Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969–1974): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Naked Ant - full transcript
The 127th annual Twit of the Year Show. Also: Hitler and Himmler are guests for tea in a boarding house; a BBC broadcast is interrupted when a British minister falls into a fissure.
It's...
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I know you're down there.
Hey, did you see that?
Did you see somebody
go past the window?
What?
Somebody just went
past the window, that way.
Another one.
Another one
just went past downwards.
What?
Two people have just fallen-
out of that window
to their almost certain death.
Fine, fine, fine.
Look!
Two people...
Three people-
have just fallen-
past that window.
Must be a board meeting.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, that was Wilkins
of finance.
Oh, no,
that was Robertson.
Wilkins.
Robertson.
Wilkins.
Robertson.
That was Wilkins.
That was Wilkins.
He was a good golfer, Wilkins.
Very good golfer,
very good golfer.
Rotten at finance.
It'll be Parkinson next.
Bet you it won't.
How much?
What?
How much do you
bet it won't?
Fiver?
All right.
Done.
You're on.
Fine.
Come on, Parky.
Don't do it, Parky.
Jump, Parky, jump. Come on, now,
be sensible, Parky.
Dear sir,
I am writing to complain-
about that sketch about people
falling out of a high building.
I have worked all my life
in such a building-
and have never once...
Parkinson!
Johnson!
My god, this is terrible!
Would somebody please stop it?!
Lord knows that.
Let's try it this way.
Alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra...
Hello!
Tonight, Spectrum looks
at one of the major problems-
in the world today--
The whole vexed question
of what is going on.
Is there still time
to confront it,
let alone solve it,
or is it too late?
What are the figures,
what are the facts?
What do people mean
when they talk about things?
Alexander Hardacre
of the Economic Affairs Bureau.
In this graph-
this column represents
23% of the population.
This column represents
28% of the population-
and this column represents
43% of the population.
Telling figures indeed,
but what do they mean to you?
What do they mean to me?
What do they mean to
the average man in the street?
With me now is professor Tiddles
of Leeds university.
Professor, you've spent many years
researching into things.
What do you think?
I think it's too early to tell.
Too early to tell,
too early to say.
It means the same thing.
The word "say" is the same
as the word "tell."
They're not spelled the same,
but they mean the same.
It's an identical situation
we have with "ship" and "boat"
But not the same as we have
with "bow" and "bough"--
Different spellings and
meanings, but sound the same.
But the real question remains:
What is the solution, if any,
to this problem?
What can we do?
What am I saying?
Why am I sitting in this chair?
Why am I here
and what will I say next?
Here to answer this is
a professional cricketer.
I can say nothing at this point.
You were wrong.
Professor?
Hello.
Hello.
So, where do we stand?
Where do we sit?
Where do we come?
Where do we go?
What do we do?
What do we say?
What do we eat?
What do we drink?
What do we think?
What do we do?
Sorry!
Hello.
Mr. and mrs. Johnson, isn't it?
That's right, yes.
Well, come on in.
Excuse me not
shaking hands,
but I've just been putting-
a bit of lard (flott) on
the cat's boil (b?ld).
Very nice.
Well, you must be tired.
It's a long drive-
from Coventry,
isn't it?
Yes, well, we usually
reckon on 5 1/2 hours-
and it took us six hours
and 53 minutes,
with a 25-minute wait
at Frampton Cottrell-
to stretch our legs
Only we had to wait
half an hour-
to get on to the M5
near Droitwich.
Really?
There was-
a three-mile queue just
before Bridgwater on the A38.
Only normally we come
round on the B3339,
just before Bridgwater,
you see.
Really?
We risked it
Because they say-
they're going
to widen it there.
Are they?
Just there
At the intersection
where the A372 joins up,
there's plenty of room
to widen it there.
There's only
the grass verges.
They could get
another six feet.
Knock down that hospital.
Then we took the coast road
through Williton-
and got all the Taunton traffic
on the A358,
from Crowcombe and Stogumber.
Well, you must be dying
for a cup of tea.
Well, wouldn't say "no,"
not if it's warm and wet.
Well, come on in the lounge.
I'm just about to serve
afternoon tea.
Very nice.
Come on in,
mr. and mrs. Johnson.
Oh, this is-
Mr. and mrs. Phillips.
Good afternoon.
It's their third
year with us.
We can't keep
you away, can we?
And over here-
is mr. Hilter.
Ah, good time,
good afternoon.
Planning a little excursion,
are we, mr. Hilter?
Ja, ja!
We make a little...
Was ist ruckweise
bewegen?
"Hike."
Hiking.
We make a little
hike for...
for Bideford.
Oh, well, you'll be wanting
the A39 then.
No, no, you've got
the wrong map there.
This is Stalingrad.
You want the Ilfracombe-
and Barnstaple section.
Ah, Hein... Reginald
You have the
wrong map here,
you silly old leg-before-wicket
English person.
I'm sorry, mein f?hrer.
I did not...
Mein Dickie, old chum.
Lucky mr. Johnson-
pointed that out?
You wouldn't have had
much fun-
in Stalingrad, would you?
I said you wouldn't have
had much fun-
in Stalingrad, would you?
Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't introduce you.
This is Ron...
Ron Ribbentrop.
Oh, not von Ribbentrop?
Nein! nein! nein!
Oh... no, he different
other chap.
No, I in Somerset
am being born.
von Ribbentrop is born
in Gotterammerstrasse 46,
D?sseldorf,
West eight...
So they say!
And this is the quiet one,
mr. Bimmler.
Heimlich Bimmler.
How do you
do there, squire?
Also I am not minehead lad,
but I in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house,
was given birth to,
but stay in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house-
all during war,
owing to nasty running sores-
and was unable
to go in the streets,
play fussball
or go to N?rnberg.
I am retired window cleaner
and pacifist,
without doing war crimes.
And am very glad England
win World cup,
Bobby Charlton
and Martin Peters,
and eating lots
of chips and fish-
and toad in the holes-
and Dundee cake
on Piccadilly line,
don't you know, old chap,
and was head of Gestapo
for ten years...
Five years!
Oh! No, no, nein
I was not head
of Gestapo at all.
I make joke.
Oh, mr. Bimmler
You do have us on.
Oh, excuse me,
I must just go
and answer that.
How long you down here for,
mr. Hilter?
