Ms. Marvel (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
Finally, the moment everyone
has been waiting for.
The final chapter to my 10-part series
on Earth's mightiest hero, Captain Marvel.
Hulk smash.
This week,
we're focusing on the battle of Earth.
Now we all know the story.
The Avengers were trying to save
the world, but if we're being honest here,
they were losing, badly.
Alien ships invading,
Thanos being a jerk about magical Stones.
Our heroes were done for.
Until...
Captain Marvel blasted in!
Now who was this glorious,
well-coiffed hero?
Due to my extensive research
and my diligent studying
of Scott Lang's podcast interviews,
who seems like a pretty cool guy.
I've learned a lot about Captain Marvel
and I know at least
three things to be true.
One, she blasted through Thanos's fleet
like a flaming angel.
And you know what?
She looked good doing it.
Two, she, like, punched Thanos
right in the face.
You're finished!
No of fence to any
of the other Avengers,
but I really don't think
they could've done that.
And three, sometimes, someone can come out
of nowhere and do something amazing.
I know some of you think,
"Well, she abandoned the people of Earth."
But look, it's not true.
Obviously we don't know
exactly what she's been up to.
But maybe she just needed a break,
you know?
Can a woman just live, hmm?
Maybe we'll learn something new
at AvengerCon this weekend.
I'm gonna be dressed as Captain Marvel.
Obviously.
Anyway, that's all I got for this week.
Next week, I'm gonna kick off a special
two-part series
on why I think Thor is secretly a gamer.
Remember, new episodes drop
every Wednesday.
Be sure to like, comment and subscribe
at Sloth Baby Productions.
- Kamala Khan.
- Coming, Ammi.
Hurry up. You're going to be late
for your driving test.
Aamir, if you
don't stop praying long enough
to put some food in your mouth,
one day you will starve to death.
May Allah forgive you one day.
Kamala, please don't forget to
look at the mirrors
every 15 seconds at least.
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, Kamala, my Kamala,
the road is a long and winding one,
so never fully stop at stop signs.
Way too early for poetry, Abbu.
All right, listen.
You do know that you don't really have
to look in the mirrors that often?
Yes, she does.
Listen, just make sure that the instructor
can see you move your head, okay?
And remember to say Bismallah
before you start the car.
You're gonna need
all the help you can get.
Don't even have a license.
How about you start by turning the car on?
Pull out whenever you're ready.
Bismallah.
Bless you.
I don't think anyone saw.
That's my car.
You set her up to fail,
having her drive in the street
with all the other cars.
I have taught her to drive myself.
Ma'am, because of your daughter,
I'm walking home.
Oh, come on. Are you trying to tell me
she didn't look in the mirrors
enough for you and your clipboard?
I wouldn't say that's the problem.
- Oh!
- Then you'll also say that
you expected her to signal
at every single turn?
Yeah.
- Choro ji.
- Kamina kahika!
Give me my keys.
Okay, Kamala, come on. Chalo.
I'm so sorry that this family car,
you know, that your father earned
with his very hard-earned money,
it has seen a lot of trauma.
Hmm. I'm also sorry
that you're not going to be able
to help me with all the things for your
brother's wedding you said you would.
This is my fault. This is all my fault.
These are my genetics.
I mean, I come from a long line
of fantasizing, unrealistic daydreamers.
My mother was one.
Camelia, glad you're not bruising
from that dodge ball incident.
Oh!
Why is she waving? That's weird.
Hey, guys.
I'm just gonna sneak in there
and grab my chem text book.
We're in the middle of something.
One sec.
I'll Google the periodic table. Yeah.
Rough morning all around.
Had a bet you were gonna pass,
so now I'm out 10 bucks.
I told my mom to stop texting you guys.
Plenty of people fail their driver's test.
Instructors focus on the tiniest things.
I crashed my car into his car.
Oh. That's on you. Yeah. Uh...
- So I guess we're not going to AvengerCon.
- No, no, no, Bruno.
A cosplay competition for Carol Danvers
at the greatest fan event of the year.
My costume is near perfect,
pending the final flourish.
Still trying to think of that flourish?
- It'll come to me any second now.
- Sure it will.
I'm sorry. I really do love you.
Got any plans this weekend?
As of this morning, Kamala and I are free.
No.
Are you inviting me
to play Smash Bros?
- Because if so, I'm busy.
- Don't hate the player, hate the game.
The thing is I do hate the game, though.
Really?
- Sorry, Zoe.
- It's fine.
I like your jacket.
Thanks. I like your necklace.
Thanks.
It's actually my name in Arabic.
Okay, see you later.
Would it be super weird if we asked her
for a ride to AvengerCon?
- Yes.
- Why?
Her mom used to drive us
to school all the time.
Because she is the absolute worst
now that she has 100,000 followers.
80,000.
Kamala Khan,
please come to my office ASAP.
You've done something very wrong.
Just kidding. It is crazy that the
whole school can hear this.
No, nothing is wrong.
I just wanna chat. Can't wait.
- PS, this is Mr. Wilson.
- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.
Okay, first off, I just wanna say
I get it.
You get what?
I hear you've had a hectic couple weeks.
Very funny.
But your teachers, you know, they're
telling me you're doodling all day,
staring off into space
in your little fantasy land.
Hey.
Oh... Really?
We truly started the meeting
30 seconds ago.
- You gotta be with me, girl.
- Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Wilson.
No. Mr. Wilson was my father.
My name is Gabe. His name was also Gabe.
So, doesn't super-work.
But let's talk about you. In junior year,
it's time to start really thinking
about your future.
I mean, college admissions are coming up,
before you know it, it's SATs,
it's essays, it's applications.
Do you volunteer? 'Cause
college admissions eat that up.
I mean, of course,
do it to help people too, but I mean...
It helps. It does help.
Oh, no. No, I'm not...
You know I'm not trying
to scare you, right?
Do I have to figure out my whole future
before lunch or is there, like...
I'm gonna give you a task.
I want you to go home.
Not right now, but after school.
Then you're gonna look yourself
in the mirror and ask yourself,
"Kamala, who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me?"
- You're reciting lyrics from Mulan.
