Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 11 - Brown Like Me: Part 2 - full transcript

is to inform you that you have been

chosen to receive this year's Robert F

Kennedy Journalism Award for outstanding

coverage of problems of the

disadvantaged in your piece no place to

call home

and being as you guys are the closest

thing I have to family in the city I'm

counting on you all to be there but what

about your real family what your mother

your father my parents haven't been in



the same room together since they signed

the divorce papers 15 years ago secondly

my mother's in London for the month

curating an art exhibit and thirdly my

father is too busy why don't you call

your father what's the worst thing that

can happen he'll say no hi I saw your

latest issue of the Chicago voice I

can't say I've ever seen anyone refer to

Jesse Helms as an embarrassment to

primates in print before he's coming you

see you did the right thing and he's

bringing Karen and the baby looking for

Murphy bran I know you want to hold the



Murphy it's okay

hey what the hell are you doing here

Oh what have we here amazing bill Martin

would think at your age you'd be

shooting blanks it helps to have a lying

target you know I feel cheated I really

do

I had everything except a family can't

you hold it together for one day one day

so I can enjoy myself is that too much

to ask

yep till it all worked out okay the

insurance covered everything and I now

have a brand-new bumper

what a relief we were all so worried

go ahead fill mock me but the fact is

that car symbolizes all the hard work

blood sweat and tears that I put into my

job call me trivial and call me petty

but when I slip on of those bisque

leather seats I feel good about me

does anybody here have a blue BMW

license plate 4 5 2 6 8 9 j

mr. Silverberg I'm afraid we've had an

accident you took up more than your

share of space at the curve I tried to

push you forward a little bit but I have

a rental car and they're very

unpredictable here is all of the

insurance information I'm sure they'll

take care of it

the brown family it's like a plague

what's next

locusts

well Phil how nice to see you again

Avery you light up the whole damn bar

smoke beer no table flowers my kind of

joint hey there welcome to Phil's

murphy's father right yeah Bill Brown oh

this is a treat both parents at once you

know my wife Phyllis and I had been

married for 40 years

Oh we've had some rough time but we

never once considered splitting up I

guess that's why it's so hard for me to

understand why people get divorced well

she never gave sex

okay you learn something every day

listen I know you're meeting Murphy for

lunch do you mind if I give you some

advice it's a big night for Murphy it'd

be real nice if you could pretend to be

a family hell if the Reagan's can pull

it off for eight years you could do it

for one day yeah we not what you're

saying to him yes we've been working on

it we're only going to say nice things

to each other

we've been practicing there you go look

you guys pick out a table and I'll get

you something

hiya Phil double club soda straight out

I see they're here already what did they

break I'll pay all damages Murphy I'm a

little disappointed I expected some real

fireworks last time I looked over there

you spelling out her name with beer nuts

you're kidding

hi guys here we are ready to have a nice

quiet civilized lunch right yeah

absolutely you bet Oh bill I really feel

I have to apologize to you for my

behavior toward Karen last night I mean

she's really a very lovely person and a

good mother

well thank you very much you ready yeah

but as far as being a mother who's fuck

it would be very hard to find anyone

more caring than you well as long as

we're handing out compliments I feel I

should tell you how dapper I think you

look in that jacket

bill it's your turn I'm thinking I'm

thinking it my parents need crib sheets

to be nice to each other

two are pathetic why'd you even come to

Washington anyway if this is your idea

of support who needs it thank you for

ruining my day thank you for ruining my

evening and thank you for ruining my

wife

we did all this when I was a top

I had a cradle a playpen and an old wool

sock named Albert now everybody's got

these psychologically tested

state-of-the-art Scandinavian

contraptions the children graduate from

high school without knowing the capital

of South Dakota oh great another brown

on wheels

Spira see isn't it guys I know we all

love kids but this isn't office and we

do have a show to get ready Frank you

see that you see that kids love me you

know why because we have a lot in common

I'm cute I'm fun I love to have women

bathe me

that's it recess is over

goodnight this place is a mess you can't

tell me we did this all by himself on

guys sorry Murph I guess we got carried

away no more I can't take it two days

ago my life was normal I was just your

average Network News superstar minding

our own business

today I think it'd be pity my parents

are crazy and there's applesauce on my

phone so I guess the Lunt's didn't go

too well huh I've made a decision I'm

not going to the ceremony wife flirt

with disaster I mean you're not going

you have to go I don't have to do

anything that's the wonderful thing

about being grown up I don't have to eat

Brussels sprouts I don't have to hang up

my clothes and I don't have to sit

through a ceremony with two people who

can't stop fighting long enough to

celebrate something I've dreamed about

my entire life let me get this straight

you're angry at your parents so you're

gonna punish yourself by not accepting

your award uh-huh don't start with me

Frank this is all your fault you know

you're the one who knew the Chicago area

code darn it all Murphy so your parents

are less than you'd like them to be join

the club

we all grow up needing something we

don't get yeah like me and my parents

you know when you're the middle of seven

kids it's easy to get lost in the

shuffle they're always leaving me in

department stores amusement parks

the first few times they chunked it up

as a coincidence but after a while I

don't care how healthy you are you think

hey there's a pattern here the biggest

show of affection I ever had for my

father was a firm handshake

you think I'm stiff compared to him I'm

pinky Lee I think we're all trying to

say that every parent has fault at some

level but after a certain point your

life is your life and you've got to get

on with it

you've earned that award Murph and when

you're up there accepting it tonight