Just the fortnight?
Why do you ask that?
You a spy or something?
Get over there against the wall,
britischer pig.
You're going to die.
Take it easy,
Dickie, old chum.
I'm sorry, mr. Johnson.
He's a bit on edge.
He hasn't slept since 1945.
Shut your cake hole,
you nazi.
Cool it, f?hrer cat.
The fun we have.
Haven't I seen him-
on the television?
Nicht, nein,
nein... oh, no.
Television doctor?
No! no!
Telephone, mr. Hilter.
It's that nice
mr. McGoering,
from the Bell and Compasses.
He says he's found a place,
where you can hire bombers
by the hour.
If he opens his big mouth again,
it's lampshade time!
Shut up!
Hire bombers by the hour.
What a laugh he is,
that Scottish person!
Good old Norman.
He's on the telephone
the whole time nowadays.
In business, is he?
Soon, baby.
Course, it's his
big day, thursday.
Oh, they've been planning
it for months.
What happens then?
Oh, it's the north Minehead
by-election.
Mr. Hilter's standing as a
national bocialist candidate.
He's got wonderful plans
for Minehead.
Like what?
Well, for a start
He wants to annex Poland.
Oh, north Minehead's-
conservative, isn't it?
Well, they get a lot of people
at their rallies.
Rallies?
Well, their bocialist meetings,
down at the axis cafe
in Rosedale road.
Achtung, achtung!
Uber alles!
Die eltern im mittelalter
und die jungen,
alles muss mit dem
mittelschmerz gestoppen sein!
I... am not a racialist...
but-- und this is a big "but"--
we in the national
socialist party believe-
das uberleben...
muss gestammen sein mit der
schneaky Armstrong-Jones.
Historische Taunton ist
volkermeinig von Meinhead.
Mr. Hitler...
Hilter... he says
that historically,
Taunton...
is part of Minehead already.
He's right,
do you know that?
Und Bridgwater ist
die letzte fuhlung,
das wir haben in Somerset!
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
What do you think
of mr. Hilter's policies?
Well, I don't like the sound-
of these here
boncentration bamps.
Well, I gave him my baby to kiss
and he bit it on the head.
Well, I think he'd do a lot
of good for the stock exchange.
No, no.
Oh, yes, britischer pals,
he is wunderbar... ful, ja.
I think he's right
about the coons,
but then I'm a bit mental.
I think he's got beautiful legs.
Well, speaking
as conservative candidate,
I just drone on and on
and on and on,
never letting anyone else
get a word in edgewise,
until I start foaming
at the mouth-
and falling over backwards.
Foam at the mouth
and fall over backwards.
Is he foaming at the mouth
to fall over backwards,
or falling over backwards
to foam at the mouth?
Tonight's Spectrum examines
the whole question-
of frothing and falling,
coughing and calling,
screaming and bawling,
walling and stalling,
galling and mauling,
palling and hauling,
trawling and squalling
and zalling.
Zalling?
Is there a word "zalling?"
If there is, what does it mean?
If there isn't,
what does it mean?
Perhaps both, maybe neither.
What do I mean
by the word "mean"?
What do I mean
by the word "word"?
What do I mean
by "what do I mean?"
What do I mean by "do"
and what do I do by "mean"?
What do I do by do by do?
And what do I mean by wasting
your time like this? Good night.
Good night.
Good evening, I wish
to report a burglary.
Speak up, please, sir.
I wish to report a burglary.
I can't hear you, sir.
I wish to report a burglary!
That's a little bit too loud.
Could you say it-
just a little
less loud than that?
I wish to report a burglary!
No, I'm still
not getting anything.
Could you try it
in a higher register?
What do you mean,
in a higher register?
What?
I wish to report a burglary.
That's it, wait a moment.
Now, a little bit louder.
I wish to report a burglary!
Report a what?
Burglary!!
That's it, now keep it there.
Hello, sarge!
Evening, Charlie.
I was sitting at home-
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands,
when we heard a noise
in the bedroom!
We went to investigate
and found ?5,000 stolen!
Well, I'm afraid
I'm off duty now, sir.
Could you tell
sergeant Foster?
I was sitting at home-
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands!
Excuse me, sir, but,
why the funny voice?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I'd just got used to talking
like that to the other sergeant.
I'm terribly sorry,
I can't hear you, sir.
Could you try speaking
in a lower register?
What?
I wish to report the loss
of ?5,000.
?5,000? that's serious.
You'd better speak
to the detective inspector.
What seems to be the trouble,
sergeant?
Well, this gentleman, sir,
has come in-
to report that he was sitting
at home with a friend,
when he heard a noise
in the back room,
went round to investigate-
and found that ?5,000 in savings
had been stolen.
I see.
Where do you live, sir?
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
Another Halliwell Road job, sergeant?
Yes, I can't believe it.
I thought the bloke
who'd done that-
was put inside last year.
Yes, in Parkhurst.
Well, it must have been
somebody else.
Thank you, sergeant.
We'll get things
moving right away.
You take over here,
sergeant.
Alert all squad cars
in the area.
Hello, darling
I'm afraid I shall be late.
Calling all squad cars
in the area.
I think that's
in very bad taste.
Some people do talk
in the most extraordinary way.
Good afternoon, and welcome
to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the
competitors are running out-
onto the field on this
lovely winter's afternoon here,
with the going firm underfoot
and very little sign of rain.
Well, it certainly looks-
as though we're in
for a splendid afternoon's sport-
in this, the 127th "Upper-class
Twit of the Year" show.
Well, the competitors
will be off any moment,
so let me just identify them
for you.
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
has O-level in chemo-hygiene.
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris,
married to
a very attractive table lamp.
Nigel Incubator-Jones--
his best friend is a tree,
and in his spare time,
he's a stockbroker.
Gervaise Brook-Hampster is
in the guards-
and his father uses him
as a wastepaper basket.
And finally, Oliver St. John-
Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards,
thought by many to be
this year's outstanding twit.
Now they're moving out
to the starting line.
There's a jolly good crowd
here today.
Now they're under
starter's orders-
and...
They're off!
Oh, no, they're not.
No, they didn't realize
they were supposed to start.
Never mind,
we'll soon sort that out.
The judge is explaining it
to them now.
I think Nigel and Gervaise
have got the idea.
All set to go.