- I am, I am.
You are.
Okay, Kamala, all I'm saying is
right now, I see a girl divided.
"Is she there or is she there?
Where's Kamala?"
Who knows? No one knows.
I don't even know. I can't see. Where?
And I know. I know fantasy's fun,
fantasy's really fun.
But right now, I need you to
pull yourself together and join reality.
You know, the plan was perfect.
I was gonna get my license.
Then under the cover of stupid
wedding errands, we just have, like,
one pure, beautiful day of freedom
at AvengerCon.
- Guess there's always next year.
- No, there's no next year.
This is the first one ever.
And then future historians,
they're gonna start writing about it,
and where does it start? Here.
Okay? There's not gonna be another
first AvengerCon ever again. Never.
- Switch to the back-up plan then.
- You have a back-up plan?
What's... What's your back-up plan?
In concept, it is pretty easy.
But it's gonna take a lot of finesse
and subtlety on your part.
And you just aren't...
- I can be subtle.
- You can be subtle?
Okay. Listen, you enter your home,
you sit down at the dinner table,
smile, and you ask your mom.
- You're an idiot.
- I'm not. I'm actually a genius.
So, can we stop acting
like your mom is Darth Vader?
Every single thing I love,
she seems to hate.
And it's like she thinks I'm some kind of,
you know, weirdo.
You are a weirdo. Whoa!
What?
If I'm weird, you're weirder.
I know. But more importantly,
I've gotten weirdly good at airbrushing.
I put the rest of it together, but okay.
- So...
- You think we'll win?
Please.
We're going, we're conquering.
And we're high-fiving in slow motion.
Bruno, I still need to figure out
my final flourish for my costume.
- Any ideas?
- Okay.
How about steam punk Captain Marvel?
- Steampunk is dead.
- Okay, fine.
How about a mashup?
Like Captain Panther or Iron Marvel?
Ooh, Doctor Strange Marvel.
I can, like, wear a cape.
- Capes are cool.
- Even Asgardian.
You know, be like a badass Valkyrie,
ride a horse.
I can't build you a horse,
but otherwise...
You can build me sloth baby wings.
That's very me.
Completely you. Wings, a little tiara.
- Playing here.
- Captain Princess Marvel.
No princesses. I'm sorry.
You know what's even better?
- What?
- Zombie Captain Marvel.
I could be like, "I'll eat your brains.
But I also have super powers."
Okay. Hey, let's never do
that zombie impersonation again.
Hi, Kamala beta. How are you?
Hmm? How was school?
Apparently I have four days to
figure out my whole future, so that's...
Don't be so dramatic, Kamala.
What are you watching?
Turn that off.
- Is this from Nani?
- Must be things for the baat paaki.
Aamir. Aamir, come down here, please.
Why'd she also send all this junk?
I'd like to tell you
that it's because she's growing old,
but she's always been this way.
She doesn't want to die
before passing on all her junk to us.
Aamir, have you lost your ears?
This is so cool. Is this Nani's?
That is junk.
Aamir, here. Take this
and put it in the attic right now,
and then unpack the groceries.
- Why can't Kamala do it?
- She's going to help me with my errands.
- You know the ones for your wedding?
- I am?
Yes, you are. Chalo. Let's go.
Attic, and with me.
- Chalo, Kamala, let's go.
- Don't mess up those errands.
Let's go. No time today.
Kamala.
- What's up, Najaf?
- What's going on, Kamala?
- Amma ji, kaisi hain?
- Bilkul.
Flying vultures in Armani suits
buying up the whole neighborhood.
Maybe we'll actually get
a Halal Guys this time.
They charge you for extra sauce
at Halal Guys.
You're too short.
She's not too short.
This thing is too long.
Shakat, mere kapre taiyar hain?
Salaam alaikum, Muneeba ji.
Wa alaikum salaam.
- Wedding shopping, I see.
- Mmm-hmm.
Did you hear about
Fatima's engagement? Broken.
Oi, what happened?
She decided that she wasn't
ready for commitment.
So now she's off gallivanting
through Europe to "discover" herself.
What does she have
to discover about herself?
Good for her.
I mean, she wanted to travel the world
and she went for it. So that's cool.
She's trouble, this one.
Mmm-hmm.
She's going to discover that
she doesn't have a ring on her finger.
And then I saw her.
She was getting very comfortable
with some gora boy named Rob in Belgium.
- You're too short for that, Jaanu.
- Yes, you really are too short for that.
- Handsome, huh?
- Oh, yeah, Mr. K.
Okay. But what will this do?
So this is a security camera, okay?
So you can see who's home from your phone.
- From my phone?
- Oh, yeah, from your phone.
We're living in the future.
So, I made this myself. Okay?
This is the Zuzu system.
It connects all your devices
and I added some new features.
All you have to say is "Zuzu"
and tell it what you want.
So... Zuzu, turn off the lights.
- And I programmed it to understand Urdu.
- Urdu?
Yeah. Zuzu.
Batti kolo.
Waah!
- This is magic.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Cool? This is absolute magic.
- Hi, Bruno beta.
- Hey.
Are you staying for dinner?
- No, no, I got some work.
- Okay, I'll pack you something to go.
- No, no, I'm good.
- No, no, of course I will.
- Hey.
- How was it?
Don't mention Belgium
or any guy named Rob.
Did you ask her about AvengerCon?
Kamala, ask her. Just ask her.
Bruno, there's a spicy one
at the bottom for Nonna.
- Okay?
- Oh, my gosh.
How did you do that so fast?
You stick to the gizmos, beta.
This is my secret.
Okay. I'll see you soon.
- See you soon.
- Muneeba.
Haan? Bolo.
Ask her.
Zuzu, switch to sports channel.
So, Bruno has made this and he's connected
all the devices to this Zuzu.
- Okay.
- Watch this.
- Abbu.
- Ah, defensive...
- Ammi.
- Mmm?
So, there's this thing called AvengerCon.
You know,
it's really something incredible.
It's never been done before.
It's, like, the first fan event
celebrating our great heroes of our time
and it's totally historic,
and it's, like, very educational.
And Bruno is, um...
