Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 1 - My Son, My Son - full transcript
Ed's having paternal feelings, so he talks Wilbur into adopting a little pony as a son for him.
[whinnies]
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
[Man on TV] I knew someday
you'd come back to us, Johnny boy.
[Johnny] This is where I belong.
Here with you, Father.
Welcome home, son.
Wilbur.
[sniffles]
Wilbur, turn off the TV.
Why, Ed, you old softy.
That play really
got to you, huh?
It wasn't the play. [sniffles]
It was the commercial.
Oh, the commercial, yeah.
I know how you feel.
I felt like bawling
when that girl broke
her engagement to the
man with the dry hair.
Mm.
Ed.
Look, never be ashamed
of showing your emotions.
Well... That was a
very touching play.
It made me realize
how empty my life is.
Oh, don't say that.
Look, you've got a lovely home,
plenty to eat,
friends, Carol and me.
But no boy.
No boy to call me Daddy.
Ed, stop complaining.
One of these days you're
going to meet the right filly,
and you'll get married.
And then soon you'll be
hearing the pitter-patter
of four little feet
around the house.
Uh, not me, Wilbur.
I'm a confirmed bachelor.
Anyway, with my
luck, I'd have all girls.
Ed, forget it.
That play just put you
in a paternal mood.
Last week you saw Wings,
and you wanted
to join the Air Force.
Honey, Kay and I are going to The Country
Market for lunch. Anything I can get you?
Yeah, would you bring back
a pound of lump sugar for Ed?
- All right.
- Oh.
Roger wants you to
return his pruning shears.
He's gardening today.
Yeah, I'll take them right over.
The sugar's going to taste a
lot better than the hay, huh?
It would taste even better if
I had a son to enjoy it with.
Addison, doll, I'm
going out with Carol,
and I'll need some
money for lunch.
Why, certainly, my
dear. Here, hold this.
Well, certainly.
My, you have such a
lovely crop of apples.
I'm so proud of you, Addison.
You'll be prouder
still when those apples
win first prize at
the county fair.
Oh, I know I will.
There you are, my dear.
A dollar for lunch?
Well, I thought you
might want to treat Carol.
Uh, just a minute, doll.
Hold this.
It's, uh, mother's turn.
There you are.
Thank you, doll.
Roger, just
returning your shears.
I won't need them now.
I've already been clipped.
See you later, Wilbur.
I'm taking Carol to lunch.
Bye, doll.
There she goes,
the kissing bandit.
Hey, those are beautiful apples.
Wilbur, be careful.
You'll bruise them.
I'm entering these
in the county fair.
[chuckles]
I'm sorry, Rog.
If I ruined the finish, I'll be
happy to pay for a polish job.
Well, this is no laughing
matter, you know.
One little smudge
could cost me first place.
Those judges are very finicky.
Well, let me give you a hand.
You wash, and I'll dry.
[phone rings]
My telephone. Ooh.
Wilbur, be careful
of those apples.
Apples...
Hello?
[Mister Ed] Hi, Wilbur.
Ed, for Pete's sake.
I nearly broke my neck
getting to the phone.
You'd better hurry in here.
It's very important.
That ought to make
him comfortable.
I got to dust off his desk.
Ed, what is it? What's wrong?
Sit down, Wilbur.
Put your feet up.
You said you had
something important to tell me.
I have. Remember how I
felt about not having a son?
[sighs]
Ed, I told you there's
nothing you can do about it.
Ever hear of adoption?
Now I've heard everything.
Whoever heard of a
horse adopting a horse?
This is America where
anything can happen.
What do you say, Wilbur?
You want the truth?
Sure.
I think you're being ridiculous.
Ridiculous to want a son,
somebody to carry on my name,
someone to call me Daddy?
If it means so much to you,
I'll call you Daddy, Daddy.
Don't joke, Wilbur.
How do you think I feel
not even getting a
card on Father's Day?
For heaven's sake.
Is there such a place
as a horse orphanage?
No.
And I never heard of a baby
pony being left on a doorstep.
Ed, will you please
forget the whole idea?