Oh, and they're off.
And it's a fast start this year.
Oliver St. John-Mollusc running
a bit wide there-
and now they're coming
into their first test--
The straight line.
They've got to walk
along this straight line,
without falling over.
And Oliver's over
at the back there...
Simon's coming through
quite fast on the outside.
I think Simon and Nigel...
Both of them coming through
very fast.
There's Nigel there,
number three, I'm sorry.
And on the outside,
there's Gervaise-
coming through just out of shot.
And now, the positions:
Simon and Vivian at the front
coming to the matchbox jump--
Three layers
of matchboxes to clear.
And Simon's over and
Vivian's over beautifully.
Oh, the jump of a lifetime--
If only his father
could understand.
Here's Nigel...
He's confused.
No, Gervaise is over.
He's... Nigel is over...
He's only just hit the top.
And now it's Gervaise.
Gervaise is going to jump.
Is it... no, he's jumped
the wrong way.
There he goes.
Nigel's over beautifully.
Now it's Only Oliver,
Oliver and Gervaise...
Oh, bad luck.
And now it's
"Kicking the beggar."
Simon's there,
and he's putting the boot in-
and not terribly hard,
but he's going down,
so Simon can move on.
Now Vivian's there.
Vivian is there and waiting
for a chance.
Here he comes.
Oh, a real pile driver,
a real pile driver.
And now Simon's at number one;
Vivian, two;
Nigel, three; Gervaise at four;
and Oliver bringing up the rear.
There's Oliver,
there's Oliver now.
He's at the back.
I think he's having
a little trouble-
with his old brain injury.
He's going to have a go...
No, no, bad luck.
He's up, he doesn't know
when he's beaten, this boy.
He doesn't know
when he's winning either.
He doesn't have any sort of
sensory apparatus known to man.
He's now standing up...
Oh, bad luck.
Oh, there's Gervaise
putting the boot in there.
There's no need for him
to do this.
He's got the beggar down.
The steward's giving him
a little bit of advice.
Yes, he can move on now.
He can move on
to the hunt photograph.
There's Gerv... I think he's...
yes, he's off.
Gervaise is there,
and Oliver's still at the back,
having trouble
with the matchboxes.
Now, here's
the hunt ball photograph.
And the first here is Simon.
He's going to enjoy a joke
with lady Arabella Plunkett.
She hopes to go into films.
And Vivian's through there
And Nigel's there
enjoying a joke-
with lady Sarah Pencil Farthing
Vivian Steamroller-
Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave
Gore Stringbottom Smith.
And there's... and there's Simon
now in the sports car.
He's reversed
into the old woman.
He's caught her
absolutely beautifully.
Now he's going to accelerate
forward there-
to wake up the neighbor.
There's Vivian, I think...
No, Vivian's lost his keys...
No, there's Vivian!
He's got the old woman,
slowly but surely,
right in the midriff,
and here he is.
Here he is to wake up
the neighbor now.
Simon right in the lead,
comfortably in the lead,
but he can't get this neighbor
woken up.
He's slamming away there
as best he can.
He's getting absolutely
no reaction at all.
There! there, he's woken him up
and Simon's through.
Here comes Vivian...
Vivian to slam the door.
And there we are
back at the hunt ball.
I think that's Gervaise.
Yes, that's Gervaise
going through there.
And here... here comes Oliver,
brave Oliver.
Is he going to make it
to the table?
No, I don't think he is.
Yes, he is.
Oh! What a great twit!
And the crowd are really rising
to him there.
And there, I can see...
who is that there?
Yes, that's Nigel.
Nigel has woken the neighbor.
My God, this is exciting!
Nigel's very excited,
he's going through.
Here comes Gervaise.
Gervaise...
oh, no, this is...
Out in the front there is Simon
Who is supposed
to insult the waiter-
and he's forgotten.
And oliver has run himself over.
What a great twit!
And there...
now here comes Vivian.
Vivian to insult the waiter,
and he is heaping abuse on him-
and he is humiliating him there.
And he's gone into the lead.
Simon's not with him.
No, Vivian's...
has hit the bar.
Now they've got to get
over this bar.
This is extremely difficult,
as it requires
absolutely expert coordination-
between mind and body.
No, they're hitting it there.
Here we go again.
Simon's fallen backwards.
Here's Nigel, and he's tripped.
Nigel has tripped,
and he's under-
and Simon fails again.
Now here is Gervaise,
going to jump through-
and Simon is through
by accident.
Here's Gervaise
to be the last one over.
Here we are.
Here's Nigel right at the head
of the field-
and now he's going
to shoot the rabbit.
These rabbits have been tied
to the ground-
and they're going
to be a bit frisky.
And this is only
a one-day event.
And they're blazing away there.
They're not getting quite
the results that they might.
Gervaise is in there,
trying to bash it to death
with the butt of his rifle.
And I think Nigel's in there
with his bare hands,
but they're not getting
the results they might,
but it is a little bit
misty today-
and they must be shooting
from a range of at least a foot.
But there's a couple
of hits there, I think.
Yes, they've had
a couple of hits-
and the whole field is up again
and here they are.
They're coming up to the debs--
Gervaise first, Vivian second,
Simon third.
And now they've got to take
the bras off from the front.
This is really difficult.
This is really
the most difficult part-
of the entire competition.
And they're having a bit
of trouble in there, I think.
They're really trying now and
the crowd is getting excited-
and I think some of the twits
are getting rather excited, too.
But anyway, Vivian is there,
Vivian is coming through.
Simon's in second place and...
there's Oliver.
He's dead, but he's not
necessarily out of it.
There goes Nigel.
No, he's lost something.
And Gervaise running through
to this final obstacle.
Now, all they have to do here
to win the title is-
to shoot themselves.
Simon has a go--
bad luck, he misses.
Nigel misses.
Now, there's Gervaise,
and Gervaise has shot himself.
Gervaise is upper-class twit
of the year.
There's Nigel--
he's shot Simon by mistake.
Simon is second
and there's Nigel.
Nigel's shot himself.
Nigel is third in this fine
And most exciting upper-class
twit of the year I've ever seen.
Wait-- Nigel's clubbed himself
into fourth place.
And so the final result: the
upper-class twit of the year--
Gervaise Brook-Hampster
of Kensington and Weybridge;
Runner-up-- Vivian Smith-
Smythe-Smith of Kensington;
And third-- Nigel Incubator-
Jones of Henley.