Bruno, he's, like, really into this stuff,
you know, so he's...
He really wants to go
and he asked me if I wanna tag along
so that, you know, he's not alone,
because poor Bruno, right?
He doesn't have much of a family.
- Zuzu, TV rokna.
- So you want to go to a party, at night?
- Is this a joke?
- No.
Is Bruno recording this for Internet?
No. It's... I'm 16.
Look, I promise
I won't do anything stupid.
- You do trust me, right?
- No. I don't trust you.
- Of course she does.
- No, I don't.
She does. We do.
It's just that we don't trust anyone else.
You're still young and there are so many
strange people roaming around at night.
Or strange boys.
Thinking God knows know what
and drinking God knows what.
It's not a party, it's a convention.
And what exactly will you be doing there?
There's a lot of stuff, actually.
There's, like, this cosplay competition
which is...
It's, like, this historical reenactment.
And how exactly
will you be dressed?
As Captain Marvel.
Huh?
- Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel.
- Captain Marvel. Astaghfirullah.
- Hey, salaam, everyone.
- She's a hero.
- In a very tight suit.
- It's not that tight.
Yes, it is.
It's not like I'm asking to go to a party
and do cocaine.
Not a lot of salaam here, huh?
Now, if it was him asking...
Be like, "Oh, yes, Aamir. Do what
you want, Aamir beta. Please, please."
But me, no, because I can't do a single
normal teenage thing in this house, right?
Come on, beta. You're not normal.
Beta, I meant you're special.
Knock, please.
Brought you some chai.
Look, that was a bold move.
Not very well thought out,
but I respect you for trying.
You know, all she does to me is say no.
It's, like, where is this
out of proportion worry for you?
- I'll talk to them.
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean, you look kinda pathetic.
- Thank you.
I got you.
Night, Tiny K.
You want me to turn off the lights
or are you still afraid of the djinn?
- Okay, I'm not 12.
- This says you're 12. Good night.
Bike lock engaged.
Just a second.
Kamala, what are you doing?
Stretching.
- Stretching?
- Yeah.
So, your brother told us
about your Avengers party.
- He did?
- Yes.
And even though it will be
a distraction from your studies,
and there will be
lot of haram going on there, Kamala,
we have decided to let you go.
- Really? Really? Really?
- Yes, but there are special conditions.
Your Abbu will drive you there and he will
go inside with you for two hours.
And as far as your dressing goes,
I have a surprise for you.
The Hulk.
Wait, wait. Best is yet to come.
Ta-da!
Oye, chak de phatte!
See, Kamala. Big Hulk and little Hulk.
Bara Hulk aur choti Hulk!
- So cute you all will look.
- Oh, my God. Okay, it's...
Mmm.
There's no big Hulk, little Hulk.
It's just not...
- They are all heroes.
- This is mine and Bruno's thing, okay?
Come on, bacchi.
Can't you make an exception for Abbu?
I can't wear a salwar kameez
to AvengerCon, okay?
And you can't come with me,
not dressed like that,
because it is so humiliating.
- Okay, I didn't mean it like that.
- Bas, Kamala.
If you don't go with your dad,
you're not going at all.
I made this for you.
You're not going to dress up like
all those other girls in skimpy outfits.
That is not you.
Abbu.
You're not going.
So the worst thing
that could happen has happened.
Is that code for "I fell into
the Hudson for the third time"?
That's "Black Sloth Down."
And I fell in once, okay?
- Twice.
- It means everything sucks.
Meet me on the roof in 10.
- You've never even seen them like that.
- Like what? Like, mad?
Hurt. Bruno, I think I made my dad cry.
Mr. Khan crying?
That's not good. That's...
Yeah, but listen.
Your mom and dad,
they're gonna calm down, okay?
You're gonna apologize. It'll be fine.
Yeah, but maybe they're right.
Maybe I spend too much time with fan art,
and costumes and with my head stuck
in fantasy land. So...
- Who is "they"?
- My mom.
My teachers. Mr. Wilson.
Everyone.
There was a girl who decided she wanted
to go backpacking around Europe.
And you would literally think
she joined a death cult
given the way all the aunties just gossip
about her.
I'm lost. What does that have to do
with AvengerCon?
Because dressing up as Captain Marvel
is weird.
- No, it's not.
- It is childish.
And I know that, okay?
And let's be honest, it's not really
the brown girls from Jersey City
who save the world.
Sure they do.
You're Kamala Khan.
You wanna save the world?
Then you're gonna save the world.
With the right equipment, of course.
Speaking of, newest prototype.
- Are those Photon gloves?
- Yeah.
- Do you want them or...
- Yes.
Oh, my God. You made these?
- Yeah. I mean, do you like them?
- Yes.
Oh! "Bruno Carrelli Corporations."
I like it. Has a nice ring to it.
- How do they turn on?
- Right here. Bow!
- See?
- This is cosmic. This is cosmic. Get up.
- We're getting up.
- We're getting up.
Listen, they don't shoot
real photon blasts.
- I'm ready.
- Oh, we're fighting?
Oh, my gosh. Oh!
Zoe! You did that on purpose.
- No, I did not.
- Yes, you...
You're supposed to be
the latest in technology?
Thank God I didn't pay for you, I say.
What is it that I'm saying
you can't understand?
I'm speaking in English, not code.
So here goes. Shall we try again? Okay.
- Good night, Abbu.
- Sleep tight, beta.
Zuzu, please, switch the TV...
Kamala, please tell Bruno
this Zuzu is possessed by the evil djinn.
He needs to fix it.
Zuzu, television, switch it on.
If I can't leave the house
to go to AvengerCon,
I'll go to AvengerCon
without leaving the house.
How many slushies have you had today?
Because all that red dye three,
it's making your brain...
Look, it's illusions, old friend.
You set up the smart house stuff
for my dad,
so you're basically our inside man.
- This is the plan.
- Kamala, you're the best sister ever.
Honestly, you should
have been an only child.
Kamala is the best daughter
in the whole wide world.
Stop, please. I'm shy.
5:49 p.m.,
I gracefully excuse myself.
And as my family celebrates my existence,
I go to my bedroom.
