Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Bickners - full transcript
Good morning.
Oh. jeez. Where is everybody?
Every Thursday morning at 10:00
we have a meeting.
It's not a surprise. it's not a new idea.
But is anybody ever here.
in their seats. ready to go?
At least you're here. Frank.
At least someone appreciates the
importance of...
- Frank!
- What?
Frank. are you all right?
- I'm tine. Miles.
- No you're not.
You're using Jim's cup.
What are you. crazy?
I just got a call.
Something I torgot about.
Blocked it out. I guess.
But there it was...
...my dentist appointment.
I tell you. all the blood lett my head.
I knew it wouldn't pay to be on time.
The meeting hasn't even started yet.
Frank. how come your head's all white?
Dentist appointment.
Oh. my God. isn't that Jim's cup?
You know. tardiness is a sign
ot hostility. I don't deserve this.
Sorry I'm late. everyone.
Although it looks like
I haven't missed anything.
I leaned against the sink in the men's room.
Got the tront ot my pants all wet.
Tell me it it looks tunny.
- Fine. really.
- Can't even tell.
Here we are. You just sit tor as
long as you want. use the phone.
- Am I walking too fast?
- Murphy.
Hi. Miles. I'm sorry I'm late.
I was just in a car accident
with these people.
- What?
- Oh. my God. are you all right?
- Was anybody hurt?
- Yes. we're fine.
It was just a tender-bender.
A cat ran into the street.
Mr. Bickner stopped. I was behind him.
- This is Myrna and Bob Bickner.
- This is-
Oh. there's no need to introduce them.
We watch you on television every week.
Yes. We know who each ot you are.
You're the one with that lovely voice.
You're always doing something dangerous.
You're the other blond one.
We don't know you.
Miles Silverberg. executive producer ot FYI.
How nice.
He's not on the show.
Now. there's a phone right here.
Oh. yes. We just have to call the church
and tell them that we'll be late...
...tor the senior citizens car wash.
I'm in charge ot the chamois.
I'm stuck behind him tor six blocks
while we move along at parade speed.
But do I get impatient? No. I tell myself.
I don't always have to be in a rush.
I can drive to work a little slower today.
Suddenly. he stops. I slam on the brakes.
but there wasn't anything I could do.
It's a miracle you were
all able to walk away.
It's not such a big deal.
I just tapped his bumper.
I could have tixed it with a tire iron...
...but Bob was atraid I'd damage
my reproductive organs.
Well. I guess this is goodbye.
Now remember.
I want to pay tor everything.
- You just give me a call.
- You are such a nice girl.
I know that I'm going to have to make you
a batch ot my special butternut cookies.
Well. Murphy. I'm glad we
ran into each other.
It's so nice to meet all ot you.
Keep up the good work.
What a sweet. adorable couple.
Okay. people. let's get
this meeting rolling.
That's odd. It's always right here.
I know there was unexpected
excitement this morning...
...but we've got a lot to cover.
Let's buckle down.
Frank. isn't that Jim's cup?
I guess it is.
Well. that's enough work tor now.
Let's take a live.
Just one more cookie.
I really mean it this time.
That's it. Boy. these are great.
That little Mrs. Bickner
sure knows how to bake.
Oh. no. Not again.
Why do you do this to yoursell. Robert?
Why do you keep coming back?
Can't you just accept the fact you don't
have what it takes to be my secretary?
The last time you were here. we had to
talk you down oil the Xerox machine.
No. Ms. Brown. that was the old Robert.
You are looking at
the new. improved Robert.
No more stuttering. No more fumbling.
No more voices telling me
to dress up like you.
I have been to therapy.
Oh. really? Robert. I have six letters
waiting to be typed...
...a call to be made turning down
Noriega's request tor an interview...
...and I need research done on
every pesticide study in the last 20 years.
Domestic or international?
Okay. Maybe I'm the crazy one
but I'll give you one more try.
- One.
- You won't be sorry. Ms. Brown.
Hi. Murphy.
