Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 6 - Mork vs. Mindy - full transcript
Mork and Mindy compete to earn a job working for Nelson.
Nanu, nanu!
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MELLOW THEME PLAYING )
So, this is where you grew up?
Yep, I was born and raised
in this house.
Yeah, I could tell from
its cute little pug chimney.
You're really interested
in buying it, Mr. Bickley?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Why is your old man
trying to dump it?
My father is trying
to sell it, Mr. Bickley.
Hm.
With he and Grandma on the road all year
with the orchestra,
it's just standing here empty.
Sounds solid. Yep.
Does this place
have indoor plumbing?
Of course this place
has indoor plumbing.
A smart buyer learns
to ask the tough questions.
It's a terrific house.
Just look at it.
We're even fixing it up
a little bit.
That wallpaper looks new. Is it?
It is. Mm-hm.
Mork just put it up
this morning.
Didn't know the boy was handy.
You know, it's funny.
Somehow, this room
looks different to me.
Mork, are you here?
Here I am.
Why did you wallpaper the door?
Well, I didn't want to stop.
I was on a roll.
MORK: What do you think, Bick?
It's worthy of a photo layout
in House Bazaar.
Mr. Bickley, I promise,
by the time we're done,
this house'll be as good as new,
and you'll be able to enjoy it,
just as much as my family did.
Bick, what do you want
a house for?
I yearn for digs to call my own.
Let's be honest.
An apartment
is for wild young people.
But a house, on the other hand…
For wild old people.
♪ I., la-la… ♪
Miss McConnell, I just might
be interested in this place.
Oh. Mindy, that's wonderful.
One day on the market,
already we've got a sucker.
I guess that makes you
the suckee, huh?
Whoa, ho, ho!
We'll see about that.
How old is this house, anyway?
Well, it's been in my family
for about 80 years.
But it's been renovated
a couple of times.
Eighty years, huh?
I would imagine the original
owner must have paid, oh,
$2,000 or $3,000 for it.
Huh, yeah, probably.
Tell you what.
Because I know you,
I might even double that.
Look, Mr. Bickley,
this house means a lot to me.
I was born here,
and my mother died here.
I'm not even that sure
I want to sell it.
I think I should see
the other rooms,
before we dicker over moola.
Listen, why don't you
come back tomorrow, uh,
when everything's
more together, fixed up?
All right, I'll meet you here
tomorrow night at 7.
Call it impulse,
call it serendipity,
but I have a strong…
Nay, overpowering affinity
for this joint.
That's great.
Well, I have to get home, too.
I'm making dinner
for Jeanie tonight.
Mork, you stay here
and clean up.
Well, all right!
I'll stay here and clean up,
you go home and make dinner!
She likes it when
I talk rough to her.
Whoa.
( MELLOW THEME PLAYING )
Mindy, if it bothers you
that much to sell the house,
why don't you take it
off the market?
But my dad wants to sell it.
I mean, I understand why,
but, it's just…
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
I think the hardest thing
I ever had to do
was to refuse
a complete physical exam
from the chief resident
at the hospital.
It was in his Corvette.
( LAUGHS )
I'm still picking fiberglass
out of my clothes.
Oh, Jeanie,
why am I feeling like this?
I mean, it's just a house.
Well, it was your home, Mindy.
There is a big difference
between a house and a home.
Yeah, a house is…
bricks and wood siding,
and a home is memories.
Yeah, where you lick cookies
off a mixer blade.
Oh, yeah. You did that too?
Yeah.
I always had
to keep my eye on Remo,
so he wouldn't
turn the mixer on.
( LAUGHS )
There are a lot of memories
in my house.
I'm getting a little
sentimental here, right?
- After all, what is this?
- It's a business deal.
We're out to unload
some real estate.
But I am putting in the deal,
that no one is allowed
to sleep in my bedroom.
( LAUGHS )
Mork!
Mork, what is it?
( YELLING SHRILLY )
I think
something's troubling him.
Mork, will you come out?
Mork… ( SCREAMS )
Mork, will you come out,
and tell me what…
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing much.
Just your house tried
to attack me, that's all.
Oh, come on, Mork, now, really.
What do you mean,
"Come on, really," Mindy?
Mindy, I'm telling you
the truth.
Well, I was at the house,
and all of a sudden,
I was hanging wallpaper,
and the wind blew me
across the room… Shhh!
Then it got real cold.
Then it got real hot.
And then…
a swarm of bees came in.
( BUZZES )
Then a swarm of flies.
Zip, a-zip, zip, zip, zip
zip, zip, zip!
And then I ran flamboyantly,
screaming to the window.
Ahh, ahh, ahhhh!
And it slammed shut!
Then this
is the terrifying part.
I was standing there,
and the furniture
started attacking me! Yes!
A little ottoman,
and a little ottowoman too.
