Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 3 - Mork in Never-Never Land - full transcript

- You think the mail's here?
- I'm expecting something.

Oh, if it's important, say no more.

Neither wind nor sleet nor slush
will stop me.

I'll fetch it.

Boy, that was quick.

Oh, hi, Glenda Faye.

Hi, Mindy.

Why was Mork scratching his ear
with his foot?

Oh, well, when he fetches the mail,
he does it with total commitment.

Well, how about a little morning jog?

Oh, I don't know.
How far you going?



- Denver.
- Denver?

No, thanks, Glenda Faye.
I think that maybe some other time.

I wish I could stop by more often.

You know, I really don't have
too many people to talk to

since my husband passed on.

Well, you know, I was sorry
to hear about your loss.

There will never be
another Randolph.

That's why every day, I wear
something black in memory of him.

Denver is pretty far.
How about a doughnut?

We can go to the House of Holes.

No, I can't.

I'm waiting for the results
of a scholarship exam

I took for journalism grad school.
Oh, I hope I get it.

Well, I'm sure you did.



You were always so smart
in high school.

I envied you.

You envied me?

Well, you were the one that was out
having all the fun.

Well, I envied you between the fun.

Don't worry, Mindy.
You're gonna get that scholarship.

Oh, I wish I could be
as positive as you.

Well, hasta la vista.

That wasn't a new vase, was it?

No. No, it's been in the family
for generations.

Oh, good.

Now, don't you worry,
I'm gonna replace it.

Bye, boy.

Have Mindy
give you a little treat later.

Mail call!

Let me see here.

"McConnell, Mindy."

ls there anything
about my scholarship?

I don't know.
Nothing really smells scholastic.

Let me see, let me see.

Nothing.

I should have heard by now. When
are those guys gonna let me know?

Oh, there's something in here
for you. Here.

"Can you come visit me?
Your friend, Pete..."

It's from Peter, my pen pal.

- He wants me to visit him.
- Oh, come on, Mindy.

He lives outside of Boulder.
Can you go?

Maybe? Maybe?

Oh, Mork, maybe some other time.

I don't think
I'd be too much fun today.

Oh, Mind, maybe your scholar boat
will come tomorrow.

That's "scholarship."

Oh, I guess
I'm just a little "dinghy," huh?

Is Mork here yet?
Anybody seen my pen pal?

No, and we never will.

Come on,
that guy ain't gonna show up.

When are you gonna
face facts and grow up?

But Mork will come. I trust him.

Come on, you can't trust anybody.

Look at me.

My wife is in real estate.

One day, she said she found
the perfect home for me.

I've been here ever since.

Peter, guess what.

My friend Mork is here.

That's very good.

See, Sid? I told you he'd show.

I'll get the confetti.

Mork?

Peter?

Mork.

Peter.

Morko.

Pedro.

Oh, my little pen pal,

quill buddy, paper mate.

Oh, this is some swell kind of place.

They gave me a tour.
It was incredible.

I mean, that rubber wallpaper,
wow, how convenient.

And then those coats too.

You can hug yourself all day.

It's wonderful.

Look at that,
industrial-strength screen.

You must have some
big sucker mosquitoes out there.

The type that are on steroids,
they're going, "Here, I'm coming."

That's wonderful.

Hey, this is my kind of town.

Is this guy crazy?

He belongs in this place
more than I do.

Oh, gee, thanks.

- I think your friend really likes me.
- I'm not his friend and I don't like you.

It's okay, Mork.
Sid's a little depressed.

Hey, hey. Let's play some games.

We've got cards, checkers.

Hey, we could even play
some jacks.

Oh, I love playing jacks,
especially Jack Nicholson.

We took a vote and I wanna see
the damn World Series.

Hey, Sid. Come on, join us.

- It's fun.
- Buzz off.

Oh, Mork, it's so sad.

You know, people don't wanna play
around here anymore.

But I'm working on them.

