Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 3, Episode 20 - Working Wives - full transcript
Carol and Kay feel that their husbands are taking them for granted, so they both get jobs, leaving Wilbur and Roger at home to fend for themselves.
[whinnies]
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
[Ed] ♪ This is the way
we shine our shoes ♪
♪ Every chance we get ♪
I've told you 100
times not to use this.
You're going to
ruin that machine.
I was just sprucing
up for my date tonight.
Next, you'll be wanting
to use my electric razor.
Oh, no. I'm growing a beard.
My little filly likes to
sing along with Ed.
You really look forward to going
on these moonlight rides, huh?
Yes, sir.
Your riding club ought to have
them more than once a month.
So you can see more of
that cute little French filly Gigi?
Ooh-la-la.
She's got a figure
that should be on the cover
of Playhorse magazine.
Come on in your stall. Come on.
Ah, Gigi.
Go on, go on.
Hypnotism Made Easy.
Where'd you get this book?
I sent away for it.
Figured I'd try it
on Gigi tonight.
Ed, hypnotism is a
very serious thing.
It's not for amateurs.
Who says she's an amateur?
Hm, you shine your shoes,
but you won't let me shine mine.
- Wilbur.
- Yeah?
Kay just dropped in.
She and Roger had
another one of their quarrels.
Oh?
I told them that we'd take
them to a movie tonight.
- Okay?
- Tonight?
No, I don't think so.
This is the night my
riding club meets.
Oh, you can skip
it for one night.
No, I can't.
It's the moonlight ride
we have once a month.
Ed's been looking forward...
I've been looking forward to it.
When was the last time we've
been out in the moonlight?
You don't belong to the club.
Not that you have to.
It's a bunch of fellas
with their horses.
They go out riding...
I'm glad we never fight, honey.
Sit down, Wilbur.
I think it's time
we had a little talk.
Listen, Carol... - Sit. - Sit.
Wilbur, if I asked
you a question,
would you give me
an honest answer?
Sure. What do you want to know?
The truth.
If that horse and
I were drowning,
who would you save?
That's a silly question.
You know what a
good swimmer Ed is.
Oh, what's the use?
That horse has you hypnotized.
All right, Carol, you
win, you win, you win.
I'll take you to
the movies tonight.
Are you sure Ed can spare you?
Oh, look, dear, I know
I've been neglectful,
but from now on, it'll
just be you and me
and the moonlight. Okay?
Okay.
[mocking Carol] That
horse has you hypnotized.
That horse has you hypnotized.
[normal voice] Hey, why not?
For once, that blonde
gave me a good idea.
"Animals have been known
to hypnotize human beings.
"There are accounts
of African natives
who have been transfixed
by the stare of a lion."
[Wilbur whistling]
Uh-oh. Here he comes.
If this works, Wilbur won't
be leaving me alone tonight.
Hi, Ed.
Carol and I will be
leaving in a minute.
Anything I can do before we go?
Uh, yeah, Wilbur.
One little thing.
I've got something
in my left eye, Wilbur.
Will you take it out?
Sure thing. Sure.
Ed, I hope you're
not too disappointed
in my calling off our
moonlight ride tonight.
Why, no, Wilbur.
A wife comes before a horse.
That's the law of the jungle.
I don't see anything
in your eye, Ed.
Look closer, Wilbur.
Closer.
Keep looking in my eye, Wilbur.
Keep looking.
Are you looking in my eye?
I'm looking in your eye.
When I count 3,
you will fall into a deep sleep.
I will fall into a deep sleep.
1, 2, 3.
[Ed laughs]
Looks like he's under.
I'd better test.
- Wilbur.
- Yes?
You're a chicken.
Flap your wings.
We could use some
eggs for breakfast,
but I haven't got the heart.
Wilbur.
Yes?
When it's time to
go to the movie,
you won't be able to
get out of your chair.
Repeat.
I won't be able to
get out of my chair.
Yeah. When I count
3, you will wake up.
1, 2, 3.
I don't see anything
in your eye, Ed.
It must have been
my imagination.
Okay. See you later.
Enjoy the movie, Wilbur.
