Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 2, Episode 9 - Amusia - full transcript

[classical music]

- Tell me what does
music mean to you?

Yes?

- How old are you?

- Well, how old
do you think I am?

- 70?

- 70, do I look like that?

Really?

Anyone else?

Anyone--how--
what does music

make you feel?
Yes?



- Nothing.

- That's a really good answer.

That's really good because

music, indeed,
is nothing.

It's just vibrations

that travel through the air.

We connect it with our emotions

and with everything
that we like or dislike.

That's when music
becomes something.

Very good, very good answer.

- I have a question.

- Yes?

- What does music mean to you?

- It's--it's my life.



It's what I...

It's what I think
about all the time.

I wake up with it.

I go to sleep with it.

It's actually the way
that I communicate

with the world and with myself.

So it means everything, really.

If music suddenly
disappeared for me...

I don't know.

- So Winklestrauss said
we don't the votes?

- No, not exactly.

- Shit.

Where does he stand?

- He's a good guy.

He's sympathetic.

- But he said we're
gonna be having

lots of free time.

- Free time is overrated.

I'm back!

- Darling, welcome.

- There is a magic

in what we do...

if we do what we do

the right way, yeah?

As long as I'm up here,

the right way is...

My way.

- Oh, brother.

- When I was a baby,

sucking at my mom's tit, yeah?

I heard Beethoven's "Fifth."

It's my first memory.

- A mammary memory.

- I knew I had to conquer it.

I knew that as a baby.

Let's, um...

let's find out what you know.

All: * Twinkle,
twinkle, little star *

* How I wonder *

- * What you are *

- You must be sick.

[inaudible chatter]

[Beethoven's
"Symphony No. 5" playing]

[rousing orchestral music]

[oboe playing]

- [yawns]

Stop.

Stop, it's a bit off.

Uh, it's all right.

Oboe one only.

[oboe playing]

No, no, stop.
All right.

Your battery's--
a little bit low there.

Just--again.

Sorry, again.

Please?

[oboe playing]

No, stop!

Once more.

This time just go for it.

Have fun, do something
different, yeah?

Do something good
for once, yeah?

- Respectfully, Maestro,

I've played it like
this for 35 years.

- 35 years?

Wow, that's
a long time, isn't it?

At what point
in those 35 years

did you begin to
develop arthritis?

Now, again.

Wait, wait.

Where's our other oboist?

The young one, the pretty one

from the poster.

- I--I think she went--

- I'm right here.

- Brilliant.

Come, come on in.

Mm.
Have a seat, love.

- I tell you what.

Miss this shot,
and I'm done for good.

Make it, and I'll
leave it up to you.

[classical music]

Yes!

Good one.

A double bubble.

[chuckles]

Okay.

[sniffing]

If you say so.

[coughs]

Oh, Jesus, that's good.

[glass shatters]
You may be only a--

a second-and-a-half
rate composer,

Tommy P.

You're a first-rate
handsome devil.

[smooches]

[glass shatters]

Pathetic.

[glass shattering]

Well...

Good old dada.

- Maestro...

[piano playing]
What note is that?

- E.

[piano playing]

D.

- What about this?
[piano plays off-key]

- Do it again.

[piano playing off-key]

Ah.

I don't--
no, there's something wrong

with the piano you're--

you're doing it wrong.

I don't know.

- Rodrigo, you are
suffering from amusia.

- Amusia?
- Amusia.

It's a rare disorder
of the inner ear

that prevents your
ability to decipher pitch.

It's usually associated
with some kind

of blunt force
trauma to the head.

- Shit, yes, yes, yes.

Recently yes, I--

I got cursed.

- Cancel my afternoon,

and reschedule
lunch with my son.

[accordion music]

- You have a hat?

- I don't have a fucking hat.

Hey, give me your hat,
and I'll piss in it.

[chuckles]

Eh?

[warbling indistinctly]

- Maestro?

- What are you doing here,
Rutledge?

- I--I was just teaching

a lesson on Mercer, so--

I was just walking
to the train now.

But what are
you doing here?

- I live here too.

But presently,
I'm living in the moment.