They were coming at me.
And the armchair couldn't
keep its hands to itself.
( SHRILL VOICE )
This is the really bad part.
A strange voice
came crying out…
"Get out of here!"
By the time it said "here,"
I was here.
Have you been hitting
the cream soda again?
No, Mindy, Mindy,
you gotta believe me.
You gotta believe me.
Believe you?
What am I supposed to believe,
that my house is haunted?
Oh, either that,
or I've lost my mind.
( LAUGHS MANIACALLY )
Maybe you better call
the police and ask them
to look for a little gray,
squishy thing.
Mork. Look, he could be right.
You know, there are case
histories of haunted houses.
It's a normal house.
I lived there for 20 years.
Mork, tomorrow
I'm going to take you
over to the house
in the light of day,
and you can see for yourself
that all those things
are just a product
of your overactive imagination.
Well, I have just one thing
to say to that, Mindy.
What? ( MOANS )
Oh!
MINDY: Look, everything is fine.
See? There's nothing
to worry about.
Mork, will you come
in here, please?
Evil spirit, begone!
In the name of Joe Garagiola,
Bowie Kuhn
and Dick Butkus, begone!
Mork, you are perfectly safe.
There's nothing to worry about.
And don't you feel a little
ridiculous in that getup?
Maybe I was
gonna wear it anyway, huh?
Now, I want you to take
a look around.
Do you see any flies?
Do you see any bees?
No, but they were here
last night.
Well, bugs get in sometimes.
Oh, yeah, big suckers
like that. Mm-hm.
How does that explain
the furniture's moving?
The bees
were underneath buzzing?
Sometimes a truck goes by,
and it moves things.
You sure? I'm positive.
"How the mind can wreak havoc
on one's sensibilities,
thereby dulling judgment."
Timothy Leary, 1978.
I mean, look at this place.
Everything is fine.
And even with the furniture
covered like this,
it still has a certain warmth.
See this chair?
My mother did the needlepoint
on this entire chair.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Did she crochet this stain too?
And see these marks on the door?
That was how tall I was,
each birthday,
from age 2 to 13.
We have the same thing on Ork,
except they tattoo it
on the back of our head.
No wonder I'm having
such a hard time
selling this place.
There's a little bit of me
and my family in every room.
Anyone would be lucky
to own a house like that.
Oh, that's so nice.
Thanks.
( GHOSTLY VOICE )
Get out of here.
Did you hear that?
Hope it was a truck.
Get out of heeere!
Mindy, I always believe,
that you must follow the advice
of the spirit world.
Let's take a hike!
Wait a minute.
It sounds like it's coming
from that closet.
That's wonderful. Let's talk
about that over tea in Wyoming.
No!
I'm not leaving.
This is my house.
Well, good luck, aim high.
Mork.
Get ooout of here.
Count to three
and open the door.
Right. 1, 2, 3.
No.
( WAILING SHRILLY )
Ahhh.
Hee, hee.
Ow… W… W… One.
Tw… Tw… Tw… Twooo.
T… T… T…
Three!
( GASPS )
You didn't get out of here.
That's not nice.
Exidor.
What are you doing here?
Vacationing.
But this is my house.
Of course.
You can't vacation
in your own house.
Be kind, she's riding on empty.
( BLOWS WHISTLE )
Out of the water!
Don't you see that fin?
I hate to burst
your very tiny bubble,
but this is not a resort.
It's a private home,
and that is a closet.
A closet? Mm-hmm. The vacation
is over, Exidor.
Over? Mm-hmm.
But I thought checkout time
wasn't until 12:00.
Out.
Out?
Moi?
Mm-hmm.
All right, boys, let's go!
This place is getting
too commercial.
Steinmatz!
I don't care
if it's not Labor Day,
your summer's over!
Well, I told you there
would be an explanation
for all those strange things
that were happening.
Well, you know something, Mindy?
Sometimes you're wise
beyond your dimples.
( LAUGHS )
- Thanks.
- Let's take a look around,
and see if there's
anything else we should do
- before the house is sold.
- Better do it quickly.
It's getting kinda chilly
in here. It is.
( OMINOUS THEME PLAYING )
( WIND BLOWING )
( GASPS )
( SHRILL LAUGHTER )
MORK: Let's get out of here!
( HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( SQUEAKING )
I just don't understand it.
I mean, there's gotta be
a logical explanation
for what we saw.
Oh, there is.
Your house is haunted.
( LAUGHS NERVOUSLY )
You know, if I were you,
I wouldn't talk about
this to anybody,
'cause you could find yourself
wearing a cute, white blazer
with the sleeves
that tie in the back.
Remo, I'm not imagining things.
We saw it, didn't we, Mork?
Mork?
( SCREAMS ):
Yes! Yes, it's horrid!
Oh!
