Mrs. Fletcher (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Empty Best - full transcript

I'm not sure when she's due.

Oh, my God!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah, like that. Yeah, just like that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck! Christ, it's so
fucking deep in my ass.

So fucking far up that ass.

Mrs. Fletcher!

Shit! Fuck!

Hi!

Oh, my God, baby!



Fuck! That's fucking in...

Okay. I'm sorry.

I... I... I, you know,
you just scared me.

I thought it was something bad.

It's not good, George.

I mean, you have to understand,

the craft ladies were
beading bracelets...

... while your father was
watching porn at full blast.

So, what's the big deal?
Everybody watches porn.

Uh... Not in public.

I think what I'm suggesting to you

is that when older people start
to lose their inhibitions,

it could be a sign of a more serious...

- neurological condition.
- Hold on.



You a doctor?

Are you even a nurse?

No, I am not... even a nurse.

I know this might be
hard for you to hear,

but I think now might
be a good time for you

to start looking for other arrangements

- for your father's care.
- I can't afford...

other arrangements for my father's care.

Okay? Can you just cut him a break?

He's an old man, my mother's dead.

Okay? He can only eat soup.

He has no pleasures in life.

You have any idea what that's like?

Maybe making dreamcatchers

isn't enough to get a guy
through his whole fucking day.

I'm not trying to take
away his pleasure, George,

he just can't watch porn in
front of the craft ladies!

I'll make sure to tell him that.

Nice chat.

Okay, so, this is your...

Nighttime clothes will be in this, okay?

Hey, don't do the new iPhone update,

'cause it just totally
fucks up older phones.

Okay, good to know.

So...

Uh...

Uh... I say now we
gotta tackle your desk.

Which I have been yelled
at for touching before.

So, I'm gonna need some guidance here.

- Uh... Earth to Brendan.
- Yeah, what?

I don't know what you want
me to do with all this crap.

- Um...
- Okay, so, like this.

Take it or leave it?

- Take.
- Take. Okay.

Are you sure?

Does this thing need to be driven
in a car from one place to another?

Right, I guess it might
not fit in the van.

I don't wanna micro-manage your stuff.

I know... If you love it,
you love it. I just...

feel like...

That was pretty easy. Done.

Wow.

Well, thank you for all your help.

I couldn't have done it without you.

- I'm just tired of this.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you tired of lying down?
Do you need to go lie down?

Whoa. This is like
my last night at home, Mom.

- Do you really wanna do this?
- Do you?

- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.

- Are you hungry?
- Mm-hm.

I think I'm hungry.

Mm.

- Oh, I should've cut your hair.
- Oh, my God.

All you wanted was pasta.

The only thing that you
would put in your mouth

was pasta with red sauce.

Oh, please, find some protein.

- Protein bars, and pasta.
- No!

Yeah.

Well...

... try not to fill up,

'cause maybe somebody...

went out and got you...

... some celebratory cupcakes!

Uh... I... can't right now though,

'cause I gotta meet Troy and Wade.

That's cool, right?

Uh...

- Yeah, but...
- Last night, so I just figured

- I should see them.
- No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You should hang out with your friends.

I actually gotta go.

Um... Thanks for dinner...

- for packing my stuff.
- Yeah.

Okay. Well, have fun.

Not too late though, Brendan, okay?

- It's a really big day tomorrow.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I know.
- Okay.

- Love you.
- All right.

Look at you, big motherfucker!

Yo. Hi! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Yes! Hi.

Bro, you are so feelin' it right now.

- You can see it in his eyes.
- I'm not!

It's obvious!

- True.
- Yeah, it's true.

Oh!

Okay, okay.

Hey.

Hey.

Uh... Just... wanted to check in.

Our little guy's going to college!

- Mm-hm.
- How are we holding up?

Um... Well, "we" are working hard.

Well, I just wanna say, I...

you've done such an
amazing job with him.

He's a... He's a great kid,

and you deserve all the credit for that.

Oh, thanks, Ted.

That's very nice.

How's the packing going?

You know, I'm trying
to shove our kid's life

into the back of my car... by myself.

Uh-huh.

That's cool.

What's up, Ted?

Uh... So, yeah, regarding tomorrow.

Jonathan's doctor rescheduled
his appointment...

so I won't be able to, uh...

make it over there to help load
the van, unfortunately.

Are you kidding me?

You're not even gonna
come over to say goodbye?

It just... It's out of my hands.

This guy is the autism diet guy.

It's a... a thousand-year
wait just for a consult.

Does Brendan know?

I'll text him later.

Are y...

- Are you sure you're not mad?
- Bye, Ted.

Fuckin' fuck!

- Get in here.
- Thank you.

God.

I am so used to being rejected by him,

but it's like, come on, tonight?

This... It's our last night.

