Mistresses (2008–2010): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript

I hate that dress. Well, she can't
get married naked, can she, Cathy?

What's going on?
Barbie and Ken.

Counselling did the trick.

Are you staying tonight? Uh-hm.
Can you give me a lift to Siobhan's?

I thought you were getting the bus?

Yes. You'll be late.

It doesn't matter... Now.

Hi.

Thanks.

Hey, where's the driver?

If I asked you really nicely,
would you change your mind?



Simon, you're not coming, OK?

You're my boss, you're
a bloke and it's a hen night!

Come on, let's go.

Are you the lady in question?

Not me. No, not me.

How're you doing?

Congratulations, madam.

We're OK about this, aren't we?
You've met him? Hmm.

What's not to be OK about?

I know, he's gorgeous. Excuse me!

And rich!

But she's known him for what?
A heartbeat.

Exactly.

Doesn't he sleep around?



So does she. This is Jessica
we're talking about,

whose appetites are a mystery even
to herself. She's gonna be fine.

If it's a mistake,

I will do the divorce for nothing!

How long will this go on for?

What? This born-again
virgin routine.

The boycott. There's no boycott.

What is it then?
It is a happy abstinence.

A new job, a new beginning.

A refocusing, all right?

I'm just worried about you.

About what?

Lack of use.
There are several well-documented

cases of it growing over.

Really? That's gross. Not really.

She believed you.

Do you know what
he's doing tonight?

Paintballing? It's a stag.

C'mon I know exactly
what happens on stag do's.

Hey, I'm sorry, we've got to go.

You know kids...

OK, well you, good luck tomorrow.

Aw, thank you!

So good to see you,
thanks for coming.

See you soon. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Where were we?

Hey?

Hello. Hi.

Hey... How was it?
Good. Fun was had.

Most of it by Jessica.

Well, I should go.

Big day tomorrow.
Thanks for looking after Elsa.

Thanks for...letting me.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah.

What are you doing? I'm picking
your pants up off the floor.

They're supposed to make
you wanna have sex with me.

Thank you. What for? Dominic.

For being...

..you know. C'mon, you.

C'mon. What did you two do today
then? Ah, not much, did we?

We did some housework,

went for a walk. She made
some new friends at the swings.

Didn't you?

C'mon, night night.

C'mon. There you go.

Bed?

Night.

Night.

Turn out the lights.

Take your clothes off.

The pants didn't work then?

No, they did.

I just overcame the temptation.

Hmm. I wanted to make sure
I'm ready for tomorrow.

Ah, yes... Look out, Nigella.

Are you making fun of me? No.

Well, a little. Sorry.
It just seems like a lot of work.

You're not a lady of leisure.

I know, it's just a few cakes.

And you know, the chance to...

To what?

Well, to...get a new pair
of tights, or a dress or

I dunno, take us somewhere for

You know I'd do those
things if I could.

I'm sorry, that's
not what I...

I know. It's just
that it would be nice.

Where have you been? Oh, Jesus! Hari!

I couldn't sleep,
I had a headache

so I went to the chemist and um...

..we've run out so I...
I must have finished them.

I was worried about you.

Well, don't be,
I took two, I'm fine now.

Good.

You're very smart...

..for a late night trip
to the chemists.

I know, it's kind
of ridiculous, isn't it?

Hello! Hey, baby!

Brace yourself, I'm coming up.

What's your PA
doing on your stag do?

She goes everywhere with me.

So, where did you go?

Slovenia, Slovakia,
somewhere else maybe.

There was a helicopter involved.

Argh!

How did you get those?

I was whipped.

Did you deserve it?

Absolutely.

'I know it's your first day and this
is the last thing you need,

'but could we meet?'

No, no, it's fine.
Of course it is. You all right?

It's fine. Um, listen, I'll buy
you lunch wherever's easiest.

Um, what's your canteen like?

Oh, awful, apparently.
I think everyone goes to

this diner called Joe's,
it's by the side entrance.

Deal. Katie?

Yeah?

'Thank you.'

Katie. How are you feeling?

Oh, you know? Terrified.

Don't be silly.

We're lucky to have you here.

Particularly,
Jack who remembers

how you got him through
med school.

Let's just keep that
between the three of us, shall we?

Megan's right, we're lucky
to have you. Thank you.

I must register, so...
Do you know where to go?

