Mom (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Nudes and a Six-Day Cleanse - full transcript

(Christy crying)

(crying continues)

(Christy crying louder)

(groans, splutters)

I gotta pee, anyway.

So...

how's it going?

Sorry, I didn't mean
to wake you.

Yeah, you did.

What's going on?

What's going on is...



the Mitchells have been married
for ten years.

All right, you're gonna have to
connect the dots a little more.

I waited on the Mitchells
when they first got married,

and they come back every year
for their anniversary.

And tonight...

was their tenth anniversary.

You know what that means?

Need more dots.

I have been at that stupid
restaurant for ten years.

Oh, well, then happy anniversary
to you, too.

Waitressing was just supposed
to be a temporary thing

till I figured out what I wanted
to do with my life.

Same thing happened when
I sold knock-off handbags

at the flea market.



I thought... I'll do
this for a few months

to pay back my bail bondsman.

Next thing I knew,
I had 300 teenagers

working for me in China.

I wanted a career.

Not just a job.

What about going
back to school?

(sighs) I'd have
to get my GED first.

You never graduated
high school?

No.

Huh.

That doesn't reflect
well on me, does it?

Okay, no problem.

Take the test, get your GED.

What kind of career am I gonna
have with a high school diploma?

Fine, then your next step
is going to college.

Oh, yeah, right.

With all the
extra money we have,

I can go to college.

You can apply
for scholarships...

Will you stop trying
to fix the problem

and just listen to my feelings?!

Now I know
why men hate us.

Are we almost done here?

I have to pee.

Mom - 02x10
Nudes and a Six-Day Cleanse

Anyway, she's just afraid
she's gonna be a waitress

who lives with her mother
for the rest of her life.

Come on, that's not
gonna happen.

Damn right, it's not.

You're gonna have to
take her at some point.

Thank you.

(sighs)

How about we get some
ice cream, go see a movie?

I don't know.
It's pretty late.

It's 8:15, Alvin.

Like I said,
it's pretty late.

Come on!

What happened to you?

When we were kids, we wouldn't even
start the night till 11:00, 12:00.

Yes, well, we were young,

full of life and hope
and cocaine.

I'll order you a
double espresso.

Yeah, but then I'll be
up all night.

So? We can fool around
when we get home.

You want to go
to a late movie and have sex?

What, am I Superman?

Forget it.

We can still stop
for ice cream.

I just need to swing
by the Rite Aid

and pick up something to help me
process the dairy.

While you're in there,

get me a couple of D batteries
and a men's fitness magazine.

Hi, I'm Steve,
I'm an alcoholic.

ALL: Hi, Steve.

I've been sober nine months
and 16 days.

(laughing): I know, right?

Miracle!

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good.

Uh, the California
Bar Association

has reluctantly agreed
to let me practice law again.

Got a couple of new clients,

and a pretty cool desk
I found behind a church.

So, all in all,
things are looking up.

Oh, and I...

I don't know this is ap,

but, uh... what the hell?

If anyone here's
going through a divorce,

or has slipped and fell
in a large chain store,

I'll be over by the cookies
after the meeting.

Thanks.

WOMAN: Okay, that's all the time
we have for sharing today...

I liked your share.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, I've been thinking about
making some changes in my life.

Is there any chance I
could talk to you sometime

about how you
became a lawyer?

Sure.

Want to grab
a coffee after?

That'd be great.

My treat.

No, no, no, no,
I got it.

I guess... ever since
I was a kid,

I felt that it was so unfair how
some people got treated worse

just 'cause they
didn't have money.

And I always wanted to do
something about it, you know?

Be the kind of lawyer who
helps them get a fair shake.

You know what we call
lawyers like that?

Poor.

All right, well, then
I've got that part down.

My main worry is...
am I too late?

Is it crazy for me to
try this at my age?

Not at all.

You're smart, you're motivated,

and a guy could just drown
in those eyes.

Excuse me?

So where'd you go
to college?

Um, I haven't exactly
done that, yet.

- High school?
- I never finished.

I was a little too "high"
for the "school" part.

It's actually one of
my biggest regrets.

Uh-huh.

Steve?

Right here.

Yeah, so listen, I know
that I have to get my GED

and get my college degree...

Right, and then you're looking
at three years of law school.

So, seven years, bam,
you're a lawyer.