Blessings on
thee, little feller.
Barefoot cold with
cheeks of yeller.
With your bushy, turned-up tail,
Eating oats from Daddy's pail.
Ed, will you stop trying
to wear me down?
You know as well as I do
Carol will not stand for us
having another
horse around here.
You know what happened
the last time we tried.
Ooh, well, talk to her again.
She might understand this time.
Why don't you talk to her?
That's a silly question.
You know I only talk to you.
It's no use, Ed. Believe me.
Please, Wilbur.
I'm getting older.
Well, this morning I
found a gray hair in my tail.
Hi-ho silver.
Hi-ho silver.
With your bushy, turned-up tail,
Eating oats from Daddy's pail.
[chuckles]
That crazy horse.
Look what I bought
this afternoon.
Do you like it?
Wow.
Very nice.
I bought it especially for you.
Well, that's kind of you, dear.
Looks a lot better
on you, though.
[both laugh]
Aw, it's beautiful.
So are you.
I thought I'd wear it tonight,
since it's sort of a
special occasion.
Yeah.
Do you remember what
happened three years ago tonight?
Oh, of course.
How could I forget?
Oh, it was exactly three
years ago tonight that I...
That I, um... that I forgot.
Could you give me a little hint?
It's the anniversary
of our first date.
Oh, it is?
Don't you remember?
We went to a drive-in
and had hamburgers.
Right.
One thing I do remember
is taking you home
and you saying that you never
kiss a fellow on a first date.
And then I said in your
case I'd make an exception.
Yeah.
Then your father yelled
down, "No, you won't."
[phone rings]
Hello?
Wilbur, are you
doing anything now?
Yeah.
I'm... I'm sitting with my wife.
Oh, uh, but nothing important?
What do you want?
I just remembered
a little feller
I saw at the stable last week.
He'd make a great son for me.
No, I can't join
your poker party...
Phil... Phil.
Uh, some other time.
This is the only hand
I want to hold tonight.
Oh, darling, how sweet.
[phone rings]
Hello?
He looks just like me.
I can't play poker
tonight, Phil.
That ought to
bring him out here.
Now, where were we?
Honey, I think I better
get out to the barn.
The barn? What for?
Well, it's... it's kind of cold.
I better turn on the heat.
But it's almost like
summer out tonight.
You're right. I better
turn on the fan.
Ed, I warned you
to stop annoying me.
How can you deny me a son?
How can you?
Ed, I told you what
you're asking is impossible.
Carol wouldn't stand for
another horse around here.
Then do me a favor, Wilbur.
Just take a look at the
little guy I have in mind.
Absolutely not.
I'll make you a deal, Wilbur.
If you still say no
after you see him,
I'll forget it.
Is that a promise?
I'll even put it in writing.
Okay, Ed.
I'll take you down
to see him tomorrow.
But remember your promise.
Once I say no, it is no.
Let's shake on it.
Now if you'll excuse me,
there is a beautiful young
lady waiting to see me inside.
Carol.
I got tired of waiting,
so I'm going to bed.
Now you see why I'm a bachelor.
[laughs]
There he is, Wilbur.
That's my son.
Okay, I said I'd take a look,
and I've looked. Let's go.
Wait, Wilbur. Let's
find out what he costs.
Oh, okay, Ed.
Remember, we are not buying.
This little pony is
not for sale, is he?
Well, that depends.
You want to buy him?
No, no, just... just curious.
How much would he
be if he were for sale?
Snuffy?
Oh, I might let him go for
a hundred and a quarter.
I'll take him.
Okay, mister, you just
bought yourself a pony.
Who? Me?
Well, you just
said you'd take him.
But I didn't.
Are you calling me a liar?
Well, no, I...
Got a pen I could borrow?
I'll get you one.
Here, hold the pony.
All right.
Ed, that was a
low-down dirty trick.
I did it for my son, Wilbur.
Blood is thicker than water.
He is not your son.
Please, I'd like
to break it to him
when he's a little older.
Eat, son. Eat so you'll grow
big and strong like Daddy.
Well, Ed, Carol's going
to be home pretty soon.