Yeah. I'll see you
on the ward later.

Oncology, take stair
three down two levels.

Take a left.
Through urology, through ENT.

Then you want any of the lifts, 13,
14 or 15 for the fifth floor.

Right through paediatrics
and you're there. Got it?

Have you got everything?
I can't find my kit.

All of Amy's stuff, remember
you're back at yours tonight. Yes!

Are you sure? Yes!

Right, come on, you lot.
Trudi needs to be left in peace.

Put those in there,
in there!

Bye, hon, see you.

Listen to me, listen to me.

Your cakes are...unbeatable.

Thank you. But?

But, well...

this is his, you know?

This is what he does.
Food is his world.

Then he's gonna love you, OK?

Good luck. Out the door now.

Out the door now, please!

Whose is this? C'mon, Cathy.

Gina, out, now, please!

MEN: Ooh!

Sorry.

Sorry, not my game.

Really? You should try it.

You've got a lot of
the right attributes.

Such as?

Height, timing
and elegance, of course.

I am however, easily bored.

Ah...

..And lost, I think.

Hello?

Duggan and Chandler would like
to welcome you back.

Yes, I like it. Upmarket
rather suits Duggan, doesn't it?

He might have given me
an office with my name on the door.

30% pay rise not
good enough for you, huh?

Suppose so.

Why don't I buy you lunch later on?

I can't. Ah! Better offer.

Um...Dominic...

About you, me and Elsa.

I haven't told anyone
here about this.

Is that all right?

Hmm. I was actually going
to get some mugs made up.

You know, her face, "Daddy's
little girl" written underneath.

It's fine. I understand.

OK.

OK.

Here, this way.

All right, Dan?
Yeah, good Spence, thanks.

So, new consultant? House Officer.

You're not joking. No.

I didn't mean you were...
What? Too old?

No, no, you've just got bearing,
you know, presence - experience.

You're surprised
at my lack of seniority?

Ah...yes?

How long have you been
pushing trolleys around for?

Oh, quite a while now.

You're just down there.

Hello.

Hello. Can I? Oh, thank you.

Um...

Now, you probably don't
recognise me because...

but I do come in here a lot.
I've seen you.

You've got two girls? Right...

And we absolutely
love everything that you do.

Great. No, I mean, love it. But...

There's a but?

Yeah.

You don't have
any sweet things.

Sweet things.

Yeah, like biscuits...

or cakes...

and macaroons...

or muffins.

I make them all myself.

And you want me to sell them?

Well, yes...please?

It's not something I normally do.

No, I'm sorry. Of course not.

Oh, sorry.

Hello?

What?

What about the bloody ballet?

I asked you if you had everything!

OK, bye.

I'm really sorry,
but I need to go.

You didn't tell me
what your name was.

Oh, Trudi. It's Trudi.

Come back in a couple of days,
let's see if I sell any of them.

OK. That is brilliant.

Oh, sorry.

Bye.

Hi, Katie? Yes?

I'm Vicki Kendall, your registrar.
Vicki, hi.

Jack should just be coming.

If you want to join us...
Sorry, everybody. Sorry.

And welcome Dr Roden.

So, who's first up?

Why don't I take this Katie,
and then tomorrow it's all yours?

OK, great.

I just wanted to
have a look at Mrs Elliott

admitted with chest
pain and breathlessness.

Am I in time?

Just!

Thanks.

You're shocked.
I've even managed to shock you.

What am I, some sort
of aberration barometer?

I want someone to disapprove.

Because you don't.

It's...

It's just, it's just
something I need.

Stupid question, obviously,
but can't that need be satisfied

by the man whose lying next to you?

That's just it, Hari and I haven't
had sex in quite some time.

What's quite some time?

Eighteen months, give or take.

Katie, just...

the strangers, that's almost
the most important thing because

this way it's not like
with Dominic,

it's not like an affair.

I don't know their names
and they don't know mine.

It's...just what it is.

Until it becomes something else.

I know.

This is bad for you, Siobhan.

And it's dangerous.
It's not going to solve anything.

Which is why you have to stop.

And you have to find a way
of bringing your husband back

into your bed.

Right?

All right.

Right.

Bloody hell.

It's not funny. Sorry.

This is always happening.

It's not my fault.

Well, it's not.

It's this, our life.

Our ridiculous lives.

We divide ourselves between two homes

which neither of us can afford.
We never have any money.

