Monsterland (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Plainfield, Illinois - full transcript
A suburban lawyer debates life and death.
Look, my client has
a reasonable expectation of privacy
everywhere on his property,
including the backyard‐‐
Ten acres of pristine natural forest.
Just to be clear.
For which he paid handsomely
and can therefore expect to control.
They're his domain.
We're not talking about his "domain,"
we're talking about the airspace above it.
My client has the right
to fly her plane over his yard.
And take high‐res photos
of the private property?
I don't think so‐‐
Of trees! For a nature magazine!
And they are visible from public space.
There's no right to privacy in the air.
California v. Ciraolo:
Aerial observation of a person's backyard
is not a violation
of the Fourth Amendment.
Kyllo v.
Surveillance of private property
from a public vantage point
constitutes a search
and requires a warrant.
Okay, that was thermal imaging
technology deployed by cops,
not photos taken by a wilderness blogger.
And who's to say
the cops won't come next, huh?
Do you really want
to set that precedent, counselor?
That we can spy on private citizens
as long as we do it from above?
No, counselor.
I want to set the precedent
that the sky is not for sale.
Okay! Time's up.
Thank you, ladies. That was zealous.
And a stalemate, if I ever saw one.
Who wants to follow them, hm?
Not me.
Come on,
don't be shy. Mr. Clifford?
Miss Andrews? Come on,
you're up, let's go.
All right, give me your napkin.
Pen?
Uh‐‐.
Oh, excuse me?
Hey. Hi, I'm Kate.
- Gus.
- Gus. Hi.
Can I borrow your pen?
I promise I won't steal it.
All right.
Thank you.
All right.
Shameless.
Whatever. Okay.
Year 16,
what are we gonna do?
Renovate the basement.
Oh, wow. Fun.
Happy anniversary.
What? Have you been down there recently?
We got mold, we got bugs‐‐
Exactly, it's a murderscape. Lost cause.
Now, I am going to get
a white dove orchid.
Hmm.
And I'm going to keep that bitch alive,
so help me god.
Okay, gauntlet thrown.
And I'm gonna finish the scrapbook
in time for Heather's bat mitzvah.
What else?
Yes, ma'am.
What else? Oh! I was thinking
maybe I could kill Barb.
I‐slash‐we.
Barb Bressler?
No, Streisand.
Yes, Barb Bressler!
Wicked witch of the cul‐de‐sac.
"Murder... Barb."
Or maybe just her dog.
You know, I'd settle
for her little dog. "Susan."
"Susan."
Do you know that thing has
ten thousand followers on Instagram?
Unh‐unh.
Uhh‐‐
Mmmm.
All right, all right, all right.
All right.
Copy that. No work.
Thank you.
No work.
Okay. So we have four goals so far,
two are chores, one is a felony.
It's a public service, really.
Correct. Still‐‐.
What are we gonna do for us?
I mean, considering we survived
the shitstorm that was Year 15,
I think it's kinda like,
go big or go home, right?
So we go big, then.
What do you have in mind?
Italy.
Six weeks. Rome, Venice, Tuscany. Gelato.
Museums. Wine tours.
You and me.
What do you think?
Well, I mean, you had me at gelato, so‐‐
Good. 'Cause, um,
we leave in a month.
Wait, you‐‐
you booked it already?
Mm‐hmm.
Yeah.
I went big.
Yeah, you did!
Mm‐hmm?
Wow, this is‐‐
Yeah.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, baby.
I‐I love you.
All right, all right, break it up.
Tequila shots,
- courtesy of jealous bartenders everywhere.
- Aww!
- Thank you, Gus.
- Oh no.
Yes. Come on, down the hatch.
Fifteen years today, I hear that right?
Mm.
Ohh. Holy shit.
Woo!
Fifteen years down.
Uh‐huh.
What's the secret,
you don't mind me asking?
Marry her.
Ah! Ooh! Ah!
My foot.
I have to send this message.
Ooh!
No, we changed the code,
remember?
Good thinkin', boss.
Oh‐Hello!
Yeah. No, it's the homeowners. We‐‐.
No, we had too much to drink.
Uh‐‐.
What are you doing?
I need a corkscrew.
Uh, authorization, um‐‐.
Uh, should be our kid's birth date. 9407?
Oh, thank God.
Oh‐Oh, yeah.
We will. Okay.
Least we know they can protect us
from us, right?
Uh‐huh. Yeah.
Hey, um, I‐‐
I'm... I'm good for tonight.
Come on!
It's a special occasion.
Shiraz, from the partners.
No, I know, but those shots did me in.
And, well, I‐‐.
And with your medication,
we should, you know, quit
while we're ahead, yeah?
Or you could not be such a buzzkill
and we could toast
to staying fun in Year 16.
Fine. One glass.
Yay!
And water!
Mmm.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Wow. Dinner's at 7:00.
You're not even dressed.
What are you doing here?
Come on. Costume change.
Did you not get my message?
Which?
Oh!
You mean your 28 second breakup voicemail?
"Hi, it's me,
"I think you're the love of my life,
but also we're over."
Okay. I guess you got it.
Sure did.
But then I realized
that if you can unilaterally decide
we're breaking up,
after six objectively perfect months,
then I can unilaterally decide
that we're not!
And since we're not,
I don't wanna lose the table.
