Moonshiners (2011–…): Season 9, Episode 10 - Run for the Hills - full transcript

♪♪

Narrator: on this episode
Of "Moonshiners"...

I mean, did you wash
Your drawers out in this?

It looks worser
Than dog piss.

Narrator: ...Mark and digger
Come to the rescue

Of a former student.

Can you help me
Save my 15-gallon run

So that I don't lose
This sale?

So the whole 15 gallons
Looks like this?

That is correct.

Ha!



Mike:
We're just gonna resort back

To doing old-fashioned
Apple brandy.

Narrator: mike and jerry
Shift gears

To save a season in freefall.

Because I've got some
Customers out there,

I don't know
If they'll come back.

There's definitely
Something going on.

Something has definitely
Got to change for us

Or we're done.

We ain't got nothing.

It's real important for us right
Now to keep on running this.

Narrator: and mark banks
On his survival skills

To bait a backwoods feast.

-I got him.
-that'll about fill me up.



Huck:
Good life, ain't it?

Man: this is how
We make the moonshine!

♪♪

You know,
Honestly it feels good.

We got all of our barrels
Is mashed in,

Waiting on them to work.

Digger: I'm digging it.

Killer: digger!

What's that noise?

Narrator:
In cocke county, tennessee...

Mark, digger. Hey, buddy.
Can I come up?

Narrator: ...As they enjoy
Unprecedented profits

From the ongoing production
Of their triple-grain shine,

Mark and digger receive
A surprise visit

From their old friend
Killer beaz.

What up?

Ramsey:
They say no news is good news.

Ever since beaz went through
Our moonshining 101 class,

We really haven't seen much
From him or heard from him much.

You did have
That one incorrect.

Oh.This one, you had it right.

Mark and digger, they scienced
The crap out of it.

Oh, here we go.
-it's good liquor.

-way to go, killer.
-gee, thanks, man.

Our very first graduate.

Your scepter, my friend.

My own coon pecker.
Look at that.

I made a run of liquor
On my own.

Thataboy.

After taking mark and digger's
Moonshining university,

I've gotten more involved
In distilling.

This is killer beaz's
Stinging honey moonshine.

I mean, did you wash
Your drawers out in this?

Well, that's why
It's not perfect.

Digger: seems beaz
Has made some liquor,

But it looks more like cow
Piss than anything.

Honestly, beaz,
The liquor ain't bad,

But it looks worser
Than dog piss.

Let me tell
Y'all what happened.

I flavored it with honey.
I put it in.

I flavored it
After I ran it,

But my honey is settling
To the bottom.

Yeah, and it won't
Stay mixed up.

You can shake it up,
But it'll fuse back...

That's exactly
What's going on.

The thing about it is,
You put this honey in it

You didn't ferment the honey
In the mash beforehand.

Correct.

How much did you make?I made 15 gallons.

Here is the downside.

I have promised to sell
The 15 gallons

Of stinging honey.

I don't know
That I feel right

To deliver that
To somebody.

So the whole 15 gallons
Looks like this?

That is correct.

Can you help me
Save my 15-gallon run

So that I don't
Lose this sale?

What's your recommendation
We fix this?

Well, you know,
What I see happening

Is making a honey mash,

And then once it's done,
When we pour it in the pot,

We'll pour this in
With the mash

And then run from there.

Our hope is that once we make
This honey-mead mash,

We add that liquor that beaz
Has already distilled,

That 15 gallons,

And bring it out
And run it on small pot.

If we do everything right,
It'll clear up,

And hopefully you'll get
An aftertaste

Of that honey on it.

I like...
And crystal clear?

Clear as your glasses.

If all goes as planned,
It should come off

As a white-liquor flavor
On the front end,

But on the back end, it's going
To have that honey sweetness.

We're glad to help you,

But it's not gonna
Come without a cost.

How about everything
Over your 15 you need,

You sell
And push our way?

You throw us the proceeds?

I'll do that deal.

You were taught rather well,
I thought, when we put you...

Well...
...Through the school.

I pretty well see this

As a failure
Right now at this point.

Don't you?

So hand over your pecker.Wait a minute.

