Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 21 - Jeanie Loves Mork - full transcript
Mindy takes a job writing the Miss Lonely Hearts newspaper column and unknowingly encourages Jean to pursue a romantic relationship with Mork.
MORK: Nanu, nanu!
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MOROSELY )
Oh, Mind, I'm so excited.
You are?
Yes, can't you tell?
Hey, nonny nonny,
and a ha-cha-cha.
Sit down and tell me
all about it.
Oh. I just finished talking
to Orson about vacations.
I really need to get away.
Yeah, you have been
kind of dragged out lately.
Like yesterday when you
fell asleep jogging.
Observing your planet
is really hard work.
I've worn out
two pairs of eyes already.
I'm glad you don't do that
when we have people over.
It's been so long
since I've had a real vacation.
Well, what about that time
at the lake?
( GROANS )
Uh, I guess that wasn't so hot,
was it?
No, it wasn't very much fun.
But I did learn
and important lesson though.
Oh, yeah? What was that?
That I can't breathe underwater.
Gave me a lot of admiration
for Shamu.
Why are all our vacations
so full of surprises?
I don't know.
I thought going to Exidor's
cabin would be nice.
I mean, who knew
it didn't have any windows?
Or walls. Or a roof.
A distinct disadvantage
in a blizzard.
That's why I took you
to the desert, to thaw out.
Yeah. To that nude ranch.
Dude ranch.
At least the rooms were nice.
Yeah, the weather was nice too.
Come to think of it,
that was the nicest vacation
we ever had.
( DREAMY THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MORK GROANING )
I guess I never
should have taken you
horseback riding, huh?
It was lots of fun,
Mind, really,
except for when
I fell off the horse
and he dragged me for two miles.
Why didn't you let go?
Well, at $12 an hour,
it didn't seem right.
I just wish he hadn't
dragged you through the cactus.
Yeah, me too.
Aah, aah. Ah-ha-ha.
( YELLING )
I guess we didn't get 'em all.
Ohh.
Oh, believe me, Mork,
this is supposed to be
one of the finest vacation
spots in New Mexico.
Aah, ahh!
I believe you, Mind.
I mean, two million scorpions
can't be wrong.
I just feel so bad for you.
Look at you. You've been
bruised, battered, beaten…
Ow! Ahh!
( GROANING )
- I forgot about sunburned.
- Let me look at it.
Ohh. Ahh.
Well, it's better
than yesterday.
Mind, I was once on the sun
and didn't get
this badly burned.
Honest, Mork, people usually
have a great time
when they come
to a place like this.
Mindy, can I ask you
one question? Sure.
How?
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, come in.
Howdy, buckaroos!
I'm Ricky Day,
activity director here
at the old lazy Hacienda.
You know what's coming up
in 10 minutes?
Shuffleboard!
Whoa, yay, shuffleboard!
What's that?
Oh, you're gonna love it,
cowpoke.
We just need two more
for the big tournament.
Oh. How many do you have now?
None.
Then at 3:00, it's a long hike
out into the desert.
You know what
you're gonna see there?
The bones of yesterday's hikers.
And then it's a quick jog back
for the chili-eating contest,
and then an even quicker jog
over to
the arts-and-crafts center.
Wouldn't you like
to make a lanyard?
Oh, Lordy!
I guess it's a lot better
than buying one.
I made this one for my wife.
Sure takes the pressure
out of holiday gift-giving.
Gee, Mr. Day,
these things sound
like a lot of fun…
They do?
But right now I think
Mork and I would like to rest.
Rest? On vacation?
Oh, ho-ho. Hey, I got you.
Well, you have fun
resting, Mork.
Aah!
Ha-ha-ha-aahh!
Oh, uh, say, folks,
if you can rouse yourself up,
don't miss the big slide show
in the rec room tonight,
Dale Evans, the Early Years.
( DOOR CLOSES )
Well, Mind,
I'll be a good sport.
I'll shuffle boards with you.
I'll make you an ashtray.
Oh, Mork, what do
you want to do?
Aah.
Go home.
I thought you'd never ask.
( DREAMY THEME PLAYING )
Mind, I finally figured out
why that vacation
was gopher gunk.
I didn't go far enough away
from where I work.
