Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996): Season 9, Episode 20 - Ship of Thieves - full transcript

It's true what
they say, Jessica.

A skipper's first
love is his ship.

Dennis Stanton!

As far as the law goes, I'm it.

JESSICA: Quite clearly,
we're on a ship of thieves.

Jessica, you know, that could
roughly be half the people on this ship.

Now you've got J.B.
Fletcher on our case.

You really are into cruising,
aren't you, Mr. Brinegar?

All I'm asking you is if you...

Molly, listen! I
wasn't following her.

JESSICA: mysterious
criminal, Amber.



WOMAN: Never point a gun at
someone you don't intend to kill.

Agnes Lowry?

Yes.

I'm the one who left
you the message.

You alone?

As promised. My boss
guarantees you immunity.

But I've gotta be on that boat first thing
in the morning knowing who the courier is.

You were gonna
have that in writing.

I do.

After all these years, somehow
I thought Amber would be older.

Well, you must come up against
a lot of surprises in your business.

(GROANS)

WENDY ON PA: fellow shipmates on
deck, as we make ready to cast the lines

and set sail for the Caribbean.



Welcome aboard, Mrs. Fletcher.

Your luggage will be in
your stateroom, number 805,

located on the Promenade
Deck. Happy cruise, Mrs. Fletcher.

Thank you very much,
and bon voyage to you.

(WENDY CHATTERING ON PA)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Thank you.

Welcome aboard, Miss Lowry. Your
luggage will be located in your stateroom,

number 911, located
on the Promenade Deck.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

WENDY ON PA: Lunchtime
melodies! Enjoy a free lunch and drinks...

LESLIE: Jessica Beatrice
McGill, I can't believe my eyes.

Oh, Jess, it is you, isn't it?

Leslie Hunter?

(LAUGHING) Yes!

Oh, goodness!

Honestly, you haven't
changed that much at all,

and it's been, what, 30 years?

Bar Harbor. You were
on your way to Europe.

That's right, with
the Italian boy.

Yes.

Lorenzo. Mmm, a misfire. There
were a lot of them, I'm afraid.

And then you went into
the travel business, I think.

Mmm-hmm. And you married, I know,
because your name changed to Fletcher.

See? I've even read some of
your books. And enjoyed them.

Are you alone?

Yes. Intentionally. I managed
to finish the first draft of

my new novel ahead of schedule, so
my editor gave me this trip as a reward.

He thought I needed to pay
attention to my inner being for a while.

(CHUCKLES) Well, look, Jess, there's
someone that I really want you to meet.

Oh, we've got plenty
of time for that, Leslie.

Oh, not right this minute.
He happens to be the,

um, skipper on this tub,

and he's throwing a
little party for the in group.

Please, Jess, it
is kind of special.

Well...

Great. I will pick
you up at 5:30. Ciao!

WENDY ON PA: A great gaming
school! Come on in and learn

the game of your choice at
the Lido casino on Deck 14.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Knock, Mr. Worthington,
with two points.

Is it because you're so
doggone pretty, Miss Peale,

that the cards come
to you like that?

It's just my lucky
day, Mr. Worthington.

Tomorrow'll be yours.

It's your play, Mr. Worthington.

INSTRUCTOR: Step and
down and up and down.

Champagne, compliments
of Captain O'Neil?

No, thanks.

Miss, champagne,
compliments of Captain O'Neil?

(GLASS SHATTERING)

PHILLIP: Oh, I'm so sorry...

Hey, hey, just leave it
alone. Don't even bother.

MOLLY: Lance, he
didn't mean to do it.

Where do they hire
you people, anyway?

For God's sake, Lance, stop it.
You're gonna lose this guy his job.

(SHIP HORN BLOWING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Janet, Janet, it's Roland
Devereux, remember?

No. Why should I?

Wait a minute. Miramar
Hotel, Buffalo, three years ago?

Didn't you hear me? Shove off.

That was your last year,
when we roomed together.

And you took marathon showers
and used all the hot water,

and the girls always
blamed me, you know.

I never!

An orgiastic 20, 25 minutes in
the shower still isn't too long, is it?