Ramsey: I mean, that was part
Of your diploma.

Pass it off to our
Disciplinary office.

That's my pecker,
And it's...

Once we get this done...

We'll let loose
Of your pecker.

You'll let go my pecker.

♪♪

♪♪

Well, I cannot damn believe
We can't get rid of no more

Of this damn fig shine
Than what we're doing, buddy.

Narrator: one county west, deep
Into a disappointing season,

Mike and jerry face the fact

That their locally sourced
Fig shine is a bust.

You know, I've been
Spending days

Trying to peddle this stuff out,

And, you know,
That don't happen with me.

My stuff gets gone
In one or two sales.

Ready to buy some
Damn liquor or what?

Yeah.

I ain't gonna be able
To take all of it, though.

I mean, what's going on?

I mean,
Have you got your liquor

Some damn where else
Or something?

Yeah.

There's somebody out there
Stepping on our toes,

Flooding the market out here,
Taking money out of my pocket

Because, you know, we're
Barely breaking damn even.

I've got this big goal
This season of making $100,000,

But the fig shine
Ain't selling.

You know, maybe some
Of our customers

Just don't like it so much.

We've got to get
Something out there

That everybody
Wants to drink.

We're gonna pick
Our customers back up,

Get our groove back.

Otherwise, our whole
Season is screwed.

It's over with.
It's done.

What if we went to, like,
A apple brandy?

A apple brandy?

Well, everybody
Likes damn apples.

Good seller.

Yeah.

You know, the apple,
It's a reliable seller.

We may not sell it as fast
As what we want to,

But eventually we're going
To get this stuff sold.

That will work.

See if we can't make
Some apple brandy.

It's a damn good idea,
Ain't it?

♪♪

♪♪

-hey, beaz.
-hey, man.

Digger: we don't mind you
Wearing your playground shoes

Out here
In the damn woods,

But I think it's time you put
Your big-boy shoes on.

Killer:
Yeah, you're right, d.

Narrator: in the foothills
Of the smoky mountains...

Here we go, mark.
Give me that thing.

...Mark, digger and killer beaz

Set out to salvage a flawed
Run of honey shine.

Hey, beaz.Yeah, buddy?

I'm gonna take over
This tough job.

What I need you to do right now
Is go get that...

Alright.
Cool, I needed a break.

Go get that bucket of honey
Out of the truck.

We're gonna build a really
Simple honey-mead mash,

Just honey,
Water and yeast.

It's about as simple as it gets.

How the hell do bees fly
With this heavy crap in them?

We got 5 gallons
Of really good honey,

And all we have to do to this

Is put the proper amount
Of water in it

And top it off with our yeast
And let it do what it does.

Ramsey: boy, that's good-looking
Honey, ain't it?

Don't be afraid of it.
It ain't gonna bite you.

Digger:
It ain't gonna bite you.

Mmm.
Damn.

Hold it by the handle.

*bleep* you're gonna
Slosh it out.

I ain't gonna slosh it out.

After killer beaz had told us

Step-by-step
What he had done...

Whoa!

...His mind was
In the right place,

But, you know, his inexperience
Didn't permit him

To follow through
As he had planned.

Let's save a little.

Start stirring it there,
Beaz.

Stir the hell out of it.

I think by doing
This mead mash here

And redistilling
What you've already done,

I think that end result
Is gonna put you

At more of what
Your original idea was.

Just talking about it seems
Like a much classier batch.

Digger:
If everything goes right,

We'll at least get
21 gallon out of this.

Lord, have mercy.

You know, at the end
Of the day,

Beaz is not doing this
To make a living.

He's doing it to keep
The craft alive,

And that's the kind
Of guys we look for.

I hope this
Fixes you up, beaz.

Me, too, man.

We brought him to
A certain point

Where we taught him
The basics,

But this is just basically
A continuation of his education.

We do not clamp
That lid down tight,

And why do
We not do that?

We need carbon dioxide
To be able to escape.

Exactly.

Beaz, we'll see you here
Tomorrow.

So I'm staying here?

Somebody's got to keep the bears
Out of the mash.

Bears love honey.

