Modern Family (2009–…): Season 6, Episode 16 - Connection Lost - full transcript

Claire is stuck in an airport trying to get a hold of Haley after having a heated argument. However she can't get a hold of her, so she starts to call Phil, Mitchell and cam and jay. However a long the way she discovers that she is half way to Vegas with andy and she bought a "what to expect when you are expecting" book. Phil and Claire assume the worst. (That andy got her pregnant and so decided to run off to Vegas and get married). However, Hayley was at home all the time. She was hanging out with andy and left her phone in his car and the next day he was travelling to Vegas to see a wedding so that is why it looked like she was in Vegas. She naught the book because her new boss wanted to start designing maternity cloths, so in order for him to do that they needed to get in the mind of pregnant people.

English Subtitles.
[MP4] Modern Family S06E16 (720p) Connection Lost - Web-DL [KoTuWa]
HI Removed

What's the best
first-person shooter

About genetically modified
space marines?


Honey, have you been
playing your new little
video game all day?

When you say it in that tone,
it implies that Luke and I

Haven't been spending
quality time together.

Which we have.
Can I talk to him?

Sure thing. Luke!

I don't think he's here.
I mean, I-I know he's not here.

Where is he?

I am certain he is probably out
with his usual crew of cut-ups.

You're not doing laundry,
are you?

God, no. But I'm about to
if I'm supposed to.

No, no.
Don't. Don't.

But can you vacuum out the
dryer vent before I get home?

I will absolutely do that.


I can't get in touch
with Haley.

I haven't talked to her
since we got in that fight.

She around?

I think she slept
at a friend's house.

What friend?

Um... Not a normal name,

Starts with a vowel,
possibly foreign.

Oh, maybe Alex knows.
Is she home?

I have not seen her for hours.

Does Haley know an arjibarge?

Hi, mom.
Hi, honey.
Where are you?

I'm in the kitchen.

When'd you get home?

I've been here all day.

Oh. You should get outside,
get some fresh air.

It's a beautiful morning.

It's noon,
and it's freezing out.

Phil, honey,
when I'm not home,

I need you to be present
and keep track of everyone.

Sounds good.
Love you, too.

Alex, do you know
where Haley is?


I mean, I know she was
babysitting Lily last night,

But I haven't seen her

By the way, don't read the draft
I sent you last night

Of my college essay.
I just sent you a new version.

Uh, okay. I will go read
that one right now.

Oh, my god. What are you doing?
Are you filming me?

Yes! I want you to see
how crazy you are acting.

Me?! I come to talk to you
about something important,

And then you start chasing me
around with a Camera!

I asked you to clean up
the kitchen nine hours ago

When I left for work.

I come back,
and it's the exact same mess,

Plus pickles
and peanut butter!

I was running around doing stuff
for my crazy boss all day,

And then I got hungry,

And then the smell from the
garbage almost made me throw up!

That's exactly how I feel!

Leave me alone!
I have a lot on my plate!

Yes. Yes, I can see that, honey.
You left it in the sink!

Oh, my god!

I waited in line for two hours,
but I got it.

Ooh, we making a home movie?

...Captions by vitac...

Captioning provided by
20th century fox television
and abc, inc.

And brought to you by ford.
Beautiful things happen
when you go further.


Hey, dad. Dad, take the phone
away from your ear.

Why would I do this?
Now I can't hear you.

Put it
in front of your face.

How'd you get in my phone?

Does this mean
when we talked the other day

That you knew
I was in the can?
I do now.

How was the presentation?
Actually went really well.

The client loves
the whole re-design.

They just want us
to swap out the handles...

Damn it!
I know.

Only knobs want knobs.

No, Joe bit me.
He's teething.

I don't think it's a coincidence
that andy took the weekend off.

Kid's like a beaver.

I'm afraid
to wear short pants.

Hola, Claire.
Hey, Gloria.

How's your trip?
Are you having any fun?

