Monroe (2011–2012): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript

I want to buy the house off you.

Your phone was in the cardigan
you tucked round me.

Hi?

If you leave this house, it doesn't
mean you're leaving Charlotte.

What I would like is for us to find

a suitable venue
for sexual intercourse.

Did you know that that
snack-trolley girl is a biochemist?

Tatiana? Yeah, everyone knows that.

(ALARM CLOCK BEEPS)

(BEEPING STOPS)

Well, thank you for asking (!)



Thank you...for asking!

Just come and help yourself.

Is everything OK?
No. Everything is not OK.

First she turns my son against me,
and now she just keeps coming

and taking great big bites out of
my life. What gives her that right?

I don't understand.
Have you been robbed?

You know what sticks in my craw?

I remember buying that camera as
a Christmas present for the family.

She thought it was too expensive.
Digital SLR. Argument.

Well, it turns out
it was a really good purchase

because it means I can go back,
print duplicates

and replace every one of our memories
frame by frame!

You can't keep coming
to the house and helping yourself.

It's my home. Call me
when you get out of the pawnbrokers.



You were upstairs
with another woman.

Count yourself lucky
it was only your pictures she took!

Serves her right
for dropping in unannounced.

She can't have expected you to have
had another woman on the go so soon.

Women don't tend to go in for that.
Not women you know, perhaps.

If you're paying out on Shepherd's
sex life, it's worth awaiting
the result of the steward's enquiry.

What's the charge?
Excessive use of the whip.

So who is she?
The radiologist with the lazy eye?

You won't find out or meet her.
You're ashamed of her?

You wouldn't like it if I asked you
for chapter and verse on Tatiana.

What do you want to know?
You don't mean that.

I'm secure about
my sexual relationship with Tatiana,

whereas you're not,
hence your reticence.

Where did you take her?
Rosario's.

Is that a colloquialism?
No. It's a restaurant.

Would I like her?

I don't know.

Ms Fortune. Registrar.
Welcome to The X Factor.

What are you going to sing for us
today?

Brendan Cormack. Aged 45.

No underlying health problems,

but a history of simple partial fits
over the last three or four years.

Controlled by anticonvulsants.

Three months ago, he had
a secondary generalised fit at work,

losing consciousness.

Despite increased medication,
the fits have become more severe
and more frequent since then.

I saw him at clinic two weeks ago,
scanned him and booked him in
for an elective tomorrow afternoon.

He's very nervous.
Well, why wouldn't he be?

No. I mean something's changed in
his attitude since I first saw him.

He seems less certain about the op.

Brendan. Hello. I'm Monroe.
I'm the senior neurosurgeon.

Hiya.

This is Sarah my wife.
Hi, there.

This is Phoebe.
Phoebe.

And that's Jack.
Hi, Jack.

I hear your seizures
have been getting worse

since you first came to see us.

Different. Not worse.

This is going to sound daft,

but I'm not scared any more.

No, it doesn't sound daft at all.
In fact, it's not that unusual.

Don't you want to know why
he's not scared? Phoebe, just...

Certain forms of epilepsy are
accompanied by feelings of euphoria.

See, Brendan, I told you.

Euphoria doesn't quite cover it,
mate.

I'm going to check your scans
and then I'll talk to you again.

Then you'll have more of a bullshit
excuse to operate on him, you mean.

Well, that too. (CHUCKLES)

Mr Spader woke up with chest pains,
coughing.

Came in through A&E this morning.

And the sisters of mercy,
where do they fit in?

Those are his friends.

Can you take them somewhere?
Anywhere? Mm-hm.

Mullery?

Tall, male, young smoker. I thought
likely spontaneous pneumothorax.

Further investigation?
PA chest radiograph confirmed it.

I ordered a CT Scan. It's...
All right, all right.

Is he going to die? I'm sure
he'll be fine. Ms Bremner's here.

Alex, my name is Ms Bremner. I'm a
surgeon. You have a collapsed lung.

We're going to insert a chest drain
to get your lungs back up
and help your breathing.

You're an angel. I'm a surgeon
with no time for melodrama.

Mullery, go and get
the chest drain kit.

The patient is talking about
feelings of euphoria
since the fits got more severe.

