Monsters (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 12 - Fools' Gold - full transcript
Three construction workers find a hidden cave with treasure guarded by a troll.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[FATHER SIGHS]
[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]
[UTENSILS CLATTERING]
Honey, it's family hour,
there must be something on.
DAUGHTER:
Oh, wow, Candied Critters!
[FATHER EXCLAIMS]
Oh, great. It's Monsters,
our favorite show!
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
[SHUSHING]
It's starting.
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
[FATHER CHUCKLES]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[ROCKS RUMBLING]
[HAMMERING LIGHTLY]
[MAN SCREAMS]
[MONSTER ROARING]
[SCREAMING STOPS]
MAN: Look, Ms. Atkinson,
we're not trying
to cause you trouble.
Yeah, these jobs
take a little longer
because it's hard to dig
through this rocky soil.
Yeah, that's why
we're getting started
early today.
Gerry's down
there already.
Yeah and we didn't
get paid overtime for this.
Look, I'm just
the supervisor, okay?
All I know is I'm paying
you guys to finish this job
by the end of the weekend.
[GASPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Gerry!
Get him with me, Joe.
Come on!
Okay, Joe, give me
a hand. Come on.
I got him.
I got him.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
What the hell
happened to him?
That looks like
he was burned
to death.
But what did it?
What could've burned
his face like that?
Beats the hell
out of me.
Hey, lady,
this job just got
a lot more complicated
and a lot
more expensive.
And whatever it was
came out of that hole.
Maybe we should
call the police.
Yeah, I think
you're right.
That light in there,
I wonder what's
causing it.
Looks like some
kind of foxfire, maybe.
You know, back home,
I used to see logs
that looked like they
was on fire with them.
Don't go in there, Phil.
Don't worry
about me, lady.
I can handle myself.
Hey, not that one.
That's mine.
What the hell
difference
does it make?
When you've been
down this muck
as long as I have, Phil,
you get
sentimental about
certain things.
I've had this pick
for nearly 30 years.
She and me,
we work well together.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Okay, fine.
Christ, Gerry's dead,
we're arguing over picks.
Hey, you're one
crazy old cooch, yo.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
He's got something in his hand.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
It's gold.
You sure?
I ain't seen a lot
of gold in my life.
But I know
what it looks like.
Now, he found it in there.
Maybe there's more.
Give me the flashlight.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
What do you see?
Something glittering.
Looks like another coin.
Here.
I'm gonna check it out.
No, don't.
Look, why not?
Joe, there could be
a fortune in there.
Are you forgetting that
whatever killed Gerry's
probably in there too?
[CHUCKLES] No, I...
I ain't forgetting.
As long I got
ol' Betsy here,
I ain't too
worried either.
You're crazy to crawl
through that hole
till we know for sure
what's in there.
Look, I already know
for sure one thing that's
already in there, old man.
Gold.
And that's the only
reason I need
to check it out.
Now, you two telling me
you ain't interested in
buried treasure?
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WATER DRIPPING]
What do you think
is in there?
Gold.
Something that burns
a man to death.
[EXCLAIMS] It's crazy.
Oh, man.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm rich.
I'm rich.
[EXHALES]
Boy, what a hell
of a way to make
a living.
You've been doing
this a long time,
haven't you?
Going on nearly
30 years.
I've probably dug
halfway across
this country
if you put it
all together.
Yeah. Sometimes
I feel the same way.
Only instead of
digging through rock,
I dig through
paper work. [SIGHS]
Tons of it.
My name's Sherrie,
by the way.
You know, people
weren't meant
to work underground.
We belong in
the sunlight, fresh air.
You know, there are
other things
better suited for caves.
Like what?
My grandmother was
from the old country.
You know, I remember
the old legends and stories
she used to tell me
about elves and fairies.
And trolls.
Trolls?
[SCOFFS] That's a myth.
That... a fairy tale.
If you say so.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.
[GROWLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[MONSTER GROWLS]
Who's there?
[GROWLING]
[THUDS]
Hah! Come on, dirtbag.
Whoever you are.
[SCREAMS]
What was that?
I don't know.
[PHIL SCREAMING]
[YELLS] Phil!
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
I gotta try
to help him.
Phil?
[TROLL GROWLING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
Phil?
Phil?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[SCREAMS]
[PHIL GRUNTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Don't go near the hole.
