Mom (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 18 - Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne - full transcript

Christy and Bonnie face temptation when Bonnie is prescribed pain medication for a back injury.

Hello? Mom!

Christy?

Can you help me with the groceries?

Help!

Yeah, I need your help!

No! I need your help!

'Cause your life's more
important than mine.

Damn it! Get your ass up here!

Well, I know what this is about.

Hurry!

Relax.



I splurged and got the kind the bears like.

Oh, my God! What happened?!

I threw my back out really bad.

How?

I was taking a shower.

I bent down to pick up the soap.

And?

That's it!

How did you get out of the shower?

I don't know. Gravity.

Should I call 911?

No, just get me to the bed.

Okay, well, can you stand up?

Do you think if I could stand
up, I might've done that by now?



Good point.

Oh! That's too much Mommy naked.

All right, well...

let's try this.

- Oh!
- Sorry!

- Ow!
- Sorry!

- Oh! Aah!
- Sorry!

How do you want to do this next part?

Rent a crane?

Pull me to my knees.

Okay, now what?

We take a break.

This is crazy!

Why don't I call a doctor?

- No!
- Why not?

I didn't sign up for ObamaCare, okay?

I forgot.

Now lift my ass

so it's parallel to the bed.

All right.

This reminds me of my eighth birthday.

What are you talking about?

You passed out at Chuck E. Cheese,

and me and the big rat had to
get you out of the ball pit.

That didn't happen.

Yeah, okay, and the rat wasn't
sitting at the breakfast table

when I came down in the morning.

You ready?

Uh... yeah.

On the count of three.

One...

What was that?!

I didn't want you to tense up.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay!

All right, well, do you
want to change into something

more comfortable than a shower curtain?

No! I like my shower curtain.

We've been through a lot together.

How about some aspirin?

Yeah, with a heroin chaser.

Here we go.

I'm not a dog!

Uh, okay.

I'm gonna go put the groceries away.

Is there anything else I can do?

Put a pillow over my
face and finish the job.

So tempting.

Mom,

it's gonna be okay.

No, it's not.

I have to pee.

Oh, hi, Candace.

Is Baxter around?

Ah, in the pool with Roscoe.

Isn't that nice?

No, I don't think I can
come by and take a dip.

Uh, actually, that's why I'm calling.

My mom threw her back out
last night, and I was wondering

if you could keep Roscoe
for another day or two.

Oh, thanks.

That-that really helps me out.

Yeah, sure.

I can see how he might get confused

as to where his real home is.

Hang on a second.

I hate you, you miserable cow.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Still not funny.

I really think we should
take you to the doctor.

I'm fine.

Mom, seriously, you need to...

I said I'm fine.

I just need some coffee.

- Would you like me to get it for you?
- No!

Gonna get it myself.

Okay.

But this is going on YouTube.

Welcome to Profiles in Courage.

Injured in a tragic
soap retrieval accident,

Bonnie Plunkett is now attempting

to live a normal life.

Let's watch.

Don't make me hurt you.

Oh, please try.

Please?

These simple tasks you
and I take for granted

require a heroic effort
from the plucky Plunkett.

Do we have any straws?

Top shelf.

Can I help you now?

Let me hear the words.

Help me!

Good.

Let's take you to the clinic.

Uh, uh, here we go.

Slowly.

Slowly, slowly.

Okay.

Oh!

Come on, Mom.

Everything's gonna be fine.

No, it's not!

I have to pee again!

Well, you really shouldn't
drink so much coffee.

I can't believe we have to
wait this long to see a doctor.

I think the bleeding people go first.

Fine, then stab me.

Mrs. Plunkett?

It's Ms.

He means me.

I'm the Ms. he means.

Hello.

Hi. All right.

Let's take a look here.

Do you want me to disrobe?

That's okay.

How about me?

What were you doing when
you injured your back?

Skiing.

She fell in the shower.

At the ski resort.

It's probably just a severe muscle spasm.

It happens to people your age.

There's the stab.

We'll take a few X-rays just to be sure.

But if everything looks okay,

we'll just send you home
with some pain pills.

Ooh! Ooh!

Problem?

I'm in recovery.

I have to be, uh, careful with that stuff.

So, do you not want me to... ? No, no.

I didn't say that.

Because stretching exercises could also...

Hang on. How do we do this?

I'll call Marjorie.

Oh, God! We know what she's gonna say.

Pills. P-I-L-L-S.

People In Life Losing Sobriety.

Hang on.

Marjorie?

Here, talk to Bonnie.

Yeah, hey, listen. Um...

I'm at the clinic. I hurt my back.

Doctor wants to give me pain pills.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

She wants to talk to you.

Hi.

No, she's not faking.

Hang on.

She wants to talk to you.

Hello?

One every four hours as needed for pain.

Hold on.

Back to you.

Yes, he is as hot as he sounds.

Okay, unless the phone's
gonna do another lap,

I'll go order the X-rays.

Bye. Bye.

Thanks, Marjorie.

Yeah, I understand.

