Monk (2002–2009): Season 4, Episode 2 - Mr. Monk Goes Home Again - full transcript

[Man] No, we didn't
forget about you.

Yeah, it's all here.
I'm looking at it now.

Two cans tomato paste,
one 16-ounce box farfalle pasta,

one box of Glad ForceFlex
trash bags,

one, two, three, four
candy bars...

and a bunch of bananas.

Yeah, he'll be there
in 10 minutes.

You know the address, right?

You going out tonight?
Trick-or-treating? I think I'm a little old.

[Chuckles]
Hell, I went trick-or-treating all through high school.

Uh, that'll be 5.51.
Here you are.



[Cash Register Beeping]

Here you go. Thanks.
Thank you.

- You have a good night.
- You, too.

Hi.

Hello. Hello.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Um, do you have a light?

[Gunshot]
[Screaming]

[Man]
Get back.! Get back.!

- Stay there.!
- [Gunshots]

## [Up-tempo Folk]

# It's a jungle out there #

# Disorder and confusion
everywhere #

# No one seems to care #

# Well, I do
Hey, who's in charge here #



# It's a jungle out there #

# Poison in the very air
we breathe #

# Do you know what's in the water
that you drink, well, I do #

# And it's amazing #

# People think I'm crazy
'cause I worry all the time #

# If you paid attention
you'd be worried too #

# You better pay attention
or this world we love so much #

# Mightjust kill you #

# I could be wrong now #

# But I don't think so #

# 'Cause it's a jungle out there #

# It's a jungle out there ##

[Stottlemeyer]
Get some good shots of the gun?

Good.
Um, shoot this crowd, too.

You never know.
Halloween. Am I right?

Something nasty always
goes down on Halloween. Really?

What went down
last Halloween?

Nothing.

The one before that?
It's a new tradition.

Halloween.

Oh! I know this store used
to be called "McCabe's."

I grew up four blocks away.
After school,

all the kids would hang out
right here in the parking lot...

drinking sodas
and listening to music.

That sounds like fun.
Oh, yeah. It was a lot of fun.

I used to stand over there
across the street.

L-I had a perfect view.

Good times.
Good times.

Hey, Monk.
Thanks for coming.

Uh, it's kind of ugly.

The driver stopped around
1:15 for lunch. He's on his way back to the truck...

when the shooter came up,
grabbed his gun, shoots him four, maybe five times, point-blank range,

but he keeps shooting him even
after the guy went down.

Oh, my God.
Was he married? I don't know.

Any kids?
I don't know, Natalie. I just got here myself.

With his own gun?

There must have been witnesses.
Yeah, a few people from the store.

Caucasian. Dark hair.
Maybe a blue sweater or a jacket.

We're gonna question them again.
How much did he get?

The truck is empty.
That's all I know.

[Cooing]

Hey, get out of there. Go.
Ho, ho, ho. Get!

I hate pigeons-
like rats with wings.

There's no defensive wounds.
Was there a struggle?

How did-
How did this guy get the gun?

That's a good question.
The M.E.'s gonna be here in a minute.

We can ask him.
What's this?

Uh, this hasn't been here long.

It's clean.

That's a clove cigarette.

They make 'em in Indonesia.
People use them to try to quit smoking. They don't work.

Driver's?
The driver has his own.

[Cell Phone Ringing]
I'm thinking it's the shooter's.

[Stottlemeyer]
Well, run that down.

Hello?
Every store that sells those.

No, Sharona's not here anymore.

Uh, about a year ago.

Well, l-l-I don't know
what happened. She moved to New Jersey.

Sir, I don't know what happened.
You'd have to ask her.

Who is this?

Mr. Monk,
it's your brother.

Ambrose. I can't.

L-l-Tell him I'll call him back.
Tell him I'm busy.

- Your father called.
- My father?

He's coming home.

[Giggling]

See? You can
trick-or-treat here. I'll go with you.

Oh, fun. Trick-or-treating
with your mom.

She's at that impossible age,
between 11 and 25.

What? You okay?

[Sighs]
What do I say to him after all these years?

You say, "Hello, Dad.
I missed you."

No. No, I can't say that.

Why did he leave
just like that?

It was my fault.

