Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 11 - Mindy Gets Her Job - full transcript
Mindy gets a job at a local news station.
Oh, now, don't worry, honey.
You'll get a job soon.
I hope so.
Well, Mindy, you know, if it wasn't
for something my father told me,
I never would have gotten
my first job.
- What did he say?
- Get out of the house, you bum.
And if you're real good,
I'll take you to see Popeye again.
I wonder how I got those big arms.
- Oh, Mind. Mind.
- Hi. Hi, kids.
Oh, I have wonderful news
for you, Mind.
Bon appetit, Stephanie.
They're the munchkins. I told them
you were looking for a job,
because you were tired
of seeing me fretting going:
Will she get the job or will she end up
as the Bag Lady of Boulder,
fighting alley cats for fish heads?
Lola, tell her the good news.
Lay it on her.
My uncle manages KTNS,
the TV station.
And I think there's a job available
in the newsroom.
Oh, thanks, anyway, Lola,
but I've already been over to KTNS
two or three times,
and there's nothing available.
You're spinning your wheels.
Get a job at the House of Pies.
I eat there a lot.
Stephanie eats everywhere a lot.
Lola's uncle said
there'd be a job opening today, Mind.
Really?
Well, maybe I do stand a chance.
I don't see why not.
You're attractive to men,
yet no threat to women.
You know, when she talks,
E. F. Hutton listens.
Here's my uncle's card.
And, oh, by the way,
take one of mine.
Thank you.
Come on, Stephanie.
I've gotta get home.
Carl Sagan's on Cavett.
You might have a better chance
of getting a job
if you weren't so skinny.
Are you gonna call the station?
Well, you bet.
Oh, boy, isn't it wonderful, Pops?
I mean, today, little Mindy McConnell
for the local TV station.
Tomorrow, Fred Silverwoman.
- Oh, Mind.
- Hello, KTNS?
Yes, I understand
you have a job opening.
Oh, my name is Mindy McConnell,
and I'd be very interested
in coming down for an interview.
Oh, yeah, I can do that.
Oh, sure, I can do that.
Well, I can try to do that.
Okay, fine, tomorrow at 4.
Very good.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
What did he say, Mind?
All I could hear was:
Well, they said every now and then,
I'd have to be on camera.
I mean,
I've never been on camera before.
Oh, come on, Mind. I saw
those home movies when you were 2.
You're a natural.
Remember this one?
Thank you, miss, but we're looking
for someone with more experience.
Boy, this weather.
I just about missed my chance.
- My interview's at 4:00.
- Oh, mine's at 4:20. I'm early.
Yeah.
- You know, you look... No.
- You know, you look... No.
- It sure is crowded in here, huh?
- It sure is.
My name's Mindy McConnell.
Mine's Mandy McDonald.
- What a coincidence.
- Isn't it, though?
- I bet you're a journalism major too.
- Yeah, how'd you know?
Most of these girls here are.
Do you all travel as a group?
No, I bump into a lot of them
at these interviews.
You know,
there are only so many jobs.
Oh, you're telling me.
It isn't as rosy
as they lead you to believe in college.
Colorado State?
Almost. University of Colorado.
I graduated with honors.
Me too.
Good.
You don't happen to live with a guy
named Mork, do you?
Not anymore.
You know a Mork?
Oh, I thought you said Mark.
That's my old boyfriend.
Mark and Mandy.
Cute.
You know, it's amazing. You think
you're so special when you graduate,
then you get out in the world, and
you find you're just another perky face.
I don't believe this.
Next, McConnell, Mindy.
I'm McConnell... Mindy.
I mean, Mindy McConnell.
Miles Sternhagen.
I'm station manager of KTNS.
It's nice weather, isn't it?
No, it's snowing.
Right.
Miss McConnell,
what are your qualifications?
Oh, my qualifications.
Well, I graduated with honors
from the University of Colorado,
and I served three years
on the school newspaper,
and I was associate editor
of the yearbook.
Miss McConnell, have you ever had
any experience in the field?
No, but I really feel that...
