Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996): Season 6, Episode 17 - Murder: According to Maggie - full transcript

Jessica talks about Maggie, her most-promising high school English pupil who made it as an author, albeit not in literature but as TV script writer. However her hit series 'Beat Cop' may be canceled after a mystery man shoots a network VP during a screening, after the widow whose money controls the studio intervened against axing it. Lead actor Bert Rodgers's fingerprints are found on the gun, so LAPD lieutenant Vincent Palermo, after who his character was modeled, arrests him. The new executive will cancel it without the star, so Maggie must find the killer or another job.

I'm gonna overhaul the schedule.

You're gonna cancel a show
you've never even watched?

They can't do this to me!

FEMALE NARRATOR:
Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

I don't ask for very
much. Just a little loyalty.

Well, I am loyal.

But you didn't do me any
favors when you told the world

that I was the
inspiration for Beat Cop.

I thought maybe
you'd be pleased.

Okay, somebody stole a gun
from you. Whose gun was it?

Bert's. Bert Rodgers.



You can't do this
to... I didn't kill him!

Maggie, this is the real world. The
killers are real and so are the cops.

JESSICA: "The rose huddles quietly,
head bowed upon its nettle stalk,

"silken white petals enveloped
in the darkness of night.

"And then, with the
first light of dawn,

"it peers proudly toward
the first needles of sunlight,

"darting westward, giving of
itself to another newborn day."

What a beautiful thought.

It was written many years ago
by one of my high school students.

You know, of all the ones who
came through my classroom,

Mary Margaret McCauley was
the brightest, and I told her so.

Talent needs to be nurtured,
especially in young people.

After she graduated, she spent several
years writing her poems and essays,

and even a romantic novel,



all without success.

Finally, at the age of 25,
she sold her first short story

to a monthly magazine called, I
think, Grizzly Detective Stories.

I could be wrong about
that title. I certainly hope so.

But with that minor success feeding
her ego, she wrote another crime story.

Sale number two.

Well, she wasn't exactly Emily
Dickinson, or even Emily Brontë,

but she had become
a professional writer.

The years flew by and Maggie,
people always called her Maggie,

spent half of her time writing
hard-boiled gumshoe capers,

which were snapped up like caviar
hors d'oeuvre at a cocktail party,

and the other half writing fragile little
commentaries on the human condition.

Short stories, novels,
essays... It made no difference.

They came back in
the mail, unbought,

with all of the regularity of the
swallows rediscovering Capistrano.

And what is Maggie doing now?

Maybe it's not too late to
catch the opening credits.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

(CAR TIRES SCREECHING)

M.M. McCauley. The queen
of hard-boiled detective fiction.

And I keep wondering, will we
ever hear from Margaret Mary again?

MAGGIE: Exterior alley. Night.

Hollister's car skids to a
stop at the head of the alley.

He leaps out.

He hesitates momentarily, then
starts warily down the gloomy alley.

He pauses under a light.

Suddenly the air is shattered
by a woman's scream.

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Hollister races forward.

(GUN FIRES)

A shot rings out.

A shot rings out.

(GUN FIRES)

The slug slams into
the wall above his head.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Vi, I told you no more calls.
I'm trying to finish this script.

I'm sorry, Maggie, but it's the
set calling. They said it was urgent.

More trouble with
the big ham hock?

I think so.

Look, there is no way my
character would make that phone call.

So, why did you wait until
now to talk about it, Bert?

The scene reads on paper,
but in the playing it's artificial.

Artificial?

We're doing a TV show
about a cop who fires a gun

24 times before reloading.

Ah, hope has arrived at last.
And not a minute too soon.

Good morning, Andy. I hear
he's in rare form again today.

Rare? Where'd you get that word?

Maggie! Love the next script.

So far you're the only one.

Al, people don't talk like this.

This whole scene
is dumb. D-U-M-M,

and there is no way
that I am going...

Maggie! Here you are. Thanks
for coming, babe. I'll get my script.

Listen, Al, we're paying you
to handle old banana brain.

Funny, I thought you
hired me as a director.

Look, Maggie, I know
this is an old joke,

but just who do I have to
sleep with to get off this show?

What's his problem today?

Aside from chronic stupidity?

Here we are, Maggie. All right
now, Dana comes into the office.

She tells me that the gunrunner
has just been blown away

with a Magnum 357.

Now I'm supposed to call
ballistics and order a comparison

with the slug that killed the
nightclub bimbo two days before.

Right. That's how
you solve the case.

But I wouldn't do that.

