Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 3, Episode 1 - Episode #3.1 - full transcript
Maestro!
Grazie.
Maestro,
welcome to Venice.
I'm Beppi Bertelli.
How tremendous
to see you here.
- Yes.
- Mind your step,
slippery.
- Ah, that's okay.
- How was your flight?
Are you jet lagged?
No jet lag.
Ah, the mark of
a good conscience.
You know, Alessandra
will be so exited to see you.
We are all so delighted.
Wait.
You see?
I roll out
the red carpet for you.
Okay.
Prego.
Let me step out.
Only you, maestro,
you are the only conductor
she would sing with.
"Please, Beppi,
bring me Rodrigo.
"Only then will I do
the concert."
I understand,
I understand.
I'm flattered.
Never flatter.
Not with a genius
such as yourself.
No, I-- Now,
may I present to you
- a couple of tiny
items of advice?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Most of the gondoliers
are thieves and rogues.
If you must take
a ride on a gondola,
I beg you,
negotiate the price first.
That's why I brought
my bicicletta.
- Bravo.
- Eh?
Second,
if you are ordering
a pasta dish
with seafood or lovely
shrimps or clams
or cuttle fish,
which I adore,
do not,
I repeat, do not ask for
parmigiano cheese
to put on the pasta.
This is not done.
- It will insult the chef.
- I don't want to insult
the chef.
Uh, this way, eh?
Mm, this way.
And one last
little thing.
Whatever you do,
please...
do not make love
with her.
No fornicate.
No fornicate.
Grazie.
- Okay.
- What a great pleasure.
What a tremendous honor.
Mm-hm, yes.
This concert
will be legendary.
Legendary.
And then we talk, uh?
- After...
- Maybe.
Fornicate.
No fornicate.
Buongiorno.
Buongiorno.
Maestro.
How delightful
you're here.
Oh, yes,
this is so delightful.
It is mythological for me.
This is such an honor,
such a pleasure
to meet you.
I recognize
the recording.
"Les Filles de Cadix."
Vous chanté a
La Palais Garnier,
2002. Right?
Very good.
Yes.
I wanted to ask you,
did you have a slight cold
that evening?
I had a terrible cold.
I finished the performance
and collapsed.
Yes, because your voice
had a beautiful...
una bellissima tessitura.
You speak Italian?
We speak in English.
More simple.
- Have you eaten?
- No.
I was making us
a little lunch.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Come.
- Si.
Would you mind
tying this for me?
Oh, yes, yes.
Grazie.
Ai.
Oh, I like your kitchen
a lot. A lot.
It's the place in the house
where I feel most comfortable.
Mm.
Everywhere else,
I'm a peasant in
a palazzo.
You know, right now
I'm in the mood for
no home. You know?
Vagabond style.
But you should
try owning
a 600 year old house
in Venice.
Everything is sinking.
The first floor is
flooded half the time,
the mold makes you sneeze,
but this is my hometown,
and I love it.
And that is important,
no?
- Home.
- Oh, yes.
Yes, it is
very important.
Yes.
A little pasta nera
with cuttle fish.
Hope you like it.
Mm, it smells so good.
Would you care for
some parmigiano?
Mm, no, niente, no.
Never with fish. Thank you.
Grazie.
- Maestro.
- Mm?
I'm sure you have
a question for me.
After four years,
can I still sing?
Well, I'm sure you can
still sing, of course.
If not, you would never
attempt to do this concert.
Well, people do
foolish things.
Perhaps I can still
sing in my shower. No?
But everyone believes
they are a great singer
in the shower.
I was sorry to hear
about your orchestra.
- Mm.
- I admire what you're
trying to do to bring--
How you like to say?
The blood to that
sad old symphony.
It's very sad.
But it was getting
less sadder
because we were
getting better,
but we got strangled
by the red tape.
- You know?
- Yes.
The fucking red tape.
Money, money,
always money.
I know.
Beppi wants me to come back,
to go on tour,
to do this concert,
to be La Fiamma again,
because of the money.
How is the pasta?
It is so good.
Not overcooked?
It is excellent.
Just right.
My dear maestro,
I'm very sorry that
you have come all this way
for nothing.
For nothing?
I'm afraid that
it is impossible
that this concert
should proceed.
- No, but--
- I have enjoyed
meeting you.
You are clearly
very brilliant.
And you'll have many
triumphs in your future.
Now I must
do the dishes,
and then take
little nap.
And please tell Beppi
finita la comedia.
Alessandra.