Oh, thanks a lot!

Leslie tells me you're planning to
retire after this trip, Captain O'Neil.

Won't you miss the sea?

O'NEIL: I'm not so sure
about that, Mrs. Fletcher.

But I never grew so attached to a
ship as I have the Lady Wellington.

Ten years in the Caribbean.

You don't get duty
any cushier than that.

It's true what
they say, Jessica.

A skipper's first
love is his ship.

When we get back,
she'll be refitted,

so she can compete with
the newer cruise ships.

As you can see, she's
got all the technology.

Computer link to the main
frame in Miami, fax, modem...

Captain, over here.

Excuse us, Mrs. Fletcher.

(SIGHS)

J.B. Fletcher is represented in the
ship's library by two recent hardbacks,

both of which I've read. Twice.

Dennis?

Ah!

What in heaven's name
are you doing here?

If I didn't know you
quite as well as I do,

I'd consider that
an impolite question.

As if a retired
gentleman... Retired?

Erstwhile insurance investigator, has
no right to relax on a Caribbean cruise,

on the same boat as
the rich and famous.

Yes, I am on an
extended vacation.

What are you doing here?

I'm unwinding between drafts.

(LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY)

of course I am.

By the way, if you're still
drawing characters from life,

you'll find Alma Sobel and son
Marvin very tempting subjects.

If I was still in the business,

Mrs. Sobel could be an
insurance investigator's nightmare.

Oh, why do you say that?

Just pray you don't find out.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

We're here for the
Captain's reception.

Oh, I'm sorry, this
is the powder room.

Uh, the Captain's
entrance is that way.

Very sorry.

You're welcome.

All right, Jess, on a
scale from 1 to 10?

Now, Leslie, don't
put me on the spot.

Please. My Captain Rory?

Well, he seems intelligent,
he certainly has feeling,

and he's undeniably attractive.

And?

Look, if you're asking
me for an endorsement,

you must be uncertain
in your own mind.

(SIGHS) Well, he's... He's
bought this big old ranch

outside of Carmel
in Northern California.

He's changing the main
house into a bed and breakfast.

And over the years, he's collected a
lot of antiques to decorate the place.

He's having a bunch of them brought
on board this week in Old Town.

Every room's gonna have its
own distinctive style, and he's...

(SIGHS) He's gonna raise
Weimaraners and cultivate roses.

Well, good Lord, Leslie. I mean,
you can't do any better than that.

We've been seeing each
other for a year, Jess,

and it is very
serious, but, uh...

But he hasn't asked
me to be any part of it.

Everybody gets to guess the exact
time the Lady Wellington crosses

the 25th parallel
tomorrow night.

So write your name and cabin
number, and take a wild guess.

Sometime between 9:30 and
10:30, but it's gotta be to the minute.

You know, when Marv Sr. and I
crossed during our honeymoon,

well, a wonderful older
gentleman of 86 years old,

he won this prize. Then he
keeled over and dropped dead.

Oh, Mom, for goodness sakes.

ALMA: Well, it's true. You know,
at first, everybody kind of thought

it was the excitement
of his winning.

Then they said, no, maybe it's
because he has a new bride, 29 years old.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Leslie, I'm going to try and
catch 30 or 40 winks before dinner.

LESLIE: All right, Jess.

Oh, excuse me, Mrs.
Sobel. I think that's my pen.

OH? Oh, Mrs. Fletcher,
you've made a mistake.

You have a pen
just like this one.

I know, because it's
my favorite pen, too.

Ta-ta, ladies. Come on, sonny.
Time to go get dressed for din-din.

(JESSICA GROANS)

ON PHONE: Ship operator.

Security, please.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey.

Would you like to go dance?

Uh, let me get a
drink first, okay?

I need a beer.
BARTENDER: Yes, sir.

Hi.

Hello.

You all alone, a
pretty woman like you?

You really are into cruising,
aren't you, Mr. Brinegar?

How do you know my name?

Is that your wife?

No. Just somebody I'm with.

Mmm. Then maybe we will
be seeing more of each other.

Room 911.

JESSICA: Well, whoever it
was, was as bold as brass.