Well, my friend Mindy's like that too.
She's been real sad recently.

I don't know why people are unhappy

when there's so many clowns
in government.

They're unhappy
because they grew up.

But I thought you have to grow up
so you can feel guilty and be an adult.

You may have to grow tall,
but you don't have to grow up.

- Can you keep a secret?
- Sure.

You know that...?

Does he have one wheel
in the sand?

Well, what's your secret?

I'm Peter Pan.

Peter Pan?

But you sign all your letters
Peter Panovski.

Oh, that's just a cover. Nobody's left
out there that believes in Peter Pan.

- Why not?
- See, I'm the real Peter Pan.

You know?

Oh, wait one millibleam.

You mean the Peter Pan
who could fly,

lost his shadow,
was chased by Captain Hook,

got swallowed by the alligator
that had clock in his stomach?

- Yes.
- What's not to believe?

Oh, Mork, you believe it's me.
You believe in me.

Oh, wait.

Wait one minute there.
I'm not just some shucker.

Come on now. Wait a minute.

Peter Pan was a boy
who never grew up.

Oh, that's me.

The little guy's still inside.

Oh, and it sounds like he's got gas.

Oh, Mork, you've made my day.

Oh, who am I kidding?
You made my life.

Somebody believes in me.

Where I come from,
everybody believes in you.

- Oh, where's that?
- Well, it's…

I come from a place far, far away,

where the plants
are as intelligent as the people

and the sky is yellow and brown.

Pittsburgh?

No.

What would you say if I told you
I come from a planet called Ork?

I'd say, "Welcome."

At last.

You know, where we come from,
we say, "Na-no, na-no."

Oh, what does that mean?

Well, it's a lot nicer
than the old greeting.

- Which was?
- "Yo, lizard thighs."

I love laughter.

You know, I tried to get everyone
to laugh here at least once a day.

Sid's two years behind.

My friend Mindy's the same way.
She's so depressed recently.

See, that's why I came and got you
so we could both make her happy.

It's been a long time
since I've been out there.

You know, it's scary.

Hey, don't worry, because
you're with me. I'm your pen pal.

We'll fight them off
with a couple of quills.

You're right. Okay, let's go.

Peter,
aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

What's the matter, Pete?

I'm sorry, Mork.
I can't go home with you.

Why not? The house is pretty clean
and I make a great hot fudge tortilla.

You don't understand. I can't leave.
It's against the rules.

Okay, everybody, it's time.

Pete, I mean, you gotta come.

I'm... But...

- Leave it to me, leave it to me.
- Peter?

Ma'am, you don't understand,
you see,

Peter has to come home with me
and see Mindy.

Oh, I'm sorry,
but this is where he belongs.

Gee, Mork.

I'd like to help Mindy, but I can't.

Will you come visit me soon?

Sure.

Ma'am, how come he can't get out?

You have to understand, Mork,
they must be locked in at night

for safety.

Oh, so they don't bump their wings.

Yes, this too is true.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Julie.

What? You got a scholarship?

Well, how sweet and thoughtful of you
to call and tell me.

Anybody else get one?

Who? The Rebozo twins?

Well, that makes me twice as happy.

Gee, Julie, thanks for calling me
and giving me all the good news.

Thanks. Bye.

Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Rebozo.

- And congratulations to the twins.
- Yeah, two heads are better than one.

Oh, how we feeling?

Terrible.

I seem to be the only one

who hasn't heard
about the scholarship.

It's not looking good, Mork.

How was your day?
Did you have fun with Peter?

Oh, not bad.

- I have a question I'd like to ask you.
- Yeah?

Why do they lock some people up?

- Why do you ask?
- I don't know. Why?

- Why you paranoid?
- I'm not paranoid, are you?

Well, I'm just a little curious
about Earth customs, that's all.

Well, they usually lock people up
because they commit crimes.

What if they didn't commit a crime?

Then they should be set free.

Wheels are turning.
A little justice must be done.