Well, there'll certainly be
some car door slamming-
in the streets
of Kensington tonight.
Dear sir, how splendid it is-
to see the flower
of British manhood-
wiping itself out
with such pluck and tenacity.
Britain need have no fear
with leaders of this caliber.
If only a few of
the so-called working classes-
would destroy themselves
so sportingly.
Yours, etc.
Brigadier Mainwaring
Smith Smith Smith, etc.
(deceased, etc.)
P.s., etc. come on, other ranks,
show your stuff.
Yes, sir, I'll do me best, sir!
No, not
good enough.
No, still not good enough.
Yes, that's better.
Hallelujah, hallelujah...
Okay, all clear.
Now, I understand-
that you want to
marry my daughter.
That's right, yeah, yeah.
Yes, you realize, of course,
that Rosamund is
still rather young?
Daddy, you make me feel
like a child.
Oh, yeah, you know...
Get them when
they're young.
You know what I mean?!
I'm sure you know
what I mean, mister...
Shabby, Ken Shabby.
Mr. Shabby, I just
want to make sure-
that you'll be able to
look after my daughter.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'll be able to look after her,
all right, sport.
You know what I mean?
And...
What job do you do?
I clean out public lavatories.
Is there a promotion involved?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
After five years,
they give me a brush.
I'm sorry, squire,
I've gobbed on your carpet.
And, where are
you going to live?
Well, round at my gran's.
She trains polecats (illrar),
but most of them
have suffocated,
so there should be a bit of
spare room in the attic?
Know what I mean?
I see.
And when do you expect
to get married?
Oh, right away, sport,
right away, you know?
I haven't had it for weeks.
Well, look,
I'll phone the bishop-
and see if we can get the abbey.
Oh, diarrhea.
The story so far...
Rosamund's father
has become ensnared-
by mr. Shabby's extraordinary
personal magnetism.
Bob and Janet have eaten
mr. Farquar's goldfish-
during an Oxfam lunch-
and mrs. Elsmore's marriage
is threatened-
by Doug's insistence
that he is-
on a different level
of consciousness.
Louise's hernia (br?ck)
has been confirmed-
and Jim, Bob's brother, has run
over the editor of The Lancet,
on his way to see Jenny,
a freelance pagoda designer.
On the other side
of the continent,
Napoleon still broods
over the smoldering remains-
of a city he had crossed
half the earth to conquer,
whilst Mary,
Roger's half-sister,
settles down
to watch television.
There now follows
a party political broadcast-
on behalf of the Wood party.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
that the present weak drafting
of the local government bill,
leaves a lot to be desired-
and we intend to fight.
Hello?
Hello?!
I'm afraid the minister's fallen
through the earth's crust.
Excuse me a moment.
Hello?
Hello.
Are you all right, minister?
I appear to have landed
on this kind of ledge thing.
Shall we lower down
one of the BBC ropes?
If you'd be so kind.
What length of BBC rope-
will we be likely to need?
I should use
the longest BBC rope.
That would be a good idea,
I would imagine.
Okey-doke, chief.
Tex, get the longest BBC rope
and bring it here pronto.
In the meantime, since
I am on all channels,
perhaps I'd better carry on
with this broadcast,
by shouting about
our housing plans,
from down here
as best as I can.
Could someone throw me down
a script?
The script would appear-
to have landed
on a different ledge,
somewhat out of my grasp,
don't you know.
Well, perhaps when the rope
reaches you, minister,
you could kind
of swing over-
to the ledge and grab it.
Good idea.
Well, I'm going to carry on-
if I can read the script.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party...
Feel very strongly about...
the present weak drafting
of the local government bill.
And... no, it's no good,
it's not working.
I think I'll have to try
and make a grab for it.
Ah! There we are.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party feel very
strongly about the present...
Oh, dear.
Hello!
Hello!
Look, I must look
a bit of a chump,
hanging upside down like this.
Don't worry,
minister.
I think, love, if we turn
the picture upside down,
we should help
the minister, then.
Oh, good.
Look, I'm sorry about this.
There seems to be
a few gremlins about.
I think I'd better start
from the beginning.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly about...
Oh, bloody heck!
Oh, dear.
Terribly sorry about this...
About saying "bloody heck"
on all channels, but...
There's another script
on the way down, minister.
Oh, good, good.
Well... good evening.
Well, how are you?
Oh, look, I don't want you
to think of the Wood party-
as a load of old men that
like hanging around on ropes,
only I...
Thank you.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
about the present
weak drafting...
Look, I think we'd better
call it a day.
Is this the furthest distance-
that a minister
has fallen? Robert.
Surprisingly not.
The Canadian minister
for external affairs-
fell nearly seven miles,
during a liberal conference
in Ottawa about six years ago.
And then quite recently,
the Kenyan minister
for agric. and fish,
fell nearly 12 miles,
during a Nairobi debate
in parliament;
although this hasn't been
ratified yet.
How far did the Filipino cabinet
fall last march?
Well, they fell nearly 39 miles
But it's not nearly
so remarkable, as that was due-
to their combined weight,
of course, Robert.
Yes, well, thank you, Robert.
Well now, what are your
reactions to all this? Robert.
Well... well, Robert
The main thing is
that it's terribly exciting,
tremendously exciting.
You see, the minister is
quite clearly lodged-
between rocks we know terribly
little of, terribly little.
Of course, the main thing is
we're getting color pictures-
of an extraordinarily
high quality.
Extraordinarily high quality.
But the important thing is...
The really exciting thing is,
the minister will be bringing
back samples of the earth's core,
which will give us a tremendous,
really tremendous, tremendous,
tremendous clue,
as to the origins of the earth
and what God himself is made of.
Oh, oh, I needed that.
Thank you, Robert.
Well, that seems to be-
about all
we have time for tonight,
unless anyone has
anything else to say.
Has anyone anything else to say?
No.
Nope, nope.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No!
No.
No.
Bloody fairy.
No.
No!
No.
No.
No.
Nein... no.
No.
No, no, no, no.
What do we mean by "no"?
What do we mean by "yes"?
What do we mean by "no, no, no"?
Tonight Spectrum looks at the
whole question of "what is no?"
Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I know you're down there.