It would mean I'd be letting
the ballistics guy solve the case.

What?

Look, if he matches the bullets,
he solves the case, not me.

Besides, I already
know it's the same gun.

Yeah? How do you know, Bert?

In here, I know.

Wait a minute. You're now gonna
chase a guy through the La Brea Tar Pits,

chop him down in a hail
of lead, because of this?

I'm operating instinctively.
It's part of my character.

That makes your character a
knuckleheaded psychotic, Bert.

Make the phone call.

I can't find the motivation!

We pay you enough to buy a
new Rolls-Royce every week.

That's your motivation.

I'm sorry. It's not enough.

So your agent keeps telling
us. Make the phone call!

Look, I am doing my best to save
these scripts you keep handing me.

And don't think
I'm not grateful.

It's the same old
stuff over and over.

It's blunting my artistic
edges. I'm losing my topspin.

If it weren't for my
contract, I'd walk in a flash.

And give up your motor home?

That's really admirable, Bert, but
meanwhile, we have a show to shoot.

How about this? Suppose
Dana makes the phone call.

You feel it in here, but
Dana goes by the book.

She double-checks the ballistics
and finds out that your gas pains

were right on the money. Okay?

Well, I can live with that.

Terrific. All set?
Great. See you.

Maggie! How's
my favorite client?

Hello, Leo.

Hey, you know, you look sensational.
What is that? A new hairdo?

I forgot to wash
my hair last night.

What're you doing
here? Good news, right?

Warners? They read
Baby Cries the Blues?

Read it? They loved it!

Michaelson, he said his reader cried
when she got to the ending. Cried, kiddo.

His reader? How
did Michaelson like it?

He was really impressed
by the coverage.

Coverage?

A 200-page script, and he reads
a one-paragraph description?

No, no. He had it read
to him. By a secretary.

She really loved
it, too. Maggie...

Michaelson hated it. I knew it.

No, you want me to
tell you what he wants?

Something with a little
more spine. More conflict.

He wants a cop show.

I give him reality and
relationships, but is that enough?

No. Mr. Michaelson wants Dirty Harry
Graduates From Police Academy Six.

Well, no way, Leo. No way!

How about Columbia? They
haven't turned me down in over a year.

Forget Columbia. Let's
talk about Beat Cop.

What about it?
You're in trouble.

I got a star with
a single-digit IQ.

Tell me something I don't know.

I'm talking network trouble.

You're kidding!

We've been first in our time slot
for two seasons. They love us.

All I know is what I hear.

And ever since Keith Carmody's
been calling the signals, nobody's safe.

I'm gonna clean house, Brian.

I'm gonna sweep out the trash.

I'm gonna slap a new coat of
paint on this tired old network.

But, Keith, my studio's got
four shows on your schedule.

Two of them are
actually pretty good.

Good?

(CHUCKLING) Oh,
Brian. Brian, old buddy.

You know, I've been
down this road before.

First at the Century network, then
at WBC, and now here at Federated.

Look, I've had three months
to assess where we are,

and the bottom line is this.

I'm going to overhaul
the schedule.

If that means dropping a clunker like
Beat Cop, here's the deal. You're out.

But the show's
winning its time period.

Do you think that's all I
care about? Numbers?

Wake up and smell the
demographics, Bri. I want young people.

Look. Look, Beat Cop goes
right across the board, age-wise.

Besides, you have to
admit, it's pretty entertaining.

I wouldn't know.
I never watch it.

(PHONE RINGING) What?

I don't have time to watch
that stuff we put on. Carmody.

Is he on the phone?

Well, I'm not gonna get on the
phone until he gets on the phone.

When he gets on the
phone, you let me know.

Now look. I read the reports. I know
where the show is headed Nielsen-wise.

But you can't just wipe out
a whole slate of programs.

Brian, don't sweat it.

You and your guys at Monolith get
first crack at laying the new bricks.

Now, you know you
can trust me on that.

This is a lot of bull, Keith. You're gonna
cancel a show you've never even watched?

I can't wait till the TV
critics get a hold of that.

They may love you now,
buddy boy, but believe me,

the guys who put you
up on that pedestal

are just waiting for a
chance to haul you down.

I'll talk to him.

Save your breath.

I don't need him.

Brian? Brian, I'm sorry.

If I'd had any idea, I
would have warned you,

and that's the
first time I heard it.

He's out of his mind. You
can't replace an entire schedule.

I know, I know. But what
can I do? I'm just number two.

He won't listen to me.

