Mom (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - Xanax and a Baby Duck - full transcript

- Previously on Mom...
- We caught Roscoe smoking marijuana.

- Oh, no.
- What?

Roscoe, after everything

you've seen me and
your grandma go through,

why would you do this?

I'm sorry. It was the first time.

I didn't even like it.

Ah, he thinks we're stupid.

What do you want from
me? I said I'm sorry.

It's a crutch that
people use when, you know,

they're dealing with
feelings they don't like.



I get it.

Is that why you did it?

- The truth?
- Yeah.

We were out of beer.

_

He's
12-years-old,

Marjorie, and he's getting high,

and I can't help worrying he's
gonna need his college fund

for bail and then he's gonna find out

I never started his college fund.

I know but...

Yeah but...

But I'm...

Well, if you're just gonna
be calm and reasonable,



I can't talk to you!

Okay, here he comes, got to go.

Love you, too.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

How'd therapy go?

Fine.

What'd you think of Dr. LaSalle?

He's okay.

"Okay."

That can mean a lot of things,

like, "okay!" Or,

"okay."

I like him.

Good.

Good.

I know I'm not supposed to ask

what you talked about
with your therapist,

and I never would,

but... if you want to tell me, you can.

I know.

Operators are standing by.

What's an operator?

Never mind.

Want to stop and get a slice of pizza?

Maybe chat?

No, I just want to go home.

I've been talking for an hour.

Sure, sorry, of course.

Talking for an hour.

Must've had a lot to say.

Did my name come up?

That's a yes.

Aren't you eating?

I went to a lot of
trouble for this dinner.

Hey, I had to park

and go inside for extra sauce packets.

Sorry, I've got a lot on my mind.

Oh, relax.

He's seeing a therapist,

he'll work it out.

What are you doing?

Roscoe knows the rule...

If you're away from
the table five minutes,

your food's in play.

He has been in the bathroom a while.

Should I check on him?

Not that this will stop you,

but no.

Kids need space, take it from me.

Is that why

I didn't see you my
entire sophomore year?

You're welcome.

Well, I'm not doing that.

Baxter gave him space

and he started getting high over there.

Oh, come on, Christy, he was
probably getting high here, too.

I'm checking on him.

Five minutes on your drumstick,

the clock is ticking.

Roscoe? What's goin' on in there?

What do you think?

I'm going to the bathroom.

Taking you a long time.

It's a number two.

Oh really, at this time of night?

This is when it wants out.

Well, you're certainly giving him plenty

to talk to his therapist about.

What if he's smoking pot in there?

- Roscoe, are you smoking pot in there?
- No!

You want to plant some weed on him

like a dirty cop or can we go now?

When you come out, I better smell poop!

Enjoy.

Put your shoes on, let's go.

Where are we going?

Grandma and I are going to a meeting,

and I'm not leaving you here alone.

Why do you have to go to a meeting?

Because if I miss one,

I start to get a little crazy.

Start?

Ready to roll?

Just waiting for him

to put his shoes on.

Why are we dragging him with us?

Because I'm not comfortable
leaving him here alone.

Why? There's nothing in the house.

What's he gonna do, smoke
a bowl of Grape-Nuts?

Don't give him ideas.

Get in the car.

Let me finish putting my shoes on.

Slower.

- Would anyone else like to share?
- I would.

Hey, I'm Jill. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Jill.

Christy, I hope your son's headphones

are on nice and tight, 'cause

I got some grown-up
stuff I want to share.

Hang on.

Good news, Roscoe, you're adopted.

Share away.

Okay.

So, I had dinner with an
old boyfriend last night.

Thank you, Facebook.

I looked him up to see if
he had gained any weight

or lost his hair.

Turned out, he hadn't gained any weight

but he had lost his wife.

Not to death, to divorce,

so it wasn't super sad.

Anyway,

we got together and
I realized right away

that he was still loud
and obnoxious and crass.

Then I slept with him.

But I did it with a clear head

and I knew where I was in the morning,

so that's progress.

Way to go, sobriety.

Thank you.

- Who's next?
- Christy wants to share.

- I don't need to.
- I disagree.

Tell her she can't make me share.

You can't make her share.

But I think you should.

Fine.

Christy, alcoholic.

Hi, Christy.

Well, I'm still having a problem

with my son

and as you can see, he's...

What the hell?

Where'd he go?

He walked out during Jill's share.

Why didn't somebody say something?

What were we supposed to say?

Well, don't look at
me, I was dozing off.

Hey!

Well, next time, don't
slow-roll the sex part.

Am I the only sane person here?

Roscoe! Roscoe!

Okay, while Nancy Drew
is solving this mystery,

I'll go.

Bonnie, alcoholic.

Hi, Bonnie.

Well, you just got a
glimpse into my life.

With my daughter in a
constant state of panic,

I find myself suddenly being the wise,

old voice of reason.

