Mr Inbetween (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Don't Be a Dickhead - full transcript

Ray solves problems but under no circumstances does he answer questions.

(Handbrake clicks)

[birds chirping]

[dog barks in distance]

How you going?

Hello.

Uh, my daughter Brittany
goes to school with...

your daughter Taylor.

[stammers]
Yeah. Yeah.

And, um,

apparently, uh,
Taylor's been...

bullying my daughter,



saying stuff to her,
putting stuff up on the Internet

- and... that kind of stuff.
- My daughter wouldn't do that, so...

Okay.

Well, can you talk to her
and find out?

'Cause I don't think
my daughter's gonna lie about it.

How did you get my address?

Look, love,
I'm not here to cause problems.

- I'm just here...
- Don't call me "love," mate.

Okay. All right.

What?

Do you think
you scare me or something,

- coming around here?
- I'm not trying to scare you.

I'm gonna go inside now.

- Okay.
- And I'm gonna call my brother.



Oh?

- He's a cop.
- Mm.

Scary.

You gonna go now, or...

Don't be a dickhead.

[chuckles]

*Mr. INBETWEEN*
Season 02 Episode 02

*Mr. INBETWEEN*
Episode Title: "Don’t Be a Dickhead"

MAN: There's not much
I can do for me.

[musical score plays on laptop]

You lose independence.

Nancy loses hers.

I think she's hanging it
tough.

[birds chirping outside]

[lid clacks]

[grunting softly]

[exhales]

[urinating]

[urinating stops]

[grunts]

[panting]

[grunting]

Fuck!

[grunting]

[strains]

♪ Maria ♪

♪ Gratia plena ♪

♪ Maria ♪

♪ Gratia ♪

♪ Plena. ♪

Give me five minutes.

[♪♪]

[muttering]

You want coffee?

You got any decaf?

Decaf?

Serious?

I can't drink caffeine anymore.

Why not?

Makes me sweat
too much.

So, you got any?

No, we only got
real coffee, mate.

You counting it?

- [scoffs]
- [chuckles]

Could've miscounted.

Yeah. Yeah, I could've.

So, what's with the no socks?

It's called fashion, mate.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's not something
you'd know too much about.

[chuckles softly]

Right.

So, this guy wants to talk
to you about a piece of work.

- Mm.
- It's all very hush-hush.

- Eh.
- Do you want to meet with him?

- Who is he?
- I don't know.

One of his guys came in lastnight
and spoke to me about it.

Says it's a big job.

Lot of money.

And he just wants
to meet with me?

Yeah.

Set it up.

All right.

[♪♪]

[engine stops]

- How you going?
- Alex.

- Ray. Good to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Ray.

- This is Kev.
- Kev, how are you, mate? -How are you?

You come well-recommended.

What can I do for you?

Heard of a guy called
Vinny Williams?

Yeah.

Prez of the, uh, Dead Birds.

Yeah.
You know him?

Yeah, I met him once or twice.

Through a mate of mine.

Huh.

Still interested?

It's gonna cost you.

Name your price.

Why do you want him whacked?

Does it matter?

Yeah.

I'm his VP.

Personality clash, huh?

Yeah, yeah.
Something like that.

How much?

250.

Done.

- 100 up front.
- Sure.

[zips]

You cancel the job,
I keep the cash, okay?

'Course.

Thank you.
See you when the job's done.

- Catch you later.
- Yeah. Good to meet you, man.

- Cheers.
- ALEX: Let's go.

[knocking]

[key rattling in lock]

Brucey?

Bruce!

BRUCE:
In the dunny.

RAY:
Shit, mate. What happened?

I just thought
I'd have a lie-down.

How long you been in here for?

Not long.

RAY:
All right.

Now give me your hand.
Ah, fuck.

Can you get
that hand out of there?

- [Grunts]
- Can you get that hand out?

- Right.
- Okay.

Chuck that up there, mate.
Can you get a hand on that?

- [grunts]
- Huh?