I'm not even sure whether
it was a man or a woman,

they left so quickly.

But I've been through everything
very carefully, and all they took was

a pair of gold earrings.

Well, thank goodness for that.

Thank goodness for what? I
mean, value's not the point.

They just happened to be
a gift from my late husband.

Oh, shoot. I'm
sorry, Mrs. Fletcher.

So, they weren't the Crown
Jewels. But from the standpoint

of sentimental value, they
were worth a great deal more.

Yes. Uh, Mr. Polachek,
you're a steward.

I thought I called Security.

You're looking at
him, Mrs. Fletcher.

The official security guy's
in the Infirmary. Sea sick.

Captain O'Neil gave me
the temporary assignment.

I see. Well, I'm sure
you'll do your best.

Count on it, Mrs. Fletcher.

Excuse me.

Oh, Mrs. Fletcher?

Oh, Mr. Sobel. Come in.

Oh, thank you, I can't stay.
I just wanted to drop this by.

I think it belongs to you.

Yes, it's mine.

Oh, I'm really sorry
for the inconvenience.

(SIGHS)

My mother has this problem when it
comes to small, glittery little keepsakes.

It's called kleptomania.

I see.

It doesn't make much sense.
We've seen psychiatrists and all that,

and they know less
about it than I do, so...

Mr. Sobel, I think I
understand your problem.

Thank you for your trouble.

Oh, no, it's no
trouble, Mrs. Fletcher.

I watch my mom closely,
and try to return what I can.

(SIGHS) Wow.

(WENDY CHATTERING ON PA)

(GASPS)

What the hell are you doing?

The earrings, Diana.

Eighteen carat gold, Rolly.
What's the matter with that?

I did like we always do.

It's gonna screw things
up, is what's the matter.

I'm onto something
big this time.

And you're worried that a crummy pair
of earrings is going to get in the way?

It's not the earrings, airhead,
it's who they belong to.

Don't you understand?

Now you've got J.B.
Fletcher on our case.

MC ON MIKE: The International
Showboat Lounge presents

the master of Merlin's
art, Roland Devereux.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(ALL GASP)

(COOING)

ROLAND: Now,
ladies and gentlemen,

I am going to psychometrically
read one of you

through an object I
am holding in my hand.

There is an attractive lady in a
hot pink outfit, seated at Table 3...

I am reading her vibrations.

She has lost something of
value, but it will be returned to her.

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

The vibrations tell me that
this lady is a writer of mysteries,

but even she cannot fathom
the arcane secrets of Merlin's art.

(EXCLAIMING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

To you.

MC: Yes, isn't he
fantastic? Roland Devereux!

The Lady Wellington now
invites you to dance with

Brandon Boyle and
his Big Band of Swing.

ALMA: Oh, my goodness,
what beautiful earrings! Wow!

(CHUCKLING)

Would you care to dance?

Oh, no, thank you, Dennis.
I've been on my feet all day.

I will take you up on
some fresh air, though.

Ah. Good idea.

I think that Roland's
so-called psychometric talents

are nothing more than a
good memory for the details

he picks up from
personal articles.

Oh, easier than that. He read all
about you in the ship's newsletter,

under Celebrity Guests.

They must have published the
number of my stateroom, too.

Someone should land
heavily on them for that.

Oh, Jessica, when
you look at me like that,

either I've got the
wrong necktie on, or...

All right, Dennis, now, look,
we've only been at sea for day,

and already my pen and a pair
of earrings have been stolen.

Granted, they've been returned, but
I... Clearly, we're on a ship of thieves,

and I think you know a great deal
more about it than you're letting on.

Jessica, that's not very nice.

Dennis... I mean, you're simply
not yourself. Look at your clothes.

Dennis Stanton is a Savile Row
man, not a Rienzi of Florence.

I mean, nothing
about you rings true.

And don't tell me that
you're on a holiday cruise.

And if you don't want to advertise
that shoulder holster you're wearing,

I suggest that you wear something more
substantial than that lightweight suit.

(CHUCKLES) You're
absolutely right.

You see before you the Chief
of Security for the Duchess Line.

