Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969–1974): Season 4, Episode 1 - The Golden Age of Ballooning - full transcript
The Montgolfier brothers prepare for the first balloon flight.
The golden age of ballooning
can be said to begin in 1783...
When the montgolfier brothers
made their first ascent
In a fire balloon.
On the eve of that...
Oh, come on.
Momentous ascent
The brothers took one last look
at their craft
As it stood on the fields
of annecy.
This is a great moment
for us, joseph.
It is a great moment
for france.
Ah, oui.
The first ascent
in a hot air balloon
By the montgolfier
brothers, 1783.
I can see us now
Just after "montesquieu"
and just before "mozart."
I think
I'll go and wash.
Good luck.
It's quite easy,
really.
I just slap a little
water on my face...
No, no, no.
Good luck for tomorrow.
Oh, I see, yes.
You, too.
Yours has been
the work.
Let us hope
for a safe ascent.
And don't use my flannel.
You know, when you showed me
the plans in paris
I could not believe
that we should be
The first men
who would fly.
Yes, it's wonderful.
I'm so excited,
I could hardly wash.
Yes, i, too, have had
some difficulty washing
These past few days.
Still, what is washing
when we are on the verge
Of a great scientific
breakthrough?
Jacques...
Yes, joseph?
I've not been washing
very thoroughly
For many years now.
What do you mean?
You must have been
washing your face.
Oh, yes, my face.
I wash my face.
But my legs, my stomach,
my chest-- they're filthy.
Well... I don't wash
my stomach every day.
Ah, but you wash
far more than me.
You are the cleaner of
the montgolfier brothers.
This is nothing, joseph.
Monsieur
montgolfier
A mr. parfitt to see you, sir.
No, no, no,
bartlett.
A mr. barklit
to see you, sir.
No, bartlett,
with a "t."
A mister...
Barr-at-elett to see you, sir.
Bartlett.
Barkit.
Bartlett.
Barlit... bartlett.
A mr. bartlett
to see you, sir.
I don't want to see
anyone, o'toole.
Tell him to go away.
Thank you, sir.
Well, it's
getting late.
I must go
and have a wash.
What will you be washing?
Oh, just my face and neck.
Perhaps my feet
and possibly... but no!
Lock up the plans,
joseph.
Tomorrow, they will make us
the toast of france.
The first ascent by
the montgolfier brothers
In a balloon
Just after "ballcock"
and just before "bang."
What a position.
So on june 7, 1783
The montgolfier brothers had
a really good wash.
Starting on his face and arms
Joseph michael montgolfier
went on to scrub his torso
His legs and his naughty bits,
before rinsing his whole body.
That june night, he and
his brother between them
Washed 17 square feet
of body area.
They used a kilo and a half
of carbolic soap
And nearly 14 gallons
of nice hot water.
It was indeed
an impressive sight.
Next week on
the golden age of ballooning
We examine the work
of glaisher and coxwell
The english balloonists
Who ascended to a height
of seven miles in 1862
Without washing.
There's also a book called
the golden age of ballooning
Published by the bbc
to coincide with the series.
It's in an attractive
hand-tooled binding
Is priced five pounds
And failure to buy it
will make you liable
To a 50 fine
or three months in prison.
There's also a record
of someone reading the book
Ofthe golden age of ballooning
A crochet-work bedspread
With the words "the golden age
of ballooning" on it
Available from the bbc,
price 18
Or five months' imprisonment
And matching toilet seat covers
and courtesy mats
With illustrations of many
of the balloons mentioned.
Also available is
a life-size model frog
Which croaks the words
"golden age of ballooning"
And an attractive bakelite case
For storing motorway
construction plans in
Made in the shape
of a balloon.
And now, another chance
to see episode two
Of the award-winning series
the golden age of ballooning.
Oh, joseph...
All you think about
is balloons.
All you talk about
is balloons.
Your beautiful house is
Full of bits and pieces
of balloons.
Your books are
all about balloons.
Every time
you sing a song
It is in some way obliquely
connected with balloons.
Everything you eat
Has to have
the word "balloon"
Incorporated
in the title.
Your dogs are all
called balloono.
You tie balloons
to your ankles in the evenings.
I don't do that.
Well, no, you don't do that
But you do duck down
and shout, "hey, balloons!"
When there are none about.
Your whole life
is becoming
Obsessively balloonic,
you know.
Why do I have
to hang
From this bloody
gas bag all day?
Don't I mean anything
to you?
Oh, ma cherie,
you mean more to me
Than any heavier-than-air
dirigible...
Oh, there you go again!
Don't waggle!
I've run your bath
for you, joseph.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize...
It's all right.
We've done the difficult bit.
Well, don't forget
We have our special guest
coming this evening.