And it's...
- Are you following?
- Yes. Keep going.
5:55, I suit up in the greatest
Captain Marvel costume
the Earth has ever seen...
Don't worry, it'll be finished by then,
I hope.
Then I make my way out of the house
undetected but extremely impressive where
you'll be waiting in your costume, which
better be awesome. Don't embarrass me.
- Me embarrass you?
- Yeah, I said it.
Oh, come on. I didn't even want beans.
But what if your parents
go into your room?
- That's where you come in, right?
- What?
You and your fancy Zuzu
system are going to be my cover.
So, when there's a knock on the door...
Don't come in. I'm changing.
Finally, you being a genius
is coming in handy.
Sorry, beta. Sorry.
What do you mean "finally?"
6:30,
we catch the bus to Camp Lehigh.
And it might be a tight window
but we're gonna do it with style.
Wait...
Is that us biking off a bridge onto a bus?
Dream bigger, Bruno!
It's gonna be epic.
We get on the bus just in time.
Everyone stares at us in awe
because we look back at them
and their costumes are just... Meh.
Okay.
Then it's time for a tight but spontaneous
60 minutes of fun at AvengerCon.
Then at 8:00 p.m.,
the real reason we're here,
the reason I learnt to sew
and you learnt to airbrush.
The cosplay competition.
I win, obviously. We collect my crown and
I'm assuming it's made of real diamonds.
It's definitely not.
Then after a few
quick photos with fans,
maybe some chats with the press,
we bounce.
I'll sneak back into my room just before
my dad comes in at 9:22 p.m.
That's the plan. Got it?
So your plan is take the bus.
All this, and that's your note? Really?
Does how we get there matter
if you haven't finished your costume yet?
They want you to bring some of you
to Captain Marvel, right?
So your mom's Hulk isn't the right idea
but maybe something Pakistani?
Oh, my God, Aamir.
- Ammi, I'm going to Taysha's this evening.
- Nice. Say hi to her parents from me.
Yeh le lo ji aap.
And which is why I always say,
between the authorities and us the people,
we are to blame.
And that is why the salamanders
are almost extinct in Pakistan.
Which is why I'm also so worried
about the plight of the parrots.
Speaking of parrots, you just reminded me
I have a biology report
that's due tomorrow. So...
Beta, you gotta listen to me
what I have to tell you about parrots.
Nope.
Are you okay?
Come on.
- That was my way back in.
- I know. We missed the bus.
We can still make the next one,
but if we miss it, it's game over.
No, no. Come on, come on.
Stop. Wait, please. That's my bike.
Come on, man. Open the door.
Dude.
How likely is it I'm gonna find it there
when I get back?
In Jersey City?
Oh, I'd say you have a 0.0001% chance.
Bike lock engaged.
- We made it. We made it.
- Yeah!
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Yeah!
Hey.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Motion detected.
- Aamir's out for the evening.
- Mmm-hmm.
Kamala is in her room.
Aah!
Coming up next,
the Captain Marvel cosplay contest.
Showtime.
First place gets a...
Here you go.
- Is that Zoe?
- You guys look amazing.
Why is she here?
- The costume's not even accurate.
- She doesn't even like the Avengers.
It's okay. It's okay, okay?
I have to compete against her now?
Don't worry about it.
It's your time to shine. Literally.
- You have the gloves?
- Yeah. They're in my bag.
Last call for
the Captain Marvel cosplay competition.
Cosplayers, please line up
on the side of the stage.
AvengerCon, give it up.
Amazing Captain America cosplayers.
Thank you, Captain America cosplayers.
Congratulations to the winner.
You guys are all good to go.
We're kicking things off...
Hi.
Wow. You look great. Yeah, good.
- What are you wearing?
- It's Bruce Banner.
- What is that?
- My personal self-expression.
Oh, cool. Okay.
Yeah, but I can't get it on.
It's, like, sealed shut for some reason.
- Where are the gloves?
- Oh, they're just...
Crap. I left it in the bathroom.
This is our final final call
for contestants to the stage.
I'm gonna run and get it.
No, we don't have time.
You gotta go. It's good. It's fine.
You got the bangle. Put it on.
Take your phones out. Show them the love.
They are here.
Got it.
- Did you see that?
- Come on. You gotta go.
...amazing Captain Marvel.
And we've got a final Captain Marvel
coming to the stage right now.
Oh, God.
Come on, come on.
Oh, my God.
Uh, all right.
Well, good luck following that, everybody.
Wow. I thought my Captain Marvel costume
was gonna make people stare.
Oh, my God.
Are you available to book for parties?
You wanna take a picture?
I'll tag you. I follow back.
- Mostly.
- Move.
Oh, my God! Help me! Help me!
What was that? Are you okay?
We need to go.
What just happened?
I don't even know what to say.
Okay, Bruno,
I actually have powers.
Okay. Come on. Help me up.
Ready? Three, two, one.
- Go.
- Oh, gosh.
Did that come out of your foot?
Are you okay?
Hey, keep me updated.
And text me everything.
So weird. Hey.
- Please don't tell anyone.
- Stop, okay? I'd never tell anyone.
- Never ever?
- Never ever ever.
Kamala.
Where have you been?
What are you doing?
I'm not recognizing you.
Who is this rebellious girl
sneaking out, lying to Abbu and me?
I'm not trying to be rebellious.
And I'm trying
to protect you from yourself.
I've seen what happens when people
get obsessed with their fantasies.
I know you're just gonna tell me
some story about Nani and...
So you knew what I was
going to say tonight, huh?
And you knew that it would betray me,
but you still went and did it anyway.
- Sorry.
- It's time to stop fantasizing.
I wish that you would just focus on you.
Your grades. Your family.
Your story.
I mean, who do you want to be
in this world, huh?
Do you want to be good,
like we raised you to be,
or do you want to be some, you know,
this cosmic head-in-the-clouds person?
You think about that.
Cosmic.
Check this out.
- Teenage girl at AvengerCon.
- AvengerCon?
A cosplayer with too much time
on their hands.
Not this one.
I've never seen powers like that.
Whoa.