Or anybody else. Somebody better
take him off the gameboard real quick,

Julie, before Federated goes into the old
septic tank and you and me along with it.

Hi, Vincent.

Maggie, I hope you didn't come
to chat. I'm on a surveillance.

Yeah, and don't you think
you look a little obvious?

Maybe if you painted
"cop" on the car door.

I have to talk to you. Can
we have dinner tonight?

I can't. Veronica's
in the school play.

What time? We'll eat early.

I got to pick Richie
up from band practice.

I'll pick him up and
we'll all go out to eat.

Come on now, we
talked about this.

You and me, we got
to stay at arm's length.

I got enough problems.

You mean the guys at the
precinct are still busting your chops?

I love you like a sister, Maggie,
but you didn't do me any favors

when you told the world that I
was the inspiration for Beat Cop.

I thought maybe
you'd be pleased.

Sure, kid, I know
you meant well.

And will you stop
calling me kid?

You are only nine years and
four months older than I am.

That is not exactly
a generation gap.

Okay, I'm sorry.

And don't patronize me.

I came to let you know that Beat Cop may
be history by close of business tomorrow.

You're kidding. The
network wants to clean house

and we're at
the top of the list.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I can tell
you're all shook up.

So, now you know.
Excuse me for bothering you.

Oh, Maggie!

Maggie.

Maggie, will you knock it off?

I'm not sure what I said, but
whatever it was, I apologize.

Thank you.

Come on, you were never that crazy
about the show. It was a living, right?

Okay, so, now you got a chance to write
that book you're always yakking about.

Am I right or not?

Yeah, I guess.

Well, then, don't
worry about it.

Come on, give me a smile.

Not bad.

I got to go back to work, kid.

So do you.

KEITH: All right, now.
The Friday night lineup.

It's a wipeout, starting with
Aunt Frisbie and Uncle Fred,

those six obnoxious kids,

and that toadstool that comes
on afterwards, Digger and Son,

hijinks in a mortuary. Who the hell
bought that one? It sure wasn't me.

I want that memoed to everybody.

(JULIE CLEARS THROAT)

Sorry to interrupt.
I was just leaving.

Okay, honey, I'll see
you tomorrow. Oh, Julie?

Did you take that
meeting with Feinberg?

Oh, yes. Good.

Well, actually, he had a
couple of very good ideas.

What are you? Nuts?

That guy's fifty
years old if he's a day.

You know, about five years
ago, he kept me in a meeting.

Forty-five minutes I had
to listen to that guy's ideas.

Is this a crazy
business or what?

A guy wins two or three Emmys, a couple
of Peabodys, and he knows everything.

Look, I know you're not a
very big fan of Beat Cop,

but it is doing
very well for us,

and I think maybe it's just
something you ought to reconsider.

You, too? Julie, you too, huh?

You know, I don't ask for much.
Just a little loyalty, a little support.

Well, I am loyal,
I just think...

Please, Julie. Don't think.

That's my job.

You just look pretty,

take dumb meetings, nod
when you're supposed to.

That is your job.

Well... But I thought...

I mean, when I took the job, you said
I'd be developing some things on my own.

And you will. But
not right away.

For the time being, you just
hang on to my skyrocket, kitten,

you just sit back
and enjoy the ride.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. Carmody.

Well, hi, Brian.

What? No.

No, Brian, I do not want
to discuss Beat Cop.

Brian, read my lips.
There is nothing to discuss.

Good evening, Mr. Carmody.
This is Harriet De Vol.

Oh, um... Yes. Mrs. De Vol.

It's nice talking with you.

We haven't actually met.

I was disappointed to
hear there is a problem

regarding the renewal
of some of our programs.

Well...

Ordinarily, I don't get
involved at this level,

but as chief stockholder and Chairman
of the Board of Monolith Television Studios

I intend to take whatever
steps are necessary

to protect my investment.

Now, Mrs. De Vol...

I also happen to own a modest number
of shares in your network, Mr. Carmody,

and at one time or another, I
have been intimately acquainted

with most of your board members.

In one or two cases, I still am.

Now what's all this garbage
about canceling Beat Cop?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Oh. Hi, Brian.

Maggie, listen. Beat Cop.
We're back in business.

They fired Keith? No.

They promoted him?

Stop talking and listen.
Tomorrow morning, at the studio,

he's agreed to look at
three episodes of Beat Cop.

Three in a row? What
is he? A masochist?

You set it up. Pick the episodes,
book the screening room.

He'll be there at 9:30 sharp.