The pasta was
overcooked.
By at least
three minutes.
Four and a half.
Well, I'm not here to
conduct your cooking.
And if my singing
is overcooked.
I will never allow that.
Never.
You want to talk about
the blood,
well, my heart,
it has been bleeding
for a while.
And I think your voice
is the only thing that
can save it.
I fell in love
with your voice
the first time
I heard it.
I was 13 years old.
Maestro Rivera brought it.
And it was you
in "Tosca."
I heard it over
and over again.
I would imagine
these things.
I would do things that--
I'm not gonna tell you
what I did, but--
but the moment that I heard
that you stopped singing,
I wept.
You can come up
with many reasons
why not to do something.
But the real reason why
to do something important,
there's only one reason.
And what is the reason?
You know.
But, dear maestro,
I'm sorry but
if you can't stand tears,
you should stay away
from the opera.
Goodbye.
Andrew is running late,
he said we should do
sound check without him.
What a shocker.
He's probably taking
a few hours extra sleep
at the Ritz.
No, he's gotta sleep off
the Dom Perignon.
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
all right.
Let's pick up the tempo
on this one.
We want to get to
my solo quicker.
Remember, it's the
Andrew Walsh Ensemble,
not the Andrew Walsh
Ensemble ensemble.
Okay, let's read
the score.
Uh, bullshit,
bullshit, bullshit,
my solo.
Okay, and then
bullshit, bullshit,
ah, yeah, my solo.
Maybe we just call it the
Hailey Rutlege Ensemble.
Sorry.
No. No, Hailey,
don't stop on my account.
I was enjoying it.
It's hilarious.
- I was just, uh--
- No, you were just
trying to make me look
like an asshole.
It's not that hard.
Anyway, the traffic
was better than I thought,
so I'm here.
Hailey, is it true I do that,
uh, Stevie Wonder thing?
With my head and-- No?
Don't answer.
All right, we have
a lot of work to do.
We leave Austria tomorrow,
and then arrive in Venice
for the festival.
And we need to be ready
to play with shock and awe.
And awe stand for,
ladies?
Andrew Walsh Ensemble.
Exactly.
So, Hailey, is there
a particular piece
that you feel that
I'm rushing the tempo on?
Uh...
Hey, I'm all ears.
Whaddaya got?
Maybe the Vivaldi piece?
See, that's a question.
Can you be definitive?
You are fucking up
the Vivaldi.
No, because I don't think
that you are
fucking up
the Vivaldi piece,
- I just--
- I'm just yanking
your woodwind, Hailey.
Easy. Easy.
- It's just--
- Uh, yes?
I just think that
we're taking
a similar approach
tempo wise
um, to the Fauré.
And that's not how
Maestro DeSousa
would do it?
Probably not.
Uh, yeah.
Well, maybe I just have a
greater sense of urgency
than old Rodrigo does.
Uh, in fact,
let's start with
the Fauré, shall we?
Follow me, ladies.
And gentleman?
Debatable.
Que lindo.
Some people shouldn't be
allowed to sing.
I couldn't agree more.
And some people should not
be allowed to conduct.
I hope you're not
referring to me, Wolfgang.
Well, I'm not
referring to myself.
Is that the way
you're gonna be?
Why? Why? Why?
Why after so many years,
you're still like
a spoiled brat?
Why?
Why do you always have to
smell your own farts?
- Deserter.
- De-- I'm not
a deserter.
Don't call me
a deserter.
I'm-- I'm loyal.
I am soldado de la musica.
Soldado de la musica.
Muy soldado.
So sensitive.
Of course,
I had a soft spot
for singers, too.
And if I can tell you
one thing,
they're all crazy.
And you know,
I-- I've never--
I've never been with a,
you know, close to a--
to a singer.
I don't know why.
Maybe you never will.
You're off to
a pretty bad start.
- Mm.
- Soon, no one,
no one will want to
play with you.
I think this young lady
might have
something for you.
La Fenice,
midnight.
Maestro, my hero.
She's here.
She appears to be happy.
She's ready to rehearse.
We will have
a great concert,
an historic event.
Yes, Beppi, we will,
we will.
But there's
a lot of work to do.
- Of course.
- A lot.
- Of course.
- A lot of work to do.
- Yes.
- Is this the
conservatory?
Yes,
the music school.
Everyone,
this is my maestro,
and I trust him
in every single way.
Okay, well,
here is the program
we will be presenting.
Okay. Yes.
I saw it this morning.