Do either of you
have an explanation for that?

Limbic epilepsy can cause powerful
hallucinations and feelings.

It can indeed. But why?

The temporal lobe
is part of the limbic system.

I think I knew that already.

Which is all about
feelings and emotions.

Lewis Carroll and Edgar Allan Poe
may have had temporal lobe epilepsy.

That would explain
their wild flights of imagination.

Then again,
they did drink morphine by the pint.

There.

That's our abnormality.

It didn't show
when he was scanned 12 months ago.

Which means that it's growing
causing the fits to change.

It looks resectable.
Do you think it's malignant?

Do you think it's malignant?
I can't tell just by looking at it.

Something has changed his fits.
We need to take it out.

I'm not saying
he hasn't got a tumour.

But if we don't know it's malignant,
if we can't guarantee
you can take it all out,

the patient is facing a dangerous
operation for an uncertain benefit.

The patient always is.

What he doesn't need
is for you to have a wobble as well.

Good.
Now ease the Dunhill in and dissect.

That's right. Open the pleura,

and you should be in the chest.

Where are the girls?

Now do you feel ready to ease
a finger into the pleural space

and do a finger sweep
to make sure there are no adhesions?

Why am I doing this, again?

Because a trainee kills a patient
every year by pushing too hard.

I heard that. Remember it
next time you light a cigarette.

Good, that's right,
all the way round.

OK? Now gently insert the drain...

(GROANS)

..secure it
and put in a purse string.

Good. Good hands.

What did I miss?
Ah, Dr Witney.

You can help secure the drain
if you like.

Dr Mullery, you're showing
unlikely signs of improvement.

Do you think she's being sarcastic?

No. She's been in this good mood
all week.

Your tumour has probably grown.

If it has, that would explain the
change in the severity of your fits.

But you can take it away?

I can take it away.

And if you do take it away,
then the fits will stop?

That would be the idea.
Well, that's good. Isn't it?

There are risks.
We might not get all the tumour out.

We may damage areas of the brain
around the tumour.

And these feelings I get.

This...happiness I feel.

If the fits stop,
then that goes too?

I think you know that
they are part of the condition.

'Condition.' Right.

But if you operate, he'll be fine?

I'd hope so.

But you can't promise that.

I can't promise it, no.

What if I tell you
that God is talking to me?

It's a side effect of the tumour.

Your thoughts and your life -

you know what's real and what isn't,
do you?

Pretty much, yeah.

I might not always like it,
but I can nail reality.

Six weeks ago before these new fits,
I would have agreed with you.

But now...

..I don't know.
If God IS talking to you,

why is he going to stop just
because you've had a tumour removed?

Perhaps he's testing me.

All the evidence suggests that you
have a tumour growing in your brain,

which will eventually kill you.

Like I say, perhaps he's testing me.

Brendan, we've been through this.
We've talked about this.

She thinks I'm a nutter
and I don't blame her.

I DON'T think he's a nutter.

I just want the old Brendan back.

Look. Whatever I do,
I know it's going to be all right.

I know it's going to be all right.

A very strong coffee, a very big
pastry and a very wide smile.

There's a clown
on the children's ward.

I think you will find that she has
a very wide smile for everyone.

Um...

are we OK?

I don't think there is a WE.

Oh. Right. Still, at least we had one
night's great sex to remember us by.

Do you really think so?

Lift!

So...Rosario's.

Pardon?

I hear you went
to Rosario's last night.

Do they still have that pizza chef
that sings Italian opera?

I always found him a bit irritating.
How did you find him?

Then again, if you're on a date
with Shepherd, you need
all the distractions you can get.

Sometimes things go wrong
in people's brains.

If this thing grows,
it will affect your dad's brain,
and he won't get better.

According to who?
According to medical science.

Your medical science.

What if there's something bigger
than medical science?

What if there are things
you don't know?

There are lots of things
I don't know, things I can't explain.

But your dad,
I CAN explain his feelings.

You? I know you don't want him
to have this operation.

I understand that you don't want him
to have to go through this.

He's having visions!
God is talking to him.

That's what you don't like. He's
been given a gift and it scares you

because you can't explain it,
so you have to cut it out! Phoebe!

Jack, what do you think?

I know what you're doing.