Hey, did you see that?
Did you see somebody
go past the window?
What?
Somebody just went
past the window, that way.
Another one.
Another one
just went past downwards.
What?
Two people have just fallen-
out of that window
to their almost certain death.
Fine, fine, fine.
Look!
Two people...
Three people-
have just fallen-
past that window.
Must be a board meeting.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, that was Wilkins
of finance.
Oh, no,
that was Robertson.
Wilkins.
Robertson.
Wilkins.
Robertson.
That was Wilkins.
That was Wilkins.
He was a good golfer, Wilkins.
Very good golfer,
very good golfer.
Rotten at finance.
It'll be Parkinson next.
Bet you it won't.
How much?
What?
How much do you
bet it won't?
Fiver?
All right.
Done.
You're on.
Fine.
Come on, Parky.
Don't do it, Parky.
Jump, Parky, jump. Come on, now,
be sensible, Parky.
Dear sir,
I am writing to complain-
about that sketch about people
falling out of a high building.
I have worked all my life
in such a building-
and have never once...
Parkinson!
Johnson!
My god, this is terrible!
Would somebody please stop it?!
Lord knows that.
Let's try it this way.
Alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra! alakazam!
Alacadabra...
Hello!
Tonight, Spectrum looks
at one of the major problems-
in the world today--
The whole vexed question
of what is going on.
Is there still time
to confront it,
let alone solve it,
or is it too late?
What are the figures,
what are the facts?
What do people mean
when they talk about things?
Alexander Hardacre
of the Economic Affairs Bureau.
In this graph-
this column represents
23% of the population.
This column represents
28% of the population-
and this column represents
43% of the population.
Telling figures indeed,
but what do they mean to you?
What do they mean to me?
What do they mean to
the average man in the street?
With me now is professor Tiddles
of Leeds university.
Professor, you've spent many years
researching into things.
What do you think?
I think it's too early to tell.
Too early to tell,
too early to say.
It means the same thing.
The word "say" is the same
as the word "tell."
They're not spelled the same,
but they mean the same.
It's an identical situation
we have with "ship" and "boat"
But not the same as we have
with "bow" and "bough"--
Different spellings and
meanings, but sound the same.
But the real question remains:
What is the solution, if any,
to this problem?
What can we do?
What am I saying?
Why am I sitting in this chair?
Why am I here
and what will I say next?
Here to answer this is
a professional cricketer.
I can say nothing at this point.
You were wrong.
Professor?
Hello.
Hello.
So, where do we stand?
Where do we sit?
Where do we come?
Where do we go?
What do we do?
What do we say?
What do we eat?
What do we drink?
What do we think?
What do we do?
Sorry!
Hello.
Mr. and mrs. Johnson, isn't it?
That's right, yes.
Well, come on in.
Excuse me not
shaking hands,
but I've just been putting-
a bit of lard (flott) on
the cat's boil (b?ld).
Very nice.
Well, you must be tired.
It's a long drive-
from Coventry,
isn't it?
Yes, well, we usually
reckon on 5 1/2 hours-
and it took us six hours
and 53 minutes,
with a 25-minute wait
at Frampton Cottrell-
to stretch our legs
Only we had to wait
half an hour-
to get on to the M5
near Droitwich.
Really?
There was-
a three-mile queue just
before Bridgwater on the A38.
Only normally we come
round on the B3339,
just before Bridgwater,
you see.
Really?
We risked it
Because they say-
they're going
to widen it there.
Are they?
Just there
At the intersection
where the A372 joins up,
there's plenty of room
to widen it there.
There's only
the grass verges.
They could get
another six feet.
Knock down that hospital.
Then we took the coast road
through Williton-
and got all the Taunton traffic
on the A358,
from Crowcombe and Stogumber.
Well, you must be dying
for a cup of tea.
Well, wouldn't say "no,"
not if it's warm and wet.
Well, come on in the lounge.
I'm just about to serve
afternoon tea.
Very nice.
Come on in,
mr. and mrs. Johnson.
Oh, this is-
Mr. and mrs. Phillips.
Good afternoon.
It's their third
year with us.
We can't keep
you away, can we?
And over here-
is mr. Hilter.
Ah, good time,
good afternoon.
Planning a little excursion,
are we, mr. Hilter?
Ja, ja!
We make a little...
Was ist ruckweise
bewegen?
"Hike."
Hiking.
We make a little
hike for...
for Bideford.
Oh, well, you'll be wanting
the A39 then.
No, no, you've got
the wrong map there.
This is Stalingrad.
You want the Ilfracombe-
and Barnstaple section.
Ah, Hein... Reginald
You have the
wrong map here,
you silly old leg-before-wicket
English person.
I'm sorry, mein f?hrer.
I did not...
Mein Dickie, old chum.
Lucky mr. Johnson-
pointed that out?
You wouldn't have had
much fun-
in Stalingrad, would you?
I said you wouldn't have
had much fun-
in Stalingrad, would you?
Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
Oh, I'm sorry,
I didn't introduce you.
This is Ron...
Ron Ribbentrop.
Oh, not von Ribbentrop?
Nein! nein! nein!
Oh... no, he different
other chap.
No, I in Somerset
am being born.
von Ribbentrop is born
in Gotterammerstrasse 46,
D?sseldorf,
West eight...
So they say!
And this is the quiet one,
mr. Bimmler.
Heimlich Bimmler.
How do you
do there, squire?
Also I am not minehead lad,
but I in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house,
was given birth to,
but stay in Peterborough,
Lincolnshire house-
all during war,
owing to nasty running sores-
and was unable
to go in the streets,
play fussball
or go to N?rnberg.
I am retired window cleaner
and pacifist,
without doing war crimes.
And am very glad England
win World cup,
Bobby Charlton
and Martin Peters,
and eating lots
of chips and fish-
and toad in the holes-
and Dundee cake
on Piccadilly line,
don't you know, old chap,
and was head of Gestapo
for ten years...
Five years!
Oh! No, no, nein
I was not head
of Gestapo at all.
I make joke.
Oh, mr. Bimmler
You do have us on.
Oh, excuse me,
I must just go
and answer that.
How long you down here for,
mr. Hilter?
Just the fortnight?
Why do you ask that?
You a spy or something?
Get over there against the wall,
britischer pig.
You're going to die.