Mork, we drove
all the way to New Mexico.
No, I mean really away.
I mean, I've talked to Orson,
and I've gotta go
to another planet
far, far, far away.
You're gonna leave Earth?
Where are you gonna go?
Well, I've written up
a little itinerary.
The planet Murrowr?
Well, they say it's got
a great nightlife.
Planet Hmm-Hmm-Hmm?
Yep, yep, yep.
It's a party planet, Mind.
The fun and frolic
never stop there,
and the atmosphere
is 98 percent nitrous oxide.
I'm sorry I can't
take you along, Mind.
Well, I have to go
to school anyway.
And I guess
it's more important that you
go on the vacation
that's right for you.
Oh, thanks, Mind.
Oh. Oh.
Take good care of my body.
Your body?
Well, yes. See,
when we Orkans go on trips,
our mind and spirit leave
and we leave our body behind.
Wait a minute.
You mean you're saying that
your body's gonna stay here,
and the rest is going
somewhere else?
Yes, we Orkans
like to travel light.
Wait, you mean you're
going on vacation,
and what I'll have here
is an empty shell?
No, no, only until my mind
checks into another body
on another planet,
and his mind checks
into my body.
It's kind of like
house swapping.
That's incredible.
You mean I'm gonna have
some creature from outer space
living here with me?
No, two of them.
Yeah, but what if they're
strange? Like an alien?
What, you mean like: ( BLEATS )
Yeah, like that.
No, Mind. I'm only going
to Earth-like planets,
and nothing in the brochure
said anything about Mindavores.
Mork, I'm gonna miss you.
Oh, I'm gonna
miss you too, Mind.
I hope you have a good time.
Why, I'll try.
I've written up a little
inventory of my body here
so none of the guests can
run away with the good parts.
Check once in a while
and make sure nothing's missing.
Especially that one.
Yeah.
Um, well, when are you leaving?
Now. Bye. ( BEEPING )
Wait. How long are you
gonna be gone?
Mork? Mork?
Oh. This is very weird.
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWING )
( MEOWING )
Darn cats.
( MEOWING )
It sounds like
it's coming from in here.
( HISSES )
( SCREECHING )
I don't believe it.
He went to a cat planet?
Planet Murrowr.
( MEOWS ): Murrowr.
Oh, that's right.
Great night life.
Oh. Well, uh,
welcome to Boulder, kitty. Yeah.
No, no, bad, bad.
( HISSES )
( MEOWING )
There…
Hey, you're kind of cute.
( MEOWS )
Ooh.
I hope you don't shed.
I used to have a cat
when I was a kid.
It wasn't this big, though.
You must be tired
from your trip.
I'll get you something to eat.
You like some milk?
( MEOWS )
Whoa, whoa, down, down.
( MEOWS )
Okay, never mind.
There.
Nice kitty.
Yeah.
Oh.
I'd like to play with you
some more,
but I've got an early class,
and I've gotta get ready.
( MISCHIEVOUS THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWS )
Boy, are the neighborhood birds
in for a surprise.
( HACKING )
Well, I guess it saves on soap.
What do cats like?
What do cats like?
Warm. So I'll turn up the heat.
Oh, I know.
( MEOWS )
Sure am glad I saved this box.
Kitty, right there. Good. Good.
Okay, so I guess
I'll see you a little later.
Be good. ( MEOWS )
Yeah. Hmm. Bye.
( MEOWING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Anybody home?
Mork, I'm late for work,
so I've gotta make this quick.
I didn't wake you up, did I?
( MEOWS ) Sorry.
You know, Mindy told
Jean and I to tell her
when our mom was
coming in town from New York
'cause she wanted to have
us all over for dinner, and…
We'd like to make it tonight.
Wow, it's hot in here, huh?
Hey, I'll open a window, okay?
Um, hey, Mork,
don't forget to tell Mindy
about dinner tonight.
( MEOWS )
Yeah, I'm that way
in the morning too.
( SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWS )
( SCREECHES )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
Hi, I'm back.
I got you the biggest one
I could find.
Mork.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Oh, no!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty!
Oh.
Not you, Irving. Go home.
Oh, what am I gonna do now?
I can't call the police.
They're gonna think I'm crazy.
Who can I get to help me?
It's worth a try, I guess.