But Joe's still in there.
[TROLL GROWLING]
[TROLL GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
It's burning my foot!
[SCREAMS]
[CRACKLING]
[PANTS]
[GROWLS]
You gonna be all right?
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
I think we better
get out of here.
But listen.
Listen I was right.
There is treasure
in there. Look.
I'm telling you.
It could be ours.
All of it!
You're nuts!
You can't get that
with that troll
guarding it.
Troll? [CHUCKLES]
You're trying to
tell me that thing's
a troll in there?
Damn straight it is.
Burnt your arm, didn't it?
According to legend,
a troll's blood is
boiling hot.
A troll holds
treasure underground.
It uses it to lure
people into its lair.
So?
So, okay,
what if it is a troll?
There's gotta be
something trolls
are afraid of.
There is.
Sunlight.
And iron can kill 'em.
No, that... that ain't
gonna work, Joe.
I used mine on
the bastard, didn't
even feel it.
But your pick's new.
It's made out of steel.
I told you
I've had this
nearly 30 years.
It's good solid iron.
Well, that's great.
Then let's go
get the gold.
Come on, Joe.
You wanna die with
a pick in your hand,
or a champagne glass?
You've been down
in this muck
for 30 years,
you should take it
out of here.
You.
You wanna be
the boss' errand girl
your whole life?
Having to come down
here and tell us
to work harder
'cause he doesn't
wanna get his
shoes dirty?
No way.
Well, then, uh...
you stick with me.
[COINS JINGLING]
You can open up
your own business.
Oh, what is the matter
with the two of you?
It's as easy as
winning the lottery.
Now all we gotta do
is go in there and get it.
But what about the troll?
Well, there's
gotta be
something here
that'll keep that
little creep out
of our hair.
Wait till he gets
an eyeful of this.
[TROLL GROWLING]
Come on.
Let's get it.
[TROLL GROWLS]
It worked.
Come on.
It's all right.
Come on.
[JOE GRUNTS]
All right.
PHIL: Careful, now.
It's up here.
Okay, keep
your eyes open.
It's right up here.
Come on.
Take a look at that.
Huh? What'd I tell ya?
[TROLL GROWLING]
PHIL: Let's go.
Let's get out of here.
[GROWLING]
This way.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on. Here you go.
Okay.
Okay.
[JOE GRUNTS]
We did it.
What'd I tell you?
We're rich!
I can't believe that
we pulled it off.
Yeah, well, I'm just glad
we got out of there alive.
Come on, hurry up.
Let's get this
up the stair.
[RUMBLING]
What's that?
It's caving, move back.
[PHIL EXCLAIMS]
[COUGHING]
How the hell
did that happen?
JOE: How you
think it happened?
The troll.
It's trapped us.
You're crazy.
How could one
little critter cause
a cave in like that?
You still don't
get it, do ya?
This is his turf!
He can do anything
he wants down here.
We better block up
that hole with something.
[GRUNTS]
Help me!
JOE: What...
[ALL GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]
It's not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna let that
little monster cheat me
out of this treasure.
Forget the treasure.
We're looking to
get out of here alive.
No way I'm forgetting it.
Not after all I've
gone through to get it.
SHERRIE: Argue about it
when you get out of here.
Hey, lady...
Phil, you got us
into this,
now get us out of it.
[GRUNTS]
I gotta catch my breath.
It's our fault, in a way.
What are you
talking about?
This mess we're in.
We brought it on ourselves.
Well, just how did
you figure that?
That thing trapped us here.
No, he put the gold down here
to lure us into the cavern.
But we had a choice!
We could've said no!
Yeah, well, I'll
worry about that a lot
after I get out of here.
Now, break's over,
old man. Come on,
back to work.
[TROLL GROWLING]
[SCREAMING IN PAIN]
Do something!
Joe, come on. Come on,
you're gonna be okay.
[JOE GROANING IN PAIN]
Okay, you bastard.
You wanna play hardball?
Come on!
[TROLL GROWLING]
[RUMBLING]
[YELLS]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROARING]
[GRUNTING IN PAIN]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
[COUGHS]
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
[STOPS SCREAMING]
[CRIES]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
[SCREAMS]
No!
[TROLL GROWLING]
No! [SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[TROLL SCREAMING IN PAIN]
Do we get
overtime for this?