Uh... Yeah. You know,
it's a little windy, but, eh.

So, you're okay with me
cutting Luke's hair, right?

Hey, mom.
Well, hello.

It's nice to know you're not
dead in an alley somewhere.

Right back at you.

Yes, I am fine with you
cutting his hair.

Just don't leave it too long
on the sides.

I am very good
cutting boys' hair.

You should let me
cut yours someday.

Okay, bye-bye, Gloria.

You still there?

Crap. Dad, did you know it was
Mitchell's birthday today?

Of course.
I already called him

I'm a considerate person

Who really cares
about his family.

I reminded him
and dialed the phone.

Fly safe.

And remember you can recline.
It's still america up there.

Thanks, dad.

Happy birthday!

Oh, hey.
Is it still my birthday?

Watch it,
or I'll sing to you.

? Ha... ?
okay, okay, I give.

So, have you had a good day?

Yes, thank you.

Uh, Lily, she made me her famous
chocolate-chip scrambled eggs...

...Which she then
watched me eat.


You got my present,
didn't you?

Darn it. They promised
it would be there on time.

Oh, well,
I can't wait to open it

And check the date
on the invoice.

Hey, is that Claire?

Hi, Claire!

Hi. Hey, uh, did you, uh,
show her my gift yet?


Come on,
show her, show her.
Okay. Yeah.

It's good.

shalom and chh-appy birthday.

I know, right?

Isn't it fantastic?

Hey, Claire, did you get me
some garrett's cheese

And caramel corn yet?
Oh, shoot, I forgot.

It's the one thing
you had to do in chicago!

You are so right.

I'm sorry that I let myself
get distracted by my job.

Okay, I'm looking for sweet
and salty, Claire, not bitter.

Relax, Cam.

I'm sure there's a kiosk
around here that sells it.


Guys, listen, yesterday,
did Haley mention

Where she was gonna go
after she babysat for Lily?

No, but when you do talk to her,
can you tell her

To please be careful
with my powder-blue suit

That Cam let her borrow
without asking me?

Why did she want a suit?

A friend of hers needs it
for a wedding,

And Mitchell needs to stop
dressing like he's in
a barbershop quartet.

Lily, honey,

Did Haley say where she was
going when she left here?

Who wants to know?
Aunt Claire.

Hey, aunt Claire. I heard
you were being mean to Haley.

I was not mean to Haley.

Okay, you're screaming.

I don't know where she went.
Maybe dylan knows.

Why would dylan know?

He Came over, and they were
talking on the couch

While I was
in the other room...


She's still talking to dylan?

Oh, wait, guys,
I got to go.

Uh, happy birthday,

What does she mean
by that?

Hi, honey.

Oh, don't read
that last draft.

I just changed something
in paragraph three.

Oh, oh, that's too bad.

Paragraph three had
some of my favorite...

Oh, please, I can see your eyes
darting around the screen.

Just read the new one.

Can you just do me a favor
and call your sister?

If she's screening,
I'm not making the cut.

Why don't you just snoop
on her facebook page

With your fake profile?

I don't have
a fake profile.

Mom, save it.
Brody kendall just logged in.

That trick might've worked
on Haley,

But I know that's a picture
of chachi.

Oh, my god.

Please tell me
that's some kind of mistake!

Which paragraph?

Get your father... now!

Dad, mom needs you!

Tell her
I'm in the shower!

Honey, who do we call?
What do we do?

There's no way
Haley's married.

Then why did she
change her facebook status?

She probably didn't.

It could be a computer glitch,
someone hacked her account.

I just think we should stay calm
until we know the story.

Honey, I cannot get on a plane
for four hours

And be out of touch
and not know what happened!

It's not just
the facebook thing.

She borrowed a blue suit
from Mitchell for a wedding.

Something borrowed,
something blue?
Do you get it?

Who would she even marry?

I don't know, but she was
with dylan yesterday,

And if she was gonna
marry him,

She would definitely hide that
from us.

