Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 3, Episode 14 - Ed and the Bicycle - full transcript
When Ed refuses to apologize for misbehaving at the park, Wilbur starts riding a bicycle to get even.
[whinnies]
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Ohhhhh.
Ed, what's the matter?
Let's go home.
So soon? Why?
My feet hurt.
You're just goofing off.
Your feet do not hurt.
You try walking
around with iron shoes.
What do you want me to do,
buy you a pair of sneakers?
No fooling, Wilbur.
I think I've got flat feet.
I'm not asking you
to do a toe dance.
I just want a nice
ride around the park.
- Is that asking too much
of a horse?
- This horse, yeah.
I don't want any more back talk.
We are finishing our
ride around the park.
Ohhh.
Dictator.
Come on. Let's finish our ride.
Ed, what are you doing?
Didn't you see that sign that
says "Keep off the grass"?
Yeah, I saw it, but I'm
taking the shortcut home.
[whistle blowing]
Now look what you've done.
Here comes a policeman.
Didn't you see the sign, sir?
Well, yes. Yes.
But you see, Officer,
my horse got frightened
by a little piece of paper.
Oh, he's a
high-strung horse, huh?
Oh, you couldn't
string him any higher.
Sometimes I'd like to.
Well, I'll let you go this
time. Try to be more careful.
Thank you, Officer. I
certainly appreciate it.
Fathead.
Two.
One, two. One, two.
One, two. One...
Kay, you're supposed
to touch your toes.
Are you kidding?
I haven't touched my toes
since I was 6 months old.
Our physical fitness program
is not going to do us any good
unless we work at it.
Oh, I don't know, sweetie.
Some people were
built for exercise.
I was built for
long, quiet naps.
Are you giving up already?
Oh, no. I think
exercise is wonderful,
but there must be
an easier way to do it.
I know. Let's go
window shopping.
They say exercise is
healthier in the open air.
Okay. Maybe we
ought to go in for hiking
or bicycling, skiing.
Bicycle. That's
a wonderful idea.
Sweetie, I saw the cutest outfit
in Sorrentino's Import Shop.
It's just right for cycling.
The sweater is
sort of an Italian knit,
and the skirt has
a Swiss effect.
It sounds stunning.
Oh, but don't you
think this hobby
might go into a little
too much money?
Well, if it gets too expensive,
we can buy the outfit
and forget the bicycles, okay?
[groans] See you later, sweetie.
Kay, what's the matter?
Oh, exercise to trim the figure.
Oh, let it spread.
- Honey.
- Hmm?
- Guess what.
- What?
Kay and I are going
to buy bicycles.
Swell. When you work up a
nice paper route, I can retire.
No, I'm serious.
It's a great exercise.
And you read what that
magazine article said
about Americans being soft.
Well, I happen to
like soft Americans.
You silly.
Really. Kay and I are so
excited about getting bicycles.
Yeah, if I had any sense,
that's what I'd be riding.
- You know what that horse
did to me today?
- What?
- He got me a citation.
- What happened?
The sign distinctly said
"Keep off the grass."
But no, no. He had
to be a wise guy.
How can you blame
Ed? Horses can't read.
Yeah, well, this one ca...
Well, he has seen enough signs
to be sure they say something.
Wilbur, he's just a dumb animal.
He's dumb like a fox.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna take this
fine out of his oats.
[Ed clears throat]
No hello. Nothing.
You think it's gonna rain?
Uh, how do you think the
Dodgers'll do next season?
Hey, Wilbur, my mouth is moving.
Is anything coming out?
That's a great model, Wilbur.
You're a great architect.
Really great.
That was a dirty trick you
pulled on me in the park.
You know, that ticket's
gonna cost me $10.
I wanted to go
home. My feet hurt.
You know your trouble, Ed?
You will never admit when
you've made a mistake.
- Wilbur... - Don't interrupt.
Just listen. Just listen.
You see, it takes a big horse
to say when he's been wrong.
And I'm not a big horse.
Are you sorry for what you did?