Oh, there were ghosts in there.
Hundreds of 'em!
( SOBBING )
Will you…?
Will you get up, please?
Do you realize…?
Do you realize you're acting
with less than total dignity?
Oh.
Now, I want you to be cool.
Like Jack Nicholson.
( AS JACK NICHOLSON )
Damn straight. All right.
You gotta be fearless,
like Charles Bronson.
( AS CHARLES BRONSON )
Kill the women and children first.
Yeah, that's a boy!
( JEAN CLEARS THROAT )
Well, if you ask me,
you've disturbed
the spirit world.
Disturbed the spirit world? How?
Mindy, you're selling a house
that's been in your family
a very long time.
What a bag of Bandini!
( AS ROD STERLING )
There are things in the cosmos
that must go unexplained.
Mindy, I don't want
to upset you,
but after Mork told us
what went on in your house,
well, I did a little research,
and I found this old book
in the library.
"Colorado Legends."
( NORMAL VOICE ) Oh, intriguing.
Hoo, hoo! That's just bunk!
( CLEARS THROAT )
You recognize this?
Yeah, that looks like my house.
It is, in 1921.
But it was known then
as I. Follette House.
La Follette is my
mother's maiden name.
Well, this book says
that two sisters
built this home in 1894,
Lucinda and Deirdre I. Follette.
Lucinda and Deirdre?
They must have been my
great-great-aunts or something.
Well, according to this,
Lucinda was the older sister,
and she wasn't so attractive.
But she was madly in love
with this handsome,
young silver miner
named Harrison Monteith.
But he was in love with the
young and beautiful Deirdre.
Then, one night,
they found Harrison's body.
He'd been mysteriously poisoned,
but no one could prove
who did it.
After that, the sisters boarded
themselves up in the house,
and they were never seen again,
until the day they died.
Oh, that's great.
That happened in my house?
Yep. Terrific.
It could be that
Lucinda and Deirdre
don't want their house sold.
Which reminds me, we are
supposed to meet Mr. Bickley
at the house at 7.
Well, I'll tell you what.
You tell this story
to Mr. Bickley,
and you're gonna scare
the pants off of him.
No, I don't think so.
I think Mr. Bickley
will be amused
by this quaint little anecdote
as I was.
Well, we'll see you later.
So long.
BICKLEY: Mindy?
Mindy? Mork?
I'm here.
Okay.
Well, he's not here,
Mindy, let's go.
Mork, you're acting
like a child.
Now, will you get in here
and hold my hand?
Oh… they're still here, Mind.
I think I'm sensitive
to those people
that you can see through.
Well, everything
looks all right.
I wonder what ghosts do,
when they're not busy
scaring people.
( TOILET FLUSHES )
That's the last thing
I would have dreamed of.
( FOOTSTEPS )
Ahhh!
I was just testing the plumbing.
Oh!
Are you ready to show me
the rest of the house?
Oh, Bick, you don't
want to see it.
Mr. Bickley, there have been
some strange things happening
in this house.
What would you say if we told
you that it might be haunted?
I'd say you were trying
to cool my interest,
because you had a better
offer from an Arab.
Oh, no jive, Bick.
I mean, this house should be
moved to a padded neighborhood.
Hey, I don't go
for all that hooey.
I want this house.
Ahh!
Ahh! But not that much!
( SHRILL, MANIACAL LAUGHTER )
Oh, no!
Oh, oh!
Ha, ha, ha!
It's boarded up!
Mork, we're trapped!
Oh, Mindy,
something terrible
is happening to me.
( BOTH SCREAM )
Mork!
( AS LUCINDA ) Mork? Who's Mork?
I'm Lucinda.
Mork, will you cut it out?
We gotta get outta here.
You're not gonna
sell this house.
It's our home,
isn't it, Deirdre?
( AS DEIRDRE )
Whatever you say, Lucinda.
You're older, and you know more.
Mork, are you possessed?
( AS LUCINDA ) Possessed? Ahhh!
I'm repossessed!
No man's gonna ever
come between us again,
is it, Deirdre?
( AS DEIRDRE )
I don't know, Lucinda.
If I wasn't
so full of meshugaas,
you wouldn't say that to me.
( AS LUCINDA ) Well, you are,
and that's why I tied you up!
( KNOCK ON DOOR )
Oh, no, another intruder.
Come on, Deirdre.
I'll teach you
how to make that tea
that makes 'em
cough up the pancreas.
Come on in, girl.
( SINGING INDISTINCTLY )
Ahhhh!
Oh, Exidor!
Thank God
somebody normal is here.
It's all beginning
to make sense now.
You kicked me out,
so you could vacation
in there yourself.
No! You gotta help us!
I don't have time.
I'm late for the hukilau.
Just came by to pick up
my necessaries.
But you can't go.