Got it.

All right, I'll talk to you later.

She says it shouldn't be a problem

as long as you monitor
how many pills I take.

It's my tenth birthday all over again.

Okay, it's 11:00.

No more until 3:00 a.m.

Assuming I'm in pain.

Exactly. Might not even need it.

Look at us being responsible with drugs.

Right? "Take as directed."

It's hilarious.

Hey, baby. Miss me?

Coming to bed?

Coming.

'Cause I miss you.

Hi, I'm Bonnie. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Bonnie.

Thanks for bringing the meeting here.

The pain meds are helping a little,

but I still can't get out of the house.

Did they give you the 500
milligrams or the 750s?

750s.

God, why can't I be old
and fall in the shower?

Yeah, well, anyway, uh,
pills were never my thing,

so it's not a big deal.

Are you swallowing them
or are you snorting them?

I'm taking them as directed.

I don't understand.

She's following the doctor's orders.

And I'm proud of her.

Me, too.

Thank you.

Anyway, that's... that's all from me.

Thanks, Bonnie.

Who wants to go next?

Can we at least see them?

Who wants to go next?

I'll go.

Hi, I'm Christy. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Christy.

Okay, well, I'm glad my mom is

handling the pain pills so well,

'cause I got to tell you,

just having them in the house
is a little tricky for me.

When I was drinking and using,
those things were like candy.

Like M&M's without the calories.

Pills were always a way
for me to escape reality,

and lately it's been something
I've been kind of wanting to do.

Between my 19-year-old daughter

moving in with her middle-aged fianc?...

42.

Ew!

And my son who'd

rather spend his weekends with his father

and his rich new
girlfriend with the boob job

and the Botox and the lips and...

No offense.

And on top of that, there's work and school

and, you know, North Korea.

And it all goes away
with a couple of pills,

two bottles of red wine
and a big fat joint.

A big fatty.

But...

you know what else goes away?

My family, my freedom,

my friends.

Pretty much everything
that's important to me.

Anyway, I'm just glad you all came over.

It really helps to share.

Speaking of which, you're gonna love this.

Welcome to
Profiles in Courage.

All right, I'm going to work.

- Do you need anything?
- I'm fine.

Got my chips, got some tea, got my remote.

Do you need to go pee-pee?

No.

Okay, you can take
another pill in two hours

or as needed for pain.

You got it, boss.

See you later then.

And I like that.

Keep calling me that.

"As needed."

Well, let's see.

Okay.

Not there.

Oh, yeah, it's needed!

Hi, beautiful.

No.

Why you playing hard to get?

Oh, who am I kidding?

Don't do it, Bonnie!

Don't do it!

Hi, have you heard the good news?

I have not. Come on in.
Tell me all about it.

Um, okay.

Thanks.

Please, sit.

I'm Bonnie, by the way.

- Hi, Bonnie. I'm Cliff.
- And I'm Chip.

Of course you are!

So, tell me about your god.

Is he a big guy on a throne
or is he just everywhere?

Um, I like the everywhere idea.

Me, too. Up top.

Oh!

Okay, let's hear the pitch.

- Oh, okay, um, so your immortal soul...
- Oh!

Hold that thought.

I'm gonna rustle us up some pork chops.

Oh.

Does your god let you eat pork?

Uh, yeah.

Sign me up!

We are getting really good at this!

Okay, I like everything I'm hearing.

Love the angels, golden scrolls.

Forgiveness of sins...
Very big issue for me.

But here's a hypothetical.

Let's say I do something really bad.

And I'm not talking masturbation.

Everybody masturbates.

I'm thinking I kill a couple of guys.

What's your church's
forgiveness policy on that?

Wha... ?

What couple of guys you talking about?

I don't know. Anybody who pisses me off.

Ooh! Apple turnovers.

We've got to get out of here.

I left my Bible!

I'll get you another one!

Oh, hey.

Hey. How are you feeling?

Oh, not so good.

Sleeping on this couch
didn't do me any favors.

When was the last time you took a pill?

Ooh.

Not since you left.

Mom, don't be a hero.

Wait here. I'll go get you one.

Thanks.

Where'd this come from?

Do you need anything before I get into bed?

No, I'm doing pretty good over here.

How are you doing?

Well, I'll admit...

I was kind of wrestling with
these pills being around.

But sharing about it really helped.

Sure? 'Cause the minute those
things threaten your sobriety,

just say the word, I'll flush them.

Wow. You have changed so much.

I guess I have.

All right, good night.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

Now what?

Nothing. I just got to pee.

Good news.

Your X-rays look fine.

Oh, great! I'd hate to have
slipped a disk or something.

Help me down?

Oh, sure.

Thanks, Doc.

Ooh.

Still pretty tender, huh?

Yeah. No more snowboarding for this gal.

You know, I'm happy to
prescribe some pain medication.

Gosh, uh, I don't know.

As an athlete, I try to
stay away from that stuff.

Please, let me write you a prescription.

Eh... all right.

Make it for the 750s.