Mister Ed (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 17 - Little Boy - full transcript

[whinnies]

Hello, I'm Mr. Ed.

♪♪ [theme]

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪



♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

[kids chattering]

Hey, come on, man.

Hi, you want to
play ball with me?

Aw, it's the new
kid in the block.

You want to play ball?

No, we don't want to play ball.

It's a brand new one.

It is, huh? Let me see.

Go and chase it.

[children laugh]

Eh, come on gang.

Stop here, Ed.

About time. I thought
we never get home.



We're only out here
for a little exercise, Ed.

We?

I've been running,
you've been sitting.

Good old Ed.

Huh.

[a boy] Let me have it.

Hi, Mr. Post. Hi, Mr. Ed.

Oh, hi, Andy. Hi, Johnny.

Make your horse do
some tricks again, Mr. Post.

Tricks, all right. You
tell him to do something.

Shake your head.

Shake your head, Mr. Ed.

[children laugh]

Swish your tail, Mr. Ed.

Swish your tail, Mr. Ed.

[laughs]

Let's go play. Bye,
Mr. Ed. Bye, Mr. Post.

Bye-bye.

[kids chattering}

Well, I better get
you back to the barn.

Besides, I want to
show Roger Addison

some new magic
tricks I just got.

If you're a magician,
lose some weight.

Hold it.

We both walk.

All right, you win.

How do you feel
with that off, Ed?

Like Gypsy Rose Lee.

I got a kick out of those kids.

There is nothing like youth.

Yeah, I sure wish
I was a colt again.

You have a happy childhood, Ed?

Oh, ho, ho, I was a crazy
mixed up two year old.

My mom used to wait
up all hours for me.

Yeah, what did you do?

Hung around the stables

watching all the fillies go by.

You had a ball, huh.

Yeah, I was a gay dog.

My diary would
make a best-seller.

You made a hit
with those kids today.

All but one.

Which one?

Some unhappy little guy
standing behind a tree.

How did you know he was unhappy?

That sad expression.

He looked like an
owl in short pants.

How old did he look?

Oh, my age. About seven.

But built different, of course.

Yeah, I figured.

I think your
imagining things, Ed.

I got to get to the house

and try a few new magic
tricks on my neighbors.

I wouldn't, Wilbur.
You're a terrible magician.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how would you like to
see me saw a horse in half.

Huh? Uh, not this one.

Saw a horse in half.

Moving along to the more
difficult of my illusions.

You will see, sir, that there
is nothing in either hand.

Right?

Right.

And now pay close attention.

And with a few magic words,

told to me in secret
by the thief of Baghdad,

I will produce a full bouquet
of flowers from nowhere.

Agah... Moonie... Mickey Rooney.

I'd say a phone call to
Baghdad was in order.

Did I do something wrong?

You forgot to blind fold me.

Wilbur.

That's funny.

I planted geraniums.

For my next trick,

if I may have your attention
ladies and gentlemen?

Honey, I'm expecting
Margaret Birch soon.

Can you children play outside?

Margaret Birch?

Yes, she just moved in the
neighborhood, remember?

The one with the little boy.

Oh, yes. Well, one
more trick, honey.

Has Wilbur fooled
you, yet, doll.

No one has ever fooled me.

No? Then how did
you get married, sweet?

[Wilbur] Now, if I may
have your attention.

Ladies and gentlemen... Oh.

Always happens with new cards.

And new magicians.

Please, honey. I don't want
her to see the house like this.

Maestro, I have the feeling
your show just closed.

Roger, grab the
end of this table.

I'll show you a
few tricks outside.

Wilbur, let's face it.

As a magician you're
a great architect.

More words out of you, you'll
be a rabbit in the morning.

- Come on, let's get out
of here.
- Watch it.

[doorbell chimes]

Excuse me, Kay.

- Hi.
- Hello, Carol.

Come on in.

Am I early?

No, not at all.

Kay, I like you to meet our
new neighbor, Margaret Birch.

This is my dear
friend, Kay Addison.

- I'm glad to meet you.
- How do you do?

Certainly was nice you
to ask me to join your club.

Oh, not really.
We need the dues.

Please sit down, Margaret.

Thank you.

You're going to like the girls.

We're really a very
congenital group.

Right, Kay?

Well, it keeps
us off the streets.

How do you like
our neighborhood?

Oh, I love it, but,
uh... But what?

Well, my son is having a
little trouble making friends.

He's kind of shy.

Aw, how old is he?

Peter is eight and half.

Oh, don't worry. There a lot of
kids his age in the neighborhood.

Yes, I know, but they... They just
don't seem to want to play with him.

Margaret, would it help
if maybe you gave a party

and invited all the kids
in the neighborhood.

That's a wonderful idea.

Yes, it is. Do you
think they'd come?

I know most of the mothers.

If you'd like, I'll help
you round up the kids.

Oh, that's very sweet of you.

Maybe we could plan
it for this Saturday?

Wonderful.