You're stressed, I'm stressed.

None of us know
if we're coming or going.

We could make our
lives so much easier.

OK. Well, it's simple.
Amy and I should move in.

Because it makes our live easier?

Yes. Richard?

We are not going to move
in together because it's convenient

or because it
saves us money.

Why not?
Because it's not very romantic.

Romantic?

Right, so you'd like me
to compose a ballad

and scale your walls with a rose and
then my daughter and I can move in?

No, I'd like you to
pick up your pants off the floor,

or open the when
you've been to the loo.

The window?

I didn't realise
you were such a princess.

Well, I'm sorry, I didn't
realise you were such a pig.

Doctor?

Well, how did it go?

No-one died. Well, success then.

I didn't get
promoted just yet.

I'm sure it won't be long now.

How sweet of you.

Trud?

You don't have to do this, you know?
Do what? The big sister thing.

Oh, I'm just a wee bit worried
Jess, that's all. I know, I know.

It's all so fast, yeah.

And Alex and, yeah, what do we really
know about each other? Exactly.

Trudi. He is the most exciting
thing that's ever happened to me.

OK? And I don't want to do that thing
of going out with him

for years and then getting marriage

because we're bored and can't think
of anything else to do.

This way it's...

It's romantic.

Yeah, that.

Oh, what have you done
with my lovely new kitchen? Hi!

I was happy with just
a lump of cheese and a Kit-Kat.

You're a student -
we'll look after you.

working too hard and hungover?

Student!

Hey!

Hello!

Took me ages to get
Elsa to sleep. How are you?

Oh, lovely.

Any glasses?

He called me a princess!

That's probably a bit strong,
but, well,

we're not teenagers any more.

I don't think I'm unrealistic.

What sort of message is that
sending out to our kids?

That two people should move
in together to save money?

We should do this because
we want to be a proper family.

It sounds like you're asking
for more than romance.

I love him.

I don't want to go through
my life and not feel that

intimacy with someone.

And what about you, Mother Superior?

Anyone at work making you
want to feel intimate again?

Men'll be knocking your door down.

The only interest I got
was from a porter.

A porter?

I don't mind you bringing
a porter to my wedding.

I'm not bringing
anyone to your wedding.

C'mon Katie,
it's just a date. Is he foxy?

Yeah, I suppose he is.

How's Jack, Katie?

Yes, what's he like now?

Oh, married, a father, my boss!
Sounds perfect for you.

That's enough out of you.

Never mind what he's like now,
what was he like in med school?

He was lovely. They were lovely.

Was he your first? No.

Well, he was the first
in one way, wasn't he, Katie?

I dunno what you could
mean, Siobhan.

What do you mean, Siobhan, what?

Well, he was the first
to turn her over...

Katie, you slut!

It's not true!

Dirty girl!

Enjoy. Bye.

Bye! See you later.

Bye. Bye, girls.

Bye! See you. Have a nice day.

Bye! Bye!

I can't believe
I called you a princess.

I can't believe I called you a pig.

Come here.

I'm sorry I haven't been
making you feel special.

When you are.
When I love you as much as I do.

So I want to make it up to you.
Will you meet me?

This evening?

OK?

Good.

Jesus! Absolutely beautiful.

It looks beautiful.

I have
something for you too.

It's not quite so nice.

that document over?

What is it?

Cheers. Whoo.

This is a pre-nup.

OK. Erm... OK...

Well, I... Erm...

I just need to have my people take a
look at this and.

I'll get back to you. That's fine.

Katie! We were wondering of you'd
like to come round for dinner.

And probably best
not to mention it to the firm.

OK. Well, you're settling
in very well here but...

..you're different to
the rest.

Meaning I remember Tiswas and
fancied Simon Le Bon.

Meaning if they catch us swapping
Bowie lyrics,

we won't hear the end of it.

I'm trying to make life easier
for you. I know.

Because this last year
with the GMC business,

well, it can't have
been very easy for you.

It's all right, Katie.

It doesn't make any difference to me.

Hello?

Hello. Hi.

I thought maybe you
weren't coming back. Erm...

No, always go back for
the Tupperware. Right, right.

Did the cakes go off?

Like a rocket.
Sold out in one afternoon.

Your takings.

I made sure I had a couple myself.

They were delicious.

There's something else in there.

That's your order for next week.