I drove him crazy.
He said that?

No.
Then how do you know?

L-l-I know.
L-I just know.

Mr. Monk,
you can't blame yourself.

You wanna bet?

Julie, okay?
Be nice, okay?

Remember what we talked about?
Mr. Monk's brother's ill. He's agoraphobic.

I know.
He never leaves his house.

He left once-
Once in 34 years.

At least he left.
The house was on fire. I had to drag him out.

[Knocking]

Adrian?
You talked to him?

I told you he'd be back.

He's in town on a business trip.

He said he'd be here
at 8:00 sharp.

You gave up,
but I never gave up.

I never gave up. Nev-
Are you trick-or-treating?

No. No.
This is Natalie, my new assistant.

You spoke on the phone.

[Speaking French]

I'm Ambrose Monk,
Adrian's brother. Ambrose Monk.

Yes, I know.
Very nice to meet you, Ambrose.

Yes.
Uh, this is my daughter, Julie.

L-I like your costume.
You're a cardiologist.

I'm a doctor.
No.

You're a cardiologist.

You see, that stethoscope
has a built-in concave amplifier.

It's called a "stethron."
Cardiologists use it to listen for heart murmurs.

Guess I'm a cardiologist.
It's all right.

I made a mistake once.

Uh, c-come in.

Wow, this is spooky.
Do you do this every year for Halloween?

Do what?
Um, nothing.

All these instruction manuals.
[Monk] Yes.

Ambrose wrote them.
That's what he does.

Wow! Ambrose, you must be pretty
handy around the house.

You should've been there
when we were putting together my Malibu Jenny bungalow.

- It took my mom five hours.
- I'm not surprised. Mike Gordon wrote that one.

He's a hack.
The man can't tell the difference between...

a three-quarter inch retaining screw
and a half-inch lag bolt.

I'm not kidding.
He actually made that mistake.

Still can't believe he won
the "Niz-M-U" award.

"Niz-M-" W-What?

National Society of Instruction
Manual Writers.

Oh, right.
I've won five of them.

- Can we see one?
- No.

They're not here.
They won't mail them.

Well, at least you won them.
That's the important thing.

[Knocking]

It's the door.
Ambrose?

[Knocking Continues]

The door.
Excuse me.

Trick-or-treat.!
Trick-or-treat.!

Wait! Wait!
Not yet.

Trick-or-treat- I've accepted
your terms which means we now have an implied contract.

By accepting this treat, you are,
in effect, promising to refrain...

from committing any
tricks against me or this property now or in the future.

Are there any questions?
Yeah.

Do you have any Peanut Chews?
There's only what's in the bowl.

Now, one per customer.
All right?

[Vacuuming]

Better?
Oh, yeah. It was cluttered before.

What are you doing?
Y- You can't go in there.

You cannot go in there.

[Vacuum Cleaner Stops]

L-I'm sorry.
L-I didn't know.

What's going on?
That is-That-That's Dad's study. We're not allowed in there.

Not allowed?
Yes. They caught me in there once when I was 12.

Well, what happened, Ambrose?

He grounded me.
For 30 years?

It's all right, Julie.
Ambrose, what's the big deal?

We'll just take a look around.
We're adults, right?

You go in there,
I will tell!

You better not.
I will! L-l-I'm telling!

Then I'll tell him
about the shaving kit.

Don't! Adrian, don't go in there!
It has to be exactly the way he left it.

It's Daddy's study.
Okay.

Okay. I'm not going in.

[Doorbell Rings]

Excuse me, Natalie, uh, Julie.

L- I have trick-or-treaters.

Uh, I'm sorry.

[Growling]

How old are you?
[Growls]

'Cause I have a rule,
no one older than 14.

All right.
Only one per customer.

What are you doing?

Only one per customer.
Did you hear what I said?

No. Only one per customer!

- [Groans]
- [Natalie] Get out ofhere.!

- [Growling]
- Hey! - Get out of here!

[Growling]
[Monk] Hey.! Hey.!

Ambrose, are you okay?

Ambrose, can you move?
Did he get more than one piece?

[Groans]
Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah.
The man who attacked you was five feet tall?

That's right.

And he wore a green mask
with a bolt through the neck.