Oh?
Don't tell me you've
forgotten already.
The man who is giving us
thousands of francs
For experiments.
What man?
Louis xiv.
Isn't he dead?
Evidently not.
All right, I'll be round.
Oh... and, joseph?
Yes, jacques.
You will... wash, won't you?
Yes, of course.
His royal majesty,
louis xiv of france.
And mr. bartlett.
Your majesty, it is
a great privilege.
Welcome to our humble abode.
It's, uh... very nice
to be here.
O'toole...
Sir?
A claret for
his majesty, please.
There's a mr. bartlett outside
again, sir.
Not now, I can't see him.
We have the king
of france here.
Yes, sir.
Your majesty, you've had
a pleasant journey, I trust?
Yes, yes,
oh, definitely, yes, yes.
Oh, aye... aye.
You have come from paris?
Where?
From paris--
you have traveled from paris?
Oh, yes, yes, we've come
from... from paris, yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes, we've just come from...
yeah, yeah, paris, yes.
Sir?
Yes, o'toole.
Which one is
the claret, sir?
The claret is in the decanter.
The wooden thing?
No, no, the glass thing.
The glass decanter
with the round glass stopper.
Oh, yes, behind the door.
No, no... on the sideboard.
The sideboard?
The sideboard, yes.
Look, you go into
the salle a manger
The dining room, right?
And the sideboard's
on your left by the wall.
Beside the
master's portrait.
Ah! above
the mirror, sir.
No, no, no, no, the mirror's
on the other side.
It's opposite the mirror.
But that's
the table, sir.
No, you don't go
as far as the table...
You go into the room, right?
On your right is the door
to the orangery
Straight ahead of you is
the door to the library
And to your left
is the sideboard.
Ah, yes, I see, sir.
And the claret is on top of
the sideboard, to the left.
On the left.
Yes.
As one looks
at it, sir?
Yes.
I see, sir--
thank you.
O'toole.
Yes, sir?
Will you please
tell monsieur joseph
Our guest is here?
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry about that,
your majesty.
Apparently, sir,
there is a plan
To build a canal between
the two egyptian towns...
Not now, o'toole.
Well, eh... mr. montgolfier
Let's not beat
around the bush.
My dukes and I are
very busy men.
What we'd like to do is
see the plans
Of your proposed balloon
if that's at all possible.
Certainly,
your majesty.
I have them here
ready prepared.
Oh, great, hen.
What we'd like to do is
take these back wi' us
For the royal archives of, er...
France.
France, aye.
Well, it is indeed a great honor,
your majesty
That I cannot
refuse.
Right, okay, let's get 'em.
Just a moment!
Joseph!
That man is not louis xiv.
Joseph, are you
out of your mind?
I've been looking it up
in my bath.
Louis xiv died in 1717.
It's now 1783.
Answer me that.
Did I say louis xiv?
I'm sorry, I meant louis xv,
louis xv.
He died in 1774.
All right, louis xvi.
Listen to me, smartarse.
When you're king of france,
you've got better things to do
Than go around all day
remembering your bloody number.
Do you want to argue
about numbers?
No, no.
Well, let's get hold
of these plans
For the royal archives.
We've got to get back
to, er...
Paris.
Paris by tonight,
so come on, get a move.
I got as far as
the sideboard, sir.
Hey, stop them!
stop them!
No news on the canal,
I'm afraid, sir
But apparently in india
They're thinking of
building a railway
Between the towns
of lahore...
Will louis xiv get away
With the montgolfiers'
precious plans?
Is 16 years of work
To be stolen
by this suspect sovereign?
Is france really in the grip
of a glaswegian monarch?
Watch next week's episode of
the golden age of ballooning.
Now...
So now that the government
has collapsed
And shown itself incapable
Of providing any kind
of unifying force
I feel that we do need
the kind of stability
And the breathing space
That a military presence
would provide.
Lord interest.
Yes, I agree the army should
take over
But I think it should not
interfere with the program
Of street executions
Which I feel have been
the shot in the arm
That the british economy
so desperately needed.
Yes, the montgolfier brothers'
plans did indeed turn up
Six months later,
and a long way from paris
At the court of
king george iii of england.
"titty was very worried.
"where could mary be?
"he looked everywhere--
"under the stones
and behind the bushes.
"and mr. squirrel helped him
by looking up in the trees.
And mr. badger helped him
by looking under the ground..."
And so, your majesty,
we the commons
Do herein crave
and beseech that...
Your majesty,
louis xviii is here.
Who is louis xviii?
He's the king of france,
your majesty.
And this is a great moment
to have, sir.
There is no louis xviii.
Psst.
...tell him
it's louis xvii.
He craves your majesty's pardon.
He has had a long journey here
and miscounted.