I now do cakes.

Your cakes.

Thank you.

If you get divorced, you stand
to make a lot of money. Oh.

The longer you're married, the more
you'll make.

He's even added an infidelity bonus.

What? If he's unfaithful and
it depends on whether you catch him,

he'll add 25 grand to the total for
each indiscretion.

If I were you and

judging from what you've told me,
I would sign that thing.

No, no. Not in a million years.

Cheeky boy. I knew he was up to
something. I knew it!

Have a drink.

Thank you. And some crisps.

Or in my teeth? Thank you.

It's like he thinks that
I can't look after myself.

Look, forget about it, go to
Katie's tonight and just have fun.

I'm not staying at Katie's any more.

You'll stay at Trudi's?

I'm not staying in that mad house.

You can't
spend tonight on your own.

Are you inviting me
to a slumber party?

Well, yeah. Of course.
I do have to ask Hari first.

If it's a problem...
I'd love you to come.

You're sure? I would love you to.

OK, well that'll be fun.
I can see Elsa.

Come on.

Come on. Yep.

Thank you.

To you,
your cakes and whatshisname.

Lucas. A man of great taste.

Thank you so much for this.

It's been, erm...

Romantic? Yes, romantic.

What do you think then? Can I tell
Amy, get my place on the market?

Trudi?

I want us all to be
together properly.

We will be.

You don't.

Oh, no, you want us to get married.

Do I need to remind you we're both
married already? No.

But... But what?

Well, I want to be with you.
Really with you. Trudi, I...

I don't want to get married again.

It's not exactly convenient.

Hari, please. It's got nothing
to do with convenience, has it?

I mean it
doesn't have to be forever.

But one night?

This could be good for us.
She'll be on her own otherwise.

OK.

OK.

I'll cook something.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey! Hello! How are you? Good, good.
Come in. Thank you.

I feel I should warn you that
Jack's friend Dan is here. Right.

And he's awful,
I mean he's a heart surgeon

and I adore him but he really is
the last of the serial monogamists.

And, unhappily for you, he
happens to be single right now.

I'm sure I can handle it. Let
me get you a drink. Glass of wine?

Hello, Katie.

Can you hear something? No, I can't.
Rarghh! Stop it!

Hello.

So.

Not a hospital porter then?

Ah, no, not normally.

Have you two met?

And I'm very sorry
about that, and, um.

for gate-crashing your dinner but
I wanted to meet you properly so.

Somewhere where you won't be able
to crush me and then wander off.

If you want to crush him and
then wander off, you be my guest.

We'll have champagne and Hari's
going to cook. It'll be great.

Are you turning this into your
little boudoir or something?

No, no. It's just. umm..

Hari's up a lot with the baby and

I'm the one that's working
so sometimes I sleep in here.

Sounds like a sensible arrangement.

He used to make pies. No. I think
his grandma taught him how

to make pastry once and
that's all he could make.

He used to bung everything into a
pastry case and cremate it. Rubbish!

You loved it. And you do too! I do,
darling, I do.

But remember, it's always me
that has to wash up. Aww, darling.

How long has Dan been coming over
for supper? Oh, probably about...

Six or seven years?
Yeah, since about 2000.

Yeah, yes. He made a pass at Megan.

Nooo!

She wasn't wearing her ring.

Honestly, Katie, she wasn't.
I was completely innocent.

Who can blame me? She's gorgeous. You
see how we've put up with him.

It's so lovely to have
you here, Katie. Thank you.

How did it happen?

You leave your surgery,
do a year with VSO and then

go back to the beginning again.

Don't answer that.

Dan, be quiet!

No, really, no. I don't wanna know.

Katie's sense of mystery is crucial
to my fascination in her. Shut up!

Sorry. Love, it's just me.

So, fancy a lift home?
I don't think so.

It's just transport.

OK, it's not just transport.

I've ordered a cab so...

Listen, Dan I really appreciate
what you did in there earlier.

But the least couple of
years have been...not good.

I'm trying to keep my life simple
so I hope you can understand that.

I can.

But that isn't going to
to stop me trying.

Can I buy you a drink?

No drinks.

Hey. It's late Jess. I know.

Erm...

I'm not signing it.

I don't want to get married thinking
about the money if we split up.

Jess, it's just to protect you.

But I don't need protecting, OK?

Look, we are the same you and
me, right. We're loose, wanton...