And, um--
It's like the
greatest hits, no?
These are many of
the great arias
which La Fiamma
has been know for
over her
illustrious career.
Yes.
What? You do not
approve of these choices?
It's just that
I think that we can
present a new
Alessandra
that doesn't compete
with the old Alessandra,
you know?
You think I can no longer
sing these roles?
No, yes,
I'm sure you can.
But perhaps not as good
as you once did.
- Hey.
- But there are many,
many good roles,
amazing roles,
that before
you couldn't
be able to sing.
And now you can.
What happened to the man
that was too gentle
to tell my my pasta
was overcooked?
These new arias.
What are you thinking?
"Samson and Delilah,"
for example.
It's a mezzo soprano role.
No!
Or a new piece by
a contemporary composer.
Contemporary composer?
Perhaps if there was
any composer alive
as great as Puccini.
Oh, but how can they
be great
if none of the
greatest performers
perform their work?
But what you don't
understand, Maestro,
is that the Italian
opera audience
is very, very big here.
My maestro has spoken.
How dare you question him.
I only want the best
for you, my dear.
You want to destroy
my confidence.
You care nothing
about me.
For you it is just
money, money, money.
Alessandra--
Bene. Maestro, thank you
so much for educating me.
I'm your humble servant.
Please commence
to create the magic.
Hmph.
Good.
I thought it was, like,
an older looking city.
Yes.
All right,
give me innocence
with your mouth.
Oh, my mouth.
Great.
Now give me slutty.
- Yes.
- Yeah, right?
Work that angle.
Okay, I want to
cross off every site on
my Venice to do list,
so we should
probably go.
Well,
Piazza San Marco is done.
- Okay.
- Where should we go next?
- Uh, Ponte Rialto.
- Great.
- Ponte Rialto.
- How long is this list?
It is very long-ay,
long-ay.
There's no distinction,
I feel,
like,
between the pieces.
He's just doing Sibelius
the same as he's doing Mozart,
the same as he's doing
the Ravel,
and I resent him
for that.
And do you notice that
every time you have sex
with him,
it's exactly the same?
I only had sex
with him once.
You've only had sex
with him once?
- Yes!
- Oh, okay.
Well, I can tell you
from experience,
it is always
exactly the same.
- Well--
- Every single stage.
Did he paint f-holes
on your back?
- Yes, he did.
- Oh, fuck!
How do you know that?
He did that for you?
- He had to shave
my back first--
- Humiliating.
- 'Cause it's hairy, though.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
- Did he do it himself?
- Yeah, he did.
Like, lathered it up--
- Okay, I like him, like,
- four more points
because of that.
- Applied it on.
- What a sicko.
- And razored it off
slowly.
- The Rialto Bridge.
- Done.
- Done.
- Kind of a bust.
- Kind of.
- On to the next.
Oh, check him out.
That mime is hot.
Hello.
My friend over there
thinks that you are hot,
so I think that
you should come to
our concert tonight.
- So--
- I think you're hot.
Oh, my God,
you speak. Wow.
I'm from Belgium,
I'm here for the festival.
Oh. Cool.
Would you maybe want
to come for a coffee
back to my hotel?
Is it like a real...
hotel, or...?
It is a real hotel.
Okay.
As long as he didn't mime
putting on a condom.
Stop. Move.
Quicker.
Hey. The shellfish platter
on this one
is like 10 Euro cheaper.
Oh, great.
Cheap shellfish.
Always the way to go.
Ooh. Beginning to feel
a bit nauseous.
I hope those clams
were okay.
They were
a little sticky.
You're probably just
feeling nauseous
from being
such a tourist.
I like music festivals.
Because seldom
you get to see good things.
But then you get to see
terrible things on and on,
you know,
horrible things.
Really bad th--
Unbearable things.
Look at that.
The Andrew Walsh Ensemble
is playing tonight.
What the fuck?
I have a friend who
plays in that show.
Perhaps we go?
Okay.
I wish our performance
was not at La Fenice.
When the audience
is there--
the critics--
it feels like a cage to me.
Well, let's get
out of the cage.
Let's do something
about this--
Alessandra.
Hey, hey, is this guy
bothering you?
Maestro.
I will be seeing you.
And you will be
hearing me.
You don't know shit
about opera.
And you don't know shit
about the universe.
You know, dark matter.
We don't know about it.
We do not know.
We still have
a lot of things
to discover.
Who's that guy?
He's the head of
a very awful claque.
They want money,
or they'll boo you
during the performance.
