Mom (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 15 - Fireballs and Bullet Holes - full transcript

- So, Marjorie...
- Mm?

How's it going with the...

[quietly] ...chemo?

Why are you whispering? Are you
afraid the cancer will hear you?

Fine.
How's it going with the chemo?

Oh...

It's great fun.

I can't believe I waited
this long to try it.

Actually, my doctor says
I'm responding well to treatment.

Oh!
That's good news.

- We should celebrate.
- Yeah.



Let's start by getting you a new wig.

- Mom.
- Oh, please.

It's like a fat, gray
squirrel died on her head.

This is my real hair, Bonnie.

Oh.

I need to go pee-pee.

So you're...
feeling good, then?

- Can we talk about something else?
- Okay.

- Here's a biggie.
- Mm-hmm.

You know how Bonnie always said
that she didn't know

- who my real father was?
- Mm-hmm.

Well... turns out she did.
And I got to meet him.

What?!

We had to sit here and
listen to your mother



ramble on for 20 minutes
about anal bleaching,

and you have this?

- Tell me everything.
- There's not much to tell.

I didn't actually tell
him I was his daughter.

- Why not?
- I don't know.

I guess I chickened out.

So is that it?

[sighs]

I'm not sure.

I mean, I'd like to talk
to him about everything,

but I'm afraid, you know?

I mean, this guy totally
screwed my Mom over.

What if I like him?
How is that not going to hurt her?

Oh, honey,

it's great that you're
concerned about your mother,

but you can't make this decision
based on how she might feel.

- You think?
- Oh, please.

Your mom can take care of
herself; she's an adult.

Score!
The tampon machine was broken.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

1x15 - "Fireballs and Bullet Holes"

Alvin: I swear to God, if those
tools don't magically reappear

by the end of the day,
I'm gonna gut you like a fish!

Now get out of here, you friggin' thief!

May I help you?

No, that's okay.

I'll come back when
you're not pissed off.

Oh, you don't want to
wait that long. Come on in.

- Okay. Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

I don't know if you remember me.
I was here a while back.

- '91 Volkswagen Jetta.
- Wow. Good memory.

Yeah, for cars.
And stolen tools!

What can I do you for?

Well, when last here,
I failed to mention,

um, certain facts...

Oh! Fireballs.
You like Fireballs?

- Yeah.
- So do I. It's weird, huh?

Not really.
Probably a few million of us.

I'm sorry, miss, it's
just, I'm a little busy...

Bonnie Plunkett.

Bonnie.

Yeah.
Um... I'm her daughter.

- Oh, my God.
- I'm your daughter.

Yeah, yeah, I got that.

- You're the reason I'm short.
- I know how it works.

I didn't know any other way to do this.

No, it's okay.

Uh... it... so, uh...

- I'm sorry, what is your name?
- Christy.

Christy.

- Uh... how did you find me?
- My Mom actually found you.

- So she's alive?
- Yeah, of course.

Well, if you knew her when I
knew her, that is not a given.

Wow, okay.
Look at you, you're all grown up.

Yep.

- Man: Hey, Alvin, I found those...
- Get out!

I'm sorry, I got a lot
of ex-cons working here.

I can't close my eyes for a second.

So, Christy...
what brings you here?

- Seriously?
- Yeah, stupid question.

Listen, I don't want anything.

I was just thinking
that maybe we could...

get to know each other.

Yeah, that-that's not gonna happen.

- It's not?
- I can't do it, honey.

No, I-I got a family...
a wife and kids.

This thing here with
you, me and your mom...

- that's a non-starter.
- Oh.

- Wow.
- Yeah, I'm really sorry.

It's all right.
I should go.

Just so you know, I turned
out to be a wonderful person!

Got my temper.

I mean...

I dreamt about that
moment my entire life,

and the man could barely
look me in the eye.

I felt so stupid.
So... worthless.

- I have one question.
- Yeah?

What did I ever do
to make you hate me?

- What?
- You drive all the way to Chico

to see that little weasel
and you don't tell me?!

Mom, please, can I
just have five minutes

where we make it about me?

- All I'm saying is...
- Two minutes! Give me two!

Look, I'm sorry, but I'm a
human being and I have feelings.

Are you?
Do you?