Kids are so cruel.

On Greta's last night she
slept at a friend's house.

And I just went in my closet

and I saw that she took
my favorite jacket.

- The one with the...
- Yes!

- What a little...
- Bitch!

Yes!

- Do you have any snacks?
- No.

After we dropped her,
I just got rid of everything good.

Oh, that's smart.

I'm gonna do that.

You know what?

I have to say,

I'm looking forward to this.

Like, we're free from our kids.

We finally get to do what we wanna do.

I can't do exactly what I want.

But I did sign up for a class.

Oh, God, are you making pottery?

It's called "The Personal Essay"

- at Eastern Community.
- Oh, boy.

Okay, why are you
reacting like I told you

that I just found a lump?

Because I'm not
understanding why the second

Brendan's out of the house
you wanna do homework.

Thought it sounded exciting to me.

I was... I opened the catalog and I...
I don't know...

It... It grabbed me.

Okay.

I was gonna do this tomorrow,
but I feel like, whatever,

it's happening now. Now is the time.

Very little something.

Jane...

Oh, this is lovely.

Yeah, I know. That was 41 dollars.

- Oh! Very generous price point!
- Well, I love you.

Aw!

Oh. "Breathe."

All right. Okay.

But I think maybe you
should listen to the candle.

Mm. I breathe.

I know, but go home,

take a long bath, turn your brain off,

and just think about
opening up to new things.

- Okay, like... like what?
- Like fun.

Like a handsome contractor.

Mm-hm. Do you know one?

- No.
- Mm-hm. I didn't think so.

Come here.

Come here. Come here.

Look...

I just want you to meet some new people.

You are a skinny MILF goddess.

Oh, God, I hate that expression.

I know, but it's true.

- Lean in.
- Oh, I hate that one more.

We're gonna be okay.

Gonna be okay.

♪ Now I gotta up price on y'all ♪

♪ Snake eyes on dice for y'all ♪

♪ Shoulders on ice for y'all... ♪

Hey.

Guess who?

Wh... I... thought you left for college?

No, n...

Leaving tomorrow. Yeah.

- Well have a great time.
- Wait. Yo, Becca?

What's wrong?

You don't... You don't like
me anymore or something?

Yeah, I love guys who fuck
me for a whole semester

and then pretend I don't exist.

I honestly thought that,

like, if we hooked up over the summer...

that I would miss you too much
when I had to leave for school.

Right?

Oh, well great. Now you don't
have to miss me at all.

Hey, you look...

really pretty. Becca, you look good.

You look great.

Do you really think it's that easy?

You tell me I'm hot
and then I forgive you

for treating me like shit?

I dunno.

Maybe?

- Goodbye, Brendan.
- Oh, shit!

- Hello.
- Fuck off.

Yeah, fuck off. All right.

♪ Bet my pictures on the Gram
they help you masturbate ♪

♪ I've got shooters on my team... ♪

- Brendan?
- Brendan, yo.

- Open your mouth.
- Fat chance!

I'm Aaron fucking Rogers, bitch!
You know it!

- Hold up bro.
- Oh, shit!

- What the fuck?
- Spitzer!

Hold up, hold up. Fuck!

Oh, shit. My bad.

That one was an accident,
actually. Hold on.

Oh, no, I'm being attacked
by a cool guy with... candy.

I got it. Oh, shit.

Couldn't you just bully me online?

It's like... what people do now.

Way more fun in person.

- Mm.
- Right?

You know you're gonna get to college

and everybody's going to see
exactly what you are, right?

That is deep stuff, Julian. Deep.

- Yeah. Yup.
- Don't... Don't...

Don't... Don't... Wait... Wait...
Julian, Julian, Julian, Julian.

I'm... I'm... I'm...

... sorry, okay?

Shit, homie, I...
I don't know what to say. Like...

I feel like, uh, I was a dick to you,

like, all through high school.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Mm. Uh... I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm sorry, okay?

Then why were you like that?

- Ah... Is that your phone?
- Yeah...

Why don't we just end on a good note,

take a picture? Take a selfie, yes?

Here. Let's just take a picture.

- No. Stop.
- Yes. It's fine. Just go.

High school forever!

- Nothing? Okay?
- Can I have my phone?

Yes.

Fucking asshole! Fuck.

You need some rice. You need some rice.

That is savage!

That sucks.

_

_

_

_

All right, you doinks.

See you, bro.

- Be good.
- Peace, bitch!

Don't forget us.

♪ Same squad, same squad, same squad ♪

_

_

_

Brendan?

God damn it.

Brendan.

It...

Oh, sh...

Fine.

Oh, my God!

Oh, sc... Sorry, you scared me.

- Morning, Mrs. Fletcher.
- Oh, please don't call me that.