Uh, Mindy calling Orson.
Mindy calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Yo, your fattitude!
I didn't think it would work.
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, Mork, I hope that's you.
Hi, are you Mindy McConnell?
Uh-huh. This is the place.
Oh.
A dog chased him up a tree.
Man, I wish
I could climb like that.
He hasn't moved in 20 minutes.
That poodle sure
must have scared him.
We found this note
in his pocket.
"Property of Mindy McConnell."
That's me,
and at the right address.
Well, thanks, you guys.
I was really worried about him.
Where do you want him?
Oh, right there's fine.
Well, goodbye, Miss McConnell.
Bye. Oh, can I give
you boys anything?
Oh, no, thank you.
Just cut his nails before
you let him out next time.
He likes to scratch.
Is this your boyfriend?
Uh, yeah.
Gee, and you seem like
such a normal girl.
Goodbye.
Oh, Mork, are you all right?
You look all right.
Oh, boy, Mork, I know how much
this vacation meant to you,
but I wish you could have
taken your body with you.
( BEEPING )
Oh, hi. Are you dangerous?
You tell me.
( LAUGHING )
Whoa! Oh, you got it.
( LAUGHING ) Wait.
Oh, oh. Let go of me.
Oh, I know you may find me
a little grotesque
in my present form,
but where I come from,
I have six arms and a propeller.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
You, uh…
You must be from the planet
Hmm-Hmm-Hmm.
No, that's: Heh-Heh-Heh.
Oh. Whoa.
( SHRIEKS )
( LAUGHING )
You know,
I came here to have a good time.
Yeah? Well, great.
You can call me 12.
Twelve?
On a scale of one to ten,
I'm a 12.
( LAUGHING )
Oh-ho-ho.
I'm glad you feel…
Yeah…. Welcome on your trip,
but I'm not one
of the tourist attractions.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
Oh, uh…
Uhh. Yeah.
Mmm.
Oh, no. Shh! Shh!
There's so little time
and so much to sniff.
Yeah.
Oh, will you look at
these grotesque
body wrappings? Eww!
Do you have anything else
I can wear here?
Uh, there's a lot more upstairs,
but they all look like that.
Oh! No wonder they say
never swap bodies with an Orkan.
Come here. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Mwah! I told you to stop that.
( LAUGHING )
You're lucky.
I only used one lip.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, please be Mork.
Hi, we're here.
Oh, you are? Oh, you are.
I'd like you
to meet our mom. Oh.
Oh, It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. DaVinci.
Call me Rosa. Okay.
Don't they hug in Colorado?
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Mama has to get her Italian
hug quota in for the day.
I'm starving. When's dinner?
Dinner?
Yeah. Didn't Mork tell you?
Oh, yeah, he did,
but I haven't put it on yet.
I mean, it's still at the store.
I mean, Mork's shopping, okay?
I told Mama here
that you and Mork
were our two best friends
in Boulder.
This Mork. He lives here too?
Don't worry, Mom.
Mork's a nice guy.
Remy, the commandments don't say
it's okay with a nice guy.
Listen, you have to
forgive me, Mindy,
but you see, I've been worried
about my kids getting mixed up
with a bunch of beatniks
out West.
You know, Jerry Brown
and that gang.
( LAUGHING )
Mork?
This is Mr. Nice Guy?
Yeah.
He's been taking
dancing lessons.
I'm back, babe.
Yeah, Mork, but…
Mwah. Not now.
( MOCK GROWLING )
REMO: Mork. Mork.
Where'd you get the, uh…?
Toys "R" Us.
JEAN: Mork.
I'd like you to meet our mother.
Oh, hey.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know your eyes are like
two smoldering pits?
Come on, now, let's get
some sauce and barbecue.
Wait till I tell
your father's grave.
Oh, come here, my little pasta.
♪ Volare ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪ Save me!
Aah!
Mork, put her down.
Oh, down? Let's party! Ow!
Party! Ow!
He's so vulnerable.
I never had this much fun
when I went out with lawyers.
Heh-heh. Come, let's go upstairs
and we'll play habeas corpus.
( LAUGHING )
Hey.
Maybe Mork
needs some help up there.
One move
and I'll break your legs.
Oh, Ma!