So, you're gonna lay all this
responsibility on me. Thanks a lot, Brian.

I'd handle it myself, but I'm
involved in a development meeting

down at La Costa.

Where? On the first tee?

Catch up with you tomorrow.

(DIAL TONE) Brian!

VI: One...

No, no, Charlie. I want
three episodes... two...

10-08, 10-18...
three... 10-22... four...

in the screening
room by 9:30... five...

Vi? Make that coffee strong
enough to remove paint.

Six,

seven... Maggie!

Oh, good morning, Mr...

Rodgers.

One... Eight... Maggie... 18-22.

Hey, it's not my idea, believe
me. I'm just the producer.

Talk to you later.

They're canceling my show.

Take it easy, Bert.
They can't do this to me!

I get letters every
week, dozens of them.

Beat Cop is a national
institution! It's a way of life.

Calm down. Every week
millions of little children

look forward to
seeing me in action!

Will you shut up?

You're right. Sorry. You're right,
Maggie. I have to maintain my composure.

Ever since my agent called me at
6:00 this morning, I just haven't...

What happened to those "artistic
edges" of yours? Your "topspin"?

Maybe my ears are clogged, but the last
I heard, you wanted off this Ferris wheel.

Who told you a
stupid thing like that?

You did. Yesterday
afternoon. On the set.

On the set? You're going to take
things seriously I say on the set?

My God, Maggie, I gave
you more credit than that.

This is my career
we're talking about!

This is the part I
was born to play!

Ben Hollister. Bert Rodgers. Ying,
yang. Twins. Brothers. One and the same.

If they kill off Ben, it's
the same as killing off Bert!

Well, there's no
way I let this happen,

and there is no way I let that network
birdbrain take me out of the play!

Uh-uh!

And if you won't
handle him, I will!

I thought you might
like some coffee, Mr...

Rodgers.

No, that... That noise that you
hear is an episode of Beat Cop.

I'm placating Harriet
De Vol. Mmm-hmm.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

So, listen, Ray, where's
your partner? Where's Leo?

Well, he may be at Monolith
Studios, but he's not with me.

Yeah, I chased everyone out.

I mean, if I'm gonna fall asleep, I
don't want any witnesses, you know?

(COUGHING)

Now, listen. About
Harriet De Vol.

How much... How much
muscle has she really got?

I am asking because the
old lady is not gonna tell me

how to program my network.
In case you haven't noticed, pal,

I am the guy with the ideas.

I mean, so far, you guys represent
ten percent of a certified genius.

Freeze, sucker!

(SIRENS WAILING)

What do you mean,
did I hear a shot?

Of course I heard a shot. I
heard about a hundred of them.

But you didn't hear or see
anything out of the ordinary?

With Beat Cop on the screen?

Look, sir, like I told you, the
screening was just about over

when I heard this scream.

It was so real, I knew it
couldn't be coming from the film.

So I flipped on the lights, looked
down from my window up there.

There's this woman shaking the
dead guy and screaming hysterically.

Julie Pritzker.

Whoever. I call
security. End of story.

OFFICER: Lieutenant!

Excuse me a minute.

On the floor, sir.

And there's something else, sir. There's
a door back here. We found it unlocked.

Where's it go, Maggie?

First time I ever saw it.

Check it out. I
want a full report.

Yes, sir.

BRIAN: What do you
mean I can't come in here?

Sorry, sir.

Do you know who
you're talking to?

I'm sorry, sir, this
is a restricted area.

But... But I'm the president.
This is my company.

Brian. Maggie, what
the hell's going on?

Brian, come on.

He was shot. My God.

Two slugs right through
the heart... Brian!

What are you doing here? I thought
you were in La Costa for a meeting.

It got called off. Maggie,
Maggie, this is awful.

This is unbelievable. I just...

This means Julie's gonna
take over the network.

I'd better call her and
express my condolences.

Inside of an hour her phone
will be ringing off the hook.

Brian, she's not at the
network. She's at the dispensary.

She's the one who found Keith's
body. She's pretty shaken up.

Oh, sure, sure. I
guess she is. Poor kid.

Maggie, which way
is the dispensary?

Thanks.

Maggie?

The coroner figures it happened
between 10:30 and 11:00.

We got a nice set
of prints on the gun.

Pretty stupid, shooting a guy
and leaving the gun behind.

Maggie, this is the real world.

Guys that kill people are
usually not too swift upstairs.

Where are you filming
today? Stage 19.

What time did you
start? 8:30. Why?