[PANTING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[FATHER SIGHS]
[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]
[UTENSILS CLATTERING]
Honey, it's family hour,
there must be something on.
DAUGHTER:
Oh, wow, Candied Critters!
[FATHER EXCLAIMS]
Oh, great. It's Monsters,
our favorite show!
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
[SHUSHING]
It's starting.
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
[FATHER CHUCKLES]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[ROCKS RUMBLING]
[HAMMERING LIGHTLY]
[MAN SCREAMS]
[MONSTER ROARING]
[SCREAMING STOPS]
MAN: Look, Ms. Atkinson,
we're not trying
to cause you trouble.
Yeah, these jobs
take a little longer
because it's hard to dig
through this rocky soil.
Yeah, that's why
we're getting started
early today.
Gerry's down
there already.
Yeah and we didn't
get paid overtime for this.
Look, I'm just
the supervisor, okay?
All I know is I'm paying
you guys to finish this job
by the end of the weekend.
[GASPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Gerry!
Get him with me, Joe.
Come on!
Okay, Joe, give me
a hand. Come on.
I got him.
I got him.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
What the hell
happened to him?
That looks like
he was burned
to death.
But what did it?
What could've burned
his face like that?
Beats the hell
out of me.
Hey, lady,
this job just got
a lot more complicated
and a lot
more expensive.
And whatever it was
came out of that hole.
Maybe we should
call the police.
Yeah, I think
you're right.
That light in there,
I wonder what's
causing it.
Looks like some
kind of foxfire, maybe.
You know, back home,
I used to see logs
that looked like they
was on fire with them.
Don't go in there, Phil.
Don't worry
about me, lady.
I can handle myself.
Hey, not that one.
That's mine.
What the hell
difference
does it make?
When you've been
down this muck
as long as I have, Phil,
you get
sentimental about
certain things.
I've had this pick
for nearly 30 years.
She and me,
we work well together.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Okay, fine.
Christ, Gerry's dead,
we're arguing over picks.
Hey, you're one
crazy old cooch, yo.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
He's got something in his hand.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
It's gold.
You sure?
I ain't seen a lot
of gold in my life.
But I know
what it looks like.
Now, he found it in there.
Maybe there's more.
Give me the flashlight.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
What do you see?
Something glittering.
Looks like another coin.
Here.
I'm gonna check it out.
No, don't.
Look, why not?
Joe, there could be
a fortune in there.
Are you forgetting that
whatever killed Gerry's
probably in there too?
[CHUCKLES] No, I...
I ain't forgetting.
As long I got
ol' Betsy here,
I ain't too
worried either.
You're crazy to crawl
through that hole
till we know for sure
what's in there.
Look, I already know
for sure one thing that's
already in there, old man.
Gold.
And that's the only
reason I need
to check it out.
Now, you two telling me
you ain't interested in
buried treasure?
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WATER DRIPPING]
What do you think
is in there?
Gold.
Something that burns
a man to death.
[EXCLAIMS] It's crazy.
Oh, man.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm rich.
I'm rich.
[EXHALES]
Boy, what a hell
of a way to make
a living.
You've been doing
this a long time,
haven't you?
Going on nearly
30 years.
I've probably dug
halfway across
this country
if you put it
all together.
Yeah. Sometimes
I feel the same way.
Only instead of
digging through rock,
I dig through
paper work. [SIGHS]
Tons of it.
My name's Sherrie,
by the way.
You know, people
weren't meant
to work underground.
We belong in
the sunlight, fresh air.
You know, there are
other things
better suited for caves.
Like what?
My grandmother was
from the old country.
You know, I remember
the old legends and stories
she used to tell me
about elves and fairies.
And trolls.
Trolls?
[SCOFFS] That's a myth.
That... a fairy tale.
If you say so.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.
[GROWLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[MONSTER GROWLS]
Who's there?
[GROWLING]
[THUDS]
Hah! Come on, dirtbag.
Whoever you are.
[SCREAMS]
What was that?
I don't know.
[PHIL SCREAMING]
[YELLS] Phil!
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
I gotta try
to help him.
Phil?
[TROLL GROWLING]
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
Phil?
Phil?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[SCREAMS]
[PHIL GRUNTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Don't go near the hole.
But Joe's still in there.