I never knew Mork
was quite like this.
Fun, isn't he?
( DISCO MUSIC PLAYING UPSTAIRS )
Maybe you all should
come back tomorrow, and we'll…
We'll try this again. I think
things will be different.
I promise. I hope.
( WOMEN AND MORK
GIGGLING UPSTAIRS )
Nice suit he's wearing.
He'll be
the best-dressed guy in hell.
REMO: I've never been so
embarrassed in my entire life.
Oh, Mork, if you only knew
what you were missing.
Boy, what a dud
he turned out to be.
Yeah, just another jerk
in a white suit.
( DOOR CLOSES )
Have a nice day.
Mork.
Twelve?
( DISCO MUSIC STOPS )
Well, I guess it's just
you and me again,
even though you're not
all there yet.
Well, I hope you have
a nice trip back.
( CHUCKLES )
( GASPS )
Mork, are you all right?
I hope you didn't
break anything.
Who am I talking to?
( BEEPING )
Oh! I'm back, Mind.
Oh, I'm glad.
Sorry I was late. I got hung up
in turbulence over Saturn.
I think I kind of blew my mind.
Oh, boy, did I miss you.
Oh, I missed you too.
Mind, have you been playing
dress up with my body?
No, it was one of the visitors.
Oh, I think
I can guess which one.
I hope they didn't cause
too much trouble.
Well, let's just say I learned
to appreciate you a lot more.
Did you have a good time?
Well, It was nice but I'd rather
be in New Mexico with you.
Really? I thought
you hated that place.
Oh, at least
I was with you, though.
Oh, that's nice.
I learned a lot
about vacations, Mind.
I've learned that you can go
to all the interesting places,
but unless you have
someone you care about with you,
it doesn't mean as much.
You've got to turn
to someone and say,
"Hey, Mind, did you see
that fire-breathing dragon?
"Oh, I guess you did.
Your eyebrows are missing
and your hair is curled."
So you like it better right here
in your own body, huh?
Yeah, there's no place
like Mork, Mind.
I brought back some slides
to show you though.
You did? Well, let's see them.
All right.
( SQUEAKS )
There's me
on the planet Murrowr.
( BOTH CHUCKLE )
There's me picking fleas
out of my tail.
Here's me meeting
the catnip dealer.
Um, do you happen to, uh…
Do you happen
to have any pictures
of your vacation
on the planet Heh-Heh-Heh?
No, I had to burn those, Mind.
Why?
Well, who wants to see
pictures of me going:
Yeah, right.
Besides, it wasn't
a very nice trip anyway, Mind.
I spent the entire time
in my room
because I couldn't get
my propeller started.
( IMITATES SQUEAKY PROPELLER )
( UPBEAT DISCO THEME PLAYING )
( SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING )
MORK: Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
( BLOWING AIR )
Is this thing on? Oh.
Attention, vacationers,
Pedro and Yolanda
will be giving mambo lessons
poolside, 3:00…
ORSON: Well, Mork. Sir.
How was your vacation?
Well, not bad, sir.
Except I would have liked
to have taken along someone
that I really cared about.
- I understand, Mork.
- Thank you, sir.
Next time I'll go with you.
Well, actually,
Your Astrodome-ness,
I would have rather
taken along Mindy.
Not that I don't want
to travel with you, sir,
except she'd be less dangerous
in an upper berth.
Your report, Mork. Yes, sir.
I've discovered that Earthlings
come back from a vacation
much more exhausted
than when they left.
Why is that?
Well, I think they treat
a vacation like a job.
They try and cram in
every activity
except for that which
is most important: Relaxation.
I thought the main purpose
of a vacation
is to get away from it all.
Well, that's what
Earthlings say too, sir,
except they pack it
in eight suitcases
and bring it all with them.
Strange.
What's even stranger, sir,
is they say they can't wait
to get away
from all their friends,
but they spend all day
writing postcards saying:
"Wish you were here.
Send money."
It sounds like Earthlings
would be better off
without vacations.
Well, the problem is
that they try and cram
all of their happiness
into only two weeks
out of the year.
Why shouldn't all of life
be a nice trip, sir?
Nanu, nanu, little buckaroo.
Scenery is here.
Wish I was beautiful.