Come on, kid, you
told me yesterday

that guy in there was
about to cancel your show.

Maybe this is somebody's
way of changing his mind.

I mean, your people did know
what was going on here this morning.

Sure, but...

You honestly think someone
connected with Beat Cop

would kill to stay on the air?

Stage 19 is this way.

Keith Carmody dead.

That's right. He died
in screening room one.

Of what? Boredom?

He was shot. Murdered.

Look, I know that Keith Carmody

was not a big
favorite on this set,

but regardless of our personal
feelings, I want us to give

Lieutenant Palermo
our fullest cooperation.

BERT: Well, you can
count on me, Vincent.

After all, as your onscreen
alter ego, I have learned

a couple of things over
the past couple of years.

And besides, what do they say?

Two heads are better than one?

Not necessarily.

Look, Lieutenant, what
is it you want from us?

Carmody died between
10:30 and 11:00.

For starters, I'd like to know where
each of you was during that time.

I was right here setting up the next
shot, along with most of the crew.

And I was in my dressing
room going over my lines.

Thank you.

Lieutenant, at 10:30, I
was talking on a pay phone

to a producer in New York,
and after that I ran into my agent,

Leo Kaplan, and we
chatted for a few minutes.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Rodgers?

Well, I was in my motor home
catching up on some reading

and, well, there's a very
interesting article about me

in the Christian Science
Monitor. Perhaps you caught it.

VINCENT: I'm sorry.

Lieutenant, you're not
seriously suggesting

that one of us
killed Mr. Carmody?

I think what he's saying, Andy,
is that nothing is being ruled out.

Excuse me, Lieutenant,
you got a second?

You bet. Excuse me, please.

What you got?

Talking to the prop guy on
the show. It's very interesting.

Mr. Dooley, would you tell the
Lieutenant here what you told me?

Look, I don't want
to accuse anybody.

Phil, whatever
it is, just tell us.

Okay.

About 10:30, I
checked the prop box.

I find one of the
pistols is missing.

A 38 police special?

That's right. I get
a little nervous

because these guns we
use, they're the real thing.

I think, jeez, maybe the
actor got it from my assistant.

But no, he's not in yet.

Then I take a real
good look at the box.

You see this, the
bar? It was jimmied.

Okay, somebody stole a gun
from you. Whose gun was it?

Just because it's his gun
doesn't mean he took it.

Whose gun, Mr. Dooley?

Bert's. Bert Rodgers.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
You can't do this to... I didn't kill him!

Mr. Rodgers. Mr. Rodgers,
maybe you did, maybe you didn't.

But I got to go by
the book on this one.

I'll let you know as soon
as your lawyer gets here.

Vincent! Wait, where are you...

Vincent, you're locking up
Ben Hollister, beat cop! You...

George, will you listen?

It's real simple. Shoot the two
scenes with Andy and Dana.

That's right, give all
of Bert's lines to Andy.

That means that Dana
and Andy go to the sex clinic

posing as the couple
from Cleveland.

Meanwhile, we've got calls
out to a dozen different agents.

By tomorrow it'll be
Joe Schmo Beat Cop,

and the audience will
never know the difference.

You'll never get
away with it, Maggie.

All America loves Bert Rodgers.

Oh? Who am I? A
bracero from Guatemala?

Casting says we've got
a shot at Charlie Bronson.

(CHUCKLING) Casting
is smoking funny flowers.

Charlie's a movie star.
This, he does not need.

However, if you
wanna talk reality,

here's a few of my clients who might
be interested if the bucks are right.

Oh, get serious. This
guy has been canceled

more times than a postage stamp.

This guy is so bad

they call his production
company Flophouse One.

Come on, Leo. I'm your
client. Dana is too, right?

You wanna protect us don't you?

I need somebody whose eyes don't
move when they read the cue cards.

Hey, I'm on your side, babe.

Say, didn't you and Ray
also represent Keith Carmody?

For the past nine months.
We got him the job at FBS.

That's why it hit me so hard.

I drove on the lot and the
gate guard said, "Keith is dead."

Oh, my God. He and I used to
play golf at least once a month.

(BUZZING)

MAGGIE: Yes, Vi?

It's Brian Thursday, Maggie.
He's calling from his car phone.

He says it's an emergency.

What is it, Brian?

This is so dumb. I should
be back at the studio

trying to put the show together.
That's what I tried to tell you.

There may not be a show.

What? Julie's up here.

For the time being,
she's using Keith's office.

Oh, I feel so

awful, Maggie, and
so terribly frightened.