So, put on some real pants.
Wait, no, I was serious.
I have reasons.
Okay.
Let's hear 'em, then.
Make your case, counselor,
and I'll make mine.
Due process.
So, last weekend,
you asked me to go hiking
and I said I couldn't
because I had to go
to my cousin Eli's wedding in Springfield.
I wasn't at his wedding.
I was running around my building, naked.
Kind of half‐screaming, half‐singing,
until my neighbor called the cops.
I had a, um,
manic episode.
I have bipolar, type 1. Type "fun."
Except, you know. Not.
This is some of the stuff
I, um, take for it.
They all, like, kinda work
when they feel like it.
And therapy helps, obviously.
And routine, exercise, sleep.
All of these plants, I had
a social worker once
who told me
to "surround myself with life."
So I bought a fern.
And it helped a little.
I know myself, okay.
And I am more in it
with you every second.
So I have to walk away now.
Your turn.
I love you.
No, Shawn, no, that's not an argument‐‐
Yes, it is.
No.
It's the only argument, Kate.
I know you say that right now,
but this thing that's inside of me,
it's mean.
And sooner or later,
it will wear you down, Shawn.
And one day, you'll think, "You know what?
This is too much."
And you'll be right. So‐‐.
- Shawn?
- Yeah. Uh, just
pull the merger agreement for me,
have it on my desk when I come in.
Do you want digital or hard copy?
Hard copy, yeah.
Okay, so I'll‐‐.
Get off the phone.
Yeah, talk to you in the morning.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Didn't we do this part already?
We couldn't be loud at the bar.
Okay.
Wait.
Shawn! It's two a. m.
It's not work.
I asked you to set some boundaries.
It's Heather.
Oh.
"Up late studying.
Happy anniversary!
"Don't party too hard."
Aww!
Awwww!
"Studying."
Yeah, right.
"Thanks, hon. We love you."
"Yeah. Go to bed."
"Go to bed."
Mm‐hmm. Bed.
Man,
I hope she's all right.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't know.
She's so little, you know.
At boarding school.
I hope it's fun.
More Harry Potter,
less... Dead Poets Society.
What? What did I say?
Why is she there, Shawn?
Whose fault is it... Shawn?
Why don't you remind us,
Okay, no.
...one more time?
That's not what I meant.
I'm not a fucking newborn.
You can't gaslight me.
"Gaslight" you?
I swear to god, that's not what I‐‐
So say it then!
Say it.
I swear, that's not what I was trying‐‐
So say it. Say it, then.
Why is Heather at boarding school?
Jesus, Kate, can we just take a breath?
No, no, no, no, no. You don't get
to just, like, allude to shit
and then tap‐dance away from it‐‐
Tap dance!
Christ, I wasn't alluding to anything.
Cut the shit, Shawn!
Why is our kid gone?
Just fucking say it!
Just fucking say it!
All right!
She's there because you tried
to kill yourself
three times this year alone.
And the third time,
our 12‐year‐old found you
passed out in your own vomit.
So yeah, I thought she could use
a change of scenery.
Does that feel better?
No.
Fuck.
Because the thing I don't get
is how I'm ever supposed to heal
with you thinking that shit
all the time.
I can't even have a fucking drink
without you breathing down‐‐
You're on Effexor,
you could have a seizure.
I can't even go to fuckin' work!
We agreed that you should take
some time off!
Why can't you just admit
it doesn't matter what I do?
It's all you see!
If I'm pissed off? Pfft!
"She's crazy."
If I want sex? "Oh, she's crazy."
If I book Italy tickets‐‐
Okay, that was a big purchase.
Amazing, but...
impulsive.
And I‐I ca‐I can't just take
six weeks off of work, Kate,
we need to talk about it!
Baby. Hey.
No.
Please‐Hey, can't we just‐‐
No!
No. No!
Don't shut down.
Just talk about this.
No, you don't understand!
I can't.
I can't. I can't.
I can just feel the claws in my brain‐‐
No, not tonight. No, tonight was fun!
Kate! Hey!
Do you remember the... the List?
Kate.
No, hey, listen. We don't have to‐‐.
We can still go back.
Kate.
Kate, listen.
I can't lose this night. I‐I am tired.
I can't do this forever!
Kate.
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
What else is going on for you?
Health, family? Girlfriend?
Kate.
Kate.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've been together for a year.
Hmm.
We just moved in together, actually.
Uh, she's...
Pff, everything.
Yeah, Kate's it.
Uh, but she, um,
struggles.
Uh, mental health‐wise.
Hmm.
And I thought I understood,
but now we have this
one bedroom apartment and‐‐
And?
When she's depressed,
all she can talk about is... dying.
I mean, it's not like,
here's my plan for the day, but‐‐
Ideation.
Yeah.
And it scares me.
Because she tried once in college
and then again in her twenties.
So twice, I guess? Not recently, but‐‐.
Sometimes I think, like,
"Well, fuck, Kate, if you really wanna die
so bad, just fucking do it,"
you know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No.
God, I sound like a fuckin' sociopath.
No. You're overwhelmed, Shawn.
What's wrong with me?
Jesus! Fuck!
What happened?
Why am I wet?
Uh, oh my god!
You're...
here. You‐‐.
You're here.
Well, yeah.