I was just upstairs and I heard the news.
Tough break. I'm really sorry.
Who would have guessed. huh?
I just came down here to let you know
that we're all behind you 100 percent.
It there's anything I can do tor you.
just let me know.
Miles. what are you talking about?
Nothing.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's going on here?
Well. you know that nice elderly couple
who've been sending you cookies?
Yeah.
The ones who invited us all over
tor dinner and charades next Thursday?
They're suing you $1.5 million.
Gotta go.
I'm glad you were able
to meet with me.
I thought it was important
that we have a chance...
...to talk lace to lace
without any lawyers.
You know. they see a celebrity involved
in an accident. and belore you know it...
...they've talked nice people.
people like yourselves...
...into doing things
they ordinarily wouldn't.
- Oh. Howie's not like that.
- Howie?
Our grandson.
Your grandson is your lawyer?
We're very proud ol him.
Don't you think Howie is making
a little too much out ol this?
Alter all. he wasn't there.
He didn't see how I just tapped you.
Don't worry. dear. You don't have to pay
the 1.5 million. your insurance does.
We wouldn't take it lrom you.
That's not the point. Insurance is lor people
who really need the money.
Admit it. you're not really hurt.
now are you.
We're sullering lrom loss ol consortium.
Excuse me?
We haven't been able to have sex
at all since the accident.
Come on. Has it really been
that dillerent lor you?
Oh. yes. We have sex every day.
Wait a minute.
You're going to tell me you have sex...
...every day?
- You don't.
- Oh. yes.
- Every day.
- Until the accident.
I'm alraid I haven't been able to uphold
my conjugal duty.
It's the darnedest thing.
I get all ready to go...
...and then I remember the image
ol that white car ol yours...
...coming at me in the rearview mirror.
And so you're- I mean. you-
You think this is worth-
Come on. $1.5 million?
You don't know Bob.
Nothing like this has ever happened
to us belore.
We've been playing the lottery
lor three years.
Haven't won spit.
And now- Now we'll be able to travel.
And redecorate the house.
I've had my eye on a table saw.
Look. Mr. and Mrs. Bickner...
...you seem to have the idea
that suing me is going to-
Gotta run. Another doctor's appointment.
Then we're going to test drive
a Range Rover.
Goodbye. dear. Bye.
Frank. you can't drive home
lrom the dentist.
Because you don't have a car.
Remember. I dropped you oll.
Yes. I'm sure Jim still loves you.
Frank. honey. it's spelled
just like it sounds: F-O-N-T-A-N-A.
I'll see you in a lew minutes.
Yes. I'll tell her. Thank you.
- Good morning. Ms. Brown.
- No. Robert. it isn't.
I was just sitting in my car.
listening to a radio call-in show.
The topic was "Murphy Brown:
Should Her License Be Revoked?"
Six hundred people paid 50 cents apiece
to vote against me.
Ms. Brown. the phone has been
ringing oll the hook.
The Times, The Past.
public salety organizations...
...and a lew concerned citizens.
I told these people you had no statement.
These I relerred to your publicist.
And these I took the liberty ol reporting
to the police.
- Robert. I'm impressed.
- Today's mail. Hot tea.
MurphY-
Your hair looks weird. Miles.
Did you sleep with a hat on or something?
No.
Have you seen The World Globe?
Under your picture. it says:
"Stay out ol her way
il you're old and gray."
There's six more stanzas inside.
- What's wrong with my hair?
- It's llat.
God. when did they take this picture?
You yell at a parking attendant
one time...
Murphy. this is getting
way out ol hand.
Now. are you ready to talk
to our lawyers?
I remember a time when you didn't need
a lawyer belore you could breathe.
Back when Jacoby 8: Meyers
were just a couple ol kids...
...sitting around a go-cart track
waiting lor a pileup.
You've got your reputation
to think about.
Okay. okay-
I just want to scare oll
this Howie character.
The way he's put dollar signs in their eyes.
they think they're gonna get money.
Yeah. it's too bad.
They really are sweet people.