Yeah, bring her in.
has been waiting for.
The final chapter to my 10-part series
on Earth's mightiest hero, Captain Marvel.
Hulk smash.
This week,
we're focusing on the battle of Earth.
Now we all know the story.
The Avengers were trying to save
the world, but if we're being honest here,
they were losing, badly.
Alien ships invading,
Thanos being a jerk about magical Stones.
Our heroes were done for.
Until...
Captain Marvel blasted in!
Now who was this glorious,
well-coiffed hero?
Due to my extensive research
and my diligent studying
of Scott Lang's podcast interviews,
who seems like a pretty cool guy.
I've learned a lot about Captain Marvel
and I know at least
three things to be true.
One, she blasted through Thanos's fleet
like a flaming angel.
And you know what?
She looked good doing it.
Two, she, like, punched Thanos
right in the face.
You're finished!
No of fence to any
of the other Avengers,
but I really don't think
they could've done that.
And three, sometimes, someone can come out
of nowhere and do something amazing.
I know some of you think,
"Well, she abandoned the people of Earth."
But look, it's not true.
Obviously we don't know
exactly what she's been up to.
But maybe she just needed a break,
you know?
Can a woman just live, hmm?
Maybe we'll learn something new
at AvengerCon this weekend.
I'm gonna be dressed as Captain Marvel.
Obviously.
Anyway, that's all I got for this week.
Next week, I'm gonna kick off a special
two-part series
on why I think Thor is secretly a gamer.
Remember, new episodes drop
every Wednesday.
Be sure to like, comment and subscribe
at Sloth Baby Productions.
- Kamala Khan.
- Coming, Ammi.
Hurry up. You're going to be late
for your driving test.
Aamir, if you
don't stop praying long enough
to put some food in your mouth,
one day you will starve to death.
May Allah forgive you one day.
Kamala, please don't forget to
look at the mirrors
every 15 seconds at least.
Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, Kamala, my Kamala,
the road is a long and winding one,
so never fully stop at stop signs.
Way too early for poetry, Abbu.
All right, listen.
You do know that you don't really have
to look in the mirrors that often?
Yes, she does.
Listen, just make sure that the instructor
can see you move your head, okay?
And remember to say Bismallah
before you start the car.
You're gonna need
all the help you can get.
Don't even have a license.
How about you start by turning the car on?
Pull out whenever you're ready.
Bismallah.
Bless you.
I don't think anyone saw.
That's my car.
You set her up to fail,
having her drive in the street
with all the other cars.
I have taught her to drive myself.
Ma'am, because of your daughter,
I'm walking home.
Oh, come on. Are you trying to tell me
she didn't look in the mirrors
enough for you and your clipboard?
I wouldn't say that's the problem.
- Oh!
- Then you'll also say that
you expected her to signal
at every single turn?
Yeah.
- Choro ji.
- Kamina kahika!
Give me my keys.
Okay, Kamala, come on. Chalo.
I'm so sorry that this family car,
you know, that your father earned
with his very hard-earned money,
it has seen a lot of trauma.
Hmm. I'm also sorry
that you're not going to be able
to help me with all the things for your
brother's wedding you said you would.
This is my fault. This is all my fault.
These are my genetics.
I mean, I come from a long line
of fantasizing, unrealistic daydreamers.
My mother was one.
Camelia, glad you're not bruising
from that dodge ball incident.
Oh!
Why is she waving? That's weird.
Hey, guys.
I'm just gonna sneak in there
and grab my chem text book.
We're in the middle of something.
One sec.
I'll Google the periodic table. Yeah.
Rough morning all around.
Had a bet you were gonna pass,
so now I'm out 10 bucks.
I told my mom to stop texting you guys.
Plenty of people fail their driver's test.
Instructors focus on the tiniest things.
I crashed my car into his car.
Oh. That's on you. Yeah. Uh...
- So I guess we're not going to AvengerCon.
- No, no, no, Bruno.
A cosplay competition for Carol Danvers
at the greatest fan event of the year.
My costume is near perfect,
pending the final flourish.
Still trying to think of that flourish?
- It'll come to me any second now.
- Sure it will.
I'm sorry. I really do love you.
Got any plans this weekend?
As of this morning, Kamala and I are free.
No.
Are you inviting me
to play Smash Bros?
- Because if so, I'm busy.
- Don't hate the player, hate the game.
The thing is I do hate the game, though.
Really?
- Sorry, Zoe.
- It's fine.
I like your jacket.
Thanks. I like your necklace.
Thanks.
It's actually my name in Arabic.
Okay, see you later.
Would it be super weird if we asked her
for a ride to AvengerCon?
- Yes.
- Why?
Her mom used to drive us
to school all the time.
Because she is the absolute worst
now that she has 100,000 followers.
80,000.
Kamala Khan,
please come to my office ASAP.
You've done something very wrong.
Just kidding. It is crazy that the
whole school can hear this.
No, nothing is wrong.
I just wanna chat. Can't wait.
- PS, this is Mr. Wilson.
- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.
Okay, first off, I just wanna say
I get it.
You get what?
I hear you've had a hectic couple weeks.
Very funny.
But your teachers, you know, they're
telling me you're doodling all day,
staring off into space
in your little fantasy land.
Hey.
Oh... Really?
We truly started the meeting
30 seconds ago.
- You gotta be with me, girl.
- Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Wilson.
No. Mr. Wilson was my father.
My name is Gabe. His name was also Gabe.
So, doesn't super-work.
But let's talk about you. In junior year,
it's time to start really thinking
about your future.
I mean, college admissions are coming up,
before you know it, it's SATs,
it's essays, it's applications.
Do you volunteer? 'Cause
college admissions eat that up.
I mean, of course,
do it to help people too, but I mean...
It helps. It does help.
Oh, no. No, I'm not...
You know I'm not trying
to scare you, right?
Do I have to figure out my whole future
before lunch or is there, like...
I'm gonna give you a task.
I want you to go home.
Not right now, but after school.
Then you're gonna look yourself
in the mirror and ask yourself,
"Kamala, who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me?"
- You're reciting lyrics from Mulan.
- I am, I am.
You are.