Well, thank you very much,
but I'm looking for someone who has.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mr. Sternhagen,
but there's something I'd like to say.
Yes?
I know you've probably met
a lot of people like me.
Well, I'd like you to know
that I've certainly met
a lot of people like you too.
You all claim that you wanna hire
someone with experience,
and yet you'll never give any of us
the chance to get any.
I mean, you probably
wouldn't send a man to the moon,
because he hadn't been there
before.
Well, I may not be experienced,
but I'm intelligent, and capable,
and hard-working,
and I do a darn good job.
No, I do a damn good job.
Miss McConnell,
you believe in speaking your mind.
- Yes.
- That's why I fired the last girl.
Maybe I ought to take a chance on you
if you're willing to work for 200 a week.
- I'd do it for half that.
- Oh, no, that wouldn't be fair.
Let's make it 110.
I can't believe it.
You mean, you're hiring me?
- I don't even know what the job is.
- Well, it's not all that thrilling.
This is a small station.
Not like when I was at the network.
Then, when I turned down
Cronkite and Rather, well, it mattered.
That's why I'm here
in Denver's appendix.
But then, that's old business.
As far as the job goes,
Miss McConnell,
you'll do any number
of trivial odds and ends,
and fill in on camera
for whoever's not here.
Well, don't you wanna audition me
or anything?
You seem to have a lot of faith
in yourself.
We'll try you out on the air.
Tonight on the late news,
you'll do the weather report.
Dewey Fishbeck
is out with the croup.
Gee, tonight.
That just seems so soon.
I mean, I've never really done
too much of that kind of thing.
Well, that's all right.
If you're no good, I'll fire you.
Power is dizzying.
Well…
I promise you
you won't be sorry, Mr. Stainhergen.
That's Sternhagen,
and I'm already sorry.
No.
Doesn't Mork
wanna celebrate with us?
Oh, Mork doesn't drink champagne.
He feels it just perpetuates
cruelty to grapes.
Oh, he's such a little snuggle puss.
I wish I could buy one somewhere.
- I just love your choice of champagne.
- Oh, me too.
It's much better than the champagne
Remo gets for the restaurant.
That stuff comes in cans.
Well, I'd better be going
before the snow gets worse.
Now, Cathy and I'll be watching you
tonight, honey,
and I just can't wait to see
how you're gonna slip, "Hi, Dad"
into a weather report.
Oh, that man
is such a social lubricant.
So tell me, Mindy, what are you
gonna wear on the air tonight?
Wear?
Oh, I don't know,
just my regular Mindy clothes.
Jeanie, dear,
it doesn't matter what she wears.
It's what she projects.
Now, Mindy, you're going to be on
at 10:00 at night, right?
Well, if I were you,
I'd cater to the mood
of the late-night adult audience.
- How?
- Well…
Hello, Boulder.
Welcome to the Joy of Weather
by M.
We'll get to the weather later,
but first, I dance for you.
I wouldn't talk like that
on my honeymoon.
I don't know, I think maybe you should
just be yourself, you know, like:
"Hi, I'm Mindy.
Isn't the weather great?"
There's a real cute blizzard
out there,
"and don't you just wanna write
a thank-you note to Jack Frost?"
You know,
something like that, maybe.
Thanks.
Oh, would you look at that snow?
Oh, we'd better go, Jeanie.
Oh, I am so glad
I bought those Gucci snow tires.
Well, thanks for coming over,
you guys.
Mindy, they don't really make
Gucci snow tires, do they?
I hope not.
- Bye-bye, good luck.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
- We'll be watching you.
Hello, Boulder.
Welcome
to the Joy of Weather by…
Oh, God.
Are you Mindy McConnell?
Yes, I am.
And this is my friend, Mork.
- Hello.
- I'm Jake Loomis, the cameraman.
I'm surprised you got through.
Nobody else did.
The whole town's snowed in.
Well, I have a four-wheel-drive Jeep.
What do you mean, nobody's here?
Just me and the engineer.
Yep, I've been here all night.
Show business is my life.