Dad's not well, is he?
No, he's not.

I know what you're doing,
and it's so lame.

Jack doesn't know.

I know. Dad knows.

He's special.
All dads are special.

Your dad will still be special.

I'm sorry. She's very upset.

I don't know where all this
Mystic Meg stuff came from.

She wouldn't even go to church
parade when she was in the Brownies.

But since her dad's been ill...

Well, girls are always close
to their dads, aren't they?

Yes.

They are.

They always are.

If you were describing
this sandwich,

would you call it a Tuna Joy?

(CHUCKLES)
I know the word joy is overused,

but surely there is nothing joyful
whatsoever about that.

Depressed Tuna
would at least be more accurate.

Lawrence, I think it's better
if we don't see each other again.

There you are,
Tuna Joy working its magic already.

No, I'm serious.

No, you're not.

Are you?
I enjoyed our dates

and the sex was promising,
so I don't do this lightly.

I thought I could trust you,

but your lack of discretion
has, I'm afraid, disappointed me.

My lack of discretion?

What's that supposed to mean?

Ask your best friend.

(GIGGLING IN CUBICLE)

Alex, I've had a look at your scans,

and they've revealed a problem
on the outside of your lungs.

It's just one of my many problems!
(GIGGLES)

Indeed. The lungs are surrounded
by a membrane called the pleura.

Sometimes the lung underneath
develops sacks of air called blebs.

Hear that, girls?

I've got blebs.
(BOTH GIGGLE)

Yes, they are the cause
of your collapsed lung.

So we'll operate
and get rid of them.

It's a 40-minute operation
under general anaesthetic.

We'll do it tomorrow.

Will you do it in person, doc?
I'll supervise the operation, yes.

Anything else you need to ask me?

Will Dr Witney be there too?

(GIGGLES) Isn't he terrible?

He's a riot.

This is James Cooper. Aged 18. Had
surgery on a septal defect aged two

and now has a leaking mitral valve.
Hello, James.

My name's Jenny Bremner.
I'm your surgeon.

Do you understand what's going to
happen in a couple of days?

You're going to fix me.
Yes, I am indeed.

I'll be able to play five a side
again.

Well, not straight away.

But eventually, yes, you will.

Have you got any more questions
for me?

Do you know how to get bonuses
on Kill Zone Liberation?

No. I don't.

But you see that young man
over there. His name is Mullery.

He'll be able to tell you everything
you need to know, all right?

Any family?
No. He was brought up in care.

Friend? Wife? Girlfriend?
Not that I know of.

Well, did you ask him?
No.

Well, go and ask him. Don't just
jump to conclusions based on
what you think you know about him.

Did you really mean it about the sex?

One-night stands
never really do it for me.

I see. For a minute there I thought
you were saying it was my fault.

Since you don't go in
for one-night stands, perhaps
you should see me one more time,

so you can at least
feel a bit better about yourself.

I'm Larry. I'll be giving you
an anaesthetic tomorrow afternoon.

I'll be there throughout the
operation making sure everything's
fine whilst Mr Monroe operates.

'Mr Monroe?' That's a turn-up.

I need to double-check the drugs
you're taking for your epilepsy.

I've written them down. Good.
There you go. Thank you.

Your friend's
very certain about things.

He's very, you know,
good with words, isn't he?

Yes. He is that, all right.

Thank you, Mr Cormack.

If you need anything else,
get a nurse to find me, OK?

Thanks very much.
'Mr. Monroe?'

What's all that about?

What did you tell Bremner
about me and her?

Nothing.
Just that I'd guessed about you two.

Thanks a lot.

She's ended it.

Look, I'm really sorry.

You know what? I don't blame her.
For finishing with you?

You have real self-esteem issues.

She was nervous. That's all.

And you gave her every reason to be.

If that's why she ended it, she was
clearly looking for an excuse.

In which case it's better
it happened sooner rather than later.

Can we go back to making jokes about
her being a lesbian? Oh, just...

Or do you need some healing time?

(GIGGLING)

That should be me
with a woman on each arm, eh?

Is everyone here obsessed with
other people's sex lives?

Why can't you all just get a life?

Can I just say, Ms Bremner...

I wanted you to know that my brother
has Down's Syndrome.