If they boo you
during the performance,
I'll go down in the audience
and I'll kick him in the balls,
you know, and I'll
make him a castrati.
I have so many
new pieces to learn.
And my voice,
I'm not prepared.
- No.
- I can't give them
what they want.
Wait, no, no, no.
Of course you can
give them what they--
Don't think about
what they want.
Don't do it for them.
Do it for you.
Do it for the blood.
Or do it for me.
She should sing
instead of me.
Okay.
Why don't you--
Why don't you
join her?
- I can't.
- No, you can.
You can.
I'm your maestro,
right?
Now, woman.
It's La Fiamma.
Oh, my God.
Ti amo.
Ti amo anche io.
Grazie.
Alessandra, yes.
Bien, bien.
Grazie. Grazie.
Yes.
I wanted to share this place,
because it is
very dear to me.
Che bello.
- Bello, no?
- Si.
It used to be
a nunnery.
And I lived up there
in that room for two years.
You were a nun?
My ex wife is a nun.
It is no longer
for nuns.
It was for people who
could not stand to live
anywhere else.
And I went there after
my failure on stage.
You understand?
Yes, I understand.
Singing for me
was everything.
And then I found
I could not sing.
When I lived there,
I could not feed myself.
I needed help to bathe,
to put on clothes,
to go to the bathroom,
even.
No one know this.
No one except Beppi.
He stuck with me.
Now you.
Tell me
something about you
that no one knows.
But I'm nothing.
I'm just some musical notes
that people play with.
And actually,
I've been thinking
a lot about my mentor,
Maestro Rivera.
He's very old
and he's very ill.
And he invited me
to go back to Mexico
to take over
the orchestra.
The one where I started.
And I said no.
And I went back to
New York
to be with an orchestra
that doesn't play.
Rodrigo,
stay con me.
You must move into
my palazzo,
so we may practice
night and day.
Live and breathe
the music.
Oh, la mami.
Yes.
Sorry.
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
- Nice of you to join us.
- I got on the-- Sorry.
I got on the wrong vaporetto.
And then--
Well, you missed
the sound check.
I know. I really don't
feel well right now, either.
Well, neither do I,
because the fucking oboist,
who I added to
the program
because I believed in
her talent,
turned out to be
a complete flake.
- Ah, shock and awe.
- Shock and awe.
Now, go, go.
- Hey. Nice job, rookie.
- Thanks.
- Clams?
- Yeah.
Which one is your friend?
She's the one
that plays the oboe.
She's your lover.
Hailai? No, no,
she-- she's my protegé.
Very innocent.
Do you like innocence?
It appeals to
your depravity.
It is not depravity.
She plays the oboe.
Hey. I am so,
so sorry.
I can play
the second half
of the concert,
though, I think.
I think you can't play
the second half.
I think you're done
on this tour.
I will definitely miss
the conducting lessons, though.
Look, I'm really sorry,
I just didn't want to
barf on stage.
So you ran off
during my solo.
Oh, my God, your solo,
your solo, your solo.
It's always about
your solo.
- Yes, and why do you
think that is?
- Uh--
Because it's the
Andrew Walsh Ensemble.
The Andrew Walsh Ensemble,
that's what people pay for.
Yes.
And we want our money back.
Rodrigo?
I came to see
his protegé.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God,
it's-- it's--
Yes. La Fiamma.
What an honor.
Did you catch any of
the first half?
Yes.
I saw you
sawing on the cello
like you were
cutting down a tree.
Yes, I'm a very
expressive player.
- Always have been.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I think I'm gonna be
sick again, I need to--
You're still fired.
- No, she quits.
- No, no, no, no.
- Watch. She quits.
- I-- I really--
- You quit, Hailai.
She quits.
- I need this job.
- I really need this job.
- She quits.
- She-- You quit!
- You want to
mix it up, Maestro?
- You want to mix it up?
- Yeah, whenever.
- Yeah?
- Yo-Yo Ma wanna be.
- Yo-Yo Ma?
- Yeah.
- Yo mama, Yo-Yo Ma.
- You know what?
- What'd you say?
- I want to--
Sometimes I have trouble
with your accent.
Shh.
Oh.
Ciao. Ciao.
Now what the fuck
am I gonna do?
Hailey.
Come with us.
Yes, Hailai.
We'll take care of you.
In my palazzo,
there are many rooms.
Okay.
Just don't throw up
in the taxi, okay?
'Kay.
But if you throw up,
you tell me. Okay?