No.
You're a little horse, Ed.
You're a puny,
tiny, little horse.
You don't like the Dodgers, huh?
Never mind that.
Now, look, Ed, if you
want me to forgive you,
all you've got to
do is say "I'm sorry."
Okay.
If you insist on
acting like a child,
I'm going to punish you.
Ed,
I'm gonna take away this
TV set until you apologize.
Wait, Wilbur.
There's a Charlie
Chan movie on tonight.
Not for you.
As Charlie Chan would say,
[Chinese accent]
"Number one horse
now behind number 8 ball."
Big deal.
[gong bangs on TV]
[Man] What do you make of
the murder incident, Mr. Chan?
[Chan] Humble inspector
suspect knife in victim's heart.
One of these people
still in this room.
[Man] How long would you
say the butler's been dead?
[Chan] Ah.
Watch on dead man's
wrist stop at 9:00.
Clock on wall say...
Murderer must have
tampered with clock.
Excuse me, dear.
What are you doing, Wilbur?
The reflection from
the lamp in the screen.
- Oh.
- Sit down here.
[Man] Too bad we didn't get
here before the butler was shot.
Now it'll be just that much
harder to solve this case.
[Chan] Ah, no. Fact
that butler murdered
makes solving case easier.
Now we know what
needs to be done.
[gunshots]
[Woman screaming]
[scuffling]
I feel a draft,
honey. Excuse me.
[clattering]
[glass shattering]
[clattering continues]
Why are you so fidgety tonight?
I'm not fidgety.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
They should make
bigger keyholes.
What was that?
I'll go see. It must be
somebody at the door.
- Excuse me, dear.
- [Man] Inspector Chan,
how were you able to deduce
the lady at the bar
was a recent widow?
Put black olive in her martini.
Uh, what is it, little girl?
No, thank you. We have
enough Girl Scout cookies.
Well, you better
run along home now.
It's getting late.
Who was it, Wilbur?
Huh? Well, it was a little
Girl Scout selling cookies.
Why didn't you buy some?
She's all sold out.
Then why did she come here?
I don't know. That's
why I sent her home.
- What are you doing?
- I told you,
there's an awful draft here.
♪♪ [Chinese folk]
[grunting]
[gunshots]
[tires screeching]
- [gunshots]
- [whistle blowing]
[phone ringing]
[groans] Excuse me, hon.
Don't let them do a
thing till I get back.
[gunshots continue]
Hello?
Oh, no.
Thanks for calling.
I'll be right down.
[groans]
Who was it, Wilbur?
Joe Sullivan over
at the TV store.
He says Ed has
wandered into town.
- No.
- Yeah. Silly horse.
I'm really gonna
have a talk with him.
- What?
- Uh, Joe Sullivan.
I'm really gonna have a
talk with him and thank him.
- Wilbur!
- Huh?
You can't go out like that. You've
got your bedroom slippers on.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Wilbur, wait!
[tires screeching]
Wilbur!
[crash]
Come on now. You get in there.
Ed, you know, you
should be ashamed.
Getting me out in
the middle of the night.
Just what have you got
to say for yourself anyway?
Just one thing.
- Yes?
- Who killed
Charlie Chan's buddy?
Never mind that.
I think it was
that little old lady.
Oh, well, you're wrong.
She was working for the FBI...
Don't change the subject.
Holler, but don't hit.
Well, I am still
waiting for an apology.
Ed, by now, surely you've
learned enough to say "I'm sorry."
And then will I get my TV back?
That's right. Well?
So that little old lady
worked for the FBI, huh?
Stop stalling.
Ed, is it so much to admit
you made a mistake?
Look, when I have an
argument with Carol,
I'm not too stubborn
to say I'm sorry.
Hey, how come you're the
one who always apologizes?
Well, in married life,
sometimes you have to give in,
even though you
think you're right.
Then make believe we're married,
and you say you're sorry.
I'm sorry?
Okay. I accept your apology.
That does it.
All right. Forget
about that TV set.