That's interesting,
but I can't see how it's relevant.

I didn't want you thinking
that I assumed James wouldn't have

a network of friends and
a girlfriend because he has Down's.

I see. So it wasn't prejudice
that was stopping you from
taking a decent patient history,

it was incompetence?
No.

It's just...you were in a good mood
with me earlier in the week,

and then I thought I must have done
something to upset you.

Oh.

What if Phoebe's right?

What if she's right about God?

About him testing me?

She's not right.

So you don't believe in miracles?

Your brain is a miracle.

This soup of chemicals that gives you
thoughts, emotions, consciousness.

Now, I've looked at a fair few brains
in my time,

and I think I'd have noticed
if God was hiding in there.

Do I look like the sort of fella
who'd stand on a street corner
banging a tambourine?

No. I'll give you that.

I've never felt closer
to my own soul.

I've never felt more content,

more compassionate

or happier with my life.

And you know why?
Because you are close to death.

You are confusing that
with being close to God.

I have had patients who think
their loved ones are alien imposters.

I've had patients
who think all smells are colours.

I have had patients
who think they're already dead.

Your brain misfiring is not the same
as God talking to you.

You're not in my head.

I will be
if you give me half a chance.

What about your wife and children?

I worried about them all the time.

But I realise that isn't
the same thing as loving them.

And this thing,
this condition, as you call it...

..it's made me see that I love them.

It's made my love for them purer.

And less meaningful.

Because your love doesn't really
count if you are dead in six months.

You can't scare me into doing this.

It's between you and God now.

You don't believe in God.
You do, Brendan.

Do you know what Capgras syndrome is,
Fortune?

No.

It's a brain disorder that means
when you look at your loved one,

you're convinced they've been
replaced by an alien.

Otherwise known as marriage.

Brendan's wife feels like that.
There he is, looks like her husband.

A normal man, falling under the grip
of his own delusions.

Very unusual (!)

I had a vision once.

I saw the Virgin Mary at York Races.

Yep. I want you to do the approach
on Brendan's tumour, by the way.

Oh. Right.

So if it turns out he IS talking
to God, you share some of the blame.

It's not good practice to blaspheme
before you operate.

You think I'm going to be punished?

You never know when
you might need God on your side.

Bremner.

Yes. What is it?

I think you over-reacted. I know
that you're nervous about all this.

God knows, me too.
It's been a while.

You know? We've both been...

Does this conversation pertain
to surgery or medicine in any way?

No.
I thought not.

Has Nick been in touch?
He texts every day.

Chatty stuff. No hard information.

Lucky you.
He'll come round.

Come round emotionally
or come round and take pictures off
the wall like his mother?

I was being considerate.

I was trying not to wake you.
I thought you were on nights.

And then I saw a woman's coat
on the back of the kitchen chair.

I just felt...
You were jealous?

No, I was hurt.

It hurt me that
you'd met someone so soon.

It hurt me that you left me. Maybe
someone's got warped priorities here.

One minute you tell me
not to sell the family home because
it was a shrine to our daughter

and the next you're happily
shagging strangers there.

So don't talk to me
about warped priorities. All right?

And I'll call if I need to get
anything in future.

There's nothing left. You've already
taken the kettle and the pictures.

(BITTER LAUGH)

See you.

See you.

The big advantage
of a temporal lobectomy

is that your hair will grow back
over the scar.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

Is there anything
either of you want to ask me?

Not really.

Can I ask you something?
Mm-hm.

How did you know I was going to
agree to this operation?

I didn't.

I'd give up anything for my family.

I know.

I know what you're doing is wrong.
And one day my family will know too.

I'm sorry you're upset, Phoebe.

What's so good about your life that
you want to make him just like you?

What's so good about you?

No soreness around the wound?
No. Good.

You did an excellent job.
Just like I knew you always would.

I wasn't aware
you had any surgical training.

(LAUGHS)
All right, Doctor Cool Breeze.

Look, for the record,

it ain't serious
with either Tasha or Jennifer.

You know, in case you were wondering.

I'm sorry to disabuse you
of your fantasy,

but my fascination with you does not
extend beyond your lungs and pleura.

So you don't disapprove?
I don't care enough to disapprove.

