Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 9 - A Mommy for Morky - full transcript

Mindy reconnects with an ex boyfriend who's intent on marriage. Meanwhile Mork uses his age machine to revert to childhood.

Nanu-Nanu.

Shazbot!

MAN:
Say, I like your place.

Mmm... thanks

You know, I wasn't sure
you'd ever want to see me again.

Now, Dan, do I look like
the type of girl

who would hold a little thing

like a broken engagement
against you?

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you do say
will be held against you...

Mindy, Mindy, I didn't
mean to hurt you.



I just... wasn't ready
to settle down.

Then why did you ask me
to marry you?

Well, I was young.

I didn't know what I wanted.

I have to admit I was surprised
that you called.

I thought that you were
probably out

sowing your wild oats.

Well, now I think
I'm more interested in rice.

Uh, which reminds me,

there's a new
Japanese restaurant

I'd like to try
for lunch tomorrow.

How does that sound to you?

I'd love it.

Good.



I'll, uh, pick you up at noon.

Okay. Then noon it is.

Thanks for goin' out, Mindy.

Well, thanks
for asking me out, Dan.

It was fun.

It always was.

Tomorrow. Bye.

( WHISTLES )

Mindy!
Mork!

How was your mating?

Dating!

That's dating.
Oh.

And it was wonderful.

Dan took me to this
great Danish restaurant.

Sounds interesting.
What do great Danes eat?

And... he's taking me to lunch
tomorrow, too.

What is it about this earthling
that makes you so hungry?

Well, Dan and I are old friends.

As a matter of fact,

our relationship had gotten
pretty serious at one time.

Serious. Ah, sounds like you
need cheering up.

Come see my apartment.

I've just redecorated the attic,

and it's scamp city
and totally taste-free!

Come on!

( SPEAKING ORKAN )

( YELLS LIKE TARZAN )

( SPEAKING ORKAN )

What do you think?

Well, what can I say
except it's you?

You like my bed?

You sleep on that?

Oh, it's not bad once
you get the hang of it.

( HONKING BARK )

What's this?

Oh, it's a hide-a-bed
for house guests.

Now, I must say,
I've never seen a lamp

sticking out of the wall
quite like that.

I like to read in bed.

Well, Mork, this place
certainly is designed

for your kind of living.

What an interesting
wall covering!

It's grass.

Mork, why do you have grass
on your wall?

Oh, the plants kept falling off.

Can I get you something
to sit on?

Here, here's my footstool.

Now, that's a great idea!

A footstool shaped like a foot.

Wait'll you see the end tables
I've ordered.

Well, Mork, I think
you've done a fabulous job.

It looks really good.

( BUZZING SOUND )

What's this?

It looks like some sort
of a calculator or something.

Oh, no, it's not a calculator.

It's an Orkan Age Machine.

A what?

Actually, it's a small computer

designed to alter
our brain waves

so we can achieve
any age we want.

Uh, why would you want
to do that?

Well, if you're suffering
from tension

or feeling uptight, you set it
for a certain age, set that,

and it's like a vacation,
kinda like our version of Fantasy Island.

You know, "Boss,
the plane has landed."

You're kidding.

Ah, "kidding", no.
That would be button #3.

Give it a go!

Okay.

( AS A CHILD ):
No, I don't want your cooties.

( COMPUTER BUZZING )

( AS TEENAGER ):
Wow! Come on!

All the other kids
are in hyperspace.

I just want the keys to the egg.

It'd be really right on.

Where's Dave?

( COMPUTER BUZZING )

( CHANTS IN ORKAN )

( COMPUTER BUZZING )

Whoa, I didn't know
it went that far back.

Well, thanks for taking me
to lunch, Dan.

How about dinner?

Do you realise
how many restaurants

we've been to in
these last three weeks?

Uh, I see you're on to me.

You've figured out
that I'm trying

to get at your heart
through your stomach.

( LAUGHING )

Maybe that's why
I like you so much.

Most guys immediately
want to take the scenic route.

Hi, Dan.

Hi, Mr. M.

Uh, pick you up at 8:00?

Okay, I'll be ready.

All right, uh... good-bye.

Excuse me.

I'd turn sideways,
but I haven't got one.

Hi Mindy!
How are you?

Oh, Sally!

Well, I see you're still
hangin' in there!

Yeah. I feel just like
the Post Office.

Neither of us deliver on time.

Well, hello, Sally, dear.

Can we do anything for you?

Yeah, you could tell me
if my shoes match.

