Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 11, Episode 7 - A Lifetime of Achievement - full transcript
And to close our show, some good
news in Washington for a change.
In two weeks, our good friend
and colleague of 30 years, Jim Dial,
will be the recipient of the Lionel P.
Humboldt
Lifetime Achievement Award for
Excellence in Journalism.
Congratulations, Jim.
We are so proud of you.
So that's our show.
Let's end this broadcast
before any breaking news
harshes our mellow.
See you again tomorrow.
How great is this for Jim?
And what an event it's going to be,
even if we do have to pay
for the table ourselves.
Jim's waiting for us over at Phil's.
Let's go.
Stop the presses.
The network always pays for the table.
This is cable news.
We're lucky we have you
guys and not puppets.
We're all just going
to have to chip in.
Well, would you look at
this gorgeous set-up.
Oh, no.
Not you.
I have had a lot of rotten secretaries,
but you were the worst.
No skills, loud,
ate the tops off all the muffins.
You remember me!
But that woman was the recently
widowed Caprice Feldman.
Now I'm the recently
widowed Caprice Morton.
As in Carl Morton.
Wait a minute. Carl Morton?
You mean the largest shareholder
in this cable network?
Yeah. I've been widowed twice now.
First Victor, then Carl.
Both with huge, generous hearts,
unfortunately covered in fat.
Yeah, both of them
dropped dead like that.
No warning, no lingering,
ah, which is just as well
'cause I'm no good at goodbyes.
Oh, God. I think I know
where this is going.
Bingo!
I inherited all of Carl's stock.
I own you.
And you and you,
and you guys up there,
you guys up there in
the nosebleed seats.
This isn't happening.
I have some fantastic ideas
for livening up this brand.
We're gonna take boobs,
booty, and banter
all the way to the bank.
Brownie, I'm just getting started.
Look out, world, Caprice Feldman Morton
is coming through!
Hold that elevator!
So, Murph, I guess for Jim's big night,
it's gonna be you and me, as usual.
Oh, I'm sorry, Frank, I've
decided to ask Avery.
He'd want to be there for Jim.
So, Corky...
I'm not going to be
your sloppy seconds.
Besides, I've decided to go solo.
I'm a strong, independent woman.
What about you, Miles?
Are you bringing Monica?
No. She was at my place and
saw my A.A.R.P. magazine.
It was the kiss of death.
I guess I'll go stag.
That's the way things are now,
growing old alone, no
one to care for me,
getting shorter and
shorter until I turn into
a little puff of lint on the
floor of my pathetic room
at the Jewish retirement
center in Bethesda.
I need a big plate of fries.
Hey, Pat. Those fries look good.
You know, you're always
welcome to sit with us.
Not easy being the new guy, right?
I remember what that's like.
Do you need to lick your
fingers after each fry?
Sorry.
You going to Jim's dinner?
Probably not, right?
All those famous people in one room
could be a little intimidating.
Actually, I'm going to a
Childish Gambino concert.
Ah, come on.
You don't have to make up names
just 'cause you're going
to be home alone.
We've got a table. You
can come as my guest.
- No, But I'm...
- It's black tie, so you'll need a tux.
I do, too.
Outgrew my old one.
We can go shopping, huh?
Like two caballeros. Hah! We ride!
Hello, all!
- Oh!
- Hey!
Now, now.
I said now.
Sorry I'm late.
Lawrence O'Donnell called
to congratulate me this morning.
My God, the man can talk.
He went on and on.
I finally had to tell him
my toast was on fire.
You better get used to
getting compliments, Jim.
You're going to be hearing them
a lot at the awards dinner.
I'll need some fortification for that.
Time to wet my whistle. Excuse me.
Welcome back, big guy.
I understand congratulations
are in order.
This awards thing sounds like
it's gonna be a real shindig.
Indeed, I'm flattered.
But to be honest, I've never been a fan
of awards ceremonies.
But my wife, Doris,
oh, she used to love to
get dressed up and go.