Take it easy,
Dickie, old chum.
I'm sorry, mr. Johnson.
He's a bit on edge.
He hasn't slept since 1945.
Shut your cake hole,
you nazi.
Cool it, f?hrer cat.
The fun we have.
Haven't I seen him-
on the television?
Nicht, nein,
nein... oh, no.
Television doctor?
No! no!
Telephone, mr. Hilter.
It's that nice
mr. McGoering,
from the Bell and Compasses.
He says he's found a place,
where you can hire bombers
by the hour.
If he opens his big mouth again,
it's lampshade time!
Shut up!
Hire bombers by the hour.
What a laugh he is,
that Scottish person!
Good old Norman.
He's on the telephone
the whole time nowadays.
In business, is he?
Soon, baby.
Course, it's his
big day, thursday.
Oh, they've been planning
it for months.
What happens then?
Oh, it's the north Minehead
by-election.
Mr. Hilter's standing as a
national bocialist candidate.
He's got wonderful plans
for Minehead.
Like what?
Well, for a start
He wants to annex Poland.
Oh, north Minehead's-
conservative, isn't it?
Well, they get a lot of people
at their rallies.
Rallies?
Well, their bocialist meetings,
down at the axis cafe
in Rosedale road.
Achtung, achtung!
Uber alles!
Die eltern im mittelalter
und die jungen,
alles muss mit dem
mittelschmerz gestoppen sein!
I... am not a racialist...
but-- und this is a big "but"--
we in the national
socialist party believe-
das uberleben...
muss gestammen sein mit der
schneaky Armstrong-Jones.
Historische Taunton ist
volkermeinig von Meinhead.
Mr. Hitler...
Hilter... he says
that historically,
Taunton...
is part of Minehead already.
He's right,
do you know that?
Und Bridgwater ist
die letzte fuhlung,
das wir haben in Somerset!
Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
What do you think
of mr. Hilter's policies?
Well, I don't like the sound-
of these here
boncentration bamps.
Well, I gave him my baby to kiss
and he bit it on the head.
Well, I think he'd do a lot
of good for the stock exchange.
No, no.
Oh, yes, britischer pals,
he is wunderbar... ful, ja.
I think he's right
about the coons,
but then I'm a bit mental.
I think he's got beautiful legs.
Well, speaking
as conservative candidate,
I just drone on and on
and on and on,
never letting anyone else
get a word in edgewise,
until I start foaming
at the mouth-
and falling over backwards.
Foam at the mouth
and fall over backwards.
Is he foaming at the mouth
to fall over backwards,
or falling over backwards
to foam at the mouth?
Tonight's Spectrum examines
the whole question-
of frothing and falling,
coughing and calling,
screaming and bawling,
walling and stalling,
galling and mauling,
palling and hauling,
trawling and squalling
and zalling.
Zalling?
Is there a word "zalling?"
If there is, what does it mean?
If there isn't,
what does it mean?
Perhaps both, maybe neither.
What do I mean
by the word "mean"?
What do I mean
by the word "word"?
What do I mean
by "what do I mean?"
What do I mean by "do"
and what do I do by "mean"?
What do I do by do by do?
And what do I mean by wasting
your time like this? Good night.
Good night.
Good evening, I wish
to report a burglary.
Speak up, please, sir.
I wish to report a burglary.
I can't hear you, sir.
I wish to report a burglary!
That's a little bit too loud.
Could you say it-
just a little
less loud than that?
I wish to report a burglary!
No, I'm still
not getting anything.
Could you try it
in a higher register?
What do you mean,
in a higher register?
What?
I wish to report a burglary.
That's it, wait a moment.
Now, a little bit louder.
I wish to report a burglary!
Report a what?
Burglary!!
That's it, now keep it there.
Hello, sarge!
Evening, Charlie.
I was sitting at home-
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands,
when we heard a noise
in the bedroom!
We went to investigate
and found ?5,000 stolen!
Well, I'm afraid
I'm off duty now, sir.
Could you tell
sergeant Foster?
I was sitting at home-
with a friend of mine
from Camber Sands!
Excuse me, sir, but,
why the funny voice?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I'd just got used to talking
like that to the other sergeant.
I'm terribly sorry,
I can't hear you, sir.
Could you try speaking
in a lower register?
What?
I wish to report the loss
of ?5,000.
?5,000? that's serious.
You'd better speak
to the detective inspector.
What seems to be the trouble,
sergeant?
Well, this gentleman, sir,
has come in-
to report that he was sitting
at home with a friend,
when he heard a noise
in the back room,
went round to investigate-
and found that ?5,000 in savings
had been stolen.
I see.
Where do you live, sir?
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
121 Halliwell Road,
Dulwich, SE21.
Another Halliwell Road job, sergeant?
Yes, I can't believe it.
I thought the bloke
who'd done that-
was put inside last year.
Yes, in Parkhurst.
Well, it must have been
somebody else.
Thank you, sergeant.
We'll get things
moving right away.
You take over here,
sergeant.
Alert all squad cars
in the area.
Hello, darling
I'm afraid I shall be late.
Calling all squad cars
in the area.
I think that's
in very bad taste.
Some people do talk
in the most extraordinary way.
Good afternoon, and welcome
to Hurlingham Park.
You join us just as the
competitors are running out-
onto the field on this
lovely winter's afternoon here,
with the going firm underfoot
and very little sign of rain.
Well, it certainly looks-
as though we're in
for a splendid afternoon's sport-
in this, the 127th "Upper-class
Twit of the Year" show.
Well, the competitors
will be off any moment,
so let me just identify them
for you.
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
has O-level in chemo-hygiene.
Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris,
married to
a very attractive table lamp.
Nigel Incubator-Jones--
his best friend is a tree,
and in his spare time,
he's a stockbroker.
Gervaise Brook-Hampster is
in the guards-
and his father uses him
as a wastepaper basket.
And finally, Oliver St. John-
Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards,
thought by many to be
this year's outstanding twit.
Now they're moving out
to the starting line.
There's a jolly good crowd
here today.
Now they're under
starter's orders-
and...
They're off!
Oh, no, they're not.
No, they didn't realize
they were supposed to start.
Never mind,
we'll soon sort that out.
The judge is explaining it
to them now.
I think Nigel and Gervaise
have got the idea.
All set to go.
Oh, and they're off.