- Who's...? Who's gonna do the news?
- Search me.
Hold on, Mind. Hold on a second.
He's clean, Mind.
I thought all the flakes were outside.
Whoever showed up
is supposed to call Sternhagen
here at this number right away.
The phone is behind the desk there.
Better hurry up.
The movie's almost over.
Oh, look, it's my favorite, Mind.
Benji Shaves His Legs.
Hello, Mr. Sternhagen?
Yes, this is Mindy McConnell.
Oh, I guess I'm the only one
that made it through the snow.
Well…
So I guess
we're not doing the news tonight?
Oh, no, no, I don't think...
No, no, no, I couldn't possibly...
I see.
Okay, I'll try.
Bye.
You handled that well, Mind.
Mork, he said that there's a
half an hour until the station signs off.
He doesn't wanna lose
his sponsors,
and he said he wants me
to fill the whole half hour all by myself.
- What am I gonna do?
- I don't know. I have to...
You're on in 15 seconds.
Here's the news and weather.
There's the camera. Don't blow it.
- Thanks, no pressure.
- Will you hold this for a second?
- Five, four, three…
- We've got news. We've got...
- Mork, give me those quickly.
- Oh, here, Mind, catch.
You're on.
Good evening.
I'm Mindy McConnell.
And tonight, I'll be bringing you
the news from all over.
A news report
has just been handed to me.
Thank you.
"Expected to be over by December."
And that's the news for tonight.
Another news bulletin
has just been handed to me.
"Thousands flee in terror as…"
"The pope blesses visitors
to the Vatican."
And that's the news.
Mork, help me.
- What'd you say, Mind?
- Help me.
Mork the Video Junkie to the rescue.
Hello, good evening.
Thank you very much,
Mindy McConnell.
Thank you.
Thanks for dropping in tonight.
Yes, hello.
We have the news
from Boulder, Colorado,
as we like to call it, the Mindy City.
And now for the news
with Walter Morkite.
Hello, I'm Walter Morkite
with Dan Mork in London,
Morkey Rather in Paris,
and Michael Mork
in women's clothes.
News flash from New York today.
Chase Manhattan Bank was robbed.
Here's a description as follows:
"Four stories high,
lots of bricks and plenty of glass."
Moving right along
to Washington, D.C.
"Today, President Ronald Reagan
replied"
to a group of hecklers by saying:
'What would this country be
without this great land of ours?'
He also stunned America in his
acceptance of the presidency by going:
'My fellow Americans... Line."'
Moving right along,
we go to Moscow.
But first we have...
Yes, we have the update.
We're gonna have the update
from San Salvador.
There's some physical unrest up there,
a little violence.
We have the actual footage of a riot
taking place in San Salvador.
Take it away.
We don't have the footage,
so this is what it would look like.
Moving right along,
also from Soviet Union.
"Shot-putter Olga Svets
finally agreed to talk to the press"
and deny the allegations that she has
been taking steroids all these years.
She replied by merely saying:
"She also said that her 80-inch bust
was merely hereditary."
Thank you, Olga.
And in the field of sports medicine,
another incredible breakthrough.
It's called
the Joe Garagiola School of Childbirth.
It happens in the operating room,
and it consists of a man
dressed in a catcher's mask
and mitt going:
Yo, baby. Right here, baby, yo.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you've got to believe in something
or you'll fall for anything. Yes.
I want to leave you. Got to go now.
But I want you to know
that you can fool some of the people
some of the time,
and the rest will watch.
So now
we have a brief spot announcement.
Thank you, Spot.
Thank you. Yes.
- We're off. Ten-second commercial.
- Oh, thank you.
Mork, we're doing great.
We only have a couple of minutes left.
I've got the weather report together.
You don't want me to help you
with it?
No, it's time I stood
on my own two feet.
- It's now or never.
- All right, Mind.
- Good luck, Mind.
- Thanks.
We're back on.
Good evening, everyone.
And here's the weather report
for Boulder and vicinity.
"We have a blizzard."
Heavy snow continuing tonight
and on through the weekend.