But now that she's no longer with us,
I guess I'll have to face
the evening on my own.
Oh, you don't have to
be shy and hint around.
I'd love to go.
I smell something! I
don't recognize it!
It's not gym shoes.
It's not air freshener.
I'm making a beef bourguignon.
When did you learn how to cook?
When I realized you couldn't.
I think I was 5.
Very funny.
Well, you know, your Uncle Jim
is getting a lifetime
achievement award.
I know. I can't wait to be there.
It's so exciting. Wolf
Network bought us a table.
Your network paid for the table?
Yeah. Didn't yours?
Son of a...
We can still go together,
and you can sit at our table.
Uh, actually, Mom, I'm bringing a date.
A date?
Well, why wasn't I told about this?
- Oh, God. Mom.
- Who is she? Where is she from?
- Where did she go to school?
- Mom.
- What does she do?
- Mom!
Look, I know you and I do
a lot of stuff together,
but don't you think it's
time to maybe, you know,
sort of branch out, let someone else
be the plus one in your life?
No!
I'm not interested in dating anyone.
I enjoy being a solo act.
I like getting into the tub
without some 180-pounder
with a hairy back
climbing in with me.
That is not romantic.
That is a slippery floor
and a clogged drain.
And you're not missing
some companionship?
Maybe a little sex?
What?!
I can't believe you asked
your mother that question.
Yeah, talking about
sex was never exactly
in your wheelhouse.
I had to learn about it from Eldin.
He took me to the National
Zoo during mating season.
Let's just say when the Me Too movement
hits the hippo community,
there's going to be a lot
of explaining to do.
Mom, you sure you're gonna be okay
going to the awards dinner by yourself?
Oh, please. First of all, who
says I'm going by myself?
There are a lot of men
I could choose from.
That's the last time I
drive anywhere with you!
I mean, you almost ran
over that valet Parker.
Oh, Frank, I had to cut in.
You saw that line of cars.
It was moving slower
than the line outside
the women's room at the Kennedy Center.
I'm gonna go look for our table.
Oh, wow.
Corky, that is some dress.
It took a long time to
find the perfect one.
And I really splurged. You like it?
Yes, and apparently,
I'm not the only one.
I'm gonna go get a drink
'cause I want to avoid
what's about to happen.
Hey, Corky.
Oh, no. Katie.
Look at us. Isn't this funny?
Ha ha, yeah. Just a big hoot!
Hey, listen, when I found
out that you got fired
from "Wake Up, America," I
really meant to call you.
Please don't blame yourself.
It takes a special kind of personality
to make magic in the morning.
Hey, I heard you have a, what
do you call it, podcast.
So smart.
At your age, best to have a platform
where no one can see you.
Ladies, can we get a picture, please?
I cannot wait 'til "Who Wore it Best?"
Okay, so just remember,
underneath it all, she's
a very warm person.
But she can smell fear.
Hey, Mom. I want to
introduce you to my date.
This is Lauren McCoy.
Hello. Nice to see you.
Forgive me if I'm a little tongue tied.
- I'm just... I'm such a huge fan.
- Oh, thank you.
Lauren is an archivist
at the Smithsonian.
She is the top of her
class at Princeton,
she spent a tour with the Peace Corps,
and just finished two years studying
at the Royal College of Art in London.
Well. I'm leading with the résumé.
It's gonna save us a lot of time.
Very funny.
Lauren, it's very nice to meet you,
and I look forward to
getting to know you better.
And that is a good place to stop.
- Let's go to our table.
- What's your hurry?
So, Lauren, who's your favorite
Supreme Court justice?
The Notorious RBG.
Citizens United?
Overturn it.
Net Neutrality.
Essential.
Nice try, Mom. Let's go.
Beatles or Stones?
Well, there's no right
answer to that one.
And that is the right answer.
I did not see that coming.
I-I don't know, Pat.
Are you sure this is
the right look for me?
Are you kidding me? You're crushing it.