And you might as
well go on, get to sleep,
because you're getting up early in
the morning, and we're gonna go riding,
and I'll be galloping
all the way.
Not on my back.
Huh? Then I'll go
riding without you.
Aw, you'll look silly riding
around in an empty saddle.
I will not be riding
in an empty saddle.
Oh? You getting another horse?
You'll find out.
And I know who killed
Charlie Chan's buddy,
but now you can
figure it out for yourself.
Think it over, kid.
Addison, I think you're
being unreasonable.
$500 is too much for a bicycle.
500? All I want is 50.
Sure. 50 for the bike
and 450 for the outfit.
Oh, stop exaggerating. I
should think you'd be happy
that your wife wants
to exercise and keep fit.
You want some exercise? Here.
Kill a few bugs.
Don't tempt me.
Kay, you can get all the exercise
you want around the house.
For one thing, you could get rid of
your automatic washing machine.
There's nothing like bending over an
old-fashioned washboard for exercise.
Why don't I just take my
laundry down to the river
and slap it on the rocks?
Oh, Addison, be a good doll.
Kay, the whole idea is childish.
You're not cut out for
this sort of nonsense.
Oh, please. Carol's
getting a bike.
Carol is a lot
younger than you are.
What do you mean, a lot?
Well, I don't
necessarily mean a lot.
[stammering]
[stammering continues]
Uh, uh, I have no objection
to your getting a bicycle.
Okay? Yeah. There you are.
- Isn't this fun, Kay?
- I'm having a ball.
- Ohh.
- [whistles]
Is this a private club,
or can anybody join in?
Oh, honey.
I thought you were kidding
when you said you
were getting a bike.
- Well, how do you like it?
- Real sharp.
I'll bet you're gonna enjoy this
more than horseback riding.
Well, it's... It's
a lot smoother.
And, come to think
of it, a lot less trouble.
Well, now, if we can
get Addison to buy one,
we'll have our own little group.
- Can Roger ride a bike?
- I doubt it.
I bet he'd fall
out of his stroller.
[Roger] Thank you.
It's nice to know I have
friends living nearby.
[Wilbur] No offense
intended, Rog.
[Carol] We were just saying
how nice if you could join us.
But since you can't
ride... Who can't?
In my cycling days, they
used to call me Mr. Wheels.
Oh. Well, won't you give us
a little sample, uh, Wheelsie?
Very well.
Um, doll, you'd better not...
One side, woman, if you please.
Honey, can't you stop him?
Too late now. He's in the
hands of his insurance company.
I can't believe it.
Careful, Addison.
Oh!
If you're interested,
lessons are $2.00 an hour.
[sputters]
You were great, Mr. Wheels.
- Just fabulous.
- I'm really proud of you, doll.
Look at the color in his
cheeks. Doesn't he look healthy?
Yeah. I didn't
know he had blood.
Come on, Rog. Buy
a bike and join us.
What do you say, doll?
All right.
You know, I thought I was
too old for this sort of thing,
but I have to admit I was wrong.
- Attaboy, Rog.
- Of course you were.
You know, it
takes a big horse...
A big man to admit
when he's wrong.
Come on with Mother, doll.
I'll help you pick out a bike.
Wait a minute. Let's all take
a ride up to Pineview Park.
Wonderful. Meanwhile,
I'll fix a nice picnic lunch.
- Good.
- Yeah, the chocolate cake.
- Yeah, the chocolate cake.
- Yeah, that's the one.
Kay, come on.
See you later now. Hurry up.
You can get killed on
those things, Wilbur.
I'll take my chances.
What'll I do while you're gone?
You can do anything you want.
I don't have a TV set.
Are you ready to
say you're sorry?
[groaning]
- [Carol] Here, darling.
- [Wilbur] All right.
- You guys did a wonderful job.
- Kay.
- Anybody like a banana?
- Not yet. Thank you.
- This is the one
with pickled egg.
- Thank you, Carol.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, fellas, you know,
this physical fitness
program isn't a bad idea.