The present temperature
is 19 degrees
"with an expected low tonight of 8."
And that's it.
Boy, it sure is cold out.
How cold is it?
Well, it's so cold…
Well, it is the kind of weather
where you'd kind of like to curl up
with a nice cup of hot chocolate
and a good book,
and snuggle under a big warm quilt.
You know,
the kind your grandmother made.
It sure is.
It's hard to drive in the snow,
but it's a good time to go walk
and visit your neighbors.
You know,
maybe wave and say hello.
Sure, winter is harsh,
but what other time of year…?
What other time of year
can you celebrate Christmas,
and look forward to spring?
That's it?
Well, that's it, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Mindy McConnell,
and we'll be seeing you again.
Real soon.
Hopefully.
That's it. We're off the air. Good job.
- It was, wasn't it?
- Don't let it go to your head.
- Oh, Mind, you did it.
- I did all right.
I stood in front of all those people,
and I talked and it felt great.
- Oh, Mind.
- We did it.
- No.
- We actually filled the time.
No, you did it.
I was just the tail on the kite.
Oh, no. Can you believe it?
Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind.
Oh, Mork, it's Mr. Sternhagen.
- Mr. Sternhagen.
- How do you do, Mr. Sternhagen?
I'm Mork.
Well, have it your own way.
I got here as soon as I could.
You'd be surprised how fast
you can go with one foot on the floor
and your chin on the horn.
Sounds fun, Mind.
You know,
I thought that my career was over,
because we had nothing
to put on that…
…tube. Tube.
You may not believe this,
but these are the kinds of crises
that really used to get to me.
But no mo...
No mo...
Not now.
Did you enjoy
Mindy's weather forecast?
I never know what I enjoy
until the ratings come in.
I learned that a long time ago
when I was high.
In the network.
Well, do I get to keep the job?
Why...? Why...?
Why not?
You've pulled me through
a difficult time,
and I just can't thank you enough,
Miss McC...
Miss... Miss McC…
Miss McC...
And you too, Mr. Nee-tee, Noo-tee…
Hi. I got here as soon as I could.
Keep up the good work.
That's the type of leader
this country needs, Mind.
Believe me, Mork, he wasn't
like that when first I met him.
But who cares? He liked what I did.
I get to keep the job.
I guess those four years of college
really paid off.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, but not as much
as my three years of Mork.
Oh, shucks and wazoo.
Boy, you know, I really hate
to drive in this kind of snow.
Yeah, you're right.
It could be kind of dangerous.
Wait a minute. We'll get a ride
from Mr. Sternhagen. I'll go get him.
Don't take the car.
You'll kill yourself.
Yes.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Your Lardness.
That's not funny, Mork.
- I have a thyroid problem.
- Oh, yes, sir.
That and a truckload of mashed
potatoes will do it every time.
- Will you get on with it, Mork?
- Oh, yes, sir.
Sir, this week,
I learned about the concept of jobs.
After much searching and difficulty,
Mindy finally got one.
- But I thought she was a student.
- Oh, she's a very good one, sir.
But there's an old Earth saying:
Those who stay in college too long
die by degrees.
Why all the mountaineering gear,
Mork?
Oh, Beebs says it's to make you feel
at home, Your Matterhorniness.
You don't buy that one either?
Well, basically, sir, what it is
is a metaphor to symbolize the climb
that Mindy's just undertaken
to reach the peak of success.
- What does that mean in Orkan?
- Well, sir, I'll give it to you straight.
It means any Earthling who expects
a job when he gets out of college
is a victim of the abominable snow job.
You know?
Basically that there's no guarantee
that any Earthling who graduates
from college is gonna get a job
unless he can play basketball,
you know what I'm saying?
That doesn't seem fair, Mork.
It isn't, sir. It's like Tarzan said:
"It's a jungle out there, Jane."
You see, the old ones
are forced out of their jobs,
the young ones can't get in,
and the ones in the middle,
they all get ulcers
from working too hard.
But I've learned one thing, sir.