Mork's in trouble.
You can't just leave.
I follow the sun!
I'm off to hang 12!
Oh, no, wait! Ohhhh!
Oh, look, we have
a gentleman caller.
( AS LUCINDA )
And he's a man. Let's waste him!
Oh! Ha, ha, ha!
How would you like
some gator tea, hmm?
( AS DEIRDRE ) Oh, hello.
You're so beautiful.
You look just like Harrison.
Oh, how would you like
to make a lonely ghost…
Phwoo…. Very happy?
Wow! The vacation
isn't a total loss.
I just met two chicks!
How'd you like to meet me
down at the beach?
( COYLY ) Oh! Oh!
Sorry.
Listen, we'll frolic
in the tidal pools,
and let the hermit crabs
have their way with us.
Aloha!
I'm off to the hukilau.
Come back, sailor.
Ohh.
I'm goin' with him, Lucinda.
( AS LUCINDA )
No, we'll both go!
( AS DEIRDRE )
But what if we go?
We'll never be able
to return back here
to belle rev.
( AS LUCINDA )
Come on, girl, let's party.
Come on, now!
Haaaa!
Whew!
( NORMAL VOICE )
They're gone, Mindy.
Oh, Mork, you're all right!
Oh!
Wow. It's not easy
having body guests.
Everything's all right now.
I think they're gone.
Look, the boards
are off the window,
and it's not cold
in here anymore.
Oh, Mindy.
You gotta get rid of this house.
You gotta sell it,
ditch it, burn it.
Oh, Mork. How can I?
In… In spite of what's
happened, it's…
It's my house. It's my past.
What's wrong?
Remember I told you I was…
I was sensitive
to those spirits?
Well, we're not alone.
Oh, no. We're not?
There's another spirit in here.
Oh.
It's a gentle one, though.
I think it wants to talk to you.
Oh, no.
( GENTLE VOICE )
I remember my little daughter
playing peek-a-boo
behind this chair,
after she had made
that caterpillar
out of the egg carton.
Mom?
Remember that time,
you put your daddy's
underwear on the puppy?
Mom, is that you?
Mom, are you all right?
Oh, yes, dear, I'm fine.
There's so many things
I want to ask,
but I don't know where to start.
It's all right, darling.
But I don't have much time,
and there's something
that I need to tell you.
Do you remember
that old teddy bear
that you loved so much,
and you… You hugged it
till it was smooth
and the stuffing was coming out,
and the eyes were gone,
but you still didn't want
to give it up?
Yeah, but I don't understand
what this has to do with…
But, dear,
you finally outgrew it.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong
with giving up things
that you've outgrown.
Goodbye, dear.
Do you have to go?
Yes, but don't worry, darling.
Wherever you are,
I'll always be with you.
( SOBS ): I love you, Mom.
( NORMAL VOICE )
Mind, the spirit's gone.
Yes, she has.
Oh, Mork, that was my mother.
Oh, Mind.
What did she say to you?
( SNIFFS )
She told me a story
about my teddy bear.
( SNIFFS )
But I don't think
she was talking about the bear,
as much as she was talking
about this house.
You know, Mork, it's…
It's really tough
to let go of something you love,
especially when there were
so many memories created here.
But now I realize
that… the memories
that are living in this
house are living in me,
and they always will.
Oh, Mindy.
Well, maybe you and I can
create some more memories
to keep them company.
Oh.
( SNIFFLES )
( CREAKING )
( SENTIMENTAL THEME PLAYING )
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
ORSON: Mork. Sir.
Why are you wearing that
strange cranial covering?
Well, it's for protection, sir,
but it's all explained
in my report.
Do you have an interesting
report this week?
Oh, indeed I do, O portly one,
and it's all in rhyme,
to make it fun.
I went to fix up Mindy's house.
I was quiet as a mouse.
When suddenly,
The house was shaking!
It wasn't San Andreas quaking.
The room filled with flies,
Nyoom, and bees, nyaagh,
And scared me Out of my B.V.Ds.
Whoop!
And a voice told me…
"Get out of here."
I said, "uh, uh," in fear.
I ran to Mindy's willy-nilly.
They all told me that
I was silly.
"There's no such thing
As ghosts," said she,
And pried my arms
From around her knee.
I swore to her
That there was a spirit,
And took her to the house
To hear it.
Then we got the explanation.
It was my friend Exidor,
On vacation.
I said he was a silly goose,
And then all hell broke loose!
"La la la," said Mr. Bickley.
A moment later,
He turned sickly.
Then we found out
Why the house was cold.
It was unwilling to be sold.
What's the moral of this poem?
That there's no place
Like your ho-em.
ORSON: Thank you, Mork.
I liked your rhyme.
Thank you, sir.
Nanu, until next time.
Then we'll meet
in a warmer clime.