Everybody should keep
themselves in shape.
- Yeah. And there's nothing
like cycling to do it.
- That's right.
[Wilbur] Whoever
heard of a fat bicycle?
[Carol] Now, instead
of riding Ed on Sundays,
we can all be together.
- Not a bad idea.
- Thank you, Carol.
[laughs]
Yeah, I'll fix this.
[air hissing]
- I got a potato chip...
- Wilbur...
[air hissing]
Where shall we ride next Sunday?
Hey, I have an idea.
How about Canoga Park?
- Mmm.
- Canoga Park?
That's 20 miles from the house.
Instead of the bikes,
we'll take a bus.
[thunderclap]
Ooh. Goodness. Look
at those dark clouds.
Hey, we'd better
start home, huh?
Physical fitness. I knew
this was a terrible idea.
We'll all get pneumonia.
We're gonna get drowned.
If we hurry, we'll get home
before it rains. Don't worry.
[all talking at once]
Here. Leave nothing
lying around that's messy.
- Thanks.
- Come on.
Before we get soaked,
let's get out of here.
[thunderclap continues]
[chattering]
Oh-oh-oh-oh.
I know we're gonna
get caught in it.
[thunderclap continues]
Wilbur, what
happened? You all right?
I'm all right, but my
bikes got two flat tires.
- Ohhh.
- What happened?
I don't know. They just
chickened out on me.
Look, there's no sense in
all of us getting drenched.
You kids go on ahead. I'll walk.
- Wait a minute, Wilbur.
- No. I insist, Rog.
It's my bike.
You ride, I'll walk.
Naturally. I just want
to get the sandwiches
so they don't get ruined.
- I had a feeling he'd say that.
- [thunderclap continues]
- Carol, hurry up.
- You go on, honey.
I don't want you to get wet.
Well, all right.
- Please take care, honey.
- Yeah.
- Hurry, huh?
- Don't worry, dear. Don't worry.
Well, Wheelsie, you're the
new head of the wagon train.
Bicycles... [yells]
Bikes.
Ed never had flat tires.
Uh, h-hi, Wilbur.
Hello, Ed.
[groans]
What a day.
What happened?
[sighs]
I got two flat tires.
Had to walk all the way.
Gee, I didn't think it
was going to rain today.
A-A-Achoo!
Gesundheit.
Thank you-ou... Achoo!
Poor Wilbur.
You're catching cold.
Well, I do feel
a little bit chilly.
[thunderclap continues]
Here, buddy boy.
Wrap my blanket around you.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
I'm all ri... Achoo!
Your face is hot. I
think you got a fever.
Oh, I'm all right, Ed.
Oh, if anything happens to you,
I'll never forgive myself.
It's not your fault, Ed.
Oh, yes, it is.
I flattened your tires.
What?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
Please don't get sick.
You're all I've got.
You flattened my tires?
Yeah. And about that
cop yesterday... Yes?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
Ed, you said it.
You finally said "I'm sorry."
Oh, Ed, I'm proud of you.
Thank y-y... A-A-A-Achoo!
Ed, you're catching my cold.
You better get under
this blanket with me.
- Yeah.
- [sighs]
- All right?
- Yeah.
I'm glad I got your bug, Wilbur.
That's togetherness.
- A-A-Achoo!
- Achoo!
Well, there we are, Ed.
Look what you are getting back.
Oh, boy!
Late, Late Show, here I come.
[laughs]
Attaboy.
Hey.
Ed, who took this drawer
out of my filing cabinet?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
I was looking for my carrots.
I have spoken to you
a hundred times about
eating in my office.
Ed, you are being
mischievous again.
- I'm sorry, Wilbur.
- You don't look sorry.
As a matter of fact, you
look downright happy.
I'm sorry I'm happy.
I mean, I'm happy I'm not sorry.
Ed, what am I gonna do with you?
Uh, love me, Wilbur.
I'm the sorriest
horse a man ever had.
Someday... Someday,
Ed, [whimpering]
I'm gonna trade you
in for a talking cat.
