Mrs. Fletcher (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Parents' Weekend - full transcript

I think I have a crush on Curtis.

Okay.

- Do you like this class?
- Yeah, I do.

- How old are you?
- How old are you?

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I'm a housewife. Uh...

I...

met my husband in college.

Uh... We have two kids.

I'm, um... an administrative assistant

for a real estate firm.



I like yoga, and, uh, jewelry making.

Well, no one knows until they know,

um, I'm a squirter.

Yeah, I like it rough. Really rough.

Do you have fetishes?

I like my feet licked.

- Your toes, or your... Yeah.
- My whole... My whole foot.

From the top all the way down.

Have you ever had a threesome?

No, but I... No.

If you did, what would it be?

Two women? Two men?

A guy and a girl?

All of it sounds really good.



What's on your sexual bucket list?

Gang bangs. That's... That seems...

That seems like it's pushing the limit,

but I think... eventually,

it's something that I would love to do.

Have you ever done an adult video?

- Anything like this before?
- No.

What made you decide to do this?

I guess just curiosity, mostly, uh...

excitement, and just wonder,
like, what this could be like,

and I thought it might be fun.

All right, ready to do this?

I'm ready. Okay then...

...let's get things rolling.

Okay. Cool.

Hey, Leilani.

What happened?

Oh, no, that's awful.

Okay, well, I'll let everyone know.

Who is it this time?

Um... Roy Rafferty.

What a shame.

Dude, my dad...

he actually ran three half-marathons.

That's more than a full marathon.

It's a... It's one-and-a-half marathons.

Do you, uh... Do you mind if I disappear

your little Japanese fuck-me doll?

Her name is Hiroko. Call her by her name.

Yeah, Hiroko feels a little bit racist.

No, she... It can't be
racist because I love her.

Yeah, it's still racist.

Um... Okay, on this episode
of Snot or Cum?

Yeah.

- And this is crusty, I feel it.
- Shit.

- I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.
- I know. I haven't washed it.

I can't handle all this shit, so...

Oh, shit. All right.

Yo, will you tell your
parents I say hi though?

- Yeah, sure.
- Especially your mom, okay?

- 'Cause I'm gonna fuck your mom.
- Oh.

I'm surprised you'd have the energy

after jerking off to your dad all day long.

Well, you'd be surprised.
I have a lot of stamina.

Fucking... Will you get the door?

- Hi.
- So, this is the, um...

the famous senior center.

Uh... Yep, it is.

Um... I... Sorry, I wanted to apologize...

for the other night. I...

that was not cool, so... I hope I didn't...
say anything weird.

It's okay.

Thank you, but it's okay. We were all...

Yeah.

So...

It was fun.

Yeah, it was.

Um... Eve...

Are you... Are you doing
anything this weekend?

I've had a really...
really long day, Julian.

I'm gonna...

just gonna go home.

I'll see you in class?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey!

- These are from your mom.
- Oh, my gosh.

- She sends her love.
- Okay.

There's all kinds of
things tucked in places.

- Just put it right here?
- Uh-huh. Yeah.

Let me look at you. Yeah. I
think college agrees with you.

Hey!

What's up, man?

Hey, these are pretty nice digs.

Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's, um...

Hello!

Hey, come on in.

Oh, my God. I haven't been
in a dorm room in so long.

What's going on?

What do you think?

You didn't tell him we
were coming, did you?

I'm sorry.

No, no, no. It...

He always thinks he did,
but he always didn't.

Yeah.

- But we love him anyway.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Hi.

No, no, it's fine. It's totally cool.

- I know he didn't.
- Yeah.

Jonathan really wanted to see you.

Yeah! Hey, little man. What's up?

You still playing with, uh... Scruffy?

Stripey.

Oh, yeah. Stripey.

Okay, so, uh...

Dinner? You guys wanna go get some dinner?

Well, Jonathan's not crazy
about restaurants...

- Right.
- ...so we got some burritos.

- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Where can we, uh... you wanna sit...

Oh, yeah.

Anywhere. Sorry, it's kind
of a free for all. Um...

- What've we got here?
- Wanna take off your bag?

There you go.

Hey, got your... Wanna beer?

All right.

- Let's make it a party.
- Yeah, you got it.

- It's a dorm party.
- Dorm party.

Hey, can I get one of those?

Thank you.

Ready to make your dreams come true?

Not getting any younger.

Why are you doing this?

It's on my bucket list.

Are you nervous?

No.

Why'd you wait so long?

I didn't think I was allowed.

You were always a good little girl, huh?

I don't wanna be a good girl anymore.