Bull*bleep*

Let's go.
Get in the truck.

Good lord.

♪♪

♪♪

Narrator:
Across the state line

In graham county,
North carolina,

Mark and huck
Push to increase sales

Of their double-distilled shine

By trying to convince
One of their old-time buyers

That it's worth
The hefty price tag.

Good seeing you again, guys.Yeah, you, too, bud.

-how you been doing?
-pretty good.

Absolutely.

Man, that's good.

That's good eating.

Mark: first thing you want
To do is build you

A pool of water
That'll hold the fish.

Narrator:
...Harnessing mother nature,

The backwoods way.

Mike: you know, jerry,
I'm ready to get this

First run of apple brandy.

You know, everybody
Loves apples.

Yeah.

Get this thing free flowing,
Get that pipe opened up.

We got a little bit of stuff
To work with, don't we?

Hey, you know what?

The first rocket didn't make it
To the moon, so...

It damn sure didn't.

The first airplane
Didn't fly, did it?

Narrator: in sevier county,
Tennessee, mike and jerry

Plan to make up for weak
Sales of their fig moonshine

By running a popular classic,
Apple brandy,

But in order to do so,

They'll have to modify
Their still setup.

The old-timers
Didn't use stumps.

You know, they went
Straight from the pot...

-that is true.
-...To the condenser.

So when you come out
Of our cap,

Just go straight across the top
Of it with a piece of pipe,

Just right down
To the condenser.

Cross-over pipe will
Damn work, won't it?

I mean, you'll get 100%
Of the flavor out of it.

Oh, absolutely.

I'll go ahead and start
Fitting separate pieces.

Alrighty.

In order to do
An old-fashioned apple brandy,

You run straight from your pot
To a condenser

So you can get as much flavor as
You possibly can from the mash

Without putting anything
In between.

So we've come up with a idea.

We're gonna do
A crossover pipe.

We're gonna throw
Some valves in

That will shut all the jars off,

Go straight from the pot
To the condenser.

Jerry: well, I've got to take
Out a piece here

In order to get
A new valve put in.

Mike: the way we're setting
This thing up,

We can either run
Through the jars,

Or we can shut two valves off

And run through
The crossover arm.

Now, we can open and close
Each side of this rig down,

Or we can just run it on
To the condenser.

Jerry: just bypass it
All the way through.

Yeah, just straight up
Corn whiskey if we had to.

We've got this thing
Modified now,

And hopefully make a damn good
Flavorful brandy

And get this stuff sold and get
Some money in our pocket.

There we go.
Looks good to me.

By god, as long as it works,
Ain't that right?

Whew.

♪♪

♪♪

Narrator: two counties south
In north carolina,

The pangs of hunger
Strike mike and huck

As they push ahead to crank out
Runs for a 50-gallon sale.

♪♪

♪♪

We fixing to make
Some damn good apple juice.

You're damn right.

Narrator: across the state line
In tennessee,

Mike and jerry
Plan to overcome weak sales

And encroaching competition

By running one of their old-time
Favorites, apple brandy.

A good amount of apples
Makes a good amount of juice.

Yeah, buddy.

Hope and pray like hell
We can get rid of it.

Well, we got to.

Mike: we're waiting on this
Buddy of jerry's.

He's got stayman apples.

They're one of the oldest breeds
Of apples in this country.

Load them up
On the truck there.

We'll get out of your way.

They're real sugary.

They got a little tart bite,

Something like
A granny smith apple,

But yet a lot sweeter than that.

I do believe, you know,
It's gonna make

A high-quality brandy.

Now we've got enough apples
To run run after run after run.

I need to be selling
Big quantities.

Alright, buddy.

You ready to get
To damn work?

Jerry: not really.

Not really, but we've got
To damn do, don't we?

We've got
To get her up there.

Oh.
Get us some baskets.

I got them right here, buddy.

You working like
A damn conveyor belt.

[ grunts ]

That son of a bitch
Is heavy.

Got a long damn way
To go.

Long way to go, one basket
At a time, it looks like.

Me and jerry have toted and
Wagged stuff up this mountain.

You know, as the season goes on,
Man, we're getting tired.