Did he say anything?

He said-
[Growls] No, no, no, no.

It was-
[Higher-pitched Growl]

Write down "Frankenstein".
No, it wasn't Frankenstein.

It was Frankenstein's monster.
Frankenstein was the name of the scientist who created the monster.

- Well, it doesn't really matter.
- Captain, you can't just say, "Frankenstein"!

- It'll confuse everybody.!
- [No Audible Dialogue]

Okay, write down
"Frankenstein's Monster."

Well, uh, I saw the guy running
south towards the park.

Maybe he's there.
Look, it's probably just some high school kid with the munchies.

I don't think so.
He was wearing dress shoes. They were Italian. Forzieri's.

You noticed that, right?
I'm not familiar-

They're imported.
They cost about $420 a pair.

It's not exactly something
a high school kid with munchies would be wearing.

Okay. It was a rich high school kid
with the munchies.

Look, I'm really sorry that your
candy got spilled, but this isn't a priority for us right now.

You might have heard that there
was an armored car driver shot just down the street.

- Right. Right.
How is that going? - Uh, nothing yet.

But get this.
The driver was off duty. The truck was empty from the start.

It was empty?
Yeah, I guess the shooter didn't do his homework.

Anyway, we're off to question
the cashier at the grocery store. Do you wanna come?

I could use the help.
I can't. My father.

Oh, yeah.
I understand.

I hope that goes well for you.
I'll call you tomorrow.

Come on, Lieutenant.

What are you doing, Lieutenant?
Oh, I'm just- Sorry.

You can't take that.
I don't have any extra. It's just candy.

I know how much I need.
Every year I have it down to a science...

based on current weather
conditions, recent census data,

and the demand
from previous Halloweens.

Last year I ended up with just
one extra candy bar.

Well, Ambrose, that's, um-

That's very-

I don't know what
the hell that is. Come on, Lieutenant.

I'll buy you a Snickers bar.

[Door Closes]

Adrian, could l-
Could I talk to you?

Yeah. One second.

It's important.

[Sighs]
What?

Uh-
[Whispers] Not here.

[Banging]
Stop it. I mean it. Stop.

Okay. What?
[Groans]

[Ambrose] This way.
[Monk] Oh, no. Let's-

So nobody can hear
what we're doing. Oh, great. [Coughs]

It's a little dusty.
All right. Come on.

Come on.
[Groans]

[Sighs]
Oh, God.

Okay.
Shh.

Okay. Okay.

Are you and Natalie-

What?

Involved?

What? No. No.

No. No. Wh-Why would you
even ask me that?

Well, it's been eight years
since Trudy.

Exactly.
It's only been eight years.

You're a widower.
She's a widow.

And I know
how you are with the ladies.

I remember, in high school,
those girls...

calling you on the phone,
talking to you on the phone, complimenting you, huh?

Ambrose, those were my teachers.

So?

What about Mrs. Fagan?
[Scoffs]

Yeah?
Natalie... works for me.

Strictly professional.

Okay?

Is she seeing anybody else?

Wh-W-W-Why?

Why?

No reason.

[Doorbell Rings]

- [All] Trick-or-treat!
- Oh, you guys look amazing!

I love it.
Here you go.

Yes.
[Natalie Chuckles]

Hey, Julie.
Hey, Frankie. Frankie's in my homeroom.

- Ah.
- So, have you gone trick-or-treating yet?

If not you can come with us.
Please, Mom?

Okay.
Be back by 8:00.

Stick together.
You guys stay on this side of the freeway, all right?

Oh, wait.
Here's my cell phone.

And don't eat anything
until I inspect it. Bye, Mom.

[Chuckles]

[Stottlemeyer]
Goodjob. Thank you.

And you'd never
seen this guy before?

In the store? Hanging
around the parking lot?

I don't think so-
But I see a lot of faces.

Sure.
It looks like Kiefer Sutherland.

Yeah, I guess it does.

Um-
It wasn't Kiefer Sutherland, was it?

Uh, no, sir.

Here's a receipt.
This is from your cash register.

This is him, right?
Mm-hmm.

Eight items
at 89 cents. Yes, sir. Eight candy bars.

- Eight candy bars?
- It really looks like Kiefer Sutherland.