I live here, believe it or not.
In the suburbs.
Oh my god.
I thought I'd lost you.
I was so scared.
Kate‐‐
Aw, why, babe?
Don't be scared.
I love you.
I love you so much.
What?
What's wrong?
N‐Noth‐Nothing.
Nothing, baby.
Come here. Come here.
Everything's all right, okay.
Everything is gonna be just fine.
I promise.
Okay.
Okay.
Almond milk, one Splenda.
Thanks.
Mmm.
Ugh.
Oh.
Sorry, I'm just...
queasy or something.
No, it's all good.
What happened?
Last night?
Do you know?
What do you remember?
I don't know. I'm‐‐
I'm trying but it's all static.
Like I can't get...
the right channel or something.
Well... we went out.
To the arcade bar you're always pushing.
Goldie's?
Year 16.
That's right! Mm‐hmm.
Ate our weight in nachos.
Drank like we were 25, got in late,
and then... uh,
I guess you took a bath.
Must've fallen asleep in the tub.
Right.
Wait, do you‐‐
you do remember me, right?
Do I remember my wife? Please.
I wasn't that drunk.
Do you remember yours?
It's freezing in here. I can‐‐.
I can feel my bones.
That's an easy one.
Come on.
Here we go.
Found it!
Kate?
Kate.
What's wrong with the water?
What do you mean?
Uh, rusty pipes, maybe?
I'll call a plumber.
Here.
Get cozy.
You sure you're okay with me going in?
I‐I wouldn't if it weren't for Lakeside,
we're just so close to signing‐‐
I'm fine!
Go.
What are you gonna do?
Scrapbook! I told you, I have to finish.
It's my white whale.
You positive you'll be okay?
I don't know. I got
all these Sharpies and stickers,
who knows what could happen?
Go.
Weirdo.
Excuse me? Shawn?
I've got Lakeside on the line.
I know. I know.
Hey, Shawn, how's it going?
Hi.
Yeah. No, I‐‐.
Listen, I went back over the agreement,
and I hear your concerns‐‐.
...covenants.
Obligations between signing
and closing and after closing‐‐
Let's hand it off to Shawn.
Shawn. Shawn!
Right! Uh... yes!
Next slide please?
I'm home, babe.
Sorry I'm late. Hey.
Kate?
Hi.
There you are.
Wow, you're still at it?
How's‐How's it coming?
I can't figure out who this is.
That's your mom, Kate.
From‐From our wedding.
Remember?
Here.
There you go.
Kate?
- Good tub, huh?
- Good everything.
I love our house.
Even if it's in the suburbs?
I mean, somebody's got
to spice 'em up, right?
There's just one thing missing.
No. Kate, we've had this debate.
I could do it in my sleep.
It's not safe.
Okay, wait‐‐
We can still talk about adoption‐‐
No, wait, wait.
My turn.
I've been stable for a year.
No episodes. And not without triggers.
Did you see me bat an eye during escrow?
No.
I'll do it safely.
Scale back at work, bump up therapy,
taper off meds.
I want a baby, Shawn.
Look, I know it might be hard,
but you can't build a case
on what might happen.
Not might.
Will. It will be hard.
So it'll be hard.
We're us.
We can do hard things.
‐ Listen, Shawn, I took‐‐
‐ No.
Jordan, we went over that discrepancy.
She says she's done
a couple of pages.
Uh‐huh.
...seven,
doesn't come up again until...
I'm just worried the clients
are gonna see this as us not doing our...
Did you get my note on page 6?
Yeah, I saw what you wrote,
but there's something right here‐‐
...come in my office, we can talk about it.
Listen, it‐‐
Shawn?
Uh, Jordan, can I call you back?
Shawn‐‐
Hey, honey?
Everything okay in here?
I want to go outside.
You wanna‐‐.
Okay, well,
I don't know about that.
It's... pretty cold out.
It's better to stay in, right?
But I want to go.
Hey, why don't I stay in with you?
I'll call out of work.
Play hooky.
What the hell, right?
I guess.
Great.
Maybe let's get you a hat.
Montepulciano,
from the Abruzzo region.
Italian, babe.
Oh!
Little preview of our big trip?
And the final touch,
la musica!
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
There's no music!
No food,
wine, or coffee‐‐
Let's just talk.
We're good at that, right?
Uh‐‐
How about‐‐.
How about a debate?
Red sauce versus white!
Which side you want?
I want to go outside.
Okay, Kate, no,
we talked about this.
Why can't I go out?
Because it's cold as shit, okay,
and you need to stay with me.
So come on, let's go.
I'll take red.
Marinara.
Plainly superior to cream sauce.
I mean, you have your health benefits.
Vitamin C, fat‐free, heart‐healthy.
Plus it's delicious, so‐‐.
Team red sauce all the way for me.
Your turn!
I'll get it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why don't we go upstairs.
Stay in Heather's room, okay.
Okay, give me a second.
There we go.
Just... for a minute.
Who's Heather?
Barb!
Shawn. Hi.
Is everything all right over here?
Of course!
Oh good!
Well, I was just taking Susan out
to use the ladies',
and I couldn't help but hear, um,
kind of a scream...
coming from your house, so‐‐
Uh‐‐.
Uh, a s‐a scream?
A woman's scream, yeah.