We've got to find some kind
Of other option

For getting these
Apples up here

On top of the mountain
To the still site.

Set these
Son of bitches down.

Oh, don't worry.
I'm fixing to.

Too damn much trouble,
Buddy.

What if we built something
Like a little...

Like a cable-car-type
System?

We've already
Got the power.

Well, I can tote them
Son of bitches by myself

By the time we get
A pulley system built.

But what about pvc pipe,

Hook a vacuum cleaner
Up there.

You know, how they do
With your money at the bank?

Are you serious?

We've got
To get apples up here.

What, one at a damn time,
Suck them up the mountain?

I think jerry is just not
Wanting to do much walking.

He's wanting to watch the apples
Go up by theirself,

But that ain't gonna happen.

What about some way we can
Both tote at the same time?

Double handles
Or something on it?

Yeah, something like a gurney
Or something, you know?

A gurney
Would probably work.

And we can have twice
As many apples

At the still site
In the same amount of time

That it's taking us
To carry two baskets.

We gonna keep it traditional,
Man them up there,

But man them up there
In a lot better way

To get more apples in our basket
When we get there.

Let's just put our heads
Together and build us something

To make it
A little bit easier on us

Until we can come up
With a bigger plan

When we got way more
Damn time to do it

Because we got
To get liquor running

And get some money
In our pocket.

I'm with you there.

Meantime, let's get
These up to the site.

Oh, my god.

There's peach cobbler moonshine,
Blueberry muffin,

Bananas foster moonshine.
Then you got...

Narrator: ...In tennessee,
It's time to put up or shut up.

This is what it's all
About, boys,

Whether we've made liquor
Or damn buttermilk.

Ramsey: if the mash is ready,

We've got
The right-sized still now

With us to run it on.

[ burps ]
Excuse me.

Ah, did you get
That all over you?

Apparently.

Narrator:
In cocke county, tennessee...

Check her out there, beaz.

Killer: alright.

Narrator: ...Mark, digger and
Beaz are ready to transform

A honey-shine fail
Into a killer concoction.

Digger: I think
It's ready to run.

Digger: well, the mash looks
Good. It's ready to run.

We've just to get
This still assembled.

Go get it, beaz.

This amount of liquid in a big
Still won't come up that far.

So that's not getting up

To the cords
Where it's gonna get heated.

Well, we can't make any liquor
If we don't heat it up.

So we need a smaller still.

So we pull out one of our
One-barrel stills,

And we set it up.

Way to go.

Now, 55 more trips

And you're where
You need to be.

Ramsey: based on a 55-gallon
Capacity of mash, you know,

You can expect
5-to-6-gallon yield.

Now we need the big buckets,
Mr. Beazy.

Oh, we need to put mine
In there.

You've got to remember,
We are including 15 gallons

Of high-proof alcohol in it,

So when you distill it,
You get all that alcohol back.

The hope here is,
Is all that sediment

And all that ugly color is
Gonna go away with this run.

With a subtle and beautiful
Hint of honey.

Alright. Let's get this cap
In place

And start
Pasting everything up.

We've crossed all our t's
And dotted all of our I's,

But there's no sure things

In the backwoods-liquor
Business.

Our hope is that we're gonna
Create somewhere, you know,

On the 20-to-23-gallon
Range of liquor,

But you can't count your
Chickens before they hatch.

It amazes me, all the moonshine
Flavors that are out there.

-there's a lot of them.
-I looked them up, man.

There's apple pie
Moonshine,

Peach cobbler moonshine,

Blueberry muffin
Moonshine,

Bananas foster
Moonshine.

Then you got moonshines
Made out of what it does to you.

Ramsey:
You know, digger and I,

We're kind of like
An old married couple.

We finish each other sentences,
But we go a long time

And not talk for 10 minutes.

Pecan pie moonshine.

I put pecans before I did
My stinging honey.

I tried to...

Beaz can say 3,000 words
In 6 minutes.

I mean, he jabbers
About something all the time.

He don't mean anything by it,
But damn, he don't ever shut up.

Frozen leftover chicken
Wings moonshine.

God almighty.

Wait, wait, wait, look.