(LAUGHING)

Now, that I can believe.

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

DENNIS: Insurance investigation
got to be something of a bore.

I had a sudden yen to travel,
and then this job popped up.

The work is minimal, but it enables
me to live in a manner to which

I've grown accustomed,
beyond my means.

You always seem to be able to
carry that off quite handsomely.

Tell me, what is the
Chief of Security doing

on the last voyage of
the Lady Wellington?

Nostalgia, perhaps?

I read about a Caribbean money
laundering scheme, a mysterious criminal,

Amber, who managed to escape
an FBI dragnet three years ago.

Jessica, my assignment
is infinitely more prosaic.

We watch for passengers
who prey on others.

Now, for instance, if I were to
pick someone to keep an eye on,

it would be that
young man over there.

You mean he's on your list?

DENNIS: Mmm. Implicated numerous
times, but never apprehended.

Oh, he's very bright. He could
have done a lot more with his life.

I don't think the young lady will be
wearing that splendid diamond pendant

too much longer.

(DENNIS CHUCKLING)

MAN ON PA: Ladies and
gentlemen, reporting from the bridge,

we are now approaching
the Grand Cayman Island.

Sorry I had to let myself in,

but you didn't answer any
of my notes or phone calls.

What do you want, Roland?

She remembers my name.

Whatever you're fixing
to do, I want a piece of it.

And what is it you
think I'm fixing to do?

Well, I hear there's a bunch of drug
money hidden someplace down this way.

Everybody's coming after it.

Now, you're using an alias, meaning
to me you know what you're doing.

And if it's as big as I hear, I
expect there's enough to go around.

Or else what?

Or else, I go to whoever's
running this rust bucket,

and tell 'em Miss
Lowry ain't Miss Lowry,

and that I remember her
from Buffalo three years ago,

where she was scamming an
old duffer out of his life savings.

And you'll neglect to mention you were
running a con on the very same mark.

You think I'm gonna kill you?

You caught me in a good mood,
Roland. I'm gonna let you in.

Here's how it's gonna go. I can't tell you
anything. You're gonna have to trust me.

When it's going
down, you'll know.

And you'll get yours.

You haven't forgotten how we
resolved our differences in Buffalo?

(HORN BLARING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

WENDY ON PA: Attention,
everyone, a guided tour of Old Town

at the Turtle Bar will be
leaving in exactly half an hour.

Don't be late!

(PASSENGERS CHATTERING)

Rory had an early morning
appointment with his bank in Old Town.

You know, he should
be back by now.

Look, you go on to
breakfast, Jessica.

I'm going to... I'm
going to surprise him.

Will I meet you in Old Town?

Uh, when you finish with breakfast,
why don't you meet me back here,

and we'll leave together.

Good.

WENDY ON PA: Afternoon
bingo. The jackpot is now $1, 100.

(PASSENGERS CHATTERING)

(INDISTINCT ARGUING)

ON PA: call out
the lucky numbers.

See you in the International Show
Lounge. That's on Promenade Deck 7.

Everything all right, Molly?

Oh, I guess.

Are you going into Old Town?

Yes. I think.

Do you believe in
kismet, Mrs. Fletcher?

You mean that magic something?

No. No, for my money,
relationships don't just happen.

Why do you ask?

I thought it was kismet
with Lance and me.

We decided to get married,
and I wanted a honeymoon cruise,

and Lance said great, but let's
make sure the chemistry's right.

We'll get married
after the cruise.

That way, this is my treat,
and the honeymoon's his.

Well, that's okay, too.

But what I mind is this...
This big attitude change.

It's not like it's the money. I mean,
goodness knows, this ship is cut-rate,

seeing how old the boat is
and how bad the service is.

More coffee, ladies?

Oh, no.

Don't apologize.

I know the boat is falling apart, and
I'm not exactly a world-class steward,

but then, it's not like this
is my goal in life, either...

(EXCLAIMS) I'm sorry!

(SIGHS)

The shipment can be here
no later than 3:00, Philippe.

We weigh anchor at 5:30.

Hello, Captain.

Ah, Mrs. Fletcher.
Leslie will be right back.