[clucks like a chicken]
While I had him under,
I should have hit him
up for a few carrots.
Sorry I took so long, kids.
Oh, dear, I hope we don't
miss the beginning of the picture.
Let's go in our car.
It's parked in the street.
All right.
Coming, Wilbur?
I can't get up.
Are you all right?
I'm all right.
I just can't seem to
get out of this chair.
This hypnosis really works.
Ed, you're a devil.
Oh, come on, Wilbur.
You got your laugh.
Now let's get started.
Help me.
I think it's fallen asleep.
What's fallen asleep?
Guess.
I can't get out.
Do you think it's
a muscle cramp?
Could be his sacroiliac.
Maybe he's wearing
magnetic shorts.
Hey, girls.
I'll hold the chair in back,
and you pull from the front.
All right.
Come on, Wilbur, try.
Oh, thank goodness.
I can't get out.
It's a trick.
He just wants me to leave
so he can go on that moonlight
ride with that precious horse.
That's not true.
Oh, I did so want
to catch this picture.
They say there's a scene
in a Paris dress shop...
Move over, Wilbur. I'm with you.
Never mind. I'll go
without you, Diamond Jim.
Come on, Kay.
- But, Carol.
- Kay, be reasonable.
Are you going to open
that joint checking account,
or do I go alone?
Enjoy the picture, my dear.
All right, Wilbur, they've gone.
You can stop playing games
and take your horse rowing
or whatever you
were going to do.
I am not playing games.
I can't get out of the chair.
If I were you,
I'd call a surgeon
and have that thing removed.
Now, Roger, I am
not playing ga...
Hi, Ed.
Well, I thought you
went to the movies.
No, I had a little
fight with Carol,
so she went by herself.
Oh, what a shame.
Looks like we'll have to go
on that moonlight ride after all.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, Ed, the
strangest thing happened.
I sat down on the chair,
and you won't believe this,
but I couldn't get up again.
- No?
- Yeah.
I can't understand how...
Hypnotism Made Easy.
No, no, no.
"Animals have been
known to hypno..."
So you had something
in your eye, did you?
It was only a
little joke, Wilbur.
You aren't a horse,
you're a witch.
A Svengali.
I'm sorry, Trilby.
Uh, Wilbur.
I didn't think it would work.
Oh, you didn't, huh?
No. You just happen
to have a weak head.
You are liable to
have a weak tail
when I get through with you.
Of all the lowdown tricks.
You know, Carol may
never talk to me again.
Look, Wilbur, I
like talking with you,
but if we don't get started,
we'll be late for that ride.
I'm staying home,
so if you're worried
about being late,
you better take a taxi.
You enjoy the picture
last night, dear?
That bad, huh?
They don't make them
the way they used to.
That's just as well because
they used to be terrible.
Right, dear?
[clears throat]
You know what I've always
admired about you, Carol?
You are so pretty
in the morning.
And that's the test
of a real beauty,
if she's pretty in the morning.
How does your horse
look in the morning?
Terrible.
His eyes are all bloodshot,
his tail is snarled.
He's a mess.
Ooh!
I'm hungry.
Before you fell in
love with your horse,
you should have found
out if he could cook.
Look, honey, about last night,
I didn't take Ed out.
You didn't take me out, either.
You ran out of the house.
Only because I got tired
of playing musical chairs.
About last night, Carol.
You know, the
strangest thing happened.
I sat down in the chair,
and all of a sudden,
I must've had a muscle
spasm or something,
because I had a sudden pain.
You know something?
You're not going
to believe this,
but when I tried
to get up, I sud...
Just the way I like it.
Kay, I'm so glad you're not
angry with me about last night.
How was the picture?
Oh, you wouldn't have
liked the show anyway, doll.
It was a woman's picture.
Oh, what a performance.
It wouldn't surprise me if
she gets an Academy Award.
Who was she?
I don't remember her name.
But you should've
seen her at the opening,
when she comes into the hotel
wearing a tangerine vicuña coat
with a gorgeous,
wide, blue fox collar
and a fabulous Princess Toya hat
trimmed with gold sequins.
Tell me more. You've
got my tongue hanging out.