Digger: looky there,
And that's what you want.

-wow.
-perfect stream.

Beaz?
Yep.

We got a jar of heads yet?

Yeah, toss that?

Yep.

Watch them salamanders
Do a dance.

That one
Is walking on its tail.

Ramsey:
The liquor is running.

Beaz has tossed his heads out.

What we're catching
In the tub now

Is hopefully the product
That we're looking for.

Jerk us a jar out of there.

Let's take us
A little taste.

This is what
It's all about, boys,

Whether we've made liquor
Or damn buttermilk.

I am so tickled, wow.

Here.

Oh, man.
That's got a great nose.

Really?
Yeah.

Man, that's outstanding.

We've got this liquor run off.

It's perfect.
It's clear as a bell.

By comparison to what beaz
Brought us initially,

From that to a beautiful
Clear liquor,

That's all the difference
In the world.

The fact that it tastes great,
That's a bonus.

Dude, that is fantastic.

Is that kind of
What you had in mind?

It's way better
Than what I had in mind.

The run has done extremely well.

We have beaz's original
15 gallons back,

Bucket it up
With the new mead mash,

Produced a little dab
Over 5 gallons of new liquor,

And honestly,
We couldn't be happier.

Can y'all ride with me
When I go make this sale?

I trust the guy,

But I'm not familiar
With this area.

You just stay
In your vehicle.

I just hate
Going out by myself.

I'm not from up here.

I get it.
Yeah, we'll haul you down there.

We will.
Excellent.

Ramsey: we want to see beaz
See this through to the end.

We want him to shine,
Sort to speak.

Digger: at the end of the day,
You're our first student

And probably our last.

♪♪

Looks good.
About right?

Yeah.
Cut it 12 inches.

Narrator: one county west,
In the smoky mountains,

Mike and jerry
Construct a makeshift stretcher

To haul their apples
Quickly and efficiently

To their still site.

Mike: basically what we're
Building here is like an...

Just an old-time
Gurney-type thing

To haul these damn apples in

Because we've got to double up
On the amount

Of apples
We're carrying at one time

And get them up the mountain
In half the time.

Let's see
How it's gonna work.

Oh, yeah.
So...

This gurney that we're building
Is gonna be real sufficient.

It's light materials,
And it'll carry 150 pounds

Of apples up the mountain
Without breaking.

I think we got something
To work with, don't you?

Let's get her to the woods
And try her out.

Jerry: well, we'll see
If it makes it any easier.

Those baskets were a pain
In the ass.

Alright.
Let's go.

[ grunts ]

That feels better.

Yeah, whew.

Mike: I'm pretty satisfied with
What we've come up with.

It's just gonna do nothing
But help us.

Of course, it's gonna be
Manual labor

Any which way you look at it.

[ grunts ]

There we go.

But we ain't got to look forward
To making double the trips.

Just think about it --
Sales, sales, sales, man.

They gurney is working great.

We've made two trips, and we've
Got plenty to mash in with.

See if we can't get
Some good liquor coming.

-got it?
-I believe that's it, horsefly.

Alright, man.

By golly, we got us
Another full barrel up here.

We're ready to go get the old
French fry machine out,

Make some apple fries.

Well,
I've got a tater cutter

That makes little bitty
Quarter-inch squares.

Slices them real thin
And fine down to the core.

Ha ha!

When you slice them up
The way we're doing,

You extract everything.

You're releasing all
The juices automatically

As opposed to putting a bunch
Of whole apples in a pot.

It just takes longer
To cook it down.

This is just a quicker process.

It breaks down all the sugars
A lot faster

And cuts
Our cooking time in half.

Alrighty.
That's it, brother.

Now we've got to get them cooked
In and get them mashed in.

I'm gonna crank her on up,
Get the fire hot.

How about that?

♪♪

[ laughs ]

It's already looking
Like damn cider.

It is.

This mash is
Gonna be phenomenal.

It's gonna be super sweet.

It's gonna work off good,

And it's gonna bring
A high alcohol content

And a damn good flavor profile.

I'd say it's about ready.

Hot tamale, huh?

Damn right.
That'll burn you, brother.