This is going to be an
awesome responsibility,

following in Keith's footsteps.

I'm gonna need all
the support I can get.

Well, as I said, you
can count on us, Julie.

It's just that about Beat Cop

we're kind of in a tough spot with Bert
Rodgers being charged in Keith's death.

Oh, yes, I know. Sue, dear,

please put this in a
safe spot, will you?

I want Keith's widow to have it and I
wanna make sure it doesn't get lost.

(SIGHING) Now, about Beat Cop.

Yes. Now, Julie,
despite the name,

you and I both know that
it's an ensemble format.

I've got a dozen actors I
could throw in there tomorrow

and the ratings
wouldn't fall a hair.

Well, I know how proud you
are of your scripts, Maggie,

but, well, our research shows
that Bert is the linchpin of the show.

Not that I really
believe in research.

(CHUCKLING) No,
no, no, of course not.

Still and all,

well, to be perfectly honest, I
had been hoping for several months

to star Dana in her own show.

Dana? A medical drama.

She'd play the head neurosurgeon

at a major, major
metropolitan hospital.

Wait a minute. Dana's barely old
enough to have graduated medical school.

Well, we'll cover
that in dialogue.

Keith never liked the concept,
I think mainly because, well,

it wasn't his idea.

Julie, that's great,

but the thing is Beat
Cop's a proven hit.

With Bert Rodgers.

But at the moment, you
don't have Bert Rodgers.

With somebody else,

I don't think it'll
play in Peoria.

No. You've got to.

I can't! I'm not a detective!

But Lieutenant Palermo is.
Look, you know the studio,

you know the people involved,
you've got that kind of mind.

Bert Rodgers is just
dumb enough to be guilty.

And if he isn't? You heard what
Julie said. Without Bert, we're canceled.

No more big office,
no more big salary.

I've been waiting two years to
get that fathead out of my life.

Maggie, Maggie,
we're talking jobs here.

Your staff, you crew.

They'll find other jobs.

My job.

That's a problem.

Tell you what, tell you what. You get Bert
off, and we'll make that Italian thing.

My pilot, Love in Naples?

The one about the banker and
the waitress from Davenport, Iowa.

You're not just
yanking my chain?

Come on, Maggie.
I'm giving you my word.

Trust me.

(SOBBING) I didn't kill
him. You got to believe me.

Oh, God, how did I
get into this mess?

Don't... Don't cry, Bert.

I am a policeman! I
uphold the law and order!

Bert, I hate it when you cry.

Oh, Maggie, I'm innocent.

I believe you.

You do? Yes.

So then you'll help me? Yes.

Oh, God, I love you.

If you'll just stop crying.

The Enquirer may have
hidden cameras in here.

And I'm telling you, the
guy is guilty. It's his gun.

His fingerprints were
all over the handle.

Because whoever took the gun wore
gloves to leave the prints undisturbed.

Vincent, it's a frame.

He had motive.

You said yourself he stormed out of
your office threatening to kill the guy.

That was an exit line. He doesn't
know any other way to leave a room.

And, finally, he has no alibi.

From 10:30 to 11:00, he was
alone in his trailer, he says.

You know, if you keep him locked
up, that's the end of Beat Cop.

Yeah. I know.

Maggie, forget it.

This is the real world. The
killers are real and so are the cops.

Go back to your typewriter,
kid. Leave homicide to me.

"The killers are real
and so are the cops."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me go, you
greasy heap of suet.

Kramer!

The band's playing a new tune.

You got to dance with me now.

Cut! Thanks, guys.
Bring in the stunt double.

Listen, when you come
in the door, I think... Al,

this is ridiculous.

I feel like I'm wearing a
dead rat under my nose.

You look great, Andy. And
those lines. I wanna gag.

It sounds wonderful, trust me.

Wally, Joe...

Twenty years ago, I did
Shakespeare at Stratford.

Now I'm a stand-in for Bert
Rodgers. Hell of a career move.

Oh, excuse me. Maggie?

So what's going on?
Are we in, are we out?

That hasn't been decided yet.

Well, decide it quick

because I am not, that is N-O-T,
not going through this again.

My character is gruff but
kindly Captain Chandler.

I'm very good at
playing gruff but kindly.

Especially with what you've
been paying me this last two years,

and I'd like to
continue doing it.

We're working on it. Good.

I already had one series yanked
out from under me a few years ago

at a time when I could have been a
star and not just a second banana.

And I would not react
kindly if it happened again.