Strumpets. Exactly! That's what
makes us so right for each other.

We are non-judgemental.

Above suspicion and jealousy and we
do not need anything like this.

OK?

OK?

Infidelity payment?
Yeah, right - I should be paying you!

I'm very glad I'm marrying you.

Good, you should be.

Isn't there a rule about grooms not
seeing their brides?

I'm pretty sure that's
more to do with the dress.

Which dress?

This dress?

Can we turn the lights out?

I like them left on.

Are you going to undress?

Not yet.

What's your name?

No names. Tell me your name.
No names.

Hi, Carrie. I wanted to talk through
some of the dietary requirements of

some of our clients. I'm not
organising this one. Ah, Simon!

Simon, this is Carrie.

Hello, Carrie. Carrie is Mark's...

Mark's person. Hi.

Simon will be delighted to go through
it with you. Absolutely.

I mean my only slight...

My only slight concern
is that...

I need you to save yourself.
Well, that's the singles table.

Exactly.

What...
You've put me with the freaks?

Next to Jasper,
your pubescent sex pest cousin.

Well, he's 19 now, all man.

He pinched
Siobhan's arse last Christmas.

He's always
had a thing for you Katie.

You wouldn't...

You'll be bored. You won't know
anyone.

I want to drink
so you'll be driving.

But if none of that puts
you off then please come.

Don't smile like that -
you will not be getting

any sex from me either.

Come on, let's go.
Gina, put that down please.

Don't you dare bring it.

Gina!

Oh, my god, oh, my God, who's he?

I have no idea.

He is hot.

Dan, everyone, everyone, Dan.

The...

The porter.

Hi. Hi, hello.

Hello. Hello, pleased to meet you.

How are you? OK. This is Hari.

Nice to meet you.

I don't have to vouch
for your virginity, do I?

All yours, mate.
Thank you.

You look gorgeous.

I promise to.
honour and protect you.

And forsaking all others...

..be faithful to you as long as we
both shall live.

Oh, no, no, no! You didn't
say anything about dancing.

I'm a terrible dancer.

You're not bad.

Great wedding.
The best.

I... I've been thinking...
Sorry. No, you first.

OK. Erm... Well, you were right.

This marriage thing.
We do not have to...

No, Trudi, it's important.
No, no no, it's not that important.

I want you to have something.

You'd
better get your place on the market.

Thank you. Thank you.

I've got something for you, too.

I stole it. Ken needed rescuing.

I've been an idiot.

A, no, no. Wait a minute. You do not
have to do this. No.

I know that I've been demanding.

No, no, stop it. It's what I want.

You're what I want.

We'll sort everything out,
get divorces and you're going to

marry me, Trudi.

Please, please marry me.

Of course I will.

Let's get it on.

Take it back if you don't like it.

You said I'd be bored. Are you?
Utterly.

Um, listen... I'm just got to...
Whatever you say.

Hi, Katie, how's the vow of
chastity?

Honestly? Of course.

Shaky. Hi, Dan. Hi.

He made strawberry shortcake. I'm
like...

Yeah. So sorry.
You'll have to excuse me.

I saw that.

I know.

Hmmm...

Is it true what they say
about pianists and their fingers?

All right, Harry
Connick, this is your moment mate.

Hello honey.
Hey baby. Fancy a dance? OK.

Where are you taking me?

I...got myself a room.

You're supposed to
be driving me home.

I know, I'm bad like that. I say I'm
going to do things and then I don't.

Just like I say I'm not going
to do things and then I do.

That's very dishonest of you.

I know.

Last chance.

I am having such a good time.
Well, so am I.

Tell me we're going to be all right.

I want us to be.

I want us to be.

I know but it could be important.

I can't hear, hang on.
I can't hear...

I'm gonna go outside.

I'm so sorry, I
couldn't hear. 'Where are you now?'

Who's this? We met. Last night.

How did you get this number?

'I make a habit of being able
to get the things I want.

Why do you sneak out? I don't want
people talking. What would they say?

Here a week and she's banging
a surgeon.

Hm. Someone's been a busy boy.
I want you to love me.

Jess, you're married now. I mean
recently married.

I saw you. Will you tell me
who she was?

No, no. That's not what you saw.
Please don't lie to me.

Stop this now. What is it you think
is going on between us?

What are you doing?
I thought that was obvious.

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