I'm a working single mom.

I couldn't go
to school full-time.

So, ten years, bam,
you're a lawyer.

Oh, my God.

The Mitchells will have been
married 20 years.

The Mitchells?

Oh, they're this nice couple
I wait on at my restaurant.

Well, if you stick with it,

maybe, when their marriage falls
apart, you can handle their divorce.

I'd like that.

Goes without saying
you want to represent the wife.

Sure!

Well, if you want
some on-the-job training,

why don't you come to my office
a couple hours a week

and give me a hand?

Oh, that'd be great.
Thank you.

- Let me get this.
- (laughing): Don't be ridiculous.

This is on the house.

Waiter, got
a problem here!

Okay, when I click enter,

I will be officially signed up
to take my GED test.

My first step
to becoming a lawyer

and changing
my life forever.

What are you
waiting for?

To be honest,
I'm a little scared.

- Want me to do it for you?
- No!

This is my
button to click.

This is the first step
on my journey.

No one can take it
for me.

Hey!

I really want to
play Minecraft.

(doorbell rings)

BONNIE:
I got it!

Hey!

This is a nice
surprise.

What's up?

You got me thinking
the other night

about how we don't party
like we used to,

and I thought maybe
I could do something about it.

- Like what?
- Like tomorrow night,

you and I have tickets
to see your favorite band

from the '70s.

- The Rolling...
- Aerosmith!

Aerosmith!

Oh, my God, Alvin,
this is amazing.

Do you realize I haven't been
to a rock concert sober since...

Uh, you know, I'm gonna
have to go with never.

Here we are.

As you can see, I'm not real
good at organizing my files.

Yeah.

How'd you get
through law school?

Methamphetamines
and an Asian roommate.

Work late a lot?

Uh, that and I kind of
live here.

So, anyway, if you could
put all this...

away...

so that I could find it again,
that would be awesome.

You got it.

(stutters)
Hang on a sec.

Just got to...

clear out these dead soldiers.

Thank you for your service,
fellas.

Do you want me to file
these alphabetically?

By date? Type of case?

Yes.

Uh...

"Roxy versus
Nudes Nudes Nudes."

What's this

Uh, oh, that, uh...

Roxy, not her real name, is,
uh, suing Nudes Nudes Nudes,

a gentlemen's club
by the airport

with surprisingly
good chicken wings.

Yeah, yeah, but what's
the suit about?

Uh, if I recall correctly,

it is Roxy's contention...
my word not hers...

that Nudes Nudes Nudes is
paying her below minimum wage

by incorrectly claiming that she
is an independent contractor.

Oh.

Interesting.

Does a place like that tell her
what hours she has to work?

(scoffing): Yes, in fact, she was very
disappointed to be working breakfast.

Okay.

Do they tell her what to wear?

It's called "Nudes Nudes Nudes,"
not "Pants Pants Pants."

And, uh, when she does
a lap dance,

do they tell her
what she can charge?

Yeah.

I'm guessing.

She sounds like
a regular employee to me.

Yeah, she does, doesn't she?
Let me see that.

Hadn't actually read this, yet.

I was just looking
at the pictures.

I gotta tell you,

you ask smart questions,
Christy.

Thanks.

Yeah, I mean,
it may take a while,

but I don't see any reason

why you couldn't be
a lawyer someday.

Oh... Steve...

that is exactly the kind
of encouragement I need.

Hey.

Yeah, hey, back off.

What was I thinking?

(sighs)
Christy, wait.

(sighs)
Jerk.

Hey.

Hey.

Listen, uh, my
schedule opened up,

so you don't have to
watch Roscoe on Saturday.

What about your
GED thing?

Yeah, I'm not
gonna do that.

Yes, I just won 20 bucks
from Grandma.

You bet that I wouldn't
take the test?

Why would you do that?

Oh, come on, Mom.

You always say you're gonna
do stuff, and then you don't.

That's not true.

Name one thing.

Except for the blog
I was gonna start,

my line of sober greeting cards
and that six-day cleanse.

Come on, name one.

What happened to
becoming a lawyer?

It was a stupid dream.

I can't do it.

That weirdo Steve said
you could.

He didn't mean it.

He just wanted
to date me.

And I'm only using
the word "date"

because you're
my daughter.

What do you expect?