Now, please excuse me while the
rat and I take a short nap in my trailer.

(SCATTING)

God, you know, I'd forgotten,
but I remember that show.

I was in high school.

Andy was terrific. He played, like,
a college professor or something,

but they kept moving
it around the schedule.

Like the pea under the walnut
shells, defying you to locate it.

(CHUCKLING)

Dana, why didn't you tell
me about the medical show?

What medical show?

The one where you
play a neurosurgeon?

The one Julie Pritzker
wants you to star in.

Oh, that one. Well,
what was to tell?

Julie loved it, Keith
didn't. It was a dead duck.

Not anymore.

Oh, wait a minute.

Are you implying that I
would commit a murder

just to get my own show
on network television?

When Keith was
killed, you told Vincent

you were talking by phone
to a Broadway producer.

That's right.

Which one?

What do you mean which one?
Who elected you Dick Tracy?

Which one was it, Dana?

No producer.

I mean, I talked to his
answering machine.

And then you ran into Leo.

Right. Wrong.

Leo told me that when
he drove on the lot,

the gate guard told
him that Keith was dead.

That skunk!

He was with me for almost
a half an hour before that.

He was scared out of his mind.

About what? Keith.

Keith had called
him and told him

to get his butt over to the
screening room this morning.

Why?

How should I know?

Maybe he was going to fire him.

Or maybe he found out
about the package proposal.

What package proposal?

Sweetie, don't the jungle
tom-toms of industry gossip

ever penetrate
that head of yours?

Leo's agency was packaging
the neurosurgeon show.

Ten percent right off the top.

That meant two-and-a-half,
maybe three million, in Leo's pocket.

If the network bought it.

Wait a minute. Let
me get this straight.

My agent, Leo Kaplan,

was working a deal
to get you off my show

to package a new show
to replace my show?

Exactly.

Well, who do you think
he's working for? You?

Sure, I was here
when they converted

these old dressing
rooms into casting offices.

That was about
10 or 12 years ago.

Burnsie, you were here when
old man Schiller built the place.

Yeah, well, soon after, anyhow.

Oh, look at that. Andy Butler.

That's from his first show.

Langley Hall. Oh, that was long
before your time, Miss McCauley.

It was about a college.

Yeah. Someone was talking about
it earlier. You made that here, huh?

Yeah, sure did.

You know, it's funny
how things come around.

What do you mean?

Well, Mr. Carmody
getting killed.

You know, I heard about how
he threatened to cancel Beat Cop.

I guess everybody did.

Funny thing is, 15 years
ago, his first network,

it was Carmody who
canceled Langley Hall.

Are you sure about that?

Oh, yeah.

I was working security on
Stage 44 when they got the news.

Hit everybody pretty
hard, I can tell you.

Well, right over
here, Miss McCauley.

The cops have been through
this passageway a dozen times.

Here, take a look.

Then you go right down here
through the door at the end

and you'll come out behind
the curtain in the screening room.

This is weird,
Burnsie. Very weird.

Where'd it come from?

Well, I don't wanna
mention any names,

but a few years back one of our
big stars, and I am talking really big,

used to like to take his female
co-star into the screening room

to watch the dailies,
and then he and the lady

would slip out through here
back to his dressing room.

I get the picture.

You know, it's hard to
believe what a studio will do

to keep its star happy.

You think so, huh?

It seems to me it's
likely that whoever did it

was someone
connected with the show.

You use the word
"likely," Miss McCauley.

What we are most
in need of is evidence.

Right!

Right. We got to
have proof. Hard proof.

Look, I'm not a detective.

But you think like one.

And I keep telling you,
Brian, this is not a script.

In other words, we are
no closer to a resolution

of our difficulties than
we were at noon today.

Afraid not.

That is indeed too bad because
tomorrow morning at 8:00,

the cameras are slated
to turn on Beat Cop.

However, the network
has informed us

that if they roll
without Bert Rodgers,

they won't accept the episode.

You see my predicament,
Miss McCauley?

But of course you do.

Vi, what are you doing
here? Why aren't you home?

Oh, I wasn't sure
if you'd need me.

What I need is two aspirins,
a dry martini and a hot bath.

Go home.

And the phones have been ringing
constantly since right after lunch.

Variety and The
Reporter and TV Guide.

Pass, pass, pass.

And Casting called, they said
they had two words for you.

"Not available."

Who's not available?

Everyone. And the editor
stopped by about 20 minutes ago.

He left this for you.

He cut together a sequence
from this morning's work.

There's a continuity problem.