well this side of your family is gonna

be there cheering for you that's right

you guys are really something it means

so much to me that I can always count on

you when the chips are down oh I think

the baby needs to be changed

the sitter from your service two days

ago

well then where is she I have to be

someplace at seven o'clock

oh well that's your problem hello

will you give me a break this is all

your fault

what am I supposed to do take you to the

party and check you try and look like a

hat

no good come on I'm not picking you up

you don't always get what you want let

me be the first woman to tell you that I

know you're tight you think you can just

snap your fingers and we come running

well let me tell you something buster

those days are over

ever hear of Gloria Steinem is it any

Betty Friedan ring a bell I didn't think

so okay okay

you're not playing fair all right I'm

picking you up all right come on

Rockabye Baby in the treetop when the

wind blows the cradle will rock when the

bough breaks the cradle will fall god

what a horrible song house breaking

cradles falling who wrote this

okay here's a personal favorite of mine

let's go back to the Year 1964 do you

remember nothing you could say could

tear me away from my guy and some things

could ever take the place of my guy you

like that huh

well you've got potential I'm sticking

to my guy like mr. to a ladder like

birds

stick together I'm telling you from the

start I won't be torn apart from my guy

what'd you say

I'm from the start gonna be torn apart

from my guy what'd you say hey not bad

for a beginner

you know I'm sorry I had to leave like

that some women are like that the best

women which brings me to our next

subject how to behave on a date pay

attention to this very carefully because

you're gonna thank me for this advice

later on in life now first thing is

bring flowers just because we marched on

Washington a few times doesn't mean we

don't like roses now and then pay

particular attention to your shoes bad

taste in shoes pretty much kills it for

me on the first date now these shoes are

very cute oh how you do guys doing okay

oh yeah we're doing fine pretty needed

yeah it's pretty neat okay big guy

let's hit the next one out

I missed all of this with you I know I

don't know what it was in those days we

were all so busy fitting into our

assigned roles that we forgot to stop

and figure out what was most important I

always knew that you were around pretty

much yeah I'll never forget the day that

we opened offices in New York and

Philadelphia both at the same time

simultaneously our paper went from a

supermarket throw away to a very big

publication late that night when I got

home my head was reeling I flopped down

on the couch and you came into the

living room and walked over and kissed

me

you said I'm glad you're happy daddy and

that's what you said and then you went

back to your room and I noticed a couple

of plates with a half-eaten piece of

chocolate cake on them and I suddenly

realized that it was your 16th birthday

I had completely forgotten I remember

what you don't know was that I started

to go to your room

and then I stopped cold cold feet

err I was running a newspaper and I

hadn't the faintest idea of what to say

to my daughter I didn't know that I know

you know there's not much that I would

change or do differently in my life well

maybe I wouldn't buy 8,000 shares of

Exxon but now I have another chance and

this time I intend not to miss it I'm

glad you're happy daddy

well I've spent three hours getting

ready and I think it was worth the wait

don't you stuff thank you I think so

mother let me ask you a loaded question

if I were to go upstairs and fix my hair

and makeup could we consider the living

room a demilitarized zone please give us

a little credit you make it sound as if

we don't ever do anything but funny what

was I thinking my mistake I must have

done something bad in a past life maybe

I invented culottes well it's been a

long time since I've been around one of

these bring back a lot of memories

doesn't it yes there were a few good

ones and as much as I hate to admit it

it wasn't all bad

we were too young to be married things

are different today we would have lived

together you'd be paying alimony yeah I

may be a fool to say this but if I had

to do all over again I'd still marry you

that's one hell of a kid that we made

together we must have done something

right I know I wonder what it was and

I'll tell you something else you are one

handsome woman yeah you always have been

and you always will be Bill Brown are

you flirting with me a married man not

that it's ever stopped you

oh come on Avery we've had a lot of

memorable moments together you and I

Robson's pier backseat of your old Chevy

yeah our wedding night oh what a night

we'd answer that big band you know

Stardust still gets me crazy and I have

won the game with you when I love so you

think we can bury that old hatchet in

someplace other than my crotch for one

night yes it may be time I don't like it

it's too quiet down there I had a

Nintendo sense I should have said yes

thing ever be easy hey there Brown

family and don't we look nice in our

party clothes that's my name don't wear

it out

let me do some work on the ceiling you

know I've been blocked all day but good

news I think I'm gonna work through it

yeah yeah but how are you with babies I

love babies and babies look me great

you're hired I paid 250 an hour we're

home by midnight no parties here's the

number of where we'll be mother dad

we're out of here I'm not gonna leave my

son with this man hear it we're gonna

ring by God saves so what you've got the

Liberty Bell tattooed on your behind

you told me you liked that I lied

God it never ends mother dad we're going

we're picking up our things we're

putting on our coats we're heading for

the door okay okay but I'm driving

Oh No over my dead body I swore I'd

never drive with you again yeah well

then walk oh well with your sense of

direction I'll get there sooner

hey and what do you want to be when you

grow up I'm painting oh that's very good

I want to see some work that I've been

doing recently now this is the way a

wall should look when it's finished see

there's no bubbles no visible tape

joints and a perfect matte finish can

you say matte finish very good yeah

over here

I want to talk about Dan Quayle yeah Dan

Quayle what can I say he was a source of

many laughs you're telling me he was a

very very funny character I mean not

believable at all but hilarious who

created him]