Oh, my God, I have no parents.

I'm officially an orphan.

Little Orphan Christy.

[sighs]

Don't be so dramatic.
You get that from him, you know.

- I get nothing from him!
- And yet you want him in your life,

disregarding how it impacts on me.

Excuse me, lady?
Do you know where my Mother is?

Because I really need to talk to her
about something important!

- Knockity-knock.
- To be continued...

- You guys have fun at the park?
- You tell her.

- What happened?
- Nothing.

We were tossing the football,
I told him to go long and...

neither one of us saw the tree.

Oh, Baxter...

I know, I'm stupid,
I'm-I'm a screwup...

No. You're a great dad.

- I am?
- You're here, aren't you?

Just go with it.

Thank you.

Oh! Here's his tooth.

How's everything going here?

- Enjoying your dinner?
- It's wonderful.

- What about your food, honey?
- Mm-hmm.

Great.

[quietly] Special ocasion?

Do we need a... birthday cupcake?

Oh, no, no. We're just
having a little "daddy date."

[chuckles]

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, we do it once a month.

You know, give Mom a
night off. Catch up.

[choked up] Well...

- Isn't that terrific?
- Yeah, I love it.

If I wasn't so busy,
I'd do it every week.

Every week?
What a... [sniffles]

- ...good dad you are.
- Thanks.

And you...
you are such a lucky girl.

Okay.

- No! Not okay!
- Whoa...

It's wonderful, wonderful thing
and you need to cherish your daddy!

All right, let's not ruin her birthday.

It's not her birthday!
They do it every month!

[knocking]

Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?

- You a bill collector?
- No.

- Subpoena?
- No.

- Are we being evicted again?
- No. What do you mean, "again"?

Never mind.
She's not here.

Oh, okay.
You, uh, you must be her daughter.

Listen, pal, we're not
joining your church.

I'm not... Forget it.
I'll come back another time.

Whatever.
[dang]

Wow, my granddaughter's a joy.

What do you want?

Hi. Uh, I-I was hoping we could talk.

There's nothing to talk about.

No, no, wait. Christy,
give me a chance! Please!

[door opens]

Hang on.

I want you to buy me an ice cream cone.

Two scoops.

And a bicycle...
and a Barbie Dream House.

- How about a pony?
- I'm not a child.

Is it good?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, pistachio is my
favorite flavor, too.

Really?

No, I was just trying
to make a connection.

Listen, Christy, I'm really sorry
about how I acted back at the garage.

- You just caught me by surprise.
- Okay.

And as far as what went
down with me and your mom

when you were born...
Geez, I-I don't know what to say.

What kind of a man abandons his
newborn baby on Christmas Eve?

Well, in my defense,
God did that to Jesus.

- Good-bye.
- No, no, I'm sorry, I'm...

The answer to your question
is that I was a very stupid...

very selfish,
very frightened young man,

and I'm not that man anymore.

- Did you ever think about me?
- Every day.

And then after a few years,
I had to stop.

I don't know... it was too painful.

And by painful, I mean shameful.

[sighs]

- So... now what?
- Well, like you said,

I thought maybe we could
get to know each other.

Yeah...
that's not gonna be so easy.

- Why not?
- You really did a number on my Mom.

I don't see you and I having
any kind of relationship

until you make things right with her.

Yeah, that makes sense.
How's she doing now?

She's actually doing great.
Really got her life together.

Terrific. Where do I
get in touch with her?

She's living on my couch.

Yeah.
The worst part about the chemo

is it makes me so tired.

You know, it just drains
me of all my energy.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

So chemo's kind of like talking to you?

Oh, I'm sorry if you find my
desperate fight for life boring.

Apology accepted.

So did Christy tell you
about meeting her father?

Yeah. I thought it was
great they reconnected.

Wow!
Anything to hurt me.

What are you talking about?

Do I need to walk you through it again?

That rat-bastard dumped me and
Christy the minute she was born.

No, I get it. You're angry.

Angry? I want to cut the son of
a bitch from throat to scroat!

Oh, Bonnie, you have to let that go.

Oh, Marjorie, I most certainly do not.

Well, it's your choice,
but holding on to anger

is like drinking poison and
expecting it to kill the other person.