Okay, Kamala, all I'm saying is
right now, I see a girl divided.
"Is she there or is she there?
Where's Kamala?"
Who knows? No one knows.
I don't even know. I can't see. Where?
And I know. I know fantasy's fun,
fantasy's really fun.
But right now, I need you to
pull yourself together and join reality.
You know, the plan was perfect.
I was gonna get my license.
Then under the cover of stupid
wedding errands, we just have, like,
one pure, beautiful day of freedom
at AvengerCon.
- Guess there's always next year.
- No, there's no next year.
This is the first one ever.
And then future historians,
they're gonna start writing about it,
and where does it start? Here.
Okay? There's not gonna be another
first AvengerCon ever again. Never.
- Switch to the back-up plan then.
- You have a back-up plan?
What's... What's your back-up plan?
In concept, it is pretty easy.
But it's gonna take a lot of finesse
and subtlety on your part.
And you just aren't...
- I can be subtle.
- You can be subtle?
Okay. Listen, you enter your home,
you sit down at the dinner table,
smile, and you ask your mom.
- You're an idiot.
- I'm not. I'm actually a genius.
So, can we stop acting
like your mom is Darth Vader?
Every single thing I love,
she seems to hate.
And it's like she thinks I'm some kind of,
you know, weirdo.
You are a weirdo. Whoa!
What?
If I'm weird, you're weirder.
I know. But more importantly,
I've gotten weirdly good at airbrushing.
I put the rest of it together, but okay.
- So...
- You think we'll win?
Please.
We're going, we're conquering.
And we're high-fiving in slow motion.
Bruno, I still need to figure out
my final flourish for my costume.
- Any ideas?
- Okay.
How about steam punk Captain Marvel?
- Steampunk is dead.
- Okay, fine.
How about a mashup?
Like Captain Panther or Iron Marvel?
Ooh, Doctor Strange Marvel.
I can, like, wear a cape.
- Capes are cool.
- Even Asgardian.
You know, be like a badass Valkyrie,
ride a horse.
I can't build you a horse,
but otherwise...
You can build me sloth baby wings.
That's very me.
Completely you. Wings, a little tiara.
- Playing here.
- Captain Princess Marvel.
No princesses. I'm sorry.
You know what's even better?
- What?
- Zombie Captain Marvel.
I could be like, "I'll eat your brains.
But I also have super powers."
Okay. Hey, let's never do
that zombie impersonation again.
Hi, Kamala beta. How are you?
Hmm? How was school?
Apparently I have four days to
figure out my whole future, so that's...
Don't be so dramatic, Kamala.
What are you watching?
Turn that off.
- Is this from Nani?
- Must be things for the baat paaki.
Aamir. Aamir, come down here, please.
Why'd she also send all this junk?
I'd like to tell you
that it's because she's growing old,
but she's always been this way.
She doesn't want to die
before passing on all her junk to us.
Aamir, have you lost your ears?
This is so cool. Is this Nani's?
That is junk.
Aamir, here. Take this
and put it in the attic right now,
and then unpack the groceries.
- Why can't Kamala do it?
- She's going to help me with my errands.
- You know the ones for your wedding?
- I am?
Yes, you are. Chalo. Let's go.
Attic, and with me.
- Chalo, Kamala, let's go.
- Don't mess up those errands.
Let's go. No time today.
Kamala.
- What's up, Najaf?
- What's going on, Kamala?
- Amma ji, kaisi hain?
- Bilkul.
Flying vultures in Armani suits
buying up the whole neighborhood.
Maybe we'll actually get
a Halal Guys this time.
They charge you for extra sauce
at Halal Guys.
You're too short.
She's not too short.
This thing is too long.
Shakat, mere kapre taiyar hain?
Salaam alaikum, Muneeba ji.
Wa alaikum salaam.
- Wedding shopping, I see.
- Mmm-hmm.
Did you hear about
Fatima's engagement? Broken.
Oi, what happened?
She decided that she wasn't
ready for commitment.
So now she's off gallivanting
through Europe to "discover" herself.
What does she have
to discover about herself?
Good for her.
I mean, she wanted to travel the world
and she went for it. So that's cool.
She's trouble, this one.
Mmm-hmm.
She's going to discover that
she doesn't have a ring on her finger.
And then I saw her.
She was getting very comfortable
with some gora boy named Rob in Belgium.
- You're too short for that, Jaanu.
- Yes, you really are too short for that.
- Handsome, huh?
- Oh, yeah, Mr. K.
Okay. But what will this do?
So this is a security camera, okay?
So you can see who's home from your phone.
- From my phone?
- Oh, yeah, from your phone.
We're living in the future.
So, I made this myself. Okay?
This is the Zuzu system.
It connects all your devices
and I added some new features.
All you have to say is "Zuzu"
and tell it what you want.
So... Zuzu, turn off the lights.
- And I programmed it to understand Urdu.
- Urdu?
Yeah. Zuzu.
Batti kolo.
Waah!
- This is magic.
- Yeah, it's pretty cool.
Cool? This is absolute magic.
- Hi, Bruno beta.
- Hey.
Are you staying for dinner?
- No, no, I got some work.
- Okay, I'll pack you something to go.
- No, no, I'm good.
- No, no, of course I will.
- Hey.
- How was it?
Don't mention Belgium
or any guy named Rob.
Did you ask her about AvengerCon?
Kamala, ask her. Just ask her.
Bruno, there's a spicy one
at the bottom for Nonna.
- Okay?
- Oh, my gosh.
How did you do that so fast?
You stick to the gizmos, beta.
This is my secret.
Okay. I'll see you soon.
- See you soon.
- Muneeba.
Haan? Bolo.
Ask her.
Zuzu, switch to sports channel.
So, Bruno has made this and he's connected
all the devices to this Zuzu.
- Okay.
- Watch this.
- Abbu.
- Ah, defensive...
- Ammi.
- Mmm?
So, there's this thing called AvengerCon.
You know,
it's really something incredible.
It's never been done before.
It's, like, the first fan event
celebrating our great heroes of our time
and it's totally historic,
and it's, like, very educational.
And Bruno is, um...
