Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 3, Episode 8 - Horse Party - full transcript

It's Ed's 9th birthday, and he wants Wilbur to throw him a party.

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪



Ahem.

My birthday. I hope
Wilbur remembers.

Yeah, 9 years old,
and not a wrinkle.

Heh heh heh. You handsome devil.

- [laughing]
- [door closes]

Good morning, Ed.

Good morning, buddy-boy,
buddy-buddy, buddy.

What are you feeling
so chipper about today?

I always feel chipper
this day of the year.

Well, what's
special about today?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

It's the 28th.

The 28th.

Mm-hmm.



Of course, that's
an anniversary.

Atta boy.

Sadie Hawkins Day.

No, Wilbur, it's got to
do with a certain animal.

A certain animal, huh?

Yeah.

How could I forget?
It's Groundhog Day.

Groundhog Day, gee.

- Groundhog Day!
- [knock on door]

Mister Ed?

Uh, no. Come in.

He's in there.

In there?

Yeah, go ahead and sing.

Ahem!

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jo... ♪

Well, where's Mister Ed?

That's him.

A horse? I've been
singing to a horse?

- It's his birthday.
- Birthday?

Would you mind
finishing the song, please?

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

[humming]

Here's a couple
of bucks for you.

Well, ah, thanks, mister.

Yes, you're... You're
quite welcome.

Thank you very much.

And let me know when
your dog has a birthday.

And Happy Birthday, horsey.

Well, Ed, did I
remember your birthday?

Yeah, but you forgot my gift.

Oh, you're a tough customer.

What do you buy for a
horse who has everything?

Well, I just happened
to have a catalogue.

Start looking.

[Carol] Wilbur!

Oh, honey, will you
help me pick out an outfit

for my club's garden
luncheon today?

Uh-huh.

How do you like it?

Mm, it's gorgeous.

Oh no, the girls
have seen me in this.

Oh, I think this
will do more for me.

Don't you think?

Fabulous.

Do you think this cape
is becoming on me?

It's sensational.

How about this hat?

Hmm, that's cunning.

Wilbur!

Oh, I don't know, Carol.

Aren't those French designers
getting a little bit radical?

Oh, you're a big help.

I'm sorry, dear. I'm
working on a problem here.

Oh, well, maybe I can help you.

Well, I don't want
to bother you.

Oh, it's no bother.

After all, what are wives for?

Now come on, tell me
what's on your mind.

Well, I'm getting
a little gift for Ed.

Ed?

Yeah, well, I mean,
after all, it's his birthday,

and he's like a
member of the family

and I thought the
least we can do

is get him some little gift.

Fine. Let's get him a little
sailor suit and a whistle.

A sailor suit.

You got a great sense
of hu... Sailor suit?

Nah, that's ridiculous.

[Kay] Carol, anybody home?

Yes.

I am, but I don't
know about Wilbur.

Sweetie, Mildred
Webster just called.

We can't have the club
luncheon in her garden.

Her child came down
with chicken pox.

Oh, that's too bad.
I hope he's all right.

Mm-hmm. Mildred hinted for me

to have the club
luncheon in my backyard,

but you know how Addison worries

about his precious dichondra.

I know.

You know, most husbands

carry a picture of
their wife in their wallet.

He's got a picture of his lawn.

You know, Kay, you're
always teasing Roger

about his gardening.

Maybe if you showed a
little interest in his hobby,

he'd be more cooperative.

You could be right. Who knows?

Maybe the way to
my husband's heart

is through his rake hand.

There'll be no free
lunches around here.

Doll, it looks simply...

Kay! You're bruising
my dichondra.

I'm sorry, angel.

I just wanted to tell you
how lovely the yard looks.

My dear, you astonish me.

I had no idea you
were interested

in anything green but money.

I never dreamed that our
backyard would look so beautiful.

I'm really proud of you, doll.

Well, it's gratifying
to know that my long,

weary months of mulching
have finally paid off.

I've told all my friends
about the miracles

that you've accomplished
in our backyard.

Thank you, my dear.

And they're all dying to see it.