And it's a fast start this year.
Oliver St. John-Mollusc running
a bit wide there-
and now they're coming
into their first test--
The straight line.
They've got to walk
along this straight line,
without falling over.
And Oliver's over
at the back there...
Simon's coming through
quite fast on the outside.
I think Simon and Nigel...
Both of them coming through
very fast.
There's Nigel there,
number three, I'm sorry.
And on the outside,
there's Gervaise-
coming through just out of shot.
And now, the positions:
Simon and Vivian at the front
coming to the matchbox jump--
Three layers
of matchboxes to clear.
And Simon's over and
Vivian's over beautifully.
Oh, the jump of a lifetime--
If only his father
could understand.
Here's Nigel...
He's confused.
No, Gervaise is over.
He's... Nigel is over...
He's only just hit the top.
And now it's Gervaise.
Gervaise is going to jump.
Is it... no, he's jumped
the wrong way.
There he goes.
Nigel's over beautifully.
Now it's Only Oliver,
Oliver and Gervaise...
Oh, bad luck.
And now it's
"Kicking the beggar."
Simon's there,
and he's putting the boot in-
and not terribly hard,
but he's going down,
so Simon can move on.
Now Vivian's there.
Vivian is there and waiting
for a chance.
Here he comes.
Oh, a real pile driver,
a real pile driver.
And now Simon's at number one;
Vivian, two;
Nigel, three; Gervaise at four;
and Oliver bringing up the rear.
There's Oliver,
there's Oliver now.
He's at the back.
I think he's having
a little trouble-
with his old brain injury.
He's going to have a go...
No, no, bad luck.
He's up, he doesn't know
when he's beaten, this boy.
He doesn't know
when he's winning either.
He doesn't have any sort of
sensory apparatus known to man.
He's now standing up...
Oh, bad luck.
Oh, there's Gervaise
putting the boot in there.
There's no need for him
to do this.
He's got the beggar down.
The steward's giving him
a little bit of advice.
Yes, he can move on now.
He can move on
to the hunt photograph.
There's Gerv... I think he's...
yes, he's off.
Gervaise is there,
and Oliver's still at the back,
having trouble
with the matchboxes.
Now, here's
the hunt ball photograph.
And the first here is Simon.
He's going to enjoy a joke
with lady Arabella Plunkett.
She hopes to go into films.
And Vivian's through there
And Nigel's there
enjoying a joke-
with lady Sarah Pencil Farthing
Vivian Steamroller-
Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave
Gore Stringbottom Smith.
And there's... and there's Simon
now in the sports car.
He's reversed
into the old woman.
He's caught her
absolutely beautifully.
Now he's going to accelerate
forward there-
to wake up the neighbor.
There's Vivian, I think...
No, Vivian's lost his keys...
No, there's Vivian!
He's got the old woman,
slowly but surely,
right in the midriff,
and here he is.
Here he is to wake up
the neighbor now.
Simon right in the lead,
comfortably in the lead,
but he can't get this neighbor
woken up.
He's slamming away there
as best he can.
He's getting absolutely
no reaction at all.
There! there, he's woken him up
and Simon's through.
Here comes Vivian...
Vivian to slam the door.
And there we are
back at the hunt ball.
I think that's Gervaise.
Yes, that's Gervaise
going through there.
And here... here comes Oliver,
brave Oliver.
Is he going to make it
to the table?
No, I don't think he is.
Yes, he is.
Oh! What a great twit!
And the crowd are really rising
to him there.
And there, I can see...
who is that there?
Yes, that's Nigel.
Nigel has woken the neighbor.
My God, this is exciting!
Nigel's very excited,
he's going through.
Here comes Gervaise.
Gervaise...
oh, no, this is...
Out in the front there is Simon
Who is supposed
to insult the waiter-
and he's forgotten.
And oliver has run himself over.
What a great twit!
And there...
now here comes Vivian.
Vivian to insult the waiter,
and he is heaping abuse on him-
and he is humiliating him there.
And he's gone into the lead.
Simon's not with him.
No, Vivian's...
has hit the bar.
Now they've got to get
over this bar.
This is extremely difficult,
as it requires
absolutely expert coordination-
between mind and body.
No, they're hitting it there.
Here we go again.
Simon's fallen backwards.
Here's Nigel, and he's tripped.
Nigel has tripped,
and he's under-
and Simon fails again.
Now here is Gervaise,
going to jump through-
and Simon is through
by accident.
Here's Gervaise
to be the last one over.
Here we are.
Here's Nigel right at the head
of the field-
and now he's going
to shoot the rabbit.
These rabbits have been tied
to the ground-
and they're going
to be a bit frisky.
And this is only
a one-day event.
And they're blazing away there.
They're not getting quite
the results that they might.
Gervaise is in there,
trying to bash it to death
with the butt of his rifle.
And I think Nigel's in there
with his bare hands,
but they're not getting
the results they might,
but it is a little bit
misty today-
and they must be shooting
from a range of at least a foot.
But there's a couple
of hits there, I think.
Yes, they've had
a couple of hits-
and the whole field is up again
and here they are.
They're coming up to the debs--
Gervaise first, Vivian second,
Simon third.
And now they've got to take
the bras off from the front.
This is really difficult.
This is really
the most difficult part-
of the entire competition.
And they're having a bit
of trouble in there, I think.
They're really trying now and
the crowd is getting excited-
and I think some of the twits
are getting rather excited, too.
But anyway, Vivian is there,
Vivian is coming through.
Simon's in second place and...
there's Oliver.
He's dead, but he's not
necessarily out of it.
There goes Nigel.
No, he's lost something.
And Gervaise running through
to this final obstacle.
Now, all they have to do here
to win the title is-
to shoot themselves.
Simon has a go--
bad luck, he misses.
Nigel misses.
Now, there's Gervaise,
and Gervaise has shot himself.
Gervaise is upper-class twit
of the year.
There's Nigel--
he's shot Simon by mistake.
Simon is second
and there's Nigel.
Nigel's shot himself.
Nigel is third in this fine
And most exciting upper-class
twit of the year I've ever seen.
Wait-- Nigel's clubbed himself
into fourth place.
And so the final result: the
upper-class twit of the year--
Gervaise Brook-Hampster
of Kensington and Weybridge;
Runner-up-- Vivian Smith-
Smythe-Smith of Kensington;
And third-- Nigel Incubator-
Jones of Henley.