Well, have you put
in your request for a boy or a girl?

Well, Cora, what difference
does it make?

With a mother like Sally

that baby's gonna
be beautiful either way.

Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Just for that, if it's a boy,

I'm gonna name him after you.

Fascinating!

A boy called Weiner!

Oh, Cora...

Uh, nice to see you, Sally.

You, too.

Listen, you wouldn't
happen to have

The Little Engine That Could?

I don't know.

Let me check in
the children's section.

Oh, good.

You know, Sally, you look
absolutely radiant.

Oh, come on.
You do.

I don't think I've ever
seen you look this good.

It's motherhood.

You oughta try it sometime.

Well, maybe I will sometime.

I like kids, but I don't think

I'm ready to be a mother yet.

Oh...

Mindy...

Oh, who's your fat friend?

Mork!

Oh, parallel universe!

What a coincidence!

My name's Mork, too.

Na-nu, Na-nu!

Um, Sally Freeman,
this is my friend, Mork.

And Sally isn't fat;
she's pregnant.

Oh, that's wonderful.

What's pregnant?

Didn't your parents
ever tell you anything?

I don't have any parents.

I'm a test tube baby.

( LAUGHING )

That's Mork.

Always with the jokes.

( HONKING BARK )

I just felt a kick!

Somebody kicked you?

Must have been hit-and-run.

Mork, her baby kicked her.

Why, what did she do to it?

She didn't do anything to it.

A baby always kicks when
it's inside its mother.

There's a baby in there!

You're tryin'
to jive my socks off!

There's a real live...

( MAKES BABY SOUNDS )

Whoa, shazbat!

Kids get in the darnedest places.

SALLY:
I can't wait till he's born

so I can see what he looks like.

I'll bet he's round.

Sally, do you think that
you'll go back to work

after you have the baby?

No, Mindy, I want to do
all that hokey stuff.

You know, I want to build blocks
and play peek-a-boo

and take him for walks
in the park, watch him grow up.

That's gonna be my career.

Oh, that's really nice.

Well, here's your record.

It's on the house.

It's, uh, a birthday present.

Oh, thanks a lot.

I'll see you later, Mindy.

Oh, good luck.

So long, Mork.

Good-bye. Good-bye.

Oh...
Whew...

Oh, you know, Mork,
I really envy Sally.

She really knows what she wants.

And I envy her baby.

You envy her baby? Why?

It has something I never had...
a mother.

Oh...

Good night, Mindy.

Good night, Dan.

Bye.

What are you doing up so late?

Something was bothering me.

I couldn't sleep.

So I decided I'd relax
by soaking in a hot tub.

Oh.

Yeah, that's what I always do.

Oh, Mork, is there anything
you want to talk about?

Mork, what are you doing?

( MORK TALKING UNDERWATER )

Mork!

On Earth you don't soak
your head in a tub like that.

You soak your feet!

Are you kidding?

If I soak my feet in there,

I wouldn't last five minutes!

Well, do you want to tell me
what the problem is?

All right.

Come on. Sit down.

Ever since I met
your friend Sally, I...

I always thought I was raised
in the best possible way.

Oh, how were you raised?

By a computer.

Computer!

Oh, yes.

Her name was Nannivac 30.

But all the 8,000 kids
in our warehouse

used to just call her "Nanny."

Every bleem

she'd wash me, feed me, burp me,
take care of all my needs.

Did she change you, too?

Well, I'm a better person
for having known her.

But somehow after seeing Sally

and how happy she was,

I feel like
I'm missing something.

Oh, Mork,
you missed being loved.

But Nanny was always there.

Every morning I'd roll past her
on the conveyor belt.

She'd pick me up
in her warm little metal claws,

tickle me under the chin
with a high-intensity laser

and sing in that soft
little voice...

( HUMS MELODY FROM CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND )

If that's not love, what is it?

Factory servicing.

Doesn't an Earth mother
do the very same thing?

Well, yeah, but she does it
because she wants to,

not because she's plugged in.

Oh, I see.

On Earth then, a mother's
a very important job, too.

Oh, yeah. I don't know
a job more important.

Do you want to have babies
someday?

Well, you know, I...
I didn't think I did,

but I think I might, yeah.

How about tomorrow?

Mork, it isn't that easy.

I'll help.

Mork, I think there's something

that you and I
should talk about.

Oh, if it's about having babies,

I know all about that.

First the bird lands
and adds the pollen.

No.

You see, Mork, Dan
has asked me to be his wife.