- Pardon me.
- No.

You see, Mork, sometimes
life on Earth isn't always fair.

Oh, you mean like
earthquakes demolish cities,

floods wipe out homes.

The Rebozo twins
get the scholarship.

I think I'll go lie down
and count the sparkles in my ceiling.

Oh, poor Mind.

Adult life can really be tough
sometimes.

If only Peter Pan were here.

Wait a minute.

This is a job for Morky Bell.

Mork, Mork, maybe I shouldn't.

You know, it's against the rules.

No. No, come on, see?

We're gonna break out, see?
Don't chicken on me, see?

Over the wall, see?

We're gonna get out of this pig house.
Now come on.

Mork, Mork, Mork, no.

Happy Valley isn't a prison.
It's, you know, a funny farm.

Oh, you mean a place
where they grow jokes.

No, no, no.

It's where they put people
who are different.

And people out there
really think I'm different.

I don't know. Maybe leaving
isn't such a good idea.

Oh, no, come on. Mindy needs you.

The world needs you.
Even Disneyland needs you.

But what if she turns out
to be like all the others?

I put myself in here years ago
because people didn't believe in me.

Why should she be any different?

Oh, she'll believe in you.

I mean, she believed that I came
from outer space in an egg.

- She bought that?
- Yeah.

Come on, come on,
Mindy needs you.

Let's go.

Wait a minute.

You're going out there?

You won't get more than 50 feet
before some fink will rat on you.

Who would do a thing like that?

Me. You see,
you can't trust anybody.

I trust you, Sid.

Oh, Pete,
you make it hard on a fink.

Maybe it's time I started
trusting people out there.

Well, you mean you're gonna do it?

Let's go.

Oh, I love you, you big pixie.

Mork, Mork, what about the grill?

Step back.

Big deal.

Let's go.

It might be faster if we flew.

A little for me.

Now think lovely thoughts and fly!

I think that fairy sold you
some bum dust, Pete.

Mork, what is it?

Oh, Mind, Mind.

Don't worry about your troubles.
They've been tackled.

Sacked by "Mean Mork" Greene.

What are you talking about?

I haven't heard
about the scholarship yet.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I got you something even better
than the scholarship.

Peter, come on down.

Peter?
Your pen pal spent the night?

Yeah. He's here right now.

What are you doing?

Quiet, Mind. He understands.

Mindy McConnell, meet Peter Pan.

Oh, Peter Pan.

Any relation to the real Peter Pan?

Well, actually,
I am the real Peter Pan.

And I bet you live
in Never-Never Land.

No, I moved.

I now live in Happy Valley.

Happy Valley?

You mean, the ment…?

The asyl…?

Yeah.

Mork, can I talk to you for a minute?

Pardon me.

Mork, Mork.

We've got big trouble here.

- Right here in River City?
- No.

Mork, Peter has got to go back
to Happy Valley.

I thought you said people
don't have to be locked up.

No, you misunderstood.

Peter Pan isn't real.
It's just a fairy tale.

I knew she wouldn't believe.

Oh, give her a chance, Pete.

Come on, Mind, you believe in me.
Why don't you believe in him?

Because you really are Mork from Ork
and he's right here in my apartment.

Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.

Problems only seem big
if that's all you look at in life.

- Yeah, but...
- Crow.

- Crow?
- Yes.

In Never-Never Land, whenever
we're feeling really good inside,

we crow like a rooster.

Colonel Sanders, watch out,
huh, Mind?

Come on, Mind.
Don't be all cooped up.

Take a flying chance.

No, Mork.
I don't think that I could possibly...

Oh, come on, Mindy.

You'll forget your worries in no time.

Listen, I appreciate
what you're trying to do.

I do.

But I have to answer the phone.

- It's no use.
- No.

Hello?

Oh, school.

Yes, this is Mindy McConnell.

No, I see.

You only have
so many scholarships.

Right. Maybe I'll try again next year.

No, no, no. I'm not upset.