It's okay, it's okay.
Grazie.
Maestro,
welcome to Venice.
I'm Beppi Bertelli.
How tremendous
to see you here.
- Yes.
- Mind your step,
slippery.
- Ah, that's okay.
- How was your flight?
Are you jet lagged?
No jet lag.
Ah, the mark of
a good conscience.
You know, Alessandra
will be so exited to see you.
We are all so delighted.
Wait.
You see?
I roll out
the red carpet for you.
Okay.
Prego.
Let me step out.
Only you, maestro,
you are the only conductor
she would sing with.
"Please, Beppi,
bring me Rodrigo.
"Only then will I do
the concert."
I understand,
I understand.
I'm flattered.
Never flatter.
Not with a genius
such as yourself.
No, I-- Now,
may I present to you
- a couple of tiny
items of advice?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Most of the gondoliers
are thieves and rogues.
If you must take
a ride on a gondola,
I beg you,
negotiate the price first.
That's why I brought
my bicicletta.
- Bravo.
- Eh?
Second,
if you are ordering
a pasta dish
with seafood or lovely
shrimps or clams
or cuttle fish,
which I adore,
do not,
I repeat, do not ask for
parmigiano cheese
to put on the pasta.
This is not done.
- It will insult the chef.
- I don't want to insult
the chef.
Uh, this way, eh?
Mm, this way.
And one last
little thing.
Whatever you do,
please...
do not make love
with her.
No fornicate.
No fornicate.
Grazie.
- Okay.
- What a great pleasure.
What a tremendous honor.
Mm-hm, yes.
This concert
will be legendary.
Legendary.
And then we talk, uh?
- After...
- Maybe.
Fornicate.
No fornicate.
Buongiorno.
Buongiorno.
Maestro.
How delightful
you're here.
Oh, yes,
this is so delightful.
It is mythological for me.
This is such an honor,
such a pleasure
to meet you.
I recognize
the recording.
"Les Filles de Cadix."
Vous chanté a
La Palais Garnier,
2002. Right?
Very good.
Yes.
I wanted to ask you,
did you have a slight cold
that evening?
I had a terrible cold.
I finished the performance
and collapsed.
Yes, because your voice
had a beautiful...
una bellissima tessitura.
You speak Italian?
We speak in English.
More simple.
- Have you eaten?
- No.
I was making us
a little lunch.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Come.
- Si.
Would you mind
tying this for me?
Oh, yes, yes.
Grazie.
Ai.
Oh, I like your kitchen
a lot. A lot.
It's the place in the house
where I feel most comfortable.
Mm.
Everywhere else,
I'm a peasant in
a palazzo.
You know, right now
I'm in the mood for
no home. You know?
Vagabond style.
But you should
try owning
a 600 year old house
in Venice.
Everything is sinking.
The first floor is
flooded half the time,
the mold makes you sneeze,
but this is my hometown,
and I love it.
And that is important,
no?
- Home.
- Oh, yes.
Yes, it is
very important.
Yes.
A little pasta nera
with cuttle fish.
Hope you like it.
Mm, it smells so good.
Would you care for
some parmigiano?
Mm, no, niente, no.
Never with fish. Thank you.
Grazie.
- Maestro.
- Mm?
I'm sure you have
a question for me.
After four years,
can I still sing?
Well, I'm sure you can
still sing, of course.
If not, you would never
attempt to do this concert.
Well, people do
foolish things.
Perhaps I can still
sing in my shower. No?
But everyone believes
they are a great singer
in the shower.
I was sorry to hear
about your orchestra.
- Mm.
- I admire what you're
trying to do to bring--
How you like to say?
The blood to that
sad old symphony.
It's very sad.
But it was getting
less sadder
because we were
getting better,
but we got strangled
by the red tape.
- You know?
- Yes.
The fucking red tape.
Money, money,
always money.
I know.
Beppi wants me to come back,
to go on tour,
to do this concert,
to be La Fiamma again,
because of the money.
How is the pasta?
It is so good.
Not overcooked?
It is excellent.
Just right.
My dear maestro,
I'm very sorry that
you have come all this way
for nothing.
For nothing?
I'm afraid that
it is impossible
that this concert
should proceed.
- No, but--
- I have enjoyed
meeting you.
You are clearly
very brilliant.
And you'll have many
triumphs in your future.
Now I must
do the dishes,
and then take
little nap.
And please tell Beppi
finita la comedia.
Alessandra.
The pasta was
overcooked.
By at least
three minutes.