Dan!

That guy you've been
eating around with?

Did you say yes?

No...

Whew... hey...

But I think I'm going to.

Oh... I'm very happy
for you.

MORK:
Mindy, what's on your brain?

I'm about to be married and I...

I feel like I just might be
biting off more than I can chew.

Ooh, sounds like a marriage
on Alpha Centauri.

There the bride and the groom
eat the best man.

They eat the best man?

Ah, but it's done in good taste,
though.

I'm sure it is.

Oh, Mork, I...

I'm worried.

I just don't know what it
would be like to have a child.

Yeah, and I'm sad because

I don't know what it would
be like to have a mother.

Well, at least I've got
a way of finding out.

Wait.

( ORKAN HUMMING )

I have a way
we both can find out.

I'll set my age machine
for three years old...

( BEEPING )

for ten minutes.
( BEEPING )

That way I'll be your
baby... ( BEEPS ) and you'll be my...

( COMPUTER BLEEPS )

( BABY VOICE ):
Mommy!

Mommy, hold me!

Hold me!

Yeah...!

Yeah...! Yeah!

That was fun.
Let's do it again.

No, No, Mork,
you're too heavy for that.

Me Morky, you Mommy.

No, me Mindy.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Aha. Look here.

I know where my belly button is.

Oh, that's... that's nice.

Can I see yours?
No!

Come on, Mork, now give me
your age machine.

No, it's mine!
( BLOWS RASPBERRY )

( LAUGHS )

Now, Morky, Dan is gonna
be here any minute

and it'll be embarrassing

to have a giant three-
year-old running around,

so give me
your age machine. No, no!

Can't get it!
Can't get it!

Na, Na, Weiner, Weiner, Weiner!

Now, come on.

Now you listen, young man,
you give me that age machine

right now.

( LAUGHS )

( DOORBELL RINGS )

That's Dan.

Morky, Mommy has company

so why don't you
take a nice nap? No.

Morky not sleepy.

I wanna stay up all night
and drive Mommy Shazbot.

Nyah, Nyah, n-Nyah!

If Morky takes a nap,

Mommy'll make him
his favourite treat,

and he knows what that is.

A baloney sundae!
Yay!

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Oh, nice toys.
Nice toys.

Gimme, gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme.

Shh. I'll let you
play with these

if you promise to be quiet.
Promise?

Yeah.

Okay, you be good. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh.

( CACKLES )

( DOORBELL RINGS )

Hi. Let's go.
Hi.

What's the rush?

The movie doesn't start
for an hour. Oh.

Sure, come on in.

Oh...

Oh, is that for me?
Uh, no,

that is for our first-born.

Dan, that's a little premature.

I haven't even
made my mind up yet.

Oh, you will.

( MORK SINGING BABY ORKAN-TALK )

Did you hear that?

( CLUNKING )

It's probably squirrels.

Oh.

Anyway, when we get married,

it is going to be so great.

I can hardly wait to hear
the pitter-patter of little feet.

( LOUD, CLUNKING PITTER-PATTER )

( MORK SINGING BABY ORKAN-TALK )

Say, uh, are you sure
we're alone?

Well, yes.

Oh, no, uh...

there's a plumber in the attic.

( BEADS CLICKING )

( BABY TALK )

It, uh...

looks like your plumber
broke his necklace.

( CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY )

Yeah, well, I sure am glad

he got those out of the pipes.

Uh, I'll just go up and see
if he found the earrings, too.

Mork.

Mork...

( SINGSONGY ):
Morky, where are you?

( SHRIEKS )

( LAUGHS )

That is not funny.

Now come out of there.

You broke my pearls and rolled
them all down the stairs.

Not all.

Now, Mork, you promised
to be quiet.

( LOUD ):
But I am being quiet!

Shh! No, you're...
( BLOWS RASPBERRY )

No, you're not.

Yes, I am!

Yes, I am!
Yes, I am!

Shh!
So there.

Besides I have nothing quiet
to do and I'm not a mime.

Why don't...

why don't you just play?

Can I play dress-up?

DAN:
Mindy?

Uh, coming, Dan.

I don't care what you play
but just play quiet.

Yay!

A dog for a day, yay!

Mork, just play quiet.

Okay?

Okay?

Answer me.

( LOUDLY ):
You said be quiet! Shh...!

Just play quiet.

Now, shh.

Shh. Shh.
Shh.

( SPITS, BEAD TINKLES )

( LAUGHS LOUDLY )

Kids.