( CHUCKLES )
♪ Happy trails ♪
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MOROSELY )
Oh, Mind, I'm so excited.
You are?
Yes, can't you tell?
Hey, nonny nonny,
and a ha-cha-cha.
Sit down and tell me
all about it.
Oh. I just finished talking
to Orson about vacations.
I really need to get away.
Yeah, you have been
kind of dragged out lately.
Like yesterday when you
fell asleep jogging.
Observing your planet
is really hard work.
I've worn out
two pairs of eyes already.
I'm glad you don't do that
when we have people over.
It's been so long
since I've had a real vacation.
Well, what about that time
at the lake?
( GROANS )
Uh, I guess that wasn't so hot,
was it?
No, it wasn't very much fun.
But I did learn
and important lesson though.
Oh, yeah? What was that?
That I can't breathe underwater.
Gave me a lot of admiration
for Shamu.
Why are all our vacations
so full of surprises?
I don't know.
I thought going to Exidor's
cabin would be nice.
I mean, who knew
it didn't have any windows?
Or walls. Or a roof.
A distinct disadvantage
in a blizzard.
That's why I took you
to the desert, to thaw out.
Yeah. To that nude ranch.
Dude ranch.
At least the rooms were nice.
Yeah, the weather was nice too.
Come to think of it,
that was the nicest vacation
we ever had.
( DREAMY THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MORK GROANING )
I guess I never
should have taken you
horseback riding, huh?
It was lots of fun,
Mind, really,
except for when
I fell off the horse
and he dragged me for two miles.
Why didn't you let go?
Well, at $12 an hour,
it didn't seem right.
I just wish he hadn't
dragged you through the cactus.
Yeah, me too.
Aah, aah. Ah-ha-ha.
( YELLING )
I guess we didn't get 'em all.
Ohh.
Oh, believe me, Mork,
this is supposed to be
one of the finest vacation
spots in New Mexico.
Aah, ahh!
I believe you, Mind.
I mean, two million scorpions
can't be wrong.
I just feel so bad for you.
Look at you. You've been
bruised, battered, beaten…
Ow! Ahh!
( GROANING )
- I forgot about sunburned.
- Let me look at it.
Ohh. Ahh.
Well, it's better
than yesterday.
Mind, I was once on the sun
and didn't get
this badly burned.
Honest, Mork, people usually
have a great time
when they come
to a place like this.
Mindy, can I ask you
one question? Sure.
How?
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, come in.
Howdy, buckaroos!
I'm Ricky Day,
activity director here
at the old lazy Hacienda.
You know what's coming up
in 10 minutes?
Shuffleboard!
Whoa, yay, shuffleboard!
What's that?
Oh, you're gonna love it,
cowpoke.
We just need two more
for the big tournament.
Oh. How many do you have now?
None.
Then at 3:00, it's a long hike
out into the desert.
You know what
you're gonna see there?
The bones of yesterday's hikers.
And then it's a quick jog back
for the chili-eating contest,
and then an even quicker jog
over to
the arts-and-crafts center.
Wouldn't you like
to make a lanyard?
Oh, Lordy!
I guess it's a lot better
than buying one.
I made this one for my wife.
Sure takes the pressure
out of holiday gift-giving.
Gee, Mr. Day,
these things sound
like a lot of fun…
They do?
But right now I think
Mork and I would like to rest.
Rest? On vacation?
Oh, ho-ho. Hey, I got you.
Well, you have fun
resting, Mork.
Aah!
Ha-ha-ha-aahh!
Oh, uh, say, folks,
if you can rouse yourself up,
don't miss the big slide show
in the rec room tonight,
Dale Evans, the Early Years.
( DOOR CLOSES )
Well, Mind,
I'll be a good sport.
I'll shuffle boards with you.
I'll make you an ashtray.
Oh, Mork, what do
you want to do?
Aah.
Go home.
I thought you'd never ask.
( DREAMY THEME PLAYING )
Mind, I finally figured out
why that vacation
was gopher gunk.
I didn't go far enough away
from where I work.
Mork, we drove
all the way to New Mexico.
No, I mean really away.
I mean, I've talked to Orson,
and I've gotta go
to another planet
far, far, far away.
You're gonna leave Earth?
Where are you gonna go?