This is Philippe Duval, the gentleman
who's rounded up most of the antiques

I'm taking to California.
Philippe, meet J.B. Fletcher.

How do you do?

Pleasure, Madam.

I had the pleasure this morning of
closing down my Old Town bank account.

This check finishes the process.

Many thanks, old friend.

And long life,
Captain. And good luck.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Well, I've timed that perfectly.
Now, I think that this captain

should take these two unattached
females to lunch in Old Town.

(LAUGHS) Captain?

I don't think I have any choice.

(BOTH GIGGLING) Ladies...

ON PA: Hi! It's Wendy,
with today's photo tip.

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

I'm so sorry...

Oh, no, it was my fault. I
wasn't looking where I was going.

Doesn't this strike you as odd?

What?

I'm frequently talking
to you from the floor.

Oh, you...

I spilled coffee all over
your table this morning.

Your ever-faithful
steward, Philip Polachek.

I'm so sorry. I feel terrible.

Don't. Look, uh, I
don't see Mr. Brinegar,

and I'm really hungry. I'd like
to take you to lunch, Miss Altrip.

No. I mean, you don't take me,

I take you. Lance was
supposed to meet me an hour ago.

AGNES: I'll be right out, Lance.

You make a habit of that?

Your mama teach you to go through a
girl's things when she's out of the room?

(COCKS GUN)

Never point a gun at
someone you don't intend to kill.

Oh.

Have you killed with it?

Yes.

Get outta here.

Then don't ask.

Then why'd you keep it?

To protect myself
from predators.

And fools.

(SNICKERING)

It seems we have
a lot in common.

We both like to
live dangerously.

(LAUGHS)

Honey, you don't
know what dangerous is.

MC ON MIKE: Ladies and
gentlemen, Sammy Goldstein!

SAMMY: (SINGING) My
favorite girl is from Czechoslovakia

And I really must confess

I took her home to meet my folks

But my folks don't accept Czechs

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

SAMMY: Well, there's
one girl I appreciated,

and, uh, I wanted to buy this girl a ring,
so I asked her what her ring size was.

She said, two and a half carats.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I left my medication in
the cabin. I'll be right back.

Okay, hon. Ooh, and
Marvin, on the way back,

could you pop into the pantry and
find me one of those delicious eclairs

with the gloppy, goopy centers?

Sure, Mom. Okay, thanks.

Call for you, Miss Lowry.

Thank you.

Hello?

Sounds good to me. Of course.

I'll be there. Count on it.

SAMMY: Oh, look over there! There's
a passenger over there that looks

just like Lon Chaney...

I'll be right back.

SAMMY: Oh, I'm so sorry, Madam.

(AUDIENCE JEERING)

MC ON MIKE: Ladies and
gentlemen, the bridge reports

that we are now
crossing the 25th parallel.

(PASSENGERS CHEERING)

(FIRECRACKERS WHISTLING)

We'll give the crew a few minutes
to go through the contest cards,

and then Sammy Goldstein
will announce the winner

of the 25th Parallel
Crossing Contest

in the Showboat Lounge.
Good luck, everyone.

(CLANKING)

(GROANS)

(GUN FIRES)

Folks, folks, our winners.

The best guess came
within one minute.

It's our charming anniversary
couple from Red Bank, New Jersey!

Let's hear it!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

They stole our hearts last night
with their wonderful, wonderful tango,

and tonight they steal the
prize, guessing within one minute!

Give them a round
of applause again.

Very funny.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

You know, darling, suddenly
I'm not the least bit hungry.

Mmm?

Could we eat later? Hmm?

Oh, my God.

Three witnesses will
testify to seeing you running

from the forward hold where the
woman's body was found a few minutes

after 10:00 last night.

And that means I killed her?
So I followed Janet down?

I lost her in the dark. I
heard a shot, I got the hell out.

Who's Janet? Her name
was Lowry. Agnes Lowry.

How the hell should
I know? She called

herself Janet back in
Buffalo three years ago.

Did she have a last name?

Not that I know of.

Why did you follow
her down last night?

We had business to discuss.

What business?

What are you, a
cop or something?