He is louis xvii.
Louis xvi is
dead already?
Your majesty,
I'm louis xvi.
Oh, christ.
Your majesty, I'm louis xvi
As you so rightly say
And I don't want
to muck about.
I've got a wee proposition
Which could make
the name of george iv
The most respected
in europe.
George iii.
George iii, sorry.
Where can we talk?
Did you see that?
We shall have a state banquet
at st. james's palace.
No, I don't want
to hang about.
Take it or leave it,
you know.
I've got to get back to, er...
Paris.
Paris by tonight,
you know.
Must you leave us,
louis?
I'd rather just sell the plans
and nip off, georgie boy.
Well, all right,
we shall buy the plans
If you will undertake
To disengage your troops
in america.
Do what?
And I shall give you funt 10,000
for the plans.
funt10,000!
Right, all right.
We'll disengage the, um...
You know, what you said.
We'll disengage 'em.
I'll tell you what, hen.
I'll put a duke
onto it, okay?
Right.
That's the worst thing
you can do to anybody.
You asked for it, sonny.
You could have broke
my bloody nose.
I'll break your...
North! please!
You saw it.
It was right
on the bone.
North, will you send
for the duke of portland?
We have a financial matter
to discuss.
Well, it
really hurt.
No, look here,
I think it's better
If you give the money to us
You know, we're going back.
We've got a bag.
No, don't
worry, louis.
We shall talk
to your monsieur necker.
Well, actually, we'd rather
you didn't, you know.
We've been having a wee bit
of trouble with him recently
You know what I mean?
Monsieur necker?
The man who introduced
so many valuable reforms
And proved
so popular
Despite his opposition
To mirabeau's policy
of issuing "assignats"?
Aye, yeah.
But the trouble is, he's been
drinking a bit recently.
You know, 14 lagers
wi' his breakfast
That sort of thing.
Well, very
well, louis.
Just a moment!
Oh, christ!
What are you doing?
I am joseph montgolfier
The inventor
of the fire balloon.
The man before you
Is an impostor.
Oh, no, I am not, honestly.
No, no, no, not you,
your majesty.
This man.
This louis the so-called
king of france man.
What number did he give you
this time?
Louis xxiii?
I got it right.
Yeah, I bet you took
a few guesses.
Listen, you spotty
sassenach pillock.
Your majesty,
the ronettes are here.
And mr. bartlett.
George iii
Oh, yeah!
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii...
Oh, dear, I'm not supposed
to go mad until 1800.
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii...
Joseph has been gone
for six months now.
We have
heard nothing.
He can look
after himself.
Oh, but he had only
on a towel, you know.
Antoinette
From now on, there is only
one montgolfier brother.
But louis xiv has the plans.
Oh, you must wait
until joseph returns.
The plans are here, cherie.
Let me put my tongue
in your mouth.
What do you mean?
Well, we're supposed
to be french, aren't we?
No, no, no.
I mean,
what are the plans
Which joseph after
is chasing?
Please, let me put it
in a little way.
Oh, jacques, ze plans!
I take it out
if you don't like it.
Are you sure
The claret was on the left of
the sideboard, sir?
Yes, o'toole, it's
always been there.
Well, I'll look
for one more month, sir.
Please let me
put it...
By the way, sir, mr. bartlett
has gone, sir.
He said he couldn't
wait any longer.
Thank you,
o'toole.
Not at all, sir,
I've enjoyed being in it.
Right.
Thank you, sir...
mam'selle.
By the way, sir
Mr. bartlett
has gone, sir.
He said he couldn't
wait any longer, sir.
Thank you,
o'toole.
Not at all, sir.
I've enjoyed
being in it.
Right.
Thank you, sir...
mam'selle.
More! more! more!
"george iii" was arranged
and composed by neil innes.
He is available from the bbc
Price four pounds or
eight months' imprisonment.
That was episode three of
the golden age of ballooning.
May I remind you
that there's still time
To get your golden age
of ballooning suppositories
Direct from the bbc, price
4.50 or 19 for a set of six.
Well, in a moment, the bbc will
be closing down for the night.
But first, here is
a party political broadcast
On behalf of
the norwegian party.
Highlights of that broadcast
will be discussed later
By lord george-brown,
ex-foreign secretary;
Mr. sven olafson, the ex-
norwegian minister of finance;
Sir charles ollendorff
Ex-chairman of
the norwegian trades council;
Mr. hamish mclavell,
the mayor of wick
The nearest
large town to norway;
Mrs. betty norday
Whose name sounds
remarkably like "norway";
Mr. brian waynor, whose name
is an anagram of "norway";
Mr. and mrs. ford,
whose name sounds like "fjord"
Of which
there are a lot in norway;
Ron and christine boslo...