But that makes no sense.
Why wouldn't he call me?

Oh, hey, mrs. "D."
hey, dylan!

Oh, hi, mr. "d"!

Are you with Haley?
In what way?

Physically, romantically,

No. I'm at work.
I have a career now.


Hey, uh, can you hold this phone
for a second?

So, you have no idea
where Haley is right now?

You mean spiritually,

Can you please stop
spinning that sign?

My boss says if I do,

He'll replace me
with one of those guys!

Go back
to where you Came from!

Dylan, focus!

I don't know where she is,
but I can sense that she's okay.

It's like
we share the same brain.

Who has it now?

Okay, so, last night
when you were with her,

She didn't say anything
about getting married?

Haley got married?!
That's so upsetting!


Hi, mom.

Do you have Haley's
icloud password?

Yeah, she gave it to me
in a little envelope

With her diary key and a list
of things she's most afraid of.

Maybe we could guess it.

you accidentally hung up on me.

Oh, yeah, well, honey,
you know me and computers.

Mom's trying to guess
Haley's icloud password,

Which, personally, I think
is an invasion of her privacy.

Ooh, try "password."

I'm kind of glad
that didn't work.

Wait, I think I remember
telling her to use something

That people wouldn't know
about her,

Like her favorite
literary character.

I'm in!

What? What was it?


And that could be
your new nickname.

"find my iphone."

Oh, no!
She's in vegas.

Are you serious?

Oh, hang on. I'm zooming in.
Hold on, hold on.

Let me see what I can,

Come on.

And... oh, god!

Honey, she's at
a wedding chapel!

Okay, that's troubling,
but think about it.

If she's not with dylan,
who would she be marrying?

I don't know! Alex, she had to
have told you something!

Okay, you are really rubbing in
our lack of closeness.

She won't even tell me
what conditioner she uses.

I have 12 minutes!

Uh... I don't know.
Ask uncle Mitchell.

They're always giggling
about boys.

Oh! Oh, good!
Okay, yes, I'm gonna do that.

I'm calling him.

If it helps, I can alert my
magician contacts in vegas.

Although, they are better
at making girls disappear

than they are finding them.


Lily, honey,
I need you get Mitchell.

But they said I could have
20 minutes of ipad time.

Mitchell? Mitchell?!

Hey, what's up?

Uh, I-I really need to
talk to Mitchell.

It's my ipad time!

Honey, what did I tell you
about being selfish?

Aunt Claire needs to
speak to other daddy

Just as soon
as she gets me my popcorn.

What? You... Cam, I promise you,
I will get you your popcorn,

But right now,
I need to talk to Mitchell!

Okay, cheese and caramel.

And carmel.

Hey, what's up?

So, I'm pretty sure that Haley
is getting married in vegas.


Yeah, I need to know
who she's been dating.

Um, t-there was this one guy
who she thought

That she might like,
but, uh, I don't know.

She was weirdly secretive
about him,

But I-I g... I guess
that could still be thing.

Oh, hang on, hang on...
Getting a call from dad.

Do the thing.

Do the cute thing.



What are you doing
in my phone?
You called me, dad.

No, I didn't.
I'm shooting a video with Joe.

Am I in your kitchen
with you?

Then you're not shooting a video
with Joe.

Hi, Jay! Claire, was just
about to go run an errand!

Are you kidding me?!

Okay, for god sakes.

Would you mind watching my
computer for me for a minute?

- Thank you so much.
- Of course, dear.

Hey, mitch,
I'm liking the new hat.

It gives you some presence.
What you getting at, dad?

It's a strong look.

Y-you like one of those tough
guys in an old western movie.


Oh, I guess it is
kind of badass.

What if I tilt it
a little bit?

You ruined it.

I like your hat.
It suits you.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.
Well, you're welcome.

Okay, thank you.

All right, got your
life-changing popcorn.


Now, can we get back to figuring
out who Haley married?