It was time to take it up a notch.
You just got to own it.
You're right.
Why fall into that middle-aged trap?
It's not a look, it's an attitude.
Ooh. Here comes the network brass.
Hello, Silverberg.
Not many men can pull
off a look like that.
- Thank you.
- I didn't say you were one of them.
Well, here we are.
In a room full of people
who had to give up a Saturday night
to listen to me give
some long-winded speech.
I don't know about them,
but I'm happy to be here.
Do I look alright?
I haven't worn a dress
since my christening.
You look lovely.
Let's get a drink. What would you like?
Two shots of tequila, and
a bourbon rocks for him.
I realize, Phyllis, I
don't know very much
about you other than that
you're Phil's sister.
I was the youngest of seven.
The only girl.
My mother, Phyllis, she just wanted one
to name after herself, but
she kept popping out boys.
We had Big Phil and Little Phil
and Baby Phil and Fat Phil and...
Hey, buddy, you don't
serve bourbon rocks
in a highball glass.
Anyway, um,
so, she finally had me.
And I guess I kind of became
the black sheep of the family.
Well I, too, was the black
sheep in my family.
Generations of men who wore suspenders,
and then this rebel put on a belt.
Well, here's to you and,
uh, keeping your pants up.
Look at that.
The Wolf Network is getting
their salads before us.
Go to the bar and steal some garnish.
I'm gonna go forage.
Hi, Diana.
Having a good time?
Why?
You know, I have a sneaking suspicion
that if you had a couple of drinks,
there might be a whole new Diana
who's the life of the party.
I'm drunk right now.
Well, Pat, looks like you met someone.
Uh, Jack. I-I-I didn't know
you'd be working this event.
This is Jack. We... We've
gone out a few times.
"Gone out"?
When you said you wanted
to see someone older,
I didn't think you meant
Grandpa Dorothy here.
Oh! I get it!
You're... You're gay.
Well, good for you.
That's... That's great. Really.
How did you not know I was gay?
No, of course I knew!
What did you think,
you gay knucklehead?
Uh, actually, uh, Jack, I-I'm not gay.
I'm Pat's boss.
In that outfit? Right.
Well hello, Mr. Dial.
Do you remember me?
I'm sorry.
I think everyone should be able
to make a living however they can,
but I'm not interested.
Oh no, Mr. Dial.
I'm CNC's largest shareholder.
And listen, you have to save me.
I thought tonight was
going to be exciting,
but all these news people are so dull.
It's like Yom Kippur in here.
Excuse me. I was sitting there.
Yeah, you were.
Listen, girlie, I was a
traffic cop in New York City,
so I know when someone is
parked where they shouldn't be.
Why? Has my meter expired?
And the tow truck is coming.
Dear Lord, are you fighting over me?
Please, please. Keep
your shirt on, girlie.
You can have your seat back.
But it's your loss, Mr. Dial.
You could have had a
lifetime achievement award
and two "Golden Globes."
Let's just brush that one off.
Nothing is gonna spoil my evening.
This is turning out to be quite a date.
Date? "Date," did you say?
Is something wrong?
No.
No, not... not at all.
I-I just see someone that I...
That I need to say hello to.
Would... Would you
excuse me for a moment?
Are you going to eat all those
little meatballs yourself?
Maybe.
I'll give you 10 bucks for one.
Cash only. I don't take cards.
I'm Nate Campbell, by the way.
Judge Campbell, D.C. Circuit Court.
You issued the first
court order supporting
transgender people in the military.
Good work.
And you're Murphy Brown.
I remember when you covered
a case of mine for "FYI."
So, how are you?
You can be general,
specific, or just say,
"I don't recall."
Oh, I'm... I'm pretty good.
I'm glad to be back at
work after being on
- the sidelines for a while.
- Ah, yes.
My children, they're after me
to retire, but what would I do?
Sit around all day in my robe?
I do that now at work.
It's a nice evening for Jim, isn't it?
Yes. Although to be honest, I'm
not much for these fancy events.