Well, I've written up
a little itinerary.
The planet Murrowr?
Well, they say it's got
a great nightlife.
Planet Hmm-Hmm-Hmm?
Yep, yep, yep.
It's a party planet, Mind.
The fun and frolic
never stop there,
and the atmosphere
is 98 percent nitrous oxide.
I'm sorry I can't
take you along, Mind.
Well, I have to go
to school anyway.
And I guess
it's more important that you
go on the vacation
that's right for you.
Oh, thanks, Mind.
Oh. Oh.
Take good care of my body.
Your body?
Well, yes. See,
when we Orkans go on trips,
our mind and spirit leave
and we leave our body behind.
Wait a minute.
You mean you're saying that
your body's gonna stay here,
and the rest is going
somewhere else?
Yes, we Orkans
like to travel light.
Wait, you mean you're
going on vacation,
and what I'll have here
is an empty shell?
No, no, only until my mind
checks into another body
on another planet,
and his mind checks
into my body.
It's kind of like
house swapping.
That's incredible.
You mean I'm gonna have
some creature from outer space
living here with me?
No, two of them.
Yeah, but what if they're
strange? Like an alien?
What, you mean like: ( BLEATS )
Yeah, like that.
No, Mind. I'm only going
to Earth-like planets,
and nothing in the brochure
said anything about Mindavores.
Mork, I'm gonna miss you.
Oh, I'm gonna
miss you too, Mind.
I hope you have a good time.
Why, I'll try.
I've written up a little
inventory of my body here
so none of the guests can
run away with the good parts.
Check once in a while
and make sure nothing's missing.
Especially that one.
Yeah.
Um, well, when are you leaving?
Now. Bye. ( BEEPING )
Wait. How long are you
gonna be gone?
Mork? Mork?
Oh. This is very weird.
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWING )
( MEOWING )
Darn cats.
( MEOWING )
It sounds like
it's coming from in here.
( HISSES )
( SCREECHING )
I don't believe it.
He went to a cat planet?
Planet Murrowr.
( MEOWS ): Murrowr.
Oh, that's right.
Great night life.
Oh. Well, uh,
welcome to Boulder, kitty. Yeah.
No, no, bad, bad.
( HISSES )
( MEOWING )
There…
Hey, you're kind of cute.
( MEOWS )
Ooh.
I hope you don't shed.
I used to have a cat
when I was a kid.
It wasn't this big, though.
You must be tired
from your trip.
I'll get you something to eat.
You like some milk?
( MEOWS )
Whoa, whoa, down, down.
( MEOWS )
Okay, never mind.
There.
Nice kitty.
Yeah.
Oh.
I'd like to play with you
some more,
but I've got an early class,
and I've gotta get ready.
( MISCHIEVOUS THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWS )
Boy, are the neighborhood birds
in for a surprise.
( HACKING )
Well, I guess it saves on soap.
What do cats like?
What do cats like?
Warm. So I'll turn up the heat.
Oh, I know.
( MEOWS )
Sure am glad I saved this box.
Kitty, right there. Good. Good.
Okay, so I guess
I'll see you a little later.
Be good. ( MEOWS )
Yeah. Hmm. Bye.
( MEOWING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Anybody home?
Mork, I'm late for work,
so I've gotta make this quick.
I didn't wake you up, did I?
( MEOWS ) Sorry.
You know, Mindy told
Jean and I to tell her
when our mom was
coming in town from New York
'cause she wanted to have
us all over for dinner, and…
We'd like to make it tonight.
Wow, it's hot in here, huh?
Hey, I'll open a window, okay?
Um, hey, Mork,
don't forget to tell Mindy
about dinner tonight.
( MEOWS )
Yeah, I'm that way
in the morning too.
( SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING )
( MEOWS )
( SCREECHES )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
Hi, I'm back.
I got you the biggest one
I could find.
Mork.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Oh, no!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty!
Oh.
Not you, Irving. Go home.
Oh, what am I gonna do now?
I can't call the police.
They're gonna think I'm crazy.
Who can I get to help me?
It's worth a try, I guess.
Uh, Mindy calling Orson.
Mindy calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Yo, your fattitude!
I didn't think it would work.
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, Mork, I hope that's you.
Hi, are you Mindy McConnell?