I just wonder how I'm
going to explain this to her.
Look at him eat.
Probably his first
home-cooked meal.
Well, Ed, you got your wish.
Yeah.
You're a father.
I just wonder how much
longer I'm going to be a husband.
Now I feel my life is complete.
[door closes]
That must be Carol.
Come on, son. Let's
take a little snooze.
Bye-di-bye.
Wilbur, just look at
that plump, red beauty.
Isn't it gorgeous?
Yeah, gorgeous, gorgeous.
Ah, this is the
pick of the crop.
Perfect in every way.
I'm thinking of having
a color photo made of it.
Good, would you give
me one for my wallet?
Uh, I think I...
Peasant.
You'll have more
respect for my apples
when they win
first prize at the fair.
Roger, don't get me wrong.
I think it's great. Honestly.
It's just that I wouldn't
get your hopes up too high.
I mean, after all,
you'll be up against
some of the finest
apples in the state.
Ha. Applesauce compared to mine.
Here, let me show you a
picture of last year's winner.
Look at that poor coloring.
And that shape,
it's like a dried-up prune
compared to the Addison apple.
Well, Roger, it looks
pretty good to me.
Well, that's because
you're not an apple man,
but believe me, when the
judges get one of these beauties...
My apple!
What's that?
Oh, sorry, Roger. He didn't
know what he was doing.
He's just a little
baby, aren't you?
There.
Ed's kid.
Ed's kid?
Oh, years ago, Ed married this
little filly who was a bit player.
Then overnight she
became a Hollywood star.
The studio felt that a
child might hurt her career,
so they... they tried
to keep it a secret.
Shipped the poor kid off to a
private school in Switzerland.
And now the divorce is final,
and Ed has custody of the boy.
That's very touching.
That little beast ate
one of my prize apples.
Well, I'm awful
sor... Come on, boy.
Vite. There... There we go.
There we go. That's a boy.
Ed was taking a nap,
and I guess Snuffy
just kind of sneaked out.
One horse around
here was bad enough,
but this place is beginning
to look like the O.K. Corral.
How could Carol let
you buy another plug?
She doesn't know about it yet.
Oh?
I have the feeling
there'll be three of you
sleeping in the barn tonight.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
That's where
you're wrong, Roger.
I mean, if I want to buy another
horse, I buy another horse.
I am the boss in my house.
[Carol] Wilbur?
Oh, hi, Rog.
Hello, Carol.
Goodbye, boss.
Well, honey, what
did you do today?
Well, I did the dishes
and vacuumed the carpet
and washed the windows...
Wonderful. I'm glad you had fun.
Then I went to the market.
And on the way back, I
saw the cutest little dress
I'd just love to buy.
Great, you go on
out and buy it, dear.
Oh, darling, thank you.
Wilbur?
What pony?
Wilbur, who does this
cute little pony belong to?
Uh, you think he's cute, huh?
Oh, he's adorable.
[chuckles]
Then he belongs to you.
It's a gift to celebrate our
first date three years ago.
Oh, honey, he's awfully cute,
but... but what would
I do with a pony?
Well, he's... he's a pet.
I mean, it's like a big dog,
only at night when you
walk him, you can ride him.
Uh, Snuffy, come back here.
Here now. Here, here. Here
now. Come on, come on.
Hold it, boy. Come on.
Don't be afraid.
There. Now do you believe me?
Oh, what a cute little horsie.
You kids go right on with
your fight. Don't let us interrupt.
What fight? Carol loves
her anniversary gift.
Anniversary gift?
It was three years ago
yesterday that Wilbur and I met.
Where did you
meet? In the stable?
Oh, you little sweetie pie.
Aw, Addison, on our anniversary,
why don't you get
me a pet like this?
I'd love to, my dear, but
I've already ordered a gorilla.
Uh, how does Mister
Ed like him, Wilbur?
Is he jealous?
Oh, no. He wants to
adopt the little fella.
Like, I'm thinking of getting
him father and son saddles.
Admit it, Roger. He is
pretty cute now, isn't he?