I'd much rather be at home
with a good documentary
and a bottle of wine.
Substitute hot chocolate
for bottle of wine
and you just described
my perfect evening.
Hmm.
Murphy, may I speak
with you for a moment?
Congratulations, Jim. A
well-deserved honor.
Thanks, Nate. Murphy, a word.
Yeah, I'll just be a minute.
I really need to speak with you.
I-I-I should head back to my table.
Oh, um... have my card.
Maybe we could get together sometime.
I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee.
Um, well, I...
Oh.
I'm sorry. I'm overstepping.
It was very nice talking with you.
Jim.
I'm sorry, Jim. What is it?
Murphy, it appears that Phyllis
thinks we're on a date.
Well, you are, aren't you?
No!
Is this about Doris?
Because I know she'd want you
to go on with your life.
It just doesn't seem right to
celebrate my career without her.
Here I am on this important
night with another woman.
Well, Jim, you can't just
close the book on your life.
Think about that memoir
you talked about writing.
This gives you a chance to
write a whole new chapter.
I-I don't know, Murphy. It just...
Will everyone please take their seats?
The program is about to begin.
It is my privilege now to
introduce tonight's honoree.
Ladies and gentlemen, the recipient
of the Lionel P. Humboldt
Lifetime Achievement Award,
Mr. Jim Dial.
Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
I had prepared tonight a
speech on the First Amendment,
but I think I'd like to
strike a more personal note
and express gratitude
to all the people I've
met along the way
who have helped me in my career
and who have become family...
Like those who are sitting right here.
Often, it's not the big things
you remember in life...
Although I certainly will
remember this one...
But it's the moments.
Stories from the road,
a great meal shared,
and something waiting for
you around the corner
when you least expect it.
I see many of you out there who make up
the next generation of reporters.
And I say to you, when you're chasing
the next big story,
don't forget to treasure the moments.
They will carry you through
the roughest of times,
and they will make up the
best chapters in your life
as they have mine so far.
How lucky am I to be reminded
that I still have open seas before me,
full of possibilities to explore?
Thank you very much.
That was a beautiful speech, Jim.
I'm so glad you brought
me here tonight.
I had a wonderful time.
I did, too.
It was a lovely... date.
Hey.
Headed home to unstrap yourself
from whatever apparatus
you used to get into that thing?
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, I am. Ugh.
You wanna meet for a burger afterwards?
If we unzip each other,
we could go right now.
Deal.
A widower, you say?
Well, Mr. Lionel P. Humboldt,
it's never too late to find love.
And I could be the wind
beneath your wheelchair.
What a night, am I right?
Food was actually pretty good.
Who knew you could find a
band like that in D.C.?
You two were able to... reconnect.
You guys want any music or anything?
I do.
The first time I've had a woman
in my old room since... never.
I think we pulled it off.
Smuggling me upstairs added a certain
something to the evening.
Thanks for letting me sleep
in your Harry Potter T-shirt.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Sorry. My mother's got
ears like a fruit bat.
Home free.
Oh, God!
I-I was just getting the paper.
I was just saying goodbye to Lauren.
I was just wanting to fall into a hole.
Uh-huh.
Well, could this possibly
get more awkward?
So, what's for breakfast? I'm starved!
Well, I guess it can.
Who's that guy?
A man. A man I met last night.
You slept with a man on the first date?
Technically, it wasn't a date.
We just met.
Who is he?
Look, Avery, just because
we live together,
that doesn't give you the right to give
the third degree to someone
I might bring home from time to time.
From time to time?
Are you using protection?
Avery, my uterus is in the
Museum of Natural History.
Point of order, this
is your mother's roof
that you're living under.
Alright, that's very judgmental.
I'm a judge.
Is it just me, or is
this a little weird?
Yeah, no, it's a little weird.
Oh, come on. We're all adults here.
So, who's hungry?
I've got half a yogurt
and a purse full of mini meatballs.
Ooh!