There's just one more thing,
Dean Johnson.

I had a little frog in my throat.

Thank you for calling.

Oh, Mind, if you're ever gonna crow,
you should have done it then.

I mean, you gotta let
the little person out, like this:

We should have gotten here sooner.

What's the matter?
Did Sid spill the peas?

No.

I found your letters from Mork, Peter.

And I had an idea you'd come here.

Fly, Peter, fly.

- Open the window first.
- No, Mork.

- Open the window.
- No.

No, Peter. Don't jump.

I mean, don't fly away.

We need you, Peter.

You cheer people up so.

Even Sid misses you.

Sid misses me?

- And you know what he said?
- No. What?

He said that you were
his very best friend.

Oh, dear.

Mork, what should I do?

I don't know. It's up to you, kid.

Oh, I have to go back.

I mean, those people have problems,
big problems, and I can help them.

Like the old saying,
there's no place like the home.

I'll still be your pen pal.

I'm sorry, Mork.

It didn't work.

Mindy's still sad.

Come on, Mind.

If you ever had to crow, do it now.
For yourself, for Pete.

I can't. I feel ridiculous.

You've been miserable.
What have you got to lose?

- Mork, I can't.
- Oh, Mindy,

why don't you enjoy what you have

instead of worrying
about what you haven't?

Yeah. Do it for me.

Well, do it for the little person
inside of you.

No, Mork.

No, no. Give it some gas, honey.

Give it some gas.

Again, with feeling. Come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on.

Yes.

Yes.

You know, it really is crazy,
but it does work.

It really works.

I told you this guy was good, huh?
I told you.

Oh, Peter.

I believe in you.

Oh, I'm so glad.

Now, don't forget your crow.

I'll practice early in the morning
so no one will get suspicious.

I can teach you how to do that too.

Oh, that's awful thoughtful of you,
Peter.

Thank you.

Oh, Mork, thanks.

Oh, shucks.

I really do feel much better.
I really do.

Even though you didn't
get the scholarship?

Well, you know, I've been thinking.

I don't need a degree to prove
that I'm good enough.

I'll go out and get a job without it.

So what if it's a little scary?

Well…

Oh, Mork.

I forgot to say thank you.

Listen, I better get back.

They're looking for me
around the corner.

See you next visiting day.

I don't believe it.

We're on the second floor.
He flew up here.

I know.

Did you help him do that?

Do you really wanna know?

- No.
- Me either.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Five, six, seven.
Come on, Bebo, follow the steps.

- Mork.
- Five, six, seven... Yes, sir.

Why are you doing
the Funky Orkan?

Well, sir, that's because I have
a terminal case of Peter Panitis.

Peter Panitis? What's that?

Sir, it's the only disease
that's better than the cure.

You know, I found out this week
that some people on Earth

take life too seriously.
I mean, they worry too much.

- That's easy for you to say, Mork.
- Yes, sir.

You get to observe Earth
and have fun

while I'm on Ork doing all the work.

Oh, come on, Your Kvetchiness.

I mean, you can have fun anywhere.

There's a little child inside of all of us
that needs to be let out. See?

Hi, hi, how are you?

Come on, let him out.

All you have to do is a little of this.
Come on, try this:

Oh, yeah.

Being silly doesn't change anything,
Mork.

Oh, sir, come on. Give it a try.

Just a crow, a little crow.

Croquette.

Enough of this nonsense.

- I have work to do.
- Aye, aye, sir.

That's the ancient version
of "arr, arr," sir.

Or "aye, aye," sir.

That's the Christmas version
of "arr, arr." But until next week, sir.

Come on, Beeb. That's all right.

We failed. Don't worry about it.

Crowing, how ridiculous.

I got you, sir. I knew you'd try it.

I was just coughing, Mork.

Well, sir, one piece of advice.

Don't take anything for that cough.

Until next week, sir.

I knew there was a little person
inside of all that fat, Bebo.