Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 13 - Here's to You, Mrs. Kinsella - full transcript
Korky Hey hidey-ho top of the morning to
ya fill her up please and thank you mmm
premium unleaded Frank it's morning it's
Monday why are you so cheery poker game
last night at my house
cleaned up my buddy Mike looks like his
kid's gonna have to settle for junior
college next year I mean I was hot then
as luck would have it on my way to work
this morning I found this little beauty
in the street gee Frank a quarter now
you can buy that little farm you always
joke if you will but it was heads up a
universal sign of good luck to come hot
great idea Frank what having those young
men rotate your tires while you're at
work
rotate my tires damn hard workers they
taking them completely off the car
[Music]
Betty can't type either
[Music]
Murphy I'm not you're miles you only
think you see me Murphy I really have to
talk to you about something can you make
it quick I've got 7,000 things to do for
cancellous birthday party tonight
god I hate giving parties Murphy I have
a personal problem this is really
important let me make it easy on you I
never get involved in the personal
problems of others Murphy I don't know
who else to go to if I don't talk about
this I'll explode okay I'll start at the
beginning $100 for a cake are they nuts
I want you to know this is not something
I'm proud of but this weekend I went to
Boston for a broadcasters convention ice
ice for 30 people three cubes per glass
and while I was there I went to the
hotel cocktail lounge for a cappuccino
and some pistachios that's all I went in
there for I swear I never expected to
see a woman in there wearing this red
and black MIT thing and this perfume
that went up my nose like a hook you
just pulled me just pulled me to her
slobbered on yourself in a bar big deal
you're absolved now get out of here and
then before I know it we were upstairs
where the rooms are what why miles you
will jackhammer
god I'd get a burden help for this I've
never done anything like this Murphy I
had a meeting with one-night-stand I'm
gonna be killed by a truck
now listen miles if I'm truly going to
help you I'm going to need some more
details right what were you wearing
probably that blue blazer and the red
tie with those little ducks on it you
always act big when you wear that you
didn't have you didn't have a problem
did you miles is that what this is about
no I did not have a problem we were
animals we used every inch of space in
the room I'll never look at a folding
luggage rack to see
Liyana that was her name
Leona was very knowledgeable guess
that's because she's older this all
happened with an older woman how old was
she old at least 40
I'm busy miles
I'm gonna be fending off a curb but
it'll come from nowhere an 18-wheeler
a crowd will gather look down at me and
say write miles Silverberg he deserved
it
listen sometimes these things happen and
no one is to blame I mean it's not like
you do it every day and no one got hurt
assuming that is that you took
precautions she had a variety Peck
if you want this to be over it's over
unless you think there's old broads
gonna call you she can't she can't I
didn't give her my real name
what Dame did you use I don't want to
say come on Hector okay okay yeah I can
see who I'm dealing with here all right
I'm just gonna have to forget about this
I mean one tiny little moral
indiscretion does not a dooms man make
so I'm out of here
on with the day a new day and after I
spend the week begging in temple life
will be good again
see you around Hector
[Music]
I know I speak for everyone here tonight
when I say that Jean Kinsella is not
only a good friend he's the VP of
network news
happy birthday Jean
well brownie what can I say everyone
thanks now let's get started on this
cake I think it's going well don't you
oh sure
for you you're not the one who got stuck
picking out jeans gift from the office
he'll be opening at any minute now
then it'll happen he'll take it out of
the box and try to pretend he likes it
but in his mind he'll be saying what the
hell is this electric towel warmer
couldn't they find anything more asinine
it was the store all out of talking
bathroom scales and everyone will see
right through and then they'll all turn
and look at me me you got him an
electric towel warmer and usually I'm
not one to complain but there Dana like
this who so after I fish my keys out of
the sewer great I'm gonna the cleanest
he told me that he lost three of my
favorite shirts am i boring you
No so over here what happens my car
blows a valve I think I'm still praying
kind of a prank yeah your egg roll is
leaking
miles how nice of you to show up you
missed all the fun the shrimp balls are
dying and I caught a low Henderson from
sales going through my medicine cabinet