Why do I even talk to you?

You finally have a good
relationship with your daughter.

If you stay angry at her
father, it could ruin that.

[sighs]

I hate you.

- And I love you.
- Stop that.

Love you, love you, love you.

Seriously, I will wring whatever
life you have left out of you!

[car door closes]

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things

I cannot change and the courage...

not to set this evil
dwarf on fire. Amen.

[knocking]

Coming!

[clears throat]

Gee, I was starting to
think you'd never come back.

- Hi, Bonnie.
- You're losing your hair.

It's not lost, it's just in my ears.

- Thanks for agreeing to see me.
- My pleasure. Please come in.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Can I, uh,
get you something to drink?

No, thanks. I just had three
beers sitting in the car.

- Needed a little liquid courage, did you?
- Yeah, it didn't really work.

I just need to pee really bad.

If you like, I could
tie it in a knot for you.

It's okay, I'll hold it.

Come, sit.
Say what you have to say.

All right.
I guess I'll just jump right in.

- I know what happened was...
- You know, I'm sorry.

I can't listen to this.

You left me with a one-day-old
baby and 18 bucks in my jeans.

There is nothing you could say
that could ever make that right.

- I know. What I did was...
- You burned me so bad

I could never let
another man near my heart!

- Believe me, when we broke up...
- There was no breaking up!

Breaking up is fighting
and splitting up your albums

and maybe one hot,
angry good-bye bang!

What you did
was abandon me when I was

the most vulnerable I've
ever been in my entire life!

- I'm-I'm not defending it...
- Yeah, because you can't!

And just so we're clear,
the only reason you are sitting here

is because my daughter
wants to get to know you,

and I'm not gonna stand
in the way of that.

- I really appreciate...
- Shut up!

But if you hurt that little girl,
I will hunt you down

and I will kill you
and everything you love.

I think I just peed a little.

Well, I think I found
what the problem is.

What is it?

Your engine has like, uh,
800,000 miles on it.

- Think it's time to trade it in?
- For what, a sandwich?

I'll keep working on it.

- This is nice, spending time with you.
- Yeah, it is.

- Is it okay if I call you Dad?
- I don't see why not.

Okay.

Dad.

[chuckles]

So...
when do I get to meet your family?

- Ow!
- Oh, my God.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I just rang the bell a little.

[exhales]

Uh... well...

I, uh...
haven't yet told them about you.

- What are you waiting for?
- Uh, tell you the truth,

I was waiting till I
was on my death bed.

What are they gonna do,
unplug me?

So, what, I'm supposed to
introduce myself to them

- at your funeral?
- That works for me.

I liked you a lot better when
you were in my imagination.

Come on, Christy.
My family thinks I'm a good guy.

I-I just don't know how to tell them

- that wasn't always the case.
- I understand.

I already ruined your life once,
I wouldn't want to do it again.

- Now, come on, now.
- No, that's okay.

Just... go home to
your happy little family

- and forget about me.
- You got to give me some time.

I gave you 35 years!

Ah.
Violet, Roscoe.

This spineless son of
a bitch is your Grandfather!

Call me Papa.

[sighs]
[somber music playing over TV]

God, this is so sad.

I can't believe they killed
that poor old dog.

I know.

You talk to Marjorie lately?

It scares me,
the way your mind works.

[horn honks outside]

- You expecting anybody?
- Nope.

[sighs]

What do you think?

- What do I think of what?
- Your new car.

You're kidding me.

No, no.
I got it at a police auction.

Cleaned it up.

Look at that door.
Can't even see the bullet holes.

[sighs]

It's nice.
But you can't buy me with a car.

Okay.

How about if I throw in
a couple of slightly used brothers?

- Hey, sis.
- 'Sup?

Hi.

- You told them?
- Yeah.

No more secrets.
I want you in my life.

- Where's your wife?
- She's still processing the information.

At her sister's in Albuquerque.

She's totally pissed;
tried to stab him.

All right.

How about we take it for a ride

and you get to know
your brothers better?

Oh, my God, oh, my God...
my God!

Ah.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey. - Hi.

Oh. That smell.
[engine starts]

[sighs]

Let go of the anger,
'cause it's poisoning you.

[breathes deeply]

Nah, I don't think so.