Okay, so what I'm gonna do,
I'm just gonna pull you up.

- [grunts]
- Watch your head.

[strains]

Aw, shit.

[groans]

All right.

All right, let me get
under your arms.

All right.

- All right, count of three.
- [grunts]

All right.
One... two...

- three!
- [groans]

- You all right?
- I'm all right.

- All right.
- I'm all right.

[Ray exhales]

[mutters]
We'll have to get you a carer.

I'm not having a fucking carer.

Fair enough.

Well, you can't live here, mate.

You could have died.

So?

What, you given up,
have you?

I've had enough.
[exhales]

Why don't you come live with me?

I want to live here.

I know you want
to live here, mate,

but you can't live here
anymore.

- I'll put you in the garage.
- [groans]

I'll put a bed in there,

bloody TV,
whatever you need, mate.

Britt'll be there.

All right, she'd love it
if you're there all the time.

[grunts]

What do you reckon?

I'll think about it.

Okay, that's good,
that's good enough.

All right.

- You want a cuppa?
- Meh.

Yeah.

- There's no milk.
- [refrigerator door opens]

Oh, for fuck's sake.

GARY: Th-That's the official
story, but, you know.

RAY:
Yeah, but I think...

I think there was a guy behind

the fence on the knoll
No, but

that doesn't make any sense.

See, I don't think
there was anyone

on the grassy knoll
behind the fence.

I think the shooter
was in the pergola.

RAY:
Where's the pergola?

Well, the pergola's
on the grassy knoll,

but it's-it's up near...

more up north towards

the depository...
It's the big white building,

- the-the concrete one.
- Mm.

Yeah. And, uh...
And this ch...

and there's a photo...
There's two blokes,

that are hiding in the
pergola, and I reckon

that's where
the head shots come from.

And when the limo
comes around the corner,

- where does it stop?
- Mm?

Where does it stop, eh?

In front of the pergola.

Well, the limo didn't stop.

How do you know it doesn't stop?

Well, you look at the film,
it doesn't.

It slows down
but it doesn't stop.

- On the Zapruder film?
- Yeah.

Oh. [stammers]

Well, that's bullshit because
the film's doctored, so...

- The Zapruder film is doctored?
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.

- Who doctored the Zapruder film?
- Everyone knows

the Zapruder film's doctored...
It went missing

- for years. And-And then it came back.
- I didn't...

It resurfaced, like, eight
to 12 years later.

- Now we're telling more fantasies.
- The frames are missing.

Yeah. That's right.
Well, framesare missing, and... Yeah.

It just-it just
doesn't make any sense.

- It's fucking bullshit.
- Mm.

So, yeah.

You okay, babe?

- [whispers]: I want to go home.
- Huh?

Hey, what made you...
why did you shave it off?

Your beard.
Why'd you shave it off?

Well, because, uh,
Tat gets pash rash, so...

- got to keep her happy.
- Oh.

- Very nice of you.
- GARY: Yeah. You like it?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- You like it?

I do. Uh, it's...
Yeah, no, I do.

- Actually, I do.
- Yeah?

- It's good.
- Yeah, all right.

Okay. There you go.

Yeah, you look like
an '80s porn star.

- Really?
- Speaks Russian...

What?

Babe? You all right?

Have you told Ally
about you-know-what?

What?

Your pee-pee movies.

(Mutters)

I.m gonna kill you.

- Pee-pee movies?
- [short chuckle]

- Oh... yeah.
- [laughing]: What the fuck's going on?

- Babe, time and a place.
- RAY: Nothing.

- Nothing? Bullshit. Nothing.
- Nothing's going on.

- Come on, what? Spill.
- Nothing's going on.

Come on, Ray.

Well, you tell her.

- [chuckles]
- TATIANA: Last year,

Ray left a DVD at our house.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

TATIANA:
Yes. And I found it.

- Oh... Okay, what was the DVD?
- [thump]

- Ow! Gary.
- What?

Golden Shower Power.

Oh, right, okay.

So we are...
we're talking pornos?