Uh, yeah, we'll be right there.
news in Washington for a change.
In two weeks, our good friend
and colleague of 30 years, Jim Dial,
will be the recipient of the Lionel P.
Humboldt
Lifetime Achievement Award for
Excellence in Journalism.
Congratulations, Jim.
We are so proud of you.
So that's our show.
Let's end this broadcast
before any breaking news
harshes our mellow.
See you again tomorrow.
How great is this for Jim?
And what an event it's going to be,
even if we do have to pay
for the table ourselves.
Jim's waiting for us over at Phil's.
Let's go.
Stop the presses.
The network always pays for the table.
This is cable news.
We're lucky we have you
guys and not puppets.
We're all just going
to have to chip in.
Well, would you look at
this gorgeous set-up.
Oh, no.
Not you.
I have had a lot of rotten secretaries,
but you were the worst.
No skills, loud,
ate the tops off all the muffins.
You remember me!
But that woman was the recently
widowed Caprice Feldman.
Now I'm the recently
widowed Caprice Morton.
As in Carl Morton.
Wait a minute. Carl Morton?
You mean the largest shareholder
in this cable network?
Yeah. I've been widowed twice now.
First Victor, then Carl.
Both with huge, generous hearts,
unfortunately covered in fat.
Yeah, both of them
dropped dead like that.
No warning, no lingering,
ah, which is just as well
'cause I'm no good at goodbyes.
Oh, God. I think I know
where this is going.
Bingo!
I inherited all of Carl's stock.
I own you.
And you and you,
and you guys up there,
you guys up there in
the nosebleed seats.
This isn't happening.
I have some fantastic ideas
for livening up this brand.
We're gonna take boobs,
booty, and banter
all the way to the bank.
Brownie, I'm just getting started.
Look out, world, Caprice Feldman Morton
is coming through!
Hold that elevator!
So, Murph, I guess for Jim's big night,
it's gonna be you and me, as usual.
Oh, I'm sorry, Frank, I've
decided to ask Avery.
He'd want to be there for Jim.
So, Corky...
I'm not going to be
your sloppy seconds.
Besides, I've decided to go solo.
I'm a strong, independent woman.
What about you, Miles?
Are you bringing Monica?
No. She was at my place and
saw my A.A.R.P. magazine.
It was the kiss of death.
I guess I'll go stag.
That's the way things are now,
growing old alone, no
one to care for me,
getting shorter and
shorter until I turn into
a little puff of lint on the
floor of my pathetic room
at the Jewish retirement
center in Bethesda.
I need a big plate of fries.
Hey, Pat. Those fries look good.
You know, you're always
welcome to sit with us.
Not easy being the new guy, right?
I remember what that's like.
Do you need to lick your
fingers after each fry?
Sorry.
You going to Jim's dinner?
Probably not, right?
All those famous people in one room
could be a little intimidating.
Actually, I'm going to a
Childish Gambino concert.
Ah, come on.
You don't have to make up names
just 'cause you're going
to be home alone.
We've got a table. You
can come as my guest.
- No, But I'm...
- It's black tie, so you'll need a tux.
I do, too.
Outgrew my old one.
We can go shopping, huh?
Like two caballeros. Hah! We ride!
Hello, all!
- Oh!
- Hey!
Now, now.
I said now.
Sorry I'm late.
Lawrence O'Donnell called
to congratulate me this morning.
My God, the man can talk.
He went on and on.
I finally had to tell him
my toast was on fire.
You better get used to
getting compliments, Jim.
You're going to be hearing them
a lot at the awards dinner.
I'll need some fortification for that.
Time to wet my whistle. Excuse me.
Welcome back, big guy.
I understand congratulations
are in order.
This awards thing sounds like
it's gonna be a real shindig.
Indeed, I'm flattered.
But to be honest, I've never been a fan
of awards ceremonies.
But my wife, Doris,
oh, she used to love to
get dressed up and go.
But now that she's no longer with us,
I guess I'll have to face
the evening on my own.