You know how I feel
about horses, Carol.
They're completely
irresponsible.
This little nanny goat ate
one of my prize apples.
Oh, Roger, he's just a baby.
I'm sure he didn't
mean any harm.
Of course not.
And stop making
such a fuss over...
My bag.
What happened to my bag?
[ding ding]
[crash]
- Addison, wake up.
- Hm?
I heard a noise downstairs.
Noise? What kind of noise?
I don't know. I
think it's a prowler.
You better go down
and take a look.
Why don't we just
go back to sleep?
Addison, I heard a noise.
My dear, it's only
your imagination.
[crash]
There goes my imagination again.
Addison, are you going
down, or must I go?
My... Let's be reasonable.
If I go downstairs and don't
find anybody, I'll feel foolish.
And if I do find
somebody, I'll drop dead,
so let's go back to sleep.
Addison, when we were married,
you promised to protect me.
In sickness and in health.
I didn't say a word
about prowlers.
[crash]
Someone's in the backyard.
My apples.
Somebody's after my apples.
Wait.
Wait for me.
What happened?
My apples.
My beautiful apples.
My beautiful apples,
they're ruined, every one.
There all gone.
Why my... Addison.
What happened? Who was it? I...
It was that blasted
pony. That's what it was.
I got a glimpse of
him. He's running away.
Kay, look... look what
that four-legged cannibal
did to my beautiful apples.
Oh, Addison, please calm down.
I am calm.
Wilbur will pay for this.
Mark my words, Kay.
These apples will be avenged.
Roger Addison is furious.
Snuffy ate up every
one of his prize apples.
Oh, well, boys will be boys.
Ed, this is very serious.
Snuffy did a terrible thing.
I know. That's why
he needs a father.
That pony is
nothing but trouble.
There's no such
thing as a bad pony.
What kid hasn't
stolen a few apples?
I never heard of any
that ate up a whole treeful.
Look, I'll punish my kid.
Tonight he goes to
bed without any supper.
He doesn't need any supper.
He can run on apple juice
for the next three weeks.
Wilbur, I beg you as a father,
tell old vinegar puss it
will never happen again.
Ed, look. I'm trying to
find the words to tell you
that Snuffy has got to go back.
So, you... you want
me to give up my baby?
Sorry, Ed.
Well, if my little
boy goes, I go.
You don't know
what you're saying.
Let's talk about it.
Excuse me,
Wilbur. I got to pack.
Hi, Mr. Post.
Oh, hello, Mr. Ogilvie.
Glad you could come over.
I hope I haven't put
you to too much trouble.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm glad you called.
You know, to tell you the
truth, now that school's out,
business is picking up,
and I could use old Snuffy.
Good. I'm glad.
You know, it's hard to find
an old saddle fellow like
this that's used to kids.
Snuffy, old?
Oh, he can't be more
than 2 or 3 at the most.
Are you kidding?
Snuffy was 23
years old last month.
Hm?
23?
But how is that possible?
Well, Shetland ponies look
young because they're so small.
Snuffy here, he's got
many, many grandchildren.
Many, many grandchildren?
Yeah.
Well, come on, Snuffy.
Let's get to work.
So long, Mr. Post.
Goodbye.
Oh.
Here's your check.
Oh, thank you. Bye.
So long.
Well, Ed, you heard
what the man said.
Yeah.
Imagine, Snuffy is 23 years old.
And that old phony had me
sing him to sleep last night.
Ed? Ed?
I wonder where he is.
Uh-oh.
Ed, it is 2:00 in the morning.
Where have you been?
I was worried about you.
[yawns]
I'm sorry, Wilbur. I
know I should've called.
Where were you?
Well, I picked up
Snuffy at the stable,
and we went out on the town.
Ah, that old goat
knows all the night spots.
No kidding.
[Mister Ed laughs]
We had a ball.
Had a ball.
Yeah.
Uh?
What's that I smell?
Uh, want me to
take a balloon test?
I thought so.
Ed, don't you ever
come home again
with apples on your breath.
All right.
You're always
picking on... [hiccup]
on me.