There on the floor,
she saw a handsome man
who had just been murdered.
Who was he?
He was the fella who
had been dating the girl
in the black brocade sheath
with the white organdy trim.
He had it coming to him.
Addison, guess what.
I checked all over
town this morning,
and I finally found a place
that sells those vicuña coats.
Don't you ever go to see
a John Wayne picture?
Doll, we're going to the
bank right after breakfast
and open that joint
checking account.
Over my blue serge,
single-breasted, pearl-buttoned body.
I'm tired of being doled
out an allowance like a child.
If I have to, I'll go out
and earn my own money.
Oh, you don't think I could
go out and work, do you?
No.
Kay, you are a model wife,
but not a working model.
Wilbur, if Kay can
go out and work,
I don't see any
reason why I can't.
But you don't have to.
You already have a
joint checking account.
Also a joint husband account.
With a horse.
You know, maybe if
I weren't around here
to wait on you hand and
foot, you just may realize
that a wife is just as
important as a horse.
Honey, you are as important.
More important than a horse.
If I'm not home by 6:00,
he can fix you something
out of the refrigerator.
Well, good morning, buddy boy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy.
Don't you "buddy
buddy buddy boy" me.
Thanks to you,
Carol's out working,
and I've got to do housework.
Don't yell at me.
I'm just a poor, dumb beast.
Dumb? Dumb like a fox.
You started that fight
between Carol and me.
One more word, and I'll
go home to my mother.
Stop with that sympathy bit.
Maybe I'll hit the road.
Ride the rods, or go
door-to-door bumming hay.
Good. Why don't you start now
so you can get home
in time for dinner?
Wife lover.
[hums]
What are you doing,
practicing judo?
This darn ironing
board has three legs.
I don't know how
Carol gets it to stick.
I just came over to borrow
some furniture polish, little mother.
It's in one of those
drawers, Grandmother.
I don't know if this
was such a great idea,
letting our wives go to work.
They've only been
on the job three days.
You mark my words.
By the end of the week, they'll
be ready to throw in the towel.
And I'll have to iron it.
I don't know.
I still don't like the idea
of Carol working in
a department store.
I make enough to
support the two of us.
They took these jobs
as salesgirls on purpose,
knowing we'd ask them to
quit, but we're going to fool them.
You know why?
Because you want
your wife to support you.
Not true. I want Kay to
learn the value of a dollar.
Then perhaps I will let her
share in my checking account.
I wish I could convince
Carol that I think more of her
than I do of my horse.
I have a radical suggestion.
Send your horse out to work,
and keep your wife home.
Oh.
How clever.
Why don't you wax the
floor while you're down there?
How's that for a meatball, Rog?
Stick a couple of holes in it,
and you can go bowling.
If you don't like my cooking,
you can go home to your wife.
Don't be so sensitive.
Get that can of tomatoes
open, will you, please,
before my spaghetti is done.
The Brinks mob
couldn't open this can.
I still say you should
make the meat sauce
before you make the spaghetti.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
You put the meat sauce on
top of the spaghetti, don't you?
- Yeah.
- All right.
If you put the meat sauce
on top of the spaghetti,
the spaghetti has to
be there first, right?
Wilbur, it still isn't too late
to make hot dogs with beans.
I don't run that
kind of kitchen.
Please get the
can open, will you?
The girls will be home any
minute, and they'll want their dinner.
I got to see how those
kitchen commandos are doing.
This is ridiculous.
I got to get Carol back.
My mother didn't raise
her son to be a daughter.
I can get Kay back anytime
by offering her a
joint checking account,
but you have a
much deeper problem.
You will always have trouble
as long as you have
that horse around.
Oh, you think so?
[Ed cries]
I couldn't open this
can with a blowtorch.
You need a little ingenuity.
Stand back, will
you, boy? Stand back.
One deft blow.
Kay, maybe we shouldn't
have quit the jobs.
I think our husbands
were weakening.
So were my arches.
Oh!
Mine, too.
I'm bushed from trying to
outrun that fresh floorwalker.
Me, too.
High heels just don't stand a
chance against track shoes.
Well, shall we go in
and take our medicine?