Well, it's your lucky day.

I've got two hot studs waiting
right outside the door.

- You ready?
- I'm so ready.

Oh, my... No.

Girls did not dress like
that when I went to school.

You must be cleaning up.

Wanna try some waffle?

Beep, beep. It's backing up.
Beep, beep, beep. It's crunchy.

- Yeah, you like that?
- So, what's the plan for today?

I was thinking we could
go to the football game.

If, um...

Guess not.

You try the applesauce?

You might not know this, but, uh...

I went to college for a couple of years.

I majored in partying and being stupid.

Yeah.

I was so ashamed...

when I flunked out.

All that wasted money...

I tried to apologize to my dad,

and he tells me, "Don't worry about it."

He says, "Come work for me.

It's all I ever wanted."

He made it into a good thing.

That's who this man was.

You know.

He loved and accepted everybody...

for who they were.

Never wanted you to be...

somebody you weren't.

This man's my hero.

I love you, Pop.

Hey, get away from him.

You got no right.

You kick him out for being
some kind of pervert,

then you come here and you
wanna give him a kiss?

Maybe you're the pervert.
You ever think of that?

Please don't call me that, George.

Well, you sure got the nerve of a pervert.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm so sor...

My father was a good man.

I'm sorry if I offended you, George.

Your father meant a lot to me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
It was a lovely service.

Okay.

- You wanna get a drink?
- Ah, yes. Please.

- Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah. Please.

I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad I'm here, too.

Um... So, um...

you know, I was thinking about our
conversation the other night...

and I was wondering...

if I could pick your writer brain a bit.

I didn't realize this was
gonna be a brain pick.

I thought we were just hanging out.

Oh... Yeah. That... Me too.
That's what we're doing.

Oh, God... I'm sorry then. Oh. I...

It's just that phrase. "Pick your brain."

- Oh. I'm sorry.
- God, it's so aggressive.

Yeah, I didn't mean to put it that way.

No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have reacted that...

It's fine.

Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy.

Patriarchy.

Patriarchy.

I get it. Men suck.

- You made your point.
- Yeah.

Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy.

- Sorry. Excuse me.
- No, excuse me.

- Sorry.
- Back away.

Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy.

Go long.

Go long!

Oh!

Hey, you guys wanna hit those food trucks?

Aw, I love them... You hungry, man?

They make me miss Austin so much.

Okay, I get it. You miss Austin.
We'll visit.

You like trucks, right, buddy?

Right?

We're the Little Monsters,
and we'd like to welcome

all you parents to BSU.

One, two, three, four.

All right, hold on, John.

Did he touch you? Can I touch you?

Do you want your headphones?

Daddy's here. You're safe. You're safe.

Okay, breathe deep.

There you go. Can you take a deep breath?

There you go, there you go.

I worked at McDonald's in a
food court in high school.

I used to steal the Beanie Babies

from the Happy Meals and
sell them on the side.

Well, when I worked at Anthropologie,

I used steal defective
dresses, and then, my friends

would return them for cash
and I would keep a cut.

Okay, so you're a mob boss.

Oh, yeah. That's right. You scared now?

Nah.

You can't hold people responsible

for stuff they did when
they were teenagers.

Their brains haven't fully developed yet.

I was 31.

- And the assistant manager.
- What?

Okay, that's definitely a crime.

Do you know how much adjunct
professors get paid?

I do.

I guess you gotta make
your money somewhere, huh?

At least I didn't steal from children.

God, I haven't done that in so long.

Yeah?

Yep.

Okay, I've never used one
of these though, so...

Well, it's a vape. You just kinda suck in.

- Okay. I don't press anything on the side.
- No.

Okay. I get it.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

Do you think Roy knew he
was losing it at the end?

I know he did.

You know, he was scared.

What do you think that feels like?

Hopeless.

Just floating away from...

everyone you love.

Do you wanna get in a hot tub?

Do you have one?

No. But my neighbors do
and they're not here.

Did they say you can get in that hot tub?

I... They didn't say I couldn't.

You... You need a tie for your door.
The handle.

- You know about that?
- You're so old.

I'm so old.

Well, I'll lend you a tie if you need it.

- I do. I don't have a tie.
- That'll be your care package.

Maybe you should play some intramurals.

Might be kinda fun to be on a team again.

Yeah. Maybe.

So, look, I think we're gonna
have to head back tonight.

Yeah, I know it's a bummer, but, uh...

Johnathan needs to be in
familiar surroundings.

And, uh... you know.

Yeah. I get it.

Look, we shouldn't have brought him.

Bethany really pushed for it, and, uh...