[hiccup]
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
[Man on TV] I knew someday
you'd come back to us, Johnny boy.
[Johnny] This is where I belong.
Here with you, Father.
Welcome home, son.
Wilbur.
[sniffles]
Wilbur, turn off the TV.
Why, Ed, you old softy.
That play really
got to you, huh?
It wasn't the play. [sniffles]
It was the commercial.
Oh, the commercial, yeah.
I know how you feel.
I felt like bawling
when that girl broke
her engagement to the
man with the dry hair.
Mm.
Ed.
Look, never be ashamed
of showing your emotions.
Well... That was a
very touching play.
It made me realize
how empty my life is.
Oh, don't say that.
Look, you've got a lovely home,
plenty to eat,
friends, Carol and me.
But no boy.
No boy to call me Daddy.
Ed, stop complaining.
One of these days you're
going to meet the right filly,
and you'll get married.
And then soon you'll be
hearing the pitter-patter
of four little feet
around the house.
Uh, not me, Wilbur.
I'm a confirmed bachelor.
Anyway, with my
luck, I'd have all girls.
Ed, forget it.
That play just put you
in a paternal mood.
Last week you saw Wings,
and you wanted
to join the Air Force.
Honey, Kay and I are going to The Country
Market for lunch. Anything I can get you?
Yeah, would you bring back
a pound of lump sugar for Ed?
- All right.
- Oh.
Roger wants you to
return his pruning shears.
He's gardening today.
Yeah, I'll take them right over.
The sugar's going to taste a
lot better than the hay, huh?
It would taste even better if
I had a son to enjoy it with.
Addison, doll, I'm
going out with Carol,
and I'll need some
money for lunch.
Why, certainly, my
dear. Here, hold this.
Well, certainly.
My, you have such a
lovely crop of apples.
I'm so proud of you, Addison.
You'll be prouder
still when those apples
win first prize at
the county fair.
Oh, I know I will.
There you are, my dear.
A dollar for lunch?
Well, I thought you
might want to treat Carol.
Uh, just a minute, doll.
Hold this.
It's, uh, mother's turn.
There you are.
Thank you, doll.
Roger, just
returning your shears.
I won't need them now.
I've already been clipped.
See you later, Wilbur.
I'm taking Carol to lunch.
Bye, doll.
There she goes,
the kissing bandit.
Hey, those are beautiful apples.
Wilbur, be careful.
You'll bruise them.
I'm entering these
in the county fair.
[chuckles]
I'm sorry, Rog.
If I ruined the finish, I'll be
happy to pay for a polish job.
Well, this is no laughing
matter, you know.
One little smudge
could cost me first place.
Those judges are very finicky.
Well, let me give you a hand.
You wash, and I'll dry.
[phone rings]
My telephone. Ooh.
Wilbur, be careful
of those apples.
Apples...
Hello?
[Mister Ed] Hi, Wilbur.
Ed, for Pete's sake.
I nearly broke my neck
getting to the phone.
You'd better hurry in here.
It's very important.
That ought to make
him comfortable.
I got to dust off his desk.
Ed, what is it? What's wrong?
Sit down, Wilbur.
Put your feet up.
You said you had
something important to tell me.
I have. Remember how I
felt about not having a son?
[sighs]
Ed, I told you there's
nothing you can do about it.
Ever hear of adoption?
Now I've heard everything.
Whoever heard of a
horse adopting a horse?
This is America where
anything can happen.
What do you say, Wilbur?
You want the truth?
Sure.
I think you're being ridiculous.
Ridiculous to want a son,
somebody to carry on my name,
someone to call me Daddy?
If it means so much to you,
I'll call you Daddy, Daddy.
Don't joke, Wilbur.
How do you think I feel
not even getting a
card on Father's Day?
For heaven's sake.
Is there such a place
as a horse orphanage?
No.
And I never heard of a baby
pony being left on a doorstep.
Ed, will you please
forget the whole idea?
Blessings on
thee, little feller.
Barefoot cold with
cheeks of yeller.
With your bushy, turned-up tail,
Eating oats from Daddy's pail.