[crying]
[Ed laughing]
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways presentation.
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Ohhhhh.
Ed, what's the matter?
Let's go home.
So soon? Why?
My feet hurt.
You're just goofing off.
Your feet do not hurt.
You try walking
around with iron shoes.
What do you want me to do,
buy you a pair of sneakers?
No fooling, Wilbur.
I think I've got flat feet.
I'm not asking you
to do a toe dance.
I just want a nice
ride around the park.
- Is that asking too much
of a horse?
- This horse, yeah.
I don't want any more back talk.
We are finishing our
ride around the park.
Ohhh.
Dictator.
Come on. Let's finish our ride.
Ed, what are you doing?
Didn't you see that sign that
says "Keep off the grass"?
Yeah, I saw it, but I'm
taking the shortcut home.
[whistle blowing]
Now look what you've done.
Here comes a policeman.
Didn't you see the sign, sir?
Well, yes. Yes.
But you see, Officer,
my horse got frightened
by a little piece of paper.
Oh, he's a
high-strung horse, huh?
Oh, you couldn't
string him any higher.
Sometimes I'd like to.
Well, I'll let you go this
time. Try to be more careful.
Thank you, Officer. I
certainly appreciate it.
Fathead.
Two.
One, two. One, two.
One, two. One...
Kay, you're supposed
to touch your toes.
Are you kidding?
I haven't touched my toes
since I was 6 months old.
Our physical fitness program
is not going to do us any good
unless we work at it.
Oh, I don't know, sweetie.
Some people were
built for exercise.
I was built for
long, quiet naps.
Are you giving up already?
Oh, no. I think
exercise is wonderful,
but there must be
an easier way to do it.
I know. Let's go
window shopping.
They say exercise is
healthier in the open air.
Okay. Maybe we
ought to go in for hiking
or bicycling, skiing.
Bicycle. That's
a wonderful idea.
Sweetie, I saw the cutest outfit
in Sorrentino's Import Shop.
It's just right for cycling.
The sweater is
sort of an Italian knit,
and the skirt has
a Swiss effect.
It sounds stunning.
Oh, but don't you
think this hobby
might go into a little
too much money?
Well, if it gets too expensive,
we can buy the outfit
and forget the bicycles, okay?
[groans] See you later, sweetie.
Kay, what's the matter?
Oh, exercise to trim the figure.
Oh, let it spread.
- Honey.
- Hmm?
- Guess what.
- What?
Kay and I are going
to buy bicycles.
Swell. When you work up a
nice paper route, I can retire.
No, I'm serious.
It's a great exercise.
And you read what that
magazine article said
about Americans being soft.
Well, I happen to
like soft Americans.
You silly.
Really. Kay and I are so
excited about getting bicycles.
Yeah, if I had any sense,
that's what I'd be riding.
- You know what that horse
did to me today?
- What?
- He got me a citation.
- What happened?
The sign distinctly said
"Keep off the grass."
But no, no. He had
to be a wise guy.
How can you blame
Ed? Horses can't read.
Yeah, well, this one ca...
Well, he has seen enough signs
to be sure they say something.
Wilbur, he's just a dumb animal.
He's dumb like a fox.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna take this
fine out of his oats.
[Ed clears throat]
No hello. Nothing.
You think it's gonna rain?
Uh, how do you think the
Dodgers'll do next season?
Hey, Wilbur, my mouth is moving.
Is anything coming out?
That's a great model, Wilbur.
You're a great architect.
Really great.
That was a dirty trick you
pulled on me in the park.
You know, that ticket's
gonna cost me $10.
I wanted to go
home. My feet hurt.
You know your trouble, Ed?
You will never admit when
you've made a mistake.
- Wilbur... - Don't interrupt.
Just listen. Just listen.
You see, it takes a big horse
to say when he's been wrong.
And I'm not a big horse.
Are you sorry for what you did?
No.
You're a little horse, Ed.
You're a puny,
tiny, little horse.
You don't like the Dodgers, huh?
Never mind that.
Now, look, Ed, if you
want me to forgive you,
all you've got to
do is say "I'm sorry."
Okay.
If you insist on
acting like a child,
I'm going to punish you.
Ed,
I'm gonna take away this
TV set until you apologize.
Wait, Wilbur.
There's a Charlie
Chan movie on tonight.
Not for you.
As Charlie Chan would say,
[Chinese accent]
"Number one horse
now behind number 8 ball."
Big deal.
[gong bangs on TV]
[Man] What do you make of
the murder incident, Mr. Chan?
[Chan] Humble inspector
suspect knife in victim's heart.
One of these people
still in this room.
[Man] How long would you
say the butler's been dead?
[Chan] Ah.
Watch on dead man's
wrist stop at 9:00.
Clock on wall say...
Murderer must have
tampered with clock.
Excuse me, dear.
What are you doing, Wilbur?
The reflection from
the lamp in the screen.
- Oh.
- Sit down here.
[Man] Too bad we didn't get
here before the butler was shot.
Now it'll be just that much
harder to solve this case.
[Chan] Ah, no. Fact
that butler murdered
makes solving case easier.
Now we know what
needs to be done.
[gunshots]
[Woman screaming]
[scuffling]
I feel a draft,
honey. Excuse me.
[clattering]
[glass shattering]
[clattering continues]
Why are you so fidgety tonight?
I'm not fidgety.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
They should make
bigger keyholes.
What was that?
I'll go see. It must be
somebody at the door.
- Excuse me, dear.
- [Man] Inspector Chan,
how were you able to deduce
the lady at the bar
was a recent widow?
Put black olive in her martini.
Uh, what is it, little girl?
No, thank you. We have
enough Girl Scout cookies.
Well, you better
run along home now.
It's getting late.
Who was it, Wilbur?
Huh? Well, it was a little
Girl Scout selling cookies.
Why didn't you buy some?
She's all sold out.
Then why did she come here?
I don't know. That's
why I sent her home.
- What are you doing?
- I told you,
there's an awful draft here.
♪♪ [Chinese folk]
[grunting]
[gunshots]
[tires screeching]
- [gunshots]
- [whistle blowing]
[phone ringing]
[groans] Excuse me, hon.
Don't let them do a
thing till I get back.
[gunshots continue]
Hello?
Oh, no.
Thanks for calling.
I'll be right down.
[groans]
Who was it, Wilbur?
Joe Sullivan over
at the TV store.
He says Ed has
wandered into town.
- No.
- Yeah. Silly horse.
I'm really gonna
have a talk with him.
- What?
- Uh, Joe Sullivan.
I'm really gonna have a
talk with him and thank him.
- Wilbur!
- Huh?
You can't go out like that. You've
got your bedroom slippers on.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Wilbur, wait!
[tires screeching]
Wilbur!
[crash]
Come on now. You get in there.
Ed, you know, you
should be ashamed.
Getting me out in
the middle of the night.
Just what have you got
to say for yourself anyway?
Just one thing.
- Yes?
- Who killed
Charlie Chan's buddy?
Never mind that.
I think it was
that little old lady.
Oh, well, you're wrong.
She was working for the FBI...
Don't change the subject.
Holler, but don't hit.
Well, I am still
waiting for an apology.
Ed, by now, surely you've
learned enough to say "I'm sorry."
And then will I get my TV back?
That's right. Well?
So that little old lady
worked for the FBI, huh?
Stop stalling.
Ed, is it so much to admit
you made a mistake?
Look, when I have an
argument with Carol,
I'm not too stubborn
to say I'm sorry.
Hey, how come you're the
one who always apologizes?
Well, in married life,
sometimes you have to give in,
even though you
think you're right.
Then make believe we're married,
and you say you're sorry.
I'm sorry?
Okay. I accept your apology.
That does it.
All right. Forget
about that TV set.
And you might as
well go on, get to sleep,
because you're getting up early in
the morning, and we're gonna go riding,
and I'll be galloping
all the way.
Not on my back.
Huh? Then I'll go
riding without you.
Aw, you'll look silly riding
around in an empty saddle.
I will not be riding
in an empty saddle.
Oh? You getting another horse?
You'll find out.
And I know who killed
Charlie Chan's buddy,
but now you can
figure it out for yourself.
Think it over, kid.
Addison, I think you're
being unreasonable.
$500 is too much for a bicycle.
500? All I want is 50.
Sure. 50 for the bike
and 450 for the outfit.
Oh, stop exaggerating. I
should think you'd be happy
that your wife wants
to exercise and keep fit.
You want some exercise? Here.
Kill a few bugs.
Don't tempt me.
Kay, you can get all the exercise
you want around the house.
For one thing, you could get rid of
your automatic washing machine.
There's nothing like bending over an
old-fashioned washboard for exercise.
Why don't I just take my
laundry down to the river
and slap it on the rocks?
Oh, Addison, be a good doll.
Kay, the whole idea is childish.
You're not cut out for
this sort of nonsense.
Oh, please. Carol's
getting a bike.
Carol is a lot
younger than you are.
What do you mean, a lot?
Well, I don't
necessarily mean a lot.
[stammering]
[stammering continues]
Uh, uh, I have no objection
to your getting a bicycle.
Okay? Yeah. There you are.
- Isn't this fun, Kay?
- I'm having a ball.
- Ohh.
- [whistles]
Is this a private club,
or can anybody join in?
Oh, honey.
I thought you were kidding
when you said you
were getting a bike.
- Well, how do you like it?
- Real sharp.
I'll bet you're gonna enjoy this
more than horseback riding.
Well, it's... It's
a lot smoother.
And, come to think
of it, a lot less trouble.
Well, now, if we can
get Addison to buy one,
we'll have our own little group.
- Can Roger ride a bike?
- I doubt it.
I bet he'd fall
out of his stroller.
[Roger] Thank you.
It's nice to know I have
friends living nearby.
[Wilbur] No offense
intended, Rog.
[Carol] We were just saying
how nice if you could join us.
But since you can't
ride... Who can't?
In my cycling days, they
used to call me Mr. Wheels.
Oh. Well, won't you give us
a little sample, uh, Wheelsie?
Very well.
Um, doll, you'd better not...
One side, woman, if you please.
Honey, can't you stop him?
Too late now. He's in the
hands of his insurance company.
I can't believe it.
Careful, Addison.
Oh!
If you're interested,
lessons are $2.00 an hour.
[sputters]
You were great, Mr. Wheels.
- Just fabulous.
- I'm really proud of you, doll.
Look at the color in his
cheeks. Doesn't he look healthy?
Yeah. I didn't
know he had blood.
Come on, Rog. Buy
a bike and join us.
What do you say, doll?
All right.
You know, I thought I was
too old for this sort of thing,
but I have to admit I was wrong.
- Attaboy, Rog.
- Of course you were.
You know, it
takes a big horse...
A big man to admit
when he's wrong.
Come on with Mother, doll.
I'll help you pick out a bike.
Wait a minute. Let's all take
a ride up to Pineview Park.
Wonderful. Meanwhile,
I'll fix a nice picnic lunch.
- Good.
- Yeah, the chocolate cake.
- Yeah, the chocolate cake.
- Yeah, that's the one.
Kay, come on.
See you later now. Hurry up.
You can get killed on
those things, Wilbur.
I'll take my chances.
What'll I do while you're gone?
You can do anything you want.
I don't have a TV set.
Are you ready to
say you're sorry?
[groaning]
- [Carol] Here, darling.
- [Wilbur] All right.
- You guys did a wonderful job.
- Kay.
- Anybody like a banana?
- Not yet. Thank you.
- This is the one
with pickled egg.
- Thank you, Carol.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, fellas, you know,
this physical fitness
program isn't a bad idea.
Everybody should keep
themselves in shape.
- Yeah. And there's nothing
like cycling to do it.
- That's right.
[Wilbur] Whoever
heard of a fat bicycle?
[Carol] Now, instead
of riding Ed on Sundays,
we can all be together.
- Not a bad idea.
- Thank you, Carol.
[laughs]
Yeah, I'll fix this.
[air hissing]
- I got a potato chip...
- Wilbur...
[air hissing]
Where shall we ride next Sunday?
Hey, I have an idea.
How about Canoga Park?
- Mmm.
- Canoga Park?
That's 20 miles from the house.
Instead of the bikes,
we'll take a bus.
[thunderclap]
Ooh. Goodness. Look
at those dark clouds.
Hey, we'd better
start home, huh?
Physical fitness. I knew
this was a terrible idea.
We'll all get pneumonia.
We're gonna get drowned.
If we hurry, we'll get home
before it rains. Don't worry.
[all talking at once]
Here. Leave nothing
lying around that's messy.
- Thanks.
- Come on.
Before we get soaked,
let's get out of here.
[thunderclap continues]
[chattering]
Oh-oh-oh-oh.
I know we're gonna
get caught in it.
[thunderclap continues]
Wilbur, what
happened? You all right?
I'm all right, but my
bikes got two flat tires.
- Ohhh.
- What happened?
I don't know. They just
chickened out on me.
Look, there's no sense in
all of us getting drenched.
You kids go on ahead. I'll walk.
- Wait a minute, Wilbur.
- No. I insist, Rog.
It's my bike.
You ride, I'll walk.
Naturally. I just want
to get the sandwiches
so they don't get ruined.
- I had a feeling he'd say that.
- [thunderclap continues]
- Carol, hurry up.
- You go on, honey.
I don't want you to get wet.
Well, all right.
- Please take care, honey.
- Yeah.
- Hurry, huh?
- Don't worry, dear. Don't worry.
Well, Wheelsie, you're the
new head of the wagon train.
Bicycles... [yells]
Bikes.
Ed never had flat tires.
Uh, h-hi, Wilbur.
Hello, Ed.
[groans]
What a day.
What happened?
[sighs]
I got two flat tires.
Had to walk all the way.
Gee, I didn't think it
was going to rain today.
A-A-Achoo!
Gesundheit.
Thank you-ou... Achoo!
Poor Wilbur.
You're catching cold.
Well, I do feel
a little bit chilly.
[thunderclap continues]
Here, buddy boy.
Wrap my blanket around you.
Oh, thanks, Ed.
I'm all ri... Achoo!
Your face is hot. I
think you got a fever.
Oh, I'm all right, Ed.
Oh, if anything happens to you,
I'll never forgive myself.
It's not your fault, Ed.
Oh, yes, it is.
I flattened your tires.
What?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
Please don't get sick.
You're all I've got.
You flattened my tires?
Yeah. And about that
cop yesterday... Yes?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
Ed, you said it.
You finally said "I'm sorry."
Oh, Ed, I'm proud of you.
Thank y-y... A-A-A-Achoo!
Ed, you're catching my cold.
You better get under
this blanket with me.
- Yeah.
- [sighs]
- All right?
- Yeah.
I'm glad I got your bug, Wilbur.
That's togetherness.
- A-A-Achoo!
- Achoo!
Well, there we are, Ed.
Look what you are getting back.
Oh, boy!
Late, Late Show, here I come.
[laughs]
Attaboy.
Hey.
Ed, who took this drawer
out of my filing cabinet?
I'm sorry, Wilbur.
I was looking for my carrots.
I have spoken to you
a hundred times about
eating in my office.
Ed, you are being
mischievous again.
- I'm sorry, Wilbur.
- You don't look sorry.
As a matter of fact, you
look downright happy.
I'm sorry I'm happy.
I mean, I'm happy I'm not sorry.
Ed, what am I gonna do with you?
Uh, love me, Wilbur.
I'm the sorriest
horse a man ever had.
Someday... Someday,
Ed, [whimpering]
I'm gonna trade you
in for a talking cat.
[crying]
[Ed laughing]
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways presentation.