Ferdinand von zeppelin was born
in constance in 1838
The brother of barry zeppelin
The least talented
of the 14 zeppelin brothers.
Meanwhile, for
ferdinand von zeppelin
The year 1908 was
a year of triumph.
Herr zeppelin,
it's vonderful!
It's put ballooning
right back on ze map.
It's not a balloon,
do you hear?!
It's not a balloon,
it's an airship!
An airship, do you hear?
Well, it's
very nice, anyway.
Tell me, what is
The principle
of these balloons?
It's not a balloon
You stupid,
thick-headed saxon git!
It's not a balloon!
Balloons is for
kiddy-winkies.
If you want to play with
balloons, get outside.
"yorkshire
pudding...
A type of thick pancake, eaten
with large..."
I hear you are to name
the balloon after bismarck.
"bismarck"? of course I'm not
calling it after bismarck.
It's a "zeppelin."
It's nothing to do
with bloody bismarck!
Surely he gave you
some money for it?
Get outside!
"za... bag... lione...
A sort of cream mouse...
mousse of italian origin."
Ferdinand, that was
a minister of state
You just threw out
of the balloon.
It's not
a balloon!
It's an airship!
All right, I'm sorry.
All right, go
and have a look.
No, I'm fine here,
thank you.
"zucchini...
italian marrows..."
"zingara... a garnish
of finely chopped
Or shredded
lean ham..."
"tongue..."
"mushrooms
and truffles."
"zakuski, a russian
hors d'oeuvre, served..."
"with tiny pieces
of sliced..."
Oh, look, it's the chancellor!
What? prince von bulow? here?
Ja!
Coming here?
No, he is here.
Oh, I must go and
put my old uniform on.
He won't
notice, helmut.
He's dead.
Dead?
Here?
Ja, in our sitting room.
This is our sitting room, dear.
Ja, well, you know what I mean.
The drawing room.
Ja, well, it's
a kind of sitting room.
Well...
Look!
Which one is von bulow?
Here, look!
Oh, ja!
Oh, und admiral tirpitz!
Oh, ja, ja!
And von muller
and herr reichner...
Oh, ja!
And hollweg
and von graunberg...
That is
not graunberg.
Das ist graunberg.
Das ist moltke.
Oh, ja!
He's a lot older
than I thought.
He's a
clever man, ja.
And zimmermann...
and... and kimpte.
Oh, kimpte, ja.
What shall
we do, helmut?
We must ring the government.
This is the
government, helmut.
Oh, dear!
It is a great honor to have so
many members of the government
Dead in our sitting room.
Drawing room.
Ja, well...
No members of the government
are dead in our sitting room.
Ja, you know what I mean.
Well...
Perhaps I should make
A little speech,
or something.
No, not a speech,
helmut, no.
Shall we make them
a cup of tea?
It would be
a waste of tea.
But we must
do something.
So many important people
in our drawing room--
We must do something!
We could sort
them out.
And make a little list.
Ja, ja, ja.
Good, we could put the ministers
for internal affairs
Over against the wall
And for those for internal,
here by the clock.
And we can sort them out
alphabetically?
Nein, nein, nein.
We just put the cleanest
by the door.
Here we are.
No, no, no, that is...
that's von bulow.
He must go over here.
But that is
my reading chair.
He is the reich chancellor
of germany, helmut.
All right, all right
But I think he would
have been better
Up against
the clock, you know.
No, he would not look
nice under the clock.
I did not say
under the clock
I said against
the clock.
Well, then we could not
see the clock!
We put the minister for
the colonies under the clock.
He's small.
No, the colonies are
internal affairs.
He must go against the wall!
Education.
Ah!
Soon we'll be able
to make a list.
Oh, ja, ja.
Wait a minute.
Who's that by
the cat litter?
I don't know!
I've never seen
him before!
He is not a member of
the government.
Get him out of here.
Put him in the drawing room.
He's in the drawing room,
my dear.
Ja, well, you know what I mean.
Put him in the sitting room.
You can put him
in the sitting room
If he's in
the drawing room.
Count ferdinand
von zeppelin's behavior
On that flight in 1900
Had incredible,
far-reaching consequences
For one of
the fallen ministers--
The talented herr von maintlitz
Architect of the new german
expansionist farm policy--
Fell on top of an old lady in
nimwegen, killing her outright.
Her daughter, alice, suffered
severe cerebral damage
From the talented minister's
heavy briefcase
But was nursed back to life by
an english doctor, henderson.
Eventually, they married
And their eldest son,
george henderson
Was the father
of mike henderson
Producer and director
Ofthe golden age
of ballooning.
...mr. and mrs. rita trondheim;
reginald bo-sankway
Who would be next to norway
in a rhyming dictionary
If it included proper names
And if he pronounced his name
like that.
can be said to begin in 1783...