Men suck.

Sweetie, you're too young
to be that cynical.

There are lots of
wonderful men...

Oh, God, I can't
even fake it.

Well, I think
you're being a chicken.

And I only use the word "chicken"
because you're my mother.

Look, it's over.

You said it yourself...
I quit things.

It's how I roll.

Mom, wait.

I shouldn't have said that.

You don't quit everything.

You stayed sober.

You know,

Violet, when you open
your heart to me...

Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no-no,
too much. I'm done, good-bye!

(low, indistinct chatter)

- Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
- What?

Alvin,

we're the youngest
people here.

No.

Wait, let me take a look.

Wow, we are.

That woman over
there is knitting.

Oh, God.

I am so depressed.

No, no, no...
200 bucks a ticket.

No one's depressed.

Besides, there are
young people here.

Look at the guys
at the front of the stage.

That's security.

Really? Who here's
gonna rush that stage?

Maybe they're there to catch
the band if they fall.

You want a hit?

Can't. Sober.

Have to. Cancer.

(sighs, sputters)

- You okay?
- Yeah. I guess.

Why do I feel like I've
done something wrong

when I haven't done
anything wrong?

Have I done something wrong?

No, forget it.

Bonnie, everyone gets old.

You saw Steven Tyler.
Dude looks like a raisin.

(chuckles)

It's not just about growing old.
It's that...

we didn't get
to do it together.

We lost so many years.

(shuts engine off)

Okay. How 'bout this?

We forget about
what we don't have

and we focus on
what we do have.

What do we have?

The future.

I'd like to spend the
rest of my life with you.

- You would?
- I would.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Mmm.

Now what do you say we hop in the
backseat and see what happens?

Really?

You want to feel young,
you got to act young.

(chuckles)

Let's do it.

Yeah? Okay. Yeah.

(chuckles)

All right.
Here we go.

- You know what?
- Yeah.

- Let's just use the doors.
- Thank you.

Oh. Evening, Officer.

What's going on in here?

What's it look like?

We just came from a concert;
feeling a little romantic.

Really? Don't you think
you're a little old for this?

Who you calling old?

It's fine, Bonnie.

Thanks, Officer.
We'll be on our way.

What a douche!

Excuse me?

You heard me.

One more word
and the cuffs come out.

That's better.

Word!

(rapid knocking)

Oh, God, are you suing me?

No.

Now, listen,
I gave it some thought,

and I decided that I don't
need you to believe in me.

I believe in me.

I do believe in you.

No, you just want
to get in my pants.

Not "just"... "in addition to."

Yeah. Whatever.

Now here's how it's gonna go:

I am coming back
to work for you,

and I am gonna learn my ass off.

And you are gonna leave
said ass alone.

And...

I feel like I need
to say one more thing,

so...

that painting is
very disturbing!

Are you done?

Um... yes.

I rest my case.

I'm really sorry.

It won't happen again.

Good.

And just so you know,

I called the lawyer
for Nudes Nudes Nudes,

and I laid out your argument.

- You did?
- Yeah.

And they want to settle.

They're gonna give Roxy
12 grand in back pay,

which will probably go straight up
her nose, but the fact is we won.

"We"?

Yeah. You and me.
We're a team.

I mean,
only one of us gets paid,

seeing as you're an independent
contractor, but...

I don't care! That's great!

We won our first case!

Oh...

God, I want to hug you,

but I'm afraid
you'll take it the wrong way.

It's okay. I can handle it.

(chuckles)

Nope, can't handle it.

Who cares...

(phone ringing)

Uh, hang on.

Hey, Mom.

What do you mean you're in jail?

Why didn't you get a motel room?

All right, all right, all right,
I'm on my way.

(sighs)
Put some clothes on.

We got our second case.

And I'll save us some time...
she's guilty.

I am so disappointed
in the two of you.

I mean, what
were you thinking?

He's the one
who parked the car.

She's the one
that mouthed off to the cop...

I don't want to hear it.

I am working two jobs

and I have to drop everything
to come bail you out of jail?

(sighs) I should've left you there, so
you could think about what you did.

(quietly):
Feel young now?

(quietly):
Yeah, this is pretty awesome.

Oh...

so now you're kissing?

Do I need to
separate you two?

Mom, come sit
up here with me.

Now!

Don't make me pull this car over!