Oh, you don't have to
be shy and hint around.
I'd love to go.
I smell something! I
don't recognize it!
It's not gym shoes.
It's not air freshener.
I'm making a beef bourguignon.
When did you learn how to cook?
When I realized you couldn't.
I think I was 5.
Very funny.
Well, you know, your Uncle Jim
is getting a lifetime
achievement award.
I know. I can't wait to be there.
It's so exciting. Wolf
Network bought us a table.
Your network paid for the table?
Yeah. Didn't yours?
Son of a...
We can still go together,
and you can sit at our table.
Uh, actually, Mom, I'm bringing a date.
A date?
Well, why wasn't I told about this?
- Oh, God. Mom.
- Who is she? Where is she from?
- Where did she go to school?
- Mom.
- What does she do?
- Mom!
Look, I know you and I do
a lot of stuff together,
but don't you think it's
time to maybe, you know,
sort of branch out, let someone else
be the plus one in your life?
No!
I'm not interested in dating anyone.
I enjoy being a solo act.
I like getting into the tub
without some 180-pounder
with a hairy back
climbing in with me.
That is not romantic.
That is a slippery floor
and a clogged drain.
And you're not missing
some companionship?
Maybe a little sex?
What?!
I can't believe you asked
your mother that question.
Yeah, talking about
sex was never exactly
in your wheelhouse.
I had to learn about it from Eldin.
He took me to the National
Zoo during mating season.
Let's just say when the Me Too movement
hits the hippo community,
there's going to be a lot
of explaining to do.
Mom, you sure you're gonna be okay
going to the awards dinner by yourself?
Oh, please. First of all, who
says I'm going by myself?
There are a lot of men
I could choose from.
That's the last time I
drive anywhere with you!
I mean, you almost ran
over that valet Parker.
Oh, Frank, I had to cut in.
You saw that line of cars.
It was moving slower
than the line outside
the women's room at the Kennedy Center.
I'm gonna go look for our table.
Oh, wow.
Corky, that is some dress.
It took a long time to
find the perfect one.
And I really splurged. You like it?
Yes, and apparently,
I'm not the only one.
I'm gonna go get a drink
'cause I want to avoid
what's about to happen.
Hey, Corky.
Oh, no. Katie.
Look at us. Isn't this funny?
Ha ha, yeah. Just a big hoot!
Hey, listen, when I found
out that you got fired
from "Wake Up, America," I
really meant to call you.
Please don't blame yourself.
It takes a special kind of personality
to make magic in the morning.
Hey, I heard you have a, what
do you call it, podcast.
So smart.
At your age, best to have a platform
where no one can see you.
Ladies, can we get a picture, please?
I cannot wait 'til "Who Wore it Best?"
Okay, so just remember,
underneath it all, she's
a very warm person.
But she can smell fear.
Hey, Mom. I want to
introduce you to my date.
This is Lauren McCoy.
Hello. Nice to see you.
Forgive me if I'm a little tongue tied.
- I'm just... I'm such a huge fan.
- Oh, thank you.
Lauren is an archivist
at the Smithsonian.
She is the top of her
class at Princeton,
she spent a tour with the Peace Corps,
and just finished two years studying
at the Royal College of Art in London.
Well. I'm leading with the résumé.
It's gonna save us a lot of time.
Very funny.
Lauren, it's very nice to meet you,
and I look forward to
getting to know you better.
And that is a good place to stop.
- Let's go to our table.
- What's your hurry?
So, Lauren, who's your favorite
Supreme Court justice?
The Notorious RBG.
Citizens United?
Overturn it.
Net Neutrality.
Essential.
Nice try, Mom. Let's go.
Beatles or Stones?
Well, there's no right
answer to that one.
And that is the right answer.
I did not see that coming.
I-I don't know, Pat.
Are you sure this is
the right look for me?
Are you kidding me? You're crushing it.
It was time to take it up a notch.
You just got to own it.
You're right.