Why is he your favorite?

What?

That's not true.

It is, though.

Come on.

It's supposed to be, like, our weekend.

I... I just didn't...

- I know. I know.
- So, I dunno. I dunno.

- I'm sorry it's disappointing.
- It's dumb.

It's...

Look, here's the thing.

Jonathan has so many... needs.

And you don't.

I know it's not fair.

But the thing is, is you're good.

You're good. I don't
have to worry about you.

You're... You're so smart.
You are good at sports.

You're... People like you. People love you.

Everything... Things...

I don't need to worry about you.

You're good. Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Good.

It's not here.

You sure it's not in your room?

No, we checked everywhere. Did
you look in the backpack?

Yeah, like six times.

Let's just go. We'll deal with it at home.

Brendan, you'll let us
know if you find Stripey.

Thank you for letting
us crash this weekend.

Sorry.

All right.

Take care of yourself.

Come on, you got this.

Thanks.

God, she sucks.

She was... She's a bitch, but I loved her.

It was for the best, you know.

- Seeing anybody now?
- No...

Just like random Tinder people. But...

it's bad, I know, but it's...

Sometimes, you just need
to get fucked, right?

I mean, I can't... I just
cannot imagine having sex

- with somebody that you've just...
- It's weird!

- ...met.
- It's weird.

But it's better than nothing.

My mom had this thing...

where our next-door neighbor who was, um...
a retired cop.

He used to come over to the house sometimes

when his wife was working
the graveyard shifts,

and they would just like cuddle
on the couch together...

and watch TV.

I think that's all they did.

They just sat there. She
called him her TV buddy.

I know.

But then, his wife retired
and then it stopped.

That sounds really nice.

I want a TV buddy.

- Yeah. Totally.
- Yeah.

Actually, I wrecked both my first two cars.

- Oh, really? - Yeah, and like the
first one within two weeks.

How'd you do that?

I'm just a terrible driver honestly.

God. That's terrible.

- Um... Here I am.
- Oh.

Here you are.

Uh... So, I have an essay
in this new lit magazine,

and they're having a launch party

in Brooklyn on Wednesday.

You should come with me.

You mean like as your date?

- Hm?
- Yeah.

Um... You know, Wednesdays are tough,

- but let me see...
- Okay.

Don't worry about it. I... I didn't.

Hey, wait!

No. Have a good night, Curtis.

The answer is yes, I have.

But just one time.

Was it with two... two women...

and two... or and...

or was it with two women...

...or was it with two men?

Or one woman and one man?

It was three women.

Ah.

It was my ex, and then her ex, so...

very complicated.

Oh... Okay.

What about you? What's your deal?
What's your thing?

I mean, I th... It's weird. I've...

I mean, I...

- My son went away to college...
- Mm-hm.

I don't know. Ever since then,
I've been having these...

- What?
- Like...

crazy fantasies.

Like crazy fantasies.

Uh...

It's insane.

Well, what are you gonna do about 'em?

Nothing!

Do it!

Pervert.

I needed that. Thank you.

Oh... Oh... Okay.

Thank you so much for taking care of me.

Yeah, it was fun.

- Oh, it was so much fun.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

We should do this again.

Yeah, I... I would love that,

and next time, maybe we'll just...

watch a movie or...

Oh, my God.

- Oh, shit.
- Do...

- Amanda, I am so sorry.
- Don't be.

- Why?
- No, this is horrible.

- Don't be sorry!
- I'm really...

- Don't be sorry! It's okay.
- I really fucked this.

- I'm so sorry.
- It is fine.

Oh, my God.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm just gonna go 'cause I... I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry.
- Oh, my God.

- I'm fine.
- Okay.

- You are? 'Cause I...
- I'm okay. Are you okay?

- I'm so fine. I'm just...
- Okay.

I feel... I'm nervous.

Well, I was just worried that you're...

- Okay.
- No, I am great.

Okay.

- Okay. Do you need help?
- Is there a trick to this?

No, no, no. It's just a normal lock.

- It's a normal lock.
- Oh, it's locked.

- Okay, I thought it was a...
- Yeah. No, I keep it...

Okay, thank you so much.

- Sorry. Oh, my God. Okay.
- You're welcome.

High school, everyone liked me.
Now I'm just like, the bad guy.

Welcome to feeling uncomfortable.

I've been uncomfortable!

I really thought that Curtis and
I had a special connection.

Have you ever dated a trans person?

Have you ever dated a black person?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

We are in such a dry period.
It's been quite a while.

Same with me.

- Oh.
- Sorry.

You should be.

How can I make it up to you?