Get together and have…
Thank you, Mork.
Next.
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MELLOW THEME PLAYING )
So, this is where you grew up?
Yep, I was born and raised
in this house.
Yeah, I could tell from
its cute little pug chimney.
You're really interested
in buying it, Mr. Bickley?
Maybe yes, maybe no.
Why is your old man
trying to dump it?
My father is trying
to sell it, Mr. Bickley.
Hm.
With he and Grandma on the road all year
with the orchestra,
it's just standing here empty.
Sounds solid. Yep.
Does this place
have indoor plumbing?
Of course this place
has indoor plumbing.
A smart buyer learns
to ask the tough questions.
It's a terrific house.
Just look at it.
We're even fixing it up
a little bit.
That wallpaper looks new. Is it?
It is. Mm-hm.
Mork just put it up
this morning.
Didn't know the boy was handy.
You know, it's funny.
Somehow, this room
looks different to me.
Mork, are you here?
Here I am.
Why did you wallpaper the door?
Well, I didn't want to stop.
I was on a roll.
MORK: What do you think, Bick?
It's worthy of a photo layout
in House Bazaar.
Mr. Bickley, I promise,
by the time we're done,
this house'll be as good as new,
and you'll be able to enjoy it,
just as much as my family did.
Bick, what do you want
a house for?
I yearn for digs to call my own.
Let's be honest.
An apartment
is for wild young people.
But a house, on the other hand…
For wild old people.
♪ I., la-la… ♪
Miss McConnell, I just might
be interested in this place.
Oh. Mindy, that's wonderful.
One day on the market,
already we've got a sucker.
I guess that makes you
the suckee, huh?
Whoa, ho, ho!
We'll see about that.
How old is this house, anyway?
Well, it's been in my family
for about 80 years.
But it's been renovated
a couple of times.
Eighty years, huh?
I would imagine the original
owner must have paid, oh,
$2,000 or $3,000 for it.
Huh, yeah, probably.
Tell you what.
Because I know you,
I might even double that.
Look, Mr. Bickley,
this house means a lot to me.
I was born here,
and my mother died here.
I'm not even that sure
I want to sell it.
I think I should see
the other rooms,
before we dicker over moola.
Listen, why don't you
come back tomorrow, uh,
when everything's
more together, fixed up?
All right, I'll meet you here
tomorrow night at 7.
Call it impulse,
call it serendipity,
but I have a strong…
Nay, overpowering affinity
for this joint.
That's great.
Well, I have to get home, too.
I'm making dinner
for Jeanie tonight.
Mork, you stay here
and clean up.
Well, all right!
I'll stay here and clean up,
you go home and make dinner!
She likes it when
I talk rough to her.
Whoa.
( MELLOW THEME PLAYING )
Mindy, if it bothers you
that much to sell the house,
why don't you take it
off the market?
But my dad wants to sell it.
I mean, I understand why,
but, it's just…
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
I think the hardest thing
I ever had to do
was to refuse
a complete physical exam
from the chief resident
at the hospital.
It was in his Corvette.
( LAUGHS )
I'm still picking fiberglass
out of my clothes.
Oh, Jeanie,
why am I feeling like this?
I mean, it's just a house.
Well, it was your home, Mindy.
There is a big difference
between a house and a home.
Yeah, a house is…
bricks and wood siding,
and a home is memories.
Yeah, where you lick cookies
off a mixer blade.
Oh, yeah. You did that too?
Yeah.
I always had
to keep my eye on Remo,
so he wouldn't
turn the mixer on.
( LAUGHS )
There are a lot of memories
in my house.
I'm getting a little
sentimental here, right?
- After all, what is this?
- It's a business deal.
We're out to unload
some real estate.
But I am putting in the deal,
that no one is allowed
to sleep in my bedroom.
( LAUGHS )
Mork!
Mork, what is it?
( YELLING SHRILLY )
I think
something's troubling him.
Mork, will you come out?
Mork… ( SCREAMS )
Mork, will you come out,
and tell me what…
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing much.
Just your house tried
to attack me, that's all.
Oh, come on, Mork, now, really.
What do you mean,
"Come on, really," Mindy?
Mindy, I'm telling you
the truth.
Well, I was at the house,
and all of a sudden,
I was hanging wallpaper,
and the wind blew me
across the room… Shhh!
Then it got real cold.
Then it got real hot.
And then…
a swarm of bees came in.
( BUZZES )
Then a swarm of flies.
Zip, a-zip, zip, zip, zip
zip, zip, zip!
And then I ran flamboyantly,
screaming to the window.
Ahh, ahh, ahhhh!
And it slammed shut!
Then this
is the terrifying part.
I was standing there,
and the furniture
started attacking me! Yes!
A little ottoman,
and a little ottowoman too.
They were coming at me.