One way or another, we got
To get some money in our pocket.

There's something or somebody
Out there flooding the market,

And we've got to figure out
Who that is,

But first, we've got
To do something

To get some people
To start buying.

And these stayman apples
That we've got, bar none,

Is some of the best
Apples I've ever used.

The magic dust, makes it
All happen right there.

Yes, sir.

And there's that, bubba.

Mike: the next damn trip
We come up here,

We're gonna be
Running this stuff.

Let's get the hell
Out of here

And go grab us
Some puppy pecker.

You don't like them
Little canned sausage?

I never heard them called
Puppy peckers, though.

Well, just look at them.

[ laughs ]

Narrator: in graham county,
North carolina, as mark and huck

Close in on the 50 gallons
Of double-distilled corn shine

They need for a sale,

Mark breaks away
To check on lunch.

Dadgum it!
[ laughs ]

Ha ha!

Good to the last drop.

Jerry: had a good meal,
Kept on running.

♪♪

♪♪

Mike: let's go check
This mash out.

I'm sure
It's ready to roll.

Narrator: two counties north
In tennessee, mike and jerry

Are ready to run
Their apple brandy to remedy

Lagging sales
And turn their season around.

It looks ready.
Let's get her pumped over.

This run is so important to me
And jerry.

We are down and out.

We ain't made a lot of money
This year,

And we thinking,
You know, with the apples,

Everybody is going
To love this stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Apple brandy, apple pie,
You name it.

They love anything with apples.

We'll switch barrels
Right quick.

Mike: let her fly.

Here she comes.
There we go.

This is gonna be some
Good stuff, right here, pa pa.

We drinking the first
Damn jar of it

Before we get rid of it

Because people is
Gonna buy it and fly it.

Jerry: me and mike is gonna get
This apple brandy run off

Because we know it's gonna be
A good turning point

For our sales,
And we'll get this pumped over

And get this thing fired up
Pumping out some liquor.

Ready to get her
Pasted up?

Mike: in order for us to make
Our goal of 1,000 gallons

And $100,000 in money, we've got
To make their damn mouth water

For this stuff,
You know what I mean?

And the apples are it.

We'll save this for later
In case we have a leak.

No, don't say that.

No leaks.

Everything goes perfect.

You know, me and mike,
We like to have a good time

With anything we do.

The perfect run.
Yeah.

You just ain't fast
Enough.

I'm gonna burn that ass
Up for you.

He tried to get me as I was
Doing a little pasting in,

But, you know, told him,
I said, "I got that third eye.

I've got to keep
An eye on you."

Let's get these barrels
Over here and get them...

Some buckets?Yeah, get them clean.

We better get some ready.
We've got...

Oh, you son of a...

I'm gonna butt...
Oh, damn.

I'm gonna have a blister
On my ass.

As soon as he turned his back,
Got him in action.

This is gonna be
Some good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff,
We're gonna have to find

Some good customers.

We got to find somebody
To sell it to, man.

That's for damn sure.

Oh, oh!
We got her, baby.

Get them heads out of it.

Alrighty.

Get our pair
Put on here.

Yep, let's get it throwed on,
Swing her down.

There we go.
Just let her fill up.

[ whistles ]

It's got the flavor to it,
Don't it?

Yes, man.
I can smell the apples in it.

Mm.

This apple brandy is coming out
Of the condenser just perfect.

We got a nice stream.

It's got the aroma.

I mean, you can smell the apples
In it is strong.

Put the proofing tube
To it.

See where she's at,
Bubba.

About 142, 143.

That's pretty damn good
For a brandy.

That's good for the brandy.

[ whistles ]

Yeah!

Woo-hoo!
What an apple bite.

Yeah, buddy.
I'm liking it.

Mike: this brandy is delicious,
Top-shelf.

It'll bring a good price.

All we got to do is get it
Out there and get it sold.

My main goal right now

Is to get some money
In our pocket,

And my next main goal

Is to find out
What the hell is going on

Right here in our county.Hell yeah.

Because I've got some customers
Out there,

I don't know
If they'll come back.

I'm hoping to gain
Some of them back,

But there's definitely
Something going on.