I hate this hair.
This is the last time I go
to Ted Koppe|'s barber.
Hello. sweetheart.
Don't you look nice.
Ms. Brown. hi.
I'm Howard Suttholl.
I'll be representing Grampy-
Mr. and Mrs. Bickner.
Hello. Mr. Suttholl.
Please. Howie.
Howie.
This is my attorney. Roger Moreland
and his associates.
Associates. Great.
I brought some homemade cookies.
I didn't know there'd be so many ol you.
I hope there's enough lor everyone.
Shall we get started?
I stood behind you at a bank once.
You probably don't remember.
As you know. the nature ol your
compensatory claims...
...will require serious scrutiny
by all parties concerned.
And certainly a lengthy
litigious conlrontation...
...would be both painlul and embarrassing
lor Mr. and Mrs. Bickner.
We have precedents. Tell him. Howie.
Right. right. Here's one.
Case in Philadelphia.
Kirkham v. Campbell. 1981.
Plaintill was struck
in a one-way residential zone.
Sullered reoccurring nightmares.
extensive psychoanalysis. blah. blah. blah.
Plaintill was awarded $1.75 million.
Wow. hey!
Interesting. counselor. But I believe
in that particular case...
...the delendant was exceeding
the speed limit...
...which would negate it
as a precedent in this case.
Great response. Rog.
Okay. the other case has to do
with a guy right here in D.C.
He sullered post-traumatic stress disorder
that resulted in a loss ol consortium...
...alter a TA kind ol like this one.
Do you believe my grandparents?
They did it every day.
And. Howie...
...don't lorget Wiggins v. Haflstatter.
I know. Grandma.
It has to do with a woman who was
a "sud-sucker" like Murphy.
I'm sorry. what did you say?
What did she say?
Sud-sucker. It's kind ol like
a hooch hound.
We'd hate lor Howie to have to
bring all that up in court.
But he would.
Hold on here. I haven't had
a drink in almost a year.
The issue isn't relevant
in my client's case.
That's what I thought too. Rog.
But people keep seeing her
coming in and out ol Phil's Bar.
Now all I gotta do is raise
a little doubt and...
Well. you know the routine. huh?
We haven't explored
an out-ol-court settlement.
- What?
- Good idea. I think we should talk about it.
No. we want our 1.5 million.
And il you won't do it. Howie.
we'll lind a lawyer who will.
What are you trying to do.
you greedy little leeches!
I've had it with you
and your stupid cookies.
There must be a stick ol butter in each one.
What are you trying to do. kill me?
Poor Murphy. I think it would be
a good idea il we lelt now.
And I think there's something a little sick
about people who have sex every day.
Why don't you give it a rest
lor a while.
Get yourselves a hobby! You Bickners!
Easy. MulPhY-
Jim?
Jim. Frank's here.
I know your nose is still out ol joint.
but I'm worried about him.
He disregarded doctor's orders to stay home
and he took a cab here.
I think he's been into the pain pills.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Jim.
Jim. Jim.
Jim. Jim. Jim.
Jim.
I thought you were
supposed to stay home.
I was. I was at home.
Sitting there.
Watching the lish tank.
And then I thought.
"Boy. I wish I had a lish."
- Pleasant chatting with you.
- Jim.
I got something lor you
at the lish store.
They wouldn't sell me any actual lish.
This is lor you.
Oh. isn't that touching?
What a lovely gesture lrom someone
who's obviously trying...
...to heal a relationship
which he treasures very. very much.
Oh. darn it all.
How can I stay mad
at such a pathetic display?
Thank you lor the mug.
Oh. Jim. I love you.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Oh. Judas. Frank. use the mug.
Good morning. Ms. Brown.
People called.
They wanted to know il they could get
a picture ol you next to the skid marks.
I can't take it anymore.
Everyone hates me.
I've tried not to let it bother me.
People have hated me belore.
but I dealt with it better.
I was younger. I was tougher.
I was drinking.
Come here. Come on.
That's right.