Might as well. My pill
will be waiting for me.
How's the spaghetti coming?
I guess it should be a
little looser, huh, Rog?
I haven't had a decent
meal since Kay went to work.
Now you've ruined this one.
All right, throw me
out of the chefs' union.
[sighs]
- Addison.
- Kay.
Kay, you can have your
joint checking account.
Quit your job. Come home and
cook me a decent meal right now.
For the first time in my
life, I have to admit this...
- I need you.
- You do?
Oh, boy, do I need you.
Why, doll!
- Honey, I...
- Carol, I...
What he says goes for
me. I want you at home.
Oh, Wilbur, do you really?
Look at this.
Spaghetti on a stick.
About me spending
so much time with Ed...
Oh, Wilbur, I was
being very childish.
I shouldn't be
jealous of your horse.
Oh, honey,
Mister Ed should be
my worst competitor.
No, you're right. You're
my wife, and from now on,
I'm going to give you
my undivided attention.
I'll start your dinner.
Dinner! I'll be right back.
I forgot to feed Ed.
Well, I guess this is it.
Good-bye, old buddy.
I'm going to take
your picture with me.
I always want to have the
memories of the happy years
we spent together.
I love you, Wilbur,
and I don't want to be the
cause of your unhappiness.
So it's good-bye.
Auf wiedersehen.
Sayonara.
[Ed sobs]
- Ed, wait a minute.
- Oh, Wilbur.
Don't leave.
I love you, too.
Oh, you ought to hate me.
No, Ed. No matter what you did,
I could never hate you.
You mean too much to me.
Wilbur, I've got a
confession to make.
You have?
When I made that
beautiful speech just now,
I knew you were
standing behind me.
Oh, you big phony!
Ed, I will tell you
again. You're wrong.
Carol is very fond of you.
That's hard to believe.
Wilbur, dinner's ready.
Oh, fine.
It's your favorite, pot roast.
Wonderful.
I brought a little something
for Mister Ed, too.
Some carrots.
- See, I told you.
- Told me what?
Oh, that pot roast
is my favorite.
Here, Mister Ed.
That's a boy.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Oh, all right.
Here. Have some more.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the
answer that you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways presentation.
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
[Ed] ♪ This is the way
we shine our shoes ♪
♪ Every chance we get ♪
I've told you 100
times not to use this.
You're going to
ruin that machine.
I was just sprucing
up for my date tonight.
Next, you'll be wanting
to use my electric razor.
Oh, no. I'm growing a beard.
My little filly likes to
sing along with Ed.
You really look forward to going
on these moonlight rides, huh?
Yes, sir.
Your riding club ought to have
them more than once a month.
So you can see more of
that cute little French filly Gigi?
Ooh-la-la.
She's got a figure
that should be on the cover
of Playhorse magazine.
Come on in your stall. Come on.
Ah, Gigi.
Go on, go on.
Hypnotism Made Easy.
Where'd you get this book?
I sent away for it.
Figured I'd try it
on Gigi tonight.
Ed, hypnotism is a
very serious thing.
It's not for amateurs.
Who says she's an amateur?
Hm, you shine your shoes,
but you won't let me shine mine.
- Wilbur.
- Yeah?
Kay just dropped in.
She and Roger had
another one of their quarrels.
Oh?
I told them that we'd take
them to a movie tonight.
- Okay?
- Tonight?
No, I don't think so.
This is the night my
riding club meets.
Oh, you can skip
it for one night.
No, I can't.
It's the moonlight ride
we have once a month.
Ed's been looking forward...
I've been looking forward to it.
When was the last time we've
been out in the moonlight?
You don't belong to the club.
Not that you have to.
It's a bunch of fellas
with their horses.
They go out riding...
I'm glad we never fight, honey.
Sit down, Wilbur.
I think it's time
we had a little talk.
Listen, Carol... - Sit. - Sit.
Wilbur, if I asked
you a question,
would you give me
an honest answer?
Sure. What do you want to know?
The truth.
If that horse and
I were drowning,
who would you save?
That's a silly question.
You know what a
good swimmer Ed is.
Oh, what's the use?
That horse has you hypnotized.