When the montgolfier brothers
made their first ascent
In a fire balloon.
On the eve of that...
Oh, come on.
Momentous ascent
The brothers took one last look
at their craft
As it stood on the fields
of annecy.
This is a great moment
for us, joseph.
It is a great moment
for france.
Ah, oui.
The first ascent
in a hot air balloon
By the montgolfier
brothers, 1783.
I can see us now
Just after "montesquieu"
and just before "mozart."
I think
I'll go and wash.
Good luck.
It's quite easy,
really.
I just slap a little
water on my face...
No, no, no.
Good luck for tomorrow.
Oh, I see, yes.
You, too.
Yours has been
the work.
Let us hope
for a safe ascent.
And don't use my flannel.
You know, when you showed me
the plans in paris
I could not believe
that we should be
The first men
who would fly.
Yes, it's wonderful.
I'm so excited,
I could hardly wash.
Yes, i, too, have had
some difficulty washing
These past few days.
Still, what is washing
when we are on the verge
Of a great scientific
breakthrough?
Jacques...
Yes, joseph?
I've not been washing
very thoroughly
For many years now.
What do you mean?
You must have been
washing your face.
Oh, yes, my face.
I wash my face.
But my legs, my stomach,
my chest-- they're filthy.
Well... I don't wash
my stomach every day.
Ah, but you wash
far more than me.
You are the cleaner of
the montgolfier brothers.
This is nothing, joseph.
Monsieur
montgolfier
A mr. parfitt to see you, sir.
No, no, no,
bartlett.
A mr. barklit
to see you, sir.
No, bartlett,
with a "t."
A mister...
Barr-at-elett to see you, sir.
Bartlett.
Barkit.
Bartlett.
Barlit... bartlett.
A mr. bartlett
to see you, sir.
I don't want to see
anyone, o'toole.
Tell him to go away.
Thank you, sir.
Well, it's
getting late.
I must go
and have a wash.
What will you be washing?
Oh, just my face and neck.
Perhaps my feet
and possibly... but no!
Lock up the plans,
joseph.
Tomorrow, they will make us
the toast of france.
The first ascent by
the montgolfier brothers
In a balloon
Just after "ballcock"
and just before "bang."
What a position.
So on june 7, 1783
The montgolfier brothers had
a really good wash.
Starting on his face and arms
Joseph michael montgolfier
went on to scrub his torso
His legs and his naughty bits,
before rinsing his whole body.
That june night, he and
his brother between them
Washed 17 square feet
of body area.
They used a kilo and a half
of carbolic soap
And nearly 14 gallons
of nice hot water.
It was indeed
an impressive sight.
Next week on
the golden age of ballooning
We examine the work
of glaisher and coxwell
The english balloonists
Who ascended to a height
of seven miles in 1862
Without washing.
There's also a book called
the golden age of ballooning
Published by the bbc
to coincide with the series.
It's in an attractive
hand-tooled binding
Is priced five pounds
And failure to buy it
will make you liable
To a 50 fine
or three months in prison.
There's also a record
of someone reading the book
Ofthe golden age of ballooning
A crochet-work bedspread
With the words "the golden age
of ballooning" on it
Available from the bbc,
price 18
Or five months' imprisonment
And matching toilet seat covers
and courtesy mats
With illustrations of many
of the balloons mentioned.
Also available is
a life-size model frog
Which croaks the words
"golden age of ballooning"
And an attractive bakelite case
For storing motorway
construction plans in
Made in the shape
of a balloon.
And now, another chance
to see episode two
Of the award-winning series
the golden age of ballooning.
Oh, joseph...
All you think about
is balloons.
All you talk about
is balloons.
Your beautiful house is
Full of bits and pieces
of balloons.
Your books are
all about balloons.
Every time
you sing a song
It is in some way obliquely
connected with balloons.
Everything you eat
Has to have
the word "balloon"
Incorporated
in the title.
Your dogs are all
called balloono.
You tie balloons
to your ankles in the evenings.
I don't do that.
Well, no, you don't do that
But you do duck down
and shout, "hey, balloons!"
When there are none about.
Your whole life
is becoming
Obsessively balloonic,
you know.
Why do I have
to hang
From this bloody
gas bag all day?
Don't I mean anything
to you?
Oh, ma cherie,
you mean more to me
Than any heavier-than-air
dirigible...
Oh, there you go again!
Don't waggle!
I've run your bath
for you, joseph.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't realize...
It's all right.
We've done the difficult bit.
Well, don't forget
We have our special guest
coming this evening.
Oh?
Don't tell me you've
forgotten already.
The man who is giving us
thousands of francs
For experiments.