Is Kate doing all right?
Yeah.
Kate's just fine. She's...
doing well.
Ever since the bake sale‐‐.
That was quite a scene, you know‐‐.
Yeah, Barb, that‐that was a bad day.
Mm‐hmm.
Kate shouldn't have been out.
I've apologized repeatedly‐‐
No, no, no. Shh, shh, shh.
No, please, please. No need. No need.
I think about the kids, you know.
It's a family neighborhood.
Of course.
Okay.
It won't happen again.
All right! Oh, thank you‐‐.
All right.
That's great.
All right.
Give Kate my best‐‐
Oh, you were right,
we definitely have to murder Barb‐‐
Hey, babe.
What you doin' down here?
You wanna come out?
No.
I like it here.
It's dark.
Well, you can come back later.
Just... come on out
for a little bit, maybe?
No.
Go away.
Leave me alone.
Leave you alone?
Oh, leave you alone. Really?
You know, I wish I could, Kate,
but I can't.
Look what happens when I leave you alone!
You don't get to hide, okay.
You have responsibilities and a family.
So get the fuck out from under the bed!
No!
Kate, come on!
No! No!
No! No!
No!
Sorry.
I didn't mean to be...
so mean.
I want to go outside.
Uh‐‐.
Tell me.
Am I your prisoner?
Jesus, Kate.
I want to go.
You always wanted to go!
Since day one.
That's the story of our life.
You want to go, I beg you to stay.
"Please don't break up with me,
"please don't shut down,
please don't die."
I'll do anything.
Figure out what you took,
suicide‐proof the house,
explain to our traumatized kid.
I'll do anything
if you'll just please just stay.
And you try. And you go away again.
And it's... it's selfish.
I know I'm not supposed to say it,
but it is.
I want to go outside.
No, please.
I remember you.
I know you do, Kate.
You're the woman who left me
in the bathtub.
No.
You were dead.
You were dead in the tub, already.
You were.
I wasn't.
You left me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Kate, I‐‐.
I was so tired.
You always try again, you‐‐.
I couldn't convince you!
I couldn't keep you here, I‐‐
I thought‐‐.
I'm sorry, Kate.
I'm sorry.
So, so sorry.
I will never, ever, ever leave you again.
Do you hear me?
I promise!
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
Fuck!
Kate!
Sweetie.
No!
Come on!
No!
We're going home.
You know what?
Fine.
We'll do this your way.
Gotcha.
Hey, babe!
I'm back!
Brought you a new friend.
I don't know. Looks like
they're onto me at work.
Rob especially.
What am I gonna tell 'em
I have next, scarlet fever?
I sound like a kid in a Dickens book.
Maybe I should quit.
Let's debate it.
Shawn v. Shindle & Dawes LLP.
I say I should quit.
I could spend more time with you,
stop lying all the time,
quit being a white‐shoe sellout.
Boom.
Your turn.
All right.
Guess I win.
'Night, babe.
Love you.
Kate?
Hey there.
How we doin'?
I've been debating myself all day.
Should I live,
or should I die.
Do you wanna hear the sides?
Of course.
If I die,
there will be no more fighting.
No more claws in my brain.
No more embarrassment,
no more psych wards, no more cops.
No more war.
For either of us.
But if I live‐‐
Then we get the baby.
Yeah.
I was thinking about Heather.
As a name.
What do you think?
Heather.
"Heather, go clean your room."
I like it.
It's good.
I like it, too.
Mom?
Ma?
Either mom? Any mom?
Just a kid lookin' for a mom here.
Ma?
Hmm.
Kate.
Kate.
Heather's here.
Mom?
Oh, I'll be back, okay.
Heather?
Mom! Hey, surprise.
Yes, it is. Wh‐‐.
We didn't expect you till Christmas!
I've decided I would rather stay here
for the three days
than Bethany's dumb "ski chalet."
Well, so what, did you hitchhike home?
Oh please. That's so '70s.
I caught a ride with Ali's mom and‐‐.
Whoa.
Mom, you reek, no offense, but...
were you in the basement?
Ew.
Come here.
You hungry?
Yeah.
I guess, it's pretty good.
I like my classes this semester.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
And it's actually going great. Like,
I'm not anxious about midterms anymore.
And I picked a project
for the science fair.
"The Effects of Acid Rain
on House Plants."
Whoa!
Very nice.
Oh, and also, okay, um,
I have to tell you something.
But just don't... freak out
or be embarrassing. Okay?
I'll do my best.
I joined the debate team.
See, that! Oh my god.
No, no, no.
You are so gonna be a stage mom.
No, no. I'll‐I'll contain myself.
Go.
Ah, tell me everything!
Well, we had our first debate.
Mm‐hmm.
I crushed it, obviously‐‐
Obviously.
Only been training since the womb.
Question is, can you beat your old mom?
School uniforms versus free dress.
I take uniforms.
I'll take freedom.
Sucker‐‐
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'll go first, okay.
School uniforms are fundamentally good
for students and school communities.
They eliminate distractions,
reduce the perception of inequality,
and even help students get more sleep,
since we don't have to wake up
early in the morning
and decide what we're going to wear.
Also, they're affordable, neat,
and actually pretty comfortable, so‐‐.
Your turn.
Mom? You gonna go or what?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay.