No matter how high the mountain
or how tall the task,
you have to take that first step
to reach the top.
You'll get a job soon.
I hope so.
Well, Mindy, you know, if it wasn't
for something my father told me,
I never would have gotten
my first job.
- What did he say?
- Get out of the house, you bum.
And if you're real good,
I'll take you to see Popeye again.
I wonder how I got those big arms.
- Oh, Mind. Mind.
- Hi. Hi, kids.
Oh, I have wonderful news
for you, Mind.
Bon appetit, Stephanie.
They're the munchkins. I told them
you were looking for a job,
because you were tired
of seeing me fretting going:
Will she get the job or will she end up
as the Bag Lady of Boulder,
fighting alley cats for fish heads?
Lola, tell her the good news.
Lay it on her.
My uncle manages KTNS,
the TV station.
And I think there's a job available
in the newsroom.
Oh, thanks, anyway, Lola,
but I've already been over to KTNS
two or three times,
and there's nothing available.
You're spinning your wheels.
Get a job at the House of Pies.
I eat there a lot.
Stephanie eats everywhere a lot.
Lola's uncle said
there'd be a job opening today, Mind.
Really?
Well, maybe I do stand a chance.
I don't see why not.
You're attractive to men,
yet no threat to women.
You know, when she talks,
E. F. Hutton listens.
Here's my uncle's card.
And, oh, by the way,
take one of mine.
Thank you.
Come on, Stephanie.
I've gotta get home.
Carl Sagan's on Cavett.
You might have a better chance
of getting a job
if you weren't so skinny.
Are you gonna call the station?
Well, you bet.
Oh, boy, isn't it wonderful, Pops?
I mean, today, little Mindy McConnell
for the local TV station.
Tomorrow, Fred Silverwoman.
- Oh, Mind.
- Hello, KTNS?
Yes, I understand
you have a job opening.
Oh, my name is Mindy McConnell,
and I'd be very interested
in coming down for an interview.
Oh, yeah, I can do that.
Oh, sure, I can do that.
Well, I can try to do that.
Okay, fine, tomorrow at 4.
Very good.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
What did he say, Mind?
All I could hear was:
Well, they said every now and then,
I'd have to be on camera.
I mean,
I've never been on camera before.
Oh, come on, Mind. I saw
those home movies when you were 2.
You're a natural.
Remember this one?
Thank you, miss, but we're looking
for someone with more experience.
Boy, this weather.
I just about missed my chance.
- My interview's at 4:00.
- Oh, mine's at 4:20. I'm early.
Yeah.
- You know, you look... No.
- You know, you look... No.
- It sure is crowded in here, huh?
- It sure is.
My name's Mindy McConnell.
Mine's Mandy McDonald.
- What a coincidence.
- Isn't it, though?
- I bet you're a journalism major too.
- Yeah, how'd you know?
Most of these girls here are.
Do you all travel as a group?
No, I bump into a lot of them
at these interviews.
You know,
there are only so many jobs.
Oh, you're telling me.
It isn't as rosy
as they lead you to believe in college.
Colorado State?
Almost. University of Colorado.
I graduated with honors.
Me too.
Good.
You don't happen to live with a guy
named Mork, do you?
Not anymore.
You know a Mork?
Oh, I thought you said Mark.
That's my old boyfriend.
Mark and Mandy.
Cute.
You know, it's amazing. You think
you're so special when you graduate,
then you get out in the world, and
you find you're just another perky face.
I don't believe this.
Next, McConnell, Mindy.
I'm McConnell... Mindy.
I mean, Mindy McConnell.
Miles Sternhagen.
I'm station manager of KTNS.
It's nice weather, isn't it?
No, it's snowing.
Right.
Miss McConnell,
what are your qualifications?
Oh, my qualifications.
Well, I graduated with honors
from the University of Colorado,
and I served three years
on the school newspaper,
and I was associate editor
of the yearbook.
Miss McConnell, have you ever had
any experience in the field?
No, but I really feel that...
Well, thank you very much,
but I'm looking for someone who has.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mr. Sternhagen,
but there's something I'd like to say.