Ed, will you stop trying
to wear me down?
You know as well as I do
Carol will not stand for us
having another
horse around here.
You know what happened
the last time we tried.
Ooh, well, talk to her again.
She might understand this time.
Why don't you talk to her?
That's a silly question.
You know I only talk to you.
It's no use, Ed. Believe me.
Please, Wilbur.
I'm getting older.
Well, this morning I
found a gray hair in my tail.
Hi-ho silver.
Hi-ho silver.
With your bushy, turned-up tail,
Eating oats from Daddy's pail.
[chuckles]
That crazy horse.
Look what I bought
this afternoon.
Do you like it?
Wow.
Very nice.
I bought it especially for you.
Well, that's kind of you, dear.
Looks a lot better
on you, though.
[both laugh]
Aw, it's beautiful.
So are you.
I thought I'd wear it tonight,
since it's sort of a
special occasion.
Yeah.
Do you remember what
happened three years ago tonight?
Oh, of course.
How could I forget?
Oh, it was exactly three
years ago tonight that I...
That I, um... that I forgot.
Could you give me a little hint?
It's the anniversary
of our first date.
Oh, it is?
Don't you remember?
We went to a drive-in
and had hamburgers.
Right.
One thing I do remember
is taking you home
and you saying that you never
kiss a fellow on a first date.
And then I said in your
case I'd make an exception.
Yeah.
Then your father yelled
down, "No, you won't."
[phone rings]
Hello?
Wilbur, are you
doing anything now?
Yeah.
I'm... I'm sitting with my wife.
Oh, uh, but nothing important?
What do you want?
I just remembered
a little feller
I saw at the stable last week.
He'd make a great son for me.
No, I can't join
your poker party...
Phil... Phil.
Uh, some other time.
This is the only hand
I want to hold tonight.
Oh, darling, how sweet.
[phone rings]
Hello?
He looks just like me.
I can't play poker
tonight, Phil.
That ought to
bring him out here.
Now, where were we?
Honey, I think I better
get out to the barn.
The barn? What for?
Well, it's... it's kind of cold.
I better turn on the heat.
But it's almost like
summer out tonight.
You're right. I better
turn on the fan.
Ed, I warned you
to stop annoying me.
How can you deny me a son?
How can you?
Ed, I told you what
you're asking is impossible.
Carol wouldn't stand for
another horse around here.
Then do me a favor, Wilbur.
Just take a look at the
little guy I have in mind.
Absolutely not.
I'll make you a deal, Wilbur.
If you still say no
after you see him,
I'll forget it.
Is that a promise?
I'll even put it in writing.
Okay, Ed.
I'll take you down
to see him tomorrow.
But remember your promise.
Once I say no, it is no.
Let's shake on it.
Now if you'll excuse me,
there is a beautiful young
lady waiting to see me inside.
Carol.
I got tired of waiting,
so I'm going to bed.
Now you see why I'm a bachelor.
[laughs]
There he is, Wilbur.
That's my son.
Okay, I said I'd take a look,
and I've looked. Let's go.
Wait, Wilbur. Let's
find out what he costs.
Oh, okay, Ed.
Remember, we are not buying.
This little pony is
not for sale, is he?
Well, that depends.
You want to buy him?
No, no, just... just curious.
How much would he
be if he were for sale?
Snuffy?
Oh, I might let him go for
a hundred and a quarter.
I'll take him.
Okay, mister, you just
bought yourself a pony.
Who? Me?
Well, you just
said you'd take him.
But I didn't.
Are you calling me a liar?
Well, no, I...
Got a pen I could borrow?
I'll get you one.
Here, hold the pony.
All right.
Ed, that was a
low-down dirty trick.
I did it for my son, Wilbur.
Blood is thicker than water.
He is not your son.
Please, I'd like
to break it to him
when he's a little older.
Eat, son. Eat so you'll grow
big and strong like Daddy.
Well, Ed, Carol's going
to be home pretty soon.
I just wonder how I'm
going to explain this to her.
Look at him eat.
Probably his first
home-cooked meal.
Well, Ed, you got your wish.