And the armchair couldn't
keep its hands to itself.
( SHRILL VOICE )
This is the really bad part.
A strange voice
came crying out…
"Get out of here!"
By the time it said "here,"
I was here.
Have you been hitting
the cream soda again?
No, Mindy, Mindy,
you gotta believe me.
You gotta believe me.
Believe you?
What am I supposed to believe,
that my house is haunted?
Oh, either that,
or I've lost my mind.
( LAUGHS MANIACALLY )
Maybe you better call
the police and ask them
to look for a little gray,
squishy thing.
Mork. Look, he could be right.
You know, there are case
histories of haunted houses.
It's a normal house.
I lived there for 20 years.
Mork, tomorrow
I'm going to take you
over to the house
in the light of day,
and you can see for yourself
that all those things
are just a product
of your overactive imagination.
Well, I have just one thing
to say to that, Mindy.
What? ( MOANS )
Oh!
MINDY: Look, everything is fine.
See? There's nothing
to worry about.
Mork, will you come
in here, please?
Evil spirit, begone!
In the name of Joe Garagiola,
Bowie Kuhn
and Dick Butkus, begone!
Mork, you are perfectly safe.
There's nothing to worry about.
And don't you feel a little
ridiculous in that getup?
Maybe I was
gonna wear it anyway, huh?
Now, I want you to take
a look around.
Do you see any flies?
Do you see any bees?
No, but they were here
last night.
Well, bugs get in sometimes.
Oh, yeah, big suckers
like that. Mm-hm.
How does that explain
the furniture's moving?
The bees
were underneath buzzing?
Sometimes a truck goes by,
and it moves things.
You sure? I'm positive.
"How the mind can wreak havoc
on one's sensibilities,
thereby dulling judgment."
Timothy Leary, 1978.
I mean, look at this place.
Everything is fine.
And even with the furniture
covered like this,
it still has a certain warmth.
See this chair?
My mother did the needlepoint
on this entire chair.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Did she crochet this stain too?
And see these marks on the door?
That was how tall I was,
each birthday,
from age 2 to 13.
We have the same thing on Ork,
except they tattoo it
on the back of our head.
No wonder I'm having
such a hard time
selling this place.
There's a little bit of me
and my family in every room.
Anyone would be lucky
to own a house like that.
Oh, that's so nice.
Thanks.
( GHOSTLY VOICE )
Get out of here.
Did you hear that?
Hope it was a truck.
Get out of heeere!
Mindy, I always believe,
that you must follow the advice
of the spirit world.
Let's take a hike!
Wait a minute.
It sounds like it's coming
from that closet.
That's wonderful. Let's talk
about that over tea in Wyoming.
No!
I'm not leaving.
This is my house.
Well, good luck, aim high.
Mork.
Get ooout of here.
Count to three
and open the door.
Right. 1, 2, 3.
No.
( WAILING SHRILLY )
Ahhh.
Hee, hee.
Ow… W… W… One.
Tw… Tw… Tw… Twooo.
T… T… T…
Three!
( GASPS )
You didn't get out of here.
That's not nice.
Exidor.
What are you doing here?
Vacationing.
But this is my house.
Of course.
You can't vacation
in your own house.
Be kind, she's riding on empty.
( BLOWS WHISTLE )
Out of the water!
Don't you see that fin?
I hate to burst
your very tiny bubble,
but this is not a resort.
It's a private home,
and that is a closet.
A closet? Mm-hmm. The vacation
is over, Exidor.
Over? Mm-hmm.
But I thought checkout time
wasn't until 12:00.
Out.
Out?
Moi?
Mm-hmm.
All right, boys, let's go!
This place is getting
too commercial.
Steinmatz!
I don't care
if it's not Labor Day,
your summer's over!
Well, I told you there
would be an explanation
for all those strange things
that were happening.
Well, you know something, Mindy?
Sometimes you're wise
beyond your dimples.
( LAUGHS )
- Thanks.
- Let's take a look around,
and see if there's
anything else we should do
- before the house is sold.
- Better do it quickly.
It's getting kinda chilly
in here. It is.
( OMINOUS THEME PLAYING )
( WIND BLOWING )
( GASPS )
( SHRILL LAUGHTER )
MORK: Let's get out of here!
( HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( SQUEAKING )
I just don't understand it.
I mean, there's gotta be
a logical explanation
for what we saw.
Oh, there is.
Your house is haunted.
( LAUGHS NERVOUSLY )
You know, if I were you,
I wouldn't talk about
this to anybody,
'cause you could find yourself
wearing a cute, white blazer
with the sleeves
that tie in the back.
Remo, I'm not imagining things.
We saw it, didn't we, Mork?
Mork?
( SCREAMS ):
Yes! Yes, it's horrid!
Oh!
Oh, there were ghosts in there.
Hundreds of 'em!