- Yes.
- Yeah, okay.

Golden showers?

- Mm.
- It's when people... piss on each other?

- Yes.
- Apparently. Yeah. -Okay.

ALLY:
[chuckles] Wow. Wow, okay.

This is like a whole side of you

that I have never seen before.
[chuckles]

- There's a lot you don't know.
- I know, clearly.

Um...

so are you-are you
the-the pisser

or the pissee?

Oh, either's fine.

ALLY: So you like the taste of
piss, or...

RAY:
Oh, I don't mind it.

- Mm. Okay.
- Mm.

I need to go to toilet now,
so do you want me to wait?

I was gonna go,
but do you want me to wait

'til we get home, or...

Yeah. Yeah, it'd be good
if you wait.

- All right.
- Yeah.

You guys have got it
sorted out.

- RAY: Mm.
- ALLY: [laughing]: Mm. - Right.

Right, you want another drink?

I want to go home.

- You want another drink?
- Yes, please.

You want another drink?
Yeah? Get another one.

Where's the, uh...

It was his DVD, all right?

She found it,

and he tells her...
'cause he's, you know,

I don't know,
he panicked or whatever...

He tells her, "It's Ray's."

And then he comes to me
and says,

"Man, I need you to come
'round to my house

and apologize."

Right? Which I did.

And say...

you know,
it's my DVD.

[chuckles]
Why would you leave a porno

- at somebody else's house?
- That's what I said to him.

Why the fuck would I...

Like, not only why would
I leave it at your house,

but why the fuck would
I bring a porno into your...

- Like, who comes into somebody's house
- [laughing]

And you bring a porno with you?
You know that I mean?

And then you leave it,
and, y-you know what I mean?

- And you go.
- I know. I don't...

- It doesn't make any fucking sense.
- No.

BRITTANY:
Dad,

why don't you like
sandwiches?

Uh...

I like toasted sandwiches.

Just don't like the raw ones,
that's all.

Why?

Uh... I don't know.
[mutters]

Why do you like them?

- Because they're yummy.
- Mm.

[knocking on door]

Who's that?

Don't know.

- Who is it?
- Go to your room.

- Why?
- Go to your room, please.

MALE OFFICER:
Afternoon, sir.

Are you Ray Shoesmith?

I don't answer questions.
Can I help you?

We're looking for
a Ray Shoesmith.

Does he live here?

I don't answer questions.

Okay. Is there somebody here
who can answer questions?

I don't answer questions.

Okay. I don't really know
how to respond to that, sir.

We just spoke to a woman
by the name of Petra Jenkins.

She says you threatened her
and tried to menace her.

- Did she?
- Yeah.

You got anything
you want to sayabout that?

I don't answer questions.

Would you mind telling us why?

I don't answer questions.

Okay.

See ya.

We'll come back later.

Okay.

FEMALE OFFICER:
Friendly chap.

MALE OFFICER:
That's just weird.

[engine starts]

- What?
- Nothing.

ALLY:
If something happened to me...

like, if I was in...

- I don't know...
- Like an accident or something,

and I was in a wheelchair...

would you look after me?

Yeah.

What if I was,
like, a quadriplegic?

Is that the ones
that can use their arms,

but they can't use their legs?

No, that's a paraplegic.

Quadriplegics can't use
their arms or their legs.

So, what, you'd just
be lying in bed all day?

Pretty much.

I'd probably put a pillow
over your head

and put you out of your misery.

Serious?

Well, why would you want
to live like that?

What if I wanted to live?

Hmm.

So how would we have sex?

Well, quadriplegics can't
feel anything down there.

Yeah, but we could still
have sex, though, right?

So you'd still want
to have sex with me

even if I couldn't
feel anything?

Why wouldn't I want
to have sex with you?

Sure.

- Knock yourself out.
- [chuckles]

Just don't complain
I'm a dead root.

But you're a dead root
anyway and I don't complain.

- Thanks very much.
- [chuckles]

What are you doing?

You'll see.