All right, Carol, you
win, you win, you win.
I'll take you to
the movies tonight.
Are you sure Ed can spare you?
Oh, look, dear, I know
I've been neglectful,
but from now on, it'll
just be you and me
and the moonlight. Okay?
Okay.
[mocking Carol] That
horse has you hypnotized.
That horse has you hypnotized.
[normal voice] Hey, why not?
For once, that blonde
gave me a good idea.
"Animals have been known
to hypnotize human beings.
"There are accounts
of African natives
who have been transfixed
by the stare of a lion."
[Wilbur whistling]
Uh-oh. Here he comes.
If this works, Wilbur won't
be leaving me alone tonight.
Hi, Ed.
Carol and I will be
leaving in a minute.
Anything I can do before we go?
Uh, yeah, Wilbur.
One little thing.
I've got something
in my left eye, Wilbur.
Will you take it out?
Sure thing. Sure.
Ed, I hope you're
not too disappointed
in my calling off our
moonlight ride tonight.
Why, no, Wilbur.
A wife comes before a horse.
That's the law of the jungle.
I don't see anything
in your eye, Ed.
Look closer, Wilbur.
Closer.
Keep looking in my eye, Wilbur.
Keep looking.
Are you looking in my eye?
I'm looking in your eye.
When I count 3,
you will fall into a deep sleep.
I will fall into a deep sleep.
1, 2, 3.
[Ed laughs]
Looks like he's under.
I'd better test.
- Wilbur.
- Yes?
You're a chicken.
Flap your wings.
We could use some
eggs for breakfast,
but I haven't got the heart.
Wilbur.
Yes?
When it's time to
go to the movie,
you won't be able to
get out of your chair.
Repeat.
I won't be able to
get out of my chair.
Yeah. When I count
3, you will wake up.
1, 2, 3.
I don't see anything
in your eye, Ed.
It must have been
my imagination.
Okay. See you later.
Enjoy the movie, Wilbur.
[clucks like a chicken]
While I had him under,
I should have hit him
up for a few carrots.
Sorry I took so long, kids.
Oh, dear, I hope we don't
miss the beginning of the picture.
Let's go in our car.
It's parked in the street.
All right.
Coming, Wilbur?
I can't get up.
Are you all right?
I'm all right.
I just can't seem to
get out of this chair.
This hypnosis really works.
Ed, you're a devil.
Oh, come on, Wilbur.
You got your laugh.
Now let's get started.
Help me.
I think it's fallen asleep.
What's fallen asleep?
Guess.
I can't get out.
Do you think it's
a muscle cramp?
Could be his sacroiliac.
Maybe he's wearing
magnetic shorts.
Hey, girls.
I'll hold the chair in back,
and you pull from the front.
All right.
Come on, Wilbur, try.
Oh, thank goodness.
I can't get out.
It's a trick.
He just wants me to leave
so he can go on that moonlight
ride with that precious horse.
That's not true.
Oh, I did so want
to catch this picture.
They say there's a scene
in a Paris dress shop...
Move over, Wilbur. I'm with you.
Never mind. I'll go
without you, Diamond Jim.
Come on, Kay.
- But, Carol.
- Kay, be reasonable.
Are you going to open
that joint checking account,
or do I go alone?
Enjoy the picture, my dear.
All right, Wilbur, they've gone.
You can stop playing games
and take your horse rowing
or whatever you
were going to do.
I am not playing games.
I can't get out of the chair.
If I were you,
I'd call a surgeon
and have that thing removed.
Now, Roger, I am
not playing ga...
Hi, Ed.
Well, I thought you
went to the movies.
No, I had a little
fight with Carol,
so she went by herself.
Oh, what a shame.
Looks like we'll have to go
on that moonlight ride after all.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, Ed, the
strangest thing happened.
I sat down on the chair,
and you won't believe this,
but I couldn't get up again.
- No?
- Yeah.
I can't understand how...
Hypnotism Made Easy.
No, no, no.
"Animals have been
known to hypno..."
So you had something
in your eye, did you?
It was only a
little joke, Wilbur.
You aren't a horse,
you're a witch.
A Svengali.