Where do you get off asking
me all these questions, Stanton?

Who's the law
around here, Captain?

Listen to the man, Devereux.

At the moment, you
are on the high seas,

outside any
recognizable jurisdiction.

As far as the law
goes, Devereux, I'm it.

Now, what was your
business with the woman?

She said she was onto a big
score. I wanted a piece of it.

She said okay, but to back
away, it was something major.

So I backed off.

Last night, I wanted to talk to
her, keep the deal warm, that's all.

Did she tell you the
nature of this score?

Not a word.

(SIGHS)

You're a splendid
magician, Devereux.

It's a pity that's
not enough for you.

You'll answer to the Miami police when
we go ashore about your involvement

with Mrs. Fletcher's
earrings, if nothing else.

She got 'em back, didn't she?

So what do you want,
a Medal of Honor?

Go on, get out of here.

(SIGHS) What was your
opinion of the deceased, Captain?

Agnes Lowry? Zero, I'm afraid.
I never got to meet the lady.

You might try talking
to Mrs. Fletcher, though.

Leslie tells me they
sat at adjacent tables.

Ah.

WENDY ON PA:
Trapshooting at sea...

It was probably Devereux's assistant,
Diana Peale, who lifted your earrings,

but it would be difficult
to prove at this point.

(SIGHS) Help me out, Jess.

The ship's doctor
has established

that Lowry was struck over the head,
rendering her unconscious but not dead.

After which, she
was shot in the head

with a .40 caliber automatic, which
was found lying beside the body.

Her watch was broken when
she fell. It stopped at 10:02.

Well, all I can say is this.

Shortly before she
left her table last night,

the steward brought
her the telephone.

She took a call,
and then she left.

Now, who was she, Dennis? Was
it Agnes Lowry, or Janet somebody?

Ah.

We have got Agnes
Lowry's Social Security card.

I faxed that and the photo
of the victim to New York.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Let's
see what they come up with.

Excuse me, Mrs. Fletcher.

This just came in, Mr. Stanton.

Thank you. By the way, we're
missing the lady's diamond pendant.

I think you'll know
where we'll find that.

Molly Altrip's young
man? Oh, dear...

I mean, Dennis, theft is
one thing, but murder?

Molly Altrip may have to
confront a romantic delusion.

This is a confirmation from
the NCIC on the mainland.

We have Lance Brinegar's
fingerprints all over Lowry's cabin,

and the gun that killed her.

You wouldn't mind if Molly and I had a
little chat with Mr. Brinegar, would you?

I didn't murder anybody.

I told 'em the truth,
how my prints got

into her cabin and
onto her gun, everything.

You remember, Mrs. Fletcher, I
left that table, what, just before 10:00,

about the time of all that noise
when we crossed the 25th parallel.

Mrs. Lowry, she'd
gone off someplace...

Why did you follow her, Lance?

That's the point.
I didn't follow her.

Did you and she...

Does it matter at this point?

Yes, it matters, Lance. To me.

All I'm asking you is if you...

Molly, listen! I
wasn't following her,

I went to her cabin. I was
after the diamond pendant. I...

(SIGHS)

We needed it.

We needed it if we're gonna have
that honeymoon that I promised you.

Oh, that's great, you know?
The minute the going gets rough...

Mr. Brinegar, Lance, how did your
prints get on the murder weapon?

We were fooling around.

I picked it up.

I remember it smelled
like it'd just been fired.

Now, I hear you're pretty good
at this kind of thing, Mrs. Fletcher,

and whatever they're
telling you, I'm innocent.

Help me out here, will you?

Molly, all she thinks
about is herself.

WENDY ON PA:
Open house bridge visit.

You are invited to the bridge...

Oh, Mrs. Fletcher! Oh,
forgive me for shouting,

but I've been looking
all over for you.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm afraid I have to
apologize again for my mom.

Oh.

Why, Marvin?

Well, I was doing my usual, you
know, damage control this morning,

and I spotted this
in Mom's handbag.

I went to the Purser's and
checked the passenger list

for someone with those initials,

and believe it or not, you seem
to be the only one on board.