[Ray sighs]

Aw, is that for me?

No, it's for the dude
on the park bench over there.

There is no dude
over there on the park bench.

Yes, there is.

It's my imaginary boyfriend.

He said he'd look after me
if I was a quadriplegic.

Yeah, well,
I said I'd look after you.

Oh, good.

Just wanted to make sure we
weregonna have sex, that's all.

[laughs]

♪ The guest list,
the cover charge ♪

[gloves thumping]

♪ Or what a rearview tell you
what you're getting into ♪

♪ But only one can decide
what's best for you: you ♪

♪ Me, I'm just trying
to get the message through ♪

♪ It goes like, save the
drama, spend your youth. ♪

- [school bell rings]
- [indistinct chatter]

[toilet flushes]

Hey.
You Taylor?

Yeah.

I've heard that you've been
bullying my friend Brittany.

What?

You bother Brittany again,

and I'm gonna rip your head off.

Got it?

- Yes.
- It's all right? All right.

Do you need me to stretch
my lips or...? [mumbles]

- No, it's okay.
- Okay? [mumbles]

Do you need me
to stop talking?

- Yes.
- Yeah, okay.

Okay.

They're very glittery.

Am I holding still enough
for you?

- Yes.
- Yeah? All right.

- Okay. You want to see?
- Yes.

Okay.

[gasps]
Oh.

[laughing]:
Oh, that's beautiful.

Wow, I really like whatyou've done here.
This is good.

- Thanks.
- This is good, yeah.

Wow. Thank you.

They'll love this at work.

Yeah, she's all right now.

She was pretty upset, but...

I don't think she's gonna
have any more problems.

Were you bullied at school?

Mm-hmm.

Bad?

Pretty bad.

Were you beaten up?

Mm-hmm.

Well, what was this...
All through school?

Um... probably up until about...

halfway through grade six.

- Well, it stopped?
- Mm-hmm.

Why did it stop?

Fought back.

What happened?

Oh, there was this little prick,

and he'd been bullying me
for about two years.

And, um...

...this one day, you know,
we were playing downball,

and he just started
getting stuck into me, and,

you know, and I started crying,

and... and he just
kept following me,

just kept saying shit to me,

- just wouldn't leave it alone, you know?
- Mm.

And I just grabbed him and
threwhim up against a wall, and...

...just beat the absolute fuck
out of him.

And he stopped?

He sure did.

It's always better
to give than receive.

Is it?

Fuck yeah.

Why do you say that?

Well, you got
to fight back, you know?

Otherwise...

Otherwise what?

Otherwise, people will
walk all over you.

You know?

I mean, that's the thing.

Look, I wasn't
looking for trouble as a kid.

You know?

But I learned there's people
in this world who will

take and take till
there's nothing left of you.

I used to get angry about it.

Well, I...
I used to get angry at myself,

'cause I couldn't
do nothing about it.

- You know what I mean?
- Mm.

Like, I felt...

I felt like I was weak.

You know what I mean?

Um...

I can remember...

I took a razor blade

out of the, um,
the bathroom cupboard.

I went down to the swings
at the end of the street.

And I'm sitting there
and I'm thinking, you know,

"I'm gonna top meself."
You know?

"I've had enough."

'Cause I was
getting hit at home,

I was getting hit
at school, you know?

And, um...

But I couldn't do it, you know?

And then, I felt like,
"Geez, you weak bastard,

you can't, you know,
you can't even kill yourself."

You know what I mean?

And I thought,

"Is it 'cause
I don't want to die

or is it 'causel'm just
afraid to cut myself?"

So I took the razor blade
and I cut me hand up.

Anyway.

♪ I was sitting ♪

♪ In my Corolla ♪

♪ Talking to you ♪

♪ While my friends ♪

♪ Drank inside ♪

♪ There was a silence ♪

♪ Weak telephone reception ♪

♪ Doesn't compliment ♪

♪ A dark ♪

♪ State of mind ♪

♪ You know it's bad. ♪

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

Synchronized by srjanapala