Haley got married?!
Oh, my gosh,
I hope it was not to jackson.


He was into some weird,
um, food.

Oh, god!

Whoa, Haley got married?!
She is in so much trouble!

Luke, what have you done
to your hair?!

when you react like this,

You're just giving him
what he wants.

Luke said
that you knew about it!

I didn't know about it!

I said
a parent knew about it.


I know we're not there yet,

But I've been researching

Oh, we are there because
you let our child get a mohawk!


We... Had a bet.

You let him get a mohawk
because he won a bet?!

No, he lost the bet.
What?! Phil!

Well, I-I...
Would you rather I had a mohawk?

I have a career.
I-I don't have time
for this.

We've got to get back
to figuring out

Who Haley has married
in vegas.

Hold on.
Someone's at the door.

So, Haley's in vegas?

If you want,
I can call andy.

He's there, too.
Maybe he can find her.

Andy's in vegas?

Yeah, he borrowed some cuff
links from me for some wedding.

Oh, my god, you guys
don't think that Haley
married andy, do you?

- Haley married andy! Yeah.
- What?!

What bet did he lose?
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Andy is dating some girl in
utah, and Haley knows that.

Even if Haley
was attracted to him,

I would hope she would have the
decency and the self-control...

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, she married andy!

I knew
she was still into him.

She said he wasn't her type,
but I'm like,

"he's a man.
He's breathing."

Maybe this is why she doesn't
talk to me about things.

No, it can't be him.
He's a very nice boy.

Claire, trust me,

Andy's not gonna run off
and elope with Haley.

He's a stand-up guy.

- It's a package for Haley.
- Open it.

Well, that seems like
an invasion of her priv...

Open it!

"What to expect
when you're expecting."

oh, my god!

I told you
he was a stand-up guy.

She's not answering, Phil.
Are you calling andy?

It's going straight
to voice mail.

I can't believe
she's pregnant.

Let's not jump
to any conclusions.

Jump? Let's review.

She's been moody, eating weird
food, getting nauseous.

She left
in the middle of the night

For a wedding chapel in vegas
with her secret love,

And most suspicious of all,
she bought a book!

Oh, no.
What if you're right?

What will we do?
I don't know.

I'll kill that andy.

How could he be
so irresponsible?

I mean, he's a good kid.

But to run off
with my baby girl

After I fell for his
"aw, shucks" act!

Which is probably not an act
because he's genuinely nice

And he thinks "shucks"
is the "s" word.

I want to kill him!

But that would be
robbing my grandchild

Of probably
a really great father!

Damn you, andy bailey!

His last name is bailey?

Oh, my god,
she's gonna be Haley bailey.

I just thought of something.

I'm going to be the first woman
in my family

Not to get pregnant
and drop out of college.

Ooh, maybe that
should be my essay.

I graduated from college.

Yeah, and Haley got kicked out
of college

Before she got pregnant.

Okay, hang on, honey.
I am sending you a picture.

Do you think that this arsonist
looks like andy with a beard?

He's not an arsonist.

Gloria hired him
to take care of her baby.

Right, of course.

You know how protective
she is.

I'm sure she had him
thoroughly vetted.


where did you find andy?

At the park,
chasing some children.

Oh, my god.
I'm gonna call him again.

Hey, mom, check it out.

God, Luke,
what have you done?!

I know. What does he have
to rebel against?

Haley pregnant
and me in a mohawk...

This year's christmas card
is gonna rule.

What's going on?
Did you find her?

No, dad, no, I haven't
found her. And you know what?

This is all your fault

Because you two introduced this
horny stranger into our lives.

Let me get this straight.

You're mad because your daughter
got knocked up

And ran off with some goofy guy
to get married behind your back.

I can't even imagine
what that must feel like.

Really? Now?

I can't think
of a better time.

Jay, stop kicking her
while she's down,

Pointing out her mistakes at
the same time the whole universe

Is telling her
that she's a terrible mother!