[TROLL GROWLING]
[TROLL GRUNTS]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
It's burning my foot!
[SCREAMS]
[CRACKLING]
[PANTS]
[GROWLS]
You gonna be all right?
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
I think we better
get out of here.
But listen.
Listen I was right.
There is treasure
in there. Look.
I'm telling you.
It could be ours.
All of it!
You're nuts!
You can't get that
with that troll
guarding it.
Troll? [CHUCKLES]
You're trying to
tell me that thing's
a troll in there?
Damn straight it is.
Burnt your arm, didn't it?
According to legend,
a troll's blood is
boiling hot.
A troll holds
treasure underground.
It uses it to lure
people into its lair.
So?
So, okay,
what if it is a troll?
There's gotta be
something trolls
are afraid of.
There is.
Sunlight.
And iron can kill 'em.
No, that... that ain't
gonna work, Joe.
I used mine on
the bastard, didn't
even feel it.
But your pick's new.
It's made out of steel.
I told you
I've had this
nearly 30 years.
It's good solid iron.
Well, that's great.
Then let's go
get the gold.
Come on, Joe.
You wanna die with
a pick in your hand,
or a champagne glass?
You've been down
in this muck
for 30 years,
you should take it
out of here.
You.
You wanna be
the boss' errand girl
your whole life?
Having to come down
here and tell us
to work harder
'cause he doesn't
wanna get his
shoes dirty?
No way.
Well, then, uh...
you stick with me.
[COINS JINGLING]
You can open up
your own business.
Oh, what is the matter
with the two of you?
It's as easy as
winning the lottery.
Now all we gotta do
is go in there and get it.
But what about the troll?
Well, there's
gotta be
something here
that'll keep that
little creep out
of our hair.
Wait till he gets
an eyeful of this.
[TROLL GROWLING]
Come on.
Let's get it.
[TROLL GROWLS]
It worked.
Come on.
It's all right.
Come on.
[JOE GRUNTS]
All right.
PHIL: Careful, now.
It's up here.
Okay, keep
your eyes open.
It's right up here.
Come on.
Take a look at that.
Huh? What'd I tell ya?
[TROLL GROWLING]
PHIL: Let's go.
Let's get out of here.
[GROWLING]
This way.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on. Here you go.
Okay.
Okay.
[JOE GRUNTS]
We did it.
What'd I tell you?
We're rich!
I can't believe that
we pulled it off.
Yeah, well, I'm just glad
we got out of there alive.
Come on, hurry up.
Let's get this
up the stair.
[RUMBLING]
What's that?
It's caving, move back.
[PHIL EXCLAIMS]
[COUGHING]
How the hell
did that happen?
JOE: How you
think it happened?
The troll.
It's trapped us.
You're crazy.
How could one
little critter cause
a cave in like that?
You still don't
get it, do ya?
This is his turf!
He can do anything
he wants down here.
We better block up
that hole with something.
[GRUNTS]
Help me!
JOE: What...
[ALL GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]
It's not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna let that
little monster cheat me
out of this treasure.
Forget the treasure.
We're looking to
get out of here alive.
No way I'm forgetting it.
Not after all I've
gone through to get it.
SHERRIE: Argue about it
when you get out of here.
Hey, lady...
Phil, you got us
into this,
now get us out of it.
[GRUNTS]
I gotta catch my breath.
It's our fault, in a way.
What are you
talking about?
This mess we're in.
We brought it on ourselves.
Well, just how did
you figure that?
That thing trapped us here.
No, he put the gold down here
to lure us into the cavern.
But we had a choice!
We could've said no!
Yeah, well, I'll
worry about that a lot
after I get out of here.
Now, break's over,
old man. Come on,
back to work.
[TROLL GROWLING]
[SCREAMING IN PAIN]
Do something!
Joe, come on. Come on,
you're gonna be okay.
[JOE GROANING IN PAIN]
Okay, you bastard.
You wanna play hardball?
Come on!
[TROLL GROWLING]
[RUMBLING]
[YELLS]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROARING]
[GRUNTING IN PAIN]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
[COUGHS]
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
[STOPS SCREAMING]
[CRIES]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
[SCREAMS]
No!
[TROLL GROWLING]
No! [SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
[TROLL SCREAMING IN PAIN]
Do we get
overtime for this?
[PANTING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]