Four and a half.
Well, I'm not here to
conduct your cooking.
And if my singing
is overcooked.
I will never allow that.
Never.
You want to talk about
the blood,
well, my heart,
it has been bleeding
for a while.
And I think your voice
is the only thing that
can save it.
I fell in love
with your voice
the first time
I heard it.
I was 13 years old.
Maestro Rivera brought it.
And it was you
in "Tosca."
I heard it over
and over again.
I would imagine
these things.
I would do things that--
I'm not gonna tell you
what I did, but--
but the moment that I heard
that you stopped singing,
I wept.
You can come up
with many reasons
why not to do something.
But the real reason why
to do something important,
there's only one reason.
And what is the reason?
You know.
But, dear maestro,
I'm sorry but
if you can't stand tears,
you should stay away
from the opera.
Goodbye.
Andrew is running late,
he said we should do
sound check without him.
What a shocker.
He's probably taking
a few hours extra sleep
at the Ritz.
No, he's gotta sleep off
the Dom Perignon.
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
all right.
Let's pick up the tempo
on this one.
We want to get to
my solo quicker.
Remember, it's the
Andrew Walsh Ensemble,
not the Andrew Walsh
Ensemble ensemble.
Okay, let's read
the score.
Uh, bullshit,
bullshit, bullshit,
my solo.
Okay, and then
bullshit, bullshit,
ah, yeah, my solo.
Maybe we just call it the
Hailey Rutlege Ensemble.
Sorry.
No. No, Hailey,
don't stop on my account.
I was enjoying it.
It's hilarious.
- I was just, uh--
- No, you were just
trying to make me look
like an asshole.
It's not that hard.
Anyway, the traffic
was better than I thought,
so I'm here.
Hailey, is it true I do that,
uh, Stevie Wonder thing?
With my head and-- No?
Don't answer.
All right, we have
a lot of work to do.
We leave Austria tomorrow,
and then arrive in Venice
for the festival.
And we need to be ready
to play with shock and awe.
And awe stand for,
ladies?
Andrew Walsh Ensemble.
Exactly.
So, Hailey, is there
a particular piece
that you feel that
I'm rushing the tempo on?
Uh...
Hey, I'm all ears.
Whaddaya got?
Maybe the Vivaldi piece?
See, that's a question.
Can you be definitive?
You are fucking up
the Vivaldi.
No, because I don't think
that you are
fucking up
the Vivaldi piece,
- I just--
- I'm just yanking
your woodwind, Hailey.
Easy. Easy.
- It's just--
- Uh, yes?
I just think that
we're taking
a similar approach
tempo wise
um, to the Fauré.
And that's not how
Maestro DeSousa
would do it?
Probably not.
Uh, yeah.
Well, maybe I just have a
greater sense of urgency
than old Rodrigo does.
Uh, in fact,
let's start with
the Fauré, shall we?
Follow me, ladies.
And gentleman?
Debatable.
Que lindo.
Some people shouldn't be
allowed to sing.
I couldn't agree more.
And some people should not
be allowed to conduct.
I hope you're not
referring to me, Wolfgang.
Well, I'm not
referring to myself.
Is that the way
you're gonna be?
Why? Why? Why?
Why after so many years,
you're still like
a spoiled brat?
Why?
Why do you always have to
smell your own farts?
- Deserter.
- De-- I'm not
a deserter.
Don't call me
a deserter.
I'm-- I'm loyal.
I am soldado de la musica.
Soldado de la musica.
Muy soldado.
So sensitive.
Of course,
I had a soft spot
for singers, too.
And if I can tell you
one thing,
they're all crazy.
And you know,
I-- I've never--
I've never been with a,
you know, close to a--
to a singer.
I don't know why.
Maybe you never will.
You're off to
a pretty bad start.
- Mm.
- Soon, no one,
no one will want to
play with you.
I think this young lady
might have
something for you.
La Fenice,
midnight.
Maestro, my hero.
She's here.
She appears to be happy.
She's ready to rehearse.
We will have
a great concert,
an historic event.
Yes, Beppi, we will,
we will.
But there's
a lot of work to do.
- Of course.
- A lot.
- Of course.
- A lot of work to do.
- Yes.
- Is this the
conservatory?
Yes,
the music school.
Everyone,
this is my maestro,
and I trust him
in every single way.
Okay, well,
here is the program
we will be presenting.
Okay. Yes.
I saw it this morning.
And, um--
It's like the
greatest hits, no?