I'm sorry, Trilby.
Uh, Wilbur.
I didn't think it would work.
Oh, you didn't, huh?
No. You just happen
to have a weak head.
You are liable to
have a weak tail
when I get through with you.
Of all the lowdown tricks.
You know, Carol may
never talk to me again.
Look, Wilbur, I
like talking with you,
but if we don't get started,
we'll be late for that ride.
I'm staying home,
so if you're worried
about being late,
you better take a taxi.
You enjoy the picture
last night, dear?
That bad, huh?
They don't make them
the way they used to.
That's just as well because
they used to be terrible.
Right, dear?
[clears throat]
You know what I've always
admired about you, Carol?
You are so pretty
in the morning.
And that's the test
of a real beauty,
if she's pretty in the morning.
How does your horse
look in the morning?
Terrible.
His eyes are all bloodshot,
his tail is snarled.
He's a mess.
Ooh!
I'm hungry.
Before you fell in
love with your horse,
you should have found
out if he could cook.
Look, honey, about last night,
I didn't take Ed out.
You didn't take me out, either.
You ran out of the house.
Only because I got tired
of playing musical chairs.
About last night, Carol.
You know, the
strangest thing happened.
I sat down in the chair,
and all of a sudden,
I must've had a muscle
spasm or something,
because I had a sudden pain.
You know something?
You're not going
to believe this,
but when I tried
to get up, I sud...
Just the way I like it.
Kay, I'm so glad you're not
angry with me about last night.
How was the picture?
Oh, you wouldn't have
liked the show anyway, doll.
It was a woman's picture.
Oh, what a performance.
It wouldn't surprise me if
she gets an Academy Award.
Who was she?
I don't remember her name.
But you should've
seen her at the opening,
when she comes into the hotel
wearing a tangerine vicuña coat
with a gorgeous,
wide, blue fox collar
and a fabulous Princess Toya hat
trimmed with gold sequins.
Tell me more. You've
got my tongue hanging out.
There on the floor,
she saw a handsome man
who had just been murdered.
Who was he?
He was the fella who
had been dating the girl
in the black brocade sheath
with the white organdy trim.
He had it coming to him.
Addison, guess what.
I checked all over
town this morning,
and I finally found a place
that sells those vicuña coats.
Don't you ever go to see
a John Wayne picture?
Doll, we're going to the
bank right after breakfast
and open that joint
checking account.
Over my blue serge,
single-breasted, pearl-buttoned body.
I'm tired of being doled
out an allowance like a child.
If I have to, I'll go out
and earn my own money.
Oh, you don't think I could
go out and work, do you?
No.
Kay, you are a model wife,
but not a working model.
Wilbur, if Kay can
go out and work,
I don't see any
reason why I can't.
But you don't have to.
You already have a
joint checking account.
Also a joint husband account.
With a horse.
You know, maybe if
I weren't around here
to wait on you hand and
foot, you just may realize
that a wife is just as
important as a horse.
Honey, you are as important.
More important than a horse.
If I'm not home by 6:00,
he can fix you something
out of the refrigerator.
Well, good morning, buddy boy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy.
Don't you "buddy
buddy buddy boy" me.
Thanks to you,
Carol's out working,
and I've got to do housework.
Don't yell at me.
I'm just a poor, dumb beast.
Dumb? Dumb like a fox.
You started that fight
between Carol and me.
One more word, and I'll
go home to my mother.
Stop with that sympathy bit.
Maybe I'll hit the road.
Ride the rods, or go
door-to-door bumming hay.
Good. Why don't you start now
so you can get home
in time for dinner?
Wife lover.
[hums]
What are you doing,
practicing judo?
This darn ironing
board has three legs.
I don't know how
Carol gets it to stick.
I just came over to borrow
some furniture polish, little mother.
It's in one of those
drawers, Grandmother.
I don't know if this
was such a great idea,
letting our wives go to work.
They've only been
on the job three days.
You mark my words.
By the end of the week, they'll
be ready to throw in the towel.
And I'll have to iron it.
I don't know.
I still don't like the idea
of Carol working in
a department store.
I make enough to
support the two of us.