- This is all going to pass.
- No. it isn't.
I saw a car in the parking lot...
...that had a bumper sticker that said.
''I Brake For Bickners."
That's right. You just let it all out.
We'll hold your phone calls.
No one can bother you in your ollice.
Thank you. Robert.
What would I do without you?
Did you ever think you'd
hear me say that?
Well. actually. that's something
I needed to talk to you about.
I'm quitting.
- What? Why?
- I've been ollered another job.
A network job.
Network job? What kind ol network job?
- Vice president ol comedy development.
- What?
I know. When I applied lor it. it was
just another exercise in positive thinking.
But belore I knew it.
they were taking me to lunch...
...telling me they liked how I dressed.
saying I had an interesting spin on things.
Whatever that means.
Look...
...I'd love to stay
and talk some more...
...but I'm meeting the Charles brothers
in 20 minutes.
They're pitching me some new idea
about a bunch ol accountants.
I don't know. I think workplace comedies
are dead but...
Bye.
Hello. Murphy.
- Go away. Miles.
- Hey. why so glum?
Let's see that smile.
Maybe I can help.
Everyone who's lacing a lawsuit.
take one step lorward.
Not so last. Murphy.
Don't play with me. Miles.
I've hit old people.
I've got nothing to lose.
Listen to this:
Our lawyers pulled some liles
and lound out...
...that the Bickners got three tickets
in six months lor laulty brake lights.
- So?
- So...
...we can show contributory negligence
on the part ol the Bickners.
Which means the Bickners‘ case
is severely undermined.
Which means the Bickners have
reconsidered and are dropping the suit.
- You're kidding.
- No. It's all in the works.
Just a lew signatures and it's over.
This is great. The Gray Panthers
will quit sending me hate mail.
I don't have to wear a Jane Pauley mask
when I leave the house.
No more Bickners.
Miles. I could kiss you.
Instead. I'll just do this.
Hey. hey. Aretha.
- Give it a rest.
- Eldin. I had a great day.
You want to know why?
Because evil doesn't always win out.
Because I beat some people
at their own game.
Yes. I pulverized the Bickners.
Two ruthless. despicable
monsters ol greed...
...and I beat their stinky little brains out.
We're going to celebrate
with some microwave brownies.
lnlormation.
Yeah. I need the number
ol that Betty Ford place.
I'll call back.
Hello. I'm Bob. this is Myrna.
We're the Bickners.
The Bickners.
We just dropped by to say hello
to Miss Brown.
- Eldin. who was at the-?
- The Bickners.
What are you doing here. Bickners?
Myrna made you a blueberry pie.
I crimped the edges.
You did hear lrom Howie. didn't you?
- You do understand that this lawsuit is over.
- Yes. we know that.
We just wanted to make sure
there's no hard leelings.
That pie there looks heavy.
Maybe I ought to take that lor you.
Thank you. young man.
Aren't you an angel.
Here's a quarter.
My Nonnie used to give me quarters.
Murphy. we mostly came by
to say something.
Well. Myrna and I thought it over.
and |ile's too short to hold grudges.
So we lorgive you.
Excuse me?
Just because you squelched any hope
lor linancial security in our golden years...
...that's no reason lor us
to harbor resentment.
Look. let me explain something to you.
What you tried to do was wrong.
These kind ol lawsuits hurt everyone.
We all end up paying lor it
with higher insurance premiums...
...to the point where a lot ol people.
people like yourselves...
...can't even allord car insurance at all.
That's a very good point. Murphy.
But with $1.5 million in our pockets...
...higher premiums wouldn't have been
a problem lor us.
Well. Myrna and I got to be on our way.
Yes. now that this nasty lawsuit
is oll Bob's shoulders...
...his manliness has returned.
Why. all day. he's been pawing me
like a dog in a kennel.
I can see why.
Well. we've got to go. So long. Murphy.
Now. try to get a little rest.
You look dead tired.
- Good night.
- Goodbye.
Well. thank heaven
they spared us our lives.