Uh-huh. This is the place.
Oh.
A dog chased him up a tree.
Man, I wish
I could climb like that.
He hasn't moved in 20 minutes.
That poodle sure
must have scared him.
We found this note
in his pocket.
"Property of Mindy McConnell."
That's me,
and at the right address.
Well, thanks, you guys.
I was really worried about him.
Where do you want him?
Oh, right there's fine.
Well, goodbye, Miss McConnell.
Bye. Oh, can I give
you boys anything?
Oh, no, thank you.
Just cut his nails before
you let him out next time.
He likes to scratch.
Is this your boyfriend?
Uh, yeah.
Gee, and you seem like
such a normal girl.
Goodbye.
Oh, Mork, are you all right?
You look all right.
Oh, boy, Mork, I know how much
this vacation meant to you,
but I wish you could have
taken your body with you.
( BEEPING )
Oh, hi. Are you dangerous?
You tell me.
( LAUGHING )
Whoa! Oh, you got it.
( LAUGHING ) Wait.
Oh, oh. Let go of me.
Oh, I know you may find me
a little grotesque
in my present form,
but where I come from,
I have six arms and a propeller.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
You, uh…
You must be from the planet
Hmm-Hmm-Hmm.
No, that's: Heh-Heh-Heh.
Oh. Whoa.
( SHRIEKS )
( LAUGHING )
You know,
I came here to have a good time.
Yeah? Well, great.
You can call me 12.
Twelve?
On a scale of one to ten,
I'm a 12.
( LAUGHING )
Oh-ho-ho.
I'm glad you feel…
Yeah…. Welcome on your trip,
but I'm not one
of the tourist attractions.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
Oh, uh…
Uhh. Yeah.
Mmm.
Oh, no. Shh! Shh!
There's so little time
and so much to sniff.
Yeah.
Oh, will you look at
these grotesque
body wrappings? Eww!
Do you have anything else
I can wear here?
Uh, there's a lot more upstairs,
but they all look like that.
Oh! No wonder they say
never swap bodies with an Orkan.
Come here. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Mwah! I told you to stop that.
( LAUGHING )
You're lucky.
I only used one lip.
( IMITATES PROPELLER WHIRRING )
( KNOCKING ON DOOR )
Oh, please be Mork.
Hi, we're here.
Oh, you are? Oh, you are.
I'd like you
to meet our mom. Oh.
Oh, It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. DaVinci.
Call me Rosa. Okay.
Don't they hug in Colorado?
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Mama has to get her Italian
hug quota in for the day.
I'm starving. When's dinner?
Dinner?
Yeah. Didn't Mork tell you?
Oh, yeah, he did,
but I haven't put it on yet.
I mean, it's still at the store.
I mean, Mork's shopping, okay?
I told Mama here
that you and Mork
were our two best friends
in Boulder.
This Mork. He lives here too?
Don't worry, Mom.
Mork's a nice guy.
Remy, the commandments don't say
it's okay with a nice guy.
Listen, you have to
forgive me, Mindy,
but you see, I've been worried
about my kids getting mixed up
with a bunch of beatniks
out West.
You know, Jerry Brown
and that gang.
( LAUGHING )
Mork?
This is Mr. Nice Guy?
Yeah.
He's been taking
dancing lessons.
I'm back, babe.
Yeah, Mork, but…
Mwah. Not now.
( MOCK GROWLING )
REMO: Mork. Mork.
Where'd you get the, uh…?
Toys "R" Us.
JEAN: Mork.
I'd like you to meet our mother.
Oh, hey.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know your eyes are like
two smoldering pits?
Come on, now, let's get
some sauce and barbecue.
Wait till I tell
your father's grave.
Oh, come here, my little pasta.
♪ Volare ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪ Save me!
Aah!
Mork, put her down.
Oh, down? Let's party! Ow!
Party! Ow!
He's so vulnerable.
I never had this much fun
when I went out with lawyers.
Heh-heh. Come, let's go upstairs
and we'll play habeas corpus.
( LAUGHING )
Hey.
Maybe Mork
needs some help up there.
One move
and I'll break your legs.
Oh, Ma!
I never knew Mork
was quite like this.
Fun, isn't he?