Yes?
I know you've probably met
a lot of people like me.
Well, I'd like you to know
that I've certainly met
a lot of people like you too.
You all claim that you wanna hire
someone with experience,
and yet you'll never give any of us
the chance to get any.
I mean, you probably
wouldn't send a man to the moon,
because he hadn't been there
before.
Well, I may not be experienced,
but I'm intelligent, and capable,
and hard-working,
and I do a darn good job.
No, I do a damn good job.
Miss McConnell,
you believe in speaking your mind.
- Yes.
- That's why I fired the last girl.
Maybe I ought to take a chance on you
if you're willing to work for 200 a week.
- I'd do it for half that.
- Oh, no, that wouldn't be fair.
Let's make it 110.
I can't believe it.
You mean, you're hiring me?
- I don't even know what the job is.
- Well, it's not all that thrilling.
This is a small station.
Not like when I was at the network.
Then, when I turned down
Cronkite and Rather, well, it mattered.
That's why I'm here
in Denver's appendix.
But then, that's old business.
As far as the job goes,
Miss McConnell,
you'll do any number
of trivial odds and ends,
and fill in on camera
for whoever's not here.
Well, don't you wanna audition me
or anything?
You seem to have a lot of faith
in yourself.
We'll try you out on the air.
Tonight on the late news,
you'll do the weather report.
Dewey Fishbeck
is out with the croup.
Gee, tonight.
That just seems so soon.
I mean, I've never really done
too much of that kind of thing.
Well, that's all right.
If you're no good, I'll fire you.
Power is dizzying.
Well…
I promise you
you won't be sorry, Mr. Stainhergen.
That's Sternhagen,
and I'm already sorry.
No.
Doesn't Mork
wanna celebrate with us?
Oh, Mork doesn't drink champagne.
He feels it just perpetuates
cruelty to grapes.
Oh, he's such a little snuggle puss.
I wish I could buy one somewhere.
- I just love your choice of champagne.
- Oh, me too.
It's much better than the champagne
Remo gets for the restaurant.
That stuff comes in cans.
Well, I'd better be going
before the snow gets worse.
Now, Cathy and I'll be watching you
tonight, honey,
and I just can't wait to see
how you're gonna slip, "Hi, Dad"
into a weather report.
Oh, that man
is such a social lubricant.
So tell me, Mindy, what are you
gonna wear on the air tonight?
Wear?
Oh, I don't know,
just my regular Mindy clothes.
Jeanie, dear,
it doesn't matter what she wears.
It's what she projects.
Now, Mindy, you're going to be on
at 10:00 at night, right?
Well, if I were you,
I'd cater to the mood
of the late-night adult audience.
- How?
- Well…
Hello, Boulder.
Welcome to the Joy of Weather
by M.
We'll get to the weather later,
but first, I dance for you.
I wouldn't talk like that
on my honeymoon.
I don't know, I think maybe you should
just be yourself, you know, like:
"Hi, I'm Mindy.
Isn't the weather great?"
There's a real cute blizzard
out there,
"and don't you just wanna write
a thank-you note to Jack Frost?"
You know,
something like that, maybe.
Thanks.
Oh, would you look at that snow?
Oh, we'd better go, Jeanie.
Oh, I am so glad
I bought those Gucci snow tires.
Well, thanks for coming over,
you guys.
Mindy, they don't really make
Gucci snow tires, do they?
I hope not.
- Bye-bye, good luck.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
- We'll be watching you.
Hello, Boulder.
Welcome
to the Joy of Weather by…
Oh, God.
Are you Mindy McConnell?
Yes, I am.
And this is my friend, Mork.
- Hello.
- I'm Jake Loomis, the cameraman.
I'm surprised you got through.
Nobody else did.
The whole town's snowed in.
Well, I have a four-wheel-drive Jeep.
What do you mean, nobody's here?
Just me and the engineer.
Yep, I've been here all night.
Show business is my life.
- Who's...? Who's gonna do the news?
- Search me.
Hold on, Mind. Hold on a second.