Is everything fixed?

Well, uh, no,

but everything
will be back to normal

in about, uh, six minutes.

( CLINKING )

You know, it sounds like
you've got a plumber

that's not too experienced.

Oh, he isn't.

But only the young ones
will make house calls.

Here, I picked up your pearls.

You know, when we have kids

you can't leave those
laying around.

They'll put them
in their mouths.

I've heard.

You know, I think
I want about ten.

Ten kids?!

That's inconceivable.

No, no, kids are great.

They are so much fun.

Just a joy to have around.

( CRASHING )

( MORK CRYING )

The, uh, plumber is crying?

Oh, uh, he brought
his kid with him

because he, uh, couldn't
find a baby-sitter,

so, uh, just wait here.

( MORK CRYING LOUDLY )

( CRYING )

Oh, what happened?

Mommy, hurt.

Boo-boo.
Oh...

There, there.
No. No.

Here, here.

( CRIES ) Oh...

It's gonna be all right.

It'll be all right.

Tell me what happened.

Moo-moo bit me!

And then he came down,
he attacked my knee.

Bad!

( CRYING )

Oh, you're right.

Bad moo-moo for hurting Morky.

There, Moo-Moo won't
hurt you anymore.

Mommy, Mommy,
you're protecting me

against a bad moo-moo.

Yeah, now come over here
and sit down.

I'll find something
to dry your tears.

Morky...

Mommy can't dry your tears
if you're sitting on them.

There, there.

( BLOWS NOSE )

There.

Now everything's okay.

Will you always protect me
and take care of me?

Well, I will until
you're old enough

to take care of yourself.

Which will be in
about one minute.

Uh, now, Mommy has
to go downstairs

if you're all right.

I'm all right.

I'm a big boy.

Okay, now, you be good.

Yeah.

I gotta go potty.

Number three.

The plumber's okay now.

I mean, I cheered up his kid.

Say, you're a real
plumber's helper.

MORK ( AS BABY ):
Oh, humour. Aah, aah.

He has a well-developed
sense of humour.

Well, he's kinda old
for his age.

Let's go.

Mommy!

( BABY TALK )

Oh, toys.

Mommy...!

( CAR ENGINE STARTS )

( CRYING )

( CRIES ):
Good-bye, Mommy.

Good-bye, Mommy.

( COMPUTER BEEPING )

( NORMAL VOICE ):
Good-bye, Mindy.

( DOOR OPENS )

Well, good night, Mindy.

Well, good-bye, Dan.

( TV PLAYING )

( TV MUSIC STOPS )

( MUMBLES )

Oh, good-bye.

You must've fallen asleep
while watching TV.

If I was asleep,
then the TV was watching me.

How was your movie?

We didn't go to the movies.

We just, uh, talked.

Actually, Dan talked,
I listened.

I told him I'm not gonna
marry him, Mork.

Bummer.

I guess you'll have
to rent babies then.

No, that was just the point.

All night long Dan just
kept talking about babies

and then I realised that
he never talked about us.

He wasn't into having a wife
as much as he wanted a family.

And I want to be a couple
before I'm a group.

I'm sorry you lost your husband.

Did my becoming a child
affect your decision?

Well, I have to admit
it opened my eyes.

It's hard to be a mother.

Yeah, it's pretty tough
being a kid, too.

But you made it easy.

You know something?

You're gonna make
a terrific mother.

Oh, Mork.

A toast.

To motherhood?

Maybe.

To chickens with lips.

Mork calling Orson...

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson...

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

What did you learn about
Earth this time, Mork?

For one thing, on Earth, babies
aren't grown in test tubes.

They're grown in something
wonderful called a mother.

That's the old-
fashioned way, Mork.

80 bleems ago a few of us
did it up here, too,

as part of a nostalgia craze.

Sometimes I think the old way
is the best way, Orson.

Nap, nap.

Our method is much
more efficient.

Orson, when you were a baby,

don't you remember being held
and cuddled, taken for walks?

Nannivac 26 did that.

But on Earth, a mother does it.

And she does all sorts of other
nice things for her children

for her entire life.

Aw, it's a warm
and wonderful thing.

How much does she get paid?

Nothing.

Is it because her work

is considered of no real value?

Oh, no, it's because
it's considered priceless.

Good night, Mork.

Orson, one more thing.

Can you tell me a bedtime story?

I... don't know any.

Too bad.

Good night, Your Immense-NESS.

See you next week.

Nanu-Nanu.