Why fall into that middle-aged trap?
It's not a look, it's an attitude.
Ooh. Here comes the network brass.
Hello, Silverberg.
Not many men can pull
off a look like that.
- Thank you.
- I didn't say you were one of them.
Well, here we are.
In a room full of people
who had to give up a Saturday night
to listen to me give
some long-winded speech.
I don't know about them,
but I'm happy to be here.
Do I look alright?
I haven't worn a dress
since my christening.
You look lovely.
Let's get a drink. What would you like?
Two shots of tequila, and
a bourbon rocks for him.
I realize, Phyllis, I
don't know very much
about you other than that
you're Phil's sister.
I was the youngest of seven.
The only girl.
My mother, Phyllis, she just wanted one
to name after herself, but
she kept popping out boys.
We had Big Phil and Little Phil
and Baby Phil and Fat Phil and...
Hey, buddy, you don't
serve bourbon rocks
in a highball glass.
Anyway, um,
so, she finally had me.
And I guess I kind of became
the black sheep of the family.
Well I, too, was the black
sheep in my family.
Generations of men who wore suspenders,
and then this rebel put on a belt.
Well, here's to you and,
uh, keeping your pants up.
Look at that.
The Wolf Network is getting
their salads before us.
Go to the bar and steal some garnish.
I'm gonna go forage.
Hi, Diana.
Having a good time?
Why?
You know, I have a sneaking suspicion
that if you had a couple of drinks,
there might be a whole new Diana
who's the life of the party.
I'm drunk right now.
Well, Pat, looks like you met someone.
Uh, Jack. I-I-I didn't know
you'd be working this event.
This is Jack. We... We've
gone out a few times.
"Gone out"?
When you said you wanted
to see someone older,
I didn't think you meant
Grandpa Dorothy here.
Oh! I get it!
You're... You're gay.
Well, good for you.
That's... That's great. Really.
How did you not know I was gay?
No, of course I knew!
What did you think,
you gay knucklehead?
Uh, actually, uh, Jack, I-I'm not gay.
I'm Pat's boss.
In that outfit? Right.
Well hello, Mr. Dial.
Do you remember me?
I'm sorry.
I think everyone should be able
to make a living however they can,
but I'm not interested.
Oh no, Mr. Dial.
I'm CNC's largest shareholder.
And listen, you have to save me.
I thought tonight was
going to be exciting,
but all these news people are so dull.
It's like Yom Kippur in here.
Excuse me. I was sitting there.
Yeah, you were.
Listen, girlie, I was a
traffic cop in New York City,
so I know when someone is
parked where they shouldn't be.
Why? Has my meter expired?
And the tow truck is coming.
Dear Lord, are you fighting over me?
Please, please. Keep
your shirt on, girlie.
You can have your seat back.
But it's your loss, Mr. Dial.
You could have had a
lifetime achievement award
and two "Golden Globes."
Let's just brush that one off.
Nothing is gonna spoil my evening.
This is turning out to be quite a date.
Date? "Date," did you say?
Is something wrong?
No.
No, not... not at all.
I-I just see someone that I...
That I need to say hello to.
Would... Would you
excuse me for a moment?
Are you going to eat all those
little meatballs yourself?
Maybe.
I'll give you 10 bucks for one.
Cash only. I don't take cards.
I'm Nate Campbell, by the way.
Judge Campbell, D.C. Circuit Court.
You issued the first
court order supporting
transgender people in the military.
Good work.
And you're Murphy Brown.
I remember when you covered
a case of mine for "FYI."
So, how are you?
You can be general,
specific, or just say,
"I don't recall."
Oh, I'm... I'm pretty good.
I'm glad to be back at
work after being on
- the sidelines for a while.
- Ah, yes.
My children, they're after me
to retire, but what would I do?
Sit around all day in my robe?
I do that now at work.
It's a nice evening for Jim, isn't it?
Yes. Although to be honest, I'm
not much for these fancy events.
I'd much rather be at home
with a good documentary
and a bottle of wine.
