Mom (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 20 - Sick Popes and a Red Ferrari - full transcript

- Previously on Mom...
- Oh, my God. What happened?!

I threw my back out really bad.

How?

I was taking a shower,

I bent down to pick up the soap.

And?

That's it!

Marjorie?

Here, talk to Bonnie.

Yeah, hey, listen.

Um, I'm at the clinic. I hurt my back.



Doctor wants to give me pain pills.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

She wants to talk to you.

Hi.

No, she's not faking.

Okay. It's 11:00.

No more until 3:00 a.m.

Assuming I'm in pain.

Exactly. You might not even need it.

Look at us, being responsible with drugs.

Right? "Take as directed."

It's hilarious. (chuckles)

Where's your mother?

Um, out for the evening. Why?



She stole three of my cat's tranquilizers.

What? That's impossible.

I just refilled his prescription.

I know exactly how many were in here.

Maybe your cat has a drug problem.

(phone vibrating)

Hello?

BONNIE: Christy.

Where are you?

Uh... uh...

I'm in jail.

Oh, God.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I just got a D.U.I.

Can you come bail me out?

You know what, I'll come...
get you in the morning.

What? You're gonna leave me here?

Yeah. I am, Mom.

Christy, don't you da...

(engine starts)

- I am so mad at you!
- I am so mad at you!

- You're mad at me?!
- You're mad at me?!

- Yes!
- Yes!

All right, this is stupid. You go first.

How could you let me spend a night in jail?

How could you lie to me
about getting loaded again?

It's not my fault. I was
prescribed those painkillers.

I am the victim here.

- How'd you blow a one-one
on the Breathalyzer?

Easy! I was drinking to forget
I was hooked on painkillers!

All right.

I am gonna say just one more thing.

As one alcoholic to
another, I will support you

if you want to get sober again.

- Thank you. I appreciate...
- Let me finish.

But as your daughter...

And I say this with nothing but love...

You are dead to me.

Okay. Can I say something?

Sure.

First of all...

Lies!

At some point, we got to get
my car out of the impound lot.

Fat lot of good it'll do you
without a driver's license,

you stupid dumb-ass.

Oh, hell no.

We were so worried about you.

Poor baby.

Thank God you're okay!

Christy, get in here.

Oh, you don't want me anywhere
near her rib cage right now.

All right.

Bonnie, you have a choice to make.

You can either let us help you get sober,

or you can keep drinking and
using and end up back in jail,

a hospital or an early grave.

Well?

I'm thinking.

I want to get sober again.

- I-I really do.
- Great.

Now, you know, withdrawal from
painkillers can be challenging,

but we're here to support you
and make it as easy as possible.

'Cause God knows we want it to be easy.

- Christy.
- Sorry. I'm not a fan.

Wendy's a registered nurse,
so she can check your vitals,

make sure you're staying hydrated.

I didn't know you were a nurse.

I talk about it all the time at meetings.

Yeah, I-I don't really listen
to other people's shares.

Well, I am.

And just so you know,
if you start to convulse,

I can give you a light sedative.

Now, that I heard.

I offered to pay for you to spend a month

at my rehab in Malibu, but Christy said no.

What a hateful thing to do.

Thanks.

That's what I was going for.

Let's get you into some clean clothes.

Yeah, good idea.

Put a fresh coat of paint on that turd.

Why are you so angry?

You're kidding, right?

She screws up,

and everyone's treating
her like it's her birthday.

Ooh, that reminds me. I got her a cake.

Be right back. I got to pee.

(exhales)

Is this really necessary?

It is. Don't want you to have a stroke

or a massive heart attack
while you're detoxing.

Terrific. Sobriety's gonna kill me.

How's her blood pressure?

Great.

(quietly): I'll tell you later.

Okay, Bonnie,

pick what movie you want to watch.

I brought Steel Magnolias,

Fried Green Tomatoes

and Sisterhood of
the Traveling Pants.

(whispers): Traveling
Pants, Traveling Pants.

Wait, why does the drug addict get to pick?