Bob. look out lor the step.
Oh. jeez. Where is everybody?
Every Thursday morning at 10:00
we have a meeting.
It's not a surprise. it's not a new idea.
But is anybody ever here.
in their seats. ready to go?
At least you're here. Frank.
At least someone appreciates the
importance of...
- Frank!
- What?
Frank. are you all right?
- I'm tine. Miles.
- No you're not.
You're using Jim's cup.
What are you. crazy?
I just got a call.
Something I torgot about.
Blocked it out. I guess.
But there it was...
...my dentist appointment.
I tell you. all the blood lett my head.
I knew it wouldn't pay to be on time.
The meeting hasn't even started yet.
Frank. how come your head's all white?
Dentist appointment.
Oh. my God. isn't that Jim's cup?
You know. tardiness is a sign
ot hostility. I don't deserve this.
Sorry I'm late. everyone.
Although it looks like
I haven't missed anything.
I leaned against the sink in the men's room.
Got the tront ot my pants all wet.
Tell me it it looks tunny.
- Fine. really.
- Can't even tell.
Here we are. You just sit tor as
long as you want. use the phone.
- Am I walking too fast?
- Murphy.
Hi. Miles. I'm sorry I'm late.
I was just in a car accident
with these people.
- What?
- Oh. my God. are you all right?
- Was anybody hurt?
- Yes. we're fine.
It was just a tender-bender.
A cat ran into the street.
Mr. Bickner stopped. I was behind him.
- This is Myrna and Bob Bickner.
- This is-
Oh. there's no need to introduce them.
We watch you on television every week.
Yes. We know who each ot you are.
You're the one with that lovely voice.
You're always doing something dangerous.
You're the other blond one.
We don't know you.
Miles Silverberg. executive producer ot FYI.
How nice.
He's not on the show.
Now. there's a phone right here.
Oh. yes. We just have to call the church
and tell them that we'll be late...
...tor the senior citizens car wash.
I'm in charge ot the chamois.
I'm stuck behind him tor six blocks
while we move along at parade speed.
But do I get impatient? No. I tell myself.
I don't always have to be in a rush.
I can drive to work a little slower today.
Suddenly. he stops. I slam on the brakes.
but there wasn't anything I could do.
It's a miracle you were
all able to walk away.
It's not such a big deal.
I just tapped his bumper.
I could have tixed it with a tire iron...
...but Bob was atraid I'd damage
my reproductive organs.
Well. I guess this is goodbye.
Now remember.
I want to pay tor everything.
- You just give me a call.
- You are such a nice girl.
I know that I'm going to have to make you
a batch ot my special butternut cookies.
Well. Murphy. I'm glad we
ran into each other.
It's so nice to meet all ot you.
Keep up the good work.
What a sweet. adorable couple.
Okay. people. let's get
this meeting rolling.
That's odd. It's always right here.
I know there was unexpected
excitement this morning...
...but we've got a lot to cover.
Let's buckle down.
Frank. isn't that Jim's cup?
I guess it is.
Well. that's enough work tor now.
Let's take a live.
Just one more cookie.
I really mean it this time.
That's it. Boy. these are great.
That little Mrs. Bickner
sure knows how to bake.
Oh. no. Not again.
Why do you do this to yoursell. Robert?
Why do you keep coming back?
Can't you just accept the fact you don't
have what it takes to be my secretary?
The last time you were here. we had to
talk you down oil the Xerox machine.
No. Ms. Brown. that was the old Robert.
You are looking at
the new. improved Robert.
No more stuttering. No more fumbling.
No more voices telling me
to dress up like you.
I have been to therapy.
Oh. really? Robert. I have six letters
waiting to be typed...
...a call to be made turning down
Noriega's request tor an interview...
...and I need research done on
every pesticide study in the last 20 years.
Domestic or international?
Okay. Maybe I'm the crazy one
but I'll give you one more try.
- One.
- You won't be sorry. Ms. Brown.
Hi. Murphy.
I was just upstairs and I heard the news.