I've got some loyal customers,
Or so I thought I did,

That bought from me
All the time,

But they've went
Somewhere else.

Ready to swap her?Yep.

So we're sticking with
The apples for the time being

To get our market back up
And get some money in our pocket

And get this stuff sold.

The last one.

I'm loving it, baby.

We're working on 30 damn gallons
Now, ain't we, buddy?

Yeah.

This is some good stuff,
Buddy.

Well, there ain't nobody
Carrying that around town,

I guarantee it.Hell no, they ain't.

I'm real happy with this run.

It's holding the flavor,

And that's what a brandy is all
About is the flavor profile,

Not the amount of alcohol.

It's a glorious sight
To see.

We've just got to find
Some customers to get it, now.

We got to get out there
And hustle, man,

And get it sold.

Name of the game.

♪♪

I didn't get this damn nose
In the shape it's in

From dancing.

I mean, look how
Off-centered it is.

We was putting up a tent,
And I shoved

That center point up,
And I heard it turn lose.

Turn around like that
And I met it, bam.

It's slapped it plumb around
Here, on your...

Oh, it was on my cheek.
It was over here.

I looked in that mirror
And I said, "Son of a bitch,"

And it was swollen up
At that time.

It looked like karl malden
On steroids.

It's a wonder you ain't
Damn cross-eyed.

Yeah, it's...
Sometimes it *bleep* with me.

I got one of them mirrors
And I...

You know, I got it
To where it's at now.

You ever think about getting
That damn thing

All straightened out
And get you a nose job?

I probably ain't through
Getting it busted up yet.

You are still married,
Ain't you?

That's exactly right.Oh, lord.

Narrator: mark and digger
Continue sweetening their pot

As they close in
On 1,000 gallons.

Mike and jerry are nearly
Halfway to their gallon goal,

But slow sales leave them
Holding thousand of dollars

In inventory,
While mark and huck

Catch a whopper of a sale
That puts them just under 300.

Jerry:
How do you know this guy?

You dealt with him before?Yeah, yeah.

I've sold him some liquor
In the past,

And he usually buys
A good bit,

But this time he only wants
5 gallons, you know?

Narrator:
In sevier county, tennessee,

Disappointing sales of their
Apple brandy have pushed mark

And jerry's season goal
Far out of reach.

We trying to make
A couple of sales.

We're selling to this one guy.

He usually picks up 20,
25 gallons at a time...

We got you 5 gallons here.
-my guy.

I wish you could have bought a
Little bit more from us, buddy.

...But this time he wants
5 damn gallons.

I mean, come on.

See you, man.

Jerry: get on over
To sila's place and...

Sell another one,
3 quarts.

5 gallons here and 3 quarts
There, I mean, what the hell?

I don't need to be doing this.

Be $105.
-here you go, brother.

Appreciate you, brother.

You know, me and jerry,

We've been working our
*bleep* off all damn season.

We've got this fig.
It ain't sold.

We got the apple.
*bleep* it ain't selling.

We're running out
Of damn money here.

I don't know
What we gonna do.

Our season may be over.

If we don't come up
With something, we're done.

I mean, we go from
50 gallons at a time

To 3 damn quarts?

Something's going on
That I can't explain.

There's somebody out there
Stepping on our toes,

You know, running liquor
In our back door.

We don't even know who it is,
But we bound to figure it out.

We'll go stash some more of our
Liquor that we can't get sold.

Let's get out here
And get her unloaded, bubba.

Man, I'm so damn frustrated
Right now and upset.

We're not selling anything
Right now.

We're having to bring it to this
Old tobacco barn I know about.

It's way back in the damn woods,
A good place to stash alcohol.

Almost 140 gallons' worth
Of alcohol sitting in this barn.

Too damn much, ain't it?

We've got to get this stuff
Sold, man.

Geez.

Jerry: we need this money
In our bank...

Bad.
...In our pockets

Instead of up here
In this old tobacco barn.

Something is definitely got
To change for us or we're done.

I don't care what
We've got to do.

The only thing I won't do
To get rid of it

Is negotiate down
Price, nope.

Let's get out of here.