Substitute hot chocolate
for bottle of wine
and you just described
my perfect evening.
Hmm.
Murphy, may I speak
with you for a moment?
Congratulations, Jim. A
well-deserved honor.
Thanks, Nate. Murphy, a word.
Yeah, I'll just be a minute.
I really need to speak with you.
I-I-I should head back to my table.
Oh, um... have my card.
Maybe we could get together sometime.
I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee.
Um, well, I...
Oh.
I'm sorry. I'm overstepping.
It was very nice talking with you.
Jim.
I'm sorry, Jim. What is it?
Murphy, it appears that Phyllis
thinks we're on a date.
Well, you are, aren't you?
No!
Is this about Doris?
Because I know she'd want you
to go on with your life.
It just doesn't seem right to
celebrate my career without her.
Here I am on this important
night with another woman.
Well, Jim, you can't just
close the book on your life.
Think about that memoir
you talked about writing.
This gives you a chance to
write a whole new chapter.
I-I don't know, Murphy. It just...
Will everyone please take their seats?
The program is about to begin.
It is my privilege now to
introduce tonight's honoree.
Ladies and gentlemen, the recipient
of the Lionel P. Humboldt
Lifetime Achievement Award,
Mr. Jim Dial.
Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
I had prepared tonight a
speech on the First Amendment,
but I think I'd like to
strike a more personal note
and express gratitude
to all the people I've
met along the way
who have helped me in my career
and who have become family...
Like those who are sitting right here.
Often, it's not the big things
you remember in life...
Although I certainly will
remember this one...
But it's the moments.
Stories from the road,
a great meal shared,
and something waiting for
you around the corner
when you least expect it.
I see many of you out there who make up
the next generation of reporters.
And I say to you, when you're chasing
the next big story,
don't forget to treasure the moments.
They will carry you through
the roughest of times,
and they will make up the
best chapters in your life
as they have mine so far.
How lucky am I to be reminded
that I still have open seas before me,
full of possibilities to explore?
Thank you very much.
That was a beautiful speech, Jim.
I'm so glad you brought
me here tonight.
I had a wonderful time.
I did, too.
It was a lovely... date.
Hey.
Headed home to unstrap yourself
from whatever apparatus
you used to get into that thing?
Yeah.
As a matter of fact, I am. Ugh.
You wanna meet for a burger afterwards?
If we unzip each other,
we could go right now.
Deal.
A widower, you say?
Well, Mr. Lionel P. Humboldt,
it's never too late to find love.
And I could be the wind
beneath your wheelchair.
What a night, am I right?
Food was actually pretty good.
Who knew you could find a
band like that in D.C.?
You two were able to... reconnect.
You guys want any music or anything?
I do.
The first time I've had a woman
in my old room since... never.
I think we pulled it off.
Smuggling me upstairs added a certain
something to the evening.
Thanks for letting me sleep
in your Harry Potter T-shirt.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Sorry. My mother's got
ears like a fruit bat.
Home free.
Oh, God!
I-I was just getting the paper.
I was just saying goodbye to Lauren.
I was just wanting to fall into a hole.
Uh-huh.
Well, could this possibly
get more awkward?
So, what's for breakfast? I'm starved!
Well, I guess it can.
Who's that guy?
A man. A man I met last night.
You slept with a man on the first date?
Technically, it wasn't a date.
We just met.
Who is he?
Look, Avery, just because
we live together,
that doesn't give you the right to give
the third degree to someone
I might bring home from time to time.
From time to time?
Are you using protection?
Avery, my uterus is in the
Museum of Natural History.
Point of order, this
is your mother's roof
that you're living under.
Alright, that's very judgmental.
I'm a judge.
Is it just me, or is
this a little weird?
Yeah, no, it's a little weird.
Oh, come on. We're all adults here.
So, who's hungry?
I've got half a yogurt
and a purse full of mini meatballs.
Ooh!
Uh, yeah, we'll be right there.