Maybe I could persuade Wilbur

to do some of his
magic tricks for the kids.

Persuade?

He'll perform for anything

that walks, talks,
or sits up and begs.

You shouldn't be touching that.

Oh, sorry, old man.

[Roger] Well, I'm ready
for your performance.

[Wilbur] Well, I have trick
here that's bound to amaze you.

This called the
disappearing water trick.

See I fill this cup with
water from this pitcher.

Eh.

You'll notice that
I'm filling it up.

There we are.

Now, I have here, as you
can see, an ordinary cup

and an ordinary pitcher.

And now, presto.

Oh.

That's the greatest
trick I ever saw

and I'm suing
you for a new suit.

Hey, you! What's the big idea?

If I ever get...

If I ever get my
hands on that kid, I'll...

He won't be able to
sit down for a week.

Thank you for a
delightful performance.

No, really, really.

Thank you very much,
but I couldn't impose.

Oh, you won't be imposing.

Why we just love to
have him stay here.

Wouldn't we, Wilbur?

Course we would. Have who where?

Honey, you remember
Margaret Birch?

- Yeah.
- Yes, of course.

I'm doing magic for
your little boy's party.

We're going to
have the party here.

Margaret has to go out
of town for the weekend.

Her sister just had a baby

and we're going to have
little Peter stay here with us.

- You don't mind do you?
- Oh, not all.

I'll be able to try out some
of my new tricks on him

Just don't do your
sprinkler trick, sweetie.

Addison isn't dry, yet.

Look that wasn't my fault, Kay.

Some fresh kid
turned on the water.

Then it's all settled
huh, Margaret?

Well, what can I say?

Gee, you're all so wonderful...

I'll have Peter over
here Friday morning.

Will that be all right?

Any time at all.

So, well, I've heard so much
about this young boy of yours.

I'm looking forward
to meeting him.

Well, you don't have
far to look, darling.

He's in the barn.

Oh, I'll go out and say hello.

- Excuse me.
- Sure.

I saw you in the park, Mr. Ed.

But you didn't see me.

You're a nice horse.

At least you listen when I talk.

I don't care about
that old party.

Most kids don't like me anyway.

And Mr. Post, when he finds out

I turned on that
old sprinkler...

He wouldn't do his
old magic anyway.

But it was an accident.

I was looking for my baseball.

You believe me
don't you, Mr. Ed?

[Wilbur] Peter,
are you in there?

Peter, I see you
hiding behind Ed.

Guess what, Peter?

You're going to have
your party after all.

Right in our backyard.

You know something else?

While your mother is away,
you're going to stay with us.

Aw, come here.

Let me go.

- Let me go.
- Now, look, Pete.

I'm your friend, there's
nothing to be frighten about.

Now, come on, son. Let me...

The sprinkler kid.

Pete, you come back here.

Peter.

Ah!

[Carol] Wilbur.

I'll have lunch in a
few minutes, dear.

[Carol] He sure loves Ed.

[Wilbur] Hmm.

You know, since his
mother brought him here

that kid hasn't
said a word to me.

Every time I go near him, he
looks at me like I was a truant officer.

I hope you two become
friends before tomorrow.

We will. Of course,
I may have to grow

two more legs and a tail.

He's just still upset about
that sprinkler innocent.

He's upset?

My suit is dragging,
too, you know?

Honey, please
try to talk to him.

Well, okay.

Course I may need
to wear a raincoat.

Just call him in.

You call him.

He hears my voice,
he may go into orbit.

Peter.

[Carol] Peter, lunch.

Now try to gain his confidence.

And don't look so solemn.
You'll really scare him

Smile.

Hello, Peter,
how's it going, boy?

Lunch will be ready in
a few minutes, honey.

Meanwhile, you two
men get acquainted, huh?

Peter.

Pete.

[clears his throat]

Peter, uh, about this
sprinkler business.

I forgotten all about it.

Believe me.

You know, I used to
do foolish things like that

when I was a little boy, too.

It was an accident.

Sure, sure it was an accident.

It was.

I hit my baseball in your yard.

Then I went to look for it.

My foot turned
on your sprinkler.

Sure. Sure.

Now, can we be friends?

You don't believe me.

Look, Peter... I can prove it.

I have my baseball in the
bushes so you can see it.

Oh.

Well, let's go take a look, huh?

It's not there.

Peter, believe me. I'm willing
to forget the whole thing.

I've seen it there
before. I did.

Peter, I believe you.

No, you don't.

[Mr. Ed] The kid told the truth.

Now, Ed, you're wrong.

You see you don't
understand child psychology.

See, kids sometimes
lie without meaning it.

They do something
and then they get scared.

And then they
exaggerate the facts a little.

Where did you get that baseball?

I signed up with the Dodgers.

Ed, did you find this
under those bushes?

That's right.

I was afraid a dog
might run off with it

and you'd never believe the kid.

[Roger] Hello, Houdini.

Oh.

What are you going
to do with that?

Turn it in a ping-pong ball.