♪♪

♪♪

My buyer is one
Of my fellow comedians,

And they love
This kind of stuff.

Digger: well, I like it better
When we're dealing

With somebody
We know, anyhow.

Ramsey: right.

Narrator: one county east,
It's the moment of truth

For killer beaz's honey shine

As mark and digger
Accompany him on the sale.

Getting close.

Killer: yeah, we are, man.
I'm watching my gps.

You'll be turning
To the right up here.

We're just here
For moral support.

We're gonna go
Just to make him feel

A little more confident
In himself.

If he feels more secure with me
And digger being there, then,

You know,
We're alright with that.

Well, that looks
Like your boy.

Killer: yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, cool.

We're just gonna
Sit here, beaz,

And let you go
Do your business.

We'll keep an eye
Over your shoulder and...

Yep.

I'm gonna take this sample jar
And one of those buckets,

And then I'll come grab
The others if he likes it.

Okay.
Take your time.

You know, this is beaz's puppy,
And he's got to watch it.

He knows the guy.

He's pretty certain he's not
Gonna rob him.

So we just let him go.

That old boy looks like
He could drink

Some damn liquor,
Don't he?

Killer: hey, buddy.
How are you doing, man?

Look at him.

He's like a little damn
Bantam rooster.

Digger: he is.

Ramsey: beaz is feeling real
Confident in himself

Because when he got out
Of the truck,

He walked up carrying a sample
Jar plus a bucket of liquor.

Killer:
Ah, good to see you, dude.

He is convinced in his mind that
The buyer is gonna like it.

This is the killer beaz
Stinging honey,

And let's see if it meets
Your approval there.

This is it, man.

Man #2:
Yeah, that's pretty good.

That is good, isn't it?That is good.

You got that honey
On the back end.

Yep, yeah.

We're gonna do the deal?

Yeah, we'll do the deal.Alright.

I'll go get the other
10 gallons.

Okay, cool.

Ramsey:
That's a good sign.

Beaz ain't never moved
That damn fast.

The guy takes him
A little sip of liquor.

Beaz comes hustling back and
Gets two more buckets of liquor.

Once we see that that wad
Of money comes out,

We know that
We've done our job here.

Excellent, thank you
Very much, man.

Thank you, appreciate it.Alright. Keep that.

That's a gift.

He's excited to death.

Alright.
That went great.

Digger: now, where is
Your sample jar?

I tipped him that sample jar.

You wasn't supposed
To do that.

We need that back.

Well, I'll get you one.

Ramsey: he's just screwing
With you, beaz.

It's alright you give him
That sample jar.

Here is what I want to do.

We got 20 gallons out of the
Run, so there's 5 gallons left.

What I want to do is go ahead
And just buy that

From you for that 5 gallons.

We're going up to $250
A gallon on there.

Of course you did.

You know, we're always glad
To take money,

But the thing here was we was
Able to help out a friend.

Alright.
There you go, brother.

And the place that killer beaz
Is right now,

I think he's ready
To move forward without us.

I humbly return you
Your pecker.

Excellent.

Any more screwups will again

Forfeit your pecker
In the future.

Well,
I want to avoid that.

Narrator:
Next time on "Moonshiners"...

You just mind bending your arm
Like you're holding a drink?

Oh, yeah, I can do that.

Narrator: tickle has got
A big announcement,

But a walk down the aisle
Could make prison

Seem like a walk
In the park.

What do you think?
Check it out.

You spin any more,
I'm gonna get dizzy.

Mike: you know, jerry,
We may have to bite

The bullet a little bit.

Jerry: I just don't want to chew
On the whole damn gun.

Narrator: mike and jerry learn
The hard way

Why smart shiners
Don't include delivery.

We have
No other damn choice

But to get out here
And bootleg it ourselves, man.

This son of a bitch.

Jerry: just stay calm
And stay the speed limit.

Man #3: if you're feeling real
Good, can I get a hell yeah?

All: hell yeah!

Narrator:
And josh bets all his chips

That sin city
Needs one more vice.

We got a 5-week tour,
So we're gonna need a lot.

Man #4: well, you think
You can make us some?