( SOBBING )
Will you…?
Will you get up, please?
Do you realize…?
Do you realize you're acting
with less than total dignity?
Oh.
Now, I want you to be cool.
Like Jack Nicholson.
( AS JACK NICHOLSON )
Damn straight. All right.
You gotta be fearless,
like Charles Bronson.
( AS CHARLES BRONSON )
Kill the women and children first.
Yeah, that's a boy!
( JEAN CLEARS THROAT )
Well, if you ask me,
you've disturbed
the spirit world.
Disturbed the spirit world? How?
Mindy, you're selling a house
that's been in your family
a very long time.
What a bag of Bandini!
( AS ROD STERLING )
There are things in the cosmos
that must go unexplained.
Mindy, I don't want
to upset you,
but after Mork told us
what went on in your house,
well, I did a little research,
and I found this old book
in the library.
"Colorado Legends."
( NORMAL VOICE ) Oh, intriguing.
Hoo, hoo! That's just bunk!
( CLEARS THROAT )
You recognize this?
Yeah, that looks like my house.
It is, in 1921.
But it was known then
as I. Follette House.
La Follette is my
mother's maiden name.
Well, this book says
that two sisters
built this home in 1894,
Lucinda and Deirdre I. Follette.
Lucinda and Deirdre?
They must have been my
great-great-aunts or something.
Well, according to this,
Lucinda was the older sister,
and she wasn't so attractive.
But she was madly in love
with this handsome,
young silver miner
named Harrison Monteith.
But he was in love with the
young and beautiful Deirdre.
Then, one night,
they found Harrison's body.
He'd been mysteriously poisoned,
but no one could prove
who did it.
After that, the sisters boarded
themselves up in the house,
and they were never seen again,
until the day they died.
Oh, that's great.
That happened in my house?
Yep. Terrific.
It could be that
Lucinda and Deirdre
don't want their house sold.
Which reminds me, we are
supposed to meet Mr. Bickley
at the house at 7.
Well, I'll tell you what.
You tell this story
to Mr. Bickley,
and you're gonna scare
the pants off of him.
No, I don't think so.
I think Mr. Bickley
will be amused
by this quaint little anecdote
as I was.
Well, we'll see you later.
So long.
BICKLEY: Mindy?
Mindy? Mork?
I'm here.
Okay.
Well, he's not here,
Mindy, let's go.
Mork, you're acting
like a child.
Now, will you get in here
and hold my hand?
Oh… they're still here, Mind.
I think I'm sensitive
to those people
that you can see through.
Well, everything
looks all right.
I wonder what ghosts do,
when they're not busy
scaring people.
( TOILET FLUSHES )
That's the last thing
I would have dreamed of.
( FOOTSTEPS )
Ahhh!
I was just testing the plumbing.
Oh!
Are you ready to show me
the rest of the house?
Oh, Bick, you don't
want to see it.
Mr. Bickley, there have been
some strange things happening
in this house.
What would you say if we told
you that it might be haunted?
I'd say you were trying
to cool my interest,
because you had a better
offer from an Arab.
Oh, no jive, Bick.
I mean, this house should be
moved to a padded neighborhood.
Hey, I don't go
for all that hooey.
I want this house.
Ahh!
Ahh! But not that much!
( SHRILL, MANIACAL LAUGHTER )
Oh, no!
Oh, oh!
Ha, ha, ha!
It's boarded up!
Mork, we're trapped!
Oh, Mindy,
something terrible
is happening to me.
( BOTH SCREAM )
Mork!
( AS LUCINDA ) Mork? Who's Mork?
I'm Lucinda.
Mork, will you cut it out?
We gotta get outta here.
You're not gonna
sell this house.
It's our home,
isn't it, Deirdre?
( AS DEIRDRE )
Whatever you say, Lucinda.
You're older, and you know more.
Mork, are you possessed?
( AS LUCINDA ) Possessed? Ahhh!
I'm repossessed!
No man's gonna ever
come between us again,
is it, Deirdre?
( AS DEIRDRE )
I don't know, Lucinda.
If I wasn't
so full of meshugaas,
you wouldn't say that to me.
( AS LUCINDA ) Well, you are,
and that's why I tied you up!
( KNOCK ON DOOR )
Oh, no, another intruder.
Come on, Deirdre.
I'll teach you
how to make that tea
that makes 'em
cough up the pancreas.
Come on in, girl.
( SINGING INDISTINCTLY )
Ahhhh!
Oh, Exidor!
Thank God
somebody normal is here.
It's all beginning
to make sense now.
You kicked me out,
so you could vacation
in there yourself.
No! You gotta help us!
I don't have time.
I'm late for the hukilau.
Just came by to pick up
my necessaries.
But you can't go.
Mork's in trouble.
You can't just leave.
I follow the sun!