Well, I appreciate your thought,
Marvin, but this is not mine.

It's not?

No. I suggest that you
check the passenger list again.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

It's not always easy, but
I do try to return things.

Well, good luck.

Oh, Mrs. Fletcher, this terrible
murder, it's very upsetting.

Are they getting anywhere
with the investigation?

I'm not sure. But I'll expect that
we'll hear all about it when they do.

Jessica,

some interesting
developments from the mainland.

A body was recovered from
the waters off Miami last night.

She's been identified as an undercover
Treasury agent by the name of Agnes Lowry.

Oh, dear, that raises
further questions, doesn't it?

I'm expecting another fax from
Miami. Have you got a moment?

Yes, indeed.

(FAX MACHINE RINGING)

Hmm.

It's seems Agnes Lowry
had set up a meeting

with someone they
believe was that

mysterious Amber
character you talked about.

Forensics in Miami came
back with a probable match.

The bullet that killed Lowry came
from the same .40 caliber weapon

that killed our lady last night.

Do you want to bet that this
Janet person was Amber?

But that's impossible.

Unless Roland was lying

when he said that he saw
Janet in Buffalo three years ago.

Now, that was the time when Amber
was in a shoot-out in Los Angeles.

Maybe we're mistaken in
assuming that Amber is a woman.

Well, one thing we
can be certain of,

our victim's real name was
Janet, just as Roland said.

Janet Fisk.

Where are you going?

There's something that
I want to ask Mrs. Sobel.

You're up to
something. What is it?

Well, when I know,
you'll know, Dennis.

LESLIE: Look, Jess, it's all over
the ship about Lance Brinegar.

But, you know, what
I'd like to know is,

did he kill her because he
thought she was Agnes Lowry

or because he knew
she was Janet Fisk?

Well, Brinegar may
be a thief, Leslie,

but I don't think he's dumb.
Excuse me a moment.

Hello, operator? Yes, would you please
connect me with the Sobels' stateroom?

And I don't think
he's a murderer.

The question is, did
Agnes Lowry know

which one of our fellow passengers
was up to something illegal?

Jessica, you know, that could
roughly be half the people on this ship.

Exactly. Which means
someone, anyone,

might have had the
incentive to kill Agnes Lowry.

They're not? Oh,
thank you, Operator.

Oh, Jess. Look, I'll
see you at dinner.

It's your turn at the
Captain's table. Don't forget.

(SIGHS)

Oh, Marvin, I've been
looking all over for you.

You know, I'd very much
like to talk to your mother.

Oh, believe me, Mrs.
Fletcher, so would I.

I don't know where she's gone.

Well, did you check hair
dressing and the massage salon?

Yeah, and Fingers 'N'
Toes, and the bridge seminar.

I've got a call in to
the fashion clinic,

and if she doesn't show up
there, I'm really gonna be worried.

Well, in the meantime, tell me
some more about the cigarette lighter

that you showed me this morning.

Uh, the one with
the initials J.F. on it?

Yes.

Do you have any idea when your
mother might have picked it up?

Well, it had to have been between
8:00 and 9:00 yesterday morning,

'cause she didn't
have it before then.

It had to have been after breakfast
and before we left for Old Town.

And do you know
where she found it?

She told me in
the Captain's cabin.

The Captain's cabin?

Yeah. She said the
door was half open,

and the lighter was
laying on the table so near

that all she had to do was
just slip her hand inside.

Oh, thank you, Marvin.

WENDY ON PA: Singles, singles!
All passengers traveling alone

are invited to meet the cruise
staff and make new friends.

That's in the Adagio Lounge on
the Promenade Deck. Good luck!

Dennis Stanton, please.

He's not?

Well, please tell him that Jessica
Fletcher was looking for him.

I have a message.

WENDY ON PA: Couples are
invited to renew their marriage vows

in the theater on Deck 6.

I think that you'll find that
it's all there, Captain O'Neil.

Mrs. Fletcher, good Lord.
You gave me quite a scare.

I assume the substantial import duty
on these pieces will blind US Customs

to the possibility that there's
a fortune hidden inside.

Okay.

But I hardly think this
is any business of yours.