Because when one of us stumbles,
we surround them with love.

Oh. (blows raspberry)

Why don't you make yourself useful

and take care of some of your mom's chores.

Maybe I don't want to be useful.

It's okay. She doesn't have to.

Damn right, I don't have to.

The to-do list is on the fridge.

I know where it is!

Let's watch Steel Magnolias.
I've never seen that before.

Julia Roberts dies.

Thanks for coming with me.

Sure. It's fun doing chores.

Feels like I'm working on a ranch.

Okay, first thing we have to
do is clear out the lint traps.

Great.

What's that?

In the dryer. See?

Ew, looks like the dryer's belly button.

I'll take care of it. You relax.

(groans)

This is ridiculous.

I have to do her work
while she gets coddled.

Were you this angry
with me when I relapsed?

Of course not.

Well, what's the difference?

You haven't been disappointing
me since I was born.

Yeah, well,

at least you still have a mother.

Mine died when I was 16.

Oh. Jill, I-I didn't know.

How'd she die?

She battled depression her whole life,

and then one day she just gave up,

drove her little red
Ferrari into the garage,

closed the door, and the
carbon monoxide did the rest.

Oh gosh

Yeah.

It was really hard to
drive that car after that.

I'll... bet.

But, you know,

it was a Ferrari, so I muscled through.

(loud snap)

(rat squeaking) Oh, no.

What's that?

Ugh, rat trap.

Damn it. It's still alive.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know. I hate to
see the poor thing suffer.

All right. Stand back.

What? Just move aside.

Holy crap!

Got him.

You... carry a gun?

Oh. This isn't really a gun.

This is a gun.

(instrumental music playing)

I don't get this movie.

What's not to get?

They're strong like steel
but soft like magnolias.

Okay, now I get it. I just hate it.

How you doing?

Ugh, I hope to God this is my bottom.

It's up to you.

Your bottom's when you
decide to stop digging.

Or when I beat you to death with my shovel.

Boy, I really did it this time, didn't I?

(sighs) Yep.

Christy hates me.

Give her time.

How much time?

I don't know. Maybe a year or two

if you don't do anything else stupid.

You're such a comfort.

Let's just get you through
this part right now.

We'll deal with you and Christy later.

Thank you for being so kind to me.

You're welcome.

Crazy old ladies were
kind to me when I was new.

I just don't feel like I deserve it.

(chuckles) Bonnie,

if people like us got what
we deserve, we'd all be dead.

Again, such a comfort.

(instrumental music playing)

(sobbing)

For God's sake, they're just having dinner.

Hey.

Hey. How'd it go?

Fine.

Where's my mother?

She's upstairs.

How's she doing?

Pretty bad.

Oh, good, I want to go see.

Just a head's up: don't piss off Jill.

Hi.

Hey.

Pretty rough, huh?

Awful.

Sweet.

You need anything?

Really?

Sure.

I haven't washed my hair for days.

Come on into the bathroom.

Thanks.

You see my funny note in the pill bottle?

Yeah, I left you a funny response.

Brought you more tea.

(water running)

Christy!

She has to be punished!

Here's the grocery list. Take your time.

- It would've grown back!
- Go.

Find everything you need?

Yeah.

Having a good day?

You bet.

Ooh, candles, bubble bath, ice cream...

Someone's spoiling themselves.

Actually it's for my mom.

Aw.

She's a drug addict who
just got out of jail.

Aw.

Chunky Monkey... That's
kind of my addiction.

I'm a Chunky Monkey junkie.

(laughs)

Yeah, funny.

(laughs)

What's your name? Kathy?

Let me tell you something, Kathy.

This world rewards bad
people. I don't know why.

Maybe God's a practical
joker, maybe there is no God,

maybe life is just about
getting boned every day

by an angry gorilla until you die.

Okeydokey.

Any coupons?

Actually, yeah, hold on.

Hi, I'm Marjorie and I'm an alcoholic.

OTHERS: Hi, Marjorie.

Well, I've been going
through a rough patch.

This last round of chemo
really knocked me out.

