JIM, HOW'S IT GOING OVER THERE?

Well, Miller, we are reporting

from one one of the major cities, Benghazi

where things remain relatively calm.

The soldiers have not been so much in evidence as they were last week

but there is still a great deal of uncertainty.

I'LL BET.

I'm sure, you're going to ask

why Kadafi has not yet appeared in public if he is, as his minions say, firmly in power.

Economic issues, which were the primary motive behind the coup attempt

still have not been resolved.

WHAT?

Good question, Miller.

Central is the Libyans newfound desire to freely operate their own businesses.

As you know, foreigners operate

most service industries here.

RIGHT-O.

So, we wait and watch.

Will Moammar Kadafi's people's revolution continue

or has his brand of economic reform failed?

It is a question that could have profound implications

for the Middle East and the world.

Back to you, Miller.

THANK YOU, JIM...

FOR THAT FASCINATING REPORT...

ON A SITUATION THAT IS UNCERTAIN

AND WILL NO DOUBT CONTINUE FOR A WHILE.

...BECAUSE THE IMPLICATIONS ARE FAR-RANGING FOR THE MIDWEST...

AND THE REST OF THE WORLD...

FOR A LONG... VERY LONG TIME TO COME.

I'M MILLER REDFIELD...

FOR ALL OF US, SAYING...

GOOD NIGHT.

WE'RE CLEAR.

SO, OLD MILLER DIDN'T SEEM TO DO SO WELL.

NO, HE DIDN'T, DID HE.

TOO BAD.

YOU COULD HAVE THROWN THE INTERVIEW TO FRANK, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW.

YOU DEFINITELY HAVE POTENTIAL, MILES.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED TO TAP THIS.

HAVE YOU EVER WORKED WITH RUBBER VOMIT?

JIM, WHAT WAS THE NAME

OF THAT CITY YOU WERE IN?

LIBYA?

IS THAT NEAR SWITZERLAND?

GOOD SKIING IN SWITZERLAND.

NICE WIDE TRAILS.

I BET THEY DON'T HAVE THAT IN LIBYA.

THERE YOU ARE, ALL TOGETHER.

PROBABLY FEEL PRETTY SMUG.

GEE, MILLER, IS SOMETHING WRONG?

GUYS, I THINK SOMETHING'S BOTHERING MILLER.

IT'S LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE CLUB HERE.

YOU'RE JUST SO CHILDISH.

EVERYTHING HAS TO BE YOUR WAY.

YOU THINK YOU'RE MR. AND MRS. ... KING AND QUEEN!

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT WON'T WORK.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE

AND I'M GOING TO GET IT.

YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

I'M INEVITABLE--

LIKE A BAD PENNY!

SHUT UP.

MILLER, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HOW'S IT... GOING?

JIM!

(cheering)

COME ON, JIM RELIVE THOSE GLORY DAYS.

TELL US, WAS IT EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE?

IT WAS STIMULATING, ACTUALLY.

EVEN MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

ON THE LONG FLIGHT BACK

I HAD A LOT OF TIME THINK...

TRUTH IS, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SAYING THIS.

I HOPE YOU'LL ALL UNDERSTAND.

WHAT IS IT, JIM?

IT'S TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE.

I'M PUTTING IN FOR FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCY

ON A PERMANENT BASIS.

I'M LEAVING F.Y.I.

JIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

WE STARTED THE SHOW TOGETHER.

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER TWELVE YEARS.

IT WOULD SEEM REALLY STRANGE WITHOUT YOU.

THIS IS KIND OF SUDDEN, JIM.

YOU SURE ABOUT IT? HAVE YOU THOUGHT IT OUT?

YES. AFTER LIBYA, THE JUICES ARE FLOWING. THE SAP IS RISING

I SAY, LET SOME OTHER POOR SOUL BE THE DESK JOCKEY.

YOU DO UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

NO!

WHAT CORKY'S TRYING TO SAY, JIM

IS THAT IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO

THEN, OF COURSE, WE'LL ALL STAND BEHIND YOU.

NO!

GUESS I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, BUDDY.

WE'RE SURE GOING TO MISS YOU.

HEY, JIMBO!

WELCOME BACK!

WHAT DID YOU BRING ME?

ONLY KIDDING!

BOY, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE--

EVERYBODY TOGETHER.

MILES, JIM IS LEAVING THE SHOW.

WHAT?

NOW PEOPLE, PLEASE DON'T FEEL I'M ABANDONING YOU.

YOU'LL FIND A REPLACEMENT.

WHY NOT USE MILLER?

HE MADE A FEW MISTAKES, BUT WITH A LITTLE EXPERIENCE UNDER HIS BELT

HE'LL BE FINE.

I DON'T THINK MILLER WILL BE AVAILABLE.

THE NETWORK FEELS HE'S TOO GREEN

SO THEY'RE SENDING HIM TO OUR OVERSEAS BUREAU.

SOUTH YEMEN.

SOUTH YEMEN.

FOR AT LEAST A YEAR.

COULD YOU CLOSE THAT DOOR A MOMENT?

YES, THIS IS PERFECT!

THE LITTLE WIENER!

THE POMPOUS, LITTLE PUTZ!

BOY, IS HE GETTING WHAT HE DESERVES.

OH GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS A GONER! AS SOON AS I GOT THAT ASSIGNMENT. AND THEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT MILLER.

WAIT A MINUTE! YOU KNEW?

OF COURSE I KNEW! I'M A REPORTER, DAMN IT.

I SMELLED A NETWORK SHUFFLE A MILE AWAY.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FIELD?

I THOUGHT YOUR JUICES WERE FLOWING. YOUR SAP WAS RISING.

GET REAL!

I'VE BEEN THERE! I'VE DONE IT!

YOU THINK IT'S ROMANTIC

SHARING A HOTEL ROOM WITH YOUR CREW FOR TWO WEEKS?

YOU THINK IT'S A PICNIC SHARING A BED WITH GERALD "THE HORSE" HERZFELDER?

HE CALLED ME ROBERTA IN HIS SLEEP

AND TRIED TO SPOON ME.

IF THAT'S LIFE ON THE ROAD.

YOU CAN LEAVE IT TO CHARLES KURALT!

WHY ARE WE ALL STANDING AROUND WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

(cheering)

JIM?

YES?

YOU REALLY SCARED ME.

DON'T DO THAT AGAIN, OKAY?

OKAY.

I'M SO HAPPY!