What man?
Louis xiv.
Isn't he dead?
Evidently not.
All right, I'll be round.
Oh... and, joseph?
Yes, jacques.
You will... wash, won't you?
Yes, of course.
His royal majesty,
louis xiv of france.
And mr. bartlett.
Your majesty, it is
a great privilege.
Welcome to our humble abode.
It's, uh... very nice
to be here.
O'toole...
Sir?
A claret for
his majesty, please.
There's a mr. bartlett outside
again, sir.
Not now, I can't see him.
We have the king
of france here.
Yes, sir.
Your majesty, you've had
a pleasant journey, I trust?
Yes, yes,
oh, definitely, yes, yes.
Oh, aye... aye.
You have come from paris?
Where?
From paris--
you have traveled from paris?
Oh, yes, yes, we've come
from... from paris, yes.
Oh, yes.
Yes, we've just come from...
yeah, yeah, paris, yes.
Sir?
Yes, o'toole.
Which one is
the claret, sir?
The claret is in the decanter.
The wooden thing?
No, no, the glass thing.
The glass decanter
with the round glass stopper.
Oh, yes, behind the door.
No, no... on the sideboard.
The sideboard?
The sideboard, yes.
Look, you go into
the salle a manger
The dining room, right?
And the sideboard's
on your left by the wall.
Beside the
master's portrait.
Ah! above
the mirror, sir.
No, no, no, no, the mirror's
on the other side.
It's opposite the mirror.
But that's
the table, sir.
No, you don't go
as far as the table...
You go into the room, right?
On your right is the door
to the orangery
Straight ahead of you is
the door to the library
And to your left
is the sideboard.
Ah, yes, I see, sir.
And the claret is on top of
the sideboard, to the left.
On the left.
Yes.
As one looks
at it, sir?
Yes.
I see, sir--
thank you.
O'toole.
Yes, sir?
Will you please
tell monsieur joseph
Our guest is here?
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry about that,
your majesty.
Apparently, sir,
there is a plan
To build a canal between
the two egyptian towns...
Not now, o'toole.
Well, eh... mr. montgolfier
Let's not beat
around the bush.
My dukes and I are
very busy men.
What we'd like to do is
see the plans
Of your proposed balloon
if that's at all possible.
Certainly,
your majesty.
I have them here
ready prepared.
Oh, great, hen.
What we'd like to do is
take these back wi' us
For the royal archives of, er...
France.
France, aye.
Well, it is indeed a great honor,
your majesty
That I cannot
refuse.
Right, okay, let's get 'em.
Just a moment!
Joseph!
That man is not louis xiv.
Joseph, are you
out of your mind?
I've been looking it up
in my bath.
Louis xiv died in 1717.
It's now 1783.
Answer me that.
Did I say louis xiv?
I'm sorry, I meant louis xv,
louis xv.
He died in 1774.
All right, louis xvi.
Listen to me, smartarse.
When you're king of france,
you've got better things to do
Than go around all day
remembering your bloody number.
Do you want to argue
about numbers?
No, no.
Well, let's get hold
of these plans
For the royal archives.
We've got to get back
to, er...
Paris.
Paris by tonight,
so come on, get a move.
I got as far as
the sideboard, sir.
Hey, stop them!
stop them!
No news on the canal,
I'm afraid, sir
But apparently in india
They're thinking of
building a railway
Between the towns
of lahore...
Will louis xiv get away
With the montgolfiers'
precious plans?
Is 16 years of work
To be stolen
by this suspect sovereign?
Is france really in the grip
of a glaswegian monarch?
Watch next week's episode of
the golden age of ballooning.
Now...
So now that the government
has collapsed
And shown itself incapable
Of providing any kind
of unifying force
I feel that we do need
the kind of stability
And the breathing space
That a military presence
would provide.
Lord interest.
Yes, I agree the army should
take over
But I think it should not
interfere with the program
Of street executions
Which I feel have been
the shot in the arm
That the british economy
so desperately needed.
Yes, the montgolfier brothers'
plans did indeed turn up
Six months later,
and a long way from paris
At the court of
king george iii of england.
"titty was very worried.
"where could mary be?
"he looked everywhere--
"under the stones
and behind the bushes.
"and mr. squirrel helped him
by looking up in the trees.
And mr. badger helped him
by looking under the ground..."
And so, your majesty,
we the commons
Do herein crave
and beseech that...
Your majesty,
louis xviii is here.
Who is louis xviii?
He's the king of france,
your majesty.
And this is a great moment
to have, sir.
There is no louis xviii.
Psst.
...tell him
it's louis xvii.
He craves your majesty's pardon.
He has had a long journey here
and miscounted.
He is louis xvii.
Louis xvi is
dead already?