You know, maybe we should-
before we distribute it,

write across the bottom,
"Not Kiefer Sutherland"...

just so that we don't disturb
Mr. Sutherland.

That's a really good idea.
You think so?

No.

Let's do this again.
So, he pays you and then he walks out.

A minute later you hear shots.
You run to the window and see...

this guy shooting the driver.

Yeah.
And then he looks in the back of the truck,

sees it's empty,
and he takes off. Uh, no, sir.

- He never looked
in the back of the truck. - Really?

[Chattering]

[Shouting, Indistinct]

[Growling]
[Screaming]

What's he doing?
You'll see. Shh.

Is he drunk?
No. He's thinking.

Okay.

Now, he must have been following
you all for quite a while.

Can anybody tell me
which way he ran off?

He went that way.
I saw him turn left on Hamilton Street.

Uh-huh.
You sure you weren't hallucinating?

Mr. Monk,
he's 11 years old. He's not a real hippie.

I got mine stolen too,
about twenty minutes ago.

Mine, too.

Okay, I want all of you
who had your candy stolen by Frankenstein...

to stand over here,
and the others stand over here.

Okay. Come on.
Let's go.

Here. Right here.
You here.

And you others... Good.

So, why you, but not you?

And why you, but not you?

Maybe he's afraid of karate.

Or maybe he's afraid of pirates.

No, that's just stupid.

How many of you stopped by
my brother's house, the big gray house near the end of Oakview?

You mean where the special man
lives who never comes out?

Yeah. That's right.
Where the special man lives.

How many?

He's only taking candy from kids
who went to Ambrose's house? What's going on?

I don't know. I don't know.

Wait a minute.

What?
No.

What?
No.

[Sniffs]
It's a clove cigarette.

Like the one at the murder scene.

[Sighs]

Who was it this time?
Dracula?

The werewolf?
No, no. It was Frankenstein.

[Both]
Frankenstein's monster.

Hey, well, there's just no
stopping that crazy creature.

He wants candy-
And not just any candy.

He wants your candy.
That's right. He's only interested in candy from this house.

You know, I can't help
but wonder why.

The answer is here.
It is right in front of us.

And you're saying that this is somehow
connected to the armored car thing?

Well, l-I bought all this candy
at Beachs Market.

They deliver.
And that's where the driver was killed, right?

Plus, I found this where
the kids were attacked.

It's a clove cigarette.
Yeah, actually, I researched these.

They're common.
150 stores in this area sell them.

Okay, you're saying that
there is a connection.

I'm here.
Convince me.

Why would a killer who every cop
in this city is looking for hang around to steal candy from children?

[Whispering]

[Whispering Continues]

We don't know.

You don't know.

Can I go trick-or-treating
or not? No, not tonight, sweetie.

- You promised!
I only got to go a little bit. - [Cell Phone Beeps]

Honey, there is a nut out there.
The only way you can go now is with a police escort.

- Lt. Disher!
- Hmm?

- Come trick-or-treating with me.
- Oh, l-I don't, uh- Can I?

- No.
- Adrian, why don't you go with her?

What?
Natalie can stay here with me...

and help me get ready.

That is such a good idea.
Right?

It's not much of a costume,
is it?

Sure, it is.
I'm a safety patrol officer.

Hey! Hey! Wait.
Cross at the green, not in between.

It's amazing it still fits you.
When was the last time you wore it?

Third grade?
College.

[Chuckles]

Oh, I found some pictures.
I hope you don't mind.

Oh. No.

[Sighs]

Is that your father?
Oh, that's him and Ambrose.

[Chuckles]
He named the turtle after you?

He named me after the turtle.

Oh, Ambrose.

[Laughs]
Oh, I like this one. You look so happy.

Mom was worried about us
because we never laughed. So she made us practice.

That's us practicing.

So, now I can laugh-
[Forced Chuckle] If I have to.

- What about this one?
- Uh, that was taken the day before he left.

He left because of me.

I was driving him crazy,
clinging to him.

I was too needy.

Mr, Monk says it was
because of him.

Nah, he's just saying that
to make me feel better.

It was me.

It was me.

- Gilstrap. That's a funny name.
- Yeah. What time is it?