Captain O'Neil, Lance
Brinegar may be a petty thief,

but he doesn't deserve to become
another victim of your operation.

Operation?

What the hell are
you talking about?

Money laundering.

For a percentage.

Behind the protection of your uniform,
you've been carrying illegal drug profits

to off-shore accounts
throughout the Caribbean.

Janet Fisk found out about
it, and it cost her, her life.

I never even knew Janet Fisk.

That isn't true.

Sometime between 8:00 and 9:00 yesterday
morning, when most of the passengers

and the crew were either
at breakfast or in Old Town,

Alma Sobel lifted Miss
Fisk's lighter from your cabin.

Janet Fisk must have
been there at the time,

threatening exposure unless you cut
her in on your share of the proceeds?

I remind you, I was
with Leslie at precisely

the time this Fisk
woman was killed.

Yes, that's what you
told Dennis Stanton.

You were at your work station,
and Leslie was in the shower.

You're saying I telephoned
Janet Fisk in the Showboat Lounge,

then left my quarters while Leslie
was taking one of her epic showers?

No, I don't believe you ever
left your cabin, Captain O'Neil.

I called Miami this evening, and the
Duchess Line's office recorded your last

computer entry last
night at 2159 hours.

But the woman known as Amber,

who you thought was in one of
her marathon showers at the time,

almost certainly
did leave the cabin.

I'm sorry you had to come
to that conclusion, Jessica.

Leslie, what? For God's
sake, tell her she's wrong.

No, it's true, Rory.
But nothing's changed.

It's taken you quite a while to put
aside all that nice, tax-free money.

You've got the bed and
breakfast, the roses, the dogs.

This late in the game,

we're not going to let Jessica
take it all away from us.

(GUN COCKS)

I'm curious...

It was mostly
remembering, Leslie.

Remembering that Janet Fisk and
Amber couldn't be the same person,

and that somebody else
had to have been present

when Janet Fisk
threatened Captain O'Neil.

Somebody who's personal
interests were also threatened.

When I left you in the
corridor yesterday morning,

you said you were
going to surprise Rory.

When you finish with breakfast,
why don't you meet me back here,

and we'll leave together.

Good.

JESSICA: But you entered the
service entrance instead of the front,

which enabled you to overhear Janet
Fisk threaten Rory without being seen.

You don't have a choice.
You could lose this whole ship.

JESSICA: Except a quirk of
fate ruined everything for you.

Alma Sobel looked through the half-open
door and saw a pretty silvery thing.

Janet Fisk's lighter, which by an
odd accident had my initials on it.

How can this be? Before last
year, I didn't even know you existed.

I ran it, Rory, lock,
stock and barrel.

I ran you, darling. I figured you
were skimming over the years,

so when the Feds busted my operation
up there, and I was left with nothing,

I came after you. But
I fell for you instead.

You sold me your dream, Rory. It
was supposed to be ours. wasn't it?

I hadn't decided yet.

For God's sake,
put the gun away.

Well, it is decided, as of now.

Just go on upstairs,
and leave us alone.

Leslie, no... Leave, Rory.

No! Get out!

(GUN COCKS) DENNIS: Please
put the weapon down, Miss Hunter.

Mr. Stanton didn't get your message,
but I happened to see you make the call.

Forgive the deception, Jess.

Philip is my second in command.

He was good enough
to go undercover.

Beneath his station, as it were.

WENDY ON PA: Autograph session!

Comedian Sammy
Goldstein will be in the

Signature Collection boutique
to autograph his tapes...

Jessica! Oh, Jessica,
here's my address.

Remember, you promised me a
signed first edition of your new book?

You'll have it, Alma.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, uh... your pen.

Actually, I think this
pen belongs to you.

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, arrivederci, and thanks.

Goodbye, Marvin.

Goodbye, Mrs. Fletcher.

Thinking how you'll adapt all of this
into a scintillating new book, Jess?

Hmm?

No. No, nothing
like that, Dennis.

I was thinking about
expectations, youthful dreams.

MAN ON PA: On behalf of the
staff and crew of the Lady Wellington,

thank you for sailing with us.