Your majesty,
I'm louis xvi.
Oh, christ.
Your majesty, I'm louis xvi
As you so rightly say
And I don't want
to muck about.
I've got a wee proposition
Which could make
the name of george iv
The most respected
in europe.
George iii.
George iii, sorry.
Where can we talk?
Did you see that?
We shall have a state banquet
at st. james's palace.
No, I don't want
to hang about.
Take it or leave it,
you know.
I've got to get back to, er...
Paris.
Paris by tonight,
you know.
Must you leave us,
louis?
I'd rather just sell the plans
and nip off, georgie boy.
Well, all right,
we shall buy the plans
If you will undertake
To disengage your troops
in america.
Do what?
And I shall give you funt 10,000
for the plans.
funt10,000!
Right, all right.
We'll disengage the, um...
You know, what you said.
We'll disengage 'em.
I'll tell you what, hen.
I'll put a duke
onto it, okay?
Right.
That's the worst thing
you can do to anybody.
You asked for it, sonny.
You could have broke
my bloody nose.
I'll break your...
North! please!
You saw it.
It was right
on the bone.
North, will you send
for the duke of portland?
We have a financial matter
to discuss.
Well, it
really hurt.
No, look here,
I think it's better
If you give the money to us
You know, we're going back.
We've got a bag.
No, don't
worry, louis.
We shall talk
to your monsieur necker.
Well, actually, we'd rather
you didn't, you know.
We've been having a wee bit
of trouble with him recently
You know what I mean?
Monsieur necker?
The man who introduced
so many valuable reforms
And proved
so popular
Despite his opposition
To mirabeau's policy
of issuing "assignats"?
Aye, yeah.
But the trouble is, he's been
drinking a bit recently.
You know, 14 lagers
wi' his breakfast
That sort of thing.
Well, very
well, louis.
Just a moment!
Oh, christ!
What are you doing?
I am joseph montgolfier
The inventor
of the fire balloon.
The man before you
Is an impostor.
Oh, no, I am not, honestly.
No, no, no, not you,
your majesty.
This man.
This louis the so-called
king of france man.
What number did he give you
this time?
Louis xxiii?
I got it right.
Yeah, I bet you took
a few guesses.
Listen, you spotty
sassenach pillock.
Your majesty,
the ronettes are here.
And mr. bartlett.
George iii
Oh, yeah!
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii...
Oh, dear, I'm not supposed
to go mad until 1800.
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii
George iii...
Joseph has been gone
for six months now.
We have
heard nothing.
He can look
after himself.
Oh, but he had only
on a towel, you know.
Antoinette
From now on, there is only
one montgolfier brother.
But louis xiv has the plans.
Oh, you must wait
until joseph returns.
The plans are here, cherie.
Let me put my tongue
in your mouth.
What do you mean?
Well, we're supposed
to be french, aren't we?
No, no, no.
I mean,
what are the plans
Which joseph after
is chasing?
Please, let me put it
in a little way.
Oh, jacques, ze plans!
I take it out
if you don't like it.
Are you sure
The claret was on the left of
the sideboard, sir?
Yes, o'toole, it's
always been there.
Well, I'll look
for one more month, sir.
Please let me
put it...
By the way, sir, mr. bartlett
has gone, sir.
He said he couldn't
wait any longer.
Thank you,
o'toole.
Not at all, sir,
I've enjoyed being in it.
Right.
Thank you, sir...
mam'selle.
By the way, sir
Mr. bartlett
has gone, sir.
He said he couldn't
wait any longer, sir.
Thank you,
o'toole.
Not at all, sir.
I've enjoyed
being in it.
Right.
Thank you, sir...
mam'selle.
More! more! more!
"george iii" was arranged
and composed by neil innes.
He is available from the bbc
Price four pounds or
eight months' imprisonment.
That was episode three of
the golden age of ballooning.
May I remind you
that there's still time
To get your golden age
of ballooning suppositories
Direct from the bbc, price
4.50 or 19 for a set of six.
Well, in a moment, the bbc will
be closing down for the night.
But first, here is
a party political broadcast
On behalf of
the norwegian party.
Highlights of that broadcast
will be discussed later
By lord george-brown,
ex-foreign secretary;
Mr. sven olafson, the ex-
norwegian minister of finance;
Sir charles ollendorff
Ex-chairman of
the norwegian trades council;
Mr. hamish mclavell,
the mayor of wick
The nearest
large town to norway;
Mrs. betty norday
Whose name sounds
remarkably like "norway";
Mr. brian waynor, whose name
is an anagram of "norway";
Mr. and mrs. ford,
whose name sounds like "fjord"
Of which
there are a lot in norway;
Ron and christine boslo...