How nice.

Say, I have an idea.

Why don't I invite
my club over today?

I have a better idea.

Why not invite a herd
of elephants over?

By the time they get
through, my lawn will look like

Fort Apache after
the Indian raid.

Addison, be reasonable.

We were supposed
to have the luncheon

in Mildred Webster's garden,

but her child came
down with chicken pox.

Chicken pox?

Well, that shouldn't
bother 30 old hens.

I'm the only girl in the club

who hasn't had a
meeting in her backyard.

Some of them don't
even believe I'm married.

Why not let that
be our little secret?

Please, Addison,

I'll bet Wilbur wouldn't
turn Carol down

if she wanted to use their yard.

No?

I'll bet not even Wilbur
Post is that foolish.

Well, of course I'd let
her if she asked me, Rog.

He is that foolish.

Then it's settled.
We can use our yard?

No, but since Wilbur
made the grand gesture,

why, we'll accommodate
him and use his place.

I have no objection, Carol.

Oh, thanks, honey. Come on, Kay.

We'd better call
Mildred and the girls.

Thanks, Wilbur, you're a doll.

And you're you.

She didn't mean
to call you that, Rog.

You know what's
the matter with you?

You're afraid to
say no to Carol.

Your wife leads you around

as if you were wearing blinkers.

Blinkers! That's it,
I'll buy him blinkers!

Strange man.

That oughta do it.

Ed?

Yeah?

Ed, I've decided what to
get you for your birthday,

a set of blinkers.

What?

You want to hide my
beautiful brown eyes?

I don't know what to get you.

Don't worry, Wilbur boy,
I figured out what I want.

You have? What?

A birthday party.

A birthday party?

Mm-hmm.

You know, that's
a pretty good idea.

A birthday... we could
have a lot of fun together,

just you and I.

Make it seven, Wilbur.
I've drawn up a guest list.

Come and see.

Princess, Domino, Flossie...

These are all the horses
from the Tally Ho Stable, huh?

Yeah, they're real swingers.

Well, okay, Ed, it's your party.

I'll take you over to
the Tally Ho Stables,

and you'll really
enjoy yourself.

Whoa, easy there, boy.

What's the matter?

Well, I want my party here.

Oh, come on, Ed. Be sensible.

I can't throw a party for
a whole bunch of horses

where people might see me.

Why not?

They'd look at me like I
was some kind of kook.

Well, look back like you're not.

Ed, be fair.

Oh, wait a minute, we can't
have the party here anyway.

Carol's club women
are coming over.

Well, send them to
the Tally Ho Stables.

Now, Ed, stop that.

If there's anything
I can't stand,

it's a whining horse.

Now you can't
have the party here,

and that's final,
do you understand?

Holler, but don't hit.

[Carol] Wilbur?

Coming, honey!

Yells at me like I'm his wife.

Honey, do me a favor

and pick up these things
for my club luncheon.

All right.

"Fairchild Party Rental...
20 chairs and five tables.

"Chilser's Market,
3 pounds of ham,

2 pounds roast beef,
assorted cheeses," is that?

That's right.

"Four large cartons of
potato salad, coleslaw."

With all this stuff, the
girls won't need trays,

they'll need caddies.

I'll get it.

Yes, Mr. Post, we'll have the
equipment delivered by 12:30.

Thank you, Mr. Fairchild,
we'd certainly appreciate it.

[phone ringing]

Excuse me.

Certainly.

Hello?

Hello?

Mr. Post? Yes, he's
here. Just a moment.

It's for you, Mr. Post.

Oh, thank you.

I don't know who
could be calling.

I wasn't expecting... thank you.

Hello.

Why can't I have my
birthday party in our yard?

Ed, I'm in a hurry.

I've got to get
over to the market.

Now, will you please
get off my back?

If we don't have that party,
you'll never get on mine.

Is that supposed to
be some kind of threat?

If the horseshoe fits, wear it.

Look, Ed, why don't you settle

for that nice pair of
blinkers for your birthday?

I'll talk to you about
it when I get back.

I may not be here. I
may run away from home.