Well, there'll certainly be
some car door slamming-
in the streets
of Kensington tonight.
Dear sir, how splendid it is-
to see the flower
of British manhood-
wiping itself out
with such pluck and tenacity.
Britain need have no fear
with leaders of this caliber.
If only a few of
the so-called working classes-
would destroy themselves
so sportingly.
Yours, etc.
Brigadier Mainwaring
Smith Smith Smith, etc.
(deceased, etc.)
P.s., etc. come on, other ranks,
show your stuff.
Yes, sir, I'll do me best, sir!
No, not
good enough.
No, still not good enough.
Yes, that's better.
Hallelujah, hallelujah...
Okay, all clear.
Now, I understand-
that you want to
marry my daughter.
That's right, yeah, yeah.
Yes, you realize, of course,
that Rosamund is
still rather young?
Daddy, you make me feel
like a child.
Oh, yeah, you know...
Get them when
they're young.
You know what I mean?!
I'm sure you know
what I mean, mister...
Shabby, Ken Shabby.
Mr. Shabby, I just
want to make sure-
that you'll be able to
look after my daughter.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'll be able to look after her,
all right, sport.
You know what I mean?
And...
What job do you do?
I clean out public lavatories.
Is there a promotion involved?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
After five years,
they give me a brush.
I'm sorry, squire,
I've gobbed on your carpet.
And, where are
you going to live?
Well, round at my gran's.
She trains polecats (illrar),
but most of them
have suffocated,
so there should be a bit of
spare room in the attic?
Know what I mean?
I see.
And when do you expect
to get married?
Oh, right away, sport,
right away, you know?
I haven't had it for weeks.
Well, look,
I'll phone the bishop-
and see if we can get the abbey.
Oh, diarrhea.
The story so far...
Rosamund's father
has become ensnared-
by mr. Shabby's extraordinary
personal magnetism.
Bob and Janet have eaten
mr. Farquar's goldfish-
during an Oxfam lunch-
and mrs. Elsmore's marriage
is threatened-
by Doug's insistence
that he is-
on a different level
of consciousness.
Louise's hernia (br?ck)
has been confirmed-
and Jim, Bob's brother, has run
over the editor of The Lancet,
on his way to see Jenny,
a freelance pagoda designer.
On the other side
of the continent,
Napoleon still broods
over the smoldering remains-
of a city he had crossed
half the earth to conquer,
whilst Mary,
Roger's half-sister,
settles down
to watch television.
There now follows
a party political broadcast-
on behalf of the Wood party.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
that the present weak drafting
of the local government bill,
leaves a lot to be desired-
and we intend to fight.
Hello?
Hello?!
I'm afraid the minister's fallen
through the earth's crust.
Excuse me a moment.
Hello?
Hello.
Are you all right, minister?
I appear to have landed
on this kind of ledge thing.
Shall we lower down
one of the BBC ropes?
If you'd be so kind.
What length of BBC rope-
will we be likely to need?
I should use
the longest BBC rope.
That would be a good idea,
I would imagine.
Okey-doke, chief.
Tex, get the longest BBC rope
and bring it here pronto.
In the meantime, since
I am on all channels,
perhaps I'd better carry on
with this broadcast,
by shouting about
our housing plans,
from down here
as best as I can.
Could someone throw me down
a script?
The script would appear-
to have landed
on a different ledge,
somewhat out of my grasp,
don't you know.
Well, perhaps when the rope
reaches you, minister,
you could kind
of swing over-
to the ledge and grab it.
Good idea.
Well, I'm going to carry on-
if I can read the script.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party...
Feel very strongly about...
the present weak drafting
of the local government bill.
And... no, it's no good,
it's not working.
I think I'll have to try
and make a grab for it.
Ah! There we are.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party feel very
strongly about the present...
Oh, dear.
Hello!
Hello!
Look, I must look
a bit of a chump,
hanging upside down like this.
Don't worry,
minister.
I think, love, if we turn
the picture upside down,
we should help
the minister, then.
Oh, good.
Look, I'm sorry about this.
There seems to be
a few gremlins about.
I think I'd better start
from the beginning.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly about...
Oh, bloody heck!
Oh, dear.
Terribly sorry about this...
About saying "bloody heck"
on all channels, but...
There's another script
on the way down, minister.
Oh, good, good.
Well... good evening.
Well, how are you?
Oh, look, I don't want you
to think of the Wood party-
as a load of old men that
like hanging around on ropes,
only I...
Thank you.
Good evening.
We in the Wood party
feel very strongly-
about the present
weak drafting...
Look, I think we'd better
call it a day.
Is this the furthest distance-
that a minister
has fallen? Robert.
Surprisingly not.
The Canadian minister
for external affairs-
fell nearly seven miles,
during a liberal conference
in Ottawa about six years ago.
And then quite recently,
the Kenyan minister
for agric. and fish,
fell nearly 12 miles,
during a Nairobi debate
in parliament;
although this hasn't been
ratified yet.
How far did the Filipino cabinet
fall last march?
Well, they fell nearly 39 miles
But it's not nearly
so remarkable, as that was due-
to their combined weight,
of course, Robert.
Yes, well, thank you, Robert.
Well now, what are your
reactions to all this? Robert.
Well... well, Robert
The main thing is
that it's terribly exciting,
tremendously exciting.
You see, the minister is
quite clearly lodged-
between rocks we know terribly
little of, terribly little.
Of course, the main thing is
we're getting color pictures-
of an extraordinarily
high quality.
Extraordinarily high quality.
But the important thing is...
The really exciting thing is,
the minister will be bringing
back samples of the earth's core,
which will give us a tremendous,
really tremendous, tremendous,
tremendous clue,
as to the origins of the earth
and what God himself is made of.
Oh, oh, I needed that.
Thank you, Robert.
Well, that seems to be-
about all
we have time for tonight,
unless anyone has
anything else to say.
Has anyone anything else to say?
No.
Nope, nope.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No!
No.
No.
Bloody fairy.
No.
No!
No.
No.
No.
Nein... no.
No.
No, no, no, no.
What do we mean by "no"?
What do we mean by "yes"?
What do we mean by "no, no, no"?
Tonight Spectrum looks at the
whole question of "what is no?"