And it makes me feel like
Marjorie and I don't like it.

What?

Your mom's looking for you.

I'm right here.

Roscoe!

Roscoe!

- Should we tell her?
- I don't want her back, do you?

Roscoe!

Excuse me.

- You gonna go get her?
- No, I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm not saying you're a bad father,

I just want to make sure
he's properly supervised.

No, Baxter, I'm not overreacting.

What are you trying to do,
quote the serenity prayer?

'Cause that's the lyrics
to "Livin' on a Prayer."

He cuts to the middle.

- There he is, first down!
- Got to go.

27 yard line, Michael...

What the hell's going on here?

We're watching a game.

No, you're undermining

everything I'm trying to do.

What are you talking about?

I know what she's talking about.

Good luck.

- What's your deal?
- Bup-bup-bup.

... at the slot, nice break.

Maybe you don't know,

but we are in a crisis
with that young man

and you're sitting here
getting drunk in front of him!

I'm not getting drunk.
I'm getting happy.

You're making drinking look cool.

I make everything look cool,

it's what I do.

Don't you sass me!

Don't you talk to me
like I'm a six-year-old.

Nobody told me I can't drink

in front of the kid.

What's going on?

Why didn't you tell him

he couldn't drink in front of Roscoe?

Because that's stupid,

- and I don't say stupid things.
- Sure you do.

Wait,

we're on the same side.

Oh, so now there are sides?

Everyone against me?

We're not against you,
it's just that you're

trying to raise your kid like he's

the boy in the plastic bubble.

Good movie.

John Travolta. People didn't really

respect his acting chops
coming off of Kotter,

but he showed some
serious range in that.

What is wrong with you?

Sorry, sorry.

Turns out I am a little drunk.

All right, new rule:

no more beer in the house, ever!

- What about...
- No weed either!

And if he's coming over,

I need to know about it ahead of time!

- Why?
- Because I need to know!

Okay, you're way over the line.

Don't you tell me I'm over the line!

A couple of years ago,

the only lines you
knew went up your nose!

Crazy never takes a
day off here, does it?

So it turns out,

my old boyfriend is
a little less divorced

than I was led to believe.

What does that mean?

He's happily married

and his wife was out of town.

I guess that's the end of that.

Well, that's the obvious move.

I'll keep you posted.

- Where's your mom?
- Who cares?

Oh, no, don't tell me

you two are bickering.

Back me up here.

Her boyfriend was drinking
beer in front of Roscoe.

That's a huge problem, right?

I don't think so.

Wow.

Et Tu, Marjorie?

Someone wants us to know
they're going to college.

Of all people, I thought
you'd see what I'm up against.

Well, Christy, you have to
know that watching your son

every minute of the
day is not the answer.

I think you're wrong. I
think it's the perfect answer.

You know when I was a little girl,

my parents gave me a baby duck.

I named him Lucky.

This better go somewhere, Wendy.

Hang on.

I was so afraid that
something would happen

to my little baby duck, I
took him with me everywhere.

Seriously, I'm a woman on the edge.

He had a cage in the
backyard, but I was worried

coyotes would eat him, so I
brought him to bed with me.

And?

And... I accidentally rolled
on top of him in my sleep,

and that was it for poor Lucky.

So you're saying I could kill
my son by caring about him?

I think she's saying, in
her own adorable way...

Thank you.

... that it is possible to
love something too much.

You really think I need
to stop seeing that guy?

Hang on, Jill.

I mean, his wife's
not back till Tuesday.

Christy, is there a chance

that you're going past
mothering into smothering?

You know, Marjorie,
just because it rhymes

doesn't make it good advice.

Oh, I've been wanting
to say that for so long.

You're carrying around so much anger

about your mother, about your son.

Have you thought of trying Al-Anon?

I don't want to go to Al-Anon.

All those people do is bitch and moan.

All right, I'll say it.

You'll fit right in!

I just think it would
help you put your focus

on yourself instead of the
things you can't control.

Unbelievable.

I come to you with serious
concerns about my child,

and you give me more
meetings and dead ducks.

It was just one dead
duck, and he had a name!

- What?
- Nothing.

It's just...

When I got sober, I began to understand

the damage that I'd done to
my kids while I was drinking.

And it haunts me.

I beat myself up about it every day.

And so I just wonder what
it must be like for you

to not have any of those
feelings about yourself.

It's okay.

- Hey, bud.
- Hey.

We're all done, but I'd love to talk

to the two of you for a few minutes.

Roscoe, you can wait here.

By himself?

Yeah, I saw it.

Please.

So I've talked to
Roscoe a few times now,

and I've also spoken
to some of his teachers,

and I feel confident that he
does not have a drug problem.

Oh, that's terrific.

An actual doctor says he
doesn't have a problem.

You are an actual doctor, right?

I am.

I'm only asking 'cause in California

any clown can hang a shingle.

What are you basing that
on, what Roscoe says?

He can lie to you just
like he lied to us.

That's true, but I've been
doing this a long time.

I've also been sober for
22 years, and I think that

what we're seeing with Roscoe
is typical experimentation.

A 12-year-old smoking
pot hardly seems typical.

It's not as unusual as you might think.

You were 12.

I was 11, and you're not helping.

So, what, you expect me to go home

and pretend this is no big deal?

- I think what Dr. LaSalle is saying...
- Hey!

I'm not spending $150
an hour to hear from you.

Can you promise me that
this isn't gonna lead

to a bigger problem down the line?

No, I can't.

But I can tell you that
your son's trying very hard

to rebuild his trust with you.

Well, it takes a long
time to get my trust back.

I'm going into my third decade.

Christy, I know what
you're going through.

My husband and I have
teenagers ourselves.

It's a scary world,

and you want to protect
them from everything.

But sometimes all you
can do is stay close

and let them find their own way.

Well put.

Hey, while we're here,

I've been having

a recurring dream where I'm at a...

a big fancy banquet,
and there are a lot of

important people there, but
I can't for the life of me

find a place to pee.

What do you think that means?

Mom! Roscoe.

Oh, sorry, I thought
we were done with him.

Roscoe, wait here.

I'm gonna talk to your
dad before you go in.

You mean yell at him?

Would you rather I yell at you?

Take your time.

Put those down.

Are you gonna yell at me, too?

No. I think your mom's done
enough of that for both of us.

I just want to know how you're doing.

Everybody keeps asking
me that. I'm fine.

You know what, that's probably true.

I think you are fine.

You do?

Yeah. Your biggest problem is
you come from a crazy family.

Oh, for God's sakes, Christy!

I'm not putting a surveillance
camera in his room!

And you have every reason to
be mad at your mom and dad.

And even me.

- I am kind of sometimes.
- I totally get it.

I spent most of my life
pissed off at the world.

So I got high, I made bad choices,

and then I got even higher
to forget the bad choices.

Your mom wasn't much different.

She was mad at me, so she
did a lot of dumb things.

Thank God both of us
got our lives together.

Yes, there's wine in
the cellar, beer in the fridge,

and thanks to you, Xanax
in the medicine cabinet!

My point is...

the best thing you can
do is take your anger

and turn it into something positive.

In fact, if you really want
to be a rebel in this family,

don't waste your time getting high,

do well in school and succeed in life.

I guess I can do that.

And if the goal is just
to piss off your mom,

make a lot of money
and buy Grandma a condo.

You kicked me! I can't
believe you kicked me!

Maybe everyone's mad at me,

but I think I'm handling
this really well.

Everyone is mad at you, and you're not.

Disagree. I'm a mama bear
fiercely protecting her cub.

Yeah, or you're a middle-aged drunk

who's projecting her fears
about herself onto her son.

Hey, I'm not middle-aged
till next March.

Where'd you come up
with this stuff anyway?

I've been going to Al-Anon.

Why?

Because I live with an
alcoholic who drives me nuts.

Me?

So, wait, you're going to
meetings to deal with me?

I go to meetings to
deal with a lot of stuff.

But, yeah, mostly you.

How long has this been going on?

Not long.

Two years.

Why are we stopping?

'Cause I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting.

You want to come?

- No, I would not.
- Fine.

You're not gonna try to talk me into it?

No. I'm leaving that up to you.

'Cause I can't control
anyone else's life,

I can only control my own.

And, yeah, that can be really scary,

especially when it's your kid
and you love them very much.

And that's what I learned at Al-Anon.

Anyway, I'll see you in an hour.

- Try not to get abducted.
- Wait.

Do they have coffee?

Yeah, but I wouldn't drink it.

- Fine, I'll go.
- Great. Oh, just a heads up.

You're kind of famous in this
meeting, but not in a good way.

What?!

What did you say about me?!

When I left the house this morning,

my wife was already three drinks in.

I know I'm not supposed to count,

but I just happened to notice.

And when I was walking out, she asked
me if I would call in sick for her.

But I didn't do it.

You see, because she's not sick.

I mean, she is, but in a different way.

It used to be that I
would spend the whole day

just worryin' about her,

about us and what was gonna happen.

But I actually wound
up having a good day.

Went to work, had
lunch with some friends,

came here, and...

I'll deal with home when I get there.

Anyway, thanks.

We have time for one more.

Would our newcomer like to share?

Oh. Okay.

Hi. I'm Christy and I'm...

- What am I here?
- You're Christy.

- That's it?
- That's enough. Go.

Right.

Uh...

I don't know what to say exactly.

I guess what's happening is, uh...

... my 12-year-old
son's been

smoking pot and drinking beer.

And...

I'm...

I'm just really, really scared.

She's usually a lot more annoying.