I haven't had any energy,

and every part of my body just hurts.

Hold that thought.

(retching)

But you know what?

I'll take cancer over
trying to get sober again.

Bonnie, are you okay?

Never better. (retches)

(clicks tongue)

That lucky duck's gonna
lose so much weight.

Poor thing, come on and lie down.

Come on, let's get you all cozy.

Yeah. Yeah. Drink this.

You're gonna be okay.

You're a steel magnolia.

Hey...

Are you kidding me?

She's having a hard time.

Sick popes don't get this much attention.

Christy, wait.

What?

I get that you're angry.

Oh, I am way past angry.

What do you want to do? You want
to just throw your mother away?

Yes. And then I want to
go to the new mommy store

and get one that works.

Come on back inside.

I better not. I know where Jill's gun is.

Where are you going?

To my happy place.

Happy place, my ass.

Cocktails?

Um...

Aw, just keep walking.

Would you like a card?

What do you think, Tracy?

I got 16 against a ten.

Book says take a card.

(mocking): "Book says take a card."

Hit me.

And there it is.

Would you like the rest of these
or should we play one more hand?

Okay, okay, I can work with that.

Blackjack.

I hate my mother!

Hey. Psst.

You done with this stupidity?

What?

Come on, get up.

Let's go down to the
park, score an eight ball.

Uh, I can't.

I-I'm trying to quit.

Oh, please, you're no quitter.

Besides, it'll be different this time.

From now on, we'll only
get high on the weekends.

Excuse me.

No one's going to be snorting any fat rails

while I'm here.

Oh, great.

Take the tooth, leave a
quarter, and get out of here.

Settle down, camel toe.

For the record, I am all that is good

about this wonderful woman.

Oh, yeah?

Well, if it wasn't for me,

she'd have never survived
being a foster kid.

I was always looking out for her.

(scoffs) You're the reason she
kept getting beat up in school.

That is true.

Hush, darling.

I was the reason she
reconciled with her daughter.

I'm the reason she had a daughter.

At age 17.

Oh, yeah, here comes the slut-shaming.

I've asked you not to use that
kind of language around me.

- Slut.
- Family.

- Slut.
- Friendship.

- Slut.
- Trust.

- Slut.
- Love.

- Slut.
- Understanding.

Slut.

Okay, everybody just
quiet down for a minute.

Hugs.

Stop it.

I-I feel like my head's gonna explode.

That's because you're sober, dummy.

You're not a dummy.

You're a very smart girl
with a promising future.

She's got no future.

Not if she listens to you.

Would everybody just shut up.

I... I can't think.

You're going down.

Talk to the wand.

BONNIE: The two of you
are driving me crazy!

- Just leave me alone!
- Mm. Arguing with people who aren't there.

Brings you back, doesn't it?

When I was detoxing, I remember having

a screaming fight with my dead mother.

Stewardess made me get
off the plane in Denver.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know if I should
keep getting loaded...

if I should get sober. I...

I give up. I...

Somebody help me, please, God, anybody!

(toilet flushes)

Ladies, I got this.

But I was just...

Bup-bup-bup.

I don't know why I can't stay.

It's okay.

We can do this.

Hi, I'm Christy, and I'm an alcoholic.

OTHERS: Hi, Christy.

(sighs)

I wasn't planning on
going to a meeting tonight,

but I'm broke and I wanted a cup of coffee.

Anyway, what's going on with me?

Okay, well, my mom relapsed on painkillers.

And I really don't know
what to do about it,

except get angry at her.

Which totally isn't helping,

but I guess it's better than being scared.

Hmm.

When I was a kid, I
was scared all the time.

'Cause, you know, if my mom wasn't okay,

I wasn't okay.

But I'm not a kid anymore, and...

I guess, if I'm sober...

I'm okay, no matter what she does.

Hot damn.

I wish I came here before I lost $800.

Hey.

Hey. How you feeling?

Better.

Yeah, me, too.

What's bothering you?

Seriously?

Oh. Yeah.

Sorry.

Go back to sleep.

Hey, who left the seat up?