So‐‐
a reasonable expectation of privacy
everywhere on his property,
including the backyard‐‐
Ten acres of pristine natural forest.
Just to be clear.
For which he paid handsomely
and can therefore expect to control.
They're his domain.
We're not talking about his "domain,"
we're talking about the airspace above it.
My client has the right
to fly her plane over his yard.
And take high‐res photos
of the private property?
I don't think so‐‐
Of trees! For a nature magazine!
And they are visible from public space.
There's no right to privacy in the air.
California v. Ciraolo:
Aerial observation of a person's backyard
is not a violation
of the Fourth Amendment.
Kyllo v.
Surveillance of private property
from a public vantage point
constitutes a search
and requires a warrant.
Okay, that was thermal imaging
technology deployed by cops,
not photos taken by a wilderness blogger.
And who's to say
the cops won't come next, huh?
Do you really want
to set that precedent, counselor?
That we can spy on private citizens
as long as we do it from above?
No, counselor.
I want to set the precedent
that the sky is not for sale.
Okay! Time's up.
Thank you, ladies. That was zealous.
And a stalemate, if I ever saw one.
Who wants to follow them, hm?
Not me.
Come on,
don't be shy. Mr. Clifford?
Miss Andrews? Come on,
you're up, let's go.
All right, give me your napkin.
Pen?
Uh‐‐.
Oh, excuse me?
Hey. Hi, I'm Kate.
- Gus.
- Gus. Hi.
Can I borrow your pen?
I promise I won't steal it.
All right.
Thank you.
All right.
Shameless.
Whatever. Okay.
Year 16,
what are we gonna do?
Renovate the basement.
Oh, wow. Fun.
Happy anniversary.
What? Have you been down there recently?
We got mold, we got bugs‐‐
Exactly, it's a murderscape. Lost cause.
Now, I am going to get
a white dove orchid.
Hmm.
And I'm going to keep that bitch alive,
so help me god.
Okay, gauntlet thrown.
And I'm gonna finish the scrapbook
in time for Heather's bat mitzvah.
What else?
Yes, ma'am.
What else? Oh! I was thinking
maybe I could kill Barb.
I‐slash‐we.
Barb Bressler?
No, Streisand.
Yes, Barb Bressler!
Wicked witch of the cul‐de‐sac.
"Murder... Barb."
Or maybe just her dog.
You know, I'd settle
for her little dog. "Susan."
"Susan."
Do you know that thing has
ten thousand followers on Instagram?
Unh‐unh.
Uhh‐‐
Mmmm.
All right, all right, all right.
All right.
Copy that. No work.
Thank you.
No work.
Okay. So we have four goals so far,
two are chores, one is a felony.
It's a public service, really.
Correct. Still‐‐.
What are we gonna do for us?
I mean, considering we survived
the shitstorm that was Year 15,
I think it's kinda like,
go big or go home, right?
So we go big, then.
What do you have in mind?
Italy.
Six weeks. Rome, Venice, Tuscany. Gelato.
Museums. Wine tours.
You and me.
What do you think?
Well, I mean, you had me at gelato, so‐‐
Good. 'Cause, um,
we leave in a month.
Wait, you‐‐
you booked it already?
Mm‐hmm.
Yeah.
I went big.
Yeah, you did!
Mm‐hmm?
Wow, this is‐‐
Yeah.
Oh, thank you. Thank you, baby.
I‐I love you.
All right, all right, break it up.
Tequila shots,
- courtesy of jealous bartenders everywhere.
- Aww!
- Thank you, Gus.
- Oh no.
Yes. Come on, down the hatch.
Fifteen years today, I hear that right?
Mm.
Ohh. Holy shit.
Woo!
Fifteen years down.
Uh‐huh.
What's the secret,
you don't mind me asking?
Marry her.
Ah! Ooh! Ah!
My foot.
I have to send this message.
Ooh!
No, we changed the code,
remember?
Good thinkin', boss.
Oh‐Hello!
Yeah. No, it's the homeowners. We‐‐.
No, we had too much to drink.
Uh‐‐.
What are you doing?
I need a corkscrew.
Uh, authorization, um‐‐.
Uh, should be our kid's birth date. 9407?
Oh, thank God.
Oh‐Oh, yeah.
We will. Okay.
Least we know they can protect us
from us, right?
Uh‐huh. Yeah.
Hey, um, I‐‐
I'm... I'm good for tonight.
Come on!
It's a special occasion.
Shiraz, from the partners.
No, I know, but those shots did me in.
And, well, I‐‐.
And with your medication,
we should, you know, quit
while we're ahead, yeah?
Or you could not be such a buzzkill
and we could toast
to staying fun in Year 16.
Fine. One glass.
Yay!
And water!
Mmm.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Wow. Dinner's at 7:00.
You're not even dressed.
What are you doing here?
Come on. Costume change.
Did you not get my message?
Which?
Oh!
You mean your 28 second breakup voicemail?
"Hi, it's me,
"I think you're the love of my life,
but also we're over."
Okay. I guess you got it.
Sure did.
But then I realized
that if you can unilaterally decide
we're breaking up,
after six objectively perfect months,
then I can unilaterally decide
that we're not!
And since we're not,
I don't wanna lose the table.
So, put on some real pants.