Tough break. I'm really sorry.
Who would have guessed. huh?
I just came down here to let you know
that we're all behind you 100 percent.
It there's anything I can do tor you.
just let me know.
Miles. what are you talking about?
Nothing.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's going on here?
Well. you know that nice elderly couple
who've been sending you cookies?
Yeah.
The ones who invited us all over
tor dinner and charades next Thursday?
They're suing you $1.5 million.
Gotta go.
I'm glad you were able
to meet with me.
I thought it was important
that we have a chance...
...to talk lace to lace
without any lawyers.
You know. they see a celebrity involved
in an accident. and belore you know it...
...they've talked nice people.
people like yourselves...
...into doing things
they ordinarily wouldn't.
- Oh. Howie's not like that.
- Howie?
Our grandson.
Your grandson is your lawyer?
We're very proud ol him.
Don't you think Howie is making
a little too much out ol this?
Alter all. he wasn't there.
He didn't see how I just tapped you.
Don't worry. dear. You don't have to pay
the 1.5 million. your insurance does.
We wouldn't take it lrom you.
That's not the point. Insurance is lor people
who really need the money.
Admit it. you're not really hurt.
now are you.
We're sullering lrom loss ol consortium.
Excuse me?
We haven't been able to have sex
at all since the accident.
Come on. Has it really been
that dillerent lor you?
Oh. yes. We have sex every day.
Wait a minute.
You're going to tell me you have sex...
...every day?
- You don't.
- Oh. yes.
- Every day.
- Until the accident.
I'm alraid I haven't been able to uphold
my conjugal duty.
It's the darnedest thing.
I get all ready to go...
...and then I remember the image
ol that white car ol yours...
...coming at me in the rearview mirror.
And so you're- I mean. you-
You think this is worth-
Come on. $1.5 million?
You don't know Bob.
Nothing like this has ever happened
to us belore.
We've been playing the lottery
lor three years.
Haven't won spit.
And now- Now we'll be able to travel.
And redecorate the house.
I've had my eye on a table saw.
Look. Mr. and Mrs. Bickner...
...you seem to have the idea
that suing me is going to-
Gotta run. Another doctor's appointment.
Then we're going to test drive
a Range Rover.
Goodbye. dear. Bye.
Frank. you can't drive home
lrom the dentist.
Because you don't have a car.
Remember. I dropped you oll.
Yes. I'm sure Jim still loves you.
Frank. honey. it's spelled
just like it sounds: F-O-N-T-A-N-A.
I'll see you in a lew minutes.
Yes. I'll tell her. Thank you.
- Good morning. Ms. Brown.
- No. Robert. it isn't.
I was just sitting in my car.
listening to a radio call-in show.
The topic was "Murphy Brown:
Should Her License Be Revoked?"
Six hundred people paid 50 cents apiece
to vote against me.
Ms. Brown. the phone has been
ringing oll the hook.
The Times, The Past.
public salety organizations...
...and a lew concerned citizens.
I told these people you had no statement.
These I relerred to your publicist.
And these I took the liberty ol reporting
to the police.
- Robert. I'm impressed.
- Today's mail. Hot tea.
MurphY-
Your hair looks weird. Miles.
Did you sleep with a hat on or something?
No.
Have you seen The World Globe?
Under your picture. it says:
"Stay out ol her way
il you're old and gray."
There's six more stanzas inside.
- What's wrong with my hair?
- It's llat.
God. when did they take this picture?
You yell at a parking attendant
one time...
Murphy. this is getting
way out ol hand.
Now. are you ready to talk
to our lawyers?
I remember a time when you didn't need
a lawyer belore you could breathe.
Back when Jacoby 8: Meyers
were just a couple ol kids...
...sitting around a go-cart track
waiting lor a pileup.
You've got your reputation
to think about.
Okay. okay-
I just want to scare oll
this Howie character.
The way he's put dollar signs in their eyes.
they think they're gonna get money.
Yeah. it's too bad.
They really are sweet people.
I hate this hair.