Oh, my god, okay, can't do this.
Got to go. Bye.

? Christopher robin and I
walked along ?

? under branches
lit up by the moon ?

? posing our questions
to owl and eeyore ?

? as our days disappeared
all too s... ?

I miss my little girl!

Claire, don't do that.

Yes, Claire,
don't do that!


You're not gonna find her
at the bottom of that tin.

You're not near the bottom
of that tin, are you?

I'm gonna be a grandmother!

Aww, there, there, dear.

Okay, Claire...

We don't know anything
for sure yet.

So take a deep breath...

...Put the popcorn down...

And just get your...

Not cool, grandma!

Okay, Claire,
listen, listen.

Sometimes life hands you things
that you don't want

And... and they turn out to be
exactly what you need.

And, oh, my god, I think
I just talked myself
into liking this hat

Because I keep seeing myself
in it,

And I'm like,
"who is that handsome yentl man?"

Are you serious right now?


Oh, god, I got to go.

I'm sorry. I wasn't
that helpful. Are you okay?

Our little baby got married
without us.

I was supposed to
give her away.

I was supposed to walk her
down the aisle

And give her husband-to-be
one of these.

"That's my baby girl.

You take care of her."

'cause that's what
dads do.

I got to call my dad.

Please don't tell him
I was in charge when she left.

Can you see me?

Thumb, dad.

The minute they got rid
of rotary phones,

Everything went to hell.

Dad, I'm really sorry
that I eloped.

You were a great dad,

And you should've been there
to walk me down the aisle,

And... and I've never apologized
for taking that away from you.

Well, we got to do that thing
in hawaii, and that was nice.

Yeah. Guess what goes around
comes around, huh?

Look... You're in the eye
of the tornado right now,

And you can't see anything but
your life swirling around you.

But andy's a good guy,
just like Phil,

And years from now,
you might look back on this

And think, "the best thing
that could've happened..."

Was that dipstick
knocking up my daughter."

That's so sweet.

Was he listening?!

This dipstick loves you,
too, Jay!

I take it all back!

wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I am trying to fix it!

Gloria's talking to me.
Some of it's in english.

Claire, Claire!
Look, look, I fix Luke's hair!

Oh, my god,
he looks like shemp!

Okay, yes, it's true,

But maybe if I cut a little bit
more on the sides or in...

Oh, no, no, no.
No more cutting.

Just give me a chance
to get used to it.

Oh, it's Haley!
Haley's calling!


Hi, mom.

"Hi, mom"?!

We have been trying to get
in touch with you all day!

I've been in bed.
Oh, goodness.

I don't think we need to
hear the details.

We know everything.

And I understand
why you hid it from us,

And while we are not happy,
young lady,

We're gonna work this out.

Uh, before I admit
to anything,

Maybe you could be
more specific?

Haley! You're home!

Yeah, I've been home all day.
I've been sleeping.

you didn't get married?!

Why would I get married?!

Because you're pregnant
with andy's baby!

Why would you think that?!


Because you changed your
facebook status to "married"

And then
we tracked your cellphone

To a wedding chapel
in vegas.

And you ordered this book!

Wow, first of all,
it's called privacy.

Google it.
Second, I married a cronut.


Last night,
my friend andy and I,

We went to go get cronuts,

And I said
that they were so amazing,

I wanted to marry one, so I
posted it on facebook as a joke.

Then I accidentally
left my phone in andy's car,

Which he drove
to a friend's wedding in vegas,

And that book
is for my crazy boss

Because he's designing
maternity clothes

And he wants to get inside
the mind of preggos!

Thank god!

I'm so relieved!

Wait a second. How did you
get onto my facebook page?

I unfriended you.

She's brody kendall.

Oh, my god, gross!

I've been playing candy crush
with my mother!

How did you track my phone?

Well, I don't think
that really matters,

And there's
a perfectly reasona...

Oh, cut it out. I can see people
walking behind you.

Okay, got to go.