Yeah.
You're a father.
I just wonder how much
longer I'm going to be a husband.
Now I feel my life is complete.
[door closes]
That must be Carol.
Come on, son. Let's
take a little snooze.
Bye-di-bye.
Wilbur, just look at
that plump, red beauty.
Isn't it gorgeous?
Yeah, gorgeous, gorgeous.
Ah, this is the
pick of the crop.
Perfect in every way.
I'm thinking of having
a color photo made of it.
Good, would you give
me one for my wallet?
Uh, I think I...
Peasant.
You'll have more
respect for my apples
when they win
first prize at the fair.
Roger, don't get me wrong.
I think it's great. Honestly.
It's just that I wouldn't
get your hopes up too high.
I mean, after all,
you'll be up against
some of the finest
apples in the state.
Ha. Applesauce compared to mine.
Here, let me show you a
picture of last year's winner.
Look at that poor coloring.
And that shape,
it's like a dried-up prune
compared to the Addison apple.
Well, Roger, it looks
pretty good to me.
Well, that's because
you're not an apple man,
but believe me, when the
judges get one of these beauties...
My apple!
What's that?
Oh, sorry, Roger. He didn't
know what he was doing.
He's just a little
baby, aren't you?
There.
Ed's kid.
Ed's kid?
Oh, years ago, Ed married this
little filly who was a bit player.
Then overnight she
became a Hollywood star.
The studio felt that a
child might hurt her career,
so they... they tried
to keep it a secret.
Shipped the poor kid off to a
private school in Switzerland.
And now the divorce is final,
and Ed has custody of the boy.
That's very touching.
That little beast ate
one of my prize apples.
Well, I'm awful
sor... Come on, boy.
Vite. There... There we go.
There we go. That's a boy.
Ed was taking a nap,
and I guess Snuffy
just kind of sneaked out.
One horse around
here was bad enough,
but this place is beginning
to look like the O.K. Corral.
How could Carol let
you buy another plug?
She doesn't know about it yet.
Oh?
I have the feeling
there'll be three of you
sleeping in the barn tonight.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
That's where
you're wrong, Roger.
I mean, if I want to buy another
horse, I buy another horse.
I am the boss in my house.
[Carol] Wilbur?
Oh, hi, Rog.
Hello, Carol.
Goodbye, boss.
Well, honey, what
did you do today?
Well, I did the dishes
and vacuumed the carpet
and washed the windows...
Wonderful. I'm glad you had fun.
Then I went to the market.
And on the way back, I
saw the cutest little dress
I'd just love to buy.
Great, you go on
out and buy it, dear.
Oh, darling, thank you.
Wilbur?
What pony?
Wilbur, who does this
cute little pony belong to?
Uh, you think he's cute, huh?
Oh, he's adorable.
[chuckles]
Then he belongs to you.
It's a gift to celebrate our
first date three years ago.
Oh, honey, he's awfully cute,
but... but what would
I do with a pony?
Well, he's... he's a pet.
I mean, it's like a big dog,
only at night when you
walk him, you can ride him.
Uh, Snuffy, come back here.
Here now. Here, here. Here
now. Come on, come on.
Hold it, boy. Come on.
Don't be afraid.
There. Now do you believe me?
Oh, what a cute little horsie.
You kids go right on with
your fight. Don't let us interrupt.
What fight? Carol loves
her anniversary gift.
Anniversary gift?
It was three years ago
yesterday that Wilbur and I met.
Where did you
meet? In the stable?
Oh, you little sweetie pie.
Aw, Addison, on our anniversary,
why don't you get
me a pet like this?
I'd love to, my dear, but
I've already ordered a gorilla.
Uh, how does Mister
Ed like him, Wilbur?
Is he jealous?
Oh, no. He wants to
adopt the little fella.
Like, I'm thinking of getting
him father and son saddles.
Admit it, Roger. He is
pretty cute now, isn't he?
You know how I feel
about horses, Carol.
They're completely
irresponsible.
This little nanny goat ate
one of my prize apples.
Oh, Roger, he's just a baby.