He's clean, Mind.
I thought all the flakes were outside.
Whoever showed up
is supposed to call Sternhagen
here at this number right away.
The phone is behind the desk there.
Better hurry up.
The movie's almost over.
Oh, look, it's my favorite, Mind.
Benji Shaves His Legs.
Hello, Mr. Sternhagen?
Yes, this is Mindy McConnell.
Oh, I guess I'm the only one
that made it through the snow.
Well…
So I guess
we're not doing the news tonight?
Oh, no, no, I don't think...
No, no, no, I couldn't possibly...
I see.
Okay, I'll try.
Bye.
You handled that well, Mind.
Mork, he said that there's a
half an hour until the station signs off.
He doesn't wanna lose
his sponsors,
and he said he wants me
to fill the whole half hour all by myself.
- What am I gonna do?
- I don't know. I have to...
You're on in 15 seconds.
Here's the news and weather.
There's the camera. Don't blow it.
- Thanks, no pressure.
- Will you hold this for a second?
- Five, four, three…
- We've got news. We've got...
- Mork, give me those quickly.
- Oh, here, Mind, catch.
You're on.
Good evening.
I'm Mindy McConnell.
And tonight, I'll be bringing you
the news from all over.
A news report
has just been handed to me.
Thank you.
"Expected to be over by December."
And that's the news for tonight.
Another news bulletin
has just been handed to me.
"Thousands flee in terror as…"
"The pope blesses visitors
to the Vatican."
And that's the news.
Mork, help me.
- What'd you say, Mind?
- Help me.
Mork the Video Junkie to the rescue.
Hello, good evening.
Thank you very much,
Mindy McConnell.
Thank you.
Thanks for dropping in tonight.
Yes, hello.
We have the news
from Boulder, Colorado,
as we like to call it, the Mindy City.
And now for the news
with Walter Morkite.
Hello, I'm Walter Morkite
with Dan Mork in London,
Morkey Rather in Paris,
and Michael Mork
in women's clothes.
News flash from New York today.
Chase Manhattan Bank was robbed.
Here's a description as follows:
"Four stories high,
lots of bricks and plenty of glass."
Moving right along
to Washington, D.C.
"Today, President Ronald Reagan
replied"
to a group of hecklers by saying:
'What would this country be
without this great land of ours?'
He also stunned America in his
acceptance of the presidency by going:
'My fellow Americans... Line."'
Moving right along,
we go to Moscow.
But first we have...
Yes, we have the update.
We're gonna have the update
from San Salvador.
There's some physical unrest up there,
a little violence.
We have the actual footage of a riot
taking place in San Salvador.
Take it away.
We don't have the footage,
so this is what it would look like.
Moving right along,
also from Soviet Union.
"Shot-putter Olga Svets
finally agreed to talk to the press"
and deny the allegations that she has
been taking steroids all these years.
She replied by merely saying:
"She also said that her 80-inch bust
was merely hereditary."
Thank you, Olga.
And in the field of sports medicine,
another incredible breakthrough.
It's called
the Joe Garagiola School of Childbirth.
It happens in the operating room,
and it consists of a man
dressed in a catcher's mask
and mitt going:
Yo, baby. Right here, baby, yo.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you've got to believe in something
or you'll fall for anything. Yes.
I want to leave you. Got to go now.
But I want you to know
that you can fool some of the people
some of the time,
and the rest will watch.
So now
we have a brief spot announcement.
Thank you, Spot.
Thank you. Yes.
- We're off. Ten-second commercial.
- Oh, thank you.
Mork, we're doing great.
We only have a couple of minutes left.
I've got the weather report together.
You don't want me to help you
with it?
No, it's time I stood
on my own two feet.
- It's now or never.
- All right, Mind.
- Good luck, Mind.
- Thanks.
We're back on.
Good evening, everyone.
And here's the weather report
for Boulder and vicinity.
"We have a blizzard."
Heavy snow continuing tonight
and on through the weekend.
The present temperature
is 19 degrees
"with an expected low tonight of 8."