Simultaneously I'm composing
a little ditty called

"Homage to Papa!"

Go fuck yourself, papa!

I love you.

- Is this man bothering you?

- Oh.

- Bothering her?

No, constable!

She is bothering me!

- It's fine.

We're fine.

- God, I wanted
to be a composer.

Look at me now.

I can't even compose myself.

- Where did you get this thing?

- It was my one
sole inheritance.

That and my nose.

My dad, may he rot in peace--

he was a salesman.

And on the rare occasions
that he used to get home,

usually stinking
of Irish whiskey,

would strap this thing on,

and he would humiliate
the crap out of us kids.

Go!

Jesus, yes!

Congratulations.

Well done.

There!

- [chuckles]
- Why?

Just why, why, why did I do it?

Why?

God, why did I willingly

give away my orchestra?

- I thought that you wanted

to willingly give
away your orchestra.

- Oh, don't be insane, woman!

No!

Listen, if you
get an opportunity,

you seize it.

You just seize
the fucking thing.

- Thank God you're here.

- What the hell
happened in here?

- Hmm.

- Constanze.

Oh, how lovely to see you.

There's room enough
for two in here, you know.

- I bet there is.

I'm gonna get
you dried off.

Where's your towels?

- Why did he
call you Constanze?

- Can you please
get four eggs?

Crack them into
a tall glass.

- Sure.

Why did he call you Constanze?

- I hate surprises.

- I did this for us.

Try to keep an open mind, okay?

- Jesus.

[guitars strumming]

You did all this?

- Yeah.

- There was a red--

- Oh, it's--it's under there.

All your stuff's here.

It's accounted for.

[projector whirring]

- How'd you fix this?

- I literally just Googled,

"How do you fix
an old projector?"

- Who are you?

- Come on, I want
to show you something.

- Darling, the tomato juice.

- Yes.

Got that.
I got the coconut, ginger.

- Bananas and sanka.

It's a disgusting concoction,

but it works every time.

- Asparagus.
- Oh, I thought

we omitted the asparagus,

'cause you hate
the way my pee smells.

- I should probably
actually get going.

Um, but,
it's really nice to run into you

and stuff--

Bye, Maestro.

- You know,
Thomas and I go

really far back.

- Like you said,

"Conductors are
very complicated."

- Yes.

So are cellists.

- Evidently.

So are oboists.

[classical music]

[cell phone pings]

- Uh, um...

- Tape player--oh.

- Testing, testing,
one, two, three.

- Is that you?

- This is Bradford Sharp.

- [laughs]

A podcaster's born.

- Daddy.

- Yes?

- Did you go to work?

- I did go to work.

- Did you fly in a jetpack

and hit a building?

- No, I did not

fly in a jetpack.

I drove in my car.

- Did you fall from a plane?

- [laughs]
I did not.

Next question.

- Can I drink soda?

- No!

Good try, though.

- I am...

I wish I'd gotten
a chance to meet him.

I'm sorry
I gave you a hard time

about having so much stuff.

Fuck, say something...

Anything.

- [sighs]

What's the word for--

For this?

- Oh.

- You know, we'd settle
for no reduction in pension

and a slight raise
in health care

and base pay.

Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

- It's reasonable,
but, you know,

you got to get past
all this bullshit.

The lawyers and Bibens
and Union Bobs.

You got to sit down

and talk woman to woman.

- With you?

- No, dear.
Not with me.

Don't be cheeky.

[classical music]

- Those are five rows down
and two seats in.

- Okay.
- Welcome.

Enjoy the show.

Enjoy the concert.

Enjoy the--Maestro.

- Yes, yes--
I know

it's kind of funny, right?

It's funny, but I just
came as a civilian.

Just treat me
like a normal audience.

Like a normal audience,
like a--

- Oh, hope it's
nothing permanent.

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Gabrielle, teacher.

You know what?

I'm gonna go backstage

to talk with Lennox
and my orchestra,

wish them good luck.

I'll be right back, okay?
- Okay.

- I'll be back.

[oboe music]

- Stop.

That was sweet

like cake,
like birthday cake.

I fucking hate birthday cake,

always shite.