I hate giving parties you know nothing
to worry about Murphy I'm here I'm in a
party frame of mind
watch the master mingle where's the
birthday boy Oh God oh god she's here
who's here huh the woman the sex woman
you're kidding
miles that's the woman that's Lois
Kinsella
kinsella you said Kinsella Broyles you
slept with the boss's wife
this is possible her name is Leona
it can't be mrs. Kinsella her name is
Leona gee you know then she why do you
have her
this is not good not good at all look
she hasn't seen you yet why don't you
get out of here before she dies good
good thinking you're good at this I see
the door come on miles you can do this
of course I understand miles if Walter
Cronkite wants you to read a chapter of
his manuscript you have to go the man
never stops working miles have you been
I've been looking for you everywhere how
do you think Kinsella I'm going crazy I
know he knows he's just trying to
torture me well god I can't keep up this
charade I've just got to tell him the
truth even though I'll pay the price
it's the right thing to do isn't it
Murphy isn't it
look miles you know I hate to give
advice I mean I really don't want to get
involved in this but if you're asking my
opinion I'm asking uh nasty you should
probably just keep your mouth shut shut
gotcha really I know Jean can sell it
pretty well if he knew what you did he
just come out and confront you with it
that's the type of person he is
but if you tell him and he doesn't know
it's just going to hurt a lot of people
okay mr. Kinsella well hey I was just
walking casually with Murphy just
chatting about this an act casually you
don't mind Scylla burger I'd like to
speak privately with Murphy mine of
course not
I'll just go go away well I'm going
goodbye you people
San Joaquin I guess you probably want to
discuss my expense account right I know
it looks like it went a little over this
not that it's personal Murphy
we've known each other a long time
you're a good friend and frankly I need
a woman's perspective it's about Lois
Lois and me listen you you and los mince
words Murphy
I think Lois is having an affair oh gee
gene she and I've got a pretty good idea
who it is - really
yes but I don't really know how best to
handle the situation I mean should I
pretend I don't know
or should I nail the SOB to the wall Oh
gene well um you know I hate to give
advice but since we are good friends let
me just say Jeanne that usually when
this sort of thing happens in a marriage
maybe I'm no expert usually when this
sort of thing happens gene it usually
means there are probably problems
problems within the marriage yes maybe
it would be better if you and Lois sat
down and focused on those problems maybe
see a marriage counselor I mean it would
be a much more positive way of dealing
with the problem than wasting your
energy trying to nail someone whoever it
is to a wall
Murphy what you've said makes a lot of
sense but I'd rather nail him I know I'd
feel a lot better thanks for helping me
to clarify this no problem
all packed it off to Iceland doesn't
zoom boy I don't envy you Jean Reykjavik
39 months after the summit I don't know
who's late my dear this was but it's
real doozy it's my idea Frank listen I
saw you chit-chatting with my wife last
night oh yes she is one terrific woman
end up very attractive if you don't mind
my saying stuff well isn't that just so
very kind of you to say I'll have a nice
time and ice land when Frank be sure to
take a coat tends to get a little nippy
up there
[Music]
[Applause]
fancy would you get Murphy for me
Myles thanks Daisy
I just wanted to say thanks again for
saving my tail oh god I was just sitting
here thinking about how much I love this
job and how easily it all could've gone
away miles were right he doesn't suspect
a thing I'm sure of it now
I mean you would've told me to my face
he would have fired me on the spot smile
he knows but he knows of course he knows
he could see right through me I might as
well have been wearing a t-shirt that
said hey Kinsella I point you're white
this is why I don't get involved into
other people's problems they ask me
questions I give them answers and bad
things happen very very bad it's over
these are my last few moments here no
more coming in each day to see whatever
crises are facing me on my desk
goodbye desk goodbye kitchenette with
the self-cleaning oven my couch someone
came to me with a book this thick of all
these little fabric pieces so that I
could pick out the one I wanted
goodbye couch oh and there's a Lloyd
washing my windows every month like he
has for the 14 months I've been here
sometimes I wondered if he ever owned
another shirt besides that one I'm gonna
miss that shirt I love you boy
I get the feeling Kissinger is going to
come through that door the two of you