These are many of
the great arias
which La Fiamma
has been know for
over her
illustrious career.
Yes.
What? You do not
approve of these choices?
It's just that
I think that we can
present a new
Alessandra
that doesn't compete
with the old Alessandra,
you know?
You think I can no longer
sing these roles?
No, yes,
I'm sure you can.
But perhaps not as good
as you once did.
- Hey.
- But there are many,
many good roles,
amazing roles,
that before
you couldn't
be able to sing.
And now you can.
What happened to the man
that was too gentle
to tell my my pasta
was overcooked?
These new arias.
What are you thinking?
"Samson and Delilah,"
for example.
It's a mezzo soprano role.
No!
Or a new piece by
a contemporary composer.
Contemporary composer?
Perhaps if there was
any composer alive
as great as Puccini.
Oh, but how can they
be great
if none of the
greatest performers
perform their work?
But what you don't
understand, Maestro,
is that the Italian
opera audience
is very, very big here.
My maestro has spoken.
How dare you question him.
I only want the best
for you, my dear.
You want to destroy
my confidence.
You care nothing
about me.
For you it is just
money, money, money.
Alessandra--
Bene. Maestro, thank you
so much for educating me.
I'm your humble servant.
Please commence
to create the magic.
Hmph.
Good.
I thought it was, like,
an older looking city.
Yes.
All right,
give me innocence
with your mouth.
Oh, my mouth.
Great.
Now give me slutty.
- Yes.
- Yeah, right?
Work that angle.
Okay, I want to
cross off every site on
my Venice to do list,
so we should
probably go.
Well,
Piazza San Marco is done.
- Okay.
- Where should we go next?
- Uh, Ponte Rialto.
- Great.
- Ponte Rialto.
- How long is this list?
It is very long-ay,
long-ay.
There's no distinction,
I feel,
like,
between the pieces.
He's just doing Sibelius
the same as he's doing Mozart,
the same as he's doing
the Ravel,
and I resent him
for that.
And do you notice that
every time you have sex
with him,
it's exactly the same?
I only had sex
with him once.
You've only had sex
with him once?
- Yes!
- Oh, okay.
Well, I can tell you
from experience,
it is always
exactly the same.
- Well--
- Every single stage.
Did he paint f-holes
on your back?
- Yes, he did.
- Oh, fuck!
How do you know that?
He did that for you?
- He had to shave
my back first--
- Humiliating.
- 'Cause it's hairy, though.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
- Did he do it himself?
- Yeah, he did.
Like, lathered it up--
- Okay, I like him, like,
- four more points
because of that.
- Applied it on.
- What a sicko.
- And razored it off
slowly.
- The Rialto Bridge.
- Done.
- Done.
- Kind of a bust.
- Kind of.
- On to the next.
Oh, check him out.
That mime is hot.
Hello.
My friend over there
thinks that you are hot,
so I think that
you should come to
our concert tonight.
- So--
- I think you're hot.
Oh, my God,
you speak. Wow.
I'm from Belgium,
I'm here for the festival.
Oh. Cool.
Would you maybe want
to come for a coffee
back to my hotel?
Is it like a real...
hotel, or...?
It is a real hotel.
Okay.
As long as he didn't mime
putting on a condom.
Stop. Move.
Quicker.
Hey. The shellfish platter
on this one
is like 10 Euro cheaper.
Oh, great.
Cheap shellfish.
Always the way to go.
Ooh. Beginning to feel
a bit nauseous.
I hope those clams
were okay.
They were
a little sticky.
You're probably just
feeling nauseous
from being
such a tourist.
I like music festivals.
Because seldom
you get to see good things.
But then you get to see
terrible things on and on,
you know,
horrible things.
Really bad th--
Unbearable things.
Look at that.
The Andrew Walsh Ensemble
is playing tonight.
What the fuck?
I have a friend who
plays in that show.
Perhaps we go?
Okay.
I wish our performance
was not at La Fenice.
When the audience
is there--
the critics--
it feels like a cage to me.
Well, let's get
out of the cage.
Let's do something
about this--
Alessandra.
Hey, hey, is this guy
bothering you?
Maestro.
I will be seeing you.
And you will be
hearing me.
You don't know shit
about opera.
And you don't know shit
about the universe.
You know, dark matter.
We don't know about it.
We do not know.
We still have
a lot of things
to discover.
Who's that guy?
He's the head of
a very awful claque.
They want money,
or they'll boo you
during the performance.