Bruno, he's, like, really into this stuff,
you know, so he's...
He really wants to go
and he asked me if I wanna tag along
so that, you know, he's not alone,
because poor Bruno, right?
He doesn't have much of a family.
- Zuzu, TV rokna.
- So you want to go to a party, at night?
- Is this a joke?
- No.
Is Bruno recording this for Internet?
No. It's... I'm 16.
Look, I promise
I won't do anything stupid.
- You do trust me, right?
- No. I don't trust you.
- Of course she does.
- No, I don't.
She does. We do.
It's just that we don't trust anyone else.
You're still young and there are so many
strange people roaming around at night.
Or strange boys.
Thinking God knows know what
and drinking God knows what.
It's not a party, it's a convention.
And what exactly will you be doing there?
There's a lot of stuff, actually.
There's, like, this cosplay competition
which is...
It's, like, this historical reenactment.
And how exactly
will you be dressed?
As Captain Marvel.
Huh?
- Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel.
- Captain Marvel. Astaghfirullah.
- Hey, salaam, everyone.
- She's a hero.
- In a very tight suit.
- It's not that tight.
Yes, it is.
It's not like I'm asking to go to a party
and do cocaine.
Not a lot of salaam here, huh?
Now, if it was him asking...
Be like, "Oh, yes, Aamir. Do what
you want, Aamir beta. Please, please."
But me, no, because I can't do a single
normal teenage thing in this house, right?
Come on, beta. You're not normal.
Beta, I meant you're special.
Knock, please.
Brought you some chai.
Look, that was a bold move.
Not very well thought out,
but I respect you for trying.
You know, all she does to me is say no.
It's, like, where is this
out of proportion worry for you?
- I'll talk to them.
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean, you look kinda pathetic.
- Thank you.
I got you.
Night, Tiny K.
You want me to turn off the lights
or are you still afraid of the djinn?
- Okay, I'm not 12.
- This says you're 12. Good night.
Bike lock engaged.
Just a second.
Kamala, what are you doing?
Stretching.
- Stretching?
- Yeah.
So, your brother told us
about your Avengers party.
- He did?
- Yes.
And even though it will be
a distraction from your studies,
and there will be
lot of haram going on there, Kamala,
we have decided to let you go.
- Really? Really? Really?
- Yes, but there are special conditions.
Your Abbu will drive you there and he will
go inside with you for two hours.
And as far as your dressing goes,
I have a surprise for you.
The Hulk.
Wait, wait. Best is yet to come.
Ta-da!
Oye, chak de phatte!
See, Kamala. Big Hulk and little Hulk.
Bara Hulk aur choti Hulk!
- So cute you all will look.
- Oh, my God. Okay, it's...
Mmm.
There's no big Hulk, little Hulk.
It's just not...
- They are all heroes.
- This is mine and Bruno's thing, okay?
Come on, bacchi.
Can't you make an exception for Abbu?
I can't wear a salwar kameez
to AvengerCon, okay?
And you can't come with me,
not dressed like that,
because it is so humiliating.
- Okay, I didn't mean it like that.
- Bas, Kamala.
If you don't go with your dad,
you're not going at all.
I made this for you.
You're not going to dress up like
all those other girls in skimpy outfits.
That is not you.
Abbu.
You're not going.
So the worst thing
that could happen has happened.
Is that code for "I fell into
the Hudson for the third time"?
That's "Black Sloth Down."
And I fell in once, okay?
- Twice.
- It means everything sucks.
Meet me on the roof in 10.
- You've never even seen them like that.
- Like what? Like, mad?
Hurt. Bruno, I think I made my dad cry.
Mr. Khan crying?
That's not good. That's...
Yeah, but listen.
Your mom and dad,
they're gonna calm down, okay?
You're gonna apologize. It'll be fine.
Yeah, but maybe they're right.
Maybe I spend too much time with fan art,
and costumes and with my head stuck
in fantasy land. So...
- Who is "they"?
- My mom.
My teachers. Mr. Wilson.
Everyone.
There was a girl who decided she wanted
to go backpacking around Europe.
And you would literally think
she joined a death cult
given the way all the aunties just gossip
about her.
I'm lost. What does that have to do
with AvengerCon?
Because dressing up as Captain Marvel
is weird.
- No, it's not.
- It is childish.
And I know that, okay?
And let's be honest, it's not really
the brown girls from Jersey City
who save the world.
Sure they do.
You're Kamala Khan.
You wanna save the world?
Then you're gonna save the world.
With the right equipment, of course.
Speaking of, newest prototype.
- Are those Photon gloves?
- Yeah.
- Do you want them or...
- Yes.
Oh, my God. You made these?
- Yeah. I mean, do you like them?
- Yes.
Oh! "Bruno Carrelli Corporations."
I like it. Has a nice ring to it.
- How do they turn on?
- Right here. Bow!
- See?
- This is cosmic. This is cosmic. Get up.
- We're getting up.
- We're getting up.
Listen, they don't shoot
real photon blasts.
- I'm ready.
- Oh, we're fighting?
Oh, my gosh. Oh!
Zoe! You did that on purpose.
- No, I did not.
- Yes, you...
You're supposed to be
the latest in technology?
Thank God I didn't pay for you, I say.
What is it that I'm saying
you can't understand?
I'm speaking in English, not code.
So here goes. Shall we try again? Okay.
- Good night, Abbu.
- Sleep tight, beta.
Zuzu, please, switch the TV...
Kamala, please tell Bruno
this Zuzu is possessed by the evil djinn.
He needs to fix it.
Zuzu, television, switch it on.
If I can't leave the house
to go to AvengerCon,
I'll go to AvengerCon
without leaving the house.
How many slushies have you had today?
Because all that red dye three,
it's making your brain...
Look, it's illusions, old friend.
You set up the smart house stuff
for my dad,
so you're basically our inside man.
- This is the plan.
- Kamala, you're the best sister ever.
Honestly, you should
have been an only child.
Kamala is the best daughter
in the whole wide world.
Stop, please. I'm shy.
5:49 p.m.,
I gracefully excuse myself.
And as my family celebrates my existence,
I go to my bedroom.