Wait, no, I was serious.
I have reasons.
Okay.
Let's hear 'em, then.
Make your case, counselor,
and I'll make mine.
Due process.
So, last weekend,
you asked me to go hiking
and I said I couldn't
because I had to go
to my cousin Eli's wedding in Springfield.
I wasn't at his wedding.
I was running around my building, naked.
Kind of half‐screaming, half‐singing,
until my neighbor called the cops.
I had a, um,
manic episode.
I have bipolar, type 1. Type "fun."
Except, you know. Not.
This is some of the stuff
I, um, take for it.
They all, like, kinda work
when they feel like it.
And therapy helps, obviously.
And routine, exercise, sleep.
All of these plants, I had
a social worker once
who told me
to "surround myself with life."
So I bought a fern.
And it helped a little.
I know myself, okay.
And I am more in it
with you every second.
So I have to walk away now.
Your turn.
I love you.
No, Shawn, no, that's not an argument‐‐
Yes, it is.
No.
It's the only argument, Kate.
I know you say that right now,
but this thing that's inside of me,
it's mean.
And sooner or later,
it will wear you down, Shawn.
And one day, you'll think, "You know what?
This is too much."
And you'll be right. So‐‐.
- Shawn?
- Yeah. Uh, just
pull the merger agreement for me,
have it on my desk when I come in.
Do you want digital or hard copy?
Hard copy, yeah.
Okay, so I'll‐‐.
Get off the phone.
Yeah, talk to you in the morning.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
Didn't we do this part already?
We couldn't be loud at the bar.
Okay.
Wait.
Shawn! It's two a. m.
It's not work.
I asked you to set some boundaries.
It's Heather.
Oh.
"Up late studying.
Happy anniversary!
"Don't party too hard."
Aww!
Awwww!
"Studying."
Yeah, right.
"Thanks, hon. We love you."
"Yeah. Go to bed."
"Go to bed."
Mm‐hmm. Bed.
Man,
I hope she's all right.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't know.
She's so little, you know.
At boarding school.
I hope it's fun.
More Harry Potter,
less... Dead Poets Society.
What? What did I say?
Why is she there, Shawn?
Whose fault is it... Shawn?
Why don't you remind us,
Okay, no.
...one more time?
That's not what I meant.
I'm not a fucking newborn.
You can't gaslight me.
"Gaslight" you?
I swear to god, that's not what I‐‐
So say it then!
Say it.
I swear, that's not what I was trying‐‐
So say it. Say it, then.
Why is Heather at boarding school?
Jesus, Kate, can we just take a breath?
No, no, no, no, no. You don't get
to just, like, allude to shit
and then tap‐dance away from it‐‐
Tap dance!
Christ, I wasn't alluding to anything.
Cut the shit, Shawn!
Why is our kid gone?
Just fucking say it!
Just fucking say it!
All right!
She's there because you tried
to kill yourself
three times this year alone.
And the third time,
our 12‐year‐old found you
passed out in your own vomit.
So yeah, I thought she could use
a change of scenery.
Does that feel better?
No.
Fuck.
Because the thing I don't get
is how I'm ever supposed to heal
with you thinking that shit
all the time.
I can't even have a fucking drink
without you breathing down‐‐
You're on Effexor,
you could have a seizure.
I can't even go to fuckin' work!
We agreed that you should take
some time off!
Why can't you just admit
it doesn't matter what I do?
It's all you see!
If I'm pissed off? Pfft!
"She's crazy."
If I want sex? "Oh, she's crazy."
If I book Italy tickets‐‐
Okay, that was a big purchase.
Amazing, but...
impulsive.
And I‐I ca‐I can't just take
six weeks off of work, Kate,
we need to talk about it!
Baby. Hey.
No.
Please‐Hey, can't we just‐‐
No!
No. No!
Don't shut down.
Just talk about this.
No, you don't understand!
I can't.
I can't. I can't.
I can just feel the claws in my brain‐‐
No, not tonight. No, tonight was fun!
Kate! Hey!
Do you remember the... the List?
Kate.
No, hey, listen. We don't have to‐‐.
We can still go back.
Kate.
Kate, listen.
I can't lose this night. I‐I am tired.
I can't do this forever!
Kate.
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
What else is going on for you?
Health, family? Girlfriend?
Kate.
Kate.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've been together for a year.
Hmm.
We just moved in together, actually.
Uh, she's...
Pff, everything.
Yeah, Kate's it.
Uh, but she, um,
struggles.
Uh, mental health‐wise.
Hmm.
And I thought I understood,
but now we have this
one bedroom apartment and‐‐
And?
When she's depressed,
all she can talk about is... dying.
I mean, it's not like,
here's my plan for the day, but‐‐
Ideation.
Yeah.
And it scares me.
Because she tried once in college
and then again in her twenties.
So twice, I guess? Not recently, but‐‐.
Sometimes I think, like,
"Well, fuck, Kate, if you really wanna die
so bad, just fucking do it,"
you know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No.
God, I sound like a fuckin' sociopath.
No. You're overwhelmed, Shawn.
What's wrong with me?
Jesus! Fuck!
What happened?
Why am I wet?
Uh, oh my god!
You're...
here. You‐‐.
You're here.
Well, yeah.
I live here, believe it or not.
In the suburbs.