This is the last time I go
to Ted Koppe|'s barber.
Hello. sweetheart.
Don't you look nice.
Ms. Brown. hi.
I'm Howard Suttholl.
I'll be representing Grampy-
Mr. and Mrs. Bickner.
Hello. Mr. Suttholl.
Please. Howie.
Howie.
This is my attorney. Roger Moreland
and his associates.
Associates. Great.
I brought some homemade cookies.
I didn't know there'd be so many ol you.
I hope there's enough lor everyone.
Shall we get started?
I stood behind you at a bank once.
You probably don't remember.
As you know. the nature ol your
compensatory claims...
...will require serious scrutiny
by all parties concerned.
And certainly a lengthy
litigious conlrontation...
...would be both painlul and embarrassing
lor Mr. and Mrs. Bickner.
We have precedents. Tell him. Howie.
Right. right. Here's one.
Case in Philadelphia.
Kirkham v. Campbell. 1981.
Plaintill was struck
in a one-way residential zone.
Sullered reoccurring nightmares.
extensive psychoanalysis. blah. blah. blah.
Plaintill was awarded $1.75 million.
Wow. hey!
Interesting. counselor. But I believe
in that particular case...
...the delendant was exceeding
the speed limit...
...which would negate it
as a precedent in this case.
Great response. Rog.
Okay. the other case has to do
with a guy right here in D.C.
He sullered post-traumatic stress disorder
that resulted in a loss ol consortium...
...alter a TA kind ol like this one.
Do you believe my grandparents?
They did it every day.
And. Howie...
...don't lorget Wiggins v. Haflstatter.
I know. Grandma.
It has to do with a woman who was
a "sud-sucker" like Murphy.
I'm sorry. what did you say?
What did she say?
Sud-sucker. It's kind ol like
a hooch hound.
We'd hate lor Howie to have to
bring all that up in court.
But he would.
Hold on here. I haven't had
a drink in almost a year.
The issue isn't relevant
in my client's case.
That's what I thought too. Rog.
But people keep seeing her
coming in and out ol Phil's Bar.
Now all I gotta do is raise
a little doubt and...
Well. you know the routine. huh?
We haven't explored
an out-ol-court settlement.
- What?
- Good idea. I think we should talk about it.
No. we want our 1.5 million.
And il you won't do it. Howie.
we'll lind a lawyer who will.
What are you trying to do.
you greedy little leeches!
I've had it with you
and your stupid cookies.
There must be a stick ol butter in each one.
What are you trying to do. kill me?
Poor Murphy. I think it would be
a good idea il we lelt now.
And I think there's something a little sick
about people who have sex every day.
Why don't you give it a rest
lor a while.
Get yourselves a hobby! You Bickners!
Easy. MulPhY-
Jim?
Jim. Frank's here.
I know your nose is still out ol joint.
but I'm worried about him.
He disregarded doctor's orders to stay home
and he took a cab here.
I think he's been into the pain pills.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Jim.
Jim. Jim.
Jim. Jim. Jim.
Jim.
I thought you were
supposed to stay home.
I was. I was at home.
Sitting there.
Watching the lish tank.
And then I thought.
"Boy. I wish I had a lish."
- Pleasant chatting with you.
- Jim.
I got something lor you
at the lish store.
They wouldn't sell me any actual lish.
This is lor you.
Oh. isn't that touching?
What a lovely gesture lrom someone
who's obviously trying...
...to heal a relationship
which he treasures very. very much.
Oh. darn it all.
How can I stay mad
at such a pathetic display?
Thank you lor the mug.
Oh. Jim. I love you.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Oh. Judas. Frank. use the mug.
Good morning. Ms. Brown.
People called.
They wanted to know il they could get
a picture ol you next to the skid marks.
I can't take it anymore.
Everyone hates me.
I've tried not to let it bother me.
People have hated me belore.
but I dealt with it better.
I was younger. I was tougher.
I was drinking.
Come here. Come on.
That's right.
- This is all going to pass.