Ferdinand von zeppelin was born
in constance in 1838
The brother of barry zeppelin
The least talented
of the 14 zeppelin brothers.
Meanwhile, for
ferdinand von zeppelin
The year 1908 was
a year of triumph.
Herr zeppelin,
it's vonderful!
It's put ballooning
right back on ze map.
It's not a balloon,
do you hear?!
It's not a balloon,
it's an airship!
An airship, do you hear?
Well, it's
very nice, anyway.
Tell me, what is
The principle
of these balloons?
It's not a balloon
You stupid,
thick-headed saxon git!
It's not a balloon!
Balloons is for
kiddy-winkies.
If you want to play with
balloons, get outside.
"yorkshire
pudding...
A type of thick pancake, eaten
with large..."
I hear you are to name
the balloon after bismarck.
"bismarck"? of course I'm not
calling it after bismarck.
It's a "zeppelin."
It's nothing to do
with bloody bismarck!
Surely he gave you
some money for it?
Get outside!
"za... bag... lione...
A sort of cream mouse...
mousse of italian origin."
Ferdinand, that was
a minister of state
You just threw out
of the balloon.
It's not
a balloon!
It's an airship!
All right, I'm sorry.
All right, go
and have a look.
No, I'm fine here,
thank you.
"zucchini...
italian marrows..."
"zingara... a garnish
of finely chopped
Or shredded
lean ham..."
"tongue..."
"mushrooms
and truffles."
"zakuski, a russian
hors d'oeuvre, served..."
"with tiny pieces
of sliced..."
Oh, look, it's the chancellor!
What? prince von bulow? here?
Ja!
Coming here?
No, he is here.
Oh, I must go and
put my old uniform on.
He won't
notice, helmut.
He's dead.
Dead?
Here?
Ja, in our sitting room.
This is our sitting room, dear.
Ja, well, you know what I mean.
The drawing room.
Ja, well, it's
a kind of sitting room.
Well...
Look!
Which one is von bulow?
Here, look!
Oh, ja!
Oh, und admiral tirpitz!
Oh, ja, ja!
And von muller
and herr reichner...
Oh, ja!
And hollweg
and von graunberg...
That is
not graunberg.
Das ist graunberg.
Das ist moltke.
Oh, ja!
He's a lot older
than I thought.
He's a
clever man, ja.
And zimmermann...
and... and kimpte.
Oh, kimpte, ja.
What shall
we do, helmut?
We must ring the government.
This is the
government, helmut.
Oh, dear!
It is a great honor to have so
many members of the government
Dead in our sitting room.
Drawing room.
Ja, well...
No members of the government
are dead in our sitting room.
Ja, you know what I mean.
Well...
Perhaps I should make
A little speech,
or something.
No, not a speech,
helmut, no.
Shall we make them
a cup of tea?
It would be
a waste of tea.
But we must
do something.
So many important people
in our drawing room--
We must do something!
We could sort
them out.
And make a little list.
Ja, ja, ja.
Good, we could put the ministers
for internal affairs
Over against the wall
And for those for internal,
here by the clock.
And we can sort them out
alphabetically?
Nein, nein, nein.
We just put the cleanest
by the door.
Here we are.
No, no, no, that is...
that's von bulow.
He must go over here.
But that is
my reading chair.
He is the reich chancellor
of germany, helmut.
All right, all right
But I think he would
have been better
Up against
the clock, you know.
No, he would not look
nice under the clock.
I did not say
under the clock
I said against
the clock.
Well, then we could not
see the clock!
We put the minister for
the colonies under the clock.
He's small.
No, the colonies are
internal affairs.
He must go against the wall!
Education.
Ah!
Soon we'll be able
to make a list.
Oh, ja, ja.
Wait a minute.
Who's that by
the cat litter?
I don't know!
I've never seen
him before!
He is not a member of
the government.
Get him out of here.
Put him in the drawing room.
He's in the drawing room,
my dear.
Ja, well, you know what I mean.
Put him in the sitting room.
You can put him
in the sitting room
If he's in
the drawing room.
Count ferdinand
von zeppelin's behavior
On that flight in 1900
Had incredible,
far-reaching consequences
For one of
the fallen ministers--
The talented herr von maintlitz
Architect of the new german
expansionist farm policy--
Fell on top of an old lady in
nimwegen, killing her outright.
Her daughter, alice, suffered
severe cerebral damage
From the talented minister's
heavy briefcase
But was nursed back to life by
an english doctor, henderson.
Eventually, they married
And their eldest son,
george henderson
Was the father
of mike henderson
Producer and director
Ofthe golden age
of ballooning.
...mr. and mrs. rita trondheim;
reginald bo-sankway
Who would be next to norway
in a rhyming dictionary
If it included proper names
And if he pronounced his name
like that.