They took these jobs
as salesgirls on purpose,
knowing we'd ask them to
quit, but we're going to fool them.
You know why?
Because you want
your wife to support you.
Not true. I want Kay to
learn the value of a dollar.
Then perhaps I will let her
share in my checking account.
I wish I could convince
Carol that I think more of her
than I do of my horse.
I have a radical suggestion.
Send your horse out to work,
and keep your wife home.
Oh.
How clever.
Why don't you wax the
floor while you're down there?
How's that for a meatball, Rog?
Stick a couple of holes in it,
and you can go bowling.
If you don't like my cooking,
you can go home to your wife.
Don't be so sensitive.
Get that can of tomatoes
open, will you, please,
before my spaghetti is done.
The Brinks mob
couldn't open this can.
I still say you should
make the meat sauce
before you make the spaghetti.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
You put the meat sauce on
top of the spaghetti, don't you?
- Yeah.
- All right.
If you put the meat sauce
on top of the spaghetti,
the spaghetti has to
be there first, right?
Wilbur, it still isn't too late
to make hot dogs with beans.
I don't run that
kind of kitchen.
Please get the
can open, will you?
The girls will be home any
minute, and they'll want their dinner.
I got to see how those
kitchen commandos are doing.
This is ridiculous.
I got to get Carol back.
My mother didn't raise
her son to be a daughter.
I can get Kay back anytime
by offering her a
joint checking account,
but you have a
much deeper problem.
You will always have trouble
as long as you have
that horse around.
Oh, you think so?
[Ed cries]
I couldn't open this
can with a blowtorch.
You need a little ingenuity.
Stand back, will
you, boy? Stand back.
One deft blow.
Kay, maybe we shouldn't
have quit the jobs.
I think our husbands
were weakening.
So were my arches.
Oh!
Mine, too.
I'm bushed from trying to
outrun that fresh floorwalker.
Me, too.
High heels just don't stand a
chance against track shoes.
Well, shall we go in
and take our medicine?
Might as well. My pill
will be waiting for me.
How's the spaghetti coming?
I guess it should be a
little looser, huh, Rog?
I haven't had a decent
meal since Kay went to work.
Now you've ruined this one.
All right, throw me
out of the chefs' union.
[sighs]
- Addison.
- Kay.
Kay, you can have your
joint checking account.
Quit your job. Come home and
cook me a decent meal right now.
For the first time in my
life, I have to admit this...
- I need you.
- You do?
Oh, boy, do I need you.
Why, doll!
- Honey, I...
- Carol, I...
What he says goes for
me. I want you at home.
Oh, Wilbur, do you really?
Look at this.
Spaghetti on a stick.
About me spending
so much time with Ed...
Oh, Wilbur, I was
being very childish.
I shouldn't be
jealous of your horse.
Oh, honey,
Mister Ed should be
my worst competitor.
No, you're right. You're
my wife, and from now on,
I'm going to give you
my undivided attention.
I'll start your dinner.
Dinner! I'll be right back.
I forgot to feed Ed.
Well, I guess this is it.
Good-bye, old buddy.
I'm going to take
your picture with me.
I always want to have the
memories of the happy years
we spent together.
I love you, Wilbur,
and I don't want to be the
cause of your unhappiness.
So it's good-bye.
Auf wiedersehen.
Sayonara.
[Ed sobs]
- Ed, wait a minute.
- Oh, Wilbur.
Don't leave.
I love you, too.
Oh, you ought to hate me.
No, Ed. No matter what you did,
I could never hate you.
You mean too much to me.
Wilbur, I've got a
confession to make.
You have?
When I made that
beautiful speech just now,
I knew you were
standing behind me.
Oh, you big phony!
Ed, I will tell you
again. You're wrong.
Carol is very fond of you.
That's hard to believe.
Wilbur, dinner's ready.
Oh, fine.
It's your favorite, pot roast.
Wonderful.
I brought a little something
for Mister Ed, too.
Some carrots.
- See, I told you.
- Told me what?
Oh, that pot roast
is my favorite.
Here, Mister Ed.
That's a boy.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Oh, all right.
Here. Have some more.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the
answer that you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways presentation.