In that case, when I get out of here,
if you'd like to meet for a drink.

No commitment either way, obviously.

Is everything OK with the wound?
Yes.

Unfortunately,
he's making a full recovery.

He just asked me on a date.

You too, hey?

Just when I thought
I couldn't feel any cheaper.

James. How are you feeling today?

Worried.

Well, why don't you let me do the
worrying and you do the resting?

Mullery isn't going to operate on me,
is he?

Not if you don't want him to. Why?

He's useless. He doesn't know
anything after version 2.

Well, in that case,
I won't let him anywhere near you.

Have you given it a name yet?
Roger.

Roger?

It makes sense to me.

(TEARFULLY)
You don't have to do this, Dad.

You don't.

Phoebe.
You don't! (SOBS)

Now, Dr Wilson,
appropriately enough for a trainee,

you are looking at
a huge question mark.

How would you go about opening?

Incise the scalp, put Raney clips
on the edges and turn the flap back.

Well, in that case, off you go.

Some time before midnight, please,
Dr Wilson.

Efficient and smooth, like you
imagine Shepherd's lovemaking to be,

but without the strained expression.

BP good, pulse good, blood
cross matched, fluid balance fine.

Is that OK? Or do you want me
to set it to music?

Knife, please, Nurse.

Are you watching, Springer?
Those are called manners.

Try and spare the middle
cerebral artery, if you can.

He might need it some day.

Patty, please.

Don't get wedded to any one position.

If you need to move the scope,
just move it.

Bipolar, please.

BP OK, Larry? No problems?

I'd tell you if anything was wrong.

That's good.

Did you need something?

Can you call me
as soon as he comes round?

I always do.

I might wait.

You never wait.
I know, but...

But what? Are you really going to
make it this hard for me?

You never wait.
Well...

This one is weighing heavier on me
than most, all right?

I'll call you the moment he stirs.
And if he has a fit.

If he has a fit, I'll call.
OK.

Monroe.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

He's out of surgery.

It went well.

We removed the tumour
and he's just come round.

Thank you.

(SOBS)

Is it bad?

It's good news, Jack. It's good.

Everything seems fine. I'll check
him again in a few hours.

Here, do fancy an extra poker night
tonight to celebrate
your newly single status?

Do you know something?

I have racked my brains

as to why you would tell Bremner
that you knew about us.

I can only think of one reason.
You don't want me to be happy.

You know, when I realised that,

I look at all your patter
and all your bullshit,

and I can see
what a bitter and twisted
emotional cripple you really are.

It's taken you eight years
to work that out?

Jesus!

Thank you.

Hello, Brendan.

How are you feeling?

A bit sleepy, you know.

Do you know where you are?

I'm in hospital.

You operated on my brain.
Indeed I did.

Now...

I want you get some rest...

..and I'll come and see you tomorrow.

Do you want to know how I'm doing?

I know how you're doing.

You're doing good. Squeeze.

Do you want to know
if God's still in there?

In my head?

No.

I don't think I do.

See you tomorrow.

Of course, he's not out of the woods

until the lab confirms
the tumour isn't cancerous. Shut up.

If the seizures recur, do
we assume the tumour's returned?

I said: shut up.

Well, neurosurgeons
can only be certain

whether or not an operation
was successful when...

when something goes wrong.
You said that to me on my first day.

I also said I'd been trying
to keep people like you out of
my operating theatre my whole career.

But I might be wrong there too.

I think today, just for once,
let's enjoy a result.

Ah, Bremner. I want to talk to you.

(HUMS)

I know why you ended
your relationship with Shepherd.

I'm sure you do
since he tells you everything.

It's because
you were attracted to me.

But you can't have me.
It would never work.

We're like fire and ice, chalk
and cheese, Lampard and Gerrard.

Both brilliant,
but tragically incompatible.

What is it you want to say?

Shepherd didn't say anything to me
about you and him.

I found out because your mobile
rang that morning when it was
inside your cardigan pocket.

Shepherd could have been calling me
for professional reasons.

But he never does, though, does he?

So why did you choose
not to tell me that?

I'm telling you now.

Shepherd is the wounded party
in all of this.

So you might want to rekindle the
fires of your fledging love affair.