Look, you try that, and
I'll tie your tail to a tree.

He's very...

I told you why...

Because there'd be too
many people around to see us.

A friend of mine.

I gotta get rid of those people.

Hey, why not?

Heh heh heh, if this
works, I'll have my party.

Oh, ho ho ho, how can
anybody be only 9 years old

and that smart?

Why, yes, Mr. Yamaguchi.

I'd be delighted to address
your horticultural society.

Well, if I left here now,

I could be in
Riverside in an hour.

Oh, yes, yes, I have
the street number.

And Mr. Yamaguchi,
I'm rather curious,

how did you hear about
my work in dichondra?

Well, that was very
nice of Mr. Yoshida.

Yes, I've done business
with his nursery for years.

Yes.

Well, I'm looking forward to
meeting you, Mr. Yamaguchi.

[fake Japanese
accent] Ah so, ah so.

Rikewise, Mr. Addison.

Heh heh heh heh heh
heh. One more phone call,

and the coast'll be
clear for my party.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Oh, hello, Mr. Webster.

Well, thank you.

My husband and I are looking
forward to meeting you, too.

How is your little boy?

Oh, it was not chicken pox?

No, just a rash.

The little tyke ate six
boxes of strawberries.

Oh, I'm so relieved
to hear that.

May I speak with Mildred?

Well, she's in the tub.
It's Saturday, you know?

Oh, but it's silly of Mildred
to bother with the luncheon.

I've already told the
girls to come here.

Well, all right, if she insists.

I'll phone the girls

and tell them that the
meeting is back at your home.

Bye.

Oh, Wilbur, I'm
sorry. I'm in a rush.

Kay's line is busy,

and I have to tell her
about our change in plans.

We're meeting at
Mildred Webster's after all.

And, oh, honey, would you
please call Fairchild Rentals

and cancel the
tables and chairs?

She has enough.

Hello, honey.

Call Fairchild.

[Ed] Yeah, Mr. Post
will call for the horses

in about 20 minutes.

Now, are you sure
you have the list right?

Princess, Domino,
Flossie, Joy Boy and...

Well...

Hey, what is this about
picking up horses?

Great news, Wilbur,
my birthday party's on.

Since when?

Well, Addison is on
his way to Riverside,

and the girls are meeting
at Mildred Webster's.

Hee hee hee hee.

I don't know, Ed,
it's kind of risky.

I mean, somebody may pop in.

I mean, I'd feel so foolish, a
party for a bunch of horses?

You promised.

I know, but couldn't we
have the party at the stable?

You shouldn't break a
promise to a poor, dumb animal.

Ed, oh, come on, don't cry, Ed.

[wailing]

Oh, Ed, all right. You
can have the party here.

Oh, thank you, Wilbur.

Let's see, I'll have to
call Fairchild's Rental

and cancel the chairs.

No, Wilbur, I'll call them.

You go get my guests, hmm?

Okay.

You're not sore at me?

No, Ed. Gosh, if I had a son,

I'd want him to
be just like you.

Ho ho ho ho ho.

[sigh] What a horse
has to go through

to get a birthday party.

[Carol] Oh, Wilbur!

Oh, are you all right?

Oh... oh... Oh, boy.

You know, in your hands, a
door is a dangerous weapon.

- Oh, darling, did I hurt you?
- Oh, no, I'm okay.

But from now on, I'm going
in and out through the window.

I'm so sorry.

I was in such a rush
because of the luncheon.

Yeah, well, I'll see
you later, honey.

I've gotta go.

Look, you... you stay as
long as you want, even longer.

Where are you going, Wilbur?

Well, I've got to pick
up a few things for Ed.

Well, let's get started.

It's a good 45-minute
drive to Mildred Webster's.

Did you call all the girls?

I've dialed so much today,
I've got a cauliflower finger.

Come on. Let's take my car.

No, let's use mine. I can't
stand a woman driver.

What took you so long, Wilbur?

Come on, Ed, your
guests are waiting.

Gee, Wilbur, just
think, my first party.

Come on, birthday boy.