I want a steak.

I want meat.

How hard is this?

It's off, it's wrong, yeah?

I mean, fucking hell.

Where's arthritic Betty Cragdale
when I need her?

- Hey, that--that's enough.

It's almost time
for the performance.

- I'll you
what time it is, Bob.

It's time for you
to take your flute

and learn how to play
it better, all right?

Much better!

Better than you're
playing it now, Bob!

- Lennox, Lennox.

Hey, come--

Come. Hello.

- All right, take five.

Off to the toilet Bob, yeah?

- Take ten.

- Sorry got a bit vexed, yeah?

But I don't like what
I'm hearing in there.

- Yeah, yeah, no,
me too, me too.

I don't like it.
I don't like it at all.

- I just want the short
cadenza for solo oboe

in the first movement
to be played quickly!

- Yeah, but that's just, like,
your interpretation, man.

- It should be brisk.

- Well, you can earn
that, you know?

If you let the oboe breathe
a little bit more--

You know, you let it flow,

then you can--
you can let the orchestra

then later come in
with all its anger and fury.

- Anger and fury,
that's what I like, mate.

That's who I am.

That's my brand.
You get me?

Anger and fury is Lennox.

But those old-age
pensioners in there--

their brand
is no discipline, no focus,

and constantly asking
to go to the potty.

- I know, I know--

- The pack of spoiled
little brats, man.

- I know--yes, they are,

but that's my orchestra
you're talking about.

And you're just treating
them like shit, yes.

My orchestra--
you're treating them like shit

and they don't deserve
to be treated like that, okay?

Ludwig doesn't deserve
to be treated like that.

And don't ever talk
to the oboe like that.

You know what?
I'm going to fire you.

I'm gonna fire you,
fire, fire--

- Fire, fire?
- Fire.

- You can't fucking fire me.

- Lennox, I can.

Yes, because you know what?

It's in my contract,

and that is my red tape.

And you cannot cut
that red tape.

I can cut it, but you
cannot cut it, okay?

You can't cut that
red tape--you're fired!

- Pissing me--
like I need any of this.

Man, fuck this shit!

- Did Rodrigo actually
just fire him?

- Yes, and I need your help.

- What? No.

You are Rodrigo's
assistant now.

This is way too
complicated for me.

I told you this
is your job now.

- He can't conduct.

- What do you mean?
He can conduct Beethoven's
"Fifth" in his sleep.

- He couldn't even conduct
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."

And he was wide awake.

[high-pitch ringing]

- You think you
have hearing problems?

I can't hear scheisse!

- Ludwig.

- I composed most
of my "Ninth Symphony"

in complete silence.

Imagine that,
writing an ode to joy,

while I was in
complete despair.

On--in 1824,
my hearing

was completely
nonexistent, but...

I conducted.

- I know. I know.

I always wanted to ask you,

how did it go?

- Dreadfully.

I couldn't hear
the orchestra at all.

My count was off,

but I continued to conduct

even after the Symphony
had concluded.

- And everybody noticed?
- Oh, everybody knew.

- Ah, that's horrible.

Why are you telling
me these things?

Why?

- It's a good question.

You don't even exist.

- Who are you talking to?

- Just to Ludwig.

- Mike told me.

- About the...
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God, no, no,
it's gonna be terrible.

It's gonna be
tremendously horrible.

Yes, I should have
stayed in Mexico.

I should have listened--

- No, Mexico was a fantasy--
that was a fantasy, okay?

- A fantasy?

- No one will know

as far as tonight goes.

I promise you.

At least no one
in the audience.

[crowd chattering,
instruments tuning]

- Ladies and gentlemen, there's
a change in the program.

Tonight's performance
will be conducted

by our very own Maestro,
Rodrigo DeSouza.

[applause]

[high-pitch ringing]

- Maestro, I know.
We got this. We got this.

- Shit, shit, shit.

[applause]

[high-pitched ringing]

[Beethoven's
"Symphony No. 5" playing]

[rousing orchestral music]

[music warps]

[oboe solo]

[warped orchestral music]

[rousing orchestral music]

[warped orchestral music]

[high-pitched ringing]

- Sorry, sorry.