And that's it.
Boy, it sure is cold out.
How cold is it?
Well, it's so cold…
Well, it is the kind of weather
where you'd kind of like to curl up
with a nice cup of hot chocolate
and a good book,
and snuggle under a big warm quilt.
You know,
the kind your grandmother made.
It sure is.
It's hard to drive in the snow,
but it's a good time to go walk
and visit your neighbors.
You know,
maybe wave and say hello.
Sure, winter is harsh,
but what other time of year…?
What other time of year
can you celebrate Christmas,
and look forward to spring?
That's it?
Well, that's it, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Mindy McConnell,
and we'll be seeing you again.
Real soon.
Hopefully.
That's it. We're off the air. Good job.
- It was, wasn't it?
- Don't let it go to your head.
- Oh, Mind, you did it.
- I did all right.
I stood in front of all those people,
and I talked and it felt great.
- Oh, Mind.
- We did it.
- No.
- We actually filled the time.
No, you did it.
I was just the tail on the kite.
Oh, no. Can you believe it?
Oh, Mind, Mind, Mind.
Oh, Mork, it's Mr. Sternhagen.
- Mr. Sternhagen.
- How do you do, Mr. Sternhagen?
I'm Mork.
Well, have it your own way.
I got here as soon as I could.
You'd be surprised how fast
you can go with one foot on the floor
and your chin on the horn.
Sounds fun, Mind.
You know,
I thought that my career was over,
because we had nothing
to put on that…
…tube. Tube.
You may not believe this,
but these are the kinds of crises
that really used to get to me.
But no mo...
No mo...
Not now.
Did you enjoy
Mindy's weather forecast?
I never know what I enjoy
until the ratings come in.
I learned that a long time ago
when I was high.
In the network.
Well, do I get to keep the job?
Why...? Why...?
Why not?
You've pulled me through
a difficult time,
and I just can't thank you enough,
Miss McC...
Miss... Miss McC…
Miss McC...
And you too, Mr. Nee-tee, Noo-tee…
Hi. I got here as soon as I could.
Keep up the good work.
That's the type of leader
this country needs, Mind.
Believe me, Mork, he wasn't
like that when first I met him.
But who cares? He liked what I did.
I get to keep the job.
I guess those four years of college
really paid off.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, but not as much
as my three years of Mork.
Oh, shucks and wazoo.
Boy, you know, I really hate
to drive in this kind of snow.
Yeah, you're right.
It could be kind of dangerous.
Wait a minute. We'll get a ride
from Mr. Sternhagen. I'll go get him.
Don't take the car.
You'll kill yourself.
Yes.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Your Lardness.
That's not funny, Mork.
- I have a thyroid problem.
- Oh, yes, sir.
That and a truckload of mashed
potatoes will do it every time.
- Will you get on with it, Mork?
- Oh, yes, sir.
Sir, this week,
I learned about the concept of jobs.
After much searching and difficulty,
Mindy finally got one.
- But I thought she was a student.
- Oh, she's a very good one, sir.
But there's an old Earth saying:
Those who stay in college too long
die by degrees.
Why all the mountaineering gear,
Mork?
Oh, Beebs says it's to make you feel
at home, Your Matterhorniness.
You don't buy that one either?
Well, basically, sir, what it is
is a metaphor to symbolize the climb
that Mindy's just undertaken
to reach the peak of success.
- What does that mean in Orkan?
- Well, sir, I'll give it to you straight.
It means any Earthling who expects
a job when he gets out of college
is a victim of the abominable snow job.
You know?
Basically that there's no guarantee
that any Earthling who graduates
from college is gonna get a job
unless he can play basketball,
you know what I'm saying?
That doesn't seem fair, Mork.
It isn't, sir. It's like Tarzan said:
"It's a jungle out there, Jane."
You see, the old ones
are forced out of their jobs,
the young ones can't get in,
and the ones in the middle,
they all get ulcers
from working too hard.
But I've learned one thing, sir.
No matter how high the mountain
or how tall the task,
you have to take that first step
to reach the top.