He said, "Keep your
eye on the pencil."

And this is the rest of it.
You sure you don't need me?

Go home, Vi. Tomorrow's
gonna be a long day for everybody.

Okay, but don't work too late.

Keep your eye on the pencil.

I don't care about gut feelings.

What I do care
about is procedure.

We've got rules around
here, even for Bert Hollister.

The guy should have checked in.

Captain, I don't
know where he is.

How am I gonna protect this guy?

If he's on to something,
I wanna know about it.

I don't wanna find him
belly up in some alley.

Sure he's a maverick, sure he bust a
few rules, but you wanna know something?

He's my kind of cop. If you
tell him I said that, I'll deny it.

Wait a minute.

If he's on to something,
I wanna know about it.

I don't wanna find him
belly up in some alley.

I don't know where
he is. Now you see it.

How am I gonna protect this guy?

I don't wanna find him
belly up in some alley.

Now you don't.

Hello. Al, it's Maggie.

Hello, dear heart. I hope
your day was better than mine.

Mine stunk, thanks.

Al, I just got a
tape from the editor,

that scene you shot this
morning with Dana and Andy.

Ah, yes. He sent me a copy,
too. The disappearing pencil.

What the hell happened?

What happened was your script
girl was obviously daydreaming.

When we shot the master, the
pencil was in Andy's jacket pocket.

After we relit for the closer
shots, the pencil was gone.

Al, this is very important.

When did you shoot the master?

First thing this morning.

When did you do the
relighting for the close shots?

I don't know. 10:30, I think.

Took about a half hour.

And you shot the close
shots right after that?

Yes, and I needn't tell you, I'm
annoyed to have to shoot it all again.

The actors have been
notified of the problem.

We'll do the retakes first
thing tomorrow morning.

It's one of the few things
we can do without Bert.

Maggie, is there
something wrong?

No, no. Everything's fine.

Night, Al.

(DOOR OPENS)

Who's here?

Is there anybody in here?

Who is that?

Maggie?

Maggie!

Vincent! It was Andy Butler!

We know.

Up against the wall. Let's
go. Spread them. Let's go.

Take it easy, kid, it's okay.

It's okay.

It was the pencil,
Brian. The yellow pencil.

Yeah. I don't get it, sorry.

Watch my lips, Brian.

Andy Butler had a yellow
pencil in his jacket pocket

when they shot the scene
the first time. The big shot.

They call that a master. Master.

Right.

When the crew was resetting
the lights for the close shots,

Andy sneaked off through
the passageway to shoot Keith.

Except he lost the
pencil in the passageway,

and when he came
back to the set,

the pencil wasn't in his
pocket and nobody noticed.

Oh, I get it.

When he was told he'd
have to redo the scene

and why, he went back to retrieve
the pencil before anybody found it.

Only what he didn't
know, and neither did I,

was that Vincent Palermo
had already found it.

And when they dusted it and
found Andy's fingerprints all over it,

the solution fell into place.

Well, however it worked
out, this is one terrific day.

Bert's out of jail
and back to work

and Julie's given us an order
for Betty Barker, Brain Surgeon,

which means we're gonna have
to replace both Andy and Dana.

Maggie...

Maggie, you were great. I
don't know how to thank you.

I do. Love In Naples.

Oh, gosh, yes. Listen,
Maggie, about that...

Brian, you promised!

I know and I talked to Julie

but, not yet. I mean... I mean,
I don't think the timing's right.

Great! "Trust me," you said.

I give you my word, Maggie.
As soon as the time is right,

I'll be right there
going to bat for you.

Meantime, I got a meeting at
the network on Dana's new series.

Give me a buzz early next week

and we'll do lunch. See you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse
me. Pardon me. Pardon me.

Thanks, Brian!

Maggie, what's wrong?

You know, I used to worry
that he was wrong for his job.

Shows you what I know.

Oh, hell, Vi, what am I complaining
about? Today is a great day.

I mean, great!

You know where
I'm going tonight? No.

Out to dinner. With
Vince. And his kids.

And his kids? That's
great! Hey, does this mean...

I don't know what it means,

but it sure beats
where I was yesterday.

Oh, this is terrific.
He is so sexy.

I know, I know.

Two years I've been
waiting for this day

and nothing, I mean
nothing, is gonna spoil it.

(LAUGHS) BERT: Maggie!

(DOOR SLAMMING)

I just finished
reading this new script.

What the hell are you trying
to do? Ruin my career, huh?

Who writes this drivel, anyway?