( DISCO MUSIC PLAYING UPSTAIRS )
Maybe you all should
come back tomorrow, and we'll…
We'll try this again. I think
things will be different.
I promise. I hope.
( WOMEN AND MORK
GIGGLING UPSTAIRS )
Nice suit he's wearing.
He'll be
the best-dressed guy in hell.
REMO: I've never been so
embarrassed in my entire life.
Oh, Mork, if you only knew
what you were missing.
Boy, what a dud
he turned out to be.
Yeah, just another jerk
in a white suit.
( DOOR CLOSES )
Have a nice day.
Mork.
Twelve?
( DISCO MUSIC STOPS )
Well, I guess it's just
you and me again,
even though you're not
all there yet.
Well, I hope you have
a nice trip back.
( CHUCKLES )
( GASPS )
Mork, are you all right?
I hope you didn't
break anything.
Who am I talking to?
( BEEPING )
Oh! I'm back, Mind.
Oh, I'm glad.
Sorry I was late. I got hung up
in turbulence over Saturn.
I think I kind of blew my mind.
Oh, boy, did I miss you.
Oh, I missed you too.
Mind, have you been playing
dress up with my body?
No, it was one of the visitors.
Oh, I think
I can guess which one.
I hope they didn't cause
too much trouble.
Well, let's just say I learned
to appreciate you a lot more.
Did you have a good time?
Well, It was nice but I'd rather
be in New Mexico with you.
Really? I thought
you hated that place.
Oh, at least
I was with you, though.
Oh, that's nice.
I learned a lot
about vacations, Mind.
I've learned that you can go
to all the interesting places,
but unless you have
someone you care about with you,
it doesn't mean as much.
You've got to turn
to someone and say,
"Hey, Mind, did you see
that fire-breathing dragon?
"Oh, I guess you did.
Your eyebrows are missing
and your hair is curled."
So you like it better right here
in your own body, huh?
Yeah, there's no place
like Mork, Mind.
I brought back some slides
to show you though.
You did? Well, let's see them.
All right.
( SQUEAKS )
There's me
on the planet Murrowr.
( BOTH CHUCKLE )
There's me picking fleas
out of my tail.
Here's me meeting
the catnip dealer.
Um, do you happen to, uh…
Do you happen
to have any pictures
of your vacation
on the planet Heh-Heh-Heh?
No, I had to burn those, Mind.
Why?
Well, who wants to see
pictures of me going:
Yeah, right.
Besides, it wasn't
a very nice trip anyway, Mind.
I spent the entire time
in my room
because I couldn't get
my propeller started.
( IMITATES SQUEAKY PROPELLER )
( UPBEAT DISCO THEME PLAYING )
( SUSPENSEFUL THEME PLAYING )
MORK: Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
( BLOWING AIR )
Is this thing on? Oh.
Attention, vacationers,
Pedro and Yolanda
will be giving mambo lessons
poolside, 3:00…
ORSON: Well, Mork. Sir.
How was your vacation?
Well, not bad, sir.
Except I would have liked
to have taken along someone
that I really cared about.
- I understand, Mork.
- Thank you, sir.
Next time I'll go with you.
Well, actually,
Your Astrodome-ness,
I would have rather
taken along Mindy.
Not that I don't want
to travel with you, sir,
except she'd be less dangerous
in an upper berth.
Your report, Mork. Yes, sir.
I've discovered that Earthlings
come back from a vacation
much more exhausted
than when they left.
Why is that?
Well, I think they treat
a vacation like a job.
They try and cram in
every activity
except for that which
is most important: Relaxation.
I thought the main purpose
of a vacation
is to get away from it all.
Well, that's what
Earthlings say too, sir,
except they pack it
in eight suitcases
and bring it all with them.
Strange.
What's even stranger, sir,
is they say they can't wait
to get away
from all their friends,
but they spend all day
writing postcards saying:
"Wish you were here.
Send money."
It sounds like Earthlings
would be better off
without vacations.
Well, the problem is
that they try and cram
all of their happiness
into only two weeks
out of the year.
Why shouldn't all of life
be a nice trip, sir?
Nanu, nanu, little buckaroo.
Scenery is here.
Wish I was beautiful.
( CHUCKLES )
♪ Happy trails ♪
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )
( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )