Mom (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage - full transcript

I'm sorry I'm keeping you awake.

The antihistamine isn't working.

How much did you take?

The recommended dose.

What kind of alcoholic are you?

Whatever the box says, triple it.

Did you ever think it would come to this?

Sleeping on a fold-out couch
with a face full of cat ass? No.

We've got to get our own place.

We can't stay with Marjorie forever.

You sure? We're probably gonna outlive her.



If we dispose of the body discreetly,

I bet we can hang here for a couple years.

Maybe even cash her Social Security checks.

You've really thought this out.

Well, unlike you, I don't
live in the problem.

I live in the solution.

I hope that's someone
breaking in to kill us.

Oopsie.

Oh, hello.

You okay?

I am awesome.

Are you drunk?

No.

Please tell me you didn't drive home.



Oh, give me some credit.

Plus, I couldn't find my car.

You mean my car.

Right.

You are so pretty for your age.

Uh-oh.

Bathroom.

Oh, my God, they're eating it!

Oh.

Stop!

- Shoo! Go away!
- Go away!

Oh, God.

When did I eat corn?

Corn.

Mom - 02x04
Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage

You get her down?

Yeah. Had to hose her off first.

Put her on her side?

Just like I used to do with you.

How's it going here?

I'm just counting my blessings.

I'm at zero.

Violet's no angel, but I've
never seen her drunk like this.

Oh, come on. She's a kid.
It's what they do.

Her mother and grandmother are alcoholics.

Doesn't mean she is.

Doesn't mean she isn't.

She gave a baby up for adoption.

Let her have a freakin' drink.

I guess.

I still have to talk to her about it.

Yeah, teenage girls love a good
heart-to-heart conversation

with their mother.

I wouldn't know.

Oh, you're good.

- Go to sleep.
- Oh.

Night.

Bite me.

All right, kitties,
come get your breakfast.

That's odd.

They're usually starving in the morning.

You didn't feed 'em anything
last night, did you?

We did not.

Good morning.

How you feeling?

Awful.

Oh. What's wrong?

She's hungover.

You need to take some aspirin
and drink plenty of fluids.

Christy, let me handle this.

Sweetheart, the only real cure
for a hangover is to drink more.

Mom, please!

I'm her grandmother.
I should deny her my wisdom?

No. Just help Roscoe get to school.

It's okay, I got that.

I was trying to get rid of her, but thanks.

Violet, listen, I'm in no position

to judge you for last night, but...

Then don't.

Is it just me, or is she
getting harder to love?

When was she easy to love?

Really?

- A bacon cheeseburger?
- What?

You just had a heart attack.

There's lettuce on it.

So, how's our daughter doing?

Broke, homeless, and alcoholic,

but better than her father's arteries.

Is there a plan for the old Landlord? Is she
gonna pay him the money she owes him?

Oh, you're serious.

Yeah, I'm serious. She could go to jail.

Oh, please, they don't throw you in jail

- for running out on the rent.
- How do you know?

Alvin, unless you're talking
a Class A felony,

the worst she's looking at is
community service,

picking up trash
on the side of the highway,

which can be actually
quite lovely this time of year.

See, right there, that's the problem.

Aw, man, just 'cause you can still fit

in your Boy Scout uniform

doesn't mean you have to act like one.

You raised Christy
with no respect for the law,

no appreciation for right and wrong.

The girl is a borderline criminal.

Key words there... I raised her.

You ran out.

Oh, come on with that.

This guy wasn't there
when she was growing up, either.

You're gonna blame him
for how she turned out?

Now you're just being an idiot.

- Am I?
- I'm uncomfortable.

You were her only role model.

Everything she knows about being a woman

and a mother, she learned from you.

It's a miracle

the two of you never got
thrown in jail together.

It's not a miracle. I run faster than her.

Anyway, I-I can't help thinking

that somehow this is all my fault.

If maybe I had been sober
when my daughter was growing up,

she wouldn't be turning tricks
on the street right now.

That's it.

I'm Bonnie. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Bonnie.

I've got to tell you, Mary,
I think you're right.

I think your daughter's
a whore 'cause of you.

I don't say that with any judgment,

because I'm responsible
for this hot mess over here.

Hey!

Excuse me. I'm sharing.

This is supposed to be a safe space.

Oh, my God, how the hell
do you turn my screwups

into your suffering?

The same way Jesus did.

Mom, you really want to take
responsibility for the past,

help me now!

For God's sakes, I'm homeless.

I'm sleeping on my sponsor's couch

and feeding her cats vomit.

What?

Sorry, I forgot you were here.

Get a job.

Make money.

Help us get a home.

You realize I kiss my cats on the lips.

Well, uh, I must say, you've had, uh,

quite a smashing career in advertising.

Thank you.

I like to think I could
sell veal to a Vegan.

That's not a bad slogan, you can use that.

So, you did your postgraduate work

at Southern Methodist University?

Yep, go Meth or go home.

And you started out writing
ad copy for Ogilvy and Mather?

Loved Ogilvy, Mather was a little gropey.

Okay.

And then you were with BBDO in New York?

Yep, I was VP BBDO-NYC.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

So, why did you leave?

To be completely honest,

I was bored.

I had knocked it
out of the park so many times

with the food campaigns,
I got pigeon-holed.

I mean, sure, I-I'm proud of...

"Eggs, they're not just
for breakfast anymore,"

but who wouldn't be?

Good heavens, that was you?

It was a team, but yeah.

And from there, I went on to create,

"Beef, it's what's for dinner."

"Pork, the other white meat."

"Got milk?" Which, by the way,
I pitched as a joke.

Fascinating.

So, why did you choose our agency?

Honestly?

You represent all the big
players in Silicon Valley,

and that's the future, and
that's what I want to be part of.

Well, I have to tell you, Ms. Plunkett,

- I am very impressed.
- Thank you.

You are the most spectacular
liar I have ever met in my life.

Excuse me?

I've been in the ad business
for over 30 years.

Now, you think I don't
know who came up with

"They're not just for breakfast anymore"?

I said it was a team.

You are so pathologically shameless,

I'm almost tempted to hire you.

Well, as I told Nike, "Just do it."

Get out.

Thank you for your time.

Hey.

Hey.

What you doing?

Nothing.

You're still in your pajamas?

Looks like it.

Okay.

Okay.

We need to talk.

Ah, damn.

I thought we had a plan.

You were gonna apply to a local college,

get a part-time job, you know,
get on with your life.

- I'm going to.
- When?

Back off.

Did you forget what I just went through?

And do you remember why?

You gave up the baby

so you could make something of yourself.

- I'm going to my room.
- Violet.

You're a smart girl, you could do anything.

Yeah, except make you stop talking.

I swear to God, I am getting
real tired of your attitude.

Seriously? You're gonna lecture me

after you got us kicked out of our house?

Okay, I may have messed up,
but I'm still trying.

I am working my ass off
so we can get back on our feet.

You just gave up.

Get out of my way.

Don't you!

Hey!

You are messing with the wrong broad!

Whoa, Roscoe, stay there.

Stop it!

You're upsetting the cats!

What the hell is going on?!

She wants me to have a great life.

How can I have any kind of life
when I deserted my baby

and I don't even know if she's okay?!

Oh, honey.

I never would have tackled her if I knew.

I think about her all the time.

I know. I know.

Hey, why don't we go see her?

Really?

The Taylors offered an open adoption.

That means you can visit any time you want.

You want me to call them?

Okay.

Come on, you get washed and dressed.

Then we'll head right over there.

Okay.

Wait, Violet, I'll get you
some clean towels.

I'm still out here!

Wow.

Very impressive r?sum?.

Thank you.

Ever since I was a little girl,

all I wanted to do was trade stocks.

I used to have a kitten named Nasdaq.

Cute.

I started young, too.

Sitting on my dad's lap,
reading The Wall Street Journal.

Oh, my God, did we grow up
in the same house?

I think we did.

I don't know about you,

but I had no interest in dolls or boys.

All I cared about was IPOs,

currency spreads, mergers and acquisitions.

Papa used to say,

"Every time a closing bell
rings, an angel gets its wings""

Do you know, for my tenth birthday,

my dad took me and my friends
to the New York Stock Exchange.

Wow, you had friends.

Until that day.

So, Bonnie, 22 years at Merrill Lynch.

Why'd you leave New York?

Can I confide in you, Louanne?

Of course.

I came back to take care of my daughter.

She's... mentally ill.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's been pretty difficult.

Honestly, I thought I was gonna retire,

but I need to go back to work
in order to pay for her care.

Sure, sure.

I mean, if she doesn't have 24-7 nursing,

she just tears off her helmet

and runs into the wall over and over.

Oh, my God.

Well, uh, I would love to have someone

with your background come and work with us.

Thank you, Louanne.

Thanks for looking out for me, Papa.

Now, obviously, we're not
a big firm like Merrill,

so we couldn't pay you a base salary

anywhere near what you're used to.

I understand.

What are you thinking?

Well, we couldn't go any higher
than $85,000 a year.

Oof.

I'm not gonna lie, that's quite a drop.

But we have a great bonus package.

Mm-hmm.

Gosh, I'm sorry.

I-I don't want to waste your time.

No, wait, wait, wait.

Uh, what if we were
to, uh, go up to $100,000?

Oh, boy.

You're really squeezing me here, Louanne.

All right, let's do this.

That is great.

Huh, you know, I just realized

that if you were
at Merrill back in the '90s,

then you had to know Phil Eldridge.

Phil Eldridge?

Of course!

Who didn't know Phil Eldridge?

Guess who's running our bond department?

Phil Eldridge?

You just stay here.

He's right across the hall.

I'm gonna go get him.

- Yay.
- Yay.

Phil, you will never
guess who is in my office.

Bonnie Plunkett.

Who?

This is little Gwyneth's room.

Excuse the mess.

It's still a work in progress.

Wow.

When I was a baby,
I slept in the shopping cart.

And here she is.

Oh...

She's beautiful.

She looks really happy.

Yeah.

I don't want to brag,

but, uh, the doctor says
she has perfect poos.

- I-I-It...
- No.

Do you want to hold her?

Uh...

No, that's okay.

Can I?

Sure.

Hi, Gwyneth.

Oh, hi.

Aren't you a happy baby?

Thank you so much for letting us
come visit on such short notice.

Anytime.

Um...

Sorry, here.

Hey.

What's going on?

Nothing, she's great.

Everything's great.

And that's a good thing, right?

Yeah.

I just don't have any excuses now.

What are you talking about?

I gave her up so that she
could have this great life.

And she does.

And so that I could have a great life, too.

And you can.

But what if I can't?

What if I fail?

I mean, at least if I kept her,

I could have been this
miserable single mom like you,

and everyone would feel sorry for me.

But now I'm actually gonna
have to do something.

It's gonna be okay.

You'll see.

Buckle up, Suzanne.

This is what you've got to look forward to.

I wouldn't work here
even if you did believe me!

I don't get it.

What am I doing wrong?

Come on, God, help me out here.

Give me a sign.

Hey!

Oh.

Okay.

A sign.

Building manager, building manager.

I think I've got a r?sum?
in here for that somewhere.

Go eat vomit.

Oh, good, you're home.

Yep.

I'm home.

I have good news.

You found my real mom?

Yes, she doesn't want to see you.

I got a job.

For money?

Even better.

They're paying you in keys?

No, I'm managing an apartment building.

They're paying me with a free apartment.

We have a home.

Don't mess with me.

Honest to God.

Oh, Mom!

That's incredible!

I know!

Wait, wait.

Do you know how to manage
an apartment building?

I do not.

That's okay! Let's jump again!