I'm sure he didn't
mean any harm.
Of course not.
And stop making
such a fuss over...
My bag.
What happened to my bag?
[ding ding]
[crash]
- Addison, wake up.
- Hm?
I heard a noise downstairs.
Noise? What kind of noise?
I don't know. I
think it's a prowler.
You better go down
and take a look.
Why don't we just
go back to sleep?
Addison, I heard a noise.
My dear, it's only
your imagination.
[crash]
There goes my imagination again.
Addison, are you going
down, or must I go?
My... Let's be reasonable.
If I go downstairs and don't
find anybody, I'll feel foolish.
And if I do find
somebody, I'll drop dead,
so let's go back to sleep.
Addison, when we were married,
you promised to protect me.
In sickness and in health.
I didn't say a word
about prowlers.
[crash]
Someone's in the backyard.
My apples.
Somebody's after my apples.
Wait.
Wait for me.
What happened?
My apples.
My beautiful apples.
My beautiful apples,
they're ruined, every one.
There all gone.
Why my... Addison.
What happened? Who was it? I...
It was that blasted
pony. That's what it was.
I got a glimpse of
him. He's running away.
Kay, look... look what
that four-legged cannibal
did to my beautiful apples.
Oh, Addison, please calm down.
I am calm.
Wilbur will pay for this.
Mark my words, Kay.
These apples will be avenged.
Roger Addison is furious.
Snuffy ate up every
one of his prize apples.
Oh, well, boys will be boys.
Ed, this is very serious.
Snuffy did a terrible thing.
I know. That's why
he needs a father.
That pony is
nothing but trouble.
There's no such
thing as a bad pony.
What kid hasn't
stolen a few apples?
I never heard of any
that ate up a whole treeful.
Look, I'll punish my kid.
Tonight he goes to
bed without any supper.
He doesn't need any supper.
He can run on apple juice
for the next three weeks.
Wilbur, I beg you as a father,
tell old vinegar puss it
will never happen again.
Ed, look. I'm trying to
find the words to tell you
that Snuffy has got to go back.
So, you... you want
me to give up my baby?
Sorry, Ed.
Well, if my little
boy goes, I go.
You don't know
what you're saying.
Let's talk about it.
Excuse me,
Wilbur. I got to pack.
Hi, Mr. Post.
Oh, hello, Mr. Ogilvie.
Glad you could come over.
I hope I haven't put
you to too much trouble.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm glad you called.
You know, to tell you the
truth, now that school's out,
business is picking up,
and I could use old Snuffy.
Good. I'm glad.
You know, it's hard to find
an old saddle fellow like
this that's used to kids.
Snuffy, old?
Oh, he can't be more
than 2 or 3 at the most.
Are you kidding?
Snuffy was 23
years old last month.
Hm?
23?
But how is that possible?
Well, Shetland ponies look
young because they're so small.
Snuffy here, he's got
many, many grandchildren.
Many, many grandchildren?
Yeah.
Well, come on, Snuffy.
Let's get to work.
So long, Mr. Post.
Goodbye.
Oh.
Here's your check.
Oh, thank you. Bye.
So long.
Well, Ed, you heard
what the man said.
Yeah.
Imagine, Snuffy is 23 years old.
And that old phony had me
sing him to sleep last night.
Ed? Ed?
I wonder where he is.
Uh-oh.
Ed, it is 2:00 in the morning.
Where have you been?
I was worried about you.
[yawns]
I'm sorry, Wilbur. I
know I should've called.
Where were you?
Well, I picked up
Snuffy at the stable,
and we went out on the town.
Ah, that old goat
knows all the night spots.
No kidding.
[Mister Ed laughs]
We had a ball.
Had a ball.
Yeah.
Uh?
What's that I smell?
Uh, want me to
take a balloon test?
I thought so.
Ed, don't you ever
come home again
with apples on your breath.
All right.
You're always
picking on... [hiccup]
on me.
[hiccup]
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪
♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪
♪ He'll give you the answer ♪
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪
♪ And waste your time of day ♪
♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪
♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪
♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪
♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪
♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.