Um, 10 to 8:00.
We gotta get home after this.

No. Just
a couple more houses.

Trick-or-treat.
Trick-or-treat.

Well, hello. We have
a doctor in the house.

I'm a cardiologist.
And you're a safety boy.

I'm a safety patrol officer.

Well, I think you both
look wonderful.

Uh, no, thanks.
I'm allergic.

To chocolate?
No, ma'am.

I'm allergic to food that's been
sitting in a bowl all night that other people have been touching.

Oh, well, I love chocolate.

I have to have a Neptune bar
every night before I go to bed or I can't sleep.

Well, I guess we all have
our little quirks, don't we?

I suppose we do.

Mmm. Well, thank you very much.

Be careful crossing the street.
I guess I don't have to tell you that.

Maybe it's fast.
It's one of the most accurate clocks in the world.

I wrote the manual for it.

He'll be here.
[Sighs]

Natalie, uh,

could I ask you something?
Hmm?

Would you ever, uh,

consider, uh,

going out with
someone like me,

or to be more specific,
me?

Of course,
we can't actually go out.

I mean, we can't go outside,
but we could go anywhere else.

Thank you, Ambrose.

Thank you.

But it's-
It's complicated.

Okay, I understand.
Withdrawn.

I never said it.
It never happened.

I'll- I'll get the ice.

My father likes a lot of ice.
I remember he used to like to clink it.

Ambrose, sit down.

Please.

[Sighs]

I can't go out with you
because...

I work for your brother.

Mm-hmm.
You know, it would just get messy.

Mmm.
You can understand that.

Well, yeah.

But if I ever have
another job someday,

I hope you'll ask me again.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

So you're not saying "no"?

That's like a... maybe.

Y-Y-You're saying "maybe."

I'm saying "maybe."

Can I tell my father?

That w-w-w-we might
have a date someday?

[Chuckles]
Sure.

I think he'd like that.

Oh, my-
What is it?

Did you bring your mom's
cell phone?

Hey, Monk.
I hope that's your costume.

I'm a safety patrol officer.

Good for you.

So, what's so important?

[Disher]
What'd they get this time- Three Musketeers? Milky Way?

It's a pigeon.

Well?
Does he look familiar?

Does he look familiar?
Take a closer look.

At the murder scene,
you kept shooing it away. This is that same pigeon.

[Laughs]

Monk, you've had a tough night-
Captain, this is the same pigeon.

I remember it had five little
brown spots on its back...

because I remember
thinking that it reminded me of the constellation Cassiopeia.

Look.
You see it?

Look. See?
Okay. Okay.

Okay. It's the same pigeon.
So what?

Remember, it was eating
something from right near the victim's hand.

And now, five hours later,

it's dead.

I think it's been poisoned.

You want me to do an autopsy
on the pigeon? Yeah.

Why?
What would that mean? I don't know.

But it would mean something.

It would be another piece
of the puzzle.

[Sighs]

Okeydokey.

Give me the pigeon.

Lieutenant, get that to the lab.

[Engine Starts]
Thanks.

Happy Halloween.

He's not coming.
He'll be here.

Why would-
Why would he call and not show up?

Because that's what he does.
We're better off.

Don't say that.
Don't say that!

We're better off!

Don't you say that.

Don't you dare say that!

I thought you said
you didn't have any extra.

I don't care.
It's my candy!

You know what your problem is?
You have never learned to wait!

Never!

Mr, Monk, what is going on?

What are you doing?
Cleaning out his study.

Oh, God, it's so dusty.
Is it?

Mr. Monk-

[Cell Phone Ringing]

Hello? Yes, sir.
Mr. Monk.

It's-It's the captain.

Hello!
You were right about the pigeon.

The bird was poisoned.

I had them go back and do a tox
scan on the armored car driver.

Turns out he had been poisoned
too before he was shot.

The poison was called tet-
Tetrachlorodrine.

Tetrachlorodrine.
Very deadly.

Stronger than arsenic.
It's stronger than arsenic.

Uh, it came straight
from the lab. It hadn't even been diluted yet.

And get this.
We just talked to the plant manager here.

Turns out some of this stuff
had been stolen.