And it's...
- Are you following?
- Yes. Keep going.
5:55, I suit up in the greatest
Captain Marvel costume
the Earth has ever seen...
Don't worry, it'll be finished by then,
I hope.
Then I make my way out of the house
undetected but extremely impressive where
you'll be waiting in your costume, which
better be awesome. Don't embarrass me.
- Me embarrass you?
- Yeah, I said it.
Oh, come on. I didn't even want beans.
But what if your parents
go into your room?
- That's where you come in, right?
- What?
You and your fancy Zuzu
system are going to be my cover.
So, when there's a knock on the door...
Don't come in. I'm changing.
Finally, you being a genius
is coming in handy.
Sorry, beta. Sorry.
What do you mean "finally?"
6:30,
we catch the bus to Camp Lehigh.
And it might be a tight window
but we're gonna do it with style.
Wait...
Is that us biking off a bridge onto a bus?
Dream bigger, Bruno!
It's gonna be epic.
We get on the bus just in time.
Everyone stares at us in awe
because we look back at them
and their costumes are just... Meh.
Okay.
Then it's time for a tight but spontaneous
60 minutes of fun at AvengerCon.
Then at 8:00 p.m.,
the real reason we're here,
the reason I learnt to sew
and you learnt to airbrush.
The cosplay competition.
I win, obviously. We collect my crown and
I'm assuming it's made of real diamonds.
It's definitely not.
Then after a few
quick photos with fans,
maybe some chats with the press,
we bounce.
I'll sneak back into my room just before
my dad comes in at 9:22 p.m.
That's the plan. Got it?
So your plan is take the bus.
All this, and that's your note? Really?
Does how we get there matter
if you haven't finished your costume yet?
They want you to bring some of you
to Captain Marvel, right?
So your mom's Hulk isn't the right idea
but maybe something Pakistani?
Oh, my God, Aamir.
- Ammi, I'm going to Taysha's this evening.
- Nice. Say hi to her parents from me.
Yeh le lo ji aap.
And which is why I always say,
between the authorities and us the people,
we are to blame.
And that is why the salamanders
are almost extinct in Pakistan.
Which is why I'm also so worried
about the plight of the parrots.
Speaking of parrots, you just reminded me
I have a biology report
that's due tomorrow. So...
Beta, you gotta listen to me
what I have to tell you about parrots.
Nope.
Are you okay?
Come on.
- That was my way back in.
- I know. We missed the bus.
We can still make the next one,
but if we miss it, it's game over.
No, no. Come on, come on.
Stop. Wait, please. That's my bike.
Come on, man. Open the door.
Dude.
How likely is it I'm gonna find it there
when I get back?
In Jersey City?
Oh, I'd say you have a 0.0001% chance.
Bike lock engaged.
- We made it. We made it.
- Yeah!
Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Yeah!
Hey.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Motion detected.
- Aamir's out for the evening.
- Mmm-hmm.
Kamala is in her room.
Aah!
Coming up next,
the Captain Marvel cosplay contest.
Showtime.
First place gets a...
Here you go.
- Is that Zoe?
- You guys look amazing.
Why is she here?
- The costume's not even accurate.
- She doesn't even like the Avengers.
It's okay. It's okay, okay?
I have to compete against her now?
Don't worry about it.
It's your time to shine. Literally.
- You have the gloves?
- Yeah. They're in my bag.
Last call for
the Captain Marvel cosplay competition.
Cosplayers, please line up
on the side of the stage.
AvengerCon, give it up.
Amazing Captain America cosplayers.
Thank you, Captain America cosplayers.
Congratulations to the winner.
You guys are all good to go.
We're kicking things off...
Hi.
Wow. You look great. Yeah, good.
- What are you wearing?
- It's Bruce Banner.
- What is that?
- My personal self-expression.
Oh, cool. Okay.
Yeah, but I can't get it on.
It's, like, sealed shut for some reason.
- Where are the gloves?
- Oh, they're just...
Crap. I left it in the bathroom.
This is our final final call
for contestants to the stage.
I'm gonna run and get it.
No, we don't have time.
You gotta go. It's good. It's fine.
You got the bangle. Put it on.
Take your phones out. Show them the love.
They are here.
Got it.
- Did you see that?
- Come on. You gotta go.
...amazing Captain Marvel.
And we've got a final Captain Marvel
coming to the stage right now.
Oh, God.
Come on, come on.
Oh, my God.
Uh, all right.
Well, good luck following that, everybody.
Wow. I thought my Captain Marvel costume
was gonna make people stare.
Oh, my God.
Are you available to book for parties?
You wanna take a picture?
I'll tag you. I follow back.
- Mostly.
- Move.
Oh, my God! Help me! Help me!
What was that? Are you okay?
We need to go.
What just happened?
I don't even know what to say.
Okay, Bruno,
I actually have powers.
Okay. Come on. Help me up.
Ready? Three, two, one.
- Go.
- Oh, gosh.
Did that come out of your foot?
Are you okay?
Hey, keep me updated.
And text me everything.
So weird. Hey.
- Please don't tell anyone.
- Stop, okay? I'd never tell anyone.
- Never ever?
- Never ever ever.
Kamala.
Where have you been?
What are you doing?
I'm not recognizing you.
Who is this rebellious girl
sneaking out, lying to Abbu and me?
I'm not trying to be rebellious.
And I'm trying
to protect you from yourself.
I've seen what happens when people
get obsessed with their fantasies.
I know you're just gonna tell me
some story about Nani and...
So you knew what I was
going to say tonight, huh?
And you knew that it would betray me,
but you still went and did it anyway.
- Sorry.
- It's time to stop fantasizing.
I wish that you would just focus on you.
Your grades. Your family.
Your story.
I mean, who do you want to be
in this world, huh?
Do you want to be good,
like we raised you to be,
or do you want to be some, you know,
this cosmic head-in-the-clouds person?
You think about that.
Cosmic.
Check this out.
- Teenage girl at AvengerCon.
- AvengerCon?
A cosplayer with too much time
on their hands.
Not this one.
I've never seen powers like that.
Whoa.
Yeah, bring her in.