Whether Shepherd was indiscreet
or not is irrelevant.

The very fact of our relationship
being public knowledge
makes it impossible to continue.

Bremner!

You don't play poker, by any chance?

I've been learning on line...

if that's any good.
Springer, I'll bear that in mind,

but with any luck
poker night might be cancelled.

Circle, triangle, triangle, up.

Circle, right one, left one.

That gives you 140 points. You can
carry three smoke grenades with that.

Smoke grenades. Get in!

You go up, square, square,
right one, left one.

That gives you maximum sex appeal.

And the beautiful surgeon
is thinking:

not bad going for a dickhead.

I'll come back later, James.
Talk to you when you aren't so busy.

There's a cheat on this
for maximum lung capacity, doc.

I already know them all.

You play your cards right, James.
I think that surgeon's
got the hots for you.

I know. But she's not my type.

(LAUGHS)

Bremner is right. The gossip
will damage her reputation.

Really? You think so?

Do you think we should keep THIS
secret?

No. I wheel a trolley around
the hospital. I am beneath contempt.

It was actually MY reputation
I was worrying about. (SCOFFS)

You're a man.
Nobody is waiting for you to fail.

Oh, Anna! Be right there!

Two minutes.
Just need to give my wife some keys.

Hi.

In the new spirit of maturity.

Is your lady friend
in your new spirit of maturity too?

That's Tatiana. You remember?

It's probably not that serious.

Does she know that?

Anyway, anything else you need,
just give me a call.

Unless I get a new boyfriend.
What?

Then I'll get him to ride his bike
past the front of the house,

so you can get a really good look
at him.

Huh?
Thanks for the keys.

Hi, Ali.
There you go, Mr Monroe.

Lamb bhuna, prawn korma, tarka dal,
chana dal, pilau rice,

raita and chapatis.

Sounds about right.
And for the lady?

Oh, the old ones are the best,
eh, Ali? Keep the change.

Hey, you are gonna enjoy this,
I promise.

You and the deliveryman
seem to know each other well.

Sometimes curry
was the only friend I had.

Did you order extra for your wife?
What?

This seems to be the pattern,
doesn't it?

Me, you and your wife.
She came to get some keys.

Better than her coming to the house.
But why with me there?

It was the end of the day.
It just seemed to make sense.

You can't see it, can you?
See what?

That you use me to hurt your wife.

I don't want to be
piglet in the middle. OK?

It's piggy.

What?

It's piggy in the middle.

Right.

Larry! Peace offering.

Oh, right.

Me, you, Bradley, new deck of cards,
indigestion.

Sound tempting?

I'm busy, actually.

Don't say anything and don't even
turn round and look at her. OK?

So you back on with Cruella de Vil?

You keep trying to come between us,
it just pushes us closer together.

Why are you suddenly
talking like an adolescent girl?

Is the curry still on offer?
Yes, of course.

Apart from the poppadoms.

Do you want the salad as well?
Nobody wants the salad.

Go easy on the chana dal. You'll be
farting like an old Labrador
all night. Tends to ruin the mood.

Thanks.

And, Shepherd...
Mm...

I'm glad for you.

And?
I just am.

Right.

Thanks.

And if you run out of ideas
in the sack...

..try and think what I would do.

Thanks, yeah.
That's really helping already.

And the flop! Pair of threes.

This is what I'm thinking. Monroe
is too low on chips to be a threat.

We don't want to know
what you're thinking.

I'm folding.

And I'm thinking
Bradley's holding a big pair.

Not the only one, eh? (LAUGHS)

He put a big bet down
before the flop

and he's still smiling when there's
two threes and a four at the table.

So...
What?

I'm calling.
Really?

You make a speech that long
and you're not even raising?

I'm all in!

Next card.

Brendan!

Please, somebody!
(GRUNTS)

Brendan! Brendan!

Please, help him.

(MONITOR ALARM SOUNDS)

It's my fault she had a haemorrhage.

I won't be lectured by a glorified
plumber! I was part of it, remember?

40 seconds.
It's got to come off now. I know.

As long as you feel better -
that's the main thing!

No orgasm on earth ever caused
an aneurysm all by itself.

You've no idea
how hard it is to be your son.

20 quid isn't adequate compensation?

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