Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 7 - Hunting Show - full transcript
The wives horn in on Wilbur and Roger's duck hunting trip.
[whinnies]
Hello. I'm Mr. Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Hm, I'm getting a double chin.
I've got to cut down
those alfalfa snacks
when I'm watching TV.
Ed, I have got
great news for you.
We're going camping this weekend
at Mammoth Lake
in the High Sierras.
Me, too?
Sure, you and me and Addison.
Oh, boy. I've always wanted
to get out there in the woods
and just let my beard grow.
Me, too.
I've always wanted
to let my tail grow wild.
♪ Oh, give me a home ♪
♪ Where the buffa... ♪
Hey, did you say
old vinegar puss is coming, too?
That's right. I mean, the
whole trip was his idea.
I can't figure why
Addison wants me along.
He hates me.
Well, I insisted that you come.
And after all, you're my
friend, my pal, my buddy.
And we needed
somebody to carry the pack.
Oh, you do, huh?
Look, I'm a horse,
not a red cap.
Oh, Ed, stop being
temperamental.
It's not going to hurt you to
carry a few provisions for us.
You've got Addison. Let
the jackass carry the stuff.
All right. I'll rent
another horse.
Whoa-ho-ho. Now
the threats begin.
Okay, I'll go.
Atta boy, Ed. You'll
have a wonderful time.
Before I take a trip,
I got to see what
my horoscope says.
Get me my astrology book, huh?
Oh, you and your superstitions.
I'm Pisces, and us
Pisces got to be careful.
You and your Pisces.
Wilbur, look. I just bought it.
How do you like it?
Set me back 375 bucks.
Wow, that's big.
I bet the next size
comes on wheels.
Oh, boy. Any duck that gets
hit with that goes first class.
Just feel the barrels.
Huh? How does it feel?
Mm, like $375.
And worth every cent of it.
Oh, by the way, Wilbur,
what type of gun
will you be using?
Follow me.
Huh? How do you like it?
Which end does
the cork come out?
I never miss with old Betsy.
When a duck sees
me aim this at him,
he asks for a blindfold
and a cigarette.
Please, do me a favor, will you?
Never point that at a
bird when I'm around.
I hate to shoot a
duck while it's landing.
Huh. When I pull the trigger,
it'll be laughing out of the
other side of its quack-quack.
Uh, by the way, Wilbur,
did you tell Carol we were
going on this hunting trip?
Sure.
What did she say
when you told her
we are not taking
our wives along?
Nothing. Carol's a good sport.
She knows that
every now and again
us guys got to get
out there in the woods
and just let our
tails grow wild.
I... I mean our beards.
How did Kay take it?
Like a trooper.
Firing both barrels.
So we'll take the
freeway to Ventura,
and we go to the 101,
up Sepulveda Boulevard.
Go north to U.S. highway 6,
continue on to the
junction of Route 395.
That will be just
north of Homestead.
By the way, it's
a beautiful spot.
We ought to stop
up there sometime.
[coughs]
Keep on 395 to Lone
Pine through Bishop.
And then, let's see,
Mammoth Lake will
be about 13 miles west.
[coughs]
What's the matter,
honey? You feel all right?
Oh, I'm fine.
Just a little cough.
[coughs]
Coming down with a cold?
Oh, no, no, honey.
[coughs]
The doctor said it
was just the air in town.
Oh, that's right. The air
has been kind of pecu...
Doctor?
When did you see a doctor?
Oh, now, Wilbur, don't
you worry about me.
You go and have a good time.
Honey, I'd like to
take you along with us,
but you know how Roger feels.
And he's right.
I mean, honey, I think you men
should get off by yourselves
every once in a while.
[coughs]
It isn't so bad.
I mean, maybe I'll
get lucky, and it'll rain.
No, no, I'm not going
to leave you here.
I don't care how Roger
feels. You're coming along.
I'm going to tell him right now.
[coughs]
[coughs]
You're wasting
your time, Camille.
I am not taking you along.
I wouldn't go if you begged me.
[phone rings]
Well, let me answer it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Carol.
He did?
We are?
Well, I'll start
packing right away.
Uh, thanks for calling, sweetie.
Oh, Addison, guess what.
Some idiot is taking his
wife along on a hunting trip.
You certainly are, doll.
Oh, we'll make a
perfect foursome.
That's right.
Wilbur, Carol,
you, and the horse.
Oh, Addison, you're impossible.
Roger.
Roger, we have got
to take Carol with us.
The poor kid is
coughing her head off.
And the doctor says
that it's going to get worse
unless the rains and
weather clears up
and the air gets
a little better.
But you know how
dry it's been lately, Rog.
Well, Ed, the girls are
going along with us,
so tomorrow at the crack of dawn
we'll be heading
for the tall timber.
I'm not going.
What do you mean?
I thought you were
excited about this trip.
I just read my horoscope,
and the news is not good.
Ed, what are you talking about?
I'm a Pisces, and it says
if I leave town tomorrow,
disaster will befall me.
Look, will you forget
about these superstitions?
Nothing can happen to you.
Why, you walk around with
four horseshoes all the time.
I wouldn't leave
this barn tomorrow
for all the carrots in Kansas.
Ed, I'm surprised at you.
Don't you know that superstition
is based on ignorance?
So I'm stupid, but I'm alive.
Now, you listen to me,
you cowardly Pisces.
Now, Ed, you're
behaving like a child.
Now there is nothing...
What is my shoe doing
nailed over your door?
I put it there for good luck.
Ed, you're going to
have the time of your life.
Now, in the morning, I'll
wake you up, feed you.
I'll put you in
your little trailer.
I'll hitch you to the
car, and then we're off.
Off a cliff.
[humming]
Honey, I told you there's
no sense in sweeping.
That dirt goes down
at least 5,000 miles.
You know, it's a lucky
thing you brought us along
to keep this place
clean around here.
You know, I never saw
so many insects in my life?
Will you please
stop spraying me?
I don't intend to bite you.
You didn't talk that way to
me before we were married.
Ah. Oh, that fresh mountain air.
Nothing like it, hey, honey?
Mm, it's wonderful.
You know, you haven't coughed
once since we've been up here.
No.
Or for that matter,
since you backed the
car out of the garage.
[chuckles]
Yeah, how about that?
Uh, what's this?
That is a duck call.
We hunters use
it to attract ducks.
Its sound is similar to
the actual mating call.
[blows air]
Does it really work?
[Wilbur] That answer
your question?
Silly.
Well, I think I'll wander
down to the water.
I'll see if there's any high
grass we can use for a blind.
You want to come along, Wilbur?
Uh, no, no, I think I
better stay back here
and protect the girls
from the wild animals.
Well, I don't think there
are any around here.
I just saw a lot of
rabbits on the way up.
Yeah, well, if they
gang up on you,
they can beat you to
death with their ears.
Well, you have to watch it.
Uh, be careful, doll.
If you want Mommy,
just blow that mating call.
Ed, you haven't eaten a thing
since we left home this morning.
Aren't you hungry?
Nope, just scared.
You can forget
about that horoscope.
We've been on the road
since 6:00 this morning.
Nothing has happened to you.
So far.
- Wilbur.
- What is it?
- I smell a rhinoceros.
- Where?
Point, Ed, point.
Rhinoceros?
Yeah.
Ed, rhinoceros are
found only in Africa.
He could be visiting a relative.
Oh, Ed.
It's only a couple hours by jet.
Ed, you are acting
like a coward.
If there's anything
I cannot stand...
[gunshot]
Wilbur, stop hanging on my neck.
Us cowards like to run light.
You got me nervous now.
That was just a gunshot.
I don't like any shots,
not even penicillin shots.
I'm afraid of guns, Wilbur.
Take me home.
No, Ed, I will not
take you home.
Doesn't it bother you that
you've got a jinxed horse
who may drag you down with him?
Ah, poppycock.
No, Pisces.
Oh... [rustling in leaves]
Shh.
What was that noise?
That was my teeth chattering.
Yes, sir.
You can have that
sissified city stuff
with its comforts
and its luxuries,
but give me the rude,
crude pioneer life every time.
Yep, help me up
and let's get going.
Hey, Davy Crockett.
How about giving me a hand
back with some of these logs?
Oh, sure. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Rog, you're not still
sore at me, are you,
for bring the girls along?
Not anymore.
Frankly, I think it'll
do Kay a lot of good
to get a taste of this
crude elemental life.
You know, she's always
gotten things too easy.
Anything she wanted, she
just ordered from a store.
It's a little
different out here.
I mean, she can't just open a
charge account with a squirrel.
♪ Oh, give me a home ♪
♪ Where the buffalo roam ♪
♪ And the deer and
the antelope play ♪
♪ Where seldom is heard ♪
♪ A discouraging word ♪
♪ And the... ♪
Boys, dinner's almost ready.
You better hurry up and shave.
Shave?
What for?
Who's coming?
Please, it'll only
take a few minutes?
I don't intend to shave
until we get back home.
Oh, now, come on, nature boys.
The least you can do is go
down to the creek and wash up.
Yeah, please hurry.
We'll hold off lighting the
candles till you get back.
Oh, we wouldn't
miss that for the world,
would we, Wilbur?
Oh, no. It would
ruin the trip for us.
Are you ready, Gaston?
After you, my dear Alfonse.
No, thank you.
Well, my boy, in
a few more hours,
we'll be popping those
big birds out of the sky.
Isn't she a beauty?
Yeah.
I'll bet when the ducks
see that gun of yours
they'll be standing
in line to get shot.
Yeah.
Of course, old Betsy
here won't do too badly.
Oh, please. The only
birds you'll get with that
are the ones flying
a suicide mission.
Mm, isn't that
mountain air wonderful?
Yes.
Aren't you glad the
boys asked us along?
Oh, yes.
But you know, it
wouldn't hurt any
to cough once in
a while, sweetie.
[coughs]
[laughs]
Dear.
Oh, look, a baby duck.
Oh, what a cute little doll.
Oh, poor little thing.
He probably got
separated from its family.
Oh, how could anyone shoot a
helpless little creature like this?
Oh, I know. It makes
me feel just awful.
Murderers.
Wilbur, do you have to
shoot duck on this trip?
Well, honey, a hunting
trip isn't much fun
unless you do a little shooting.
Kay, don't let that
little duckling upset you.
We'll only be shooting
at the big ones.
Would you have the nerve
to shoot this baby's mother?
No, but I'd like to get a
few of his uncles, his aunts,
and maybe a grandfather or two.
Wilbur, are you going
to join that killing party?
Are you?
Am I?
Of course you are.
We came up here
to hunt, remember?
I told you not to bring
the women along.
Well, if that's
the way you feel,
we don't have to stay
where we're not wanted.
That's right. We can
sleep someplace else, Kay.
Carol, don't be foolish.
Don't you come near
me, you... you assassin.
Let them go.
Well, if you boys
change your minds,
we'll be sleeping
right over there.
Rog, I don't like the idea of
them sleeping by themselves.
Don't worry. They'll
only be a few feet away.
I know Kay. The
first little noise,
she'll come jumping
right into my arms.
So will I.
Honey, I love you.
I love you, too, doll,
but what are we going
to do with Addison?
Yeah, what'll you do with me?
[duck whistle]
They should be
flying south by now.
I would have to leave
my compass home.
Have you got any idea
which way south is?
Only one way to find out.
You face north. Then
you turn around real quick.
I think this plug of
yours is bad luck.
Did you have to bring him along?
He gets nervous by himself,
Rog. It's his horoscope.
What?
Well, I mean, I figured
if we got enough ducks,
he could help us
carry them back.
Wilbur, look. Here they come.
Oh, boy, I've waited a
whole year for this moment.
You pushed me.
No, I didn't, Rog.
All those beautiful ducks gone.
You went soft because Carol
showed you that little duck.
Rog, I didn't push
you. It was Ed.
Oh, please.
He's standing too close
to you. I'll move him.
Yeah.
Come on, Ed.
[ducks quacking]
Wilbur, look. Here
they come again.
Hundreds of them. Oh,
boy, I can't miss this time.
They're gone again.
All on a count of
that stupid horse.
Huh, I can see Ed isn't
wanted around here.
I'll send him home.
We had our chance and missed it.
There hasn't been a sign of a
duck around here for 45 minutes.
Maybe they're on
their lunch hour.
Why don't you blow that
duck call thing again, hm?
I'm beginning to think
this is more of a warning
whistle than a mating call.
[ducks quacking]
Here they come.
Keep blowing, Rog.
It's no use, Rog. I can't
make this kid an orphan.
All right, you blow the
horn and let me shoot.
The girls are right, Rog.
I couldn't kill a duck with
this little fellow around.
I'm going back to camp.
This gun cost me $375,
and I'm going to shoot ducks
even if it breaks my heart.
Boy, did I have a job
getting this catsup over me.
If this dying routine works,
I may get home safe
before my luck runs out.
Oh, here he comes.
[Mister Ed] Wilbur.
[groans]
Wilbur.
[groans]
Ed.
Ed, what happened?
I've been shot by
some careless hunter.
[groans]
I didn't hear any shot.
He must have used a silencer.
[groans]
Ed, you're bleeding.
I'll wipe it off for you.
No, don't touch it. It hurts.
Ed, I should never
have brought you here.
I forgive you, Wilbur.
Oh, it's getting dark.
Come on back.
We came up here to shoot
ducks, remember? What...
My.
W-Well, what's the matter?
Some careless hunter shot Ed.
Oh, that's too bad.
Oh, is there anything I can do?
No, I don't think so.
Yes, there is.
Take my gun and you
can throw it in the lake.
I'm never going hunting again.
All right, Wilbur.
And throw yours in, too.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
My... M-M-My gun cost $375.
Rog, if you don't throw
that gun in the lake,
I'll never speak to you again.
Fine.
Oh.
Ed.
Ed, how do you feel?
Getting weaker.
Oh, no wonder.
[groans]
You're losing a lot of catsup.
Catsup?
Wilbur, yell, but don't hit.
Oh, oh, Ed.
Oh, I had a...
I'm just relieved
that you're all right.
[laughs]
Oh, boy. I mean, this
could've happened, you know.
Oh, Ed.
Oh, believe me. I
really learned my lesson.
Okay, Ed, you can stand up now.
[grunts]
[grunts]
Oh, Ed.
Oh, you're just going to take
it easy for the next few days.
Eating, sleeping,
and having a ball.
[chuckles]
Carol?
Carol?
What is it, honey?
My hunting days are over.
Wilbur, do you mean that?
Roger and I have
thrown our guns away.
Oh, honey, I'm so glad.
Well, I threw them in the
deepest part of the lake.
What is that animal
doing on its feet?
Wilbur, I... I don't understand.
I just saw him.
He was lying down.
There was blood
all... What happened?
Roger, when you
witness a miracle,
you don't question
it. You just accept it.
Another carrot, Ed?
Just leave it there, Wilbur.
Sorry I had to pull
that trick on you.
I was on to you from the start.
You never scared me.
Well, you scared me.
You were crying so hard I
thought I was really dying.
Well, I hope this
proves to you, Ed,
that horoscopes
don't mean a thing.
That's right.
And you'll never be
superstitious again?
Never.
Ed, I don't know what
you're worried about.
You're going to have
a long and healthy life.
You betcha.
What was that?
I knocked on wood.
I'm not taking any chances.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.
Hello. I'm Mr. Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Hm, I'm getting a double chin.
I've got to cut down
those alfalfa snacks
when I'm watching TV.
Ed, I have got
great news for you.
We're going camping this weekend
at Mammoth Lake
in the High Sierras.
Me, too?
Sure, you and me and Addison.
Oh, boy. I've always wanted
to get out there in the woods
and just let my beard grow.
Me, too.
I've always wanted
to let my tail grow wild.
♪ Oh, give me a home ♪
♪ Where the buffa... ♪
Hey, did you say
old vinegar puss is coming, too?
That's right. I mean, the
whole trip was his idea.
I can't figure why
Addison wants me along.
He hates me.
Well, I insisted that you come.
And after all, you're my
friend, my pal, my buddy.
And we needed
somebody to carry the pack.
Oh, you do, huh?
Look, I'm a horse,
not a red cap.
Oh, Ed, stop being
temperamental.
It's not going to hurt you to
carry a few provisions for us.
You've got Addison. Let
the jackass carry the stuff.
All right. I'll rent
another horse.
Whoa-ho-ho. Now
the threats begin.
Okay, I'll go.
Atta boy, Ed. You'll
have a wonderful time.
Before I take a trip,
I got to see what
my horoscope says.
Get me my astrology book, huh?
Oh, you and your superstitions.
I'm Pisces, and us
Pisces got to be careful.
You and your Pisces.
Wilbur, look. I just bought it.
How do you like it?
Set me back 375 bucks.
Wow, that's big.
I bet the next size
comes on wheels.
Oh, boy. Any duck that gets
hit with that goes first class.
Just feel the barrels.
Huh? How does it feel?
Mm, like $375.
And worth every cent of it.
Oh, by the way, Wilbur,
what type of gun
will you be using?
Follow me.
Huh? How do you like it?
Which end does
the cork come out?
I never miss with old Betsy.
When a duck sees
me aim this at him,
he asks for a blindfold
and a cigarette.
Please, do me a favor, will you?
Never point that at a
bird when I'm around.
I hate to shoot a
duck while it's landing.
Huh. When I pull the trigger,
it'll be laughing out of the
other side of its quack-quack.
Uh, by the way, Wilbur,
did you tell Carol we were
going on this hunting trip?
Sure.
What did she say
when you told her
we are not taking
our wives along?
Nothing. Carol's a good sport.
She knows that
every now and again
us guys got to get
out there in the woods
and just let our
tails grow wild.
I... I mean our beards.
How did Kay take it?
Like a trooper.
Firing both barrels.
So we'll take the
freeway to Ventura,
and we go to the 101,
up Sepulveda Boulevard.
Go north to U.S. highway 6,
continue on to the
junction of Route 395.
That will be just
north of Homestead.
By the way, it's
a beautiful spot.
We ought to stop
up there sometime.
[coughs]
Keep on 395 to Lone
Pine through Bishop.
And then, let's see,
Mammoth Lake will
be about 13 miles west.
[coughs]
What's the matter,
honey? You feel all right?
Oh, I'm fine.
Just a little cough.
[coughs]
Coming down with a cold?
Oh, no, no, honey.
[coughs]
The doctor said it
was just the air in town.
Oh, that's right. The air
has been kind of pecu...
Doctor?
When did you see a doctor?
Oh, now, Wilbur, don't
you worry about me.
You go and have a good time.
Honey, I'd like to
take you along with us,
but you know how Roger feels.
And he's right.
I mean, honey, I think you men
should get off by yourselves
every once in a while.
[coughs]
It isn't so bad.
I mean, maybe I'll
get lucky, and it'll rain.
No, no, I'm not going
to leave you here.
I don't care how Roger
feels. You're coming along.
I'm going to tell him right now.
[coughs]
[coughs]
You're wasting
your time, Camille.
I am not taking you along.
I wouldn't go if you begged me.
[phone rings]
Well, let me answer it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Carol.
He did?
We are?
Well, I'll start
packing right away.
Uh, thanks for calling, sweetie.
Oh, Addison, guess what.
Some idiot is taking his
wife along on a hunting trip.
You certainly are, doll.
Oh, we'll make a
perfect foursome.
That's right.
Wilbur, Carol,
you, and the horse.
Oh, Addison, you're impossible.
Roger.
Roger, we have got
to take Carol with us.
The poor kid is
coughing her head off.
And the doctor says
that it's going to get worse
unless the rains and
weather clears up
and the air gets
a little better.
But you know how
dry it's been lately, Rog.
Well, Ed, the girls are
going along with us,
so tomorrow at the crack of dawn
we'll be heading
for the tall timber.
I'm not going.
What do you mean?
I thought you were
excited about this trip.
I just read my horoscope,
and the news is not good.
Ed, what are you talking about?
I'm a Pisces, and it says
if I leave town tomorrow,
disaster will befall me.
Look, will you forget
about these superstitions?
Nothing can happen to you.
Why, you walk around with
four horseshoes all the time.
I wouldn't leave
this barn tomorrow
for all the carrots in Kansas.
Ed, I'm surprised at you.
Don't you know that superstition
is based on ignorance?
So I'm stupid, but I'm alive.
Now, you listen to me,
you cowardly Pisces.
Now, Ed, you're
behaving like a child.
Now there is nothing...
What is my shoe doing
nailed over your door?
I put it there for good luck.
Ed, you're going to
have the time of your life.
Now, in the morning, I'll
wake you up, feed you.
I'll put you in
your little trailer.
I'll hitch you to the
car, and then we're off.
Off a cliff.
[humming]
Honey, I told you there's
no sense in sweeping.
That dirt goes down
at least 5,000 miles.
You know, it's a lucky
thing you brought us along
to keep this place
clean around here.
You know, I never saw
so many insects in my life?
Will you please
stop spraying me?
I don't intend to bite you.
You didn't talk that way to
me before we were married.
Ah. Oh, that fresh mountain air.
Nothing like it, hey, honey?
Mm, it's wonderful.
You know, you haven't coughed
once since we've been up here.
No.
Or for that matter,
since you backed the
car out of the garage.
[chuckles]
Yeah, how about that?
Uh, what's this?
That is a duck call.
We hunters use
it to attract ducks.
Its sound is similar to
the actual mating call.
[blows air]
Does it really work?
[Wilbur] That answer
your question?
Silly.
Well, I think I'll wander
down to the water.
I'll see if there's any high
grass we can use for a blind.
You want to come along, Wilbur?
Uh, no, no, I think I
better stay back here
and protect the girls
from the wild animals.
Well, I don't think there
are any around here.
I just saw a lot of
rabbits on the way up.
Yeah, well, if they
gang up on you,
they can beat you to
death with their ears.
Well, you have to watch it.
Uh, be careful, doll.
If you want Mommy,
just blow that mating call.
Ed, you haven't eaten a thing
since we left home this morning.
Aren't you hungry?
Nope, just scared.
You can forget
about that horoscope.
We've been on the road
since 6:00 this morning.
Nothing has happened to you.
So far.
- Wilbur.
- What is it?
- I smell a rhinoceros.
- Where?
Point, Ed, point.
Rhinoceros?
Yeah.
Ed, rhinoceros are
found only in Africa.
He could be visiting a relative.
Oh, Ed.
It's only a couple hours by jet.
Ed, you are acting
like a coward.
If there's anything
I cannot stand...
[gunshot]
Wilbur, stop hanging on my neck.
Us cowards like to run light.
You got me nervous now.
That was just a gunshot.
I don't like any shots,
not even penicillin shots.
I'm afraid of guns, Wilbur.
Take me home.
No, Ed, I will not
take you home.
Doesn't it bother you that
you've got a jinxed horse
who may drag you down with him?
Ah, poppycock.
No, Pisces.
Oh... [rustling in leaves]
Shh.
What was that noise?
That was my teeth chattering.
Yes, sir.
You can have that
sissified city stuff
with its comforts
and its luxuries,
but give me the rude,
crude pioneer life every time.
Yep, help me up
and let's get going.
Hey, Davy Crockett.
How about giving me a hand
back with some of these logs?
Oh, sure. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Rog, you're not still
sore at me, are you,
for bring the girls along?
Not anymore.
Frankly, I think it'll
do Kay a lot of good
to get a taste of this
crude elemental life.
You know, she's always
gotten things too easy.
Anything she wanted, she
just ordered from a store.
It's a little
different out here.
I mean, she can't just open a
charge account with a squirrel.
♪ Oh, give me a home ♪
♪ Where the buffalo roam ♪
♪ And the deer and
the antelope play ♪
♪ Where seldom is heard ♪
♪ A discouraging word ♪
♪ And the... ♪
Boys, dinner's almost ready.
You better hurry up and shave.
Shave?
What for?
Who's coming?
Please, it'll only
take a few minutes?
I don't intend to shave
until we get back home.
Oh, now, come on, nature boys.
The least you can do is go
down to the creek and wash up.
Yeah, please hurry.
We'll hold off lighting the
candles till you get back.
Oh, we wouldn't
miss that for the world,
would we, Wilbur?
Oh, no. It would
ruin the trip for us.
Are you ready, Gaston?
After you, my dear Alfonse.
No, thank you.
Well, my boy, in
a few more hours,
we'll be popping those
big birds out of the sky.
Isn't she a beauty?
Yeah.
I'll bet when the ducks
see that gun of yours
they'll be standing
in line to get shot.
Yeah.
Of course, old Betsy
here won't do too badly.
Oh, please. The only
birds you'll get with that
are the ones flying
a suicide mission.
Mm, isn't that
mountain air wonderful?
Yes.
Aren't you glad the
boys asked us along?
Oh, yes.
But you know, it
wouldn't hurt any
to cough once in
a while, sweetie.
[coughs]
[laughs]
Dear.
Oh, look, a baby duck.
Oh, what a cute little doll.
Oh, poor little thing.
He probably got
separated from its family.
Oh, how could anyone shoot a
helpless little creature like this?
Oh, I know. It makes
me feel just awful.
Murderers.
Wilbur, do you have to
shoot duck on this trip?
Well, honey, a hunting
trip isn't much fun
unless you do a little shooting.
Kay, don't let that
little duckling upset you.
We'll only be shooting
at the big ones.
Would you have the nerve
to shoot this baby's mother?
No, but I'd like to get a
few of his uncles, his aunts,
and maybe a grandfather or two.
Wilbur, are you going
to join that killing party?
Are you?
Am I?
Of course you are.
We came up here
to hunt, remember?
I told you not to bring
the women along.
Well, if that's
the way you feel,
we don't have to stay
where we're not wanted.
That's right. We can
sleep someplace else, Kay.
Carol, don't be foolish.
Don't you come near
me, you... you assassin.
Let them go.
Well, if you boys
change your minds,
we'll be sleeping
right over there.
Rog, I don't like the idea of
them sleeping by themselves.
Don't worry. They'll
only be a few feet away.
I know Kay. The
first little noise,
she'll come jumping
right into my arms.
So will I.
Honey, I love you.
I love you, too, doll,
but what are we going
to do with Addison?
Yeah, what'll you do with me?
[duck whistle]
They should be
flying south by now.
I would have to leave
my compass home.
Have you got any idea
which way south is?
Only one way to find out.
You face north. Then
you turn around real quick.
I think this plug of
yours is bad luck.
Did you have to bring him along?
He gets nervous by himself,
Rog. It's his horoscope.
What?
Well, I mean, I figured
if we got enough ducks,
he could help us
carry them back.
Wilbur, look. Here they come.
Oh, boy, I've waited a
whole year for this moment.
You pushed me.
No, I didn't, Rog.
All those beautiful ducks gone.
You went soft because Carol
showed you that little duck.
Rog, I didn't push
you. It was Ed.
Oh, please.
He's standing too close
to you. I'll move him.
Yeah.
Come on, Ed.
[ducks quacking]
Wilbur, look. Here
they come again.
Hundreds of them. Oh,
boy, I can't miss this time.
They're gone again.
All on a count of
that stupid horse.
Huh, I can see Ed isn't
wanted around here.
I'll send him home.
We had our chance and missed it.
There hasn't been a sign of a
duck around here for 45 minutes.
Maybe they're on
their lunch hour.
Why don't you blow that
duck call thing again, hm?
I'm beginning to think
this is more of a warning
whistle than a mating call.
[ducks quacking]
Here they come.
Keep blowing, Rog.
It's no use, Rog. I can't
make this kid an orphan.
All right, you blow the
horn and let me shoot.
The girls are right, Rog.
I couldn't kill a duck with
this little fellow around.
I'm going back to camp.
This gun cost me $375,
and I'm going to shoot ducks
even if it breaks my heart.
Boy, did I have a job
getting this catsup over me.
If this dying routine works,
I may get home safe
before my luck runs out.
Oh, here he comes.
[Mister Ed] Wilbur.
[groans]
Wilbur.
[groans]
Ed.
Ed, what happened?
I've been shot by
some careless hunter.
[groans]
I didn't hear any shot.
He must have used a silencer.
[groans]
Ed, you're bleeding.
I'll wipe it off for you.
No, don't touch it. It hurts.
Ed, I should never
have brought you here.
I forgive you, Wilbur.
Oh, it's getting dark.
Come on back.
We came up here to shoot
ducks, remember? What...
My.
W-Well, what's the matter?
Some careless hunter shot Ed.
Oh, that's too bad.
Oh, is there anything I can do?
No, I don't think so.
Yes, there is.
Take my gun and you
can throw it in the lake.
I'm never going hunting again.
All right, Wilbur.
And throw yours in, too.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
My... M-M-My gun cost $375.
Rog, if you don't throw
that gun in the lake,
I'll never speak to you again.
Fine.
Oh.
Ed.
Ed, how do you feel?
Getting weaker.
Oh, no wonder.
[groans]
You're losing a lot of catsup.
Catsup?
Wilbur, yell, but don't hit.
Oh, oh, Ed.
Oh, I had a...
I'm just relieved
that you're all right.
[laughs]
Oh, boy. I mean, this
could've happened, you know.
Oh, Ed.
Oh, believe me. I
really learned my lesson.
Okay, Ed, you can stand up now.
[grunts]
[grunts]
Oh, Ed.
Oh, you're just going to take
it easy for the next few days.
Eating, sleeping,
and having a ball.
[chuckles]
Carol?
Carol?
What is it, honey?
My hunting days are over.
Wilbur, do you mean that?
Roger and I have
thrown our guns away.
Oh, honey, I'm so glad.
Well, I threw them in the
deepest part of the lake.
What is that animal
doing on its feet?
Wilbur, I... I don't understand.
I just saw him.
He was lying down.
There was blood
all... What happened?
Roger, when you
witness a miracle,
you don't question
it. You just accept it.
Another carrot, Ed?
Just leave it there, Wilbur.
Sorry I had to pull
that trick on you.
I was on to you from the start.
You never scared me.
Well, you scared me.
You were crying so hard I
thought I was really dying.
Well, I hope this
proves to you, Ed,
that horoscopes
don't mean a thing.
That's right.
And you'll never be
superstitious again?
Never.
Ed, I don't know what
you're worried about.
You're going to have
a long and healthy life.
You betcha.
What was that?
I knocked on wood.
I'm not taking any chances.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.