If they boo you
during the performance,
I'll go down in the audience
and I'll kick him in the balls,
you know, and I'll
make him a castrati.
I have so many
new pieces to learn.
And my voice,
I'm not prepared.
- No.
- I can't give them
what they want.
Wait, no, no, no.
Of course you can
give them what they--
Don't think about
what they want.
Don't do it for them.
Do it for you.
Do it for the blood.
Or do it for me.
She should sing
instead of me.
Okay.
Why don't you--
Why don't you
join her?
- I can't.
- No, you can.
You can.
I'm your maestro,
right?
Now, woman.
It's La Fiamma.
Oh, my God.
Ti amo.
Ti amo anche io.
Grazie.
Alessandra, yes.
Bien, bien.
Grazie. Grazie.
Yes.
I wanted to share this place,
because it is
very dear to me.
Che bello.
- Bello, no?
- Si.
It used to be
a nunnery.
And I lived up there
in that room for two years.
You were a nun?
My ex wife is a nun.
It is no longer
for nuns.
It was for people who
could not stand to live
anywhere else.
And I went there after
my failure on stage.
You understand?
Yes, I understand.
Singing for me
was everything.
And then I found
I could not sing.
When I lived there,
I could not feed myself.
I needed help to bathe,
to put on clothes,
to go to the bathroom,
even.
No one know this.
No one except Beppi.
He stuck with me.
Now you.
Tell me
something about you
that no one knows.
But I'm nothing.
I'm just some musical notes
that people play with.
And actually,
I've been thinking
a lot about my mentor,
Maestro Rivera.
He's very old
and he's very ill.
And he invited me
to go back to Mexico
to take over
the orchestra.
The one where I started.
And I said no.
And I went back to
New York
to be with an orchestra
that doesn't play.
Rodrigo,
stay con me.
You must move into
my palazzo,
so we may practice
night and day.
Live and breathe
the music.
Oh, la mami.
Yes.
Sorry.
I'm-- I'm so sorry.
- Nice of you to join us.
- I got on the-- Sorry.
I got on the wrong vaporetto.
And then--
Well, you missed
the sound check.
I know. I really don't
feel well right now, either.
Well, neither do I,
because the fucking oboist,
who I added to
the program
because I believed in
her talent,
turned out to be
a complete flake.
- Ah, shock and awe.
- Shock and awe.
Now, go, go.
- Hey. Nice job, rookie.
- Thanks.
- Clams?
- Yeah.
Which one is your friend?
She's the one
that plays the oboe.
She's your lover.
Hailai? No, no,
she-- she's my protegé.
Very innocent.
Do you like innocence?
It appeals to
your depravity.
It is not depravity.
She plays the oboe.
Hey. I am so,
so sorry.
I can play
the second half
of the concert,
though, I think.
I think you can't play
the second half.
I think you're done
on this tour.
I will definitely miss
the conducting lessons, though.
Look, I'm really sorry,
I just didn't want to
barf on stage.
So you ran off
during my solo.
Oh, my God, your solo,
your solo, your solo.
It's always about
your solo.
- Yes, and why do you
think that is?
- Uh--
Because it's the
Andrew Walsh Ensemble.
The Andrew Walsh Ensemble,
that's what people pay for.
Yes.
And we want our money back.
Rodrigo?
I came to see
his protegé.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God,
it's-- it's--
Yes. La Fiamma.
What an honor.
Did you catch any of
the first half?
Yes.
I saw you
sawing on the cello
like you were
cutting down a tree.
Yes, I'm a very
expressive player.
- Always have been.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I think I'm gonna be
sick again, I need to--
You're still fired.
- No, she quits.
- No, no, no, no.
- Watch. She quits.
- I-- I really--
- You quit, Hailai.
She quits.
- I need this job.
- I really need this job.
- She quits.
- She-- You quit!
- You want to
mix it up, Maestro?
- You want to mix it up?
- Yeah, whenever.
- Yeah?
- Yo-Yo Ma wanna be.
- Yo-Yo Ma?
- Yeah.
- Yo mama, Yo-Yo Ma.
- You know what?
- What'd you say?
- I want to--
Sometimes I have trouble
with your accent.
Shh.
Oh.
Ciao. Ciao.
Now what the fuck
am I gonna do?
Hailey.
Come with us.
Yes, Hailai.
We'll take care of you.
In my palazzo,
there are many rooms.
Okay.
Just don't throw up
in the taxi, okay?
'Kay.
But if you throw up,
you tell me. Okay?
It's okay, it's okay.