I'm off to hang 12!
Oh, no, wait! Ohhhh!
Oh, look, we have
a gentleman caller.
( AS LUCINDA )
And he's a man. Let's waste him!
Oh! Ha, ha, ha!
How would you like
some gator tea, hmm?
( AS DEIRDRE ) Oh, hello.
You're so beautiful.
You look just like Harrison.
Oh, how would you like
to make a lonely ghost…
Phwoo…. Very happy?
Wow! The vacation
isn't a total loss.
I just met two chicks!
How'd you like to meet me
down at the beach?
( COYLY ) Oh! Oh!
Sorry.
Listen, we'll frolic
in the tidal pools,
and let the hermit crabs
have their way with us.
Aloha!
I'm off to the hukilau.
Come back, sailor.
Ohh.
I'm goin' with him, Lucinda.
( AS LUCINDA )
No, we'll both go!
( AS DEIRDRE )
But what if we go?
We'll never be able
to return back here
to belle rev.
( AS LUCINDA )
Come on, girl, let's party.
Come on, now!
Haaaa!
Whew!
( NORMAL VOICE )
They're gone, Mindy.
Oh, Mork, you're all right!
Oh!
Wow. It's not easy
having body guests.
Everything's all right now.
I think they're gone.
Look, the boards
are off the window,
and it's not cold
in here anymore.
Oh, Mindy.
You gotta get rid of this house.
You gotta sell it,
ditch it, burn it.
Oh, Mork. How can I?
In… In spite of what's
happened, it's…
It's my house. It's my past.
What's wrong?
Remember I told you I was…
I was sensitive
to those spirits?
Well, we're not alone.
Oh, no. We're not?
There's another spirit in here.
Oh.
It's a gentle one, though.
I think it wants to talk to you.
Oh, no.
( GENTLE VOICE )
I remember my little daughter
playing peek-a-boo
behind this chair,
after she had made
that caterpillar
out of the egg carton.
Mom?
Remember that time,
you put your daddy's
underwear on the puppy?
Mom, is that you?
Mom, are you all right?
Oh, yes, dear, I'm fine.
There's so many things
I want to ask,
but I don't know where to start.
It's all right, darling.
But I don't have much time,
and there's something
that I need to tell you.
Do you remember
that old teddy bear
that you loved so much,
and you… You hugged it
till it was smooth
and the stuffing was coming out,
and the eyes were gone,
but you still didn't want
to give it up?
Yeah, but I don't understand
what this has to do with…
But, dear,
you finally outgrew it.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong
with giving up things
that you've outgrown.
Goodbye, dear.
Do you have to go?
Yes, but don't worry, darling.
Wherever you are,
I'll always be with you.
( SOBS ): I love you, Mom.
( NORMAL VOICE )
Mind, the spirit's gone.
Yes, she has.
Oh, Mork, that was my mother.
Oh, Mind.
What did she say to you?
( SNIFFS )
She told me a story
about my teddy bear.
( SNIFFS )
But I don't think
she was talking about the bear,
as much as she was talking
about this house.
You know, Mork, it's…
It's really tough
to let go of something you love,
especially when there were
so many memories created here.
But now I realize
that… the memories
that are living in this
house are living in me,
and they always will.
Oh, Mindy.
Well, maybe you and I can
create some more memories
to keep them company.
Oh.
( SNIFFLES )
( CREAKING )
( SENTIMENTAL THEME PLAYING )
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
ORSON: Mork. Sir.
Why are you wearing that
strange cranial covering?
Well, it's for protection, sir,
but it's all explained
in my report.
Do you have an interesting
report this week?
Oh, indeed I do, O portly one,
and it's all in rhyme,
to make it fun.
I went to fix up Mindy's house.
I was quiet as a mouse.
When suddenly,
The house was shaking!
It wasn't San Andreas quaking.
The room filled with flies,
Nyoom, and bees, nyaagh,
And scared me Out of my B.V.Ds.
Whoop!
And a voice told me…
"Get out of here."
I said, "uh, uh," in fear.
I ran to Mindy's willy-nilly.
They all told me that
I was silly.
"There's no such thing
As ghosts," said she,
And pried my arms
From around her knee.
I swore to her
That there was a spirit,
And took her to the house
To hear it.
Then we got the explanation.
It was my friend Exidor,
On vacation.
I said he was a silly goose,
And then all hell broke loose!
"La la la," said Mr. Bickley.
A moment later,
He turned sickly.
Then we found out
Why the house was cold.
It was unwilling to be sold.
What's the moral of this poem?
That there's no place
Like your ho-em.
ORSON: Thank you, Mork.
I liked your rhyme.
Thank you, sir.
Nanu, until next time.
Then we'll meet
in a warmer clime.
Get together and have…
Thank you, Mork.
Next.
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )