Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 19 - Ed's Word of Honor - full transcript
It's Roger's birthday, and he's angry with Mister Ed for eating apples from his trees.
[whinnies]
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Hi, Ed.
What's this?
[chuckles] Wilbur, how
do you like this trick?
Well, I didn't know you
could balance a ball.
That's very good.
Take a bow, Ed.
You old phony.
A ball on a string.
Well, sure. I'm a
horse, not a seal.
[laughs]
What brought all this on, Ed?
The circus is in town.
Guess I got... [hiccups]
carried away.
You got the hiccups?
I'll live.
You know, ever
since I was a pony,
I wanted to run away
and join the circus.
With your big talent,
they'd grab you in a
minute for the sideshow.
I can just see your billing now.
Ed The Talking Horse.
Yeah, that'd put
me with the freaks.
Well, what do you want
to be with the circus?
A trapeze artist.
A tr... You?
Who'd catch you, an elephant?
Wilbur... [hiccups]
would you do me a favor?
Please take me
to see the circus.
Oh, I can't do that.
It'd be half price.
I'm under 12.
Look, I'm going golfing
with Addison this afternoon.
See, it's his birthday and
I promised Carol and Kay
that I'd get him
out of the house
while his present's
being delivered.
It's a big surprise.
I'd like to give old
lemon puss a gift.
You would?
Yeah, a leaky skin diver outfit.
Ed, you should
try to like Addison.
After all, he's our neighbor.
I would like him, Wilbur,
except for one thing.
- What's that?
- I hate him.
Ed, that is a very
narrow-minded attitude.
[hiccups]
You know, a lot of this
can be in your own thinking.
I feel that deep down inside,
Roger Addison
does not dislike you.
Wilbur, once and for all,
I demand you sell that old plug.
- Happy Birthday, Rog.
- Thank you.
This skid row animal of yours
sneaked into my
backyard last night
and chewed some of
the apples off my tree.
- Many happy returns.
- Thank you.
There is a limit to how
much even I can stand.
You don't look a
day older than...
Who's asking you?
It is not fair of
you to burst in here
and accuse Ed of
eating your apples.
What proof do you have?
Proof? I don't need any proof.
I can tell by the
guilty look on his face.
- [hiccups]
- Ah, there's my proof.
Every time he eats my
apples, he gets the hiccups.
Now, Wilbur, I think
even you will admit
I have been very patient
with this gluttonous
old nanny goat.
Rog, no name calling.
I mean, just because
Ed hiccupped,
that doesn't mean
he ate your apples.
You can't convict a horse
on circumstantial evidence.
I saw his hoof
prints in my yard.
Defense rests.
Well, it's not funny to me.
You better tie that
nag up at night.
If he comes sneaking
into my back yard again,
you and I are going
to have trouble.
That mean our golf game is off?
Of course not.
You're supposed to
keep me out of the house
so your wife and my wife
can surprise me
with my birthday gift.
Right, but how did
you find out about that?
That's all Carol and Kay
have been gabbing about
on the phone for
the last two weeks.
Have you got any idea
what we're giving you?
No. I sure wish it
was a new apple tree.
Well, I'll get my golf clubs
and meet you outside
in a few minutes.
Okay, birthday boy.
Please sell him.
Holler, but don't hit.
Ed, I am ashamed of you.
You know how much
Addison loves his backyard
and especially his apple tree.
How could you do it?
You ever get a yen for an
apple at 3:00 in the morning?
You're not supposed
to take things
that don't belong to you.
That's one of the
rules of civilization.
I mean, what are we, animals?
- Well, speaking as a horse...
- Be quiet.
Yes, sir. [hiccups]
The next time I catch you
going to Addison's backyard,
I'm going to tie you up.
Is that quite clear?
[hiccups] Darn
those green apples.
I want your solemn word
you will not go into
Addison's backyard again.
Oh, my little tummy hurts.
Ed, you're a faker. Do I
have your solemn word?
[hiccups]
I never had my appendix out.
Ed, if I don't get your word,
you're going to have
all your meals out.
Okay, you got my
word, my word of honor.
I'll never take another apple.
All right.
[hiccups]
Oh, sweetie, Addison will flip
when he sees this
gift you're giving him.
Oh, good.
For years he's wanted
a fishpond back here.
Then why didn't he buy one?
Well, you know my husband.
He hates to spend
money on himself.
On anybody, come to think of it.
He liked that smoking
jacket you got him, huh?
Loved it.
You know, I'd better
warn you, sweetie.
Addison is very sentimental.
You know, when I gave him
the jacket, he practically cried?
Oh, you're kidding me, Kay.
No, I'm not, sweetie.
He's just an old softy.
You should have seen
him at our wedding.
He cried so much,
I almost took pity on
him and let him go.
Oh, don't you think
that Roger would be...
Shh-shh. Here they come.
I still think you let me win
because it's my birthday.
Hey, what's this?
Oh, Happy Birthday, doll.
- Happy Birthday, Rog.
- Happy Birthday, Roger.
It's from Wilbur
and Carol, sweetie.
Here come the rains.
I always wanted that fountain.
Oh, thank you, Carol.
You're welcome, Roger.
And thank you, Wilbur.
Just shake hands, Rog.
Wilbur, I'm very deeply touched.
I don't know what to say.
Well, just say you'll spend as
much for me on my birthday.
What? 89.95?
How did you know what it costs?
I've been pricing
this fountain for years.
Look. Goldfish, too.
Well, not exactly.
They're just gold-plated.
The man at the store said
that you could start
your collection with these.
Well, they've got some
really expensive tropical fish,
but I wouldn't let them
spend all that money.
Why not?
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, you've been
more than generous.
They're beautiful.
They're just
beautiful, and Wilbur,
I know exactly the kind of
fish I want to add to those.
Do you want to come down
to the store with me now?
Wait a minute, Rog.
Honey, did you get the other
gift I asked you to pick up?
- Here it is, honey.
- Thank you.
Rog, I hope this makes up
for Ed eating those
apples last night.
Wilbur, you...
You shouldn't have gone
to all the trouble to do this.
I... I don't deserve it.
There's no reason in the world
why you should
both be so generous.
Apple seeds?
Don't be ashamed, Rog.
If you feel like
crying, just let it go.
You sure went all out with
these tropical fish, Rog.
$65. Wow.
Well, these fish
are not ordinary.
These fish are very rare.
Personally, I like
my fish well done.
You've got a morbid
sense of humor.
Now, the important thing
is to get these little fellows
in their new home.
- Now, let me see.
- Oh, yeah... yeah.
These are the
celestials... 3.95 each.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wilbur, those fish that
were already in there,
the ones you bought...
Now, if I'm not too inquisitive,
how much did they cost you?
25 cents each.
Only 25 cents?
I wouldn't worry about it, Rog.
They know their place.
They won't swim
in the 3.95 section.
Well, no offense, Wilbur,
isn't there a chance
that my expensive fish
might catch
something from yours?
Oh, not a chance.
Mine have already
had their shots.
Go ahead, dump them in.
Well, all right if you say so.
Dr. Evans, I'm... [hiccups]
calling about my horse.
He's had hiccups all night,
and I'm wondering
what I should do for him.
You'll want to give him a shot?
Sorry. Wrong number.
[hiccups]
[groans]
Hi, Ed, you sleep well?
Terrible.
I can't get rid of
these hiccups.
All night my head kept
bouncing like a rubber ball.
[hiccups, groans]
That'll teach you to stay
away from Addison's apples.
Well, if you ask me,
those weren't apples.
They were Mexican jumping beans.
Let's see if we can't do
something to fix you up, fella.
- [groans]
- Ah, here we are.
- We'll take care of you, kid.
- [groans]
I want you to take a
long drink of water here
without breathing.
Okay, Ed?
Oh... [hiccups]
kay.
[slurping]
How do you feel?
Swell, Wilbur.
It's completely... [hiccups]
back again.
Well, what else can we do?
You know, a couple of months
ago Carol got the hiccups,
and she cured them by
breathing into a paper bag.
- No kidding.
- Yeah.
This is the way it works.
When you breath
into a paper bag,
you build up all the
carbon dioxide in the body,
and that gets
rid of the hiccups.
- Oh.
- Sure, just put your head
in there.
Atta boy.
Look, just breath
normally, see? All right?
- [Mister Ed grunts]
- Inhale the good air.
- [inhales]
- Exhale the bad air.
[Mister Ed snorts]
- Inhale the good air.
- [inhales]
- I mean, the bad air.
- [snorts]
- Exhale the inhale.
- [inhales and snorts]
Uh, the good air...
The bad... bad air.
[Mister Ed groans]
You're mixing me up.
I'm forgetting how to breathe.
Look, it cured the hiccups.
Yeah, that's... [hiccups]
right.
[Mister Ed sighs]
Well, look, I'll try
one more thing.
I want you to turn around
and face the wall. Okay?
Oh... [hiccups] kay.
Turn around...
And don't look back.
[Mister Ed sighs]
Don't turn around, Ed.
I won't.
[pops]
[Wilbur] How you feel?
I thought you shot me.
[Wilbur chuckles]
I wouldn't hurt you.
Nobody's ever
going to hurt you, Ed.
I'll shoot that
horse. I'll kill him.
Wait a minute, Rog.
What happened?
That blasted nanny goat of yours
ate up all my tropical fish.
Oh, no. When did this happen?
During the night. He does
all his dirty work at night.
Now, look, Rog, I
can't believe this.
I mean, Ed might
eat apples, but fish?
That horse will eat anything.
Come on. I'll show you.
I should've stood in bed today.
Kay, I don't think Mister
Ed could've eaten those fish.
Well, I don't know, sweetie.
First the apples, and now this.
Maybe Ed thinks we're
running an all-night cafeteria.
It just doesn't seem possible.
There you are.
Look for yourself.
Now do you believe me?
There's only two fish left.
Yours. Your horse left
only the cheap ones.
Rog, I'm sorry. I don't
know what to say.
I've got a suggestion.
Say, "Roger, here's
your $65 back."
Now, wait a minute.
We don't have any proof.
Proof? When your
horse ate my apples,
he got the hiccups.
What do you expect him
to do now, swim upstream?
- Oh, Addison...
- Keep out of this, Kay.
Now, Wilbur, this
is the last straw.
Either you sell that horse,
or don't bother to come
around here anymore.
Well, I'm sorry, Rog,
but I am not selling Ed.
Goodbye, Wilbur.
Come, Carol.
But... Carol.
[Mister Ed] Oh, why
so busy? Why so busy?
[grunts] What is
this, a lynching party?
Fine thing putting your
best friend on a leash.
I just lost a good neighbor
because you broke your word.
But I didn't, Wilbur.
I didn't eat the fish.
I don't like fish.
Sorry, Ed. I don't believe you.
I didn't eat the fish.
I didn't eat the fish.
[hiccups]
That's apples.
[groans]
Oh, I wish the boys
would make up.
Wilbur's trying to pretend
that he doesn't care,
but I know he just feels awful.
Yeah, my doll, too.
You know, Wilbur's the
closest friend Addison has had
since I've known him,
and that includes me.
I wish there was something we
could do to bring them together.
Hm, let's face it, sweetie.
As long as Wilbur
keeps Mister Ed,
Addison won't budge.
Where is he now?
He said he was going
to the lumber yard.
The lumber yard? What for?
I don't know, sweetie.
Maybe he's going to build a
fortress around his fishpond.
Building a fence, huh?
No, a swimming pool.
I want to tell you
something, Rog.
I'm an architect, but
I've never seen anybody
putting pickets this straight,
and the way you've got
these cross pieces put in,
it's a work of art.
I want to congratulate you, Rog.
Shake.
I am not talking to you.
No, but I'm talking to
you, and I always say,
half a conversation
is better than none.
What do you say, Rog?
You know, the boys
at the club always say,
"What does Roger
Addison do for a living?
"He's always so well dressed,
so intellectual, so charming."
I never know what
to answer them,
but now I know
what to tell them.
He's a fence builder.
I'm glad you didn't
say anything, Rog.
That shows character.
I'm proud of you, neighbor.
Shake.
Again. Again, you didn't talk.
They say silence is golden,
and you are the Fort
Knox of our neighborhood.
Yes, sir.
And the way you
can paint on one knee.
You know, Van
Gogh had to stand up.
Michelangelo used
a ladder, but you?
You do it on one knee.
Shake.
What a beautiful job.
Nobody can paint
a hand like you.
This hand should be
hanging in the Louvre.
Would you sign this?
All right, all right, you've had
your laugh. You've had your joke.
You've had your fun, but as
long as you keep that horse,
this fence stays,
and you and I are not talking.
Look, Rog, all joking aside,
I want to keep you as my friend.
Now, I've tied Ed up.
He can't possibly
bother you anymore.
I'm not taking any chances.
I've just restocked my fishpond,
and I don't intend
it to be a snack bar
for your horse.
Then this fence stays?
The fence stays.
In that case I have a
sad story for you, Rog.
You see that little
marker behind you?
That marks the boundary
between our two houses,
and this fence
is on my property.
What?
And as for you being
a great fence builder...
[chuckles]
They never tied the knot
that this horse can't untie.
Yeah.
And just where do you
think you are going?
I'm running away
to join the circus.
You are, huh?
I'm going to tie you up
so you will never get loose.
I don't want to stay where
people don't take my word.
Still denying that you
ate Addison's fish?
What do I have to
do, establish an alibi?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
The night of the crime,
I was out shooting pool
with Jackie Gleason.
Oh, that's very funny.
Well, you don't
believe the truth.
Yeah, I know, Ed.
At the time of the fish caper,
you were standing
here in the barn,
minding your own business.
That's true.
I gave you my word of honor.
I think your story is
fishier than the caper.
Wilbur, you know why you're
the only human I ever talk to?
Why?
Because you love animals.
You trust them.
At least I thought you did.
Yeah. Well, I'll
talk to you later, Ed.
No, you won't, Wilbur.
I'm never talking to you again.
Well... suit yourself, Ed.
[sniveling]
[snorts, sniveling]
Kay, how do I look?
Well, Addison, you're
not going to wear
your birthday present to bed.
No, no, no, of course not.
Just trying it on.
How do I look?
Like a well-dressed zebra.
You thinking of Wilbur?
I am not.
He's the furthest
thing from my mind.
You know, doll, Wilbur
will never let his horse go.
If you feel like putting
up your fence, put it up,
but don't stop
talking to Wilbur.
[cat meows]
I know what I'm doing.
I just will not have that horse
making nightly
raids on my property.
[cat growls]
Those darn cats.
That is all I needed,
just to have those
cats out there.
- Oh, Addison, please.
- Things aren't bad enough
around here.
[Kay] Oh, honestly.
[meows]
[Addison] My tropical fish.
Scram. Beat it.
Go away. Go on.
Come on, cats, out of here.
Oh, you devils, go away.
Addison will kill you.
- Oh.
- Did they get many, doll?
I don't know.
Th-Th-There's my $4.00 fish.
There's my 3.99 fish.
Hey, what do you know?
They got one of
Wilbur's 25-cent fish.
Isn't that wonderful?
Speaking of Wilbur,
wouldn't you say you
owe him an apology?
An apology? What for...
Oh, you mean for
blaming it on his horse?
Yes, I mean for
blaming it on his horse.
Now, come along
with Mother, doll.
No, no, no no, I'll
talk to him tomorrow.
I'm not dressed.
You'll talk to him now
if we have to have
a pajama party.
- Huh?
- Come on, sweetie.
Honey, you haven't
touched your sandwich.
If he won't talk to me anymore,
I won't have the
heart to go in that barn.
What does Roger have
to do with the barn?
Hm? Uh, that's right.
Who needs him in the barn?
Who needs who in the barn?
That's exactly the way I feel.
I don't need anybody in the barn
now that I got you.
[door opens]
We're in the kitchen, Kay.
Come on in and have a sandwich.
Whatever's missing,
Ed didn't take it
because he's tied up in
the barn, and I'm his witness.
Wilbur, Addison has
something to say to you.
Me?
Wilbur, it seems there were
some cats in my backyard...
Now, just a minute.
Apples he'll eat. Fish,
maybe, but cats, never.
Wilbur, I owe you an apology.
Hi, fella.
Look, Addison just found
out that some cats ate his fish.
I'm... I'm sorry I
didn't take your word.
Ed, I know you said you'd
never talk to me again,
and, well, I...
Look, I... I really
can't blame you.
I mean, you gave me your word,
and I should have believed you.
Well, like I said, I...
I got it coming to me, Ed.
I only hope that some
day maybe you'll forgive me
and start talking to me again.
Wilbur.
Ed, you talked.
What is it, Ed.
What do you want?
I'll forgive you if you...
If you do me a great favor.
Well, anything, Ed,
just name it. Anything.
Well, come closer.
[muttering]
[Man] You have plenty
of time to... Thank you, sir.
You have plenty of time
to stop here and
see the sideshow,
and, ladies and gentlemen,
the admission price
is 25 cents.
- Two tickets, please.
- Two tickets. Yes, sir.
And thank you very much, sir.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the price of admission is 25 cents.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
let me call your attention
to these talking cats.
- Two tickets, please.
- These...
- How many, sir?
- Two.
Yeah...
Two tickets?
Please.
You know, I'm sure
glad you decided
not to build that fence, Rog.
[chuckles] That is one
thing about me, Wilbur.
Whenever I'm wrong,
I'm the first to admit it.
True?
Well, let's say
you're among the first.
- [phone ringing]
- Excuse me, Rog.
Hello.
Wilbur, they're... [hiccups]
back again.
Well, did you try drinking
a large bucket of water?
Did you try breathing
into a paper bag?
Couldn't get the bag
over your face, huh?
Well, I'll be right over.
- Right back, Rog.
- Where you going?
Well, I've got to
frighten a friend.
Strange man.
Strange man.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
Hi, Ed.
What's this?
[chuckles] Wilbur, how
do you like this trick?
Well, I didn't know you
could balance a ball.
That's very good.
Take a bow, Ed.
You old phony.
A ball on a string.
Well, sure. I'm a
horse, not a seal.
[laughs]
What brought all this on, Ed?
The circus is in town.
Guess I got... [hiccups]
carried away.
You got the hiccups?
I'll live.
You know, ever
since I was a pony,
I wanted to run away
and join the circus.
With your big talent,
they'd grab you in a
minute for the sideshow.
I can just see your billing now.
Ed The Talking Horse.
Yeah, that'd put
me with the freaks.
Well, what do you want
to be with the circus?
A trapeze artist.
A tr... You?
Who'd catch you, an elephant?
Wilbur... [hiccups]
would you do me a favor?
Please take me
to see the circus.
Oh, I can't do that.
It'd be half price.
I'm under 12.
Look, I'm going golfing
with Addison this afternoon.
See, it's his birthday and
I promised Carol and Kay
that I'd get him
out of the house
while his present's
being delivered.
It's a big surprise.
I'd like to give old
lemon puss a gift.
You would?
Yeah, a leaky skin diver outfit.
Ed, you should
try to like Addison.
After all, he's our neighbor.
I would like him, Wilbur,
except for one thing.
- What's that?
- I hate him.
Ed, that is a very
narrow-minded attitude.
[hiccups]
You know, a lot of this
can be in your own thinking.
I feel that deep down inside,
Roger Addison
does not dislike you.
Wilbur, once and for all,
I demand you sell that old plug.
- Happy Birthday, Rog.
- Thank you.
This skid row animal of yours
sneaked into my
backyard last night
and chewed some of
the apples off my tree.
- Many happy returns.
- Thank you.
There is a limit to how
much even I can stand.
You don't look a
day older than...
Who's asking you?
It is not fair of
you to burst in here
and accuse Ed of
eating your apples.
What proof do you have?
Proof? I don't need any proof.
I can tell by the
guilty look on his face.
- [hiccups]
- Ah, there's my proof.
Every time he eats my
apples, he gets the hiccups.
Now, Wilbur, I think
even you will admit
I have been very patient
with this gluttonous
old nanny goat.
Rog, no name calling.
I mean, just because
Ed hiccupped,
that doesn't mean
he ate your apples.
You can't convict a horse
on circumstantial evidence.
I saw his hoof
prints in my yard.
Defense rests.
Well, it's not funny to me.
You better tie that
nag up at night.
If he comes sneaking
into my back yard again,
you and I are going
to have trouble.
That mean our golf game is off?
Of course not.
You're supposed to
keep me out of the house
so your wife and my wife
can surprise me
with my birthday gift.
Right, but how did
you find out about that?
That's all Carol and Kay
have been gabbing about
on the phone for
the last two weeks.
Have you got any idea
what we're giving you?
No. I sure wish it
was a new apple tree.
Well, I'll get my golf clubs
and meet you outside
in a few minutes.
Okay, birthday boy.
Please sell him.
Holler, but don't hit.
Ed, I am ashamed of you.
You know how much
Addison loves his backyard
and especially his apple tree.
How could you do it?
You ever get a yen for an
apple at 3:00 in the morning?
You're not supposed
to take things
that don't belong to you.
That's one of the
rules of civilization.
I mean, what are we, animals?
- Well, speaking as a horse...
- Be quiet.
Yes, sir. [hiccups]
The next time I catch you
going to Addison's backyard,
I'm going to tie you up.
Is that quite clear?
[hiccups] Darn
those green apples.
I want your solemn word
you will not go into
Addison's backyard again.
Oh, my little tummy hurts.
Ed, you're a faker. Do I
have your solemn word?
[hiccups]
I never had my appendix out.
Ed, if I don't get your word,
you're going to have
all your meals out.
Okay, you got my
word, my word of honor.
I'll never take another apple.
All right.
[hiccups]
Oh, sweetie, Addison will flip
when he sees this
gift you're giving him.
Oh, good.
For years he's wanted
a fishpond back here.
Then why didn't he buy one?
Well, you know my husband.
He hates to spend
money on himself.
On anybody, come to think of it.
He liked that smoking
jacket you got him, huh?
Loved it.
You know, I'd better
warn you, sweetie.
Addison is very sentimental.
You know, when I gave him
the jacket, he practically cried?
Oh, you're kidding me, Kay.
No, I'm not, sweetie.
He's just an old softy.
You should have seen
him at our wedding.
He cried so much,
I almost took pity on
him and let him go.
Oh, don't you think
that Roger would be...
Shh-shh. Here they come.
I still think you let me win
because it's my birthday.
Hey, what's this?
Oh, Happy Birthday, doll.
- Happy Birthday, Rog.
- Happy Birthday, Roger.
It's from Wilbur
and Carol, sweetie.
Here come the rains.
I always wanted that fountain.
Oh, thank you, Carol.
You're welcome, Roger.
And thank you, Wilbur.
Just shake hands, Rog.
Wilbur, I'm very deeply touched.
I don't know what to say.
Well, just say you'll spend as
much for me on my birthday.
What? 89.95?
How did you know what it costs?
I've been pricing
this fountain for years.
Look. Goldfish, too.
Well, not exactly.
They're just gold-plated.
The man at the store said
that you could start
your collection with these.
Well, they've got some
really expensive tropical fish,
but I wouldn't let them
spend all that money.
Why not?
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, you've been
more than generous.
They're beautiful.
They're just
beautiful, and Wilbur,
I know exactly the kind of
fish I want to add to those.
Do you want to come down
to the store with me now?
Wait a minute, Rog.
Honey, did you get the other
gift I asked you to pick up?
- Here it is, honey.
- Thank you.
Rog, I hope this makes up
for Ed eating those
apples last night.
Wilbur, you...
You shouldn't have gone
to all the trouble to do this.
I... I don't deserve it.
There's no reason in the world
why you should
both be so generous.
Apple seeds?
Don't be ashamed, Rog.
If you feel like
crying, just let it go.
You sure went all out with
these tropical fish, Rog.
$65. Wow.
Well, these fish
are not ordinary.
These fish are very rare.
Personally, I like
my fish well done.
You've got a morbid
sense of humor.
Now, the important thing
is to get these little fellows
in their new home.
- Now, let me see.
- Oh, yeah... yeah.
These are the
celestials... 3.95 each.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wilbur, those fish that
were already in there,
the ones you bought...
Now, if I'm not too inquisitive,
how much did they cost you?
25 cents each.
Only 25 cents?
I wouldn't worry about it, Rog.
They know their place.
They won't swim
in the 3.95 section.
Well, no offense, Wilbur,
isn't there a chance
that my expensive fish
might catch
something from yours?
Oh, not a chance.
Mine have already
had their shots.
Go ahead, dump them in.
Well, all right if you say so.
Dr. Evans, I'm... [hiccups]
calling about my horse.
He's had hiccups all night,
and I'm wondering
what I should do for him.
You'll want to give him a shot?
Sorry. Wrong number.
[hiccups]
[groans]
Hi, Ed, you sleep well?
Terrible.
I can't get rid of
these hiccups.
All night my head kept
bouncing like a rubber ball.
[hiccups, groans]
That'll teach you to stay
away from Addison's apples.
Well, if you ask me,
those weren't apples.
They were Mexican jumping beans.
Let's see if we can't do
something to fix you up, fella.
- [groans]
- Ah, here we are.
- We'll take care of you, kid.
- [groans]
I want you to take a
long drink of water here
without breathing.
Okay, Ed?
Oh... [hiccups]
kay.
[slurping]
How do you feel?
Swell, Wilbur.
It's completely... [hiccups]
back again.
Well, what else can we do?
You know, a couple of months
ago Carol got the hiccups,
and she cured them by
breathing into a paper bag.
- No kidding.
- Yeah.
This is the way it works.
When you breath
into a paper bag,
you build up all the
carbon dioxide in the body,
and that gets
rid of the hiccups.
- Oh.
- Sure, just put your head
in there.
Atta boy.
Look, just breath
normally, see? All right?
- [Mister Ed grunts]
- Inhale the good air.
- [inhales]
- Exhale the bad air.
[Mister Ed snorts]
- Inhale the good air.
- [inhales]
- I mean, the bad air.
- [snorts]
- Exhale the inhale.
- [inhales and snorts]
Uh, the good air...
The bad... bad air.
[Mister Ed groans]
You're mixing me up.
I'm forgetting how to breathe.
Look, it cured the hiccups.
Yeah, that's... [hiccups]
right.
[Mister Ed sighs]
Well, look, I'll try
one more thing.
I want you to turn around
and face the wall. Okay?
Oh... [hiccups] kay.
Turn around...
And don't look back.
[Mister Ed sighs]
Don't turn around, Ed.
I won't.
[pops]
[Wilbur] How you feel?
I thought you shot me.
[Wilbur chuckles]
I wouldn't hurt you.
Nobody's ever
going to hurt you, Ed.
I'll shoot that
horse. I'll kill him.
Wait a minute, Rog.
What happened?
That blasted nanny goat of yours
ate up all my tropical fish.
Oh, no. When did this happen?
During the night. He does
all his dirty work at night.
Now, look, Rog, I
can't believe this.
I mean, Ed might
eat apples, but fish?
That horse will eat anything.
Come on. I'll show you.
I should've stood in bed today.
Kay, I don't think Mister
Ed could've eaten those fish.
Well, I don't know, sweetie.
First the apples, and now this.
Maybe Ed thinks we're
running an all-night cafeteria.
It just doesn't seem possible.
There you are.
Look for yourself.
Now do you believe me?
There's only two fish left.
Yours. Your horse left
only the cheap ones.
Rog, I'm sorry. I don't
know what to say.
I've got a suggestion.
Say, "Roger, here's
your $65 back."
Now, wait a minute.
We don't have any proof.
Proof? When your
horse ate my apples,
he got the hiccups.
What do you expect him
to do now, swim upstream?
- Oh, Addison...
- Keep out of this, Kay.
Now, Wilbur, this
is the last straw.
Either you sell that horse,
or don't bother to come
around here anymore.
Well, I'm sorry, Rog,
but I am not selling Ed.
Goodbye, Wilbur.
Come, Carol.
But... Carol.
[Mister Ed] Oh, why
so busy? Why so busy?
[grunts] What is
this, a lynching party?
Fine thing putting your
best friend on a leash.
I just lost a good neighbor
because you broke your word.
But I didn't, Wilbur.
I didn't eat the fish.
I don't like fish.
Sorry, Ed. I don't believe you.
I didn't eat the fish.
I didn't eat the fish.
[hiccups]
That's apples.
[groans]
Oh, I wish the boys
would make up.
Wilbur's trying to pretend
that he doesn't care,
but I know he just feels awful.
Yeah, my doll, too.
You know, Wilbur's the
closest friend Addison has had
since I've known him,
and that includes me.
I wish there was something we
could do to bring them together.
Hm, let's face it, sweetie.
As long as Wilbur
keeps Mister Ed,
Addison won't budge.
Where is he now?
He said he was going
to the lumber yard.
The lumber yard? What for?
I don't know, sweetie.
Maybe he's going to build a
fortress around his fishpond.
Building a fence, huh?
No, a swimming pool.
I want to tell you
something, Rog.
I'm an architect, but
I've never seen anybody
putting pickets this straight,
and the way you've got
these cross pieces put in,
it's a work of art.
I want to congratulate you, Rog.
Shake.
I am not talking to you.
No, but I'm talking to
you, and I always say,
half a conversation
is better than none.
What do you say, Rog?
You know, the boys
at the club always say,
"What does Roger
Addison do for a living?
"He's always so well dressed,
so intellectual, so charming."
I never know what
to answer them,
but now I know
what to tell them.
He's a fence builder.
I'm glad you didn't
say anything, Rog.
That shows character.
I'm proud of you, neighbor.
Shake.
Again. Again, you didn't talk.
They say silence is golden,
and you are the Fort
Knox of our neighborhood.
Yes, sir.
And the way you
can paint on one knee.
You know, Van
Gogh had to stand up.
Michelangelo used
a ladder, but you?
You do it on one knee.
Shake.
What a beautiful job.
Nobody can paint
a hand like you.
This hand should be
hanging in the Louvre.
Would you sign this?
All right, all right, you've had
your laugh. You've had your joke.
You've had your fun, but as
long as you keep that horse,
this fence stays,
and you and I are not talking.
Look, Rog, all joking aside,
I want to keep you as my friend.
Now, I've tied Ed up.
He can't possibly
bother you anymore.
I'm not taking any chances.
I've just restocked my fishpond,
and I don't intend
it to be a snack bar
for your horse.
Then this fence stays?
The fence stays.
In that case I have a
sad story for you, Rog.
You see that little
marker behind you?
That marks the boundary
between our two houses,
and this fence
is on my property.
What?
And as for you being
a great fence builder...
[chuckles]
They never tied the knot
that this horse can't untie.
Yeah.
And just where do you
think you are going?
I'm running away
to join the circus.
You are, huh?
I'm going to tie you up
so you will never get loose.
I don't want to stay where
people don't take my word.
Still denying that you
ate Addison's fish?
What do I have to
do, establish an alibi?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
The night of the crime,
I was out shooting pool
with Jackie Gleason.
Oh, that's very funny.
Well, you don't
believe the truth.
Yeah, I know, Ed.
At the time of the fish caper,
you were standing
here in the barn,
minding your own business.
That's true.
I gave you my word of honor.
I think your story is
fishier than the caper.
Wilbur, you know why you're
the only human I ever talk to?
Why?
Because you love animals.
You trust them.
At least I thought you did.
Yeah. Well, I'll
talk to you later, Ed.
No, you won't, Wilbur.
I'm never talking to you again.
Well... suit yourself, Ed.
[sniveling]
[snorts, sniveling]
Kay, how do I look?
Well, Addison, you're
not going to wear
your birthday present to bed.
No, no, no, of course not.
Just trying it on.
How do I look?
Like a well-dressed zebra.
You thinking of Wilbur?
I am not.
He's the furthest
thing from my mind.
You know, doll, Wilbur
will never let his horse go.
If you feel like putting
up your fence, put it up,
but don't stop
talking to Wilbur.
[cat meows]
I know what I'm doing.
I just will not have that horse
making nightly
raids on my property.
[cat growls]
Those darn cats.
That is all I needed,
just to have those
cats out there.
- Oh, Addison, please.
- Things aren't bad enough
around here.
[Kay] Oh, honestly.
[meows]
[Addison] My tropical fish.
Scram. Beat it.
Go away. Go on.
Come on, cats, out of here.
Oh, you devils, go away.
Addison will kill you.
- Oh.
- Did they get many, doll?
I don't know.
Th-Th-There's my $4.00 fish.
There's my 3.99 fish.
Hey, what do you know?
They got one of
Wilbur's 25-cent fish.
Isn't that wonderful?
Speaking of Wilbur,
wouldn't you say you
owe him an apology?
An apology? What for...
Oh, you mean for
blaming it on his horse?
Yes, I mean for
blaming it on his horse.
Now, come along
with Mother, doll.
No, no, no no, I'll
talk to him tomorrow.
I'm not dressed.
You'll talk to him now
if we have to have
a pajama party.
- Huh?
- Come on, sweetie.
Honey, you haven't
touched your sandwich.
If he won't talk to me anymore,
I won't have the
heart to go in that barn.
What does Roger have
to do with the barn?
Hm? Uh, that's right.
Who needs him in the barn?
Who needs who in the barn?
That's exactly the way I feel.
I don't need anybody in the barn
now that I got you.
[door opens]
We're in the kitchen, Kay.
Come on in and have a sandwich.
Whatever's missing,
Ed didn't take it
because he's tied up in
the barn, and I'm his witness.
Wilbur, Addison has
something to say to you.
Me?
Wilbur, it seems there were
some cats in my backyard...
Now, just a minute.
Apples he'll eat. Fish,
maybe, but cats, never.
Wilbur, I owe you an apology.
Hi, fella.
Look, Addison just found
out that some cats ate his fish.
I'm... I'm sorry I
didn't take your word.
Ed, I know you said you'd
never talk to me again,
and, well, I...
Look, I... I really
can't blame you.
I mean, you gave me your word,
and I should have believed you.
Well, like I said, I...
I got it coming to me, Ed.
I only hope that some
day maybe you'll forgive me
and start talking to me again.
Wilbur.
Ed, you talked.
What is it, Ed.
What do you want?
I'll forgive you if you...
If you do me a great favor.
Well, anything, Ed,
just name it. Anything.
Well, come closer.
[muttering]
[Man] You have plenty
of time to... Thank you, sir.
You have plenty of time
to stop here and
see the sideshow,
and, ladies and gentlemen,
the admission price
is 25 cents.
- Two tickets, please.
- Two tickets. Yes, sir.
And thank you very much, sir.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
the price of admission is 25 cents.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
let me call your attention
to these talking cats.
- Two tickets, please.
- These...
- How many, sir?
- Two.
Yeah...
Two tickets?
Please.
You know, I'm sure
glad you decided
not to build that fence, Rog.
[chuckles] That is one
thing about me, Wilbur.
Whenever I'm wrong,
I'm the first to admit it.
True?
Well, let's say
you're among the first.
- [phone ringing]
- Excuse me, Rog.
Hello.
Wilbur, they're... [hiccups]
back again.
Well, did you try drinking
a large bucket of water?
Did you try breathing
into a paper bag?
Couldn't get the bag
over your face, huh?
Well, I'll be right over.
- Right back, Rog.
- Where you going?
Well, I've got to
frighten a friend.
Strange man.
Strange man.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.