- No. it isn't.
I saw a car in the parking lot...
...that had a bumper sticker that said.
''I Brake For Bickners."
That's right. You just let it all out.
We'll hold your phone calls.
No one can bother you in your ollice.
Thank you. Robert.
What would I do without you?
Did you ever think you'd
hear me say that?
Well. actually. that's something
I needed to talk to you about.
I'm quitting.
- What? Why?
- I've been ollered another job.
A network job.
Network job? What kind ol network job?
- Vice president ol comedy development.
- What?
I know. When I applied lor it. it was
just another exercise in positive thinking.
But belore I knew it.
they were taking me to lunch...
...telling me they liked how I dressed.
saying I had an interesting spin on things.
Whatever that means.
Look...
...I'd love to stay
and talk some more...
...but I'm meeting the Charles brothers
in 20 minutes.
They're pitching me some new idea
about a bunch ol accountants.
I don't know. I think workplace comedies
are dead but...
Bye.
Hello. Murphy.
- Go away. Miles.
- Hey. why so glum?
Let's see that smile.
Maybe I can help.
Everyone who's lacing a lawsuit.
take one step lorward.
Not so last. Murphy.
Don't play with me. Miles.
I've hit old people.
I've got nothing to lose.
Listen to this:
Our lawyers pulled some liles
and lound out...
...that the Bickners got three tickets
in six months lor laulty brake lights.
- So?
- So...
...we can show contributory negligence
on the part ol the Bickners.
Which means the Bickners‘ case
is severely undermined.
Which means the Bickners have
reconsidered and are dropping the suit.
- You're kidding.
- No. It's all in the works.
Just a lew signatures and it's over.
This is great. The Gray Panthers
will quit sending me hate mail.
I don't have to wear a Jane Pauley mask
when I leave the house.
No more Bickners.
Miles. I could kiss you.
Instead. I'll just do this.
Hey. hey. Aretha.
- Give it a rest.
- Eldin. I had a great day.
You want to know why?
Because evil doesn't always win out.
Because I beat some people
at their own game.
Yes. I pulverized the Bickners.
Two ruthless. despicable
monsters ol greed...
...and I beat their stinky little brains out.
We're going to celebrate
with some microwave brownies.
lnlormation.
Yeah. I need the number
ol that Betty Ford place.
I'll call back.
Hello. I'm Bob. this is Myrna.
We're the Bickners.
The Bickners.
We just dropped by to say hello
to Miss Brown.
- Eldin. who was at the-?
- The Bickners.
What are you doing here. Bickners?
Myrna made you a blueberry pie.
I crimped the edges.
You did hear lrom Howie. didn't you?
- You do understand that this lawsuit is over.
- Yes. we know that.
We just wanted to make sure
there's no hard leelings.
That pie there looks heavy.
Maybe I ought to take that lor you.
Thank you. young man.
Aren't you an angel.
Here's a quarter.
My Nonnie used to give me quarters.
Murphy. we mostly came by
to say something.
Well. Myrna and I thought it over.
and |ile's too short to hold grudges.
So we lorgive you.
Excuse me?
Just because you squelched any hope
lor linancial security in our golden years...
...that's no reason lor us
to harbor resentment.
Look. let me explain something to you.
What you tried to do was wrong.
These kind ol lawsuits hurt everyone.
We all end up paying lor it
with higher insurance premiums...
...to the point where a lot ol people.
people like yourselves...
...can't even allord car insurance at all.
That's a very good point. Murphy.
But with $1.5 million in our pockets...
...higher premiums wouldn't have been
a problem lor us.
Well. Myrna and I got to be on our way.
Yes. now that this nasty lawsuit
is oll Bob's shoulders...
...his manliness has returned.
Why. all day. he's been pawing me
like a dog in a kennel.
I can see why.
Well. we've got to go. So long. Murphy.
Now. try to get a little rest.
You look dead tired.
- Good night.
- Goodbye.
Well. thank heaven
they spared us our lives.
Bob. look out lor the step.