are going to pray together I gotta do
something think think think]
ya fill her up please and thank you mmm
premium unleaded Frank it's morning it's
Monday why are you so cheery poker game
last night at my house
cleaned up my buddy Mike looks like his
kid's gonna have to settle for junior
college next year I mean I was hot then
as luck would have it on my way to work
this morning I found this little beauty
in the street gee Frank a quarter now
you can buy that little farm you always
joke if you will but it was heads up a
universal sign of good luck to come hot
great idea Frank what having those young
men rotate your tires while you're at
work
rotate my tires damn hard workers they
taking them completely off the car
[Music]
Betty can't type either
[Music]
Murphy I'm not you're miles you only
think you see me Murphy I really have to
talk to you about something can you make
it quick I've got 7,000 things to do for
cancellous birthday party tonight
god I hate giving parties Murphy I have
a personal problem this is really
important let me make it easy on you I
never get involved in the personal
problems of others Murphy I don't know
who else to go to if I don't talk about
this I'll explode okay I'll start at the
beginning $100 for a cake are they nuts
I want you to know this is not something
I'm proud of but this weekend I went to
Boston for a broadcasters convention ice
ice for 30 people three cubes per glass
and while I was there I went to the
hotel cocktail lounge for a cappuccino
and some pistachios that's all I went in
there for I swear I never expected to
see a woman in there wearing this red
and black MIT thing and this perfume
that went up my nose like a hook you
just pulled me just pulled me to her
slobbered on yourself in a bar big deal
you're absolved now get out of here and
then before I know it we were upstairs
where the rooms are what why miles you
will jackhammer
god I'd get a burden help for this I've
never done anything like this Murphy I
had a meeting with one-night-stand I'm
gonna be killed by a truck
now listen miles if I'm truly going to
help you I'm going to need some more
details right what were you wearing
probably that blue blazer and the red
tie with those little ducks on it you
always act big when you wear that you
didn't have you didn't have a problem
did you miles is that what this is about
no I did not have a problem we were
animals we used every inch of space in
the room I'll never look at a folding
luggage rack to see
Liyana that was her name
Leona was very knowledgeable guess
that's because she's older this all
happened with an older woman how old was
she old at least 40
I'm busy miles
I'm gonna be fending off a curb but
it'll come from nowhere an 18-wheeler
a crowd will gather look down at me and
say write miles Silverberg he deserved
it
listen sometimes these things happen and
no one is to blame I mean it's not like
you do it every day and no one got hurt
assuming that is that you took
precautions she had a variety Peck
if you want this to be over it's over
unless you think there's old broads
gonna call you she can't she can't I
didn't give her my real name
what Dame did you use I don't want to
say come on Hector okay okay yeah I can
see who I'm dealing with here all right
I'm just gonna have to forget about this
I mean one tiny little moral
indiscretion does not a dooms man make
so I'm out of here
on with the day a new day and after I
spend the week begging in temple life
will be good again
see you around Hector
[Music]
I know I speak for everyone here tonight
when I say that Jean Kinsella is not
only a good friend he's the VP of
network news
happy birthday Jean
well brownie what can I say everyone
thanks now let's get started on this
cake I think it's going well don't you
oh sure
for you you're not the one who got stuck
picking out jeans gift from the office
he'll be opening at any minute now
then it'll happen he'll take it out of
the box and try to pretend he likes it
but in his mind he'll be saying what the
hell is this electric towel warmer
couldn't they find anything more asinine
it was the store all out of talking
bathroom scales and everyone will see
right through and then they'll all turn
and look at me me you got him an
electric towel warmer and usually I'm
not one to complain but there Dana like
this who so after I fish my keys out of
the sewer great I'm gonna the cleanest
he told me that he lost three of my
favorite shirts am i boring you
No so over here what happens my car
blows a valve I think I'm still praying
kind of a prank yeah your egg roll is
leaking
miles how nice of you to show up you
missed all the fun the shrimp balls are
dying and I caught a low Henderson from
sales going through my medicine cabinet
I hate giving parties you know nothing