Oh my god.
I thought I'd lost you.
I was so scared.
Kate‐‐
Aw, why, babe?
Don't be scared.
I love you.
I love you so much.
What?
What's wrong?
N‐Noth‐Nothing.
Nothing, baby.
Come here. Come here.
Everything's all right, okay.
Everything is gonna be just fine.
I promise.
Okay.
Okay.
Almond milk, one Splenda.
Thanks.
Mmm.
Ugh.
Oh.
Sorry, I'm just...
queasy or something.
No, it's all good.
What happened?
Last night?
Do you know?
What do you remember?
I don't know. I'm‐‐
I'm trying but it's all static.
Like I can't get...
the right channel or something.
Well... we went out.
To the arcade bar you're always pushing.
Goldie's?
Year 16.
That's right! Mm‐hmm.
Ate our weight in nachos.
Drank like we were 25, got in late,
and then... uh,
I guess you took a bath.
Must've fallen asleep in the tub.
Right.
Wait, do you‐‐
you do remember me, right?
Do I remember my wife? Please.
I wasn't that drunk.
Do you remember yours?
It's freezing in here. I can‐‐.
I can feel my bones.
That's an easy one.
Come on.
Here we go.
Found it!
Kate?
Kate.
What's wrong with the water?
What do you mean?
Uh, rusty pipes, maybe?
I'll call a plumber.
Here.
Get cozy.
You sure you're okay with me going in?
I‐I wouldn't if it weren't for Lakeside,
we're just so close to signing‐‐
I'm fine!
Go.
What are you gonna do?
Scrapbook! I told you, I have to finish.
It's my white whale.
You positive you'll be okay?
I don't know. I got
all these Sharpies and stickers,
who knows what could happen?
Go.
Weirdo.
Excuse me? Shawn?
I've got Lakeside on the line.
I know. I know.
Hey, Shawn, how's it going?
Hi.
Yeah. No, I‐‐.
Listen, I went back over the agreement,
and I hear your concerns‐‐.
...covenants.
Obligations between signing
and closing and after closing‐‐
Let's hand it off to Shawn.
Shawn. Shawn!
Right! Uh... yes!
Next slide please?
I'm home, babe.
Sorry I'm late. Hey.
Kate?
Hi.
There you are.
Wow, you're still at it?
How's‐How's it coming?
I can't figure out who this is.
That's your mom, Kate.
From‐From our wedding.
Remember?
Here.
There you go.
Kate?
- Good tub, huh?
- Good everything.
I love our house.
Even if it's in the suburbs?
I mean, somebody's got
to spice 'em up, right?
There's just one thing missing.
No. Kate, we've had this debate.
I could do it in my sleep.
It's not safe.
Okay, wait‐‐
We can still talk about adoption‐‐
No, wait, wait.
My turn.
I've been stable for a year.
No episodes. And not without triggers.
Did you see me bat an eye during escrow?
No.
I'll do it safely.
Scale back at work, bump up therapy,
taper off meds.
I want a baby, Shawn.
Look, I know it might be hard,
but you can't build a case
on what might happen.
Not might.
Will. It will be hard.
So it'll be hard.
We're us.
We can do hard things.
‐ Listen, Shawn, I took‐‐
‐ No.
Jordan, we went over that discrepancy.
She says she's done
a couple of pages.
Uh‐huh.
...seven,
doesn't come up again until...
I'm just worried the clients
are gonna see this as us not doing our...
Did you get my note on page 6?
Yeah, I saw what you wrote,
but there's something right here‐‐
...come in my office, we can talk about it.
Listen, it‐‐
Shawn?
Uh, Jordan, can I call you back?
Shawn‐‐
Hey, honey?
Everything okay in here?
I want to go outside.
You wanna‐‐.
Okay, well,
I don't know about that.
It's... pretty cold out.
It's better to stay in, right?
But I want to go.
Hey, why don't I stay in with you?
I'll call out of work.
Play hooky.
What the hell, right?
I guess.
Great.
Maybe let's get you a hat.
Montepulciano,
from the Abruzzo region.
Italian, babe.
Oh!
Little preview of our big trip?
And the final touch,
la musica!
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
There's no music!
No food,
wine, or coffee‐‐
Let's just talk.
We're good at that, right?
Uh‐‐
How about‐‐.
How about a debate?
Red sauce versus white!
Which side you want?
I want to go outside.
Okay, Kate, no,
we talked about this.
Why can't I go out?
Because it's cold as shit, okay,
and you need to stay with me.
So come on, let's go.
I'll take red.
Marinara.
Plainly superior to cream sauce.
I mean, you have your health benefits.
Vitamin C, fat‐free, heart‐healthy.
Plus it's delicious, so‐‐.
Team red sauce all the way for me.
Your turn!
I'll get it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Why don't we go upstairs.
Stay in Heather's room, okay.
Okay, give me a second.
There we go.
Just... for a minute.
Who's Heather?
Barb!
Shawn. Hi.
Is everything all right over here?
Of course!
Oh good!
Well, I was just taking Susan out
to use the ladies',
and I couldn't help but hear, um,
kind of a scream...
coming from your house, so‐‐
Uh‐‐.
Uh, a s‐a scream?
A woman's scream, yeah.
Is Kate doing all right?
Yeah.