They didn't realize it until
today 'cause they caught the guy trying to put it back.

Wait, wait.
He was putting it back?

Yeah. They had to let him go.
He denied everything, and they didn't have any evidence.

Uh, the guy's name is-
Gilstrap.

Gilstrap. He worked here
part-time fixing computers.

Gilstrap? Paul Gilstrap?

Ambrose.!

- Ambrose!
Don't eat the candy! - I paid for it.

No. Spit it out! Spit it out!
It could be poisoned. What?

That's what this whole thing
has been about.

It's been spiked with
tetrachlorodrine.

Is there a Neptune bar in here?
Not anymore there isn't.

Oh, my God!
Natalie, call 9-1-1. My God.

I thought it tasted funny.
Tetrachlorodrine?

The guy down the street was
trying to kill his wife. It's too late.

D-Don't say that.
Don't say that. Just get up!

Get up, now!
Natalie, help me! Adrian. Adrian.

Tetrachlorodrine
is a synthetic insecticide.

Natalie, help me!
There is no antidote.

I'll be dead in five minutes.

[Siren Blaring]

Adrian?
I'm right here.

[Sobbing]
I'm right here.

Tell me who did this.
Shh. It doesn't matter.

It matters to me.
I don't wanna die without knowing.

Shh.

Tell me, Adrian.

Okay, here's what happened.

His name is Paul Gilstrap.

He wanted to kill his wife.

He worked in a laboratory
where they made tetrachlorodrine. Oh.

A few days ago he snuck in there,
and he stole some of it.

Ambrose, I met his wife when I went
trick-or-treating with Julie.

And she said
that she ate a Neptune bar...

- every night before bed.
- Oh.

Gilstrap... poisoned her candy.

But he couldn't poison just one.

He wanted to make it look like
there was a serial killer on the loose,

so he had to poison a lot
of other candy bars.

He put them back
into circulation.

So his wife would just be
another victim.

That's right.
It's a good plan.

[Monk]
But he made a mistake.

He got caught...

trying to put
the poison back.

[Ambrose]
Ruined everything. That's right.

It ruined everything
because now, ifhis wife or anyone else died...

from tetrachlorodrine,
they'd know it was him.

So he was desperate.

He had to get all
of the poisoned candy bars out of circulation.

He found them all except for two.
Right.

The armored car driver had one.
He had already taken a bite.

If the driver hadjust
dropped dead,

Gilstrap knew
there'd be an autopsy.

So he had to think fast.
He grabbed the driver's gun...

and shot him repeatedly.

Who would bother looking
for poison in a guy who had been shot five times?

Which left just one candy bar.

The one I ate.
That's right.

He's been-
[Sobs] Trying to get it back all night.

[Siren Blaring]

How much further?
20 blocks.

Adrian, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- What are you talking about?
- Dad.

- Oh, no.
- I drove him away.

No. No.
He couldn't stand me.

He couldn't stand me, Adrian.
It was my fault.

No, I'm sorry.
It was me.

You're a good brother, Adrian.
[Sobbing]

I love you.
I love you.

Don't cry, Adrian.
Be strong now.

Is that another Neptune bar?

Where's the wrapper
from the one he ate?

It's right here.

What? What?

This one expired
eleven months ago.

That must be the candy bar
left over from last year.

From last Halloween?

That's why it tasted funny.

That's why it tasted funny.

So this-
This is the- This is the poison.

That's why it tasted funny.
[All Laughing]

That's why it tasted funny!

This is the-
This is the- The one with poison.

[Laughs]
I have a stomachache.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Everyone got so upset.

[Siren Blaring]

Paul Gilstrap?

Boo.
You missed one.

Ambrose, about our date.
Is Friday okay?

No, Natalie, that's okay.
You-You don't have to.

You thought I was dying.
I'll be here Friday.

Hey, look!
There's a note.

"Stopped by.
Nobody home.

"Can't blame you.
I wouldn't wait for me either.

"Dad.

"P.S. Ambrose, I'm proud of you...

for getting out of the house."

He said he was proud of me?

You think he'll be back?

I don't know.

I think he'll be back.

Maybe we should, uh,
go inside.

Let's go inside.

It's better... inside.

Excuse me.

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