Roger, you know we're throwing
a party for a little boy tomorrow?

Yeah, Kay told me the bad news.

Roger, I want this party
to be a very big success.

Is there anything you
can do to entertain kids?

- I might wiggle my mustache.
- No, I'm serious.

Oh, don't knock it.
That's how I won my wife.

I know, you can be my
assistant during my magic act.

No, no. Although,
I will grant you

I look rather fetching in my black
mess stockings and high heels.

No, you better
get somebody else.

[Carol] Wilbur, can
you come in, please?

Peter.

Peter, look I found
your baseball.

Peter, I'm sorry.

This whole thing is a mistake.

You didn't believe
me when I told you.

I'm sorry, Peter.

But you know sometimes
big people make mistakes?

Well, you just got
to forgive them.

Now, can we be friends?

Did you know I'm going to help
Mr. Post with his magic act tomorrow?

That's right. He insisted.

You're going to have the
most wonderful party tomorrow.

But those kids don't like me.

Oh, yes they do.

Now, are we friends?

Well, here, let me
take your things,

and we'll go out
and play catch, huh?

- Great.
- That a boy.

I got some mitts upstairs.

Show you the finer
points of the game.

Now, what do you think
of your party, sweetie.

It's okay.

Peter, here is some
more of your friends.

- Hi, Andy.
- Hi.

Hello, sissy. Com on, Mike,

Peter, let's join
the group, huh?

Come on, fellas. Let's get
the entertainment on the way.

Here we are.

Tag you're it. Come
on, you got to chase me.

Now, if you just
keep your little...

Just keep quiet.
I will introduce

that world famous magician

and prestidigitator
who has just returned

from a triumphant
tour of the providences.

The one, the only... Wilburini.

[crowd cheers]

Thank you. Thank
you. I thank you.

[children laugh]

Isn't he funny?

Go ask your mother.

Now, if my assistant will
give me a piece of rope,

any piece of rope,

I shall perform my next trick.

Why of course a piece of
rope, an ordinary piece of rope.

- Here you are.
- Why thank you.

As you can all see this is just
plain ordinary piece of rope.

It is not. It's a trick rope.

I saw it on television.

Yeah, he makes
believe he cuts it,

but he really doesn't.

It's got a magnet in the
middle of it that holds it together.

For my next trick,

I should like to perform one
never before seen anywhere.

Not even on television.

[Boy] I bet.

This is called my
disappearing trick.

Uh, for this trick,

I shall need two volunteers
from the audience.

They're not volunteers,
they're vigilantes.

They'll never get this one.

Uh, if my assistant will give

each of these boys one
of these rubber balls?

Yes, master.

Young man, there you are.

Now, if you will please place

one ball in each of my pockets.

That's it. May I...

- Here you are, sir.
- Thank you very much.

I have here a box.
Just an empty box, huh?

Is that empty?
Are you quite sure?

[alarm rings]

[children laugh]

Now, look. Stop that.

[children laugh]

This might be a good place
to bring down the curtain.

Come on, boys. Refreshments.

Here we go.

[children cheer]

Wilbur, where's Peter?

Peter?

I think I know where he's gone.

Would you mind
holding these, dear?

Come on, Pete, it's your party.

All the kids are
waiting for you.

You know they're not.

You don't want to miss
all that ice-cream do you?

Hey, Wilbur?

Yeah.

I got an idea that
will help Peter.

Yes.

Now, listen.

[mumbles]

Peter, there you are.
Here I fixed a plate for you.

Come on, sit down now. Come on.

Hey, look.

The magician has
made a horse disappear.

[children cheer]

Who wants to ride
on Mr. Ed, huh?

Johnny, you're the
oldest. You go first.

Gee.

[growls]

[neighs]

Hey, what's a matter with him?

Oh, nothing.

He always acts like
that with a new rider.

Don't be afraid,
Johnny. Come on.

[neighs]

Not me. Andy, you go first.

No thanks. Mike, you go first.

[neighs]

What, you think I'm crazy?

Isn't there anybody here
brave enough to ride Mr. Ed.

[together] No, not me.

No thanks.

Surely there's someone here
who's willing to take a chance.

How about you, Pete?

Him? He's a sissy.

I'll ride Mr. Ed.

That a boy. Come on, Pete.

Gang way, boys. Here we are.

Up you go.

There.

Now, look, if he tries to
roll over on you, you, uh...

You jump off fast
and get right back on.

- Got it?
- Okay.

Let's go!

[neighs]

Stand back.

He ain't scared.

Boy, he's brave.

Who called him a sissy?

[laughs]

Here's the ball,
Pete. Give it to me.

Oh, up high. Let's go.

Man, this a lot fun.

Yeah.

Here, Pete.

Well, what do you know?

You made a little
boy very happy, Ed.

Want to make me happy, Wilbur?

Yeah.

Lose a little weight.

[laughs]

I'll think about it.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer ♪

♪ That you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak ♪

♪ And waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one will talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

[Mister Ed] ♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.