to worry about Murphy I'm here I'm in a
party frame of mind
watch the master mingle where's the
birthday boy Oh God oh god she's here
who's here huh the woman the sex woman
you're kidding
miles that's the woman that's Lois
Kinsella
kinsella you said Kinsella Broyles you
slept with the boss's wife
this is possible her name is Leona
it can't be mrs. Kinsella her name is
Leona gee you know then she why do you
have her
this is not good not good at all look
she hasn't seen you yet why don't you
get out of here before she dies good
good thinking you're good at this I see
the door come on miles you can do this
of course I understand miles if Walter
Cronkite wants you to read a chapter of
his manuscript you have to go the man
never stops working miles have you been
I've been looking for you everywhere how
do you think Kinsella I'm going crazy I
know he knows he's just trying to
torture me well god I can't keep up this
charade I've just got to tell him the
truth even though I'll pay the price
it's the right thing to do isn't it
Murphy isn't it
look miles you know I hate to give
advice I mean I really don't want to get
involved in this but if you're asking my
opinion I'm asking uh nasty you should
probably just keep your mouth shut shut
gotcha really I know Jean can sell it
pretty well if he knew what you did he
just come out and confront you with it
that's the type of person he is
but if you tell him and he doesn't know
it's just going to hurt a lot of people
okay mr. Kinsella well hey I was just
walking casually with Murphy just
chatting about this an act casually you
don't mind Scylla burger I'd like to
speak privately with Murphy mine of
course not
I'll just go go away well I'm going
goodbye you people
San Joaquin I guess you probably want to
discuss my expense account right I know
it looks like it went a little over this
not that it's personal Murphy
we've known each other a long time
you're a good friend and frankly I need
a woman's perspective it's about Lois
Lois and me listen you you and los mince
words Murphy
I think Lois is having an affair oh gee
gene she and I've got a pretty good idea
who it is - really
yes but I don't really know how best to
handle the situation I mean should I
pretend I don't know
or should I nail the SOB to the wall Oh
gene well um you know I hate to give
advice but since we are good friends let
me just say Jeanne that usually when
this sort of thing happens in a marriage
maybe I'm no expert usually when this
sort of thing happens gene it usually
means there are probably problems
problems within the marriage yes maybe
it would be better if you and Lois sat
down and focused on those problems maybe
see a marriage counselor I mean it would
be a much more positive way of dealing
with the problem than wasting your
energy trying to nail someone whoever it
is to a wall
Murphy what you've said makes a lot of
sense but I'd rather nail him I know I'd
feel a lot better thanks for helping me
to clarify this no problem
all packed it off to Iceland doesn't
zoom boy I don't envy you Jean Reykjavik
39 months after the summit I don't know
who's late my dear this was but it's
real doozy it's my idea Frank listen I
saw you chit-chatting with my wife last
night oh yes she is one terrific woman
end up very attractive if you don't mind
my saying stuff well isn't that just so
very kind of you to say I'll have a nice
time and ice land when Frank be sure to
take a coat tends to get a little nippy
up there
[Music]
[Applause]
fancy would you get Murphy for me
Myles thanks Daisy
I just wanted to say thanks again for
saving my tail oh god I was just sitting
here thinking about how much I love this
job and how easily it all could've gone
away miles were right he doesn't suspect
a thing I'm sure of it now
I mean you would've told me to my face
he would have fired me on the spot smile
he knows but he knows of course he knows
he could see right through me I might as
well have been wearing a t-shirt that
said hey Kinsella I point you're white
this is why I don't get involved into
other people's problems they ask me
questions I give them answers and bad
things happen very very bad it's over
these are my last few moments here no
more coming in each day to see whatever
crises are facing me on my desk
goodbye desk goodbye kitchenette with
the self-cleaning oven my couch someone
came to me with a book this thick of all
these little fabric pieces so that I
could pick out the one I wanted
goodbye couch oh and there's a Lloyd
washing my windows every month like he
has for the 14 months I've been here
sometimes I wondered if he ever owned
another shirt besides that one I'm gonna
miss that shirt I love you boy
I get the feeling Kissinger is going to
come through that door the two of you
are going to pray together I gotta do
something think think think]