Kate's just fine. She's...
doing well.
Ever since the bake sale‐‐.
That was quite a scene, you know‐‐.
Yeah, Barb, that‐that was a bad day.
Mm‐hmm.
Kate shouldn't have been out.
I've apologized repeatedly‐‐
No, no, no. Shh, shh, shh.
No, please, please. No need. No need.
I think about the kids, you know.
It's a family neighborhood.
Of course.
Okay.
It won't happen again.
All right! Oh, thank you‐‐.
All right.
That's great.
All right.
Give Kate my best‐‐
Oh, you were right,
we definitely have to murder Barb‐‐
Hey, babe.
What you doin' down here?
You wanna come out?
No.
I like it here.
It's dark.
Well, you can come back later.
Just... come on out
for a little bit, maybe?
No.
Go away.
Leave me alone.
Leave you alone?
Oh, leave you alone. Really?
You know, I wish I could, Kate,
but I can't.
Look what happens when I leave you alone!
You don't get to hide, okay.
You have responsibilities and a family.
So get the fuck out from under the bed!
No!
Kate, come on!
No! No!
No! No!
No!
Sorry.
I didn't mean to be...
so mean.
I want to go outside.
Uh‐‐.
Tell me.
Am I your prisoner?
Jesus, Kate.
I want to go.
You always wanted to go!
Since day one.
That's the story of our life.
You want to go, I beg you to stay.
"Please don't break up with me,
"please don't shut down,
please don't die."
I'll do anything.
Figure out what you took,
suicide‐proof the house,
explain to our traumatized kid.
I'll do anything
if you'll just please just stay.
And you try. And you go away again.
And it's... it's selfish.
I know I'm not supposed to say it,
but it is.
I want to go outside.
No, please.
I remember you.
I know you do, Kate.
You're the woman who left me
in the bathtub.
No.
You were dead.
You were dead in the tub, already.
You were.
I wasn't.
You left me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Kate, I‐‐.
I was so tired.
You always try again, you‐‐.
I couldn't convince you!
I couldn't keep you here, I‐‐
I thought‐‐.
I'm sorry, Kate.
I'm sorry.
So, so sorry.
I will never, ever, ever leave you again.
Do you hear me?
I promise!
Kate?
Kate?
Kate?
Fuck!
Kate!
Sweetie.
No!
Come on!
No!
We're going home.
You know what?
Fine.
We'll do this your way.
Gotcha.
Hey, babe!
I'm back!
Brought you a new friend.
I don't know. Looks like
they're onto me at work.
Rob especially.
What am I gonna tell 'em
I have next, scarlet fever?
I sound like a kid in a Dickens book.
Maybe I should quit.
Let's debate it.
Shawn v. Shindle & Dawes LLP.
I say I should quit.
I could spend more time with you,
stop lying all the time,
quit being a white‐shoe sellout.
Boom.
Your turn.
All right.
Guess I win.
'Night, babe.
Love you.
Kate?
Hey there.
How we doin'?
I've been debating myself all day.
Should I live,
or should I die.
Do you wanna hear the sides?
Of course.
If I die,
there will be no more fighting.
No more claws in my brain.
No more embarrassment,
no more psych wards, no more cops.
No more war.
For either of us.
But if I live‐‐
Then we get the baby.
Yeah.
I was thinking about Heather.
As a name.
What do you think?
Heather.
"Heather, go clean your room."
I like it.
It's good.
I like it, too.
Mom?
Ma?
Either mom? Any mom?
Just a kid lookin' for a mom here.
Ma?
Hmm.
Kate.
Kate.
Heather's here.
Mom?
Oh, I'll be back, okay.
Heather?
Mom! Hey, surprise.
Yes, it is. Wh‐‐.
We didn't expect you till Christmas!
I've decided I would rather stay here
for the three days
than Bethany's dumb "ski chalet."
Well, so what, did you hitchhike home?
Oh please. That's so '70s.
I caught a ride with Ali's mom and‐‐.
Whoa.
Mom, you reek, no offense, but...
were you in the basement?
Ew.
Come here.
You hungry?
Yeah.
I guess, it's pretty good.
I like my classes this semester.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
And it's actually going great. Like,
I'm not anxious about midterms anymore.
And I picked a project
for the science fair.
"The Effects of Acid Rain
on House Plants."
Whoa!
Very nice.
Oh, and also, okay, um,
I have to tell you something.
But just don't... freak out
or be embarrassing. Okay?
I'll do my best.
I joined the debate team.
See, that! Oh my god.
No, no, no.
You are so gonna be a stage mom.
No, no. I'll‐I'll contain myself.
Go.
Ah, tell me everything!
Well, we had our first debate.
Mm‐hmm.
I crushed it, obviously‐‐
Obviously.
Only been training since the womb.
Question is, can you beat your old mom?
School uniforms versus free dress.
I take uniforms.
I'll take freedom.
Sucker‐‐
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'll go first, okay.
School uniforms are fundamentally good
for students and school communities.
They eliminate distractions,
reduce the perception of inequality,
and even help students get more sleep,
since we don't have to wake up
early in the morning
and decide what we're going to wear.
Also, they're affordable, neat,
and actually pretty comfortable, so‐‐.
Your turn.
Mom? You gonna go or what?
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay.
So‐‐