Shouldn't you be wearing a helmet?

Helmets are gross, Mrs. Fletcher.

You know what else is gross?

A traumatic brain injury.

- Is he home?
- Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

- We're just about to...
- I only need a minute.

Okay. Wh...

I'm gonna go get gas,

and y... you tell him that he
needs to be out here and ready

by the time I get back.

Hey.

Hi.

Good morning.

Good morning.

I, uh... got your picture.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Sorry I was mean last night.

That's okay.

Can I make it up to you?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

I've missed you.

I... Same.

Oh, fuck!

Hey, Brendan.

Now's time to come downstairs.
Party's over.

Brendan, this is unacceptable!

Okay.

Oh, fuck yeah!

Suck that cock, bitch.

Dirty fucking slut.

Bye, Mrs. Fletcher!

Enjoy the empty nest.

Hey, remember we... we used to...

We used to drive this way
every Saturday morning...

on the way to hockey practice.

- Do you remember?
- Mm.

Remember how freezing it was?

It would always still be
dark when we got there.

- Oh, you hated that.
- Oh.

Remember you were so happy when I quit.

Oh, God, I was thrilled.

- So...
- Can I turn some music on?

Uh... Sure.

So...

Anyway, you never complained.

You were such a tough little guy.

Now you're a big guy.

Sorry.

I... I guess what...
What I'm trying to say is,

I... I think...

there are things that you...

might say to a girl
that could scare her.

With... Without you even realizing it.

I mean, look,
I know you're not a virgin, right?

You know? And I know there's
porn and movies and...

you know, all these songs
about hoes and bitches,

and, you know, that's...
You know, that's what it is.

So, I... I guess that...
What I'm trying to say is,

that I think one of the
most important things

for you to always remember...

e... especially now,

y... you know, in this...

day and age... I mean, in life...

really, is that y... is that...

y... you have to be nice to women.

Did you... Do you understand
what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Okay.

- Okay?
- Okay.

♪ Got me chillin', quit your bitchin' ♪

♪ On my dick, go ba-ha-listic ♪

Okay, Mom. We'll show this
fine young man to his room now.

- Okay. Let's do this.
- Not you, Mom.

You need to move your
vehicle to the visitor's lot.

But I need to help him unpack.

First you need to move the vehicle, Mom.

- Yeah.
- People are waiting.

Uh...

I'm a single parent. He's my only child.

This is a really big deal for us.

Mom.

Just... It's... It's cool. It's fine.

Just go move the car.

- Don't worry, Mom.
- Right?

We'll take good care of your baby.

- Yeah.
- All right. I'll be back.

Wait, one second. One second!

Yeah. Okay.

Jerk.

So, it's at 25 pounds right now, right?

Turn the dial. Boom.
Boom! Now it's at 40.

- Whoa.
- Yeah.

Too bad these max out at fifty.

Oh, shit. You trying
to lift more than that?

Uh... Actually, I lift 50
pounds every time I take a piss.

Ah, you should get
that checked out, dude.

I should.

Oh, sorry.

Did I walk into a dorm
room or a gym-nahsium?

Hey, Mrs. Fletcher. I'm Zack.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Oh, hi, nice to meet you, Zack.

Hi. You can call me Eve,

- if you want to.
- All right. Eve.

Okay, well just...
Let's get you unpacked.

I sent like four,

'cause I wanted her to get the message.

Pretty cozy, huh?

Uh... Yeah. Looks good in here. Love it.

Brendan. Brendan?

Oh.

I brought it.

Ah, you didn't have to.

Oh.

Well...

Here it is, so...

Oh, one last thing I, uh...

Uh... The woman at
the store said that you...

barely have to water it.

- Oh.
- Cool.

Uh... Is there anything
else I can do for you guys?

- Uh...
- No, I think that's good.

Yeah.

Can't take you guys out
to lunch or... anything?

Uh... Yeah. Were you...

I'm... I'll walk you to the elevator.

Okay.

It's a nice plant, Mrs. Fletcher.

Oh, thanks. Thanks, Zack.

- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah, you too.

- Aw!
- Okay.

Okay.

I love you so much.

Ah, uh... I love you too.

- Okay.
- Okay.

All right.

- Okay.
- Bye.

So, promise to text me once a day.

Okay.

You okay, Mom?

I'm not your mom, you smug fucker!

Here you go.

- Have a good night.
- Thank you.

_

Oh, my God, yes!

Yes. Yes!

You ready?

- I'm fucking ready.
- You ready?

- Yeah.
- I think I'm this way.

All right.

- I'll see you, dude.
- Peace.

Uh... Is this Personal Essay?

My phone's all messed up;
I can't see the number.

Oh, yeah. I guess this means
we're classmates. I'm Eve.

- I'm Julian.
- Hi.

Hey.