Ha ha ha!

Wait. Could you blindfold me?

Blindfold you?

I'd like it to be
a surprise party.

Come on, Ed, before
somebody walks in on us.

If they do, they'd
better bring gifts.

Oh.

Here we are.

Gee, oh, ho ho ho.

Yeah.

Oh, Wilbur.

[horses whinnying and neighing]

There's Domino.

He's getting so heavy
his tail is drooping.

Joy Boy, it figured
he'd show up.

He's a real freeloader.

Uh, Flossie, there's
a real swinger.

Ed, how do you like it?

Get your handkerchief, Wilbur.

I may start bawling.

Look here, the party
hats are my idea, Ed.

Here.

Oh, it's beautiful,
Wilbur, just beautiful.

Oh, come on.
Here, slip this on, Ed.

There we go. Oh, lovely.

How about yours, Wilbur?

Oh, okay, this is for me.

How do I look?

Just great.

We may make you
an honorary horse.

Well, fella, why don't we
mingle with your guests.

[horses whinny and neigh]

What did he say?

He said we've got
a nice place here.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me. We have to mingle.

Wilbur, this is Princess.

Gorgeous chick, huh?

If she can cook,
Ed, don't let her go.

Yeah. [laughing]

Ed, what did you say to her?

I told her to stick around
after the party, hee hee hee.

I haven't met these
two friends here, Ed.

Hey, by the way, how do
you like the buffet I set up?

Hay, oats, barley, carrots.

Swell, Wilbur,

and thanks for
remembering the place cards.

Oh, it's all right.

Look, Ed, be a good host.

Ask Frenchie if he's
having a good time.

All right.

[horse neighing]

Frenchie wants to know

when we're gonna
start to play post office.

He's a character.

You know, this
whole thing is silly,

but I'm enjoying it.

I'm glad Carol isn't
here to see this.

What are you girls doing here?

We're here for the luncheon.

My boy has chicken pox.

He has? But your husband called

and said it was just a rash.

My husband? Well,
Ralph's in New York.

Why would he call you when
he hasn't even called me?

Then who was on the phone
and said he was your husband?

I'll bet it was Hazel Selkirk,

who wasn't invited
to the luncheon.

She has a low voice, and
even lower sense of humor.

Ladies, ladies,
where do you want me

to put these tables and chairs?

There must be a mistake.

Oh, dear.

Would you please
take them to my house?

I'm Mrs. Post. You
know our address.

Oh, yes, of course,
Mrs. Post, certainly.

Flossie's the closest so far.

Your turn, Ed.

Yeah.

Whoop, I dropped my tail.

[Wilbur] Now,
we'll bob for apples.

Hey, Ed, you're supposed
to bob for the apples,

not eat them.

Let the kids enjoy themselves.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ which nobody can deny ♪

There you are, Ed.

Okay, now, make a wish.

Blow out the candle.

[loud snort]

What are you doing here?

Oh, this is ridiculous!

[women chattering]

[Carol] Wilbur!

Wilbur, what's going on here?

Uh, I... I can explain.

You see, what happened,
you know it's Ed's birthday

and, well, I wasn't
going to throw

a birthday party
for him, believe me.

You see, horses have
feelings just like people.

You ladies understand?

Kay, you understand, Kay,

because you know
how I feel about Ed,

and you see, horses can
sense what you're doing,

you know what I mean?

Carol, honey, I know
how ridiculous this seems.

But you gotta see my side of it.

I mean, if I can't
discuss it with my wife,

who can I discuss it with?

Just...

Well, I thought
they'd never leave.

Let's get back to my
birthday cake, huh,

and the party?

Hi, Wilbur.

Uh, uh, is Carol
talking to you yet?

Well, she just smiled
at me, so there's hope.

But that was a terrible
trick you played,

switching that luncheon
to Mildred's house.

Don't be sore at me, Wilbur.

I'm only a 9-year-old kid.

Well, 9 years old in a horse

is equal to 60 in a human being!

Then stop yelling at an old man!

Oh, you.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

[Man] This has been a
Filmways presentation.