Sorry.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you very much.

Hey, guys--
no, you, you guys.

Hey, "Hai Lai," "Hai Lai"!

Hey, hey.

- Hey.
- Thank you so much.

Thank you
because I know that you--

you and Warren Boyd and Michel,

you guys worked it out.

- Of course.

- Came out okay, right?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I also--

I just wanted to say

that the orchestra
really loves you.

I'm not saying that as, like,

some kind of cheesy metaphor.

It's just--it's true.

- Me too.

Me too, I love--

I love the orchestra as well.

- Can you help them?

- I'll try.

- Ah, come in, Cynthia.

Listen, I wanted you two
to get together

because you're the two people
that I love the most

in this planet.

- Cynthia, I want to apologize

for the article in "The Post."

It won't happen again.

Just trust me.

- Glad to hear it.

- How about we cut
through all the bullshit.

- So I know you've got
important things to discuss,

but one suggestion,

please...

Keep it to yourselves.

[classical music]

- Hey.

- I did it.

It's settled.

I mean, not settled,
settled, not yet.

But I spoke to Gloria,
and she's cool.

We--we're cool.
Major progress was made.

- Please don't go
behind my back

and try to negotiate.

They'll eat you alive.

Anyway, Gloria doesn't
have any power.

- She's the Head of the Board.

- No, Biben's got all the votes.

Look, this is a gutter fight.

Well, thankfully,

I have some news too.

Here are some facts

you'll find interesting.

- Have you given this to anyone?

- "The Times."

What?
- What do you mean, "what?"

You've ruined everything.

Gloria's gonna lose her shit.

- Let me do my job.

- Your job?

No, your job
is you work for me.

Nina, you work for us,
the orchestra.

You had no right.

- Cynthia,
let me ask you something.

What if I sat in
with the orchestra sometime,

tried to play cello.

How do you think that would go?

Not good, right?

Because I don't play cello.

So don't you try
to come into my office

and think you can do
what I do.

- No, I don't think
I can do what you do,

but I can damn well
do my version of it.

You--you're on to some other
city as soon as this is over.

- You think that
as soon as I seal the deal

on these negotiations, that I'm
gonna move onto someone else?

- You have one hell
of a fucking ego.

The orchestra is my family.

I won't let anyone
or anything hurt it.

You're fired.

- What?

- I don't trust you, sorry.

- Cynthia...

Go fuck yourself.

- I intend to

for the foreseeable future.

[classical music]

- I'm really sorry about
the whole Lennox thing.

- Laws of the jungle, baby.

Besides you're my student.

I can't make you
better than I am,

maybe I'm a terrible teacher.

- You're an amazing teacher.

- Reg?

- [chuckles]
Hello.

- Hailey, this is Reg.

Reg was my student too.

Now he's first chair

with the Des Moines Phil.

- Oh, wow.

- He was at the concert
last night

and heard you play.

He thought he was going
to hear me.

- Betty said you were great.

The articulation,
the placement--

You have such a naturally
flexible soft palate.

It's wonderful.

- He's right.

You play beautifully.

- Hailey,

we're about to lose

our second chair oboist.

The job is yours
if you want it.

- Wow--

- Truth be told,

we do do a lot of pops.

But sometimes we manage

to sneak in a little Sibelius.

- I am so flattered, truly.

Like, this is a dream job

for some people.

It's just that I've spent

a lot of time trying
get where I am

in New York,
and I--I just think

I should stay here, so...

- You know there's no need

to give me final
answer right now.

Just think on it.

- Okay.

- Reg, darling.

Won't you scoot that sexy ass

to the kitchen and whip me up

an Iowa omelet?

- You goddess, you.

- Look, Hailey,
I'd like to play BFF

with you all day long--

braid each other's hair,

prank phone call
the percussionists, the works--

but the truth is,

Des Moines isn't
your choice to make.

- Wait, what?

- If you don't
take that Iowa job,

I'll make sure everyone knows
about your Mexican tryst.

Not good for you
or the Maestro.

[classical music]

Like I said, that jungle...

She's a bitch.